Dunno

What is going on here?
Oh yes, my mistake, hwhat! is going on here!?
Run away from the woman who pronounces "what" like it has two h's...

Oh my god, I'm packing for college.
I need to ship my books... hehe
My first attempt at a suitcase weighed 65ish pounds... too much for the airline to deal with. Too many books.

I'm so lonely... god I need to get out of here.
And I'm getting homesick
missing everyone though I haven't even left yet.

Did I...today...?yes, is that good? I can't tell anymore. Things seem safer when I don't even bother.
And my father
is such a lovely man
child
drunk
brainless afterthought.
How am I
still
so angry at the
unchangeable?
Why
Does he do this?
Why now?
Does he even realize what he's doing?
Perhaps...
not...
He's probably lonely too,
but why?
It's okay to be sad
but I'm tired of the self-medication.

How is it I lasted this long before feeling the brunt of the emotions associated with leaving your entire life behind to make something new somewhere else? All of it is crumbling, so slowly, all this time you can see it coming and you know you can't stop it, and you can't get out from under it, and you can't...articulate, express, even truly comprehend what it feels like to be underneath it all.

I'm going to go cry myself to sleep.