Black <3

torn_doll — Sun, 20 Feb 2005 01:14:49 GMT

What the hell is my problem?

As I look back on this journal, I realise that I've changed so much. I'm not immature, I don't have a "napoleon complex", and I realise that I'm still un-important. Fuck man. I'll guess I'll leave this open. But to be honest, I'm a tid bit embarassed.

torn_doll — Sat, 05 Jun 2004 18:29:12 GMT

What is your name?: Jazmine
Are you named after anyone?: I dunno
What's your screename?: evilcarebearr
Would you name a child of yours after you?: i'm not having kids
If you were born a member of the opposite sex what would your name be?: Uh..um..Ryan, maybe?
If you could switch names with a friend who would it be?: Um..I don't know.
Are there any mispronounciations/typos that ppl do w/ your name constantly?: yes. yasmin or jasmin or jasmine.
Would you drop your last name if you became famous?: I'd change my name completely

Basics

Your gender:: female
Straight/Gay/Bi:: straight
Single?: yes
If not, do you want to be?:
Birthdate:: 8/23/91
Your age:: 12
Age you act:: 12, sometimes older, sometimes younger
Age you wish you were:: 23
Your height:: 5'5, last time I measured in gym
Eye color:: brown, dark.
Happy with it?: No.
Hair color:: brown, dark.
Happy with it?: no. I want RED hair.
Lefty/righty/ambidextrous:: ambidextrous
Your living arrangement:: a home
Your family:: 5 people
Have any pets?: yea
Whats your job?: none
Piercings?: ears
Tattoos?: no
Obsessions?: yeah, elijah wood. But shh..
Addictions?: i'd rather not say.
Do you speak another language?: jibberish.
Have a favorite quote?: STFU.
Do you have a webpage?: yes
Deep Thoughts About Life and You in it?: Uh, sure..
Do you live in the moment?: Sometimes
Do you consider yourself tolerant of others?: Ya
Do you have any secrets?: A lot
Do you hate yourself?: yes
Do you like your handwriting?: NO
Do you have any bad habits?: temper.
What is the compliment you get from most people?: "Your a GOOD writer.."
If a movie was made about your life, what would it be called?: "reves casses"
What's your biggest fear?: dying an old lady with 20 cats. o.o
Can you sing?: I don't know..I'm good, but not that good.
Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool?: A few times(See post below.)
Are you a loner?: Kinda
What are your #1 priorities in life?: Friends
If you were another person, would you be friends with you?: No
Are you a daredevil?: Sort of.
Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself?: Eh, alot of things.
Are you passive or agressive?: Agressive.
Do you have a journal?: other then this one? Yeah.
What is your greatest strength and weakness?: I'm a strong person, or so people tell me. Weakness is falling for people too soon.
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?: Uh..my weight, height, hair(I hate curly hair. XD)
Do you think you are emotionally strong?: Yeah
Is there anything you regret doing/not doing in life?: Yeah
Do you think life has been good so far?: Life has been a bitch.
What is the most important lesson you've learned from life?: No one gives a shit about you.
What do you like the most about your body?: Um..
And least?: Everything
Do you think you are good looking?: No
Are you confident?: I can be. Then again, it's mostly cocky-ness
What is the fictional character you are most like?: Well..I asked three people and they said 1. Matilda 2. Harry potter (Wtf?) and 3. Pippin (lord of the rings.)
Are you perceived wrongly?: yeah

Do You...

Smoke?: no
Do drugs?: no
Read the newspaper?: no
Pray?: no
Go to church?: no
Talk to strangers who IM you?: No, their usually creepy old guys..
Sleep with stuffed animals?: no
Take walks in the rain?: not yet
Talk to people even though you hate them?: My sister.
Drive?: Nope
Like to drive fast?: no

Would or Have You Ever?

Liked your voice?: no
Hurt yourself?: all the time
Been out of the country?: no
Eaten something that made other people sick?: ya
Been in love?: I've been in love with people who don't love me back.
Done drugs?: no
Gone skinny dipping?: In the shower. ;)
Had a medical emergency?: no
Had surgery?: no
Ran away from home?: not yet.
Played strip poker?: yeah. But..we stopped, because no one would get naked. So, yeah.
Gotten beaten up?: no
Beaten someone up?: yeah
Been picked on?: ya
Been on stage?: yeah
Slept outdoors?: nope
Thought about suicide?: constantly.
Pulled an all nighter?: I've stayed up until 5/6 ish. If that counts as an all nighter
If yes, what is your record?:
Gone one day without food?: 2 days.
Talked on the phone all night?: no
Slept together with the opposite sex w/o actually having sex?: no
Slept all day?: yes
Killed someone?: On Doom. XD
Made out with a stranger?: no
Had sex with a stranger?: i'll never
Thought you're going crazy?: yeah!
Kissed the same sex?: no
Done anything sexual with the same sex?: no
Been betrayed?: ya
Had a dream that came true?: no. dreams don't come true..
Broken the law?: yes
Met a famous person?: Mandy Moore. Hey, I was 8 and she was the sweetest girl.
Have you ever killed an animal by accident?: No.
On purpose?: Ya. A cocroach
Told a secret you swore you wouldn't tell?: no
Stolen anything?: yeah
Been on radio/tv?: no
Been in a mosh-pit?: no
Had a nervous breakdown?: no
Bungee jumped?: no
Had a dream that kept coming back?: no

Beliefs

Belive in life on other planets?: ya
Miracles?: no
Astrology?: kinda
Magic?: ya
God?: eh..I don't know.
Satan?: eh..I don't know.
Santa?: YES!!! just kidding.
Ghosts?: ya
Luck?: ya
Love at first sight?: yep
Yin and yang (that good cant exist w/o bad)?: yea
Witches?: wicca? ya
Easter bunny?: YESSSS! just kidding.
Believe its possible to remain faithful forever?: no
Believe theres a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow?: No, I believe Richard Simmons is on the other end of the rainbow in tight shorts. Eww.
Do you wish on stars?: No.

Deep Theological Questions

Do you believe in the traditional view of Heaven and Hell?: no
Do you think God has a gender?: She does, if she exist.
Do you believe in organized religion?: kinda.
Where do you think we go when we die?: the next life/ nirvana.

Friends

Do you have any gay/lesbian friends?: yea
Who is your best friend?: Jonathan or Tina.
Who's the one person that knows most about you?: Jonathan
What's the best advice that anyone has ever given to you?: Not everyone is going to like you.
Your favourite inside joke?: "He makes justin look like a monster!"
Thing you're picked on most about?: my weight/looks
Who's your longest known friend?: Jonathan
Newest?: Ariel
Shyest?: Hm..Sarah..maybe..I don't know.
Funniest?: Camille and Heather
Sweetest?: Sarah, Ariel, Jackie, Camille, and Heather
Closest?: Jonathan
Weirdest?: I don't know if i'd concider conrad a friend. But he's really weird.
Smartest?: All of my friends are smart. :p
Ditziest?: Heather
Friends you miss being close to the most?: TINA!
Last person you talked to online?: Someone on this message board.
Who do you talk to most online?: Jonathan. We could go on forever talking.
Who are you on the phone with most?: I hardly ever use the phone.
Who do you trust most?: Everyone
Who listens to your problems?: The friends that live here and not in South Florida.
Who do you fight most with?: Jonathan
Who's the nicest?: Their all really nice
Who's the most outgoing?: Ariel
Who's the best singer?: Jackie
Who's on your shit-list?: What's a shit list. -Feels stupid-
Have you ever thought of having sex with a friend?: No.
Who's your second family?: Megan and Molly
Do you always feel understood?: no
Who's the loudest friend?: Um..I don't know.
Do you trust others easily?: Ya
Who's house were you last at?: Sarahs.
Name one person who's arms you feel safe in:: Uh..
Do your friends know you?: Kinda.
Friend that lives farthest away:: Tina

Love and All That

Do you consider love a mistake?: ya
What do you find romantic?: Kissing really slowly. Aah..
Turn-on?: Guys who are smart and who like the Ramones. And who play instruments.
Turn-off?: ignorance
First kiss?: Um..yeah..sure.
If someone u had no interest in had interest in dating u how would u feel?: flattered
Do you prefer knowing someone before dating them or no?: yes
Have u ever wished it was more socially acceptable 4 a girl 2 ask a guy out: Yeah
Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractive?: yes
Do you think the opposite sex finds you good looking?: No, probably not.
What is best about the opposite sex?: their funny.
What is the worst thing about the opposite sex?: guys are assholes.
What's the last present someone gave you?: I don't get presents.
Are you in love?: No
Do you consider your significant other hot?: ?

Who Was the Last Person...

That haunted you?: Um..
You wanted to kill?: Tabitha
That you laughed at?: My sister
That laughed at you?: My brother
That turned you on?: o.O
You went shopping with?: Megan and Molly
That broke your heart?: Lee.
To disappoint you?: Parents
To ask you out?: ...
To make you cry?: Sister. She is so cruel.
To brighten up your day?: Sister. Ha, isn't it ironic.
That you thought about?: Depends how.
You saw a movie with?: Sarah
You talked to on the phone?: Sarah
You talked to through IM/ICQ?: Hmm..Ariel I think.
You saw?: My sister.
You lost?: Eh..

Right This Moment...

Are you going out?: no
Will it be with your significant other?
Or some random person?:
What are you wearing right now?: fishnet shirt, levis.
Body part you're touching right now:: arm
What are you worried about right now?: my computer exploding.
What book are you reading?: n/a
What's on your mousepad?: bugs bunny
Use 5 words to describe how you're feeling:: bored, tired, cranky, mad, and crushed.
Are you bored?: yes
Are you tired?: ya
Are you talking to anyone online?:no
Are you talking to anyone on the phone?: no
Are you lonely or content?: lonely?
Are you listening to music?: no

PHEW FINALLY DONE!

torn_doll — Wed, 02 Jun 2004 08:53:31 GMT

Oh jesh. I told my sister that I never have conversastions to post in my L/J. Now I do. I posted in this guys L/J and I lied to him when he IMed me. I told him I go to SCHS and i'm in 11th grade. The only reason I lied to him is because I like him and i'm going to tell him im a pathetic 12 year old that goes to NMS? Please. Not great for first impressions.

torn_doll — Thu, 27 May 2004 20:39:45 GMT

So yeah..Today sucked. My parents just told me that i'm moving because of some stupid kids. It's retarted.
I went to Rack Room Shoes with my brother. We were going to go to the batting cages but we stood out. We're in Jeans and t-shirts while everyone else is in baseball clothes. I didn't really do much. Tommorrow is Sarah's Sleepover. Can't wait, my family is driving me crazy.

I'm a loser.

I love this song.

torn_doll — Sun, 23 May 2004 18:18:24 GMT

Free- Maria Mena

I`ve been walking around all day, thinking
I think i have a problem, I think I think too much
I`ve been tought to hold back my tears and avoid them
but you`ve made pain into something I could touch

I`ve been walking around all day, laughing
Think I`d be better off without you here
And I bet you are sweet and hard to get over
So I`ll cry and people will stop and stare
now thats ok, let them stop and stare...

coz I am fragile
I am hopeless
I´m not perfect
but I am free...

I`ve been walking around all day, waiting
and waiting is all I seem to do
´cause I never get it unless I`m fed it
but this time I´ll just have to
yeah this time I´ll just have to...

Say you´re not around... am I finished?
If you`re not around that´s too bad
Hope you´re safe and sound, not alone now
´cause you know I belive in you...

Sorry, just had to share. Anyways, I took some pictures and posted them on the Board I go to, they said they were "good."
Who knows, maybe I do have a thing for photography. People have also told me i'm a good writer, but I don't believe them. Maybe because I have little self confidence in myself. I always think i'm never good enough. That's something i have to work on.
-_Jazmine_-

torn_doll — Thu, 20 May 2004 19:53:34 GMT

Three more days until school ends. :D Then comes summer.
Oh, boring summer. Sleeping all day, until 2, then running around outside, then going to bed at 5 a.m.
The joys of summer.
Actually, I was thinking of going to the AIDS camp with Jackie. I really want to go- if only my parents would let me. Mom thinks AIDS is the homosexual disease, and i don't think she wants it to 'rub off' on me. Whatever. Bobby's in my class, how's that for rubbing off?
Anyways, about the camp, she said it's for three days, they go to the camp and they do fun things. Not much information on it. www.friendstogether.org I think. Ooh i want to go SO BAD!
And, I'm going into Mr. Lessings room on Tuesday. I need to get pictures of people, and that's the only way ima see them because for lunch there is going to be a team picnic *Oh yeah!* with pizza. :P
Yummy.. Pizza.
It's late, i'm tired. Good night.

To Tabitha..

torn_doll — Wed, 19 May 2004 14:35:44 GMT

Tabitha,
Honestly, I don't see what your problem is. At first, yelling at you was funny, but now it's so old. Thanks for all the knee-slapping laughs. Just a word of advice: Don't bite off more than you can chew. Now, I’m going to be mature and end it now, because it's just annoying. I can't write in my journal if your stalking it. But anyways, don't bite off more than you can chew, because not only do you choke, you also get a bad reputation. When you said you were going to fight me, I was ready. The fact that you never came is not only sickening at the fact that you wasted my time and energy, but just makes you look scared and vulnerable to other people who know that if you talk and you can't back it up is the perfect target for bullies. Because of this immature fight, I'm left with a referral and a bad reputation, according to Miss Booth. I’m not one to care what people think of me, but if I ever get called back down to the office then she’ll wont believe me as much.
Well, that is all. Adios.

torn_doll — Mon, 17 May 2004 13:16:39 GMT

I'm thinking of blocking annoymous people from replying to my comments. Especially tabitha, they are annoying. I didn't know turtles could type. Or scared pussies for that matter.
Tabthia..if you have aol/aim, IM me under my name, instead of writing stupid comments in my l/j.
<3 ya. Not. Eww.

@%&$&!!

torn_doll — Tue, 11 May 2004 11:12:48 GMT

OH MY GOD. Tabitha is an evil bitch! I wrote a note to her saying that she didn't show up and she FREGGIN SHOWED IT TO THE OFFICE! NOW I HAVE ONE REFFEARL UNTIL I GET SUSPENDED!! ><
She'll probably act all innocent, when damn well she did half of the shit she'll deny! Just look at past comments, she said she was going too, she could of said no. MY GOD IF I EVER SEE HER IN THE STREET I'LL BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF HER AND MAKE HER TERRIFIED TO EVEN LOOK AT ME!

So hard

torn_doll — Fri, 07 May 2004 08:12:33 GMT

Oh yeah.
Tabitha didn't show up. Ahaha..what a scared pussy.
Hopefully Adaam gave her the note, probably not, he'll probably show it to Mr. Lessing.
Oh yeah, we're allowed back into his room. :D

Stupid band saw.

torn_doll — Thu, 06 May 2004 13:45:46 GMT

In technology class, I cut my finger with the band saw.
Ouch.
It still hurts, after I put the stupid butterfly wrap thing on it.
Not much happened today, my sister is at her psycatrist(sp?) appointment so i'm at home, bored out of my fucking mind. I'm so happy that i left home, I didn't do my geography homework.
Oh well, Mr. Ferraro likes me anyways.

I'm going to go now.

It's quite funny.

torn_doll — Thu, 06 May 2004 03:47:56 GMT

It's funny how some people have to find you lj and write things in it.
How did you find it anyways, Tabitha, hmm?

Grr

torn_doll — Tue, 04 May 2004 04:59:11 GMT

I don't like Tabitha. I'm so glad that Skye told her something. She told us (Stephanie, Christine, Me, Skye, and Jennifer) to stop talking about her and Adam Proceniuer totally making out, (which, they SO did) and that made me mad. Why'd she go and disrespect us?

Damn it

torn_doll — Fri, 30 Apr 2004 04:25:50 GMT

Forget telling Adam off. Not going to do it.
Mr. Lessing there. So is Tabathia.
I'll fight her instead.

I hate Adamm!

torn_doll — Thu, 29 Apr 2004 10:19:03 GMT

I hate Adam.

I always go to Mr. Lessings room, so this morning, Him and this Tabitha girl said that I can't come in because i'm an adventurer (whatever, like I believe that.) and not a Mariner. So I brushed it off and went to the gym with Brittnay. Then I came back and hung out with Christine in front of Mr. Lessings portable in this big group of people. Since we can't come in because we're not "Mariners." I went in anyways, saying "Oh, I don't care about Mr. Lessing! He can kiss my ass!"
And he told.
Now i'm not talking to him. and I might tell him off someday! TOMORROW!

Sopranos V. Altos..

torn_doll — Thu, 22 Apr 2004 07:44:38 GMT

Today, just a few minutes ago, I tried out for a solo in the Beatles Melody we're singing in chorus. All the parts were higher than Paul McCartney sings them on CD. I can sing along to him and not the piano. That's not fair. Every single part that I try out for is a soprano part. I can't go that high. And, we're never loud enough. If the soprano's do something wrong, the alto's are always to blame. "Oh, altos, your flat." Or, "Oh altos, your not loud enough." Well i'm sorry if I can't sing that loud! GRRRRR

torn_doll — Sat, 17 Apr 2004 17:05:05 GMT

Ahh. No.

Not taken seriously

torn_doll — Fri, 16 Apr 2004 17:06:20 GMT

I feel like i'm not being taken seriously. Like today, for instance. I was sitting on the couch and I'm like "Oh yeah I want to have sex haha just kididng" and then i'm ambushed by my sister and this Zellar dude. Their all like, "Oh that shit shouldn't even be on your mind" And later, I asked if I Tiffany could get off the phone so I could go on and she takes 10 minutes just to say a fucking word. This Chance dude just wants to get into her pants-I know it. Then she says "Oh you wanna fight huh? What your gonna cry now!?!?!!?!" Then makes immature crying noises. And god, she calls me immature- she's the one making fucking baby noises. I don't think people take me seriously because of my age. I act more mature then most 13 year olds, yet because of my physical age i'm attacked. It's not fair, y'know? This really ticks me off, because I can't be myself without being taking seriously. People think that because of my age i'm stupid without even wanting to talk to me. I hate that. Their two stupid numbers- 1 and 3. 1 and 3! Numbers don't determine anything. Maybe that's why i've been cutting myself. I want to do it again but my mom made my brother hide all the razors...because of my fucking sister! Now she cuts- copying me. I bet you she thinks it's "cool." I have to blackmail her somehow- some cut that they haven't seen. I mean, she was raped over a year ago and she didn't cut until now. Does she expect sympathy for her cutting? Their tons of people who were raped and didn't cut.

Oh, gotta go, Yankees V. Red Soxs.

-Jazmine

Hey

torn_doll — Thu, 08 Apr 2004 10:15:40 GMT

Hey, I'm in school now. I'm waiting for my friend Sarah to call me down to the office. You see, my friend Anna had "happy sticks" (If you don't know what they are, you don't diserve to have it explained to you.) I told Sarah to tell Mrs. McCurdy, so maybe she'll call me down, because Anna told me that she had Happy Sticks. But I don't want her to stop being my friend and all..

torn_doll — Thu, 01 Apr 2004 10:13:52 GMT

Here i am..bored as ever in the library. Class gets out in 1 hour. I don't want to go back to miss bonner's, being a t.a. sucks ><. Err..what to do

torn_doll — Thu, 01 Apr 2004 10:08:29 GMT

I saw the scars on my sister's arms. God, what an idiot she is. Doesn't she know she can-wait, will- get scars? Well, I'm thinking of starting up again, i don't know why. I have a sudden urge..I need something..sharp..

Spring break

torn_doll — Fri, 26 Mar 2004 22:34:23 GMT

Well, Spring Break is offically over. What did I do? Nothing! Nothing at all. I just feel like I've been wasting these past few months by not leaving the house, having a fear that someone might judge me. Maybe that's why I'm so constantly glued to this god damned computer.
My "gut" feeling is that I don't want to go back to school, my head can already feel the pain. With Science fair and Mr. Ferraro's test- shit, that reminds me to study. I have so much on my plate and i'm still stuck on the appetizer.

Oh, by the way, I bought my first beatles CD.

Gotta go, bye.

Heeeeeeeeeeeeey

torn_doll — Wed, 17 Mar 2004 04:17:44 GMT

Heeeeeeeeeeeeey, Sup?
Today is field day. How immature is that? We're still having field days in 7th grade. I think thats very immature, but thats just me. I'm in the shotput, my last score (last year) was 18.??.
I'm in the library right now, Conrad's brother is here. Conrad's brother sounds nothing like him, no british accent, how weird is that?
Gotta go before someone catches me.

FEMMIE!

torn_doll — Thu, 11 Mar 2004 13:28:04 GMT

I'm getting there. I don't suck, but I've got a ways to go.

A thing

torn_doll — Thu, 11 Mar 2004 04:18:11 GMT

This may seem so weird. But, I think i'm "devolping" a thing for Hunter. If sarah heard this she would freak out, but I kinda am. I dunno, I guess it's because he is funny and what not. But I can't help but like him. Not like he's gonna like me anyways. OH and Elijah wood was on Jay Leno last night, funny funny. "I want my porn and chocolate" Hehe, that's what he said.