FESSHOLE LIVE TICKETS
23 Apr 2026 - Malmö Live, Malmö, Sweden
25 Apr 2026 - Bio Skandia, Stockholm, Sweden
14 May 2026 - 53Two, Manchester
18 Jun 2026 - New Adelphi Club, Hull
20 Jun 2026 - Cambridge Junction
My gilfriend doesn't know that I know, but she put an airtag in my work bag to see when i'm on my way home from work so she can tell her ex boyfriend to leave our house. Waiting for the right time to tell her that the Ring doorbell isn't broken like I said.
8 y/o daughter lost her hearing. Had to learn to sign. Struggled at first as none of her friends knew how to talk to her. One day I noticed our Labrador run to the treat cupboard after she signed "treat?" to her. In the absence of friends our dog had learned sign language for her
My husband went on a boys weekend to Prague, he hid a big box of condoms in his luggage so I broke the seal and l replaced them with a note explaining the locks would be changed when he got home and I am keeping the dog.
My six year old daughter had a My Little Pony game on her tablet. I used to login every night to do meaningless tasks so she'd have coins to spend the next day. She passed away last year and I still log on every night and I can't tell anyone as it probably sounds so stupid.
An old guy at my golf club had cancer and used to joke that he wants a hole in one before he dies. Par 3 on our course is a blind shot, I waited and ran onto the green, put his ball into the hole and ran off. He's passed now but that night was the happiest of ever seen him.
My wife doesn't know but, I drop the answer to Wordle into casual conversation each morning. I like to think this subliminally helps her in the very competitive daily Wordle competition she has with her work colleagues. She's now winning.
My neighbours are too low income to afford a wifi connection, and too proud to use mine. So I renamed mine Free Council Wifi and told them I had read about it and what the password was. My neighbour is now halfway through an online college qualification and I'm so proud of her.
My boyfriends been cheating, so I joined a dating site found it on there and been catfishing him. He's due to meet the other me in a bar in 10 mins blissfully unaware I'm there with a suitcase of his clothes whilst my dad's changing our locks.
While fighting, one of my children broke a window and 20 years later they still haven't confessed who did it. They don't know I have video from a security camera and I'm planning to reveal it in the perpetrator's wedding.
Retired vet. Whenever someone brought in a perfectly healthy animal to be put to sleep, I always encouraged it to be done privately in their absence. If they agreed, I secretly sent the animal to some friends who run a rehoming centre. Still charged for the "euthanasia".
My son's school sports day has a parent race every year. Last year I came second to a twat who gave me a smug look after the race. Since then I've been training twice a week to get faster and this year I absolutely thrashed him. Worth it.
Found the girl my boyfriend cheated on me with on Facebook. Turned out she still lived at home with her mum. Joined her mum's bookclub. Just so that I could be there when the girl came home with my ex.