change is good

Life: Then and Now
Okay, so I am a little...erm...confused.  I went to Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince and while in line to get into the theater, someone got in the same line as me - someone I knew from high school and had a rollercoaster friendship with...and it ended by plummeting into the ground...a concrete death to a friendship.  Her name is Julia.  She just commented on a VegExp post from a little over a month ago.  I've been contacted by her quite a few times since high school, but I always just turned her down. 

I have basically left most of that high school behind save for Aja and Rachel - but my friendship with Aja is more as if we didn't meet till high school.  We started a new friendship.  Rachel and I have been very rocky especially in the past 6 months or so.  We had a big fight over something stupid that I had held in and let eat at me.  So now we're gonna try to hang out again.

My main worry about having Julia read this - no offense - is that I've heard from people I barely met at college that they met Julia and she told them bad things about me.  I feel like if you haven't even seen me since december 2004...you can't talk about who I was.  And it was who I was...it has nothing to do with who I am now.  I know I made bad choices then.  I don't regret the past though because everything happens for a reason and I was a stupid child.  At the same time that I've been told these things, though, I remember how much rumours spread about me hurt.  So I just continued to stay away.  I just hope, Julia, that you reading this blog won't come back to bite me.

In High School, I was really messed up - I won't lie.  I was manipulative and selfish and hurt people though I didn't mean to.  I tried to stay happy and I tried to be good...but it didn't work out that way.  I wanted what I wanted.  I was a bit spoiled.  I didn't want to grow up.  I was emotionally messed up.

Now, I am not the same girl.  I am a woman, even if it sounds odd to say it or hear it.  I still have emotional issues, but now I know it has to do with either Generalizzed Anxiety Disorder...or something similar.  If only I could get the courage to go to a counselor to find out for sure.  But at least - with my emotional issues - I don't take them out on myself or others.  My boyfriend Chris helps me to release them in a healthy way.  My focus is on my career, my family, and my relationship.  If I have friends along the way - that makes it even better.  But my mom is my best friend now and I love my sister and father.  Experiencing the death of a sibling makes your grow up and re-prioritize. 

Even as I'm still in school, I'm working toward reaching full adulthood.  I am more than likely getting engaged this summer (though I don't know when exactly) to Chris, whom I love dearly, live with, and have been with for over two and a half years.  (It'll be 3 years this October).

I am proud of how I've changed. 

Vegetarianism
I've also changed in my ability to be vegetarian.  I could never stick with it in high school.  I was probably too selfish - too interested in eating what I wanted - didn't want to be different from my friends.  Now, I am able to do it for the animals' sake.  I understand the cause is much bigger than me.  And I'm still doing well!

I'm going to Maine until July 26th, but after that I'll be buying a lunch box to bring to work.  I can't put it in the cooler, and I can't use our microwave.  So I have to only bring cold stuff and get an icepack for the lunchbox.  If anyone has suggestions for different sammiches I can make or any other cold stuff besides salad - please comment!  ^.^

I'd write more but I am too tired.  I have a lot to do tomorrow, and I need rest to have the energy.  Hope my entry made sense cause I'm kinda out of it lol.