Yesterday, I sat down on my living room floor. A poetry book held open by my foot. A spiral bound notebook in my lap. Pencil in hand, I copied out the poem to save for later.

As I was meticulously writing out this poem, being careful to recognize every capital letter, every point of punctuation, every line break and space, I couldn’t help but think to myself: am I insane?

I could type out this poem much faster. I could copy and paste the repeated lines. I could ctrl z my mistakes away.

I could save it on my computer. I could take a photo of it and save it on my phone. I could make a folder, an album titled “favorite poems” that I could access from any device, anywhere.

But I didn’t do any of that. I wrote it with pencil and paper in a notebook I can only access when I’m at home and next to it. A notebook that a fire would gobble up in seconds. A notebook that can easily be misplaced and lost.

It’s clearly the most inefficient and least accessible way to save my favorite poems.

So why was I doing it?

I think back to when I was a kid. When my greatest desire was a lamp by my bed so I could write all my ideas down before going to sleep. I remember I had this Barbie toy, probably from a happy meal, that gave off a little bit of light. I’d hold that to illuminate my page so I could write.

Whenever I had an idea throughout the day, I’d run to my room, dig out my notebooks, flip to a fresh page, and write before the words disappeared.

Now I just leave a voice memo that I rarely get back to or pull up a notes app to write it out as fast as possible.

But those notes get lost in my memory. There’s so many ideas I’ve started that I never go back to. Something about digital leaves a void in my mind.

If I physically write it, I remember it better. I flip back to it. I stumble upon it again one day and remember it all.

Phones and laptops and other devices have made our lives easier and better in a lot of ways.

I love that no matter where I go, I have an easy-to-follow map in my pocket.

I love that I can get an e-book and start reading it immediately.

I love that I can change the text size of what I’m looking at and not be beholden to the designer’s or publisher’s choice.

But I don’t love that it’s stolen some process away from us. It’s made me feel like if I don’t do something in the most efficient way possible that I’m a failure, that I’m wrong, that I could be doing so much more with my life.

But that’s just the thing: what would I be doing with my time if I wasn’t scribing out a poem by hand? I’d probably be mindlessly scrolling on my phone.

And that’s the nightmare we live in. Our phones, our devices steal so much time away from us. We can’t cope with the modern world so we look for a distraction. And that distraction leads us to more despair about the modern world.

It’s a sick cycle. I’m trying to break free. I don’t want to be a caught on this merry go round any longer.

I want to use technology with intention and I want my life back.

Thank you so much for reading In the Clouds! This is a personal outlet I created to nurture my own creativity and to connect with other artsy people out in the world.

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