Lynne's Ho Hum Life

U2 and Apple....

u2lynne — Tue, 12 Oct 2004 08:34:44 GMT

Two of my favorites team together. :)

Thanks for the link Tim!

U2 does the latest iTunes ad

Friends Only

u2lynne — Sun, 04 Jan 2004 10:33:22 GMT

This is just a short post to say that my journal is mostly Friends Only. Occasionally I share a joke I got from a friend and make it public, but not too often. So, if you want to be added to my Friends List, please post here. I take a look at your profile and a few public posts you have and probably add you.

British Internet Providers

u2lynne — Thu, 16 Oct 2003 10:14:35 GMT

The next time you have a problem with customer service or any other business and decide to voice your complaint in a written piece of correspondence, I submit this example of a "Flame letter" from a couple in the UK for your consideration...........

The British have computer problems, too ...

What follows is a superb example of British humor in a letter that was truly written and sent. The piece suggests two things:

1) Americans and Canadians are not the only ones who get poor service from their ISP, cable and/or alarm companies. (NTL is a cable operator in Britain.)

2) The Brits appear to get a better education than most, enabling them to write some fine letters of complaint.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Cretins...

I have been an NTL customer since 9th July 2001, when I signed up for your four-in-one deal for cable TV, cable modem, telephone, and alarm monitoring.

During this three-month period I have encountered inadequacy of service which I had not previously considered possible, as well as ignorance and stupidity of monolithic proportions. Please allow me to provide specific details, so that you can either pursue your professional prerogative, and seek to rectify these difficulties -- or more likely (I suspect) so that you can have some entertaining reading material as you while away the working day smoking B&H and drinking vendor-coffee on the bog in your office.

My initial installation was canceled without warning, resulting in my spending an entire Saturday sitting on my fat arse waiting for your technician to arrive. When he did not arrive, I spent a further 57 minutes listening to your infuriating hold music, and the even more annoying Scottish robot woman telling me to look at your helpful website. HOW? I alleviated the boredom by playing with my testicles for a few minutes -- an activity at which you are no-doubt both familiar and highly adept.

The rescheduled installation then took place some two weeks later, although the technician did forget to bring a number of vital tools-such as a drill-bit, and his cerebrum.

Two weeks later, my cable modem had still not arrived. After 15 telephone calls over four weeks my modem arrived, six weeks after I had requested it, and begun to pay for it.

I estimate your internet server's downtime is roughly 35% -- the hours between about 6 pm and midnight, Monday through Friday, and most of the weekend.

I am still waiting for my telephone connection.

I have made nine calls on my mobile to your no-help line, and have been unhelpfully transferred to a variety of disinterested individuals who are, it seems, also highly skilled bollock jugglers.

I have been informed that a telephone line is available (and someone will call me back); that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been cut off); that I will be transferred to someone (and then been redirected to an answering machine informing me that your office is closed); that I will be transferred to someone and then been redirected to the irritating Scottish robot woman. And several other variations on this theme.

Doubtless you are no longer reading this letter, as you have at least a thousand other dissatisfied customers to ignore, and also another one of those crucially important testicle moments to attend to.

Frankly I don't care. It's far more satisfying as a customer to voice my frustrations in print than to shout them at your unending hold music. Forgive me, therefore, if I continue.

I thought British Telecom was shit; that they had attained the holy piss-pot of god-awful customer relations; and that no one, anywhere, ever, could be more disinterested, less helpful or more obstructive to delivering service to their customers. That's why I chose NTL, and because, well, there isn't anyone else is there? How surprised I therefore was, when I discovered to my considerable dissatisfaction and disappointment what a useless shower of bastards you truly are. You are sputum-filled pieces of distended rectum incompetents of the highest order. BT -- wankers though they are -- shine like brilliant beacons of success in the filthy mire of your seemingly limitless inadequacy.

Suffice to say that I have now given up on my futile and foolhardy quest to receive any kind of service from you. I suggest that you cease any potential future attempts to extort payment from me for the services which you have so pointedly and catastrophically failed to deliver. Any such activity will be greeted initially with hilarity and disbelief and will quickly be replaced by derision, and even perhaps bemused rage.

I enclose two small deposits, selected with great care from my cat's litter tray, as an expression of my utter and complete contempt for both you and your pointless company. I sincerely hope that they have not become desiccated during transit -- they were satisfyingly moist at the time of posting, and I would feel considerable disappointment if you did not experience both their rich aroma and delicate texture. Consider them the very embodiment of my feelings towards NTL, and its worthless employees.

Have a nice day. May it be the last in your miserable short life, you irritatingly incompetent and infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of twits.

Ellen &Murray Savannah

New Virus

u2lynne — Wed, 08 Oct 2003 16:11:22 GMT

A man returns home from a trip to China and feels ill. The doctor rushes him to the hospital to run a series of tests.

After the tests, the man wakes up in a private room in the hospital. The phone next to his bed rings. The man answers and hears, "This is your doctor speaking. We‚ve received the results of your tests and I‚m sorry to inform you that you have SATH."

"What the hell is SATH?" asks the man.

"It‚s a combination of SARS, AIDS, Tuberculosis and Herpes," replies the doctor.

"Oh My God!" yells the man, "what are we going to do?!"

"We‚ll limit your diet to pizza and pancakes," replies the doctor.

"Will that cure me?" asks the man.

"Not really," replies the doctor, "but it‚s the only food we can slide under the door."

New liquid Viagra :)

u2lynne — Wed, 08 Oct 2003 16:09:50 GMT

Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer.

It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails," "highballs" and just a good old fashioned "stiff drink."

Pepsi will market the new concoction under the name of: "MOUNT & DO."

From Mom...

u2lynne — Wed, 08 Oct 2003 08:32:27 GMT

You will get a big smile from watching this :D

ha ha

u2lynne — Wed, 24 Sep 2003 20:00:01 GMT

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank. She has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.

The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi-millionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?" The blonde replies "Where else in New York City can'I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"

Finally, a smart blonde joke.

Yeah for Macs!

u2lynne — Fri, 22 Aug 2003 08:22:03 GMT

Some of you don't understand why some of us prefer Macs, so here's an article about the latest virus that is hitting you Windoze users. The important points are outlined here (and copy/pasted from my MacOSX community).

"As the latest Microsoft Windows infection spread across the Internet last week, knocking out thousands of PCs in homes and businesses, Macintosh users did what they usually do during a computer virus outbreak -- they continued working. That's because the "Blaster" worm, also known as LovSan and MSBlast, cannot harm a Mac. The worm exploits a vulnerability present only in certain versions of Windows.

According to Security Focus, a computer security information Web site owned by Symantec Corp., the Cupertino, Calif.-based maker of the Norton brand of anti-virus products, the number of viruses written for the classic Mac OS is about 50.

By comparison, security experts estimate the number of Windows-specific viruses at about 70,000.

But more than two years after its introduction, not a single Mac OS X-specific virus has yet appeared."

For all you piano players...

u2lynne — Fri, 08 Aug 2003 09:45:49 GMT

Dustin went looking one day to find some of his favorite songs to play on piano. I told him he couldn't find sheet music for free - ha ha! So, of course, he proved me wrong and found this site. It also has some links to other sites - like ones for REM, Radiohead, Tori Amos, and tons of others. So, have at it! I got October and really like it, but I haven't looked too hard for other U2 since U2 isn't really a piano band.

u2lynne — Sat, 21 Jun 2003 16:39:15 GMT

To get mp3s of U2 at the Special Olympics opening ceremony, go here.

(They sound great!)

U2 - Comic Relief

u2lynne — Tue, 20 May 2003 08:15:20 GMT

Have you guys seen this? Hee hee. You Larry lovers will be in heaven because Larry Actually Speaks!!!

Hee hee

u2lynne — Fri, 25 Apr 2003 08:49:57 GMT

If any of you U2 fans are on guessthatmug, you had better get today's correct!

From Dad....

u2lynne — Fri, 25 Apr 2003 08:21:02 GMT

Oogling survival tips.
------------------------------------------------
The following comebacks can be used when caught oggling other women.

* I can't believe that outfit she is wearing. (Said disdainfully)

* Look at that guy... over there... behind the woman.

* I think that's a man dressed as a woman. (Incredulous)

* Isn't that the actress from the movie Delicatessen? (Chances are she hasn't seen that movie- and neither have you, but you will get brownie points naming a foreign film, and it will be just obtuse enough to distract her.)

* I think that's the girl I knew from high school who eventually joined a convent (or was committed to an asylum) and turned out to be a real nut case.

* Help me, I got something in my eye... can't see a thing!

* I was staring off into space because I was about to have an epiphany about the direction of my life and the nature of my love for you, but its gone now, thank you very much!

* Hey that's the loser I dumped in order to go out with you. Boy am I glad I ever got away from her. What a moron.

* I was just thinking how I felt sorry for her - since she can never hold a candle to you (this one might only get you punched, but its worth a try).

* Do you think she's prettier than me? (Give her a taste of her own medicine)

------------------------------------------------
Lims
------------------------------------------------
Jack and Jill went up the hill
to smoke a little leaf
Jack got high
pulled down his fly
and Jill said "where's the beef?"

------------------------------------------------
Q and A
------------------------------------------------
Q. What is a diaphragm?
A. A trampoline for dickheads!

Q What do you call condoms in the nursing home?
A. Soft-wear

Q. Why did the gay man take two aspirin with his Viagra?
A. So sex wouldn't be such a pain in the ass.

------------------------------------------------
Penises come in five sizes:
------------------------------------------------
1. Small
2. Medium
3. Large
4. Oh My God!
5. Is that available in white?

u2lynne — Thu, 24 Apr 2003 19:45:18 GMT

You all know I just *love* kitties, but I just found this very funny. :)

The Sims

u2lynne — Wed, 23 Apr 2003 15:25:50 GMT

I downloaded some new stuff for my Sims so I played it a bit today. I got this cool ice skating rink, but it took me a bit to figure out what I was missing. The site was in German and it had two separate downloads. It took me a bit to figure out that even though I only wanted to use the Unleashed lot version, I needed some of the stuff from the Hot Date version as well. Oh well, they are now happily skating around.

I just created a family of woman and I'm going to kill them off so I have a graveyard on this one propery. Mwahahahahahahaha!

u2lynne — Mon, 21 Apr 2003 12:03:35 GMT

For you kitty lovers :)

Advice for females

u2lynne — Fri, 11 Apr 2003 10:06:28 GMT

(also from my Mom)

               If you want someone who
               will bring you the paper
               without first tearing it
               apart to remove the sports
               section, buy a dog.

               If you want someone
               willing to make a fool of
               himself simply over the
               joy of seeing you, buy a
               dog.

               If you want someone who
               will eat whatever you put
               in front of him and never
               says its not quite as good
               as his mother made it, buy
               a dog.

               If you want someone
               always willing to go out,
               at any hour, for as long
               and wherever you want,
               buy a dog.

               If you want someone to
               scare away burglars,
               without a lethal weapon
               which terrifies you and
               endangers the lives of
               your family and all the
               neighbors, buy a dog.

               If you want someone who
               will never touch the
               remote, doesn't give a
               darn about football, and
               can sit next to you and
               watch a romantic movie,
               buy a dog.

               If you want someone who
               is content to get up on
               your bed just to warm
               your feet and whom you
               can push off if he snores,
               buy a dog.

               If you want someone who
               never criticizes what you
               do, doesn't care if you are
               pretty or ugly, fat or thin,
               young or old, who acts as
               if every word you say is
               especially worthy of
               listening to, and loves you
               unconditionally,
               perpetually, buy a dog.

               But on the other hand, if
               you want someone who
               will never come when you
               call, ignores you totally
               when you come home,
               leaves hair all over the
               place, walks all over you,
               runs around all night, only
               comes home to eat and
               sleep, and acts as if your
               entire existence is solely
               to ensure his happiness ...

                Then, my friend, buy a cat.

(Any resemblance to a man is purely coincidental.)

My Mother Taught Me.....

u2lynne — Fri, 11 Apr 2003 09:17:20 GMT

(from my Mom :)

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE . "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL . "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
My mother taught me LOGIC. "Because I said so, that's why."
My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM . "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
My mother taught me about PATIENCE. "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION . "Stop acting like your father!"
My mother taught me about ENVY. "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. " Just wait until we get home."
My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when you get home!"
My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, They are going to freeze that way."
My mother taught me ESP . "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father."
My mother taught me about my ROOTS. " Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

Microsoft Update exe file

u2lynne — Wed, 09 Apr 2003 16:06:31 GMT

I just got one of those emails that says it's a Microsoft security update. I've heard bad things about this exe file. Don't run it! The reason I'm posting here is I noticed a couple of you were on the recipient list (it was a whole lot of u2ey people I know).

I hate comcast right now!

u2lynne — Tue, 08 Apr 2003 08:35:21 GMT

Comcast is our new cable provider and they are driving me up the wall. Up then down, then up, then down! It is so frustrating to be going through your mail when all of a sudden it decides to be down again! This has been going on since yesterday.

Boo to Comcast!!!!!

Bono just cracks me up!

u2lynne — Wed, 02 Apr 2003 19:31:12 GMT

One of the videos I got is called U2 Lanches ZOO TV in Lackland Florida and it shows the fans waiting in line and then talks to the band. It's an MTV thingie with that guy, um, Matt something-or-other and he asks Bono why they don't do anything from the first three albums and Bono just kinda goes 'Well, we didna want to'. HA! He's so frigging arrogant on this video. It's so funny! He sure was a lot more slender back then. I like him now, but back then he looked pretty skinny.

That was tiny!

u2lynne — Tue, 01 Apr 2003 16:52:58 GMT

I just readin the news that our earthquake was a 3.2. I knew it was small. It wasn't that far from us though (I think less than 20 miles).

Downloading, downloading, downloading....

u2lynne — Thu, 27 Mar 2003 10:34:14 GMT

The only bad thing about DC is that it sometimes takes forever to download a whole show! Sometimes the people logoff when you are in the middle of getting something and you are at their mercy as far as when you get to finish getting it!

so, I decided to dye my hair today. I mixed an auburn with a brown. We;ll see what I end up with. :)

u2lynne — Tue, 25 Mar 2003 17:27:39 GMT

You're "Beautiful Day." No matter what
happens to you, everything's pretty cool. You
don't let little things get you down; you're
too busy grooving to your own private beat. Yet
you can miss a lot that way, hon. Try to think
of the world around you every so often, okay?

Which U2 Song Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

The Final Straw

u2lynne — Tue, 25 Mar 2003 08:23:05 GMT

REMs latest, The Final Straw. It's a rough cut, but it's still nice.

This is the strongest voice I could think of to send out there.
We had to send something out there now.
We are praying and hoping for the lives of all people involved,
the troops, the Iraqi civilians, refugees, pow's, families of troops, the innocents--
that they are safe and okay. Safe home, all. --Michael Stipe