[et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.21.0″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.21.0″ _module_preset=”default” text_font=”Advent Pro||||||||” text_text_color=”#000000″ global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n
[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” custom_margin=”||-2px|||” custom_padding=”0px||0px|||” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.21.0″ _module_preset=”default” custom_margin=”-50px|auto||auto||” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.21.0″ _module_preset=”default” text_font=”Josefin Slab||||||||” text_text_color=”#000000″ text_font_size=”16px” text_line_height=”1.5em” custom_margin=”0px||30px||false|false” custom_padding=”0px||0px||false|false” global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n
You\u2019re drinking the wax he\u2019s seethed for you, frothing the stained-glass flute in which his grandmother hoarded lavender talcum. Do you feel guilty yet? The wax is filmy with salt; not his first Saturday frittered with waiting on you, tilted towards the street. Last week the flat was cold and you chipped candles with a blunt butter knife. The bathroom door was bolted and he was asleep in the tub fully clothed, clutching the duvet corner between his knees, fabric stroked all night from ivory to sepia, and in the stairwell you crosshatched honeycombs savagely wanting to leave your mark, knowing you\u2019d fail. In the morning, he boiled your tea in a saucepan sprinkled with cinnamon and chilies. You couldn\u2019t remember where he kept the toaster. You\u2019d stolen a sack of sugar he didn\u2019t touch, but halfway down the lane you turned to watch him coiling from the window, sugar sack snug against his chest, then bisected with the tallowed knife, then exploded on the cobblestones. He was swarmed in seconds. You climbed on your bike and rode to the station. Do you feel justified yet? This week your lips have marbled; your bite stains him saffron. The bathroom door yawns; the tub empties. He\u2019s awake in the bedroom soaked in his skin. He\u2019s holding the duvet over his mouth with both his hands. The saucepan is full between his feet. Do you feel anything yet?<\/span><\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.21.0″ _module_preset=”default” text_font=”Josefin Slab||||||||” text_text_color=”#000000″ text_font_size=”16px” custom_padding=”14px||0px|||” global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n Lalini Shanela Ranaraja<\/b> writes about imperfect lives, best beloveds, and luminous worlds. Their poetry and prose has appeared in Calyx<\/i>, Channel<\/i>, Foglifter<\/i>, Wildness<\/i>, and others. Discover more of their writing at https:\/\/www.shanelaranaraja.com\/<\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
![https:\/\/variantlit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/Color-Print-Logo-with-full-text-1.jpg”<\/a>; title_text=”Color-Print-Logo-with-full-text-1″ _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” positioning=”relative” vertical_offset=”50px” global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_image][\/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”1_3″ _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”1_3″ _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_signup provider=”mailpoet” mailpoet_list=”Variant Literature|3″ title=”Subscribe to our Newsletter” _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” form_field_background_color=”#000000″ form_field_text_color=”#FFFFFF” header_text_align=”center” header_text_color=”#000000″ background_color=”#FFFFFF” custom_button=”on” button_text_color=”#000000″ button_bg_color=”#FFFFFF” button_border_width=”6px” button_border_color=”#000000″ button_border_radius=”20px” global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_signup][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” custom_padding=”81px||4px|||” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n\u00a9 Variant Literature Inc 2023<\/em><\/p>\n[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Terracotta Lalini Shanela Ranaraja You\u2019re drinking the wax he\u2019s seethed for you, frothing the stained-glass flute in which his grandmother hoarded lavender talcum. Do you feel guilty yet? The wax is filmy with salt; not his first Saturday frittered with waiting on you, tilted towards the street. Last week the flat was cold and you […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":159853871,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":"[et_pb_section fb_built=\"1\" _builder_version=\"4.16\" _module_preset=\"default\" global_colors_info=\"{}\"][et_pb_row _builder_version=\"4.21.0\" _module_preset=\"default\" global_colors_info=\"{}\"][et_pb_column type=\"4_4\" _builder_version=\"4.16\" _module_preset=\"default\" global_colors_info=\"{}\"][et_pb_text _builder_version=\"4.21.0\" _module_preset=\"default\" text_font=\"Advent Pro||||||||\" text_text_color=\"#000000\" global_colors_info=\"{}\"]<\/p>Mirror Listing, No Refunds<\/b><\/span><\/h1>Stefanie Lee<\/span><\/h3>[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=\"1\" _builder_version=\"4.16\" _module_preset=\"default\" custom_margin=\"||-2px|||\" custom_padding=\"0px||0px|||\" global_colors_info=\"{}\"][et_pb_row _builder_version=\"4.21.0\" _module_preset=\"default\" custom_margin=\"-50px|auto||auto||\" global_colors_info=\"{}\"][et_pb_column type=\"4_4\" _builder_version=\"4.16\" _module_preset=\"default\" global_colors_info=\"{}\"][et_pb_text _builder_version=\"4.21.0\" _module_preset=\"default\" text_font=\"Josefin Slab||||||||\" text_text_color=\"#000000\" text_font_size=\"16px\" text_line_height=\"1.5em\" custom_margin=\"0px||30px||false|false\" custom_padding=\"0px||0px||false|false\" global_colors_info=\"{}\"]<\/p>I try not to explain. Like photographing<\/span><\/span>a mirror to sell online, I crop the fatigue out<\/span><\/span>with a surgeon\u2019s precision. Angle the frame<\/span><\/span>to hide the worst of it\u2014misfire in my muscles,<\/span><\/span>the way my spine leans as a question<\/span><\/span>no one dares to ask. Still, evidence leaks in:<\/span><\/span>a tremor in the breath, a sliver of shoulder<\/span><\/span>sagging under weather no one else can feel,<\/span><\/span>canceled plans. The paint peels in places<\/span><\/span>I pretend not to see. As if \u201cexcellent condition\u201d<\/span><\/span>could scrub out the fracture lines of guilt.<\/span><\/span>As if \u201clike new\u201d meant anything other than<\/span><\/span>\u201cdamaged, but still marketable.\u201d Some days,<\/span><\/span>I overlight the room to bleach the heaviness<\/span><\/span>from my limbs. Smile so wide it fissures<\/span><\/span>at the edges, then mourn the strength wasted on<\/span><\/span>this pretending. I stage the shot\u2014still, my body<\/span><\/span>tells on me. Tiredness hastens the dusk like<\/span><\/span>a slow eclipse, swallowing daylight too early.<\/span><\/span>Each morning, my reflection offers a bargain:<\/span><\/span>mask the brokenness, or meet the world as is.<\/span><\/span>Someone always catches the truth in this<\/span><\/span>mirror listing. Even so\u2014I live. I make toast.<\/span><\/span>Send emails. Wish for nothing but the gold of<\/span><\/span>a fresh dawn to crawl over the windowsill. Still,<\/span><\/span>I click upload. Let them ask if the frame can be<\/span><\/span>salvaged, if the shape warping in the periphery<\/span><\/span>is just a trick of the light. Let them insist that<\/span><\/span>they notice something moving beyond this<\/span><\/span>curated shot\u2014and wonder if it wants out, or in.<\/span><\/p>\u00a0<\/div><\/div><\/div>\u00a0<\/div>\u00a0<\/div><\/div>[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=\"4.21.0\" _module_preset=\"default\" text_font=\"Josefin Slab||||||||\" text_text_color=\"#000000\" text_font_size=\"16px\" custom_padding=\"14px||0px|||\" global_colors_info=\"{}\"]<\/p>Stefanie Lee<\/b> is an ambitious young writer from Montr\u00e9al, Canada. Living with a rare physical disability called nemaline myopathy, she is a motivated software engineering student. When she is not writing or studying, she can be found editing her photography or solving crossword puzzles.<\/span><\/p><\/div><\/div>\u00a0<\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div>[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][et_pb_row column_structure=\"1_3,1_3,1_3\" _builder_version=\"4.16\" _module_preset=\"default\" custom_margin=\"|auto|-100px|auto||\" custom_padding=\"0px||0px|||\" global_colors_info=\"{}\"][et_pb_column type=\"1_3\" _builder_version=\"4.16\" _module_preset=\"default\" global_colors_info=\"{}\"][et_pb_image src=\"https:\/\/variantlit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/Color-Print-Logo-with-full-text-1.jpg\" title_text=\"Color-Print-Logo-with-full-text-1\" _builder_version=\"4.16\" _module_preset=\"default\" positioning=\"relative\" vertical_offset=\"50px\" global_colors_info=\"{}\"][\/et_pb_image][\/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=\"1_3\" _builder_version=\"4.16\" _module_preset=\"default\" global_colors_info=\"{}\"][et_pb_image src=\"https:\/\/variantlit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/ncwn-logo.jpg\" title_text=\"ncwn-logo\" _builder_version=\"4.16\" _module_preset=\"default\" positioning=\"relative\" vertical_offset=\"50px\" global_colors_info=\"{}\"][\/et_pb_image][\/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=\"1_3\" _builder_version=\"4.16\" _module_preset=\"default\" global_colors_info=\"{}\"][et_pb_signup provider=\"mailpoet\" mailpoet_list=\"Variant Literature|3\" title=\"Subscribe to our Newsletter\" _builder_version=\"4.16\" _module_preset=\"default\" form_field_background_color=\"#000000\" form_field_text_color=\"#FFFFFF\" header_text_align=\"center\" header_text_color=\"#000000\" background_color=\"#FFFFFF\" custom_button=\"on\" button_text_color=\"#000000\" button_bg_color=\"#FFFFFF\" button_border_width=\"6px\" button_border_color=\"#000000\" button_border_radius=\"20px\" global_colors_info=\"{}\"][\/et_pb_signup][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][et_pb_row _builder_version=\"4.16\" _module_preset=\"default\" custom_padding=\"81px||4px|||\" global_colors_info=\"{}\"][et_pb_column type=\"4_4\" _builder_version=\"4.16\" _module_preset=\"default\" global_colors_info=\"{}\"][et_pb_text _builder_version=\"4.16\" _module_preset=\"default\" global_colors_info=\"{}\"]<\/p>\u00a9 Variant Literature Inc 2023<\/em><\/p>[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]<\/p>","_et_gb_content_width":"","_coblocks_attr":"","_coblocks_dimensions":"","_coblocks_responsive_height":"","_coblocks_accordion_ie_support":"","_crdt_document":"","advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-8698","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/PdfuLj-2gi","amp_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/variantlit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/8698","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/variantlit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/variantlit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/variantlit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/159853871"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/variantlit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8698"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/variantlit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/8698\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":8893,"href":"https:\/\/variantlit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/8698\/revisions\/8893"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/variantlit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8698"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}](\"https:\/\/variantlit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/Color-Print-Logo-with-full-text-1.jpg”\"){kind=link}