It feels a lot like it...
I can't go to sleep. This is upsetting. I probably should have gotten up and done things today, but I'm finally admitting to being sick and I don't want to make it worse before it gets better. So I ate an entire book today. I'm tempted to start on another rather than using this strange energy to do the homework I evaded with the first book. I think I just hate being sick. Fevers suck, but I'm not going to take anything until I feel really icky because it's a good immune response that I'm of the opinion you should let run its course unless it threatens your health more than the illness. For instance, seizures are not good, but you don't get those until you're up around 104 degrees farenheit and I'm just barely playing with 99. But the drawback to letting a fever run is that your brain tends to feel kinda hazy and run a bit slower. Thus making homework a torturous effort and me perfectly willing to avoid it.
I'm going to bitch now, you may want to cover your eyes.
SAS is driving me NUTS! Yes, as mature individuals you have to learn how to deal with people that we don't appreciate being around, but you don't have to invite them to your graduation party! OIY! And she has such a chip on her shoulder about this! I think she's been talking to her mother again because she's spouting crap about it being really mean to Caity if we don't invite her. Who cares? Seriously! Caity has a horrible attitude problem and she needs to learn that being a mean person isn't going to get you places or friends in this world. I don't want her there because she's loud, annoying, addicted to attention, and not a friendly person all around, as well as not being my friend she is clearly labeled as Kat's enemy and I'd shove her more towards that category in my own mind. Sometimes I wish she wouldn't come back from Michigan! That place can have her. And since when has Sas been keeping up good relationships with her? Oh, and the point of this party is NOT to invite everyone you know, but to invite everyone you WANT to be there. Also, because Sas is pulling an "it's my party, too" thing I'm seriously tempted to say "fine! Have your party, by yourself!" And I don't have as much patience on this topic as I'd hoped for. I don't want this to some to a screaming match, but at the same time I really think it would make me feel better and I think that Sas of all people would lose a screaming match. And how I long to just break down and bitch her out for being such a snob about this...grrrrrrrrrr...I don't want to lose her completely as a friend, but I'm tired of dealing with her excesses and her personality crap. I'm tired of accomodating. I'm tired of all of this shit. I just want to go to college and leave this crap behind, but first I want a nice graduation party to which I shall not be afraid of going or become pissed at. And what, pray tell, will Caity do if we don't invite her? Show up? That's be about the worst thing she could manage, and inviting her isn't going to prevent it. I detest her with such a vengeance. I haven't got any problems that are quite as personal as Kat's, but I really don't hink I hate her any less. It's more that I'm less dedicated to my hate, more willing to TRY and play the negotiator in this thing, but I think I'm going to break and ruin the facade if Sas keeps spouting the shit she's got on this topic. BURST INTO FLAMES!
I'm not done, but it is now safe to start reading again.
What the hell am I doing up at midnight? I hate not sleeping. Also, my head hurts, which makes me want to take a painkiller and go to sleep, but I can't sleep...phooey.
I don't think I'm going to school tomorrow. I also think that this is a really stupid idea because I'm going to be reviewing in practically every class and testing on Tuesday...I'm going to be so screwed. But whatever. It's a quiz in EP and an essay test that I may not ace, but it's pass fail and I don't have to ace it. Right now all I have to do is try. Government is an entirely different issue. I did the cut and paste assignment, but I haven't read all 17 pages of it (blurgh). Also, I like listening to her lectures. She talks about things that matter in real life, in this day an age, and I like learning things like that. All this is held in opposition of English where we learn to talk nice, write nice, read nice, and understand language, but it's a step further removed from life than Government, at least for me. I can't remember what Jav taught our Japanese class on Friday. It was about gerunds and how to say that you like a verb... something about dictionary form and a different ending... oh well, it's probably in my notes.
My head feels kinda fuzzy.
I think I've found a temporary on-off switch. This is a good thing, but it takes a lot of time and effort to turn things on or off. Also, on is not a position we appreciate, so I should be saying that it takes a lot of effort to turn things off and very little upset to turn things on. It's more satisfying to fight than it is to live with it, but it's also very exhausting mentally and emotionally. This makes continuing life stuff very difficult. I also lack a sense of self-control and judgement. I don't know when I've gone far enough that it's time to turn things off again until I've gone so far that it's pretty much too late. I think I need to stop picking at the scabs, but for some reason not-healing has this vague appeal.
I'm going to bitch now, you may want to cover your eyes.
SAS is driving me NUTS! Yes, as mature individuals you have to learn how to deal with people that we don't appreciate being around, but you don't have to invite them to your graduation party! OIY! And she has such a chip on her shoulder about this! I think she's been talking to her mother again because she's spouting crap about it being really mean to Caity if we don't invite her. Who cares? Seriously! Caity has a horrible attitude problem and she needs to learn that being a mean person isn't going to get you places or friends in this world. I don't want her there because she's loud, annoying, addicted to attention, and not a friendly person all around, as well as not being my friend she is clearly labeled as Kat's enemy and I'd shove her more towards that category in my own mind. Sometimes I wish she wouldn't come back from Michigan! That place can have her. And since when has Sas been keeping up good relationships with her? Oh, and the point of this party is NOT to invite everyone you know, but to invite everyone you WANT to be there. Also, because Sas is pulling an "it's my party, too" thing I'm seriously tempted to say "fine! Have your party, by yourself!" And I don't have as much patience on this topic as I'd hoped for. I don't want this to some to a screaming match, but at the same time I really think it would make me feel better and I think that Sas of all people would lose a screaming match. And how I long to just break down and bitch her out for being such a snob about this...grrrrrrrrrr...I don't want to lose her completely as a friend, but I'm tired of dealing with her excesses and her personality crap. I'm tired of accomodating. I'm tired of all of this shit. I just want to go to college and leave this crap behind, but first I want a nice graduation party to which I shall not be afraid of going or become pissed at. And what, pray tell, will Caity do if we don't invite her? Show up? That's be about the worst thing she could manage, and inviting her isn't going to prevent it. I detest her with such a vengeance. I haven't got any problems that are quite as personal as Kat's, but I really don't hink I hate her any less. It's more that I'm less dedicated to my hate, more willing to TRY and play the negotiator in this thing, but I think I'm going to break and ruin the facade if Sas keeps spouting the shit she's got on this topic. BURST INTO FLAMES!
I'm not done, but it is now safe to start reading again.
What the hell am I doing up at midnight? I hate not sleeping. Also, my head hurts, which makes me want to take a painkiller and go to sleep, but I can't sleep...phooey.
I don't think I'm going to school tomorrow. I also think that this is a really stupid idea because I'm going to be reviewing in practically every class and testing on Tuesday...I'm going to be so screwed. But whatever. It's a quiz in EP and an essay test that I may not ace, but it's pass fail and I don't have to ace it. Right now all I have to do is try. Government is an entirely different issue. I did the cut and paste assignment, but I haven't read all 17 pages of it (blurgh). Also, I like listening to her lectures. She talks about things that matter in real life, in this day an age, and I like learning things like that. All this is held in opposition of English where we learn to talk nice, write nice, read nice, and understand language, but it's a step further removed from life than Government, at least for me. I can't remember what Jav taught our Japanese class on Friday. It was about gerunds and how to say that you like a verb... something about dictionary form and a different ending... oh well, it's probably in my notes.
My head feels kinda fuzzy.
I think I've found a temporary on-off switch. This is a good thing, but it takes a lot of time and effort to turn things on or off. Also, on is not a position we appreciate, so I should be saying that it takes a lot of effort to turn things off and very little upset to turn things on. It's more satisfying to fight than it is to live with it, but it's also very exhausting mentally and emotionally. This makes continuing life stuff very difficult. I also lack a sense of self-control and judgement. I don't know when I've gone far enough that it's time to turn things off again until I've gone so far that it's pretty much too late. I think I need to stop picking at the scabs, but for some reason not-healing has this vague appeal.