Ever since I started to move through life with a new rhythm, I have begun to sense the subtle transitions of energy in my body more clearly. I feel estrogen rising once menstruation ends, and I notice the inversion around ovulation, when progesterone takes the lead. No day holds the same texture as the one before. Alongside these physical shifts, emotions surface with greater intensity when life events pass through me. One feeling returns again and again. Grief.

It has a weight to it, a presence that stays. Only recently have I realised that grief has always been part of my life. For years, consumption and distraction softened its edges and kept its signals out of reach. My body was speaking, and I kept moving. The grief remained unprocessed, settling somewhere deep and waiting. This is grief born from loss, from the absence of what mattered.

The loss of friends through early moves between cities. The loss of trust in relationships formed with openness and youth. The loss of trust in my own capacity to build and sustain connection. The loss of newly formed bonds. The loss of the belief that life unfolds simply. The loss of the illusion of permanence. The loss of faith in systems I once relied on. The many roads left unexplored, even while knowing I walk the right one. The lives that could have been lived, even while feeling deeply rooted in this one.

There is fear in sensing that grief does not dissolve, that it grows richer and more layered over time. Reality holds tension and ambiguity, and I feel it most when I think of my parents and their fragility. But that fear also brings energy. It sharpens my presence. It draws me closer to the people I love. It pushes me to invest in relationships that matter. It forces me to take this life seriously.

This awareness turns moments into something tangible. Depth comes from holding what is difficult alongside what is meaningful.

I am allowing grief to move through me now and find its place in understanding. Having left it untouched for so long, it arrives with force. Each ending opens a chapter whose shape remains unknown. That uncertainty has weight and influence.

The key lies in staying rooted in the present moment, where grief exists alongside everything else, and realising that being here with it is already enough.

ADRIANA