Writing Poop

your watermelon candy mouth

2009-07-12T00:43:43Z

allelujah gave me some writing prompts and I'm slowly making my way through them cause I'm a terrible writer LMAO but anyway, here are three bits because I haven't posted in a good forever.

Orange

In Celestial Being, every meister is assigned a color, generally regarding the Gundam they pilot. Allelujah's color has always been orange. He never really considered things like favorite colors too often. If he had to choose, it wouldn't be orange. But then again, if he had to choose many things they would not end up the way they had. This was life. The things he did consider were varied and regarded what he thought had to do with what was necessary, most of the time. He knew what foods he liked, he knew the past was a painful concept, he knew what type of music hurt his head.

When he first received his assignment to Kyrios, he fingered his suit, noting the color and had no concept at that moment that it would become almost like a signature of his. Orange, and the color of blood and shades of grey. These were the colors that made up his palette. If he could choose, he'd see things in black and white and enjoy his ignorance. To have awareness was pain, to have pain meant, to people like himself, that you had to change something, fill the void somehow.

After his departure from Celestial Being, he doesn't wear orange again.

Falling

The few times Stein can ever remember dreaming mundane things they were disturbing almost inversely. To dream abstract was to be himself, but to do so simply was a foreign concept and was almost as though his brain had been hijacked for a night. Most of his dreams and their imagery wouldn't fit into a standard dream dictionary. Marie, in a psychology phase, bought a few books on the subject and Stein had only told her of that night's dream to quell her desires to analyze him. Stein didn't need armchair psychiatry to tell him how his brain worked. It was a vortex of oddities and complications.

Sometimes, though, Stein dreams he is falling. It never starts from a point, he falls from nothing, but he loses his footing all the same, almost falling from consciousness into sleep, because the dream starts the moment he falls asleep. The sensation is real, the wind whirling past him and everything around him is black as he falls. He doesn't attempt to grab at his surroundings or contemplate his plight. Just falls, free falls. His hands don't even outstretch to accept, he just is motionless and sometimes cannot move, locked up.

He never hits the bottom and the dream dictionary, which he picks up curiously one day out of Marie's books says a fair amount about the cliche idea, but at least one passage stresses, "Falling dreams often represent a sense of failure, inferiority in one area or circumstance of your life. It could mean a sense of shame and lack of pride. You feel unable to keep up or measure up." Others bring up the idea of deep insecurity.

He doesn't dream this often and he doesn't think he can find a pattern in its occurrences. Not believing it anyway, he puts the book back on to the pile she's accumulated on the subject of the mind and sighs, as he recalls the second paragraph that included Freudian theory regarding sexual repression. "... dreams of falling can indicate that you are contemplating giving into a sexual urge or impulse or have a lack of discretion ..." Wasn't that all Freud's theories? There isn't any stock he can find in these ideas.

Sometimes things mean nothing to him and he's tired from a life of being studied, even too much to mentally study himself. Sometimes he dreams about falling, and sometimes he dreams nothing at all, just himself staring into a black void. Sometimes he dreams of the past, just like an old man would.

It's a twisted past, and comes in pop flashes like visions from post-traumatic happening. Bad, good. Stein knows he is deeply flawed and at times revels in these imperfections in a narcissistic sort of apathy.

Sometimes he dreams things he hopes are false.

Shut Up

Nnoitra doesn't touch Neliel. He doesn't dare touch Neliel. In one regard, she's a much higher ranked Espada than himself and to casually grab her, sling her down as he wishes to do wouldn't be prudent. It'd be downright stupid and in another regard, he doesn't know what he'd do if his bare hands touched any bit of her body. He's come so close so many times. He wants to feel strange parts of her, wants to know her in ways that almost transcend violence or sexual desire. Some days he can't help himself and it's easier to raise his weapon.

But, oh, she stands there, that bitch, and he can't even remember seconds later what she said because it's all useless diatribe to him, even if it's right. He doesn't admit it's right, but she's so smug and knows she is right. In a flash he stands over her, his shadow dwarfing her figure and she doesn't flinch, and doesn't stare at him coldly but rather with surprise. His hand snakes out this once and grabs her by the mouth and her eyes don't open a fraction, blink. She seemed to know what move he'd make and anticipated it.

"Shut up!" he roars, wondering why, of these moments, he lost control. His fingers over her lips feel so good and he wants to pull her to the ground and simultaneously stomp her head bloody and move his hand and cover his mouth over hers. The feelings intertwine in a way that isn't alien.

He stares down at her and knows she's not afraid but curious and releases her. Her head leans against the wall as she looks up at him, breathes in and out.

Nnoitra stalks off before anything else is said, and tries to forget the feeling of her skin. He tells himself she's useless, it's useless, but his hand is twitching, eagerly.

What I Can't Touch

2009-07-10T10:00:42Z

Title: What I Can't Touch
Rating: PG
Pairing: Allelujah/Lockon
Warnings: Angst

When Neil walks near Allelujah Haptism he gets the buddy vibe. He wants to be his friend, come near him, touch him- he wants to be able to cheer him up. But unlike with Setsuna and Tieria and even the rest of the crew, Neil can’t touch Allelujah. He’s seen him worry and fret and there’s little he can ever do to assuage that. He sees him fall out of line slightly and all he can do is ask him to fall back into line. It’s Tieria who abrasively tells him to behave, and it’s Sumeragi who knows something about him. Neil Dylandy does not know Allelujah Haptism.

But he still walks beside him with the idea. It’s captivating, if anything. People fall into his hands like putty and he takes them into himself and he is happy- he is able to cheer people up and help them get motivated. He is able to make a difference in their hearts…and doesn’t that matter? He’s able to ease the suffering of Feldt when she feels lonely; he’s able to wipe that grumpy smirk off of Tieria’s face, and he’s even able to make Setsuna open up just a little.

But Allelujah is an enigma.

Beneath Allelujah’s core there is a man Neil Dylandy doesn’t know- one that’s stricken with grief and hatred and wants and desires that he’d squashed under toe. There is a first love he assumes to be dead and another personality that torments him, and more than anything there is suffering. Neil Dylandy looks at Allelujah as Neil Dylandy, as Lockon Stratos, and as a man and he can only capture the insignificant details in his face. His darkest secrets are known by the other meisters and Allelujah’s darker secrets are known to two other people- but Neil Dylandy doesn’t know.

There is an unquenchable thirst Neil feels when he sees Allelujah. His thirst is one that is not quite the same as his desire to understand anyone else, simply because it is something he knows he can never grasp. He envies the person who might be able to get under his skin, break him apart and dissect him until they can hold his hand and tell them that he is a good person. Neil Dylandy can only look at Allelujah Haptism and wish that he could touch him, outstretch his hand as a friend…

Neil wonders if he wants to see the same spark in Allelujah’s eyes as he does in Tieria’s, in Feldt’s. He wonders if he wants to make a difference in Allelujah’s heart.

But Allelujah Haptism is a man beyond his comprehension. In his mind he will always be reaching for that single motion, that single movement that will pull Allelujah into him and make him another person he has changed, but someone with more meaning. He wants to be the best friend- but Neil wonders if somewhere there is something inside Allelujah he’d want more of.

But even Allelujah realizes it’s just a passing feeling as they glide by each other in the hallways of the Ptolemy, it’s just a desire to look deeper into someone who will always be untouchable. Allelujah greets him with a smile and waves and Neil simply flies by with a cheerful greeting. The desire passes once they are no longer in eye shot and Neil laughs as he realizes Allelujah doesn’t even know the name Neil Dylandy. He doesn’t even know if Allelujah’s name is an alias- it probably is.

“That Allelujah,” he laughed to himself, “He sure is an enigma. But he can take care of himself.” That’s right, beneath it all- Allelujah got up in the morning without his help. How did you help a man, change a man, who wouldn’t cry or bleed to anyone but himself.

When Lockon dies, Allelujah mourns Lockon Stratos. Tieria mourns the entire man and Feldt weeps for him- and Setsuna shrieks with despair. Allelujah stays still in time and the intangible feeling passes through his gut for the final time-

And Allelujah silently mourns that he can never understand the man who so casually passed him by for the last time.

Hope

2009-06-30T06:19:29Z

Title: Hope
Rating: PGish
Pairing: Allelujah/Marie
Warnings: Fluff

05 Hope

Hope had come sparingly to Allelujah. When he had been in the Super Soldier facility he felt it a lot. Even in a bleak and dismal place like that there were still smiles between him and someone he cared about. Looking at it now it had been a childish dream to have hope in such a place. That hope had been crushed when he had to kill his brethren simply to survive. Not only that, but he lost the one person who brought him the most hope he’d ever known.

Since then, it was not hope that sustained him. It was his other self, dragging him through the mud and killing when he could not. Sometimes it was he himself crawling through the mud. There he would find glimpses of anger and regret and know that he was probably a monster, probably someone not deserving of life. He could only curse the world and demand that it answer for everything. Yet there were only curses and hatred to be had as he did this, soaking his hands in more blood than he could ever atone for.

Where was hope?

In every inch of his body he felt it now. He felt it as it crept through every crevice and every thought and he knew that she was hope. He sat alone in the dark for year after year and every breath he took uttered how unfair it was that Marie was alive and he’d tried to kill her. Yet the moment he’d been liberated there was purpose. Her existence made it relevant to survive, her happiness made it relevant to stay by her side. He’d yelled, whispered, moaned, and breathed out her name in every fashion and yet with every moment there was a new burst of hope because she was alive. When she fell against him after seeing him for the first time, as Marie, in 14 years, when she sympathized with his pain and forgave him rather than hated him as he feared she would, and when he breathlessly took her hand and their lips met- there was hope. There was meaning in everything he did. He knew then, it was perhaps the only thing he was sure of-

Marie was hope.

Devil

2009-06-30T06:14:20Z

Title: Devil
Rating: PGish
Pairing: Allelujah/Marie
Warnings: Complete fluff

04 Devil

There had been a time in his life when Allelujah was never alone...in a sense. As much as he would’ve liked to quietly slip into his thoughts there was always the fear that the wrong thought would trigger the unkind words of his other self. If he harped too strongly on the mistakes he made his other self would cackle or chastise him. If he had the wrong thought Hallelujah might simply chide in. He usually found himself in a state of silent angst. He could never move on from the pain he’d suffered through because of his guilt and his fear of even attempting to reconcile with his emotions. If he did, Hallelujah might simply intervene.

Allelujah hadn’t thought about the idea that being in the presence of someone emotionally was a good thing. Typically he’d learned to keep to himself and rarely open up. Friends and comrades were one thing, but in the solitude of his room or his apartment he could only find it chilling that his personal demon would be there all the time. There was nothing he could do to combat this.

Suddenly one day there was silence.

Allelujah had muttered the word “Hallelujah…” four years ago, and it had been a terrifying yet liberating experience. There was nothing to fear and yet there was also the worrying idea that he would be useless without Hallelujah. His demon was dead, and so was his company. There was no one there in the deep and empty reaches of space. He had spent 4 years alone pondering rotting away for the simple sake of his crimes.

But there in the silence Allelujah learned the one thing greater than fear was a reason for fighting. There was something stronger than guilt or hatred, and it was the undying wish to bring someone he loved happiness. Even without a voice in his head the ever present echo was that of his desire to save Marie, to protect her from being used- and to give her happiness. With his personal demon gone he was finally free to see that there was something to continue to live for.

But what surprised Allelujah is when four years after his demon has disappeared he reappeared and simply reached into the depths of Allelujah’s mind and uttered the same notion Allelujah had believed in ever since he’d been freed from the facility- “Focus on Marie.” His demon with a twisted smile and sinister laugh combined with him for true sentience, true perseverance. In the perpetuating silence he had learned a reason to live, and in the moment the silence was broken demon and human combined into one entity, who’s only reason was to protect what he loved.

house

2009-06-30T06:01:43Z

Title: House
Rating: PGish
Pairing: Allelujah/Marie
Warnings: Complete fluff

O3 – House

When they’d had their first house, the kind of thing that wasn’t fancy so their limited funds could supply it, they had marveled at it with curiosity. Despite apartments and the Ptolemy on Allelujah’s part and Sergei’s house on Marie’s there had never been a solidified form of home for them. So despite the fact that their house wasn’t impressive in the least, it had meant more to them than a lot of things. It had been the best kind of comfort they’d been denied for a long time.

There had been a place where they were meant to be.

They had left that house after awhile. In their lives they’d realized there had never been a real meaning yet. There had been small nuances of happiness but there had never been the true meaning they’d left their friends to find. But when they left that house they took each other’s hands and looked at the other with a smile. There was a small recognizable feeling of belonging there in the warmth of the other’s hands.

They knew then that as long as the other was with them there was always a place to belong.

Remember....

2009-06-30T05:58:41Z

Title: Remember
Rating: PGish
Pairing: Allelujah/Marie
Warnings: Complete and utter fluff

02 Remember

There would be nights in the past where Allelujah would wake with sweat covering his body and guilt wracking his conscience. The echo of his other self would sometimes greet him. Sometimes there would be nothing. Allelujah had lost himself in the guilt and pain he felt for his mistakes. It was so much so that he could seldom return to sleep after having those nightmares. It was bad enough to remember every day. It was another story to not even escape his conscience in his sleep. Even more unsettling was the ever present realization that Allelujah was alone aside from his hellish other self. He had killed everyone important to him, abandoned the rest, and had led himself to a life where his sole purpose was to make the world answer for it.

It was almost as if that sole memory had been enough to define him completely.

Before Allelujah had been captured he’d regained a momentary wish to live. The desire had soon fled him and he’d found himself in a pointless existence. He had found a family in the form of the Ptolemy, but the only thing that filled his thoughts was Marie. With those thoughts came the constant reminder of how he left her behind and what transpired afterward. Being held in captivity only forced a silence on Allelujah that made him think even more. It didn’t help that his other self’s constant presence, while certainly not wanted the majority of the time, had come abruptly and thus been hard to adjust to. He couldn’t enjoy his freedom and solitude of mind in an empty silent hell like this.

Still, there was something about the memory of Marie that graced him with comfort.

When Allelujah woke that night from a memory he was covered in sweat. It had been a year since he’d been in captivity and a year since he’d woken up from those dreams. He tried to catch his breath as he looked at the ceiling and half expected a voice to greet him- half expected there to be a silence that took him over. Instead there was just a hand that suddenly put itself on his arm. He looked to the side with a start and saw a woman with long silver white hair and it took him a moment to register that he was not in an apartment where he spent his days off or in an empty quiet room where he was bound to a chair. He was with Marie. And for once his voice didn’t escape him, fear didn’t consume him, and there was a small feeling of relief as he awoke as opposed to the ever present hatred of himself.

“Are you all right Allelujah?” He looked to her and saw the blanket at her waist, her chest bare to him, and he smiled at her. He pulled her into an embrace. “Yes, Marie. I’m fine…” Unlike before, Allelujah had better days to remember.

He held Marie in his arms and felt the lingering feeling of the desire to live and protect wash over him.

Merry

2009-06-26T01:08:27Z

Part of a series of 90 drabbles written for a drabble challenge. All drabbles will be Allelujah/Marie fit to the select prompt.

Prompt 1: Merry

The word “merry” had always been too vibrant for Allelujah. He had never described a picture he was in as merry, and he’d never been in any situation where he could describe the situation as “merry”. The word was almost too happy for him. He’d gained a family, friends, and the small but present desire to continue living. Yet words that seemed that happy, almost cheesy, seemed far too different from the person Allelujah was.

The word merry reminded him of Marie. On his days off four years before he’d been reunited with Marie he would walk around with little more mindset than to relax and exist. He recalled he had once ended up in his apartment watching an old holiday movie that was campy and cheerful and in it the word had been said many times. He had accepted Marie was long since gone at that point, but it still made his stomach clench. He remembered days that were uncharacteristically cheerful of a tortured child- ones in which he’d read books and laughed and smiled. Those were feelings he hadn’t felt in a long time. That was a happiness which was true and simple.

It had been a long time since those campy movies, or since he had been a child. It had been about 5 years since he’d sat alone in an apartment. Now he was sitting under a blanket watching movies on television again. He didn’t know what they were about- but they looked a lot newer. He remembered those old movies and watched the tv with a curiosity that didn’t pertain at all to the plot or the characters. “Allelujah?” A voice had suddenly interrupted his train of thought. He looked up and saw Marie standing beside him. She sat down beside him with a drink for him and then looked at the TV. “Is it any good? You seemed caught up in it.” He took the drink and then looked back at the TV. “To be honest, I haven’t been paying much attention.” Marie pulled up the blanket and put it around herself. She leisurely put her head on his shoulder and looked at the TV. “Well- let’s see if it’s any good then.” He smiled. “Alright.”

Within moments Marie was laughing under her breath. He fought back a smile himself as he turned his head to look at her. “What is it?” She looked at him. “This movie…it’s so cheesy…” Allelujah looked to the screen for a moment. Out of nowhere he began to laugh lightly at it. It was incredibly cheesy and even worse than the campy films he’d seen years ago in passing. The room filled with a soft laughter and he could feel a fond feeling swell in his chest. He remembered the unfitting happiness in his childhood. For a moment he felt as if happiness was not unfitting of this grown Allelujah, who lived in rooms that echoed laughter, bedrooms that enticed pleasure and days that were filled with complete and true love.

On the screen the cheesy movie they’d watched came to its conclusion, with all the characters happily and cheerfully smiling. The main character he walked away with his family. As he smiled at the rest of the cast, his words were simple yet meaningful, “Have a Merry Christmas!” And in the movie filled with vivid colors there was not even half the happiness to equate the joy of Allelujah and Marie’s happy, joyful, loving, and merry home.

human

2009-05-04T21:40:06Z

Title: Human
Rating: PGish
Pairing: Allelujah/Marie
Warnings: Complete and utter fluff- kidfic

Marie sat on her couch in dismay- on her lap sat an infant of only 6 months. The infant was currently crying and all Marie knew how to do was feed it and burp it. She sighed as she tried to think of what might be the issue- was it the limited scope of what she knew how to do or was it something else? Maybe she needed a diaper change, Marie thought, and so she checked. She was not successful- her infant child was completely dry and completely full and she didn’t know what to think about it.

She sat on her couch and started to rock the baby, hoping it would calm her down. “What would make you feel better?” she asked calmly. Marie’s nerves were long lasting and so were her husband’s. The baby calmed down as she was rocked in her mother’s arms and yet she still had tears streaming from her eyes. “Marie,” a voice called from the other room. “You’ve been working so hard- you should eat something and let me take care of her.”

Marie smiled and sighed, “Thank you Allelujah, but ...It’s all right “ Marie looked up at Allelujah and he smiled. “Though, maybe you just want to hold her too, right? Maybe I’m being a little selfish. “ Allelujah shook his head and sat down beside her. “No, I understand. Though, I wonder what the problem could be?” Marie shook her head, “I don’t know, I did everything those books said…” Allelujah laughed a little, “Well, one more good reason we threw them out then.”

“I suppose so,” she laughed lightheartedly. She felt rather in the dark…she never had a childhood to critique things on. How was she supposed to know what babies like? Allelujah was even more in the dark, he didn’t even remember his original name, nonetheless did he know what babies liked. “Maybe..it’s just the only thing she can do at this point?” Allelujah mused. “She can barely speak afterall.” Marie looked at the baby and smiled, “Perhaps you’re right….still, I feel a little guilty,” she sighed, “Not knowing how to make her stop crying.”

Allelujah took the infant from her and smiled, “Don’t feel that way…I barely know what to do. If anything, I’m only good at remembering what a bunch of books say…” He put the baby on his knee and started to bounce her a little, trying to see if maybe she was just bored and wanted attention. The baby calmed down a little more, it’s cry becoming separated sobs that slowly started to subside. “No,” Marie said with a smile at him. “I think it’s just your fatherly instincts.” Allelujah looked at her with a flattered look, his cheeks were red and it was obvious something like that…was a huge compliment to him.

After all...he had been a soldier. A man who was meant to kill people. That he hadn’t been stripped of something that made him human, gentle, it was a huge compliment to him. He looked back at the little girl on his leg and smiled, “Do you really think so, Marie?” Marie nodded and then leaned her head against his shoulder. “I do…I never really had a father except for the colonel, …but I feel like that’s how you are, you’re…a really good dad, Allelujah.” Marie had a blush across her face as she said it, the idea that she knew such a concept in general made her feel a little better too. “Marie, you deserve the same compliment. You really devote yourself to her a lot…you’re…a good mother.” Marie shut her eyes and turned red, trying to hide the small excitement that put inside of her.

“Really, Allelujah?”

Their baby was laughing. They didn’t know a lot about their baby or how to make it happy, it was hard sometimes and they thought they weren’t fit to be parents. But it was a reassuring gesture to see her laugh after she’d cried- to be able to feel accepted by someone born into this world without the notion of killing or the idea of hurting people- unless you counted pulling hair.

For once in their lives there was a direction in their minds- there on the couch with each other and with their baby. It was a kind of pride they’d never be able to imitate.
It was the undeniable feeling of…humanity.

Waking Up

2009-05-04T21:36:35Z

Title: Waking Up
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Allelujah/Marie
Warnings: Spoilers, Mentions of sex, Fluff

The first dream had been a simple one. She couldn’t really recall anything about life, afterall she’d been a doll to experiment on, but she remembered her name. She knew her name and a few other things and so she could somehow envision a park. Before she’d dreamed of being alone in the park, being able to run and sing and do a lot of things she couldn’t do anymore. That time she dreamed of Allelujah. He pushed her on the swing and there was a definite happiness in the air. Wasn’t that something friends would do?

It wasn’t easy to wake up to. She had never cried out to Allelujah before because she had believed he would always come, but for the first time she had wanted to cry out and ask him if he was still there. She couldn’t bring herself to do it.

The second dream had been very detailed, but it had no sound. She was 16 and she was able to walk. She could see the sky and she could walk into stores. She walked into one and she saw the figure she’d imagined Allelujah to be a few years later. He had waved to her and she smiled and sat down across from him at a table. She got something to eat and it tasted nice, but she didn’t think much of it. It was nice to have a quaint happiness with Allelujah. Wasn’t that something you did with someone you cared for?

When she woke up the dream was only a passing thought. She wasn’t Marie Parfacy anymore, she was Soma Peries. She seldom left the Super Soldier research facility, she was mostly being conditioned into perfection. She didn’t remember Allelujah, she didn’t remember herself. Somewhere deep under Soma Peries was Marie Parfacy, who again did not cry out. She knew Allelujah couldn’t hear her even if she desperately needed an answer- to know that somehow Marie Parfacy still existed.

The last dream was bright and had many vivid sounds. Allelujah’s face was so visible and clear. Half the dream was just about him and it was so nice. But the other half was Marie walking and doing things on her own and being Marie Parfacy. It made the moment she touched Allelujah feel even nicer, she was able to walk and talk and make friends and she could still see Allelujah. She kissed him and her face was red even though it was far from the first time. That was something you did with someone you loved.

When she woke up she was Marie Parfacy and she was naked. She could feel her face turning red and yet her mouth turned into a smile. Allelujah was there and he was not a dream. She opened her mouth and spoke, “Allelujah?” she questioned. A sleepy Allelujah turned to face her, “Yes, Marie?” And she smiled at him. The thought she had in mind was ‘I love you’, but she didn’t need to say it. He smiled back at her and had a red face himself, but he pulled her closer.

And she could feel a resounding echo in her body that told her time and again that she was awake, and most importantly she was Marie, and he was Allelujah- and they were there together.

better place

2009-05-04T21:30:59Z

Title: Reasoning
Chapter Title: Better Place
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Allelujah/Marie
Warnings: Spoilers, Mentions of sex, Pregnancy, Fluff
First in the Series of 7.

For a long time Marie had been thinking about it. Parenthood seemed like it was such a big deal. More than anything Marie believed that Allelujah would be a good father. He had found a form of a family and had left it behind to be with her and to find his purpose. He had been a calm and resourceful person the entire time she knew him- and she believed in him. Together they could give a child guidance in this world, couldn’t they?

Then the word ‘they’ got to her.

Marie had never had full waves of guilt like Allelujah. Sometimes when she was up at night she felt guilty for killing Hallelujah. Allelujah had been afraid of Hallelujah in a sense, it was a slight comfort to know that he had been a source of terror. Yet he was still her kind, and he was still Allelujah. She would lie in bed and feign sleep until he was long since dreaming and she would wish she could forget she had done that.

When she read the positive sign on her pregnancy test she suddenly felt guilty. She wanted to tell Allelujah and to make him happy but part of her felt so disdainful. ‘What child would want me?’ she asked herself lightly, ‘I sought revenge to the point I even ignored Allelujah- I couldn’t stop Soma from hurting Allelujah. I am not strong enough to overcome my own pain. How could I guide a child to be any better than me?’ Allelujah saw her forlorn look over a period of days and he asked her what was wrong. “Nothing, Allelujah, I promise” He had smiled at her.

She felt even guiltier. She’d have to tell him soon. She’d never doubted Allelujah’s feelings for her but sometimes she’d wanted to. She wanted to believe he’d agree with her but she knew it wouldn’t be true- he would encourage her. He loved her like she loved him. She took a deep gulp and felt a disdain for this whole place. More than anything she felt guilty.

“Marie,” Allelujah said one day in the after math of love making. “You seem unhappy even now.” He seemed deeply troubled by her silence. He looked at her. “If it’s about moving…I am starting to feel uneasy about this place…if you worry I am too accustomed to this place to leave, please don’t Marie. If you want to leave, we can leave.” Marie looked up at him and then sat up. “We could leave no matter what, go to a place where there’s something better?” He looked at her and gave her an odd look. She never spoke like this- like there was definitely something better wherever they went. He smiled at her.

“Yes Marie…we can certainly go to a place like that.” Marie laid back down beside him on her back. He put his arm on her shoulder and smiled and felt a certain contentment in the air. She opened her mouth. “Allelujah…I…” Allelujah stayed quiet for a moment. “Yes, Marie?” With a certain silence hanging in the air she felt like perhaps she had only assumed his feelings. What if he didn’t want children? No…she was certain now she was only trying to talk herself out of telling the honest truth.

She sat up again but this time she didn’t face him. He sat up and put his hand on her shoulder as she slouched down and didn’t say anything to him. ‘Am I fit to be a mother?’ she asked herself in her head. “Marie?” he questioned with a worrisome tone. She turned to look at him and smiled.

“Allelujah- I’m…pregnant.”

There was silence for a moment. Marie had seen that look he was making in his eye before. He wasn’t mad. But he wasn’t something she could read just yet…and then he pulled her into his arms and he could feel the happiness burn in his stomach. She felt a relief from a pain she had been hiding for a month. “I…” Allelujah stopped before he said much else. The sentiment got across. “Did you want this, Allelujah? Do you mind…being a parent?” Allelujah rested his chin on top of her head and looked at the ceiling. He tightened his grip on her and felt something there-…something he couldn’t explain. “Yes, Marie.” For a moment nothing else was said.

“Let’s go, Marie.” He finally stated. “Let’s go to a place where there is something better. Let’s find wherever that place is.” And it was clear then. They wouldn’t even have to stay forever if they found it. But wherever they went would be a place where they did find something. Maybe it would be something they needed to find in themselves. But for now they simply laid back and held one another. There they stayed awake for hours discussing things that weren’t even about that subject- but it was something that would bring them closer…

To that better place.

life notes

2009-04-27T02:55:34Z

Title: Life Notes
Words: 2500+
Fandom: Gundam 00
Pairing: Allelujah/Marie
Rating: hard R-NC-17
Author's Notes: DERP. :> these are getting longer.

I hold you tight like rain
Sunshine on a rainy day
Sunshine on a rainy day

Allelujah opened the window to the top bedroom. The seal on it was ancient and dusted over so that it resembled a layer of paint more than dust. Unexpectedly, as the window finally slid up from strenuous pushing, clouds of dust rose from it, prompting a coughing fit. As soon as he was able to look up, placing his hands on each side of the window, a figure swam into his still-clouded vision. Outside on the lawn, Marie, hearing him coughing, had paused. A box sat under one arm as she shaded her eyes with the free hand and stared upwards.

"The windows," Allelujah choked out. "Work." He realized that this statement was futile a second or so too late as Marie laughed. She disappeared from his line of vision and he heard the front door open downstairs.

"Wow," she called, sitting the box amidst the small stacks of other boxes. Each box held only a few items, each wrapped extensively in newspaper and old towels depending on the level of delicacy. Neither of them had moved before so they felt it better safe than sorry. At least one box held just a small tea cup and nothing else, giving the impression they owned more than they did. A complete lie as they knew.

"Wow," she repeated. "How are we going to fill any of this up?"

Allelujah eyed the rest of the windows in the seemingly vast room. Drawing on earlier mistakes, he declared the windows fine and walked down the staircase. The whole place wouldn't be so big once it'd been filled with what little they owned, but still it seemed to swallow them up. Especially Marie, as she stood near the bay windows. Dancing in the afternoon light was the dreaded dust, but instead it swirled around her hair like particles of light, and not so unpleasant now.

She wiped her hands on her jeans. "We have a bed," she continued, taking mental inventory. "And we have a sofa."

"Everything is already in the kitchen." It'd be the fullest with things, Allelujah realized, and it came built into the room. The whole house was like a different world. Strange and new, with dirty but beautiful hard wood floors and windows that ran the length of the wall. Neither of them had lived in something like this before and they approached it without thought like a skittish animal, something that might fly away with the slightest sound. But more and more they could bring themselves to feel comfortable here. To not lightly touch the banister of stairs as though it weren't real, and to not marvel at its size. Other places in the area were much larger. This was, as stated, new.

Marie nodded, thinking, and as Allelujah was doing himself, imagining the place filled with furniture, decorations, flowers. Marie was starting a garden in front and it would be a shame to not fill the house with fresh flowers, she'd said. What else would they be there for, if not to enjoy?

What was anything ever there for?

As Marie unwound her hair and began to place it back into its tight bun, the wind and work having tugged it down, Allelujah closed his eyes for a moment. He could see this room in winter, the two of them on a rug, in front of that fireplace in the wall. Snow falling quietly outside the window. It was barely spring but he could see every season, every year. He let if fill him with a warm feeling that was not unlike the sun flowing in until he heard footsteps walking away.

"If the water's come on already," Marie said, pushing a few boxes aside to make her way to the door of the kitchen, "I'll make tea."

Far from arguing, mouth dry, Allelujah closed his eyes again and saw the upcoming years, the most pleasant feeling he'd known in a long time. He could see behind them, almost like a road, places they'd been and things they'd done. Almost every place was marked with a feeling or a memory. He couldn't think of a single moment with her in the past few years he didn't recall keenly in some way or another.

His first thought was always making love to her underneath the stars as the leaves crunched underneath them and the earth was wet and fresh and they rolled over and she was on top for a few seconds, eyes closed in ecstasy, the bright moonlight shining on her hair that draped down her shoulders, over her bare breasts.

In that line of thought he could remember making slow love to her in a hotel and and trying to keep quiet through the thin walls, the cheap sheets tangled around their legs and lying with her afterward, the only light from a street lamp outside. It was then they decided to try and find a house together, months ago.

Memories of very good times. Marie against a wall here, Marie on the floor there, as they'd not even made it to the bed .... It even seemed a bit vulgar now that this was what he thought of, these were shining examples of their time spent together. And it wasn't -- he hadn't forgotten the moments of just being in her presence, sitting by a rocky beach on a cold morning, their long talks that usually popped up near exhaustion at three am.

But it'd been days.

He sat on the sill of the large window and tried to ignore his sudden hardness, that came quickly but was not exactly unexpected. The move had tired both of them and they hadn't had sex for days. It was no one's fault. One night she had fallen asleep first, then he had. Then they both just laughed at the idea last night because neither of them could even lift a finger.

But it was mid-afternoon now, nice indoors, nice outdoors. The boxes of teacups mostly indoors. The sofa would need to be moved inside in case it rained -- he couldn't believe he was almost talking himself out of this, but that was only responsible. He shut his eyes again but the only thing that came to mind was Marie and not one thought could be filed under pure in the least bit. He didn't even know he'd needed it this much until he triggered his feelings the right way. And how he was certain he was going to explode, his fingers next to him on the sill trembling.

He was eternally grateful for the sound of ice tinkling in glasses and Marie's bare feet on the floor. His eyes opened as she set next to him on the sill, a glass of water in each of her hands.

"The gas on the stove isn't on yet," she apologized. "No hot water."

He took the cold glass and pressed it against his face. "We'll have to call tomorrow," he murmured. The cold felt good against his suddenly hot skin and he couldn't tell what was condensation and what was sweat.

"Are you tired?"

"Only a bit," he admitted, pushing his hair back with a hand. He lowered the glass from his face and watched her drinking. Everything about her was so beautiful and especially now, every single subtle movement turned him on. From the way her eyes closed when she drank, to the sweat on her nose, the strands of hair already undone from her bun.

He placed a hand on her thigh and leaned over, lips brushing her bare neck. She choked on her water at the sudden movement and closed her eyes again as his lips moved slowly from her neck, barely touching, to her ear. Out of the corner of his eye he saw her lick the excess water from her lips unconsciously and just that simple gesture drove him wild. His lips met the delicate curve of her ear at the same time his hand had moved to her inner thigh, prompting her to part her legs with two fingers, which she did. He let his mouth rest on her ear before breathing the words, "Come on".

Allelujah could imagine her face, eyes closed and his fingers danced inward as her legs opened, brushing her, which she could feel even through the restrictive material.

It only took a second of this position, his fingers circling her, but needlessly. There was no reason to entice her or beg her with his hands. She was already flying, fumbling to unbutton her jeans and seeing the want and quickness in her actions, his hands move -- so reluctantly -- from her body to his own pants and for a second it was that always awkward feeling as they both dropped their pants just enough to get to each other.

He pulled her into his arms, bypassing her lips and kissing her neck, mouth hot and fingers fumbling to her, almost clumsily. His mouth, tongue moved down her neck, and to the slight protrusion of collarbones, paying delicate attention to each part as grabbed Marie as gently as possible by her now-bare-from-the-waist-down form and lifted her to him, falling backwards against the sill of the window. He held onto it, fingers slippery and sat down on the ledge there. She straddled his lap and they found this position infinitely more easy to deal with.

Her head dropped to his shoulder and she gripped him, fingernails scrabbling at the back of his shirt and unexpectedly she moved her hands downward, to the opening at the bottom and slid her hands underneath his shirt to grip into his skin. This feeling wasn't unwelcome and not painful as she gripped him with the tips of her fingers, instead of nails. Ever delicate and gentle. He didn't know how to tell her that sometimes he wished she would dig deeper, hold him with nails painfully. It was always a thought he entertained during and never afterward. Sometimes he wanted it to hurt but never to hurt her -- it was just one of those crazy racing thoughts. Harder, dig in, hold on --

Her legs had spread far enough and she pressed into him. He heard a gasp in his ear as he entered her, as slowly as he could, but as he did so she gripped the inside of his shirt, hands balling into the material and pressed harder into him, her small breasts pressing against his chest, and though his hands were cupping her behind, holding her steady, he couldn't take it anymore. He pulled her up by her shoulder, lifted her arms, both of them balancing and thrusting as hard as they could with just hips. Hip bones pressed together, her toes curling, his own curling, trying to keep steady on the floor. As soon as her arms were lifted he grabbed her shirt, not caring if he even tore the material and lifted it off her chest, throwing it aside.

She gasped again at the sudden cool air on her sweating skin, but lifted herself, pressing harder and pushing her chest forward at the same time. He gripped one breast in each hand, each so small they fit perfectly inside. Her hardened nipples pressing into his palm and he wanted nothing more just to marvel at her, bare and whole now, face slick with sweat and hair half-falling down her back, over her small, shapely shoulders. She held onto his shirt again for support as he began to run a thumb softly over her nipples, just the feeling and delicate weight of each breast.

Just holding them in his hands, he leaned forward and kissed her, full on the mouth. He wanted to taste her and nothing seemed better now, connected at so many points of her body, connected to his body. The friction and movement was becoming steadily more intense -- after a few seconds, she wrapped a foot around his back and lifted herself forward, placing another on the window and her arms around his neck as he his hands left her breasts, pulling her towards him. The sound of her panting in his ear, the moans, the small intakes of breath -- he could imagine he was making the same sounds, but noticed nothing but her small form pressed against his.

"Oh, oh I --" she started. She was stopped by a gasp of breath and never finished her sentence, letting it linger between them as she obviously felt the onslaught of an orgasm. He hoped. It would ideal if they could come together but he could feel that dizzying feeling of orgasm coming on quickly and he pressed harder into her, the both of them almost lifting off of the sill, her feet wrapped around his back, lifting under his shirt, neither of them attempting to speak.

He could feel the pounding, blood rushing through his entire body, down through his hips, fingertips, temples, as it localized between his legs, inside of her. One final thrust and he felt it, the climax and he came, head thrown back against the window. He gulped several deep breaths before lifting his head and continuing their position, his head drooping on her shoulder now again, hair slick with sweat, his eyes closed halfway until he heard her strangled, trying-to-not-alert-the-neighbors half-cry and she fell limp against him, laughing.

"What ..." was all he managed to gasp out.

"Can you imagine what a passerby would've thought?" she said, still laughing. He felt limp, and shaking and now felt himself go red and look out the window. The yard was encircled with shrubs but what if someone had to come to bid them hello and -- seeing his blushing face, Marie laughed harder and pulled herself up, arms around him.

Neither of them could even think of moving right now, just sitting in the sunlight streaming in from the window, bodies hot but still pressed together. He could hear in the distance, sounds of a radio and other sounds that were blocked out for those few minutes. As though the outside world had stopped and now came seeping in, almost with the sunlight. The noise and lives that circled their own.

Allelujah said nothing and just listened and he thought he could hear her heart beating and could feel his. They were almost together and nothing mattered except them. Hadn't it, really, always been that way? The window was dirty and he could feel his hair pressed against his face and realized his pants were still down, but they just held each other, steadying their bodies.

In a few minutes they would stand up, re-dress. She would suggest a shower, but they'd better finish moving first. They could take a shower after all was over. They'd move in the sofa, and pull a tarp over the rest. After taking a bath together in the clawfoot bathtub they forgot was sitting, waiting in the upstairs bathroom, the clouds would roll in. Thunder and rain and they'd sleep together on that sofa.

But for now, it was only the sunlight and beating of his chest and Marie. Marie, he'd seen at all her moments and this was his favorite. When they just loved each other so much it felt like to move away, shift from her, would be breaking something tangible.

timefoolery @ 2009-04-26T21:27:00

2009-04-27T02:32:25Z

Title: Want
Rating: NC-17 8| or R.
Pairing: Allelujah/Marie
Warnings: PWP, seriously folks it's...like even if the whole fic isn't the explicit sex it's. UHM. YEAH. There's no real plot. It's more just an attempt to characterize the lustful feelings Allelujah feels for Marie while still maintaining his waifu BUT MARIE IS...exterior. There's also a bit of shameless fluff at the end. It is a SHAMELESS BATH SEX FIC.

Be warned, I am so shy I had a hard time reading over this so there may very well be typos xD

It had started innocently enough. Marie was tired. He was tired as well. They had been working on painting a room together and they’d messed up a few times because their house was in odd shape- they had bought the wrong kind of paint, then they’d had to go over it with the right kind, and so on the third day they were finally finished. Allelujah had fallen asleep yesterday two hours before Marie had finally called it quits, so her eyes seemed heavy and she was ready to go to bed. She looked at Allelujah and yawned, “I’m going to take a bath before I go to bed,” she said simply. Allelujah had a small smile on his face as he teased her lightly, “You’ll fall asleep.” Marie was silent for a moment and then she smiled back at him. “I suppose you’re right, I’ll just take one tomorrow.”

Allelujah had looked at her and saw there was paint on her cheek and in her hair and even on her neck. He shook his head, “It’s not good for you to sleep with paint all over you. We can take one together, even if you fall asleep I’ll just wake you up…or carry you out…I need one anyway.” Allelujah hadn’t thought about the dirty thoughts surrounding taking a bath with Marie. At least, he hadn’t at first. When he saw her cheeks with a light pink tint he started to think about it. He tried to shake the thoughts from his head almost immediately as they came. Marie is tired, he thought, it wouldn’t be fun if Marie was asleep. It’s only fun if she’s awake to…he let his trail of thought get lost as she nodded finally¸ “Yeah, that’s a good idea. I’ll go start the water.”

So Marie had started the water and he felt anxious. The minute he let himself slip up and think about how soft her skin felt or the curves in her body, the minute he would lose his nerve when he really saw and touched her naked figure. Within a moment she had called him into the bath and he could feel himself gulp. She had her back turned to him and was stripping herself of all her clothes. He was sure she knew that the idea might end up in an awkward situation, but he’d seen her naked many times. Her thought was probably that he could control himself. He started to take off his own clothes and he decided he would just do that. He would control himself.

It was easier said than done when she faced him. He supposed the faulty logic behind ‘he’d seen her naked plenty of times’ was that each and every time he had seen her directly naked more than a few seconds or while she changed….he had wasted very little time in touching her, fondling her, being inside of her…he tried to shrug the thought from his head. “I’ll get in first,” he said as he finally stripped down. Her face was a light pink but she had that same gentle look on her face all the same- she nodded. He slid into the warm bath water and leaned against the rim of the tub. He looked up at her and she smiled at him. She started to put her foot in the water and he was glad her face was turned away. He could see everything for a second. There was an ache, almost a need, and he took a deep breath. She looked back at him, and thanks to this he caught the side of her breast in his vision, “Are you all right?” she asked. He smiled, “I’m just a little tired.”

She got into the tub and sighed. “Does it feel nice?” he asked. She nodded, “I’m so tired, it’s very soothing.” He smiled and then caught himself on another thought. He’d thought things like what he’d asked before. He’d thought it when he’d had her pressed against a wall once. He’d had to support her because he was so much taller, but because of it he went deeper. It felt like he had, anyway. She made louder moans and he kept thinking, ‘Does that feel good, Marie?’ and he wanted to ask her that in a whisper against her ear but she moaned so much she answered the question for him. Allelujah shook his head while she had her head turned the other way. ‘Marie is tired, I don’t want to just do it for myself… I will just wait until tomorrow morning.’

Marie reached for the soap and turned back to Allelujah. “You can wash off first, I don’t mind.” Allelujah nodded and took the soap from her hands. He lathered his hands in the soap and started to wash himself off. He didn’t want to finish yet because he knew she’d touch herself, and she’d do it in a casual way but it would be enticing. More importantly he’d want to be the one washing her off- that’s what he’d had in mind in the first place. Now that the thoughts were less than innocent he recognized it may not be a good idea to touch her…but. Allelujah felt as if he should indulge himself. How easy would it be to get away with it? She was his wife, she was bathing with him…she wouldn’t mind. No, maybe that was never the issue. It was that Allelujah himself would mind, would be the one feeling guilty.

He ran the clear bathwater against his body and washed the soap away. “Your turn,” he said as he handed the soap forward. She took it and then for a moment she did nothing. She turned to look at him and smiled, “Would you do it for me? I’ll wash my hair- we can get it through faster that way.” Allelujah paused for a moment as she handed him back the soap. He took it after a moment of hesitation and then began to lather his hands again as she reached for one of the two bottles of shampoo on the wall. He couldn’t help but think of it now as his hands were covered in soap and she lifted her arms to start to lather her hair with shampoo. She was so small compared to him. Yet her figure was so full. He began to run his hands along her bare back and he felt tense. Her skin was smooth and almost enticing. He could feel himself getting aroused and he had to stop for a moment. “Is there something wrong?” she asked as she brought her hands down from her hair. She’d lathered it and it sat on top of her head waiting to be washed. She yawned and he took his hands off of her from their still position. “Not at all.” He saw her nod slightly.

He continued to clean her off. He couldn’t bring himself to even think of touching below her hips or her front torso. He knew it would be the last thing he needed. She was so enticing in the way that she moved. He wanted badly to turn her to face him and to take all of her in, or to lift up her hips as she was and to be inside of her. He wa- suddenly two things happened. The first is that he got so caught up in his thoughts that by the time he noticed he was hard. The second is that she began to nod asleep and soon fell forward. He grabbed ahold of her shoulders and pulled her up. He was trying desperately hard to keep her from leaning against him, or she’d notice…and he didn’t know where to continue from there. She was sleepy, he’d feel guilty. Yet as he caught her he caught a glimpse of her naked torso and he felt the want he had for her growing larger. “M-marie?” Her eyes cracked open and she looked at him. “O-oh…I’m sorry. It was like a massage, you were cleaning me really slow and it was so comfortable I fell asleep.” Allelujah shook his head. She sat up again and yawned lightly. With a quick movement of her hands she began to wash out the shampoo in her hair. Then suddenly she let out an ‘ouch!’

“Marie?” he asked with a concerned face. His erection was not dying down but he was still concerned. She turned to face him and sighed, “I got some of it in my eyes because I fell asleep…” Allelujah made a small playful smile, “Well it’s like I said earlier then, I suppose even I couldn’t stop you from falling asleep. Maybe you should get out now?” he was hoping she might so he could perhaps escape from her noticing. She shook her head. “I’m a little more awake now…I’ll be all right.” He bit his lip. “You can keep washing me off if you want…” He steadily brought his hands up to touch her body and felt nervous. The more she sat in front of him the more he wanted to do things to her. Maybe he’d even just be satisfied with touching her and being able to touch himself later. He wanted to be inside of her most of all though. Part of him imagined her being wet from all the touching he’d done, the other part imagined her completely oblivious to all of it until he seemed to bring it upon her. He wanted to hear her cry out in ecstasy or from unexpected joys. His hands moved closer to her torso. Then suddenly she moved back, as if to lean against him- and there was no way she could’ve missed it.

He looked down at her and he could see her face reddened. “A-Allelujah…” she breathed. He looked at the wall and sighed. “I-I’m sorry, I-“ She interrupted him. “If you want to do that kind of thing…all you have to do is ask. I wanted to do it tonight but I felt so tired…the truth is I kind of hoped you invited me to take a bath with you…so…we could…” Allelujah could feel himself pressed against her bare skin and her words drove him crazy. He’d been worried the whole time about her but now she said she wanted it. He didn’t waste time. He picked her up by her hips and positioned her, before he could enter her she spoke, “B-but I don’t know if I can help much, I’m so tired-” he put his mouth to her ear and gave her a light ‘ssh’ as he slid into her. She was wet even though she’s been oblivious to all the things he’d been feeling. He felt a little glee inside of himself to know she wanted it even if he didn’t- almost like he was only guilty of the same crime she was. As far as he was concerned it was no crime if she felt it. “I don’t mind, I just want to enjoy…” he said as he started to go as deep as possible into her- “Your presence, Marie.” He had said seemingly innocent words but she caught onto what he meant. It wasn’t something that could be taken perversely unless he’d said it- with his casual but seductive tones. She had wanted it a lot but figured it wouldn’t happen. She let out a satisfied moan and this made him excited.

As he started to move inside of her in an almost desperate pace, he didn’t think she’d be lively for long and the truth was he didn’t really *want* to control himself, he brought his lips to her neck. His hands were placed delicately on her hips to move her at his pace. He could hear her moaning with nearly every movement he made. She moved her arms to the bathtub rim to keep the pace with him as best as she could. She was tired and it made her a little slower than him. It was satisfying though, not in a dominating way, but in the way their paces clashed and brought a different kind of pleasure through each of his thrusts. He tried to suck on the skin of her neck but he found grunts spilling from his mouth and the skin being hard to hold onto as he opened his mouth in attempt to convey his own pleasure.

Then she started to breathe faster. He could feel the same thing happening to him but he slowed his pace down just for a moment because he wasn’t ready for it to be over. It didn’t stop her though. He knew she was read and her mouth was likely open. She would be embarrassed if she knew how easy it was to read how much she enjoyed it. He always felt more aroused seeing that she was enjoying it too. She let out a louder series of moans and each one had a panicked gasp to it, almost as if it was trying to grab onto the oxygen in the room like it was all disappearing. Her fingers clenched the bathtub rims to the point where her knuckles were white. Then her fractioned pants started to become embarrassed words. He pulled her hips into a harder pace to get her to come, he was almost there himself, and he could see the sweat on her back. “A-alleluj-ah!” she cried out loudly. His face turned red like he was sure hers was but it sounded so nice to hear.

Her body worked with his in the last moment, her state of ecstasy not ruined by his final thrusts. He worried he gripped her hips too hard as he finally came and released something that sounded just as shameful as Marie’s- “M-marie-I-“ He thrusted into her one last time simply for the belated feel of continued ecstasy and then he stopped. She leaned against him and he could see her embarrassed yet pleasured face, and then he smiled down at her. He noticed her eyes looked heavy and he smiled. He leaned down to her ear and finished the statement he’d started as he came, feeling the weight of the unfinished words on his shoulders-

“Love you.”

reasoning

2009-04-27T02:24:23Z

Title: Reasoning
Chapter Title: Mother
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Allelujah/Marie
Warnings: Spoilers, Mentions of sex, Pregnancy, Fluff
First in the Series of 7.

That word had been almost frightening to consider at first. It was because of the many ways he had seen her before. He had seen her in her in those same clothes she word onboard the Ptolemy and he remembered feeling like she was strong. She was unwavering; she would do work and provide support wherever she could even as a normal person. He remembered fearing for her and despite seeing her muscles and trained physique in the tight space suits he could only see her as fragile. She was not weak but space was unforgiving. He remembered seeing her in the medical gown before he returned to help Setsuna in that final fight. He had felt something he couldn’t quite define. He had simply stared at her like that feeling discomfort and worry. He could not quite bring himself to understand why he hated seeing her like that even though it meant she was safe, that he had saved her. He still could not think of a word for her in that state to this day.

But mother was an even scarier word.

Still, Allelujah could not help but imagine it. It was so hard to think about children without recalling the children he had…he had always lost his train of thought. These thoughts had come to him while he was watching Marie sleep or speaking to her. He remembered she had been a child once, one he had not killed. He felt a lurch in his stomach when he recalled he left her behind, but still…it gave him an odd sense of comfort. Once he stopped thinking about those children he started thinking about his own. The children who would not be orphans or test subjects- children that would be his and Marie’s. The word came to him again and he felt an odd feeling. Would Marie want to be a Mother? He couldn’t think of her not wanting to be a mother or disliking children. They’d talked about many embarrassing things and the few times they’d brought up children he remembered the look in her eye as she would say a few things and then one of them would end up changing the subject.

He thought of her as a mother on some days. There were some days when they would make love and he would let the word play on his lips as he watched her drifting to sleep. She would always be naked and he would hold her body close to his as he thought of a child that looked like her. The word would continue to play on his lips as part of him wished that maybe this time she would be pregnant. He would see a girl who was small and had silver hair just like her- but she would have a darker complexion and pale blue eyes. Maybe her hair would curl a little in the small defiant way his did, but it wouldn’t matter too much because it would be so long… He would feel happiness inside of him when he thought of this. He felt the same kind of happiness on the nights when he made love to her and just drifted to sleep with her. He felt the same kind of happiness when he spoke to her about trivial things and laughed as hard as he could.

One day, a day that came several times, he wanted to speak to her about it. He wanted to bring her close to him and feel the happiness he felt alone. He wanted to share it with Marie and ask her if she wanted to be a mother. She had already become his wife. She had already been his lover and his girlfriend. He would open his mouth to begin his statement and he would imagine the words over and over in his head: “Marie, do you think we should have children anytime soon?” he would begin in his mind. Then before the words could form in real time he stopped and realized that he would be ‘Father’ if she was ‘Mother’. Suddenly all the suppressed things could come back. The children he had killed would come to his mind and he would feel that he was no father. Marie was the perfect embodiment of many things; Mother was another thing her gentle hands and her smile could do that would suit her. Being a Mother might make her happy.

But what child, he thought with a pessimistic dash to his dreams, would want someone like him as ‘Father’?

He would always pull her close and she would look at him with intrigue. He would hold her and they would speak. They would make love or hold one another. Eventually one day Allelujah would work up the nerve to speak to her about it. He would look at her face and see in her eyes the look of a woman who he loved beyond reason and he would think that somehow even though he was not a good person, that she would be the Mother to his Father made it worth it.

sun, sugar and the moving wind

2009-04-15T04:20:57Z

Title: Sun, Sugar and the Moving Wind
Words: 1300ish
Fandom: Gundam 00
Pairing: Allelujah/Marie
Rating: G
Author's Notes: set post-finale again. a little random something written in less than an hour for celemna and hearts semicolon FLUFF WARNING, ALWAYS THE FRIGGING FLUFF also, forgive any weird formatting errors? I wrote this in Notepad :(

Warm me up
And breathe me

Allelujah walked down the path between the two rows of hedges, which were trimmed with an immaculate rounded shape. He didn't take a second look as his shoes clicked against the stones that made up the road. If he looked again, he'd notice that between every few feet of hedges there was a rose bush, red and bright and gobbling at the sun, ready to be pruned again soon.

If he had looked again and noticed the red roses, he would've thought that he could never remember the difference between roses and what they meant. Yellow meant something different from white, from red. Those that flourished along this path were the "Valentine's" roses, symbolic of romance. He never had to remember these things before, and Marie didn't notice either. For her birthday last year he bought her a coral rose, symbolic of desire. He just loved the color.

There was always a sort of careless way to his thoughts and interactions. Young ladies in the stores would flirt with him and he would laugh back, not noticing the implications. Over the years he'd grown less shy, much less shy, but there was still a peaceful, calm and almost sheltered cloud that moved over his personal language.

The wind was fierce this day and blocked by the hedges when it blew from the sides. The hand clutching the paper bag shivered along with the rest of Allelujah as he slid to a halt at the end of the hedges and lifted a hand to his forehead to block the sun. It was slightly overcast, the sun bouncing off the clouds like mirrors. Tiny yellow butterflies were fighting the wind and occasionally the sun would slip out and throw the entire park into shadow. The sun had done so a moment previously and Allelujah shielded his face from it.

She was around here somewhere. If only they hadn't gone so deep into the park for privacy! All the trees looked the same and he didn't want to get lost. Inside the paper bag were two bottles of water and inside wax paper, two sugar cookies. He'd left her on the blanket under a tree with their sandwiches and apples.

Marie had almost laughed when she realized that they'd left the thermos of tea at home. She'd made expressly sure to set it in plain sight after pouring it, and now its absence from the basket was almost ironic.

He'd only been gone twenty minutes, out of the park and into the busy Saturday afternoon city to a local bakery, but the fierce wind and the crowd made things seem twice as long. The inside of the bakery was cool and shaded and while waiting in line with everyone buying cakes and reduced for sale morning donuts, he'd seen the cookies in a glass case and bought them upon paying for the water. It'd be a surprise for Marie when he returned. He hoped they tasted as good as they looked. And they looked perfectly crumbly and soft, with a light sprinkling of pink sugar.

The water would be getting warm, but he wanted to get his bearings. In the back ground, he could hear dogs barking, and the sound of bicycle bells and he wanted to be far away from everything, somehow. Go somewhere again with Marie. The wind seemed to be saying to take off, to move with it.

In absence of this, giving into this wanderlust, he wanted to go back to their small home together. Crowds gave him that impression, sometimes. He wanted to go back to months ago, when it was just himself and Marie and that wind, that told them what to do. It was almost a habit he'd developed in the past few years. If he'd explored every bit of his surroundings he closed in. It was almost though something was telling him, there is more than what meets the eye here.

There is always more than meets the eye.

He let his hand fall to the side and decided to go straight, which was a hill and on the other side another gathering of trees. He could see the leaves brushed by the wind, peeking over the grass.

Today, he would have a picnic with Marie, and they would go back to that small home and fall asleep in their small bed, her head resting on his chest. The windows in the room they slept in were high and from his vantage point on the bed, he would see the rooftop windows in other buildings, bright against the sky sometimes until dawn. He'd watch them until he fell asleep, wondering if the people inside felt as good at that moment as he did, wrapping his arms around Marie.

By the time the top of the hill was reached, a fine layer of sweat had broken out over his nose, the sun not daring to go behind its clouds again. But at the bottom of the hill, nestled in the shade and bright against the shadows in a yellow sundress, was Marie, who waved up at him.

He waved back and indicated to the bag, before moving with an awkward jog down the hill, the way one walks down something steep to keep from falling, arms held at the chest.

"Sorry it took so long," he said, opening the bag with a rustle and handing her the bottled water. "I have something else in here."

Marie smiled again as he handed her the cookie in paper.

"They looked good," he said, almost apologetically.

"They do," she replied, setting down the water, which dipped into the blanket across the grass and bit into her cookie. Allelujah lowered himself next to her, thankful for the shade and unwrapped his own cookie. It did taste as good as it looked -- soft and sweet. It almost melted on his tongue.

The sun finally moved behind the clouds, only after he was nestled in the shady leaves.

"Marie," he said, looking up at the twitching leaves, the wind dying down for now. In a moment a gust would probably come through and begin to blow the blanket and the sandwich bags. "Go somewhere with me."

"Where?" she asked, lowering her cookie.

"I don't know," he said, and opened his water bottle, not taking a sip. He rolled the cap in his fingers. "I don't know."

A second later he added, "Where do you feel like going?"

She looked up at the same place he was, almost as though the clouds were telling them both something. "You can tell that?"

He looked back down and their eyes met. "Tell what?"

"That I'm just not content here, not yet."

"I suppose I can," he answered. "It's this feeling ..."

"We will then." Marie nodded resolutely.

"What about the house?"

"It can't come with us."

"We've just bought a bed," said Allelujah, with a small smile. "But it doesn't matter. It's just something, isn't it?" He looked down at the water, and finally took a sip. He was right -- it had become warm.

"As long as I'm with you," said Marie, "we're always home, aren't we?"

She was right, home was here on this blanket, home was the house, home was the very earth itself if she was there, anchoring and giving a reason for his life to be lived.

The wind picked up a gust again, strong and bringing with it leaves from the trees and a pink balloon from the vendor below the hill. It lifted in the air until it disappeared amongst the white of the sky, still there, just not noticed, not visible.

Home was her hands.

nobody said it was easy

2009-03-31T04:01:47Z

FFF OH HAY WRITING

Title: Nobody Said It Was Easy
Words: 950ish
Fandom: Gundam 00
Pairing: Allelujah/Marie
Rating: G
Autor's Notes: set post-finale

Five years ago, Allelujah thought his heart would stop. Impossible given circumstances; healthy young male, no diseases, no physical afflictions. No reason to die. But no reason to live either, at least on the emotional aspect of things. Sometimes when it got dark, dark in the room, in his head, behind his eyelids when he closed his eyes to shut out the shadows on shadows, he would see his heart in his chest.

He could feel it keenly in his throat, beating. And it wasn't hard to imagine the thuds suddenly falling away, and center of his body ceasing to supply. For so long he could even believe it and wait for it. Dying quietly in the dark. He didn't believe it was possible to feel this way and your body to live, still. To breath raggedly and live on.

When he closed his eyes sometimes he'd see her face. He'd see it in different layers. He'd see her young, and her sharp, lively voice seeming to come from the air itself instead of that blank face. He'd see her years later, angry and determined, having shed the past like an old, small coat. Words caustic.

It was hard to imagine this was the same person, but yet there she was, living and moving and talking and seeing. Doing impossible things and he'd never have imagined it becoming like this. He could imagine her dozens of times, sitting up from her glass case, smiling and moves towards him, into his arms. He would see her face and it would provide equal parts comfort and trauma; the only thing in his arms now was his useless body, wrapped tightly to itself and the only companion ghosts from older lives.

It provided stimulation, for what it was worth. This wasn't how it was supposed to be and he wouldn't give up, wouldn't succumb to anything, not even his own helplessness until it was right.

*

For the same reasons his heart would stop, he thinks now it will burst. It's not possible to feel this way and your body to live still, but it's on the other metaphorical hand. This hand is open, palm-up and reaching to the sun. It's not possible to love this much and it to not overtake and overtax your system. It's not possible to feel this much and not just collapse. The only thing that betrays it in his mannerisms is how his fingers shake slightly when they brush against Marie's. He wants to wrap her in his arms, the arms that can fill up with her now and shout. But instead he tucks a lock of hair behind her ear and they catch each other's eyes. His hand beside him clenches.

*

Marie likes parts of cities. In her backseat position in her own body for years she wanted to visit them on things other than business. To go to nooks in small streets. To run through parks and surprise the pigeons who regroup in her wake like clockwork. To look into a fountain and drop coins in, watching her own face that belongs to her ripple for seconds as they settle on the bottom.

Marie also likes parks because they're like hidden forests in the city. Together they're finding the world in everything, from silly small days getting ice cream and sitting on benches as the sun flirts with the clouds to rainy days in someplace in Asia, where they crowd in a temple along a road and laugh in the wet air.

She tells Allelujah sometimes it's like seeing the world for the first time. Like working out a puzzle you know where the pieces go to but have never put together.

Allelujah smiles, because he's seen the world but almost through someone else's eyes, like she has. He can't explain exactly why, he knows but doesn't have the words, but everything is different. He doesn't need the words when he just feels her shift next to him and hears her voice.

Allelujah likes cities and Allelujah likes parks and he likes whatever place he is with her the most. They wouldn't matter in any way unless she was there.

*

Small gestures mean more than anything because they are more when not done with thought but with feeling. She leans against him when she's tired. He falls asleep and she turns off the light and he's only vaguely aware until he wakes up hours later in the dark and she's crawled into bed next to him. She orders a dish she likes and has to make him try it. All these years of missed gestures and he tries not to think of what could've been because she's here now.

*

They adopt a cat for a week and before they name it realize it belongs to a neighbor. They sleep under the stars for nights together before other places beckon. They live everywhere in a short time.

He looks into space at night in a different place than the night before and feels old and she looks into his face upturned and knows what he's thinking. This has been a long journey under a few years.

He's done many things in his life he hates and it's been a year since he left Celestial Being and his answers are still hanging.

He opens his mouth to ask Marie something and sees her face in the moonlight smiling. Whatever the answer is, they'll find it. His heart beats faster and he breathes in the cold night air. He can't help but feel whatever he finds, there are things that will never be right. And there are things -- he finds her hand, looking back to the sky -- that will be.

8 Allelujah/Marie Drabbles

2009-03-12T04:04:28Z

Title: None.
Words: Quite a few, but varies per drabble.
Fandom: Gundam 00
Pairing: Allelujah/Marie
Rating: PG
Autor's Notes: Excuse my typos an etc, I wrote each of these to four minute songs and stopped at the end of each song. I tried to leave it in tact so the message would remain clear. scrawled gave me these prompts.

01. maybe something with them happy and married??
02. them eating dinner :3 I LOVE DINNER FIC OKAY
03. Allelujah being protective I FIND THIS CUTE
04. Allelujah thinking about Marie when being held captive, thinking about their lives together
05. Allelujah buys Marie a present
06. Allelujah doesn't know what girls like. SMALL ANIMALS AND RAINBOWS?
07. in the future, they celebrate Allelujah's birthday
08. sexy experimentation

8. (first becauseI liked it the least)
He could still see the blush on her face even though the light was dimmed. Her face was red enough to be caught in the slight lighting in the room. He moved the hair that stuck to her face and with a blush of his own her acknowledged her discomfort, "We can...uh...stop...if you want to.." She shook her head rapidly. "It's fun..but it's kind of hot." He kissed her and kept up with what he was doing, her arms were restrained and she had good reason to be hot.

Though even he could acknowledge it's discomfort, Allelujah was certainly glad they'd kept her suit.
1.
Allelujah wasn't really accustomed to grocery shopping. He had never really had to do it because food had been provided for him. So it was a little weird to him to go grocery shopping with Marie, but he guessed it was the same for her. She was either in the Super Soldier facility or the military her life- even if she could see through Soma's eyes it meant little due to this. He could think of a lot of things he'd never done, maybe it was nice after all to be doing those kind of things with Marie. They'd be a little more memorable. Marie looked at Allelujah as they walked into the grocery store- "What kind of food do you like?" Allelujah thought about it. "I'm not really sure..there are a lot of choices I've never tried."

Come to think of it there were a lot of things they didn't know and hadn't tried. And he was glad to spend it with...his wife. Marie. It was..more memorable that way.

2.
"I'm not accustomed to food like this.." Allelujah said as they sat at the dinner table. "It is certainly something to get used to. I'd get drinks and maybe something to eat occasionally when I went into town, but it was mostly government provided food. I'm not used to eating like this." Allelujah nodded. "It's the same for me. I know what other food is like and I've had it plenty but..it's still so weird to get used to when everything is usually standard from the government." Allelujah looked at her and she looked back at him and they looked at the food and each took another bite. "Say, Marie.." She looked up from her food.

"I like this food better." she nodded. "Me too. A lot better."

They laughed.

3.
"Are you going to fight?" he had asked with a placid tone. She had said yes. What was Allelujah supposed to think. He couldn't be mad at Marie, even if she was Soma. He could remember every time it had happened and he had been angry at the person who had asked her to do it. He never did it to be controlling, but it was hard to shake that she had once been the girl in the coma who couldn't even move. It was also hard to shake that she had fought him for a long time- battles did strange things.

All Allelujah wanted was for her to hold on- if he could just stop her from going into space he could do something about it. But even with Hallelujah around Allelujah knew that space was just wide enough for someone to lose their life. The thought terrified him, but Lyle's harsh words had carried a point, even if he had kept his distance from Anew just enough to endanger them all.

She said yes, and Allelujah said "All right." And he hoped that Soma Pieres was as strong as he remembered.

4.
Allelujah didn't really didn't know how long it had been. Maybe it had been a few months or maybe years. You didn't count when you got held in captivity. You just waited. One would expect someone like Allelujah with little persuading him to live to eventually give up, but he didn't feel like it. 'Marie..' he had thought that name in his head since the very first day he'd been tied to this chair. He had been so shocked to see her alive, and mad he hadn't known...but now there was hope. Some sort of bright hope that he could wake her up. He looked back on all the smiles he'd had as a child and every one seemed to be thanks to her.

'Marie'..he said with something gleaming in his eyes that was not often there. 'I'll save you, I promise' And every dark day seemed bright because he could remember and in the very back of his mind see the future he hoped for....the future with Marie.

6. (doing this first because it will go in order with 5 but will be first)
Allelujah hadn't ever been accustomed to thinking about what girls liked. In fact, he had no idea. So he didn't know why he was doing this. He had decided he was going to get Marie a present. It wasn't her birthday or one of those days gift giving took place. But he had no idea what girls liked. But Allelujah was determined, he wanted to do something nice for her just because he could. So what did girls like? Allelujah had spent a good thirty minutes thinking about it and trying to think about what his friends might think.

"Maybe small animals?" he thought to himself. "Girls like that kind of thing don't they? Or rainbows and things that glitter or dolls and things like that. Do girls like ribbons? Well they like wearing them, but I've never seen Marie wear a ribbon..maybe she'd look nice in one though, I don't know." Allelujah sat back in his chair. "They all sound like things girls like..."

Allelujah sighed. "But what do they like the most?"

5.
"Allelujah," Marie said with a rather embarrased look- she was very flattered. She was acting shy..or modest, either way, he found it cute. "You didn't have to get me so many things, especially for no reason!" He smiled at her and rubbed the back of his head. "I just wanted to that's all." Marie started to open the different gifts and her face was very red, she smiled at him politely and thanked him. "People never really got me nice things like this before." Allelujah looked down and felt stupid for bringing it up but he pulled something out of his pocket, or maybe a bag from under the table.

"I know you don't really wear this kind of thing, I've never seen you anyway, but I thought it'd look cute so I got it anyway..might as well give it to you right?" Marie's face lit up. "That kind of thing...." Marie took the ribbon and smiled."ActuallyI prefer that kind of thing, I just never had anyone to teach me how to put your hair in a ribbon, or anyone to really teach me anything girly at all...and Soma didn't like those kind of things..." Allelujah felt satisfied, she had really liked it, "Hey don't worry, I'm sure two people can figure it out better than one person alone- I'll help you." He was turning red but he was enthusiastic. Marie smiled. "Is that so?" He nodded.

"Thank you, Allelujah."

7.
For a month or so she had been trying to make a really good cake. Even though they were used to government food they'd had cake plenty of times. Marie wasn't bad at cooking- she'd just never made a cake before. So there was something special in when she finally put down the cake in front of him and he remembered her being covered in flour and smiling at him with a smile that said she wasn't embarrased only because he'd said 'everyone gets these things wrong...I couldn't do it'. There was something special in how many times she cracked an egg wrong and how many times she made him leave the room when she was trying to decorate because even if he knew it was a cake she wanted the message on it to be special, even if it was a normal message. There was just something special in how she put it down in front of him and said "happy birthday" and he could only grin at how her amatuer cake had come out looking so professional.

But maybe that was just because it said "Happy Birthday, Love Marie" and THAT made Allelujah really feel like it was professional..because it did make him feel like it was a great birthday.

timefoolery @ 2009-03-08T12:43:00

2009-03-08T17:47:33Z

Title: Left My Soul There
Words: 340something
Fandom: Gundam 00
Pairing: Allelujah/Marie
Rating: PG
Autor's Notes: ffff

Looking into Marie's eyes is like looking across a vast plain of time. A gulf full of places he's been.

Allelujah sees those eyes, wide awake and unfocused, glassy buttons for all their usefulness, staring ahead as her mind speaks to him. His small fingers trace her outline on the case holding her and under his touch all he feels is hard and cold, but only inches separate her from him. Only inches and soon, years.

He can see those eyes as an enemy penetrating his mind, but the eagle-fierce anger and determination has been replaced by a softer look, the look of her voice so long ago.

The first time he touches her it's like falling into a place he's only seen in thoughts. He never dreamed he'd see her again, much less whole, beautiful, sitting in front of him and she touches him back, sees him, hears him. Worth the wait, guilt, for the only thing separating them is air.

Days and days later when they make love for the first time, the only thing separating them is hesitation and that is soon melted and tarnished. She's no longer the untouchable child, a symbol of purity, his savior as much as he's hers. The innocence isn't shattered, but the happiness made whole as she sweats and pants underneath his careful touch.

He traces lines on her body later with a finger, all glass, hesitation, inches, years, doubt pushed aside and for the first time he feels things, for all their winding and wrong turns, ended up going down the right path. People make choices for unfathomable reasons that only become clear later, if at all.

Her eyes close as she falls asleep next to him. No regrets for what he fought to obtain and he wonders if it'll last any amount of significant time; not out of cynicism or even pragmaticism but out of learned habit. Their time is fleeting and it clocks off lucky minutes. Nothing lasts forever; the paths must end somewhere.

outtakes

2009-02-08T04:01:42Z

Title: Outtakes 01
Words: 1800+
Fandom: Bleach
Pairing: Nnoitra/Neliel
Rating: NC-17
Autor's Notes: the first of a series of vignettes set in the paraisoplaza universe [you don't really have to know the story to read, except that it's real world Bleach AU] that aren't exactly canon or little pieces that take place outside the main story. :) the new chapter of Paraiso is actually coming soon, so I'm just entertaining myself until then, because celemna is writing this
chapter.

ALSO forgive any formatting errors. It was written in Notepad first >:(

Out, out. Neliel wasn't satisfied with this explanation when Nnoitra had invited her in and her first question had been the obvious: where's Tesla? It was less that she cared where he was but the second question lingering in her went unspoken, answered with the first: will he catch us?

"Afternoon class," Nnoitra growled, not wanting to think of him at the moment. It gave this uncomfortable pang of guilt and killed the mood. That rush rush mood of hands everywhere as they weren't able to properly walk through the apartment, locked at the lips. Going towards the bedroom, even though the sexy and tawdry alternative was the kitchen table. They'd started kissing at that point, Neliel barely two steps into the room.

"Not here," she'd said, after Nnoitra made moves to push her against the bare kitchen table. She wasn't ready for that sort of sin right now. She only had her lunch break and somehow such a display didn't feel right. It was too early in the day for that and their chances of being caught greatly increased.

As soon as they reached the bedroom, Nnoitra pushed his back into it and they fell, arms sprawled together, his arm around her middle, her hands in his hair and didn't land until they reached the bed.

"Nnoitra," Nel panted, as she allowed herself to be pushed into the cheap sheets. "Nnoitra, the door."

Lying on top of her, all his weight against her breasts, stomach, he lied his head on the pillow in the crook between her shoulder and head and hissed in her ear in a voice that gave her a chill that didn't end until it reached between her legs, "Shut the fuck up." He was lying on top of her to make quick motions to pull down his pants, somehow every second counting. "Shut up. Doesn't this make it better?"

His pants and underwear halfway down his thighs, he started work on her and she let him undress her, quickly and clumsily. They had to rush; you never knew what would happen with an unlocked door, an open door. Nnoitra didn't care what she thought, but the chance of being caught made his heart race faster. That almost delicious feeling of how wrong this was overcoming nearly all guilt. It was just ridiculous.

Kissing her neck, nibbling her ear while trying to remove her panties underneath him was a task, but the friction and heat caused by their bodies, even before intercourse was maddening. Nnoitra could feel himself growing harder and harder, especially his cock lying bare against the fabric of Nel's jeans. Every movement he rubbed against it and he couldn't think of anything that could make this better.

Maybe a soundtrack or something, or the sunlight not streaming in through the dusty blinds. Maybe if they'd had a bit to drink, but who was he kidding? This clumsy, almost nervous sex was the best when you weren't a kid anymore. It was almost like you knew you could do better and didn't want to. You wanted this crazy feeling.

"Be still," he said and froze, handful of Nel's panties slackened. "Be quiet."

"What?"

"Shut up." He went even more still and suddenly felt very vulnerable, lying half nude atop the milk lady in the bed he and his boyfriend shared.

He could hear the blood rushing in his ears, pounding. Definitely heard footsteps and his chest felt almost to exploding point when a voice, and it would've been hilarious if it wasn't so horrible. A voice calling his name.

"Shit," he whispered.

"Nnoitra!" called Tesla.

"Move!" he said, slightly ineffectually and rolled off of Nel, stumbling as he hit the floor, holding his pants with one hand and grabbing her with the other and jerked her roughly towards the bathroom door, shoving her inside and following suit. As soon as the door slammed, locked, he could hear Tesla's footsteps outside.

"Nnoitra, are you here?"

Neliel was pressed against the cold sink, her lower back painfully bent. She made a move to pull up her pants and Nnoitra roughly shook his head at her, and attempted to mouth, "we ain't done yet" before Tesla asked again.

"Yeah, where else would I be?" he called back.

"I left my book here. What are you doing?"

"Taking a shit, what else would I be doing?"

"Fine." His voice wasn't suspicious, only terse. "I was hoping you could help me find it, but I'll get it myself."

Nnoitra's heart was beating so fast he was certain Tesla could hear it from outside in the bedroom. The bathroom was quite small -- only a sink, a toilet and a tiny walk-in shower. Fitting two people in, especially if one of those people was as tall as Nnoitra, was a task. Usually if two people were in the bathroom, one was in the shower. He looked at Neliel and realized she was sweating and blushing. His cock gave a twitch even more.

"Here it is," called Tesla. "Look, I'm going to be a bit late because I've got to finish up some things in the library. I failed my philosophy exam ..."

"Yeah," said Nnoitra. His mouth twitched. "Let me concentrate."

"Fine. I've got to get to class." He sounded so ... almost sad. Nnoitra felt weird that he picked up on that.

They stood frozen until Nnoitra heard the tell-tale sound of the heavy apartment front door close and he breathed for the first time.

"Close," said Neliel, whispering even if the coast was clear. "Too close, Nnoitra."

"I gotta agree with that," he said, wiping his brow on his sleeve.

"Move, you're blocking the door."

"Where the hell are you going, girl?" he said, flattening his back against the exit. "After all that you're just gonna go? At least get down and finish something ..."

She frowned and slapped him lightly on the cheek and he laughed. "He's gone, and the door's locked.

"How are we supposed to do anything in here?" she asked and he cut her off with a kiss, one hand sliding under her shirt to grip her breasts and the other between her legs, almost like a bargaining chip. At least that was how Nnoitra was doing it, fingers inserting into her, softly but quickly and he was pleased to see how wet she was. He ran his fingers over her erect nipple at the same time he pushed further in and she sighed, eyes closing.

"You gotta move," she said, breathlessly. "My back is killing me." He let go from under her shirt and the hand inside her trailed fingernails against her thighs.

"We gotta do something," he said, and with a move, Nel pushed against him, her soft breasts into his chest, her arms around his neck.

"We ... I ..." she said and he knew she wanted it just as badly as he did, something confirmed when she pushed him into the shower, his back hitting the tile, cold even through his shirt.

"Whatever," he panted, "you do, don't hit the knob ..." but his voice trailed off, painfully and weakly as she grabbed him, fingers running down the shaft of his penis, her thumb rubbing the head, fingers moving up and down, light and then harder and then so light almost as not to touch and he grunted, "Stop, you're going to make me come right now."

"Condom," she said and seeing his glare, she hissed, "I can't take a risk."

"This is lucky," he said, contorting to reach his back pocket," very lucky for you."

"Do you always carry a condom in your back pocket?"

"Only on the days you bring the milk," he said, and this was entirely truthful. He slipped it on as quickly as he could, already wet from precome and sighed, realizing this hadn't even slowed them down. He wanted it even more now.

He was right, if he didn't hurry, he would come.

Remedying, he grabbed her by the ass and lifted her closer onto him, entering her as she made motions to close the shower door to lean against for support, one of her knees against the shower tile, her pants and panties pooled around the other.

The door squeaked, opening when she lifted up to drive into him and shutting whenever she released, the two of them thrusting as hard as they could. Nnoitra could only think, almost displaced, of how strange this whole tryst had been. It was like a letter to Penthouse.

You'll never believe, he thought, the hand not steadying himself finding those breasts of hers again, pushing harder as he felt the soft, supple feel of the skin in his hand. There was nothing in the world like breasts and the way hers wouldn't fit entirely in his hand was amazing. You'll never believe, he started again, what I did with the milk lady ...

Her breath was coming shorter and more ragged and he could feel the throbbing, that feeling preceding an orgasm and he knew she was feeling it too or at least an amazing actress. Harder and faster, he noticed her hair was slick with sweat around the temples and she looked even more beautiful now than ever before, lips parted. It has been several years since he'd been with a woman and had missed this feeling.

Several years. Pang of guilt, most unwelcome. He gritted his teeth and thought, what I did to the milk lady, almost absently, trying to rid his thoughts of Tesla. With a final push, she screamed, head throwing back against the frosted glass of the shower door and her look of ecstasy was finally what he needed as he gasped, trying to be at least a bit quieter, coming.

In his passion, trying to contain it, he moved his hand and without thinking, grabbed the cold water knob and the shower started, Nel screaming again for a different reason.

"Fuck, fuck, sorry!" he said, turning it off, but the splashes of cold water felt good on his skin as he pulled out and realized the glass of the door was fogged and both of them were out of breath, spent and avoiding each other's eyes. At least she was avoiding his gaze. She didn't even look guilty, a look past guilt and he wondered what his face looked like. Almost the same.

It didn't matter now, though, what was done was done. She stepped out of the shower and began to clean herself off and he just leaned against the stall tile again, watching her through the fogged glass. He'd watched her from afar for so long and now he'd gotten what he'd wanted.

"I have to go to work," she said, shakily, a bit unsteady on her feet. He swallowed and nodded. She couldn't see him, so he said quietly, "Yeah. Go on."

Without another word, she slipped out of the bathroom, shutting the door quietly behind her and he turned the cold back on, his had still on the knob, feeling the water wash over him, not rinsing anything he'd want cleaned away at all.

like what you see? watch the comm!

timefoolery @ 2009-02-02T19:39:00

2009-02-03T01:42:25Z

Title: La La Love You
Words: 475
Fandom: Soul Eater
Pairing: Stein/Marie
Rating: PG-13
Autor's Notes: NEEDS MOAR

Sometimes when the sky is dark outside and the rooms in the house are dark and the only glow comes from the greenish light of the computer, Stein's distinctive outline silhouetted against the screen, Marie wonders if things could've been different.

It isn't a thought she entertains often, just in moments of solitude, even when there two souls in the room. He's engulfed in madness, and most of the time he just sits at his computer, staring blankly. Cranks his screw, and slumps back into willful catatonia.

She doesn't dare turn on the light when she comes home, but despite the warm air drifting in, everything seems cold.

She's walked into a morgue where hope and sanity lie limp tagged on slabs and no one seems willing to move the bodies.

She'll just move to her room, pausing briefly, words rolling in her mouth. She wants to ask "how are you", "are you hungry" but some days as soon as she has taken a breath, the will goes. Turning away, she'll just move to her room.

In one of the first days there they made love and a few times afterward. It didn't seem, with him, the way it did with other men. There was no chance of settling down, she knew that was gone. But they could enjoy what they had and he was so aggressive and she loved that.

Even down to running his slightly rough nails down her back, just lightly at first. She curled her hands around the cold metal of the screw and gripped it. It was such a surreal experience; raised scars, muscles, and a lack of tenderness she'd known before. She tried not to think of it as "making love" because it decidedly wasn't -- and it wasn't just meaningless sex either.

She hadn't known why they had done it, but it didn't seem outre at the time and still didn't.

Times like that are over and he's as closed off as ever, but not by any fault of his own and she doesn't blame him.

She does, however, see alternative futures. Becoming his partner out of Shibusen, marriage. There isn't scars on untouchable places of his personality; she can't "save him". She remembers after they ... had sex, he smoked, left. Almost clinical, another movement in his life. But there's a heart there. She won't give up on that.

Even after she's shut herself in, and slid against the door, she doesn't turn on the light, her fingers pausing on the switch. She just closes her eyes and listens to the sound of her breathing and his clicking, both in the dark and tries not to think if it couldn't have been like this.

But it's hard not to consider, as this place is their prison. She's surprised the windows haven't been covered, bars of their own loneliness and helplessness coating the panes like ice.

brief

2009-02-01T18:08:20Z

Title: Brief
Words: 500
Fandom: Bleach
Pairing: Yoruichi/Kuukaku
Rating: PG
Autor's Notes: Wrote this for the porn battle!

With a large bang and colors that made daylight possible in dark for seconds, the fireworks, previously lit in the wet grass, popped in the sky.

As quickly as they sparked in the sky, they were gone, only the ringing in ears and wisps of smoke left. Fireworks were like seconds themselves, time in sound and light. Exploding and ending all too briefly. As soon as you realize it, see it, grasp it, it's gone.

That wasn't the reason Kuukaku liked fireworks. She liked the noise, the sound and the impending feeling of danger. Of having your arms blown off, which had inevitably happened and she was reminded when it became cold and she could feel phantom pains where her limb once existed. That was half the fun, however. Out of a whole, the thrill could've taken up the whole appeal.

That was also the reason Kuukaku liked Yoruichi. She was like a walking firecracker herself, sparked with life and lit up. And that thrill, that underlying layer of danger. Not negatively, but she was unpredictable, quick. To feel her was to know her. To feel her underneath your fingers, hot and breathing, to feel her climax under your touch. To kiss her and feel her breathe in your ear.

She could hardly help make that comparison, watching Yoruichi's face awash in the light from the popping fireworks. As soon as the sound died down the chorus of cicadas and crickets rose in the summer air. She didn't think about things like that much, the why and the how.

She just ... did. Sometimes there seemed no reason for why anything happened at all. Life was chaos. But sometimes, out here at night, when she would show Yoruichi her latest works, and watch her face lit in the warm evening, she felt she could die her with the simplicity of the feeling. She wanted to lie in the grass afterward with Yoruichi and feel her spark, see the light on her face from pleasure. In these moments, nothing was expected of either of them. Nothing was needed to be explained, just the feeling of the electricity on the air, the light, the noise.

*

Time in Soul Society stretches on forever seemingly, year after year and you don't notice how long the years go by until you take them moment by moment and realize it's been fifty years, and a hundred years.

Time as a whole is unending, but certain moments are just seemingly seconds. Kuukaku never tried regret or never let herself entertain the thought of what might've been. You learn not to question things, she explains to herself and later to Ganju. Because there is nothing to question. Things happen and don't bring it up again.

But some nights, when she revisits the fields, she closes her eyes, and feels the wind, if any, on her suddenly hot skin and she knows everything is is fleeting -- the pop of fireworks, happy seconds, and her time with Yoruichi, all too brief and left to nothing but smoke.

timefoolery @ 2009-01-31T21:43:00

2009-02-01T03:43:01Z

TOASTING TOASTING