In the Depths of Water...

Memorial Post

willowscry — Tue, 17 Sep 2019 08:28:14 GMT

Hello. This is Mizu's financé. I just finally found her LJ password so I could post this.

On June 2^nd, 2019 at 5:27pm Mizu passed away.

She had a heart attack on May 31^st just shortly after 5:00pm. She fell in the bathtub and hit her head on the wall. She was rushed to the hospital by ambulance as sooo as they were able to get her free of the tub. She coded twice in transit.

Due to the situation with getting her from the tub they didn't get all the info from they should have so she was (against her stated wishes in her Advanced Directive) put on a ventilator.

On June 1st she was transferred to Washington Regional in Fayetteville, Arkansas and put on an EEG monitor.

I was forced to sit and watch her EEG slowly flatline while tried to verify I did in fact her her power of attorney and what her advanced directive said. It was not until Early afternoon on June 2nd they finally got the information. After signing the paperwork confirming I wanted her removed from the ventilator as her AD made it quite clear she wouldn't want to be kept alive on it they came and disconnected her.

She took her last breath 39 seconds after it was turned off.

I really wish I could have informed all of you of the situation sooner, but without her password and not knowing which email account she was using it took me a bit of time to get in here.

If you wish to contact me, you can do so at joeyteel AT joeyteel DOT com

Stuff...

willowscry — Mon, 25 Feb 2019 04:17:28 GMT

Well, it only took almost 2 months to make a post this year.

1. I missh how things were just 10 years ago. :/ I have no one to fangirl with anymore, and no enablers for my writing.

2. Lost my left foot due to an infection that became osteomyelitis, and being diabetic made it worse. This was November. I still have a small hole in the incision area since I fell on it 3 times before all sutures were removed (one time was in the rehab unit of hte hospital!)

3. Got that stupid film over my cataract replacement lens. Getting that (hopefully) fixed in a couple of weeks.

4. Totally depressed, having lots of headaches, and just not caring about things in general. Seriously, most (if not all) of my email is from mailing lists. :( I kind of hate myself. I'm not good in social situations, and it's hard for me to talk to people.

5. Oh, and I might have lost my job if my doctor didn't get that form bacck to them in time. Officially, my leave ended Saturday. That's up in the air right now.

willowscry — Fri, 04 May 2018 03:29:38 GMT

Okay, well. The good: I’m still alive and got a new car that has a warranty and isn’t falling apart around me. The bad: I owe a bunch of people a lot of money that I don’t have. That includes paying the sales tax and registration on said new car.
If any one is still following me and reading this, please, if you can, send some money this way. You can send it via https://paypal.me/pools/c/8463sfXlg2 anything would help out. I need at least $1000 to cover the vehicle thing, more to catch up on loans that I didn’t want to default on, but pretty much have at this point.

Also, I don’t remember what my last post on here was, but since Halloween, I’ve two surgeries, a ten day stay in the hospital at the beginning of the year, and the a blister reforming on my foot to push things back yet again. And I’ve on an unpaid leave of absence since the beginning of last August.

Again send money to: https://paypal.me/pools/c/8463sfXlg2

I hope anyone still reads this, and I hope you can help, even if it’s just a $1.

Sooo....

willowscry — Sun, 10 Sep 2017 23:48:42 GMT

I have just come up with a totally logical reason why anime!Yagyuu's hair is purple.

Why do I hate myself now?

oh, it's a subject

willowscry — Wed, 16 Aug 2017 20:56:19 GMT

Yes, I am aware my header image is missing due to PhotoBucket wanting $400 a year for me to display it. The truth is, after over 10 years of it, I think it's time for a new look. I'll be making a new image, and then messing with the colors. Maybe more of a brighter blue. (I hate to say this, but I don't have a back up of the image we've all come to know. :( )

Also, off work again due to medical reasons. :/ Monetary donations would be helpful. Money will go to paying down my medical bills, and after that, to the repair my car fund. PM me for further details, questions, etc.

willowscry — Wed, 07 Jun 2017 04:08:02 GMT

So...my fiance and I have been watching cartoons from the 80s on Netflix lately. I guess mostly out of nostaglia...Well, for me it was because when I was kid my parents didn't believe in cable and we only had over the air TV. And none of the local stations had She-Ra. :( I could only watch it at my grandparents house...and when my grandfather died in '86, my grandmother moved in with one of my aunt and uncles, so no more seeing She-Ra at all.

So, we've been watching He-Man, She-Ra, and The Real Ghostbusters. I commented the other night while watching Ghostbusters that Egon was probably my first cartoon nerd crush. LOL....anyway, somehow we expanded on that earlier this evening and we came up with the dumbest, cross the multi-verses theory. We came to the conclusion that Egon is Inui's father. :P My theory was that after the Ghostbusters went bust, he moved to Japan and fell in love with a local....and bam, there's a kiddo...as for the name thing....maybe they never got married. *shrug* It would explain a lot though....

Also found a bunch of old memes I'd saved for some reason. One was "30 Days of TeniPuri".... The very last question on it was what kind of crossover do you think would be awesome. I now have Ghostbusters to add to the list of Pern and Digimon. (Yes, I'm crazy, I know :)) I should go back to my Pern story and continue it...Then again, I still want to continue the story I wrote in 2011 for NaNoWriMo...despite my 10 or so plot holes (yeah, introduce a character's twin sister when you'd already introduced him as a baby...without a twin >.> )

On the other hand, I now have a girlfriend for poor 'Tarou. (And if anyone remembers my fascination with that little group....). I'm more amused that I can accept the more popular pairings if they're the children of the canon characters...and hetero...(Hasumi and Hiroki are so cute though...and both come from fucked up families...And 'Tarou..ended up getting advice from DAd about how to NOT to insult a lady, especially one that's the demon child of Akaya >D) >.<

Not sure why I'm still fascinated with the Chibi Troika verse...Then again, maybe it's because I've fleshed it out a bit more than it was before. Somehow, some of the characters got a bit rearranged from where they originally were intended. I intended to get most of Rikkai's children so they would at least be in school together at some point. Hiroki ended up being the same age as the actual Chibi Troika...he was supposed to be a year younger, along with a couple of others. Akaya's kids are older than my main characters... And now I've managed to make my head hurt.

Okay, TL:DR version:
I have stupid theories and too many unfinished projects I'd like to finish.

"Niou's Christmas" Translation

willowscry — Thu, 11 May 2017 00:44:07 GMT

I'm not going to bother putting the orginal Japanese lyrics. I can provide you a link if you'd like to look at them and compare and maybe offer better suggestions.

Niou's Christmas

Sometimes it’s tough to leave
A familiar voice, a smile at your back
increasing footsteps, eventually come here to the rooftop at sunset
Half heartedly raise your hand
Don’t turn around, it’s the same two words
Interpreting the nuance depends on your mood
I can’t wait to send light into the city and make noise
Start running out into the melting light
It becomes dazzling; I narrowed my eyes
That one scene in a movie
remember the title….?

Sing! Dance! Holy day’s party night
Happy, merry Christmas!
No matter what it’s “Merry Christmas!”
Amazing mischief and lies
Miraculous spice lie as if dreaming all night long
Nobody can sleep tonight

Take a lit candle
After that, do it again
Watch as night rises outside - moving moonlight
Sweet, sweet cake
Isn’t it special tonight?
Sweet poems won’t make me smile today

It’s usual to remove the tough skin*
But midnight can’t seriously analyze
Important words like “Losing sight of yourself”
The merry feelings of bad boys!
Prepare yourself tonight

Sing! Dance! Christmas Party Night
Happy! Merry-go-round!
Unfamiliar “Merry Christmas”
Amazing mischief and lies
Outside the window the miraculous spice of a white Christmas
No one can sleep tonight

Because it’s such a wonderful night
An unforgettable fun night
The kind stars invite us with a grand trap
Crazy! Nightmare!

Sing! Dance! Holy day’s party night
“Happy, merry Christmas!”
No matter what “Merry Christmas!”
Amazing mischief and lies
The miraculous spice is dreaming all night long
I can’t make anyone sleep tonight

All over the world, It’s a wonderful life!

*Google Translate gives this as “It’s the usual thing to remove the slugs.” One of the apps on my tablet gave it as “saddle” I kind of want to change it further, but…well…I’ve already a few words that weren’t there, so…and the one word in it that's written in katakana is actually a dirty word in English (lol) but add another syllable to it, it's an adjective. Once I got that figured out, we got somewhere where this finally made sense.

Also, I'm not sure if スパイス is supposed to be "spice" or "spies" Or would "spies" have the "zu" at the end instead just the "su"? In one case, spice makes sense, in the first and last verse, you could maybe argue for "spies". I'm kind of leaning to spice and he's using "miracolous spice" as a long way of saying "snow." I could be wrong. Ask Nagai Sachiko. She wrote it. :P

I should probably use more subject lines...

willowscry — Wed, 10 May 2017 22:37:39 GMT

I'm back on a song translating quest. Actually I've been trying to translate the song "Niou's Christmas" from his album since it came out however long ago that was. (LOL...)

I've gotten a bit farther with the help of some apps on my tablet. Even with his talent for saying random stuff, I'm pretty sure Niou would not be yelling "Ocassionally hold the shark"...or whatever it was that Google Translate gave me for the first line. Don't get me wrong, I know they do have a thing called shark soup in Japan, but...and removing parts of the phrase also gave me "Release the squirrel". Okay, I could totally see him saying that, but....just not in a Christmas-sy song.

I'm only about a quarter of the way through the song right now...and what I'm getting is...I'm not sure if he saw the movie "It's a Wonderful Life" once and had forgetten about and is trying to remember it for some reason, or if he having some sort of Scrooge reaction to Christmas, even though the music itself is fairly upbeat. Or if he suddenly became overcome by cynicism over the commercialization of what to one religion should be a holy day...and for being 14/15 years old in canon...That is some really depressing thoughts he's having there.

Also, keep in mind that Yukimura's seiyuu actually wrote this song. I really hope that's not how she really feels about her character's fellow teammate.

Edit: I'm now of the opinion he's a cynical asshole about Christams. :/ (Then again, I might be too if my birtday was within a month of either side of the holiday.) Almost done with the base translation. Then I get to have fun rearranging it into pretty English.

2nd Edit: Okay, on cleaning it up a bit...not entirely cynical I guess. I get the feeling more "Christmas is a great time to just be myself and keep my title of "Trickster" alive" I still get a bit of a feeling of "screw you world, I actually hate this time of year, but what the hey?" I'll post it here in a few.

willowscry — Wed, 03 May 2017 16:20:48 GMT

I just realized that later this year, I will have been working on fanfic100 for ten years... Yeah. I should probably just give up, but...I have less than 25 left to go, soooo...

I just am having a hard time getting motivated to write, plus with my laptop being a desktop now and not actually very portable which means I can't really sit anywhere that is actually comfortable in which to do my writing. I have this wierd psychological thing about writing on a desktop where anyone can look over my shoulder and read what I'm doing. The only person that would be doing that is my other half, who usually betas exchange stuff for me anyway, but it's still the principle of it.

And speaking of exchanges, I could really use one to get the creative juices flowing again. Also, found out the hard way that the one little challenge I was doing has been deleted. I don't know if it was by the owner, or by LJ. I went to look at one of the fics I'd written for it, and poof.

willowscry — Fri, 17 Feb 2017 19:06:41 GMT

Hello world. Another birthday passed, with no big issues.

Life update: Need surgery, only surgeon nearby that can do it, won't do it because I'm too high risk a patient. :/ I don't want to deal with the other hospital in that city because they just suck (money from their patients...especially the ones that don't qualify for Medicaid and are on fixed incomes...that's a whole other rant though) and I stil blame one of their doctors for the amputation of my toes and I totally want nothing to do with them at all, even if they do have a surgeon that could do this. And basically, what I need done is a bypass on the main artery through my left legs because all the stents that have been placed have failed. So I'm kind of in a limbo regarding that. I also need a heart bypass, but no one will do that until my foot heals and they don't think it will heal up until I have the bypass on my leg done, and they don't want to do the heart bypass unless it's healed because of the risk of infection.

On another front, I have gained several pounds back. In college, when I lived in the dorms and walked to all my classes (It was a small community college, and my furthest class from the dorm was at the top of a hill.). I weighed about 220 then. I felt good about myself, and I could fit into size 22W jeans. I'm now back upto my high school weight of hovering right around 300. Even worse? Apperently sizing has changed on the brand of panties I used to always buy. In high school, I always wore the same brand, same style, and I could wear a size 10. I bought a pack of those, since I had been to a point I could wear size 9, and I so I bought them...and they are frickin' too damn tight. I haven't expanded out through my hips and belly that much (but my jeans are back to a 26W :/ If they have lycra or spandex or whatever stretchy stuff woven in with them, 24W if I'm lucky.)

Why can't women's clothes just be sized like men's, by the actual measurements. Also, I remember when plus sized shirts a 3XL was a 24/26W not 22/24. Now to ge a 26W I have get a fucking 4X!! This is why I hate clothes, or at least the sizing on women's. I also hate when stores mix plus size and normal sizes. We have to rifle through all the shit we can't wear but would love to if it was only available in our size!

I see a bunch of clothes at work I would love to have, if they were in my size. Of course they're not, they're for normal sized people, not those of us that have given up on our weight struggles and have just accepted that we can't wear fashionable, cute, sassy t-shiirts with snarky sayings on them because we have curves. Right now, my current philosphy on clothes is I'm buying men's t-shirts, and sweats, and the jeans are for work only (yay for working on a shirt where I can!).

One day I would like to have not pay an extra dollar or two because I need a bit of extra fabric. Besides, if I was running a clothing shop, I'd be an asshole and start charging extra at the XL size. Seriously, it's extra large, therefore they had to use extra fabric, and the consumer should have to pay for bigger than a large. I mean, us obese people are already paying this penalty, why shouldn't people that wear any size starting with X's not have to as well?

LIke I said, I'm an asshole.

willowscry — Wed, 07 Dec 2016 23:25:08 GMT

Does any one still hang around here?

willowscry — Tue, 09 Aug 2016 18:34:45 GMT

Ugh.....I was so close to getting my financial situation straightened out, but then Microsoft had to pull some nasty shit with the fiance's PayPal account (took more for an Office account WHICH HE HAD CANCELLED) and basically fucked him over royally which means I'm now screwed in the bad way as well. :/.

Well, if any one would like to help out, Ihave my own PayPal account and I'll accept donations. (PM me for more info)

Hah,and I supposed to be needing heart surgery? There's no way in fuck we'd be able to make it without the money I'm making from work. We're not making now!

willowscry — Tue, 14 Jun 2016 07:35:10 GMT

Soooo....

I'm alive.

I feel I have become the Yukimura joke though. I've been in and out of the hospital so much the past year it's not even funny anymore. My most recent stay was just last week when during hyperbaric oxygen therapy to assist in treating wounds, I had a seizure due to oxygen toxicity. (If you're familiar with deep sea diving, you may have heard of this...)

I'm getting to the point where I no longer care if I live or die though. All my medicine in getting too expensive, my drug plan doesn't want to cover the medicines I'm currently taking and wants me to switch to something that will cost me more out of pocket co-pays...

I am....I just can't really deal with this shit anymore.

Even worse, I'm not even 40 yet, and they're talking about doing open heart surgery on me....It's a scary thought. And yet...I don't even really want to go through with it. I just don't feel like anyone will really care if I live a few extra years or not...

willowscry — Thu, 31 Dec 2015 18:37:08 GMT

1. The vacuum of time.
2. Terror in the night.
3. Flashes of euphoria.
4. Dancing with the devil.
5. Fatal accident.
6. Haunting melody.
7. Black ice.
8. Breathtaking reality.
9. Sensation of loss.
10. Shooting star.
11. Broken spirit.
12. Aurora Borealis.
13. Left behind.
14. Unguarded touch.
15. Last time.
16. Dying sun.
17. Devastating explosion.
18. Alone in a crowd.
19. Fragmented truths.
20. Gaping chasm.
21. Arise from the ashes.
22. The end of the beginning.
23. Remember me.
24. Flash of lightning.
25. Emergency evacuation.
26. Immortal laughter.
27. A whisper on the wind.
28. Electrifying sacrifice.
29. The calm before the storm.
30. A life of lies.
31. The winds of change.
32. The hand of fate.
33. Desperate plea.
34. Nightmare.
35. Whitewashed walls.
36. Caught in the act.
37. Wake up, the day is dying.
38. Close your eyes.
39. Beyond the horizon.
40. Finality.
41. Releasing the sparrow.
42. Something's out there.
43. Golden miracle.
~~44. I covet you.~~
45. The eye of the storm.
46. Screaming silence.
47. Her body was found…
48. I used to remember you.
49. Gasping confession.
50. Betrayal.

51. Uncontrollable wrath.
52. Dragon of shadow.
53. Natural disaster.
54. Leap of faith.
55. Faceless and nameless.
56. Harsh revelation.
57. A path to follow.
58. The power of goodbye.
59. Through a child's eyes.
60. One final look back.
61. Crumbling heart.
62. Ignored instinct.
63. Seductive danger.
64. Jumbled truths.
65. Shallow grave.
66. Why they call it falling.
67. Volcano.
68. Dying land.
69. A child's truth.
70. Antiseptic air.
71. Chained to mortality.
72. Dim as an ember.
73. Acid tears.
74. Unexpected emptiness.
75. Miraculous relief.
76. Letting go.
77. What Earth once was.
78. Frantic search.
79. Tragic moment.
80. Beneath the smiles.
81. Across the worlds.
82. In the still of the night.
83. Counting years.
84. Kidnapped innocence.
85. Tears of desire.
86. Ring of sunlight.
87. Trembling cold.
88. Missing planet.
89. Suffering rain.
90. Parched ego.
91. Toxic tease.
92. Horrific distortion.
93. Miracle ruin.
94. Wailing shadows.
95. Barren abyss.
96. Ravenous time.
97. Approaching doom.
98. Eternal danger.
99. Vacant arch.
100. Recoil.

500 Themes: 1-100

willowscry — Thu, 31 Dec 2015 18:23:44 GMT

willowscry — Sat, 05 Dec 2015 20:42:45 GMT

I really have no idea when the last time I posted was, but it's been quite a while. I've spent most of the last 6 months in and out of the hospital. IT started with an infection in my foot, which somehow got lodged above my right clavicle and had to be removed surgically. Late October, my surgical scar started draining pus, and I got sent for several weeks of IV antibiotics. I'm now on the downhill side of that, and they say I should be home in around two weeks. I'm keeping my fingers crossed. I don't want to jinx it.

willowscry — Thu, 02 Apr 2015 16:31:28 GMT

I've also been working on a sequel/preqquel story to the one I wrote for the last exchange I was in. So far, it's longer than the orignal work, has little in the way of plot, and a fucked up in the head Niou....Yeah.

Maybe I just wanted to shoehorn in a little bit of Niou/Renji...only on a dysfunctional level?

willowscry — Thu, 02 Apr 2015 02:57:30 GMT

So....I watched one of the Bleach movies today. (Hell Verse, if you must know which one)

WHY?!

It wasn't that bad, but...the one scene that sticks out is one that wasn't even all that important to the overall plot. But apparently, my deep fangirling shipping sense went off. (I thought that was buried away except for certain pairings....) Yes, the scene that sticks out is little Rukia pretty much shushing Renji with just a wave of her arm. SHE'S HALF HIS SIZE HE IS WHIPPED! I was like...what? And it's like...this makes for an awesome pairing just for that. >.>

...Yeah, I had to get that out.

willowscry — Sun, 29 Mar 2015 21:50:15 GMT

So, did LJ Login finally die due to firefox's recent updates? If so, I'm sad because I can never my password for this account >.>

willowscry — Sat, 21 Mar 2015 17:01:32 GMT

I miss being in RPs....

willowscry — Thu, 29 Jan 2015 22:12:43 GMT

I was randomly rewatching random episodes of Yugioh Duel Monsters (Yay, crappy bootleg subs!!) and I watched the first episode of the Dungeon Dice Monsters arc, where Otogi is introduced...

If he was a PoT character...Otogi has to be the love child of Atobe and Mizuki. It was the whole hair twisting thing...

Doesn't help that he's also voice by the same guy that voices Koharu either.... (though he sounds a lot different trying to be evil)

Edit: Also, random question that popped up in my head in the last couple of seconds, and with the mention of ATobe...

Which character has a larger net worth: Kaiba or Atobe?

willowscry — Thu, 29 Jan 2015 05:31:16 GMT

Went to Walmart to get snacks for marathon writing energy. Went to the coolers to get cottage cheese, I got shocked, and it actually left a small burn on my finger! Ouch!

Also, demon computer has had a bit of an exorcism...Ran disk cleanup...got over 7GB freed up. I probably should run that more often...

willowscry — Wed, 21 Jan 2015 16:17:16 GMT

...If I renamed my computer, do you think it would behave better?

(fyi: My computer's network name is Akaya >.> See why I think I should rename it?)

willowscry — Fri, 02 Jan 2015 21:06:01 GMT

I want to apologize to everyone that I promised Christmas cards to, but I didn't get them sent out. I'm sorry about that. I do feel bad about it, but...like everyone else, I got busy, but I didn't get any time off from work because Christmas and new years fell on my normal days off and I did a lot of running around.

By the way, what about rain makes people drive like complete and total retards?

willowscry — Thu, 11 Dec 2014 20:30:41 GMT

Yay, Christmas is coming!

Anyone want a card? If so, send me a PM with your address, and I'll send you one. Probably with a little doodle as a gift. ^.^