Mania

Manic overactivity. Spaz, whaz, tweak, freak, lose control, let go, fly until you fall, disembowel a few dreams, cry, fetal ball, dirt under my nails, grass in my hair, brightly colored quilt, cold hands, cold feet, anger, sorrow, tears, rage, screaming, fuck you, knives, water, soap, angry-angry-angry, lost, lonely, desperate, lights, protective person, murmurs, comforter, hope, more tears, inarticulation, a lack of confession, hatred, self-loathing, self-accusation, stupidity, idiocy, tension, discomfort in the center of it all, nothing gets in, or out, angry, slow, torpid, viscious, dangerous, self-destructive, sleep------------wake, feeling fuzzy, diconnected, lonely, hungry for things other than food, achingly needy, wanting attention, angry, upset, imbalanced, false facade protect me, save me from all of this.