Amanda's journal

Update on me

2021-11-13T05:11:43Z

I have had my Gender Confirmation Surgery.

And I have had my birth certificate corrected to show female.

🙂

At last it's over.

2021-01-22T01:27:01Z

Back on November 9th of 2016 I posted the below:

"A Trump presidency and a Republican controlled Congress. I wonder which country it would be best to immigrate to? Or indeed, if there is any place in the world that will be safe?"

I am so glad that the nightmare is at last over!

My GCS has been rescheduled

2020-02-21T03:48:41Z

The hospital that my GCS was supposed to be in called the doctor's office yesterday and said that they are no longer allowing that sort of operation to be done there. I was waiting on my appointment to see the doctor when they did so

The doctor's office has rescheduled me for April 10th at a different hospital.

So this trip to Houston that I just got back from was not necessary. I went ahead and had my appointment with the doctor while I was there, but that could have been done when I go back in April.

I have been on an emotional roller coaster from mad to sad and back to mad.

Time for changing some terms.

2019-12-07T04:45:49Z

I think that the use of the terms transmisia and transmisic are more correct than the use of the terms transphobia and transphobic.

It isn't a matter of fear, it's a matter of hate.

Happy Pride Day!

2019-06-28T20:05:17Z

Remember, Pride shouldn't be for just a day, a week, or even a month.

It should be all year, every year.

You should never feel ashamed for who you are.

*hugs to all*

Things that I wrote

2018-12-08T21:45:50Z

I just recently managed to find copies of two things that I wrote back in 2003. That year is significant because it was the first year of my transition. I am going to post them below behind a cut.

Healing Transformation

A piece of onion-skin paper, made into a male mask by a 5 year old girl using safety scissors and crayons about forty- four years ago. She didn't make it because she wanted to, but to please her Mommy and Daddy.

The mask is even thinner now than when it was new. There are rips around the mouth where the teeth behind it were clenched to keep from screaming. There are tear -tracks around the eyes from the despair of the one forced to wear it.

It has been taken off several times. Years ago, in private only, and for very short periods, because it was necessary to remove it in order to keep breathing. Recently, voluntarily, eagerly, it was removed for hours or most of a day. It is put back on with greatest reluctance.

The mask is turning brown and crisping at the edges from the force bottled up behind it. A light shines through the eye holes, as bright as the sun.

The mask will fail relatively soon, bursting into flame. The one behind it will then have been revealed to all. A glowing amethyst butterfly, spreading her wings. Some would try to harm her, for they don't like butterflies. Others will say it's only a caterpillar with wings. A few will appreciate her for what she is, and the difficulties she has gone through.

She doesn't care about the nay-sayers, as in her fully revealed freedom from the mask, she flies off to at last sample life's flowers. She will carry her joy with her and share it with those who will let her.

She is herself at last.

Written by
Amanda M. Penn
August 13, 2003

__________________________________________________________________________________

Family

Family. You think you know what the word means? Probably not to me. I have four sisters and only one of them is blood-kin to me. But she and the other three are all heart-kin to me.

Heart-kin? Oh, that means that I connect with them emotionally on a level that is very deep. What I feel for my heart-sisters can partially be described by a word, an old word, Agape. An unselfish platonic, giving love. But even that word doesn't go far enough.

I would put their welfare before my own. If I was sick at the same time as one of my heart sisters, I would get up out of my sick bed to tend to them. I would risk my life to save theirs. I would hunt down with a cold anger any who irreparably hurt them.

Not all people even connect emotionally with their biological immediate family. I have seen those whose blood-sisters were cold, whose mother only looks to see how she can manipulate her daughter, and those who treat the rest of their family a lot worse than they do strangers and pillage their father's money in his old age.

I care for people. I care for those I barely know, I care deeper for those I know. I love my heart-sisters. Their pain makes me hurt. Their happiness gives me joy.

Are there other members of my heart-family out there? I hope so, I really hope so. I like to make friends, and finding heart-kin is so much more than that, it can't really be compared. Are there heart-brothers to me out there? Maybe, but that will be harder to tell. It is hard for men and woman to only be friends, not impossible, but hard. I will have to look deep to see the family connection with any man, for I am very much a woman in my heart, where it counts.

Are you heart-kin to me? I don't know, but we can become friends and see. Some of my heart-sisters I knew immediately. With others, we grew into heart-kinship. It will be fun to try to find out, won't it?
Family, a lovely word, isn't it?

Amanda Michelle Penn
September 10, 2003

To parapharse Shakespeare

2018-03-19T19:47:27Z

Be not afraid of blondeness. Some are born blonde, some achieve blondeness, and others have blondeness thrust upon them.

Haiku!

2018-03-09T03:57:37Z

Some find haikus hard
All syllables you must count
The lines do not rhyme

Shades of The Twilight Zone!!

2017-07-01T02:49:39Z

I have an old TV set that I found at a flea market. The thing is older than me. It was made in the early 1940s. I had it fixed by a person that I knew at work that had fixing old electronics as his hobby. The first time I hooked up a rabbit ears to it (This was back before the digital switch over for TV broadcasts) and turned it on, a program that had first been broadcast when the TV was brand new was on.

Filk song "The Ship"

2017-06-07T03:57:27Z

Well, we've been out exploring space ten thousand years or more.
But we've forgotten just what we're looking for.
So our navigator has decided star mapping is really such a bore,
and is passed out quite drunk on the floor.

Our captain I think was born on a planet near Altair.
They are covered with long blue hair.
It's so thick I can't tell if they're clothed or bare,
as they sit sleeping in their chair.

Our science officer has no arms but a mind both strong and vast.
It can move things either slow or fast.
She can see things that happen in the future or the past.
And knows the roll before the die is cast.

Our weapons office hasn't found anything yet that he can shoot,
but doesn't really seem to give a hoot.
He's older than all the planets and their suns to boot,
yeah he's a really, really old coot.

Our doctor may just be the strangest one of the five,
their people normally live in a hive.
They hide in sick bay while with bodies they strive,
and suddenly shout "It's Alive!"

And finally our engineer can fix most anything that's broke.
I've never seen them hesitate or choke.
She also seems to always be ready with a joke,
and just may offer you a toke.

Warning! 'Unkempt Hiristute Canine Fiction' ahead

2017-06-01T04:42:52Z

A group of marine biologists decided to do an advanced study of the intelligence of one of the sea's creatures that has had its intelligence most often underestimated, the octopus.

To do so, they worked with computer programmers and specialist in underwater electronics to develop a computer keyboard and screen that would work underwater, and have keys that an octopus could work. The keys had symbols that were colored such that an octopus could see them. The symbols were also displayed on the screen in that color.

They then took said keyboard and went our to a coral reef where a fair number of the giant Pacific octopuses had been sighted. They observed the octopuses to see which one showed the most curiosity, which can be evidence of at least some intelligence.

Upon finding a suitable specimen, they anchored the keyboard in its usual foraging range. They 'demonstrated' the keyboard to the octopus by typing the names that they had worked up for various marine life and objects using the symbols on the keyboard.

After awhile the octopus started responding by typing using the keyboard itself. The keyboard sent a copy of the typing up to the observation boat where it was recorded. They left the octopus to its typing so as to not have any human influence on what it typed.

A few days later, they excitedly gathered around a large screen on the boat to see what inhuman bits of knowledge the octopus might have revealed. What they read translated into English as such phrases as " Sorry my child wasn't in school yesterday, but they had a bad Cod.", and "I tried to get my home repaired, but the guy didn't want to work for scale.".

Upon puzzling over these writings for awhile, once scientist exclaimed "Of course, it makes perfect sense! It's an invertebrate punster!"

======

As far as I know the above is an original creation by me (not that I think anybody else would want to claim it). It to be considered Copy-written and may not be included in any piece of work meant for publication (electronic or otherwise) for profit without my express written permission.

If you want to share it for free, go ahead, as long as you include this note and give me the blame ... err, credit.

Amanda Michelle Penn, June 1, 2017

I don't know what reminded me of this.

2017-04-28T21:19:08Z

I've have had some strange occurrences during my life, and for some reason I happened to think of one today. It happened back before 2002, but I'm not certain how much before.

I was in the room of one of the house-mates I had back then. She had used one of those real long matches usually used to lite fireplaces to lite a couple of candles . When she went to blow it out, on a whim I asked her to hand it to me while it was still burning instead.

I held the match where the burnt part was pointing up from my hand and I made a slow downward motion with my other hand, which was at least 6 inches from the match. The fire died down and the match went out completely.

She said that was a very good trick, but now let's see me relight it.

I impishly made a flourishing gesture up at the match, and it flared up in a blue flame that was taller than when the match had first been lit. And the match had at least an inch of burned out area at that point.

I was startled and blew it out, then I looked at her. She was staring at me with fear in her face.

Things like that only seem to happen when I am not consciously trying to actually do anything.

I now have a Dreamwidth account

2017-04-23T08:09:06Z

I made a Dreamwidth account, unicorn_kitty.

I had copied selected posts from my LJ to my pc before I did so. Now I've found out that Dreamwith will copy/import my LJ posts over to it! So I did so.

I'm not going to delete this journal, and in fact have set up my Dreamwidth one to cross post to it,

Ia! Cthulhu!

2017-04-05T03:11:28Z

I used http://www.pageplugins.com/generators/fordummies/ to make this.

A little writing

2017-01-31T05:03:02Z

The below was inspired by the Velveteen vs. writings of Seanan McGuire. They are worth reading, the link in the preceding sentence is to the first one.

Out of Season

There has long been discussions (to use a polite term) about the relation between the Seasonal Lands and the 'real world'. Some insist that the world would be better if the contact to the SLs was severed completely. As to that, consider a section of the Multiverse that is never visited (at least on purpose).

The reason this section isn't visited is that the worlds in it are ones where either there was never any connection (however tenuous) to the SLs, or said connection was completely severed. There are no superhumans on these worlds. In fact, there are no humans at all. Or, in fact, any sentient life at all no matter how primitive. Without any connection, there aren't any metaphors. No metaphors mean no drive. On the ones that started out without any connection, anything that reached the edge of being sentient would stop developing there. On the worlds that once had a connection to the SLs that was severed completely, every sentient life form just laid down and gave up, so to speak.

They are peaceful worlds, but boring. Any visitors from a different universe that stumble upon one, leave it as quick as they can. Because without metaphor, without imagination, these worlds feel unwelcoming to outside lifeforms. If any tried to stay, they might start finding themselves losing the will to live.

But they are so peaceful ...

We are now living in a nightmare.

2016-11-09T11:09:20Z

A Trump presidency and a Republican controlled Congress. I wonder which country it would be best to immigrate to? Or indeed, if there is any place in the world that will be safe?

I still mean it

2016-09-12T01:38:55Z

I said the following as part of a post back in 2006. I still mean it.

I will go against either "Good" or "Evil" if need be to serve Compassion and Love.

Being Witchy

2016-05-08T10:49:35Z

It was noon. Tiffany have invented the word noonlight, because she liked the sound of it. Anyone could be a witch at midnight, she’d thought, but you’d have to be really good to be a witch by noonlight.

-from Wintersmith by Terry Pratchett

Some good news

2015-06-24T15:36:52Z

Originally posted by unisagi at Some good news

From NCTE: "the U.S. Office of Personnel Management (the agency that administers health benefits for Federal employees and retirees) issued a carrier letter to their insurance plans instructing them that they can no longer maintain blanket exclusions of transition-related care.

http://transequality.org/sites/default/files/images/blog/FEHB%20CL%202015-12%20Covered%20Benefits%20for%20Gender%20Transition%20Services.pdf "

How many think this will be the first step toward forcing insurance plans to remove the blanket exclusion for everybody?

Unreality check ...

2012-07-27T18:15:53Z

I was driving home from work a different way than usual the other day, because I wanted to go to a store in a neighboring town. At one section the road I took had a longish straight section with a curve up ahead in the distance. The curve was sharp enough that all you see while on the straight part of the road is trees with sky over them.

While I was still far enough away from the curve that it was impossible to see any movement of the tree branches by wind, the entire distant vista, trees and sky both, seemed to ripple as if they were a picture on a piece of cloth that wind had gotten behind. This phenomenon didn't last long.

This isn't the first time that I have seen something that suggests that it is possible to see beyond the mundane reality of this world. I hope it isn't the last either.

Has anybody else experienced anything like this?

Hmmm.

2012-07-07T03:30:37Z

The storm system that came throught Virginia, Maryland, and DC last Friday (June 29) was termed a "Derecho". But the weather people on all the local channels are making a point of saying that that is just a term for the type of storm that it was.

They keep using the phrase "the storm that will not be named".

Sooo .... it was Voldermort that caused the storm?

Why does hot water freeze faster than cold water?

2012-06-28T12:45:03Z

The Hermes "competition"

My answer (I've already submitted it)

Let us look at the ways that heat is transferred out of a container of water set into a freezer.

Radiative cooling. Thus will start out higher with a greater temperature difference between the water and the environment it is in. But, as the difference drops, so does the rate of radiative cooling. So, when the hot water cools to the original temperature of the cold water, it will cool down at the same rate as the cold water from that point. So by itself, radiative cooling doesn’t explain it.

Conductive cooling. The same is true of conductive cooling. As the temperature difference drops, so does the rate of conductive cooling. Again, by itself, conductive cooling doesn’t explain it.

Evaporative cooling. One part of evaporative cooling is driven by the heat in the water. This part will decrease as the water’s temperature drops. If this was the only thing driving evaporative cooling, the rate of cooling of the hot water would decrease to that of the originally cold water when the hot water’s temperature reaches that point. By itself, this part of evaporative cooling doesn’t explain it.

Convective cooling combined with the other three. The temperature difference between the hot water and the air in the freezer would set up a convective air current. Even just considering temperature difference, the acceleration of the air current would be greater when the water was hot. Also, another part of evaporative cooling is driven by air flow across the surface of the water. This part of evaporative cooling would increase as the speed of the air current did. This would also set up a positive feedback, as the evaporation would also serve to accelerate the air current. So when the hot water cools to the original temperature of the cold water, the cooling doesn’t slow down to the rate at which the cold water cools due to the momentum of the established air current and the evaporative cooling. This would result in the hot water freezing faster than the cold water.

This could be supported by doing an experiment with two identical containers with air tight lids. Put hot water in one and an identical amount of cold water in another. Place each in identical freezers and monitor the rate at which each one freezes. Now do it again without the lids on the containers.

Happy Friday the 13th

2012-04-13T06:00:27Z

This is the second Friday the 13th this year ... and there is one more to go!

I think I rember reading this somewhere ...

2011-12-15T19:28:16Z

History doesn't repeat itself.

History Gibbs-slaps you and yells "Weren't you paying attention the first time?!"

hurricane Irene

2011-08-28T04:37:21Z

So, getting rain and wind from Irene here. The rain is coming down in quilts...

The people on TV say we could have severe weather for the next 4 to 5 hours at least.