So
They told me to be honest.
So I was.
And they told me to inform the people here,
Of what I'd done.
So I did.
And now all I want to do.
Is call them up and blame them.
Call them up and yell at them,
It's all your fault.
And now.
On a lonely Thursday morning,
In a lonly room,
Just down the hall from happy banter,
I am a prisoner.
And I could run,
But what's the point?
They would catch me somehow.
And I could lie,
And escape,
But what's the point?
They'll catch me somehow.
So I am a lonely prisoner,
Sitting in an empty room,
On an empty couch, I am alone.
There's no one here to trust,
Everyone wants to help,
But me telling them, hurt them,
And them helping me, hurts.
And it's all your fault,
Because you couldn't fix me,
Because you couldn't make it all better,
And you sent me to someone,
Implicitly promising salvation,
And that someone,
Wants to take it all away.
My life,
My point,
My existence.
They'll send me off on a medical leave.
And I'll cry myself to sleep.
I'll cry myself sick.
I'll cry myself dead.
But no one will ever understand,
That the stress of school is all I've ever known.
They won't ever accept
That to banish me would be
Akin to signing my death warrant,
They'll miss the point.
They'll send me away.
And I'll die
Even if I don't die,
I'll wither into nothing,
Because there will be nothing left to cling to.
And I DON'T WANT TO DIE,
But I've forgotten how to fight.
They keep saying that
On Monday night,
I made a serious attempt,
And that it wasn't me rejecting it,
But my body said no,
And I was relieved of all my attempt.
Violently.
But that was then,
I think,
This is now,
And now I have promises,
And promises are all I have,
So I cling to them like nothing else.
When I say yes,
I promise,
I'll call you if I am in need,
Then the promise will hold.
It is a bouy in this sea of emptiness,
Salvation where you'd least expect to find it,
When I am in my darkest hours,
The promise is the only thing
It is everything,
It is all.
So everything I am,
All the strength I have,
Belongs to that promise,
And when there's nearly nothing left,
The last fight with this emptiness,
Will be to keep that promise.
And I cannot tell a lie,
Not like this.
The closest thing,
Is my silence,
My omissions,
So if you ask directly,
I cannot tell a lie.
I know better than to screw it all up,
Like that.
But who will believe me?
Hospitalized.
Committed.
I obviously can't think for myself,
So they'll think for me.
And I lost it all.
Because you told me to.
So I was.
And they told me to inform the people here,
Of what I'd done.
So I did.
And now all I want to do.
Is call them up and blame them.
Call them up and yell at them,
It's all your fault.
And now.
On a lonely Thursday morning,
In a lonly room,
Just down the hall from happy banter,
I am a prisoner.
And I could run,
But what's the point?
They would catch me somehow.
And I could lie,
And escape,
But what's the point?
They'll catch me somehow.
So I am a lonely prisoner,
Sitting in an empty room,
On an empty couch, I am alone.
There's no one here to trust,
Everyone wants to help,
But me telling them, hurt them,
And them helping me, hurts.
And it's all your fault,
Because you couldn't fix me,
Because you couldn't make it all better,
And you sent me to someone,
Implicitly promising salvation,
And that someone,
Wants to take it all away.
My life,
My point,
My existence.
They'll send me off on a medical leave.
And I'll cry myself to sleep.
I'll cry myself sick.
I'll cry myself dead.
But no one will ever understand,
That the stress of school is all I've ever known.
They won't ever accept
That to banish me would be
Akin to signing my death warrant,
They'll miss the point.
They'll send me away.
And I'll die
Even if I don't die,
I'll wither into nothing,
Because there will be nothing left to cling to.
And I DON'T WANT TO DIE,
But I've forgotten how to fight.
They keep saying that
On Monday night,
I made a serious attempt,
And that it wasn't me rejecting it,
But my body said no,
And I was relieved of all my attempt.
Violently.
But that was then,
I think,
This is now,
And now I have promises,
And promises are all I have,
So I cling to them like nothing else.
When I say yes,
I promise,
I'll call you if I am in need,
Then the promise will hold.
It is a bouy in this sea of emptiness,
Salvation where you'd least expect to find it,
When I am in my darkest hours,
The promise is the only thing
It is everything,
It is all.
So everything I am,
All the strength I have,
Belongs to that promise,
And when there's nearly nothing left,
The last fight with this emptiness,
Will be to keep that promise.
And I cannot tell a lie,
Not like this.
The closest thing,
Is my silence,
My omissions,
So if you ask directly,
I cannot tell a lie.
I know better than to screw it all up,
Like that.
But who will believe me?
Hospitalized.
Committed.
I obviously can't think for myself,
So they'll think for me.
And I lost it all.
Because you told me to.