Mazlov's Heirarchy of Needs
So I need this textbook. It's Principles of Biochemistry by... now I can't remember. I'm screwing around on the comp looking at textbooks on Half.com. I say, in my begging voice that isn't addressed to anyone but me and anyone who wants to know that I need/want something. My brother interferes in my reality by saying "that's not a need, that's a want" when I tell him I need it because it's fascinating.
Alex says where does it fit in Mazlov's Heirachry of Needs and I say self-actualization (which is on the top and comes after eating, sleeping, having a home, loving and being loved) so she says "are you there yet?" Yeah that's a good way to make my day. You're a moron helen, because you can't tell want from need, love from hate, you can't even tell if you're living in a home and people love you, how the fuck can you need something in order to achieve self-actualization. Also, we certainly don't love you, bitch, so I don't know wher eyou're getting that from.
Yeah, I hate how much these people disagree with me, assume I'm an idiot, and feel that they need to educate me in the ways of the world. Everything I understand in this world I can't state in front of them becuase they will immediately say "no it's not" or something similarly contrary. And it's not that they're being contrary, they actually believe what they're saying. They seem to hate everything about me but my general malleability which is due to my inability to disagree directly with other people.
I hate this conflict and it is constant. There is no escape except into the silence of my own room. And what's hardest, really, is that the world can go from gently lulling me into comfort in the presence of these truly different people to utter frucking out whaz inducing anger-fear-hatred with one sentence. It hurts terribly and I'm scared of them. And that hurts too.
Shit but this sucks and I don't even know how to tell them that they're destroying me piece by piece.
I don't know why I squashed my minor shift towards hypomania today; it was full of panic, but it was better than this. I'd rather panic and fidget with high anxiety than curl into nothing in the absense of any feeling of being loved.
Alex says where does it fit in Mazlov's Heirachry of Needs and I say self-actualization (which is on the top and comes after eating, sleeping, having a home, loving and being loved) so she says "are you there yet?" Yeah that's a good way to make my day. You're a moron helen, because you can't tell want from need, love from hate, you can't even tell if you're living in a home and people love you, how the fuck can you need something in order to achieve self-actualization. Also, we certainly don't love you, bitch, so I don't know wher eyou're getting that from.
Yeah, I hate how much these people disagree with me, assume I'm an idiot, and feel that they need to educate me in the ways of the world. Everything I understand in this world I can't state in front of them becuase they will immediately say "no it's not" or something similarly contrary. And it's not that they're being contrary, they actually believe what they're saying. They seem to hate everything about me but my general malleability which is due to my inability to disagree directly with other people.
I hate this conflict and it is constant. There is no escape except into the silence of my own room. And what's hardest, really, is that the world can go from gently lulling me into comfort in the presence of these truly different people to utter frucking out whaz inducing anger-fear-hatred with one sentence. It hurts terribly and I'm scared of them. And that hurts too.
Shit but this sucks and I don't even know how to tell them that they're destroying me piece by piece.
I don't know why I squashed my minor shift towards hypomania today; it was full of panic, but it was better than this. I'd rather panic and fidget with high anxiety than curl into nothing in the absense of any feeling of being loved.