I had a friend tell me that his therapist sometimes talks to him like a child. When he mentioned it, his therapist confirmed that that’s exactly the part of him she was trying to help heal.

Not the 35-year-old professional sitting on the couch, but the seven-year-old still waiting to be seen. Still learning how to love. The little boy who only witnessed “conflict resolution” as shouting. Whose understanding of connection was limited to spending time with his dad on weekends and a few holidays, and the young man who was forced to care for a mother he should have been able to seek comfort and assurance from.

It hit me how true that is for most of us. We walk around in adult bodies, with adult responsibilities, adult language, yet inside, there’s still a small version of us quietly steering the emotional wheel. The little us that didn’t get to choose how we’d come to understand love and attachment, but is now forced to navigate adult relationships, stumbling over wounds and emotional roadblocks just to get to the love that should be inherently available to us.

We could have never known that one day, we would grow up and wonder why our relationships are hard. Or wonder why the same fights keep showing up with different people. Why we crave closeness but flinch when it arrives. Why we repel those good to us and attach to those who hurt us.

You might think you have relationship problems. But more often than not, the issues that come up are childhood wounds playing themselves out within your connections. What looks like conflict between adults is often just two children still trying to feel safe, understood, and loved in ways they never were.