Fri
May
29
Look at this fucking hipster
“Ugh, you guys, none of the girls at this party are paying attention to us. I guess you know what that means…TRIPLE KISS TIME!”
Wed
May
27
“Oh, you want proof I took Honors English in high school? Here, check out this unbelievably pretentious tattoo I got.”
“Wow. I really nailed my David Bowie ukulele cover this time. Yeah, I should definitely post it on YouTube immediately. Because it’s so flawless and people will want to see it.”
Mon
May
25
“Is this a drug-sniffing dog or a mistakes-sniffing dog? Because, either way, he’s right.”
Sat
May
23
“These adult braces aren’t even on the top ten list of things I should be embarrassed about.”
Fri
May
22
“My goal was to make a bicycle that would somehow be more impractical to ride than a unicycle. I think I succeeded? I’m not sure. What does success feel like? Does it feel like being drunk and high and also riding a ridiculous polygon stilt-bike? Because, if that’s the case, I’ve been feeling really successful lately.”


