Em

eh.

venem — Sun, 04 Mar 2007 06:03:51 GMT

Time for the semi-yearly update. Hopefully will have time for this more often...

As many of you may not know, I gave birth to a baby boy by Cesarean section (aieeee!) on May 8th and have been fiendishly busy ever since, which is what babies tend to do: make your life crazy. His name is Celeborn Julian, he's tall and skinny, and he got red hair-- which was what I wanted. I can't even express how wonderful my little one is. He's nearly 10 months old and he's pulling up on the furniture. Also, the other day he said his first word. ("Mama," of course!) And the next day he said the second: "Yum."

In July I moved to Madison, WI; it's a nice town and it's far enough away from both sets of parents that it's very comfortable. I've been reading a lot as well as taking care of my son; I'm not working and I must say, though I wouldn't want to leave him, it's pretty boring being home all day. It's good that I have a project. My fantasy novel is going quite well at the moment; I think I'll have a complete draft by August. Around that time I'll probably be looking for "beta-testers".

Today I went with my family (Chris, Celeborn, my parents, my sister and her boyfriend) to see the Body Worlds 2 exhibit at the Museum of Science & Industry. Bad-fucking-ass. I got to hold a plasticized liver! Hooray for organs!

Hmm. I can't think of much else. It's hard to condense an entire year. Lazy Em!

Oh yeah-- I think everyone should eat a big slice of chocolate cake, chase it with a White Russian, and enjoy the sugar high. :)

awake again.

venem — Mon, 26 Dec 2005 14:52:37 GMT

I am making Christmas dinner for my parents today, a first. They are coming to MY house (eep!).
Let's see, we're gonna have fruit salad with honey-orange yogurt dressing, and pork tenderloin, and something else. I haven't decided yet. And Mom is bringing pie because her pie is better than mine.
Pastry continues to elude me! Curse it.

And I do agree with nique and lyssie... we must get together soon. I'll be stopping work in March or April, but hopefully we can do it before that.

I got three sweaters for Christmas.

The Year-End Update of Doom

venem — Mon, 26 Dec 2005 07:00:31 GMT

It's true that it's been a while. However, it's also true that I damn well miss journalling and need an excuse to do it again.

What have I learned so far in 2005?
1. I need never fear being sixteen years old again, trapped and alone and desperate.
2. A bachelor's degree (no matter what They tell you) in Humanities, of all things, is sort of worthless, at least as far as I can tell. But I learned I can finish something for once in my life.
3. Writing a novel is a whole hell of a lot harder than it looks! Especially a 700-page fantasy opus.
4. Giving up caffeine is WAY harder than giving up cigarettes. Giving up both at once is harder on one's lover than on oneself.
5. Cartoon violence is the most cathartic thing on earth (oh wait, I knew that already!).
6. One cannot stomp, headbang, play Slayer really loud, and still expect the cake in the oven to rise.

What, barring major malfunction of earth's orbit, doomsday comets, Dubya blowing up the world, or general Acts of Gods, is going to happen in 2006?
1. I have no earthly idea, because...
2. My life is changing so fast, I don't have time to yell for Jane to stop this crazy thing!
3. By this time next year I'll have a completed manuscript of "Saga of Menyoral". And I refuse to be working at Einstein Bagels. Even if the bagels are the best on earth. Which they aren't, even if they are pretty good.
4. By May Mr. Shiny and I will have completed our bizarre metamorphosis from feckless twentysomethings into the responsible aliens known as "adults", "big people," or "parents." (see #4 above). Yes, you heard right, and to everyone who already guessed, congrats to you for your clarity of vision, or just your ability to pick up on pheromones.
5. No, we don't know which it'll be yet. Boy, girl, octopus? Place your bets now.

This has been a completely non-holiday-related Public Service Announcement

not sure...

venem — Mon, 26 Dec 2005 05:53:04 GMT

... where to put this.

Suffice it to say, O Hunter Housemates, that Persona Non Grata, elsewise known as JASON, has been in our home.

Chris and I came home to find lights on that I know I had turned off, and all the doors unlocked. Nate's door had been closed and it was open, as well as the attic, and his light was on. PNG did not take his drumset from the attic, but he did enter our room and took a shelf off the wall. He also took the t.v. swivelly stand thing.
I don't think he took anything that wasn't his, but it's scary enough knowing he was here, and that he didn't have the balls to come when anyone else was.
I would have given him his goddamn shit.
To any housemate who reads this: I need the landlord's number STAT! Must get locks changed, otherwise I won't be able to sleep in my own house. Please call.

Oh yeah. Merry XMas.

oh i am so terribly pleased

venem — Tue, 18 Jan 2005 00:30:35 GMT

i found an artist! i'm so happy
someone to draw for my comic novel project.
mmm fantasy. so escapist. so deliciously escapist.
anyway i am taking a break from writing the novel itself, up in waukegan for the evening.
good god i can't fucking stand that house. they won't even leave me alone to write...

i haven't spontaneously combusted yet

venem — Sun, 09 Jan 2005 08:57:23 GMT

even though i might soon.

damn what an ugly few months. oh yes mom, i know you hate everything about me. oh sure dad, i know you just love my hair and now that we're on the subject you're a twat!

thank god, had to get that off the ol' chest

on the bright side i saw the headbangers' ball tour this year: Cradle of Filth (better live than on cd), Arch Enemy (badass all around), Bleeding Through (ok), and Himsa (which i missed because i was late). another silver lining: i finally cut loose from that awful calvinist hellhole of a church so here i am, heathen.

sex drugs and rock n roll, everybody

Another month...

venem — Fri, 01 Oct 2004 19:17:03 GMT

Happy October everybody. I know it's been a long time since I posted so here goes. Just started classes again. I am finally a senior which means I will graduate in May (what a long strange trip it's been)! I'm taking Hum 3, Biology and Confucius (all of which are awesome).
I want to go see Ministry in November, who knows if I will get tickets, but if I do I will love every second...
Yes, I am still with Chris...my friends should stop asking me this question.
Anyway, not much is really going on. I got fired from my job for no good reason. But I think that'll be okay.
Planning on going to culinary school after I get out of this fuckin dump. Or maybe not. I've got about two years on my contemporaries (I am graduating college at 20) so I have so time to decide. All I know is that I really want to go to London, to see the Tower. Especially at night. Will I see Anne Boleyn's ghost?

Look!

venem — Sat, 12 Jun 2004 10:56:10 GMT

This is free.

http://movies.channel.aol.com/franchise/theaterb.adp
You can watch B movies.
I love you, internet.

They like to push the weak around

venem — Mon, 29 Mar 2004 08:36:57 GMT

Cops. Why can they suck so much? I mean, I am not speaking for individuals here, because some cops are great cops. Then, there are the rotten jerks who give all the good cops a bad name.
How can a person enforce the law when he or she is not FOLLOWING it in the FIRST PLACE?!?! Cops should be able to give an example to others. They shouldn't be allowed to flash the cherries just to get through a damn light. They should obey traffic laws, not pass you when you're speeding. These assholes don't have the first clue about how to be an effective protective force. All they're concerned about is their own way and their own friends and their cushy jobs hiding along the interstate.

End rant.

I'm gonna eat your soul...!

venem — Fri, 19 Mar 2004 09:28:39 GMT

I really, really am...! Ha ha ha ha ha.
So, listen, I have a problem.
This is sort of icky, so, uh, sorry.
I've been puking so much that I have acid burns all inside my mouth. How can I make this better? It really, really hurts...

you know...

venem — Tue, 16 Mar 2004 12:44:47 GMT

Have you ever been in a room where nobody could see you, and you heard somebody talking about you because they didn't know you were there? Needless to say, I am fuckin' pissed. My money, my life, and how I choose to live it is my business and my responsibility.
Plus, he didn't know shit. My circumstances are not like that; I am not lazy or selfish. In fact, he happened to foget the nice things I had done for him just recently, which were related to what he was complaining about, and complete invalidate his point. Also: I would have done something about his complaint, but he never told me about this. I know if I say something about this, they will all just think that he is right. I always try to make love, not war, so I don't understand why I am being implicated in this bullshit.
I'm sick, too.

Hello all

venem — Mon, 06 Oct 2003 21:45:02 GMT

Guess what? This is M, coming to you from her dorm room, happily connected to a DSL line in the privacy of her own home. She can eat, do homework, smoke cigarettes, listen to music -- all while she is on the computer! Yay! You can't do that in the computer lab!
*ahem*
Anyway. I have stuff to do -- write Aristotle paper, read many pages of Thucydides, read Aristotle. Four chapters Latin. Sleep. Eat. Work. Class. Lunch. Class. Work. Class. Eat. Sleep.
Repeat. >.

I am alive

venem — Fri, 26 Sep 2003 15:20:50 GMT

I am not dead. I'm here. :)
A very busy, very stressful couple of months had followed my last journal entry. With my attendance at Shimer in jeopardy, I have had very little time to update. Hopefully I'll be able to update more often.
I'm killing time now between work and my 5:30 class -- Aristotle/Hegel. Right now, we're reading Aristotle's "On The Soul." Confusing, but interesting, and at times flagrantly wrong, Aristotle forms the base on which most philosophy and science since his time has been built. Most philosophical works are, at heart, a response to Aristotle's massive body of work.
Later we'll be reading Hegel, "Phenomenology of Spirit." Chris (who is still my love-muffin) says that Hegel is an incomprehensible asshole, and I agree now, but maybe later this semester my opinion will change. I hope so, I hate hating things. ;)
I just ran through the cold rain to get here. It's only September and already it feels like the end of October, ugh.
I'm pleased by the way this semester has been turning out academically. I'm doing pretty well so far, at least in my opinion, although I'm not really ecstatic about reading Aeschylus again. It's different now, since I read him first when I was 13 and now I'm 19, but he's still a pain in the ass. Clytaemestra will forever remain a bitch, no matter how many times I read about her. I have more sympathy for her actions now, but it was still dumb for her to kill Agamemnon. She should have known that Orestes would kill her.
Tonight I'm going out for dinner with Chris, Kat, John, and Nate. I think Hayden is coming too. We're going to get pizza or whatnot after I get out of class at 7:30, and then go to see Underworld. Kat, Nate, and John saw it already but they said it was good so they're going again with us. Then we're going to Wisconsin to Superb Video, a disturbing little pipe/porn store. They even have peepshow booths in the back, ew...
I will update more later. Love you all.

I love this song.

venem — Thu, 24 Jul 2003 12:10:13 GMT

"People killin', people dyin'
Children hurt and you hear them cryin'
Can you practice what you preach
And would you turn the other cheek

"Father, Father, Father help us
Send us some guidance from above
'Cause people got me, got me questionin'
Where is the love (Love)

Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love
The love, the love"

I like the lyrics and I like the music. So, I like the song.
I also like Dove shampoo and conditioner, my hair looks great and it feels all soft and it's bouncy and shiny and smells good.
They killed Saddam Hussein's sons. They were evil men but I don't know whether or not it was right. Maybe I just need more information about how it happened.
I am pondering international law. Belgium wants to bring Bush to trial for war crimes. I am a peacenik and all, and I'm glad they're not blamibng America in general, but aren't they really? The president works for us, but in a certain way he is us. Even if you didn't vote, the office of the President is still part of you, because your negligence/unwillingness to decide between two evils is a decision. So anyway, isn't Belgium putting us on trial? Bush may be an individual, but he has responsibility to represent a collective. Is it ok for him to do whatever he wants?
Things are confusing. I will read more Foucault now.

Finally internet

venem — Wed, 23 Jul 2003 23:59:49 GMT

I haven't been able to get on the internet for weeks. My sister is a computer hog.
I am excited about getting married. It will not be for another year, but I can't wait. I can't imagine my life without Chris. He gives me happiness every day.
I know people think it is silly, but I am smart and I know what I'm doing. My parents have been married for 31 years; I know what I'm looking at, and while I can't say it's not scary, I am sure in my heart we will make it.

I like things and food and toys and Spider-Man.

I am bored.

venem — Thu, 12 Jun 2003 10:32:35 GMT

I have to fill out 40+ job apps today. Wish me luck!

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

venem — Thu, 12 Jun 2003 00:06:58 GMT

My reflections are thus:
1) Don't forget to share yourself.
Loving somebody is not about what you get. It is, but it isn't. You can't really get anything without giving everything you have. It's like investing. If you don't put anything in, you can't have any profit. If you can't do anybody good, if you can't bring them happiness, you can't have any reward either.
It is sometimes better to be selfless, self-sacrificing, self-mortifying. If you don't empty yourself, how can you expect to be filled?
If you are filled with someone, you know them. You know and you understand. If you can know and forgive, that is love. You can't love someone and resent them at the same time; it's completely impossible. If you harbor bad feelings after the sun has set on what happened, you have to stop, because it's not fair to the person you say that you love.
Love bears all things, if it's real.

2) The Roots are good.
I need one of their albums. Or more.

3) Little kid, big mess.
The people who make the most mess in a food place are babies, because they throw stuff on the floor. You can't control this, it's just what happens. You can put food in a baby's hand, but you can't make the food go into their mouths 100%, or even 50% of the time. Usually it ends up under the table.

4) You can try to make it happen, but sometimes people don't care.
You definitely can't make anybody care. Maybe they should, but that doesn't mean that they ever will. I think you have to know when to let go, even though that's the hardest damn thing in the world sometimes.

People I wouldn't be the same without

venem — Tue, 03 Jun 2003 11:05:09 GMT

This'll be long. I don't know how to cut text anyhow. First initial used for non-LJ people. Everybody who has changed my life is smart beyond smart, and very respectable. ^-^

First: dinguschris. My knight in shiny armor. :) Thankyouthankyouthankyou.

Great women: the_leewit -- one of the most fun people EVER, funny, wicked, with an awe-inspiring talent, sense of style, and the patience of a saint, no fooling.
indigoskynet -- strong, beautiful, kind, supportive, also talented, also fun
B. -- open, caring, wicked and crazy. considerate and brash in equal measure, without contradiction
K. -- gentle and patient, but angry if needed
KL -- One of the best friends I've ever had : a baking knitting Manson-listening kid-watching charity-giving honest good roommate
MS -- I miss you, smart nice funny Pueblo woman
MR -- Congrats!
Mom -- puts up with my dad for 30+ years!

Great men: blacknickel -- Uncle Crow!!!!!! ^-^ Wheeeeee! has faith in me
crantz -- one of the most interesting wickedest funniest terrifyingest COOLEST people I've known.
KP -- Generosity personified. Shares what little he has with everyone he can.
Pat -- you bastard. gonna kick your hippypunk ass :P
Dad -- hardworking Calvinist
RH -- another hardworking Calvinist; hasn't lost hope for my soul

And let's not forget sweet invisible_isis, for being so gothly cute and evil.

burned at the stake

venem — Tue, 03 Jun 2003 08:55:11 GMT

I think we all belong to the divine, to God. To belong to it is to partake in it, to be inside it, to have it inside of us. To carry the divine, the image of the divine, is the responsibility of man. And man, as carrying the divine and its image, is free.
With privelege, with freedom, comes the responsibility of being human -- the responsibility for all our brothers and sisters. Do what you want -- but remember that you carry all responsibility for your actions, and for all people in you.

As we have the divine, so we have beauty. All beauty is the manifestation of this. All love is the manifestation of this. Everything that is must contain beauty and love. Only then may we prosper.

If you have only hate in your heart, you cannot live like you should. Someone with hate in his heart has nothing. One with love in his heart has everything.

The reality of love is forgiveness. The reality of love is knowing a person to the depths of his soul -- and extending acceptance.
There is only one thing we cannot accept in this world. That is meanness, hate, unkindness, stinginess, injustice. They are all really the same thing, and they come from the same place. Injury to others comes from inside us as surely as kindness to them, but we have to recognize and enact our goodness above all.

Turn your face to the light. Whatever you ascribe to as the holy, whatever name you give it, that doesn't matter. Turn your face to the light, and it will illuminate your soul. You can discover the bad. Through the help of God, you can fight your demons.

Do good always -- and if you do evil, forgive yourself. If you have a pure and open heart, you can conquer everything.

Argh

venem — Wed, 28 May 2003 07:29:59 GMT

I do not want to work at a can factory.
I do not want to work at the post office.
I do not want to be an administrative assistant.
I do not want to be a temp.

JUST BECAUSE my dad worked at a steel mill when HE was in college, does that mean *I* have to work at a CAN FACTORY?!?!

Why can't I just work at Baskin-Robbins, or the mall, like a normal person?
Never mind that I can't even GET to the mall to work there, because I CRASHED THE CAR!!

Grr.
You have one little fender-bender and your whole summer is screwed over. Is that a normal occurence, or is my father just completely unhinged?

Hello Shinies

venem — Wed, 16 Apr 2003 21:23:04 GMT

I'm tired. It's Spring Break now.
Have things to do. Will post again later, sometime after I finish talking about beta-galactosidase.
No, no, it's not dirty, I swear...

Shameless Plug

venem — Sun, 02 Feb 2003 21:54:19 GMT

www.mallmonkeys.com
Tasteless web comic. :)
"HAIKU, MOFO!"
"I sold him a box of nerds and told him it was ecstasy..."
"This rock candy is glass flavored!"
"That was great! But where did you get the landmines?"
"WHO ARE YOU?!"

Some of the comics are in truly terrible taste, but most of them are funny. :)

Money.

venem — Sat, 25 Jan 2003 23:08:58 GMT

Which Is Described Herein As The Most Evil Thing Ever Devised By The Wicked Heart Of Man.

I. Hate. Money.

I hate that nobody seems to know exactly how I'm supposed to get more than I've ever made in my entire LIFE by 10:30 Tuesday.

I just want to register for school. I just want to GO to school. I want to finish college, and I'm stuck between several so-called "adults," one of whom happens to be my father, who have no idea what they're doing. And it's me that's really going to pay the price of peoples' ignorance. I tried to be involved in the loan process; nobody told me anything, or answered my questions. Nobody helped me when I didn't know what questions to ask.

And yet, it's still a GOOD thing that my future is in these peoples' hands.

Goodie. Look look. See Em go. Oh no! Em is turning into a Commie! Shoot, Feds, shoot. Shoot Em the Commie...

venem — Fri, 24 Jan 2003 13:17:04 GMT

Grr.
There's no goddamn work. We did it all and now I'm out of luck.

How am I gonna get $200 to pay for staying in my place this winter? How am I gonna get $3000 by 10:30 a.m. Tuesday?

I hope the loan goes through. If it doesn't, I don't get to come back to school.

Stupid Family Video. You give me all kinds of trouble and shit, and then don't hire me. The prospect of being hired is such a tease; I think the people who work at a given place are born there and indoctrinated to work or something, 'cause I'm sure not getting any jobs.

I will have to swallow what's left of my pride and go be Fry Technician at Wendy's. >.<
What's left of my pride? Not a whole lot, I guess. My dignity went ages ago. I feel like nothing, but a very very bitter nothing.

I wish I could hit myself on the head and forget everything that has happened to me. I wish I could just sit down, fall asleep, and regain what I have lost.
Especially the big thing. The little big thing, you know.

The thing that wasn't a thing, that lasted for a week and ended up in the Waukegan sewer system.

Why did I do that? The least I could have done was bury him.

venem — Wed, 25 Dec 2002 14:57:44 GMT

Merry Christmas. I finally get to get out of here... >.<
At seven I leave to go get my sweetie. God I hope his train comes in. Maybe I will go at 6:30 'cause I have to get gas and I want a pack of cigarettes.

But I get to take presents to my Mr. Shiny.
Happy Christmas to all. My mother did a good job this year. I received from the family:
$100
"First King of Shannara" by Terry Brooks
a chess set
Spider-Man DVD
"The Blue Day Book" with pictures of silly animals ^-^ hee hee hee!
"The Tao of Pooh" and "The Te of Piglet"

From my Mom's sister, a Tommy Hilfiger handbag (shemeantwellshemeantwellshemeantwell -- it's a nice bag if I didn't have the name on it, so maybe I'll take off the stitching). From her other sister, way too much candy. From my dad's sister-in-law, also way too much candy and hair stuff I won't use 'cause I'm going to cut my hair I think.

Oh well. It was a nice Christmas.

Had it out with my parents. Now I'll go watch Simpsons until it's time to go get Mr. Shiny. :)