Fic (Free!) - XO
Title: XO
Rating: PG-13
Pairing(s): Rei/Nagisa
Word count: 5545
Warnings: This is seriously so saccharine y'all oh my god I'M SO SORRY
Summary: The one where both Rei and Nagisa are so completely dense that they continue to believe their mutual affection is unrequited even while literally sucking on each other's faces.
Notes: I was gonna sit on this a little while longer and maybe tweak a few things but then Season 2 got announced and I just got so excited!! Thanks to
reallycorking for looking it over for me ♥ Also, if you suspect this title might be sorta kinda partially inspired by a certain Beyoncé song, you aren't wrong.
"Rei-chan," comes Nagisa's voice from the floor where he's perched, pretending to do homework, back against Rei's bed.
Rei, on top of the bed with a textbook in his lap and a stack of pillows propping him up, says without taking eyes off the page, "Yes?"
Nagisa hesitates for a moment—which Rei will recognize, in the future, to be a warning that he is about to say something Earth-shattering—before asking, "Do you have somebody you like?"
The page Rei was about to turn tears in his fingers and he goes absolutely still, feeling the blood slowly drain from his face. Nagisa turns his head to blink up at him, and even though nothing in his expression indicates an ulterior motive, Rei feels faintly sick, the persistent mantra of He knows, he knows, he knows beating over and over in his head.
"I—" Rei says, meeting Nagisa's gaze and swallowing hard, wondering distantly if throwing up might actually get him out of answering this one. Knowing Nagisa's tenacity, it's doubtful.
Nagisa cocks his head in that endearing cockatiel way he has, which Rei blames for the momentary lapse of sanity when he answers, "I do."
Nagisa's eyes go wide and Rei's stomach plummets to somewhere in the vicinity of his ankles. "Really?" Nagisa scrambles up onto the bed and leans in toward Rei, far too close. "Who is it? Why didn't you tell me sooner?"
Rei recoils, shrinking back into his mountain of pillows, textbook sliding off his lap, and wishes he could cut out his own tongue. "I don't—" Rei stammers, feeling the blood rush back to his face with alarming speed, "—it isn't—I don't want to talk about it!"
The way Nagisa's face twists into a frown is almost enough to make Rei want to relent, but it's not as if telling the truth would actually make things better.
"No fair, Rei-chan," Nagisa whines. "I would tell you."
"I wouldn't want to know!" Rei snaps. Nagisa's frown gets even poutier.
"I think you should at least give me a little hint—" Nagisa says, but Rei actually can't endure anymore, so he interrupts.
"Homework, Nagisa. You came over because you're failing math, remember?"
"Fine," Nagisa says, sighing, but to Rei's dismay, he doesn't return to the floor. Instead, he scoops up his textbook and notes and tucks himself in neatly against the mountain of pillows, close to Rei's side. Rei would shift away so at least their shoulders aren't touching, but then he would fall off the bed. He considers it briefly anyway.
Nagisa actually seems to return his attention to his exercises, though, and it gives Rei a few minutes to calm himself, closing his eyes and breathing deep as his heart rate and body temperature slowly return to normal. There's nothing to worry about now. Nagisa dropped the subject and Rei won't ever be so stupid as to almost let it slip again. He might have actually successfully diverted Nagisa for the first time in memory.
"Hey," Nagisa says after no more than five minutes, dropping his pencil and snapping his book shut, "what about kissing?"
All Rei's relaxation techniques go out the window and he swears he can almost hear his synapses fizzle and die. "What?" he squawks.
"What are you gonna do if the perfect moment presents itself with the person you like and you have to take it but you don't have any experience and you try to kiss her and it's terrible?"
Rei can't even find words to respond, opting instead to gape, open-mouthed, at Nagisa, whose eyes have a sudden sparkle to them that's simultaneously chilling and adorable.
"I think we should practice," Nagisa says. The pencil in Rei's hand snaps.
He stares down at the pencil halves in his palm and forces his mouth to work, even though his tongue is dry and he feels like he's choking on something. "Excuse me?"
"You know," Nagisa says, ducking his head so he's directly in Rei's line of sight, drawing his attention reluctantly away from writing utensils. "If we practice kissing and stuff, then we'll get really good, so when we're ready for the real thing we'll be perfect at it! It's like training for a tournament!"
Rei decides against asking what exactly Nagisa means by and stuff, but maybe only because his stomach is twisting so miserably at the real thing. "I see," he says flatly.
It's a terrible idea for about a million reasons, chief among them that Rei has been taking great care to conceal his growing crush on Nagisa for months now, even though the force of it has become so staggering some mornings he can't do anything but lie in bed staring at his ceiling and ache. Nagisa is only suggesting this as an innocent diversion, something silly to pass the time while maybe also helping out a friend; what could be more Nagisa? If Rei takes him up on it, he'll be knowingly deceiving him, taking a genuine attempt to be helpful and using it for his own selfish, decidedly not innocent purposes.
"So, what do you think, Rei-chan?" Nagisa smiles sweetly and Rei closes his eyes.
"Let's do it," he says, hating himself for the spike of heat that flares in his gut.
"Really?" Nagisa appears both surprised and delighted by Rei's easy acquiescence. He shoves his book and notebook away and shifts closer, taking Rei's book—as well as the pencil halves—for him as he goes, pushing them all to the side of the bed. Maybe he can sense that Rei is ready to bolt, because he takes both his wrists and tugs, so Rei has no choice but to face him.
Nagisa peers up at him thoughtfully and Rei wonders what he's studying so closely—is he already reconsidering? Is Rei blushing so much that Nagisa has guessed the truth?
"Have you ever kissed anybody?" Nagisa asks.
"N-no," Rei says.
"Me neither," Nagisa assures him, and it does make Rei relax just a touch. "That's okay."
And then Nagisa is leaning in, and Rei can't move, can only watch as Nagisa's nose, eyelashes, mouth get closer and closer. Nagisa's lips brush his and hover there for a few seconds, barely any pressure at all, before pulling away. Rei can feel his pulse jumping wildly at his throat but still he can't move, can only stare at Nagisa through lenses he's shocked haven't fogged up.
Nagisa is staring at him too, but Rei genuinely doesn't know what to make of his expression.
"Hmm," Nagisa says. "Do you want to try again?"
"Yes," Rei says, probably a little too quickly.
This time, he leans in at the same time as Nagisa, and when their lips meet it's a little less gentle, a little more jarring. Nagisa pulls away after barely any time at all, licks his lips, and then he's back and they're kissing again, and again, little kisses that get softer and slightly wetter as they go. They kiss ten, maybe a dozen times, and it's not anything mind-blowing really except that it is, because Rei can feel his limbs turning to jelly and everything in his brain grinding to a slow halt. He closes his eyes and doesn't ever want to stop, just wants to keep feeling Nagisa's breath ghosting against his cheeks every time they lean in for the rest of his life.
Just as he's thinking it, the books slide off the bed and hit the floor. Nagisa and Rei both jolt, then pull apart slowly. Rei can feel the heat that was already creeping up his neck flush straight to his cheeks and ears.
"That wasn't bad," Nagisa says. His cheeks look a little red, too.
Physical response to a physical stimulus, Rei reminds himself, before he can get his hopes worked up.
"No," he agrees.
"Ah—my mom," Nagisa says, pulling his phone, flashing with an unread message, out of his pocket. Come to think of it, Rei thought he felt something vibrate a few seconds ago, distantly. "I have to go."
"Okay," Rei says.
Nagisa jumps off the bed and starts to pick around for his things, scattered here and there across the floor, stuffing them into his bag as he goes. He seems to be avoiding looking directly at Rei, and Rei wants to say something, wants to draw his attention back in some way.
Before he can, Nagisa turns, and there's nothing but the usual mischief and glee written on his face. "We can try again next time!"
He grabs his jacket and waves on his way out the door— "Bye, Rei-chan!" —and then he's gone, and Rei immediately flops forward to bury his face in the bedspread.
"I'm doomed," he mutters.
Nagisa invites himself over again three days later, and Rei doesn't know whether it's relief or terror that makes his hands tremble and his footwork clumsy, all the way from the train station up the stairs to his room. He enters stiffly and Nagisa closes the door behind them, stopping for a moment to drop his things and drape his jacket over Rei's desk chair while Rei hovers, unsure of what to do with himself, between the door and the bed, fingers twitching.
"Do you want to practice again?" Nagisa asks, as if it's nothing at all. Rei's bag slides off his shoulder onto the floor.
"I thought—maybe—homework first," he stammers, even as Nagisa takes his left hand and guides him directly to the bed, both their book bags forgotten by the door. They sit down heavily on the bedspread, Nagisa cross-legged, Rei's feet still on the floor.
"No, like this—face me," Nagisa says, taking Rei by the shoulders, forcing him to turn until he's cross-legged, too, gazing directly into Nagisa's eyes. Nagisa smiles. "That's better."
Rei doesn't respond, but only because his tongue appears to have glued itself to the roof of his mouth.
"This time, maybe—" Nagisa reaches forward, and before Rei can stop him, carefully lifts the glasses off his face. He folds them and stretches an arm out to set them on top of a nearby bookshelf before settling in front of Rei again. "Hmm," he says with a blurry head tilt.
"What?" Rei says, finding his voice at last. It cracks.
"Your eyes look bigger like this."
Panic washes over Rei and he wants to shout a million questions at once—What does that mean? Is it a good thing? Should he get contacts? Should he put his glasses back on?—but he doesn't have time to ask any of them, because Nagisa is leaning in and putting hands on either side of his face. He draws Rei toward him, so Rei shouldn't be surprised when their mouths meet, but there's something startlingly earnest about the way Nagisa tilts his head and breathes in deep at the touch of their lips.
Rei has to inch a little closer so he doesn't tip them both over, and one of his hands drifts up to Nagisa's wrist and takes gentle hold. He's waiting for one of them to pull away, but he can't seem to make himself do it, and Nagisa isn't moving either. Seconds tick by and Rei's palms start to sweat—they never had a kiss go this long last time and something seems wrong somehow. Was he supposed to do something? Did he ruin it?
Just as he's thinking it, Nagisa opens his mouth, nudging at Rei's he does so, exhaling slow right across his lips. Rei has no idea what he's doing, just follows Nagisa's lead blindly, lips parting and heart pounding and fingers clenching. Nagisa makes a faint noise—hopefully approving—and scoots even closer, on his knees hovering over Rei suddenly, drawing his face up and sucking Rei's bottom lip into his mouth. Rei's entire body shudders.
"Nagisa-kun!" he gasps, unable to stop himself, tilting away just enough to get the name out.
Nagisa just grins, hands never leaving Rei's face. "It's good, right? I saw it in a movie."
Rei wants to ask exactly what kinds of movies Nagisa has been watching lately, but then Nagisa is bearing down on him again, sucking any further protests right out of him along with his breath, and he finds he doesn't mind at all.
The next time it happens, Rei is prepared, and he's appalled with himself for it.
They're in Nagisa's room this time, and it's a weekend, so Rei has no reason to say no when Nagisa invites him to sleep over. No desire to, either, although the guilt that's been gnawing at him since the moment he first typed perfect kissing technique into his search engine hasn't really abated over the span of several days. If he were a good person, he would end things before they got even more out of hand than they already have. But they're here now, and he knows even before Nagisa draws him toward the bed exactly how much willpower he possesses—that is, none—and exactly how likely it is that he will do the right thing in the face of his own wants—that is, not at all.
"Definitely glasses off," Nagisa says, apparently to himself, because he doesn't wait for consent before sliding them off Rei's face again and setting them on his bedside table. Nagisa settles in against the pillows at the head of his bed and tugs until Rei is crawling toward him, almost in his lap before he stops.
"I think we're getting better," Nagisa says brightly.
Rei nods once and then he's moving in, cheeks burning, not having intended to initiate exactly but unable to stop himself now that Nagisa's mouth is within reach and Nagisa's arms are on his shoulders. Their noses brush, and they hover just shy of actually kissing for two seconds, maybe three, before Rei lifts his hands to Nagisa's neck and closes in. Nagisa starts to suck on his lips again, which Rei expected, and he lets him for a little while. Then, just as Nagisa begins to relax against him, Rei swipes his tongue across Nagisa's mouth, grazing his teeth on accident and feeling a little dizzy for it.
"Rei-chan!" Nagisa pulls back, blinking wide-eyed and lifting a hand to his mouth.
"I'm sorry!" Rei says. "I thought—I didn't—"
"No, it was good," Nagisa reassures him, recovering from his momentary shock and drawing Rei in closer, sliding a hand up the back of his skull. He nips at Rei's lip once and then, as if Rei's stomach weren't already tangling itself into an unworkable knot, breathes against his mouth, "Show me again."
They end up lying on Nagisa's bed, Rei on top, both of Nagisa's hands tangled in Rei's hair while Rei's stroke slowly over Nagisa's cheekbones, making out in a way that's dizzying and heated and probably exactly like a scene out of one of the movies Nagisa has been watching. Rei has no idea how long they stay like that, but by the time they draw back it's in some sort of wordless agreement, both fighting for breath, cheeks flushed and lips swollen.
Rei can't handle hovering above Nagisa and looking down at those lips anymore so he rolls off, collapsing on his back to Nagisa's right, and closes his eyes.
"Where did you learn to do that?" Nagisa asks after a little while, when they're both breathing normally again.
". . . Internet," Rei admits, trying not to get too offended by how hard Nagisa laughs.
"Whoever you like is going to be lucky to have you," Nagisa says, wiping tears away from his eyes. He pats Rei's hand and smiles at him, and Rei can only meet his eyes for a moment before turning away.
"Right," he mutters. He feels the weight of the bed shift as Nagisa stands up and says something about the bathroom, and after the bedroom door opens and closes Rei stays in the same place, staring up at the ceiling he can't quite see.
Right.
They start to get good at it.
Really good at it, Rei thinks, lying next to Nagisa on top of his bed and kissing easily, lazily, one of his hands curled around Nagisa's ear, one of Nagisa's fisted in the collar of his shirt. They've found a rhythm that works, for all that sometimes Rei suspects the best rhythm is none at all. Usually it starts with Nagisa's hands in his hair, his teeth on Rei's lips—he really has a penchant for biting, Rei has learned, and reflecting on that for too long always makes his stomach jump in nervous excitement. From there, it dissolves fast into sucking and licking and, eventually, gasping, and on the good days Rei doesn't even remember that it's all a ruse and can almost believe they're doing this out of mutual desire.
Today—the eighth or ninth time they've done it, Rei thinks, although whenever he tries to stop and really count he usually gets too flustered remembering the details to continue—Nagisa is even more persistent than usual. After what could be ten minutes or half an hour of kissing at their usual pace, he makes a frustrated noise against Rei's mouth and shifts until he's on top of him, weight pressing heavy against Rei's chest.
Rei doesn't protest, just sighs appreciatively and makes room for Nagisa, their legs tangling together, warm and persistent. He shifts his hips and Nagisa breathes out shakily against his mouth, and a little bit of the fog around Rei's head starts to lift. He feels his brow furrow even as Nagisa's mouth slides away from his lips, down the side of his face.
"Nagisa—" he says, voice weak, lurching reluctantly back into reality.
"Mmm." Nagisa's nose drags down Rei's jaw and he presses a kiss to Rei's neck, close to his adam's apple, which bobs nervously when he swallows.
"Nagisa," he says, sharper this time.
Nagisa looks up. His pupils are dilated—Rei can only tell because their faces are so close that his myopia is actually keeping things in focus for once—and his cheeks are red. Rei wants nothing more than to flip him over and kiss him harder and harder, to try really pressing their hips together and see how long it takes them to get the hang of that. But now that he's coming back to his senses, the guilt is back full force, almost crippling, and he knows this is his last chance; if he doesn't stop now, everything is going to come rushing out of him, and then it won't just be bi-weekly make-out sessions with Nagisa that he'll lose.
"We should stop doing this," Rei says, although he can't help the way his thumb brushes across Nagisa's cheekbone as he says it—Just one last time, he tells himself.
Slowly, Nagisa's eyes go from hazy to clear, and the color on his cheeks darkens.
"Oh," he says, like he's waking up from a dream. He rolls off and leans over the edge of the bed, back to Rei, running a hand through his hair.
"It's just—" Rei says, stumbling, "—since it was just for—practice, I think—I think we've gotten pretty good, so—"
"No, you're right!" Nagisa's voice has a high, forced quality to it, but after a few seconds he looks back over his shoulder and smiles, and it seems mostly normal. "You have to start thinking about kissing the person you really like."
"That's—" Rei starts, but Nagisa jumps up, chirping "Bathroom!", and Rei is left alone in his room, waiting for the relief at having finally done the right thing to wash over him.
It never does.
Relief doesn't come on Monday, when Nagisa barely looks at him all through classes and swimming practice. It doesn't come on Tuesday either, when the same thing happens. On Thursday, Makoto holds him back in the locker room to ask if they had a fight. Rei doesn't know how to answer, so he just shakes his head and apologizes before hurrying out to the pool.
On Friday morning, Rei wakes up and stares at his ceiling, and he realizes that the ache is infinitely, infinitely worse than usual, and this isn't right at all, he was supposed to be making things better. He throws on his clothing with far less than the typical care for color coordination and storms out the door without eating breakfast, and when he gets to school he's half an hour early, so he just has to sit and wait, leg jiggling furiously, at Nagisa's desk until he rolls in five minutes before the bell.
"Rei-chan," Nagisa says, frowning at him and stopping just short of his desk.
"Nagisa-kun," Rei says, "would you like to come over tonight?"
A couple of their nearby classmates snicker, and Rei sounds like such a complete fool that he can't blame them, although he still takes a moment to shoot them a sideways glare.
"Sure, Rei-chan," Nagisa says, and Rei's attention immediately snaps back to Nagisa, because that tone isn't like him at all. He's utterly listless.
"Oh—okay, great," Rei manages. Nagisa doesn't say anything else, so Rei jumps up from his seat and returns to his own desk haltingly, like a giant, awkward robot, legs and arms only moving because they were hardwired to.
The rest of the day ticks by so slowly it's tortuous, and the sinking realization that he must have been too late, he's already ruined his relationship with Nagisa irreparably and nothing will ever be the same again, makes every minute drag on worse. Nagisa is undoubtedly only coming over as a last farewell; Rei almost wishes he were generous enough to tell him not to bother, but he’s just selfish enough that he can’t, no matter how much he’s anticipating it will crush him when he has to hear Nagisa tell him it’s over. By the time swimming practice lets out and they begin their slow walk to the train station together, Rei is so twisted up with unhappy anticipation he can hardly speak, and Nagisa, to his left, doesn’t look much happier, probably struggling to find the right words to tell Rei gently, since it’s Nagisa and he cares about these things.
They ride the train and walk all the way to Rei’s apartment in total silence. Rei can’t remember the last time he’s known Nagisa to be quiet for so long, and for once he’s actually grateful when they get home and Rei’s parents pounce on them, ecstatic as ever that Rei has finally started bringing a friend home for the first time since he was in elementary school.
"Rei, you’re not burdening Nagisa too much, I hope?" his mother nags.
"Mother," Rei groans.
"Don’t let him get make you study all the time. Make him have some fun once in a while!" his father says.
"I do fun things!" Rei snaps.
"Rei’s never any trouble. He takes care of me," Nagisa says, smiling in a way that looks, to Rei, a little sad. He feels his cheeks go inexplicably warm.
"We’ll order sushi for dinner!" his mother calls as they make their way upstairs. Nagisa waves his thanks and Rei holds the door for him, and once they’re both inside he shuts it with perhaps a little too much force.
He doesn’t turn around right away, opting instead to take his time setting his book bag on the desk chair and hanging his coat, carefully, on its hook on the back of the door. He’s not expecting it, then, when he turns around and finds Nagisa seated on his bed, shoulders shaking as he fights to wipe away the tears running silently down his face.
"Nagisa!" Rei darts forward and is before him in an instant, crouching on the floor at Nagisa’s feet, hands coming to rest on either side of his knees. "What is it? What’s wrong?"
"I just—" Nagisa pauses, hiccups, and wipes both eyes with the cuff of his sleeve before sobbing, "—I just like your parents so much!"
Rei blinks, dumbfounded. "Oh . . ." he says after a few moments. "Are you . . . worried about them?"
Nagisa can't answer right away, just shakes his head furiously and keeps hiccup-sobbing. Without thinking about it, Rei brushes the tears away from his cheeks his thumbs.
"No, but I—I don't wanna stop seeing them!" He grabs both Rei's wrists but keeps his eyes scrunched tightly closed, although it doesn't stop more tears escaping from them. "And I don't wanna stop seeing Rei-chan!"
Now Rei's heart is pounding, uncontrollably all of a sudden. "You don't have to," he says, trying not to get his hopes up too high and failing all in the same instant.
"Yes I do," Nagisa says, sniffling. He—probably unconsciously, although with Nagisa who can be sure—wipes one of his eyes on Rei's trapped hand, which Rei would find gross under any other circumstances, with any other person.
"But—why?" Rei says, quietly, not sure he wants to hear the answer.
"Because," Nagisa says, voice still unsteady, breath still coming in intermittent gasps. "Because I lied to you and I tricked you, and you're not gonna wanna be friends with me anymore."
Rei is so stunned he can't reply; he doesn't know what to do so he just bites his lip and waits for Nagisa to go on, wondering why he feels a tiny spark of something glowing inside him.
"I told you I wanted to practice kissing for—for girls, or for someone else, but I didn't want to practice at all. I was tricking you."
"But—why, Nagisa?" Rei asks at last, heart still pounding wildly.
Nagisa's eyes finally open, although they're still welling over with tears, to the point that Rei can hardly even make out the color of them. "Because I was jealous," he sniffs. "I didn't want you liking somebody else. I wanted it to be me."
Then he dissolves into truly heartbreaking sobs again, and Rei would almost feel terrible for how long it takes him to snap out of his momentary daze and start comforting him, only he's too busy bursting with quiet, terrified elation to do anything at all.
"Nagisa-kun," he says at last, once he's finally found his voice again, lifting his hands—taking Nagisa's with him, still clutching at his wrists—to cup Nagisa's face. "It is you."
He kisses him once, fiercely, on the mouth, and then, while Nagisa is still blinking tears away and gaping, kisses him again and again, on one cheek and the other, on the forehead, finally on the mouth again. "It's you," he repeats, "it's always been you."
And that, finally, is when the relief hits him, all at once, like a hurricane.
It seems as if Nagisa might be broken, Rei just has time to think, frowning at Nagisa's conspicuously still everything, before he erupts, launching forward like a second hurricane and wrapping his arms around Rei's neck, burying his face against Rei's jaw and sobbing, if possible, even harder.
"Rei-chan!" he chokes out through the tears, and Rei can't help it; it's all so ridiculous that he starts to laugh.
"I thought I was tricking you," he says, surprised to realize there are tears leaking out of his eyes now, too. He tries to lift an arm to brush them away but Nagisa's hold on him tightens and he gives up.
"Rei-chan," Nagisa says again, leaning back just enough that they can really look at each other. "I need a tissue."
Rei laughs again. He tries to scoot back far enough to reach the box on his nightstand, but Nagisa still won't let go, and in the end he ends up falling flat on his back on the floor with Nagisa on his chest and the box of tissues tumbling somewhere behind his head.
"Thank you," Nagisa says, reaching over him to pluck one out, and he takes a moment to dry his eyes and blow his nose before also pulling one out to drop on Rei's chest. Rei takes it but can't quite make himself do anything but watch Nagisa.
Nagisa notices him watching and tosses the tissue over his shoulder, which Rei would object to except that then Nagisa leans over him, plucks the unused tissue out of his hands, and uses it to dab at Rei's eyes.
"I think this time is when it really counts, Rei-chan," he says, tossing that tissue aside, too, to rest one hand on either side of Rei's neck as he presses in close.
"Right," Rei agrees, a tiny flutter of nervousness lodging in his throat. Then Nagisa's lips are on his, and Rei's hands are on Nagisa's waist, and he realizes he has nothing to be nervous about, because they've done it a million times before and they're good at it.
Really good at it, he thinks, as Nagisa's teeth briefly graze his top lip before their tongues meet inside his mouth. Nagisa is pushing, prodding, devouring him suddenly, not allowing Rei to get the upper hand even for a second. He seals his mouth over Rei's and sucks at his tongue, bites at it, and when Rei gasps he sucks that right out of him too, until Rei feels a rush of lightheadedness and has to turn away, only for a second, only to draw a breath of air.
But Nagisa will only allow a quick respite before he's on him again, attacking Rei's mouth, and Rei responds in kind, surging up to meet him, accidentally-or-maybe-a-little-on-purpos
He focuses his attention away from Nagisa's mouth after that, on his ear and soon his neck, down to his collarbone, mouthing and sucking just like when they kiss, except this is more dangerous, he's sure, because there's the risk of someone being able to tell later. He finds he doesn't care, though, especially once Nagisa rolls them both over so Rei is on his back again and shows him the same treatment, leaving both Rei's lungs and his brain gasping for oxygen after only a few minutes, at which point he has to gently push Nagisa away.
"That's—let's just—" he stammers, and Nagisa doesn't need to be told twice. He beams and abruptly transforms from a crazed sex-beast into an innocent, cuddly rabbit, snuggling right up close to Rei's chest and sighing deep and slow. Rei drops a hand to Nagisa's hair and strokes a foot along his ankle and wonders if this is what having everything you want in the world feels like.
"I was right, though," Nagisa murmurs after no more than a minute or two of silence, just as Rei's beginning to decompress enough that he feels like he could drift off to sleep.
He forces himself reluctantly back toward consciousness. "Hmm?"
"Whoever you like is lucky to have you," he says, and Rei can hear the grin on his voice even before he sees it, tilted up toward him, managing to come off at the same time as both cheeky and cherubic.
Rei wants to say something but can't, too flushed and flustered to even process everything that's happened in the past twenty minutes, much less articulate a response to it. He settles for planting a kiss to Nagisa's forehead, which seems to placate Nagisa, too.
"Hey, Rei-chan," Nagisa says after another beat has passed, "do you think—"
At precisely that moment, Rei's mother's voice sounds from downstairs, startling them both.
"Rei! Nagisa-kun! Dinner's here!"
Nagisa immediately jumps up. "Yeah! Sushi!"
"Nagisa," Rei says, sitting up far more slowly, head still spinning. He can't quite fathom how Nagisa can be acting so normal right now, like the entire planet didn't just change axis under their feet.
"Hmm?" Nagisa turns and offers him a hand, which Rei takes, allowing himself to be pulled upright, close enough that their chests are nearly touching. A mischievous something sparkles in Nagisa's eyes.
"What—were you going to say?"
"Oh," Nagisa says, eyes going half-lidded and, somehow, even more dangerous. He lifts a hand to brush a little lint away from Rei's shoulder. "I was just wondering if you'd wanna start practicing some other stuff sometime."
And then, just like that, with one final flash of a grin, he's gone, out the door and down the stairs, calling out to Rei's parents, "Let's eat!", and Rei is left alone in his room on wobbly feet, struggling not to choke on his own saliva and die.
"I'm doomed," he mutters, not for the first time, but he's smiling when he bends down to grope for his glasses and, finding them, takes off, out the door and down the stairs, to catch up with Nagisa.
end
Rating: PG-13
Pairing(s): Rei/Nagisa
Word count: 5545
Warnings: This is seriously so saccharine y'all oh my god I'M SO SORRY
Summary: The one where both Rei and Nagisa are so completely dense that they continue to believe their mutual affection is unrequited even while literally sucking on each other's faces.
Notes: I was gonna sit on this a little while longer and maybe tweak a few things but then Season 2 got announced and I just got so excited!! Thanks to
reallycorking for looking it over for me ♥ Also, if you suspect this title might be sorta kinda partially inspired by a certain Beyoncé song, you aren't wrong."Rei-chan," comes Nagisa's voice from the floor where he's perched, pretending to do homework, back against Rei's bed.
Rei, on top of the bed with a textbook in his lap and a stack of pillows propping him up, says without taking eyes off the page, "Yes?"
Nagisa hesitates for a moment—which Rei will recognize, in the future, to be a warning that he is about to say something Earth-shattering—before asking, "Do you have somebody you like?"
The page Rei was about to turn tears in his fingers and he goes absolutely still, feeling the blood slowly drain from his face. Nagisa turns his head to blink up at him, and even though nothing in his expression indicates an ulterior motive, Rei feels faintly sick, the persistent mantra of He knows, he knows, he knows beating over and over in his head.
"I—" Rei says, meeting Nagisa's gaze and swallowing hard, wondering distantly if throwing up might actually get him out of answering this one. Knowing Nagisa's tenacity, it's doubtful.
Nagisa cocks his head in that endearing cockatiel way he has, which Rei blames for the momentary lapse of sanity when he answers, "I do."
Nagisa's eyes go wide and Rei's stomach plummets to somewhere in the vicinity of his ankles. "Really?" Nagisa scrambles up onto the bed and leans in toward Rei, far too close. "Who is it? Why didn't you tell me sooner?"
Rei recoils, shrinking back into his mountain of pillows, textbook sliding off his lap, and wishes he could cut out his own tongue. "I don't—" Rei stammers, feeling the blood rush back to his face with alarming speed, "—it isn't—I don't want to talk about it!"
The way Nagisa's face twists into a frown is almost enough to make Rei want to relent, but it's not as if telling the truth would actually make things better.
"No fair, Rei-chan," Nagisa whines. "I would tell you."
"I wouldn't want to know!" Rei snaps. Nagisa's frown gets even poutier.
"I think you should at least give me a little hint—" Nagisa says, but Rei actually can't endure anymore, so he interrupts.
"Homework, Nagisa. You came over because you're failing math, remember?"
"Fine," Nagisa says, sighing, but to Rei's dismay, he doesn't return to the floor. Instead, he scoops up his textbook and notes and tucks himself in neatly against the mountain of pillows, close to Rei's side. Rei would shift away so at least their shoulders aren't touching, but then he would fall off the bed. He considers it briefly anyway.
Nagisa actually seems to return his attention to his exercises, though, and it gives Rei a few minutes to calm himself, closing his eyes and breathing deep as his heart rate and body temperature slowly return to normal. There's nothing to worry about now. Nagisa dropped the subject and Rei won't ever be so stupid as to almost let it slip again. He might have actually successfully diverted Nagisa for the first time in memory.
"Hey," Nagisa says after no more than five minutes, dropping his pencil and snapping his book shut, "what about kissing?"
All Rei's relaxation techniques go out the window and he swears he can almost hear his synapses fizzle and die. "What?" he squawks.
"What are you gonna do if the perfect moment presents itself with the person you like and you have to take it but you don't have any experience and you try to kiss her and it's terrible?"
Rei can't even find words to respond, opting instead to gape, open-mouthed, at Nagisa, whose eyes have a sudden sparkle to them that's simultaneously chilling and adorable.
"I think we should practice," Nagisa says. The pencil in Rei's hand snaps.
He stares down at the pencil halves in his palm and forces his mouth to work, even though his tongue is dry and he feels like he's choking on something. "Excuse me?"
"You know," Nagisa says, ducking his head so he's directly in Rei's line of sight, drawing his attention reluctantly away from writing utensils. "If we practice kissing and stuff, then we'll get really good, so when we're ready for the real thing we'll be perfect at it! It's like training for a tournament!"
Rei decides against asking what exactly Nagisa means by and stuff, but maybe only because his stomach is twisting so miserably at the real thing. "I see," he says flatly.
It's a terrible idea for about a million reasons, chief among them that Rei has been taking great care to conceal his growing crush on Nagisa for months now, even though the force of it has become so staggering some mornings he can't do anything but lie in bed staring at his ceiling and ache. Nagisa is only suggesting this as an innocent diversion, something silly to pass the time while maybe also helping out a friend; what could be more Nagisa? If Rei takes him up on it, he'll be knowingly deceiving him, taking a genuine attempt to be helpful and using it for his own selfish, decidedly not innocent purposes.
"So, what do you think, Rei-chan?" Nagisa smiles sweetly and Rei closes his eyes.
"Let's do it," he says, hating himself for the spike of heat that flares in his gut.
"Really?" Nagisa appears both surprised and delighted by Rei's easy acquiescence. He shoves his book and notebook away and shifts closer, taking Rei's book—as well as the pencil halves—for him as he goes, pushing them all to the side of the bed. Maybe he can sense that Rei is ready to bolt, because he takes both his wrists and tugs, so Rei has no choice but to face him.
Nagisa peers up at him thoughtfully and Rei wonders what he's studying so closely—is he already reconsidering? Is Rei blushing so much that Nagisa has guessed the truth?
"Have you ever kissed anybody?" Nagisa asks.
"N-no," Rei says.
"Me neither," Nagisa assures him, and it does make Rei relax just a touch. "That's okay."
And then Nagisa is leaning in, and Rei can't move, can only watch as Nagisa's nose, eyelashes, mouth get closer and closer. Nagisa's lips brush his and hover there for a few seconds, barely any pressure at all, before pulling away. Rei can feel his pulse jumping wildly at his throat but still he can't move, can only stare at Nagisa through lenses he's shocked haven't fogged up.
Nagisa is staring at him too, but Rei genuinely doesn't know what to make of his expression.
"Hmm," Nagisa says. "Do you want to try again?"
"Yes," Rei says, probably a little too quickly.
This time, he leans in at the same time as Nagisa, and when their lips meet it's a little less gentle, a little more jarring. Nagisa pulls away after barely any time at all, licks his lips, and then he's back and they're kissing again, and again, little kisses that get softer and slightly wetter as they go. They kiss ten, maybe a dozen times, and it's not anything mind-blowing really except that it is, because Rei can feel his limbs turning to jelly and everything in his brain grinding to a slow halt. He closes his eyes and doesn't ever want to stop, just wants to keep feeling Nagisa's breath ghosting against his cheeks every time they lean in for the rest of his life.
Just as he's thinking it, the books slide off the bed and hit the floor. Nagisa and Rei both jolt, then pull apart slowly. Rei can feel the heat that was already creeping up his neck flush straight to his cheeks and ears.
"That wasn't bad," Nagisa says. His cheeks look a little red, too.
Physical response to a physical stimulus, Rei reminds himself, before he can get his hopes worked up.
"No," he agrees.
"Ah—my mom," Nagisa says, pulling his phone, flashing with an unread message, out of his pocket. Come to think of it, Rei thought he felt something vibrate a few seconds ago, distantly. "I have to go."
"Okay," Rei says.
Nagisa jumps off the bed and starts to pick around for his things, scattered here and there across the floor, stuffing them into his bag as he goes. He seems to be avoiding looking directly at Rei, and Rei wants to say something, wants to draw his attention back in some way.
Before he can, Nagisa turns, and there's nothing but the usual mischief and glee written on his face. "We can try again next time!"
He grabs his jacket and waves on his way out the door— "Bye, Rei-chan!" —and then he's gone, and Rei immediately flops forward to bury his face in the bedspread.
"I'm doomed," he mutters.
Nagisa invites himself over again three days later, and Rei doesn't know whether it's relief or terror that makes his hands tremble and his footwork clumsy, all the way from the train station up the stairs to his room. He enters stiffly and Nagisa closes the door behind them, stopping for a moment to drop his things and drape his jacket over Rei's desk chair while Rei hovers, unsure of what to do with himself, between the door and the bed, fingers twitching.
"Do you want to practice again?" Nagisa asks, as if it's nothing at all. Rei's bag slides off his shoulder onto the floor.
"I thought—maybe—homework first," he stammers, even as Nagisa takes his left hand and guides him directly to the bed, both their book bags forgotten by the door. They sit down heavily on the bedspread, Nagisa cross-legged, Rei's feet still on the floor.
"No, like this—face me," Nagisa says, taking Rei by the shoulders, forcing him to turn until he's cross-legged, too, gazing directly into Nagisa's eyes. Nagisa smiles. "That's better."
Rei doesn't respond, but only because his tongue appears to have glued itself to the roof of his mouth.
"This time, maybe—" Nagisa reaches forward, and before Rei can stop him, carefully lifts the glasses off his face. He folds them and stretches an arm out to set them on top of a nearby bookshelf before settling in front of Rei again. "Hmm," he says with a blurry head tilt.
"What?" Rei says, finding his voice at last. It cracks.
"Your eyes look bigger like this."
Panic washes over Rei and he wants to shout a million questions at once—What does that mean? Is it a good thing? Should he get contacts? Should he put his glasses back on?—but he doesn't have time to ask any of them, because Nagisa is leaning in and putting hands on either side of his face. He draws Rei toward him, so Rei shouldn't be surprised when their mouths meet, but there's something startlingly earnest about the way Nagisa tilts his head and breathes in deep at the touch of their lips.
Rei has to inch a little closer so he doesn't tip them both over, and one of his hands drifts up to Nagisa's wrist and takes gentle hold. He's waiting for one of them to pull away, but he can't seem to make himself do it, and Nagisa isn't moving either. Seconds tick by and Rei's palms start to sweat—they never had a kiss go this long last time and something seems wrong somehow. Was he supposed to do something? Did he ruin it?
Just as he's thinking it, Nagisa opens his mouth, nudging at Rei's he does so, exhaling slow right across his lips. Rei has no idea what he's doing, just follows Nagisa's lead blindly, lips parting and heart pounding and fingers clenching. Nagisa makes a faint noise—hopefully approving—and scoots even closer, on his knees hovering over Rei suddenly, drawing his face up and sucking Rei's bottom lip into his mouth. Rei's entire body shudders.
"Nagisa-kun!" he gasps, unable to stop himself, tilting away just enough to get the name out.
Nagisa just grins, hands never leaving Rei's face. "It's good, right? I saw it in a movie."
Rei wants to ask exactly what kinds of movies Nagisa has been watching lately, but then Nagisa is bearing down on him again, sucking any further protests right out of him along with his breath, and he finds he doesn't mind at all.
The next time it happens, Rei is prepared, and he's appalled with himself for it.
They're in Nagisa's room this time, and it's a weekend, so Rei has no reason to say no when Nagisa invites him to sleep over. No desire to, either, although the guilt that's been gnawing at him since the moment he first typed perfect kissing technique into his search engine hasn't really abated over the span of several days. If he were a good person, he would end things before they got even more out of hand than they already have. But they're here now, and he knows even before Nagisa draws him toward the bed exactly how much willpower he possesses—that is, none—and exactly how likely it is that he will do the right thing in the face of his own wants—that is, not at all.
"Definitely glasses off," Nagisa says, apparently to himself, because he doesn't wait for consent before sliding them off Rei's face again and setting them on his bedside table. Nagisa settles in against the pillows at the head of his bed and tugs until Rei is crawling toward him, almost in his lap before he stops.
"I think we're getting better," Nagisa says brightly.
Rei nods once and then he's moving in, cheeks burning, not having intended to initiate exactly but unable to stop himself now that Nagisa's mouth is within reach and Nagisa's arms are on his shoulders. Their noses brush, and they hover just shy of actually kissing for two seconds, maybe three, before Rei lifts his hands to Nagisa's neck and closes in. Nagisa starts to suck on his lips again, which Rei expected, and he lets him for a little while. Then, just as Nagisa begins to relax against him, Rei swipes his tongue across Nagisa's mouth, grazing his teeth on accident and feeling a little dizzy for it.
"Rei-chan!" Nagisa pulls back, blinking wide-eyed and lifting a hand to his mouth.
"I'm sorry!" Rei says. "I thought—I didn't—"
"No, it was good," Nagisa reassures him, recovering from his momentary shock and drawing Rei in closer, sliding a hand up the back of his skull. He nips at Rei's lip once and then, as if Rei's stomach weren't already tangling itself into an unworkable knot, breathes against his mouth, "Show me again."
They end up lying on Nagisa's bed, Rei on top, both of Nagisa's hands tangled in Rei's hair while Rei's stroke slowly over Nagisa's cheekbones, making out in a way that's dizzying and heated and probably exactly like a scene out of one of the movies Nagisa has been watching. Rei has no idea how long they stay like that, but by the time they draw back it's in some sort of wordless agreement, both fighting for breath, cheeks flushed and lips swollen.
Rei can't handle hovering above Nagisa and looking down at those lips anymore so he rolls off, collapsing on his back to Nagisa's right, and closes his eyes.
"Where did you learn to do that?" Nagisa asks after a little while, when they're both breathing normally again.
". . . Internet," Rei admits, trying not to get too offended by how hard Nagisa laughs.
"Whoever you like is going to be lucky to have you," Nagisa says, wiping tears away from his eyes. He pats Rei's hand and smiles at him, and Rei can only meet his eyes for a moment before turning away.
"Right," he mutters. He feels the weight of the bed shift as Nagisa stands up and says something about the bathroom, and after the bedroom door opens and closes Rei stays in the same place, staring up at the ceiling he can't quite see.
Right.
They start to get good at it.
Really good at it, Rei thinks, lying next to Nagisa on top of his bed and kissing easily, lazily, one of his hands curled around Nagisa's ear, one of Nagisa's fisted in the collar of his shirt. They've found a rhythm that works, for all that sometimes Rei suspects the best rhythm is none at all. Usually it starts with Nagisa's hands in his hair, his teeth on Rei's lips—he really has a penchant for biting, Rei has learned, and reflecting on that for too long always makes his stomach jump in nervous excitement. From there, it dissolves fast into sucking and licking and, eventually, gasping, and on the good days Rei doesn't even remember that it's all a ruse and can almost believe they're doing this out of mutual desire.
Today—the eighth or ninth time they've done it, Rei thinks, although whenever he tries to stop and really count he usually gets too flustered remembering the details to continue—Nagisa is even more persistent than usual. After what could be ten minutes or half an hour of kissing at their usual pace, he makes a frustrated noise against Rei's mouth and shifts until he's on top of him, weight pressing heavy against Rei's chest.
Rei doesn't protest, just sighs appreciatively and makes room for Nagisa, their legs tangling together, warm and persistent. He shifts his hips and Nagisa breathes out shakily against his mouth, and a little bit of the fog around Rei's head starts to lift. He feels his brow furrow even as Nagisa's mouth slides away from his lips, down the side of his face.
"Nagisa—" he says, voice weak, lurching reluctantly back into reality.
"Mmm." Nagisa's nose drags down Rei's jaw and he presses a kiss to Rei's neck, close to his adam's apple, which bobs nervously when he swallows.
"Nagisa," he says, sharper this time.
Nagisa looks up. His pupils are dilated—Rei can only tell because their faces are so close that his myopia is actually keeping things in focus for once—and his cheeks are red. Rei wants nothing more than to flip him over and kiss him harder and harder, to try really pressing their hips together and see how long it takes them to get the hang of that. But now that he's coming back to his senses, the guilt is back full force, almost crippling, and he knows this is his last chance; if he doesn't stop now, everything is going to come rushing out of him, and then it won't just be bi-weekly make-out sessions with Nagisa that he'll lose.
"We should stop doing this," Rei says, although he can't help the way his thumb brushes across Nagisa's cheekbone as he says it—Just one last time, he tells himself.
Slowly, Nagisa's eyes go from hazy to clear, and the color on his cheeks darkens.
"Oh," he says, like he's waking up from a dream. He rolls off and leans over the edge of the bed, back to Rei, running a hand through his hair.
"It's just—" Rei says, stumbling, "—since it was just for—practice, I think—I think we've gotten pretty good, so—"
"No, you're right!" Nagisa's voice has a high, forced quality to it, but after a few seconds he looks back over his shoulder and smiles, and it seems mostly normal. "You have to start thinking about kissing the person you really like."
"That's—" Rei starts, but Nagisa jumps up, chirping "Bathroom!", and Rei is left alone in his room, waiting for the relief at having finally done the right thing to wash over him.
It never does.
Relief doesn't come on Monday, when Nagisa barely looks at him all through classes and swimming practice. It doesn't come on Tuesday either, when the same thing happens. On Thursday, Makoto holds him back in the locker room to ask if they had a fight. Rei doesn't know how to answer, so he just shakes his head and apologizes before hurrying out to the pool.
On Friday morning, Rei wakes up and stares at his ceiling, and he realizes that the ache is infinitely, infinitely worse than usual, and this isn't right at all, he was supposed to be making things better. He throws on his clothing with far less than the typical care for color coordination and storms out the door without eating breakfast, and when he gets to school he's half an hour early, so he just has to sit and wait, leg jiggling furiously, at Nagisa's desk until he rolls in five minutes before the bell.
"Rei-chan," Nagisa says, frowning at him and stopping just short of his desk.
"Nagisa-kun," Rei says, "would you like to come over tonight?"
A couple of their nearby classmates snicker, and Rei sounds like such a complete fool that he can't blame them, although he still takes a moment to shoot them a sideways glare.
"Sure, Rei-chan," Nagisa says, and Rei's attention immediately snaps back to Nagisa, because that tone isn't like him at all. He's utterly listless.
"Oh—okay, great," Rei manages. Nagisa doesn't say anything else, so Rei jumps up from his seat and returns to his own desk haltingly, like a giant, awkward robot, legs and arms only moving because they were hardwired to.
The rest of the day ticks by so slowly it's tortuous, and the sinking realization that he must have been too late, he's already ruined his relationship with Nagisa irreparably and nothing will ever be the same again, makes every minute drag on worse. Nagisa is undoubtedly only coming over as a last farewell; Rei almost wishes he were generous enough to tell him not to bother, but he’s just selfish enough that he can’t, no matter how much he’s anticipating it will crush him when he has to hear Nagisa tell him it’s over. By the time swimming practice lets out and they begin their slow walk to the train station together, Rei is so twisted up with unhappy anticipation he can hardly speak, and Nagisa, to his left, doesn’t look much happier, probably struggling to find the right words to tell Rei gently, since it’s Nagisa and he cares about these things.
They ride the train and walk all the way to Rei’s apartment in total silence. Rei can’t remember the last time he’s known Nagisa to be quiet for so long, and for once he’s actually grateful when they get home and Rei’s parents pounce on them, ecstatic as ever that Rei has finally started bringing a friend home for the first time since he was in elementary school.
"Rei, you’re not burdening Nagisa too much, I hope?" his mother nags.
"Mother," Rei groans.
"Don’t let him get make you study all the time. Make him have some fun once in a while!" his father says.
"I do fun things!" Rei snaps.
"Rei’s never any trouble. He takes care of me," Nagisa says, smiling in a way that looks, to Rei, a little sad. He feels his cheeks go inexplicably warm.
"We’ll order sushi for dinner!" his mother calls as they make their way upstairs. Nagisa waves his thanks and Rei holds the door for him, and once they’re both inside he shuts it with perhaps a little too much force.
He doesn’t turn around right away, opting instead to take his time setting his book bag on the desk chair and hanging his coat, carefully, on its hook on the back of the door. He’s not expecting it, then, when he turns around and finds Nagisa seated on his bed, shoulders shaking as he fights to wipe away the tears running silently down his face.
"Nagisa!" Rei darts forward and is before him in an instant, crouching on the floor at Nagisa’s feet, hands coming to rest on either side of his knees. "What is it? What’s wrong?"
"I just—" Nagisa pauses, hiccups, and wipes both eyes with the cuff of his sleeve before sobbing, "—I just like your parents so much!"
Rei blinks, dumbfounded. "Oh . . ." he says after a few moments. "Are you . . . worried about them?"
Nagisa can't answer right away, just shakes his head furiously and keeps hiccup-sobbing. Without thinking about it, Rei brushes the tears away from his cheeks his thumbs.
"No, but I—I don't wanna stop seeing them!" He grabs both Rei's wrists but keeps his eyes scrunched tightly closed, although it doesn't stop more tears escaping from them. "And I don't wanna stop seeing Rei-chan!"
Now Rei's heart is pounding, uncontrollably all of a sudden. "You don't have to," he says, trying not to get his hopes up too high and failing all in the same instant.
"Yes I do," Nagisa says, sniffling. He—probably unconsciously, although with Nagisa who can be sure—wipes one of his eyes on Rei's trapped hand, which Rei would find gross under any other circumstances, with any other person.
"But—why?" Rei says, quietly, not sure he wants to hear the answer.
"Because," Nagisa says, voice still unsteady, breath still coming in intermittent gasps. "Because I lied to you and I tricked you, and you're not gonna wanna be friends with me anymore."
Rei is so stunned he can't reply; he doesn't know what to do so he just bites his lip and waits for Nagisa to go on, wondering why he feels a tiny spark of something glowing inside him.
"I told you I wanted to practice kissing for—for girls, or for someone else, but I didn't want to practice at all. I was tricking you."
"But—why, Nagisa?" Rei asks at last, heart still pounding wildly.
Nagisa's eyes finally open, although they're still welling over with tears, to the point that Rei can hardly even make out the color of them. "Because I was jealous," he sniffs. "I didn't want you liking somebody else. I wanted it to be me."
Then he dissolves into truly heartbreaking sobs again, and Rei would almost feel terrible for how long it takes him to snap out of his momentary daze and start comforting him, only he's too busy bursting with quiet, terrified elation to do anything at all.
"Nagisa-kun," he says at last, once he's finally found his voice again, lifting his hands—taking Nagisa's with him, still clutching at his wrists—to cup Nagisa's face. "It is you."
He kisses him once, fiercely, on the mouth, and then, while Nagisa is still blinking tears away and gaping, kisses him again and again, on one cheek and the other, on the forehead, finally on the mouth again. "It's you," he repeats, "it's always been you."
And that, finally, is when the relief hits him, all at once, like a hurricane.
It seems as if Nagisa might be broken, Rei just has time to think, frowning at Nagisa's conspicuously still everything, before he erupts, launching forward like a second hurricane and wrapping his arms around Rei's neck, burying his face against Rei's jaw and sobbing, if possible, even harder.
"Rei-chan!" he chokes out through the tears, and Rei can't help it; it's all so ridiculous that he starts to laugh.
"I thought I was tricking you," he says, surprised to realize there are tears leaking out of his eyes now, too. He tries to lift an arm to brush them away but Nagisa's hold on him tightens and he gives up.
"Rei-chan," Nagisa says again, leaning back just enough that they can really look at each other. "I need a tissue."
Rei laughs again. He tries to scoot back far enough to reach the box on his nightstand, but Nagisa still won't let go, and in the end he ends up falling flat on his back on the floor with Nagisa on his chest and the box of tissues tumbling somewhere behind his head.
"Thank you," Nagisa says, reaching over him to pluck one out, and he takes a moment to dry his eyes and blow his nose before also pulling one out to drop on Rei's chest. Rei takes it but can't quite make himself do anything but watch Nagisa.
Nagisa notices him watching and tosses the tissue over his shoulder, which Rei would object to except that then Nagisa leans over him, plucks the unused tissue out of his hands, and uses it to dab at Rei's eyes.
"I think this time is when it really counts, Rei-chan," he says, tossing that tissue aside, too, to rest one hand on either side of Rei's neck as he presses in close.
"Right," Rei agrees, a tiny flutter of nervousness lodging in his throat. Then Nagisa's lips are on his, and Rei's hands are on Nagisa's waist, and he realizes he has nothing to be nervous about, because they've done it a million times before and they're good at it.
Really good at it, he thinks, as Nagisa's teeth briefly graze his top lip before their tongues meet inside his mouth. Nagisa is pushing, prodding, devouring him suddenly, not allowing Rei to get the upper hand even for a second. He seals his mouth over Rei's and sucks at his tongue, bites at it, and when Rei gasps he sucks that right out of him too, until Rei feels a rush of lightheadedness and has to turn away, only for a second, only to draw a breath of air.
But Nagisa will only allow a quick respite before he's on him again, attacking Rei's mouth, and Rei responds in kind, surging up to meet him, accidentally-or-maybe-a-little-on-purpos
He focuses his attention away from Nagisa's mouth after that, on his ear and soon his neck, down to his collarbone, mouthing and sucking just like when they kiss, except this is more dangerous, he's sure, because there's the risk of someone being able to tell later. He finds he doesn't care, though, especially once Nagisa rolls them both over so Rei is on his back again and shows him the same treatment, leaving both Rei's lungs and his brain gasping for oxygen after only a few minutes, at which point he has to gently push Nagisa away.
"That's—let's just—" he stammers, and Nagisa doesn't need to be told twice. He beams and abruptly transforms from a crazed sex-beast into an innocent, cuddly rabbit, snuggling right up close to Rei's chest and sighing deep and slow. Rei drops a hand to Nagisa's hair and strokes a foot along his ankle and wonders if this is what having everything you want in the world feels like.
"I was right, though," Nagisa murmurs after no more than a minute or two of silence, just as Rei's beginning to decompress enough that he feels like he could drift off to sleep.
He forces himself reluctantly back toward consciousness. "Hmm?"
"Whoever you like is lucky to have you," he says, and Rei can hear the grin on his voice even before he sees it, tilted up toward him, managing to come off at the same time as both cheeky and cherubic.
Rei wants to say something but can't, too flushed and flustered to even process everything that's happened in the past twenty minutes, much less articulate a response to it. He settles for planting a kiss to Nagisa's forehead, which seems to placate Nagisa, too.
"Hey, Rei-chan," Nagisa says after another beat has passed, "do you think—"
At precisely that moment, Rei's mother's voice sounds from downstairs, startling them both.
"Rei! Nagisa-kun! Dinner's here!"
Nagisa immediately jumps up. "Yeah! Sushi!"
"Nagisa," Rei says, sitting up far more slowly, head still spinning. He can't quite fathom how Nagisa can be acting so normal right now, like the entire planet didn't just change axis under their feet.
"Hmm?" Nagisa turns and offers him a hand, which Rei takes, allowing himself to be pulled upright, close enough that their chests are nearly touching. A mischievous something sparkles in Nagisa's eyes.
"What—were you going to say?"
"Oh," Nagisa says, eyes going half-lidded and, somehow, even more dangerous. He lifts a hand to brush a little lint away from Rei's shoulder. "I was just wondering if you'd wanna start practicing some other stuff sometime."
And then, just like that, with one final flash of a grin, he's gone, out the door and down the stairs, calling out to Rei's parents, "Let's eat!", and Rei is left alone in his room on wobbly feet, struggling not to choke on his own saliva and die.
"I'm doomed," he mutters, not for the first time, but he's smiling when he bends down to grope for his glasses and, finding them, takes off, out the door and down the stairs, to catch up with Nagisa.
end