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webzines — Sun, 22 Jul 2007 02:12:14 GMT

Figure I might as well start using this thing again, right? It just kind of seemed to be pointless while having a greatestjournal too, for a while. But, eh. There's always something you wanted to ramble on about that you forget to throw in an update, right? No point in editing it in, because it doesn't fit...and, well, no reason to clutter your friends page with something kind of pointless. Even though I suppose this drabble is just that -- pointless. Ah, oh well.

I think I might just use this for random pictures, thoughts, etc. Because my GJ seems to be the only place I vent, anymore. I don't know. But, it works, right? Nothing too personal and boring to sit and stare at, right? Whatever.

^ that would be my "holy red hair" job. :)

And, because this one is kind of huge...
Mufasa likes to use my arm as a pillow sometimes.

Oh, yeah. I'm so taking down my icons and putting new ones up. This journal is in desperate need of a make over. Don't get me wrong, FOB still owns a good portion of my heart. I just...cannot stand to look at Pete Wentz' face any longer.

It's only two days behind, but I'm still trying to catch up..

webzines — Sat, 22 Apr 2006 17:43:27 GMT

Since my throat still hurts, I'm refusing to talk (out loud) to anyone about Black Clouds and Underdogs. It was a great show. I only wish a certain person would've not showed up to bug me the whole time. But, you can't have it all, right?

I'm so fucking sick of hearing people say "that band is gay" or "those guys are a bunch of fags". Just so you know, gay is not a synonym for shitty. If you want to say a band is shitty, then just say they're fucking shitty and stop being a homophobic idiot.

-Peter Wentz

In a nutshell, my love for Fall Out Boy is stronger than ever. Say you hate them. Say their music sucks. I really don't care, 'cause your opinion doesn't phase me. I'm head over heels in love with their music and their words. And, nothing you say is going to change that.

Pretty much, Hawthorne Heights pwnd on 4/20. All the other bands were either amazing or okay, but they just.. wow. Blew me away, pretty much. Well, what I caught between trying to talk to Shawn on the phone was mind blowing, anyway. FFTL was.. meh. Sonny really knows how to work the crowd, but their set wasn't all that great. It was kind of like.. I don't know, like they didn't fit, as a band, with the rest on this tour. October Fall won my heart over (again) just for playing Hey Hey. Those guys are doing something right, and will definitely go places. I'm sure of it. The next Panic!? We'll just have to see. AAR and FOB.. well, I don't even know how to explain their sets. I'd say amazing, but that's all I seem to be saying these past two days. I was just happy to hear Swing Swing, no matter how teenie that might make me look. And, FOB played Honorable Mention. But, the best part about that was probably the fact that these two (drunk off their asses) moms that were next to me, were singing along the whole time. So was I, but at least I didn't feel so out of place. Not that I wouldn't have minded much, but still.

I'm going back up north tomorrow. Then it's back to my 9-5 (or 8-4:30, whatever). At least I'll be getting paid when I get back, though. Being broke sucks. But, that's all I can think of (for now). Hopefully, I'll come back and update this thing a little more often. ♥

webzines — Sat, 11 Mar 2006 09:13:40 GMT

I didn't die. I just.. have no interest in writing in this thing? Something like that.

008; whoops.

webzines — Sat, 25 Feb 2006 03:53:59 GMT

WILL YOU GO TO PROM WITH ME
AND DANCE AND DANCE AND DANCE

So, apparently I get very distracted and forget I even have this thing. Not like I put anything important in here like.. ever. But, oh well. Or, something like that. I don't even know what to talk about. OH, WAIT. Yes I dooo.

Haha. So, Ryan has mine and Jenna's ticket for the Fall Out Boy concert. I don't know if I've mentioned that already or not. So, yeah. Umm. I got into a huge fight with mom and threatened to move back out. Obviously that didn't happen. I went and watched Final Destination 3 with Jimmy "Neutron". :) aaaand, I don't know what else.

I've been having the craziest dreams, lately. I don't even know why. But, I know they're stranger than anything else I've ever dreamt. Like.. I don't even know how to explain them. But, most the time they seem so real that it's scary. And, I even wake up thinking whatever I just dreamt really happened. I remember waking up crying last week 'cause I had a dream Mufasa died. It was horrible. :\

This is probably the most crap-tastic update I've ever made. But, you know you love it. And if you don't, then stop reading? ;)

EDIT:
Dear Diary,
Mood: Apathetic

My life is spiraling downward! I couldn't get enough money to go to the Bloodred Romance and Suffocate Me Dry concert. It sucks 'cause they play some of my favorite songs... Like "Stab My Heart Because I Love You", " and "Rip Apart My Soul", or of course "Stabby Rippy Stab, Stab". And, it doesn't help that I couldn't get my hair to do that flippy thing either, like that one guy from that one band can do... some days.

I'm an Emo Kid, nonconforming as can be. You'd be nonconforming too if you looked just like me. I have paint on my nails and makeup on my face. I'm almost emo enough to start shaving my legs. 'Cause I feel real deep when I'm dressing in drag. I call it freedom of expression, most just call me a fag. 'Cause our dudes look like chicks, and our chicks look like dikes. 'Cause emo is one step below transvestite.

Stop my breathing and slit my throat. I must be emo. I don't jump around when I go to shows. I must be emo.

I'm dark and sensitive, with low self esteem. The way I dress makes every day feel like Halloween. I have no real problems but I like to make believe. I stole my sister's mascara and now I'm grounded for a week. Sulking and writing poetry are my hobbies. I can't get through a Hawthorne Heights album without sobbing. Girls keep breaking up with me, it's never any fun. They say they already have a pussy, they don't need another one.

Stop my breathing and slit my throat!! I must be emo. I don't jump around when I go to shows... I must be emo. Dying my hair and polish on my toes. I must be emo. I play guitar and write suicide notes. I must be emo.

My life is just a black abyss. You know, it's so dark. And, it's suffocating me. Grabbing ahold of me and tightening it's grip. Tighter than a pair of my little sister's jeans (which look great on me, by the way).

When I get depressed I cut my wrists in every direction. Hearing songs about getting dumped give me an erection. I write in a Live Journal and wear thick-rimmed glasses. I told my friends I bleed black and cry during classes. I'm just a bad and cheap imitation of goth. You can give me Catcher in the Rye and watch my jack off. I wear skin tight clothes while hating my life. If I said I liked girls, I'd only be half right.

I look like I'm dead and dress like a homo. I must be emo. Screw Xbox, I play oldschool Nintendo. I must be emo. I like to whine and hit my parentals. I must be emo. Me and my friends all look. like. clones... I must be emo.

My parents just don't get me, you know? They think I'm gay just 'cause they saw me kiss a guy... Well, a couple guys. But, I mean, it's the 2000's. Can't two... or four dudes make out with each other without being gay? I mean, chicks dig that kind of thing, anyways. I don't know, Diary. Sometimes, I think that you're the only one that gets me... You're my best friend.

I feel like tacos..

007; you said the distance would make a difference, but it didn't.

webzines — Tue, 07 Feb 2006 16:37:17 GMT

Look at me, forgetting I have an LJ, again. Sigh. Okay. So, the whole Ben deal is pissing me off. Nobody will tell me a damn thing. Well, mom does. But, I'm still not sure I believe her. A few hours after I typed my last update in this thing, I asked mom where he was at and what was going on. She said that he dropped all his stuff, including his cat, off at a friend's house and decided to check himself into rehab down there. Um.. wtf? I know he smokes marijuana occasionally. But, rehab? Why do I feel like I've missed way more than I should've? Doesn't anyone tell the little sister anything anymore? I just wish someone would let me know what's going on from time to time. Maybe then I wouldn't feel so alienated from this family.

Um.. In other news? I have a bed now. Keith finally put it up for me. It's giant and takes up too much space. Well, that's what I think, anyway. 'Cause I'm not used to making room for a bed frame. I'm used to just a mattress on the floor, you know.

Mom and Dad got their tax money back sometime last week. So, mom and I went shopping. And, of course, I was a spoiled brat, too. Hahaha. It's not my fault I would say something like, "Mom, will you buy me this?", hold it up, and then get a, "Yeah, but only if you... feel this pillow!" I mean, seriously.

Jenna is my Valentine this year. I called before we left to go shopping and when she called me back, I asked her. It was kind of funny, too. It just kind of sucks that the "best friends" Dora bracelets are friggen tiny, and I can't take 'em back. Oh well. Whatever. I spent part of the day hanging out with her on Saturday. I was supposed to help her move her sister into her sister's new place. But, something came up and we weren't needed, or something. Yeah.

I dyed my hair purple the other night. Only, it's more of a reddish color than anything. Meh, whatever. It was only that temporary stuff. 'Cause it was either pay $3 for temp, or ask to borrow money from mom for the other stuff. And, I knew mom wouldn't lend me any since she's so against me dying my hair and all.

Hopefully, I'll be getting a job soon. So I won't have that kind of a problem. I've been filling out applications everywhere close to the house and still.. nothing. :\

I should probably stop typing this, though. It's getting really long and.. yeah. Plus, I need to be getting ready to leave. I get to "babysit" Tammie tonight. Fun, fun. But, hey. It's money.. even if she is 26. xD
I'll explain some other time. ;x

006; shell of myself..

webzines — Thu, 02 Feb 2006 17:55:34 GMT

Lately i've been a shell of myself can't you see?

That certianly doesn't begin to explain it, really. I force this smile, half assed, just to avoid questions. I find the most time consuming things I can do right now, just to keep my mind off things. Last night, my cousin asked me what was wrong. Apparently, it's obvious that I'm not myself. But, I promised not to say a word to anyone. I've stopped letting myself think, for the most part. Not because I don't want to. But, because whenever I do, it ends up bad. Like, wishing I could change so much of the past bad. :\

I cannot hold back the feelings of fear within me..

What if what I've feared the most since right before hearing this so-called "news" is true? What if I really am losing him? What if he never actually tells us? If before he gets to say anything, something happens? I'm so scared. I don't even know how I'm going to be able to sit here and look at him when he gets here, without everything being written on my face.

Aside from all that.. Ben's supposed to be coming. He should've been here last night. But, he "went to Jason's and fell asleep by accident." So, he's on his way now? I don't know. I just know that he should have been here by now, and something is up. It doesn't take no 5 hours to get here from Indianapolis. :\
Ryan is on his way home, right now, to order our tickets for FOB. It's really disappointing, though. Second level seats is the best we could find.. anywhere. Or, we could've went with G/A ones that were being sold for $175.. each. Uhm, ouch? No thanks. I'll just hope that the little bit of advice I got from this girl the other night will prove to be true. If not.. Oh well, I guess. I mean, there's nothing else I can do, right? Ugh, whatever. I'm just in an overall craptastic mood. >:|

Oh, and.. here's some pictures.

Last night:

Today:

Uhh.. a long while ago:
[they're just Mufasa & Tweety, anyway]

[this is my desktop background. ;x]
You know you love my sheets. Don't hate. :p

WHERE THE FUCK IS MY BROTHER?! It's 3:40 now. He was supposed to be here at 1:30 this morning. As in an hour and a half after midnight. lskjghsekrhg I'm going to go insane. :\

005; no subject

webzines — Tue, 31 Jan 2006 23:32:22 GMT

I'm so relaxed, right now. I took the hottest shower I could stand.. Which, was almost too hot. My skin is still pink, and I've been out for at least a half hour now. Yeah. It's nice, though. And, as soon as my hair is dry, I'll go make it not curly.

Momma bought me some more new makeup today. So, now I get to go play "make-myself-pretty"... When I go to straighten my hair, that is.

Uhh. What else? I know there was something more I was going to say. Ugh, I can't think. Oh well, doesn't matter.

I need to stop having crazy-ass dreams, too.

004; and i don't want the world to see me..

webzines — Tue, 31 Jan 2006 03:49:21 GMT

Went shopping with mom, yesterday. I got some Jelly Belly sour jellybeans. I was probably the happiest kid, ever, too. We ended up having to go back up to the store after dinner, 'cause they overcharged us for some shit. As we were pulling into the parking lot, SWGD came on. So, I made mom sit through it before we could go it. haha. On the way out of the parking lot, AAR came on. Kari had just a wee too much fun in the van. Mhmmm.

I didn't do anything today. I made myself a sandwich about an hour after I got up, but that's about it. OH, Shawn called. We talked for a bit before "dinner was ready". It's so nice, to get random phone calls like that. Just 'cause the other person is "bored and misses you". It was sweet. And, I love when I get to talk to him for a long time about absolutely nothing in particular. It's kind of strange, too. How much we've grown on one another in the short time I was living there. He was telling me about all these bands he's listening to now, that I've been listening to for a few years now, and vice versa.

Anyway. The point of this update. I took a picture of Keith while he was sleeping earlier. Just 'cause I'm a great little sister and all, you know. And, I told Cat I'd put it in here for everyone to see. ;x

Oh & plus this one of me:

from last night when I hated the world. ;x

003; no news is good news.

webzines — Sun, 29 Jan 2006 04:56:10 GMT

I really hate it when I get one of those "I have so much to say and no idea how to say it" moments. Or, just when I do know how to say it, but I can't. Not to mention, I promised I wouldn't tell anyone. It just.. well, for a lack of a better word, sucks. I wish I could take back so many things right now. Or that I could say or do so many more things that I never got the chance to. What hit me the hardest, though, wasn't the "bad" part that she told me. It was after that.. when she said, "I love you so much, Sissy, and I want you to always know that." And, right now, is about the time that I feel like the biggest ass in the history of ever, for still not mentioning that I'm moving back to Holt. I really, really hate it when life throws you a giant curve ball. It just makes me either want to scream and get everything out, or just lay down and sleep for a week. I'd probably be better off with option two, 'specially since it's going on midnight.

Since it's actually still the 28th as I type this, it's still Lori's birthday. So, HAPPY BITRHDAY, BIG SIS!♥ I only wish that I could've made the day better for you. That you didn't have to find out such things on your birthday. That Jeffery would be better for you. And, that I could've been there with you.

If I did more than sleep today, I'd probably have more to talk about, too. But, I didn't. I woke up just before 2, took a shower, fell back asleep on Keith's bed, woke up at like.. 7, waited for forever for some food, talked with Lori, went and laid down to watch some tv, and now here I am. Wow, how lame. Whatever.

002; no subject

webzines — Sat, 28 Jan 2006 05:02:29 GMT

Let's see how much I can squeeze in, in five minutes. 'Cause I really want to go to bed as soon as possible.

Nothing interesting happened today, the end.

There, that took a lot less time that I imagined. :D

Really, though. I woke up at 7:00 to babysit. Alicia came home early from school 'cause she hit her head on the slide. She's fine, blahdy-blah. I honestly can't remember anything else. But, it's not like it matters much.

I guess Ryan's going to try getting tickets to the April 20th show. Which, would be pretty rad. I just have to call Jenna tomorrow. Make sure we're still going and all. I'll be uber pissed if we aren't. Seriously. But, I don't think she'd back out on me on something like this. I'm even willing to pay her back for the ticket once I get money.

Alright. That's it. It's midnight. Bedtime. :)

OH, PS; I uploaded icons and spiffied up my userinfo. Neat, huh? ;x

001; first entry.

webzines — Fri, 27 Jan 2006 05:37:18 GMT

This is my new journal. If you have my old one friended, you can delete it from your list. I don't plan on deleting the journal itself, just 'cause there's a bunch of pictures in there that I don't have on the computer anymore. This one's NOT going to be friends only, though. So, you don't have to comment me to get me to add you back. Just add me if you really want to read my journal. Or, just simply read it. Whatever. If I want to read yours, I'll add you. Makes sense, right?

I honestly don't have anything to update with, right now. I did, however, promise Sarah some pictures. Heh, seriously, we were talking right? And, almost out of nowhere she says, "I dare you to go run and sit on the dryer while it's on and take pictures." So, that's what I did. And, I never did put those pictures up in journal like she asked me to. Whoops. It was only a few days ago, though. It's not like I've been making her wait forever for them.

There's a couple of Cocoa, too. 'Cause she was sitting in front of the washer and dryer, watching me. :)

See, look in front of my leg.. there's Cocoa watching me.
I didn't lie. rofl. :*

without the flash, arm in the light.. hard to see..

turn the flash on, and move the camera.. look, I can molest the dryer, too! ;x

no flash, she looks normal.
[by the way, pay no attention to the nasty basement floor]

with flash, in the middle of a yawn.. OMG DEMON DOG. xD

AND NOW, I'm going to bed. 'Cause I have to get up early tomorrow to babysit. Mom told me that if she had to watch him, for any amount of time that she'd take the money, and I wouldn't get any of it. Not really very fair. 'Cause what if I have to use the bathroom?! Ha, I'll live. Byeeee. ♥