Valentine Varner

Happy Valentine's Day!

2012-02-15T02:03:36Z

Five things you'd rather never discuss again

2012-01-13T19:17:01Z

1. The ~~kidnapping~~ incident with Michel.
2. Ellis's ex...friend Richard.
3. My mother's death.
4. Greg's ~~death~~ disappearance.
5. The ~~species/~~age difference between me and Ellis.

Winter Bingo card

2011-12-29T03:02:13Z


false beard	young	seasoning	hearts	Christmas carol
naked	blustery	letter	bells	need
popcorn	chestnuts		forever	airing of grievances
bite	candles	Christmas cake	nativity	heartbreaker
resolutions	ham	old year	champagne	ribbon

Get your own CharLoft Winter Bingo Card at http://www.labarc.com/Bingo/

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-25T23:29:48Z

I pulled a Christmas Cracker from Char Loft, and I got:

A free hat: A green paper hat in the shape of a Robin Hood hat, complete with red feather.

A free prize: A clear plastic flask shaped like a bathtub, filled with gin.

A free joke: Why did the one handed man cross the road? ANSWER: cause the second hand store was across the street.

Mister Ellis and I spent our anniversary and much of the holiday season down in Rio. Fun times! We're back home in New Orleans though, and having a great Christmas day. Hope everyone else is enjoying theirs. Merry Christmas to all my friends.

Better and Worse

2011-11-25T19:31:08Z

Five ways I'm better at something than someone else:

1. I'm better at some video games than mister Ellis. When we play together, sometimes he gets a little over enthusiastic with the killing of things and forgets to watch his avatar's health bar which leads to losing a life, or having to replay a level.

2. I'm a better student than most of my college friends. Sometimes Jay, Cam, and Paul slack a bit. I mean they still pull decent grades and all, but I don't think they put their full effort in when they've got other things on their minds. And sometimes things like parties, concerts, and games can be on their mind way more than assignments.

3. I'm better at maintaining a stable relationship than most folks in my family. For all that we have an unconventional relationship in some ways, Ellis and I respect and love each other and have been together for almost three years now. I know a lot of folks who don't have that stability in their lives. Uncle Hans, my dad, my cousin Ambria... they all didn't do so well in the relationship department. My cousin Tula seems to have a boyfriend of the week. I say most, not all, because there are some that're doing alright - my Hanover grandparents, my cousin Sarah and her husband Bashir all have great relationships... but yeah. Others not so much.

4. I'm a better musician than a lot of folks in our school's jazz ensemble. Don't get me wrong, there's also a lot of musicians there that floor me. But I'm not the bottom of the barrel, either. Which makes me pretty proud, considering that I haven't been at it for very long chronologically - but I've been putting a lot of effort in. Especially this year, now that I'm no longer with the Not Your Daddies - jazz ensemble is my only focus for music performance, so I'm putting my top effort into it.

5. I'm a better archer than a lot of folks in our adventuring group. We all have our own strengths when it comes to our adventuring work, and mine seems to be archery. I used to feel like I wasn't doing as valuable a job as other folk because I couldn't go toe to toe with beasties in most fights we got into. But I can use a well-aimed shot to fell something from a distance before it becomes a toe-to-toe problem. I can provide suppressive fire, and contribute to the success of a battle. Adventuring is a team effort, and my archery is a valuable part of that.

Five ways I'm worse at something than someone else:

1. I'm worse at socializing than a lot of my friends. A lot of them make it seem so effortless. They always know the right things to say and do, to express that they genuinely care about their friends. I care about my friends a whole lot, but socializing is somewhat awkward and difficult for me. To be fair, I'm getting much better at it than I used to be. Still, I want to improve and be more like my social friends. This is especially important to me since I'll be done college soon and that's one of my main social outlets. I want to keep in touch with the friends I made there, even though we won't be in the same place geographically. I still want to be good friends with them. And I'd like to spend more time with my Loft friends too.

2. I'm worse at dealing with my emotional states than a lot of folks I know. To be entirely fair with myself, I am getting much better at this. But a lot of the progress I've made has been due to therapy and active efforts to work on it. It don't come natural the way it seems to with other folk I know. I am working toward being able to acknowledge my emotions without having them overwhelm me. I'm also learning to be more emotionally stable, and not have things going on affect me to such an overwhelming degree. There are folks in my family and friends who seem to have this down pretty well, and i hope to me more like them someday.

3. I'm worse at sports than my brother Theo. I can do simple things like throwing a football or baseball around with a moderate degree of success. But throw in a bunch of rules, and having to do multiple things at once in interpretation of those rules, and it gets a bit iffy. Theo loves soccer - he plays on a team and everything. Sometimes we mess around with the soccer ball in the park, and he shows me how to do this or that with it. I really admire his skill and coordination with it- I've been to some of his matches and watching him and his team play is amazing.

4. I'm worse than a lot of my friends at relaxing. A lot of my life runs on a schedule. There's my college schedule, my work schedule, my schedule for student teaching, my schedule for when the ensemble plays and practices. When I'm not doing a scheduled activity, I'm doing my schoolwork or practicing my music. Even when I'm out with friends a lot of times I'm thinking about what I need to do tomorrow or later as far as school or work goes. Sometimes I have a hard time just being in the moment, thinking on nothing else other than playing Rock Band with my college friends, or watching a movie with uncle Hans and Theo. I do better in summer when it's scheduled time for relaxing, heh. Even though most summers I also take some classes so it's not entirely just relaxing. I'm going to take some time off after I graduate this year before applying for grad school. Work on unwinding a bit.

5. I'm worse at music than the Dillon brothers. This is entirely expected as they have been playing and performing a whole lot longer than I have been, and in some cases like with Marlowe, music is their entire career. Still I would love to get as good as they are someday. I'm going to see if when I get settled down in New Orleans, I can get some lessons from them. I feel I would learn a lot from them. I mean you can study music theory and composition and jazz styling in college and that's one thing, but they can't teach you how to have the soul that comes through when you play the way that performing musicians who were born and raised in New Orleans can.

My Halloween costume

2011-10-28T19:59:57Z

I haven't shaved for a while so I'll have a good rugged stubble going on, and I've got my hair fairly short (though not shorn like I do in the summer- too chilly for that.) I'm going as Indiana Jones! Cam is throwing a Halloween party so I'll be going to that. My brother Theo's coming too - I tried to get him to dress as Sallah, but he wanted to be Batman. And I couldn't talk uncle Hans into getting into the Halloween spirit by dressing up at all, let alone as Dr. Jones (Indy's father). So much for family costume themes, but hey, still going to be fun. This is likely gonna be my last Halloween up in New York unless I fly back for it someday. It feels kind of like a milestone.

What we're fighting against...

2011-09-22T20:13:19Z

Currently, anyhow. It's a hell of a trip.

Influential people

2011-08-12T19:24:35Z

In more or less chronological order...

1. My momma-
She wasn't exactly a good influence, but she had a big impact on how I grew up. She's the one what put me into acting, and who kept me from a lot of the things I wanted to do as a child. It influenced my early life, and the person I became. So ... she makes the list. Her death was also an influence on me- it made me rethink my life, made me free of a lot of my past.

2. My dad -
When I was little he was some kind of mythical figure. They'd gotten divorced when I was small, and he lived with his new family in Seattle while we were still in LA. So... it was more that I saw him as some sort of ideal, and that was the influence on me- that ifI was good enough that someday I'd get to go live with him and be part of his new life. Now that I'm older and I have more of an actual relationship with him, we talk and all that -so I guess he's influencing me in a more direct, positive way now.

3. My grandparents -
My grandma and grandpa on the Varner side are dead now but when I was small they were a big influence on me. They showed me love and taught me all kinda things. It's from my grandpa that I got my love of jazz. They taught me values, and to try and be a good person even when the world around me was full of falsness and bad things. Even after I wasn't able to see them that much, and after they died, I thought about those things. So they were very influential.

4. Uncle Hans-
Uncle Hans took me in when I come to live with him, even though he didn't know anything about me. He pushed me to apply to colleges, and paid for my tuition so I could get the best education for my future. He taught me that no matter what your past, you have the ability to make good with your present and future. He taught me what it was to have a parental type figure who loves and cares about you, and wants what is best for you.

5. Mister Ellis-
Ellis has taught me how to be a man. How to stand on my own two feet, be responsible for my actions. He has taught me how to defend myself, he's made playing music possible for me, he's supported all my dreams. He's taught me what it's like to love someone unconditionally, and be loved the same way in return. He's taught me that I need to take care of my body and my mind, and not hide from / put off the problems I'm having out of fear. He's been the biggest influence on my life overall, and he continues to be.

6. Professor Chester -
One of my professors at Columbia, Professor Chester took an interest in me. He helped me get a special studies program to help me catch up my music learning to where it should be, and supported my entry into the jazz studies concentration. I've worked with his spring music program every year, helping intercity kids learn to play instruments and to be exposed to music history. He helped me solidify what I wanted to do with my life.

When you think about it really, almost everyone you know for any period of time has some influence over your life. Folks like my cousins , like Ambria, have had influence over me. Friends like Greg, Jay, all them. Friends I met through Ellis like Jones and the Dillons. Spike, Fritz, Katie, Dot, Al -- lots of friends have influenced me in some way. Even people I've had troubles with like my evil math professor and Daniel. Everyone you meet has some bit of influence just by their presence in your life, and you are an influence over other people in the same way. I guess that's part of why I try to be a good person, though I don't always succeed - and why I always try to help my friends where I can. I want to be a positive influence on their lives, to make them better by being in them. Never the opposite.

Goodbye band days...

2011-08-05T18:01:26Z

Well I guess I can let out the details now, now that it's official. You may remember a while back when Lucky Fedora and the Not Your Daddies were the local opener for Malone while they were in the area on a tour. It was a good experience, and I've kept in touch with Michael Malone since - just you know, exchanging emails and all that. The occasional talk. He lived out in Silverlake for a while, and I mean - you know, he's a pretty nice guy.

So when they were putting together a fall tour, they asked us if we wanted to be the first opener. And heh... well. If I went out on tour, I would have to get a leave of absence from college. And these are my last two semesters of college - the last year I've got to be up in New York instead of living with Ellis down in New Orleans full time. So if I put college off, I'd be putting my whole life off.

At the same time though, it's not fair to the band for me to hold them back. While I want to finish my college and teach, a lot of them want to be professional musicians. While I've had my shot at fame (and rejected it, and don't want it to come again) - some of them would really like that opportunity. So I left the band. Maria will take over as band leader / front person. I'm trying to negotiate with Malone to see if they'll accept the Not Your Daddies without Lucky Fedora.

Still it feels like the end of an era. I was really enjoying the band, and the whole stage persona. I guess Mister Lucky doesn't have to die entirely but it still feels like losing a part of myself. But what can you do? It's just not my path.

Cruel to be kind

2011-08-05T17:54:32Z

Five acts of kindness this month-ish
1. Bought a Vtech preschooler laptop for Ellis's godson.
2. Gave Mister Hairless the rest of my tuna sandwich.
3. Went on a trip to rescue a kidnapped friend.
4. Gave Theo permission to go into my room and borrow my nice shirt for his big date.
5. Left the band.

Five Acts of Cruelty
1. ~~Shot a man in the throat and killed him.~~ Made a very accurate bow shot.
2. Left the band
3. Told my fansite that my reasons for leaving the band were 'personal' and they couldn't have an interview.
4. Told my sister I didn't have time to come visit before the school year.
5. Kept Ellis waiting.

Prompts past

2011-08-04T01:46:39Z

Beat the heat:

I want to go to Blue Bayou, the water park over in Baton Rouge before the summer's out. They have discount rates after 6pm, ~~and for senior citizens even~~ - so maybe I can get mister Ellis to go with me.

Five things I forgot to do today ~~I'm not avoiding these, really.~~:
1. Check my email to see if Michael wrote back.
2. Call Maria to discuss the band's future.
3. Book ticket(s) to NYC.
4. Ask Ellis if he's coming to the city a while this time when I fly back for classes.
5. Give Hairless his bath.

Two things you live for:
Mister Ellis and music. I wouldn't want to live without my mister - he brings a lot of meaning to my life, and has helped me grow as a person. He's always there for me, and I want to be there for him as long as I can be. He makes me all kinda happy, and I want to make him happy in return. And music, well- music is my spirituality, I guess you'd say. I can't imagine life without music - where any of us would be, as sentient beings. Life is enriched by music, and hearing new music or old favorites thrills me - makes my whole existence a better, more positive place. Playing music is like being able to connect to God. Letting the universe move through you.

Creation Story
They say in the bible God created the heavens and the earth and the birds and the fish and the first man, and a woman out his rib and all that. They say there was a garden where everything was peaceful and they just lay about and named the animals and ate all the fruit except from one tree, which they weren't allowed. Then this snake come along and told them go eat that and they did. Well thank God for the snake, because otherwise how boring would life have been if we didn't have choice and free will and sin and the avoidance of sin? I wouldn't want to live in some garden where everything was beautiful and nothing ever hurt. That wouldn't be living. If you ask me, God put the tree there 'cause he knew the snake would come along and he knew they'd eat it. Else why would he do it? Besides, if God is omnipotent-- wouldn't he know anyhow, everything that was ever gonna happen? If he didn't want it to, he could've just smote down the snake before it got anywhere.

It's just a story anyhow. There's not really any seven days that lead to the whole universe or anything, and our first ancestor came out of Africa, not Eden. Our ancestors came down from the trees, not the heavens. It's a good enough story though, not a bad way for explaining the whole business. Myths are how people try to make sense of things anyhow. Better than the Egyptian myth - in that, Ptah jerked off all over the place and then he swallowed some of it and spat and sneezed out the children he didn't jerk out in the first place, and that's how they got Gods. There was also a God what got his dick cut off by his brother. So... yeah. Little more visceral than apples and gardens and snakes.

FIVE things you love
cush cush, playing music, dancing, dressing up fine, learning things

FOUR places you love
our house in New Orleans, the treehouse, my bedroom in NYC, the Columbia campus, Ambria's house

THREE people you love
Mister Ellis, Uncle Hans, Dad

TWO things you no longer love
cheeseburgers, LA

ONE thing you hate
acting. still

What's in a name?

2011-06-17T20:50:28Z

Valentine- my given name.
Varner - what I get called at work when someone's annoyed at me, my last name
Mr. Varner - what kids call me sometimes. It feels weird , 'cause Mr.Varner is my dad or uncle Hans.
Val - my nickname - most folks call me this
Vally - nickname my cousins use sometimes
Lucky Fedora - my stage name with this music business
Louis - my self-given middle name, it comes up sometimes
Mister Valentine - what Ellis calls me sometimes

And there's all kinda other sweet-names Ellis calls me - like sugar, sug, darlin, buttercup, pumpkin and all of that, but that's a long list and it'd get pretty mushy pretty fast.

Wednesday Graphics Challenge

2011-06-15T17:39:38Z

Four under the cut...

Found Treasures

2011-06-12T22:04:25Z

In the murky river water, Val can't see his hand in front of his face. He doesn't dare open his eyes underwater anyhow - there's too much muck and debris, he's likely to get an eye full of something. So he swims blind, toward the muted sound of Ellis moving, trying to surprise him by coming up behind him and splashing.

The plan backfires, of course. Ellis's hearing is way sharper, and Val's not the most stealthy of swimmers. Not only is Ellis waiting for him, but he gets a good splashing in the process. He dives back under to avoid the barrage, swims down close to the bottom. His hands brush over something that feels strange and wooden, so he stops there. Pulls it up with him. It's a piece of wood, all gnarled and pitted, half rotten in places. But it looks like it had been smooth cut at one point, and it fascinates him.

It could've been a piece from a pirate ship, or a steamboat. Or maybe someone had a house by the river, and a flood came and took it away - washed this piece over and over till it came to rest on the river bottom. Maybe fishes nibbled on it, maybe a crawfish made its home underneath. He wants to take it home, to ponder over it some more, to wonder over the possible pasts. He's starting to understand why it is Ellis holds on to objects, no matter how inconsequential or strange they may seem.

Each one of them holds a hundred possible pasts, a mystery that may never be unlocked.

Though with Ellis, Val muses, it's possible that he knows just what they are and where they come from. He does seem to sometimes. Val holds up the piece of wood to show him, runs his fingers over the carved surface. "Where do you think this came from?" he asks, inviting Ellis to either play along in his guessing game, or perhaps tell him some fascinating story to go with his found treasure.

Hang in there...

2011-06-09T20:00:16Z

From the moment he first hears one played, Val wants a Hang. But it's not as simple as just going to a store and buying it, like one might other drums. Hanghang are hand crafted in Switzerland, and there's only two folk what make them together. There's a long waiting list - and writing a letter to request one doesn't even guarantee you a spot on the list for sure. He considers first asking Ellis or Uncle Hans for one - those are the easy ways. He knows Uncle Hans could use his considerable resources to purchase an existing one. And Ellis, well. He could hunt down a Hang player and see them meet with an unfortunate end, and then Val would have an instrument at an awful steep price.

Ellis helps him see things straight, though. That good things are worth waiting for, that he should go about it the right way. Instead of financial backing, Val asks Uncle Hans to correct his German as he writes a letter to the Hang makers in a language they speak. He pleads his case, and is overjoyed to receive a reply that he's on the list. Now all he has to do is wait. While he waits he picks himself up an imitation, so he can learn to at least master the movements required in playing. There's a Hang player in Brooklyn he goes to visit, and he talks to him after the show. Gets to touch the real thing, give it a try. He can't hardly wait for his- but he's gonna have to.

It's well over a year later that he receives a letter saying that his Hang will be in production this fall. It might be shipped to him in Winter or Spring of 2012. That's a long wait for a drum, but it's not just any drum. It's one that's been handcrafted for him. One that has taught him the value of patience, and doing things the right way. One drum with a pure sound that will be his alone.

Who wants to live forever?

2011-06-04T20:25:20Z

Do you really want to live forever?

(meta, because Val wouldn't talk about this openly)

No, I don't want to live forever.

When you're dating a vampire, a lot of folk might think it's a given. The vampire turns you, you spend eternal life together, isn't that romantic? But it isn't really like that. It isn't that simple. When mister Ellis became a vampire, a lot about him changed. And being a vampire, well. It's a whole set of circumstances you have to live with - there's the society for one, and then there's all that lust for blood and if you got yourself any humanity left - it's always precarious.

So Ellis doesn't want to make me like him, to have to live like that. He values me like I am, a living breathing human. And I agree. I don't want to live like that, either. I used to think maybe I could find some magical means to prolong my life, but even magic has its price. I'm gonna live my human lifespan and make the most of it. We have a limited time, but we're going to make the most of that time. Going to treasure all the moments we have together.

So I guess you can say that the real romance is in loving someone enough to let them go in the end.

Summer Classes

2011-06-03T19:23:28Z

Val's love of learning gives him an eagerness for classwork. He's sharpened all his pencils - he's got three, just in case one point breaks while he's taking notes. He prefers them to pens because they allow him to erase any mistakes he might make while note taking. He's got his five subject notebook, with each of the little tabs labeled with sub-divisions of the subject they're studying. He's got his laptop open, just in case he needs to look up any term or do an additional bit of research.

Only these lessons aren't taking place at college. He's forgone taking summer classes at Loyola this year in favor of a more practical sort of learning. Jones is coming over to the house to teach him and Ellis more about vampire society. As Ellis's proxy, this is an important part of Val's education - more valuable than his college education in a way. It could save his (or maybe even Ellis's) life someday. That makes him all the more eager to learn.

He's settled at the dining room table with all his school supplies neatly arranged in front of him, and a tall glass of iced water in case he gets thirsty while they're talking. He's set glasses of water down for Ellis and Jones too - it being the only thing they can drink that isn't of a more sanguine nature. He's pondering the water, hoping that it's not some sort of taboo to offer a vampire water in lieu of blood - well, he supposes he'll find out when Jones gets there.

"Are you ready for classes, sugar?" Val says, flashing Ellis a bright smile. "I can't wait!"

Writer's Block: Born this way

2011-06-02T23:18:00Z

A golden retriever and a hairless cat. 'Cause the dog part of me would the the part of me that likes to play and snuggle and run about and all that, and the cat part is the part that's more aloof and doesn't like to be touched or petted except for when they want to be.

Combination of both, depending on mood and circumstances.

100 Drabbles of Summer 2!

2011-06-02T08:14:18Z

Once again I'm going to be posting these as comments to this entry. Most of the drabbles will be written for Val here, but some of my other characters may feature.

1) dust	2) festival	3) driftwood	4) float	5) ice
6) part time job	7) sunburn	8) ocean	9) wander	10) rain
11) blue skies	12) lazy	13) independence	14) mow	15) wedding
16) umbrella	17) barefoot	18) summer love	19) itch	20) adventure
21) fan	22) neighbor	23) garden	24) nap	25) lotion
26) alcohol	27) party	28) pier	29) concert	30) drive
31) shade	32) watermelon	33) swim	34) war	35) sandals
36) boat	37) surf	38) mirage	39) hike	40) solstice
41) sunset	42) roughing it	43) drink	44) weed	45) sunrise
46) drown	47) mosquito	48) family	49) breeze	50) humid
51) hammock	52) sweat	53) pool	54) endless	55) daydream
56)	57)	58)	59)	60)
61)	62)	63)	64)	65)
66)	67)	68)	69)	70)
71)	72)	73)	74)	75)
76)	77)	78)	79)	80)
81) Author's Choice	82) Author's Choice	83) Author's Choice	84) Author's Choice	85) Author's Choice
86) Author's Choice	87) Author's Choice	88) Author's Choice	89) Author's Choice	90) Author's Choice
91) Author's Choice	92) Author's Choice	93) Author's Choice	94) Author's Choice	95) Author's Choice
96) Author's Choice	97) Author's Choice	98) Author's Choice	99) Author's Choice	100) Author's Choice