couples_therapy: 33.4. How much do you know (or want to know) about your partner's exes?
How much do I know? Quite a bit. How much do I want to know? Probably not as much as I do.
I have met all three of my husband's ex-wives and know two of them past just a name and a face. Of course, they were all still his wives when I met them.
I also know that he has had a mistress or two, someone that he ran around with that ended the marriage. Two of his marriages failed due to his infidelity, the third failed due to hers.
At times I think this is a good thing. I know the history. I know what went wrong there (or I think I do). I can prevent it from happening again. I know the women. I know I'm nothing like them. I wasn't fragile when James met me. The first time we met, I wasn't even legal. I was a fifteen year old girl hanging around Princeton for the summer with her uncle. And when we ran into each other again last year...the only thing fragile about me were the bones in my foot that had broken.
I don't need to be constantly cared for. I'm not someone who needs my every whim catered to. I just need him.
And while logically I know that should be enough. While I know we can make it work, it doesn't always stop the nagging feelings in the back of my mind. The thought that maybe Greg was right. That James and I are idiots. That he can't stay married. And that a year or two from now I'm going to be sitting in my uncle's office, crying, telling him that James is cheating on me.
In those times, I think it would be better not to know.
I have met all three of my husband's ex-wives and know two of them past just a name and a face. Of course, they were all still his wives when I met them.
I also know that he has had a mistress or two, someone that he ran around with that ended the marriage. Two of his marriages failed due to his infidelity, the third failed due to hers.
At times I think this is a good thing. I know the history. I know what went wrong there (or I think I do). I can prevent it from happening again. I know the women. I know I'm nothing like them. I wasn't fragile when James met me. The first time we met, I wasn't even legal. I was a fifteen year old girl hanging around Princeton for the summer with her uncle. And when we ran into each other again last year...the only thing fragile about me were the bones in my foot that had broken.
I don't need to be constantly cared for. I'm not someone who needs my every whim catered to. I just need him.
And while logically I know that should be enough. While I know we can make it work, it doesn't always stop the nagging feelings in the back of my mind. The thought that maybe Greg was right. That James and I are idiots. That he can't stay married. And that a year or two from now I'm going to be sitting in my uncle's office, crying, telling him that James is cheating on me.
In those times, I think it would be better not to know.