Look, you're very cute,

who knows me half as well as me

2013-11-03T10:15:48Z

LOOK. I wrote a thing! A thing longer than 1,000 words.

who knows me half as well as me | Hockey RPF | Jordan Eberle/Taylor Hall | 14,000 words | PG-13

Both of Jordan’s parents were wizards, but his father was Muggle-born, so Jordan and his siblings grew up rooting for both the Moose Jaw Meteorites and the Edmonton Oilers. Or as I kept describing it while I was writing it: Ebs is a wizard. He still plays hockey.

This is easily the longest thing I've ever written (14,000 words, what the fuck) and it's also the longest thing I've actually finished. It was mostly written during the first two, soul-crushingly hot weeks of August. I would stay at work until the sun set and it was cool enough to walk home, and then sit on a blanked on my roof and write until midnight because it was too hot to be inside and the later I stayed up, the longer I would sleep in in the morning and I wanted to sleep through as much of the day's heat as I could. So yeah, the writing went pretty quickly. The editing, however, took forever. Giant, huge thanks to accidentallymel for the excellent beta job.

Incidentally, while I was writing this, I went to a festival in a friend's town. People set up tents outside of town to sleep in, and we both thought they looked like the wizard tents from the Quidditch World Cup, which led to a discussion about what would you give up to be a wizard and just how difficult it must be for Muggle-borns to adjust to Hogwarts, both because of the magic AND because of all the Muggle conveniences they no longer have. I'd spent the last month thinking about that and had a LOT of thoughts. (Bethany gave me a weird look, so possible I had too many thoughts.)

Wizards tents at Moussem
What would you give up to be a witch? Would you give up the Internet or cell phones or your favorite TV show?

who knows me half as well as me notes

2013-11-03T09:41:41Z

So, the magic in who knows me half as well as me was lifted directly from Harry Potter (first fandom!). I came up with the idea for the story while I was working at camp this summer, and there was a *lot* of Harry Potter nostalgia going on. (A group of us would kill time before dinner by playing Harry Potter trivia games on Sporkle and we even ended up acting out scenes from the book in the lounge one night. (For the record, all of us were grown-ass ladies in our mid-twenties.) Cass would shout out two characters or an event and Bethy and I improvised the scene, only Bethy was tired and lying on a mattress so every time Cass said a character, she would shout, "And I'm lying on the ground."

Cass: The Hall of Prophecy
Me: I’m Sirius Black and I just fell through the veil *hides behind a curtain*
Bethy: I'm Ron Weasley, and I'm lying on the ground.

Cass: Harry Potter and Cho Chang
Bethy: ... and I'm lying on the ground.)

ANYWAY, this was as much a nostalgic romp through Harry Potter as it was a hockey fic, and pretty much everything magical mentioned in who knows me half as well as me comes from Harry Potter. (I spent a lot of time looking up spells on the Harry Potter Wiki.)

So, for people who are curious about any of the spells or anything else mentioned, and don’t want to go trolling through the depths of HP trivia, here are some notes.

According to Quidditch Through the Ages (and the internet), The Moose Jaw Meteorites are a Canadian Quidditch team based out of Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan, about 50 miles west of Regina, where Jordan grew up. They're considered one of the most successful Quidditch teams in the world and bb!wizard!Ebs would have definitely been a fan.
Bewitched snowballs are a charm that makes a snowball target a specific person.
The hot-air charm causes hot air to come out of a wand. It’s used to melt snow and dry clothes in the books.
Scourgify (or the Scouring Charm) is a cleaning spell used to clean an object.
Aparecium is a revealing charm that forces invisible ink or other hidden messages to appear.
I made up the Odoratus charm, but it would remove bad odors. I figured it's one any athlete should know and surely Ebs's mother would have taught him.
The comment about a fireplace in their apartment was a reference to the Floo Network, but after I wrote that part, I watched the tour of Hallsy & Ebs apartment on Oil Change (it was research) and turns out, they actually did have a fireplace.
Tergeo is another cleaning charm.
Obliviate(or the Memory Charm) is (obviously) used to remove a person’s memories.
While the Bubble-Head Charm is primarily used to breathe underwater, students also used it to avoid bad smells in OotP.
Reparois a Mending Charm that repairs a broken object.
The Re'em is native to the wilds of North America and the Far East. The Re'em is extremely rare, resembling giant oxen with a golden hide. Re'em blood gives immense strength to the drinker for a limited time. However, since demand far exceeds supply, and obtaining the blood in the first place is extremely difficult, it can rarely be found on the open market.
Muggle Repelling Charm - Keeps Muggles away from wizarding places by causing them to remember important meetings they missed or forget what they were doing. It’s used on large magical areas like the Quidditch World Cup and Hogwarts.
All the Quidditch teams I mention are real (“real”) Quidditch teams mentioned in Quidditch Through the Ages.
E. M. L. Potions Co. is an actual potions company seen on a label for Bundimun Pomade, a hair pomade, in HBP. Like I said, I did a lot of research.
Comb-a-Chameleon was a hairbrush sold at Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes that magically changed the user's hairstyle.
Aguamenti (or the Water-Making Spell) summons a jet of water from the caster’s wand.
Jelly-Legs Curse cases the victim’s legs to collapse.
The Epoximise spell glues objects together. If you attempt to separate the objects, the surface one of the targets would hold on to the other object, stretching and sticking to that object like chewing gum.
The Langlock Jinx causes the victims tongue to stick to the roof of their mouth.
The I Ching, also known as the Book of Changes, is an actual Chinese book. It’s one of the oldest of the Chinese classic texts, and contains a divination system comparable to Western geomancy.
Obliviators work for the Ministry of Magic and perform Memory Charms on any Muggle witnesses who sees something they shouldn't.
Bluebell Flames are a blue, magical fire that can be held without burning the holder. Hermione casts them a lot in SS.
A Confundus Charm confuses the victim and can be used to take advantage of the victim.

Somehow, miraculously, the Oilers schedule for 2010-2012 worked out in my favor and all the games/injuries I mentioned really happened, although I was totally willing to bend the truth for plot purposes.

who doesn't love a high school au?

2013-09-22T11:12:47Z

Sign-ups for hs_hockey open Thursday, September 19th at 12:01AM EST!

Rules | Schedule | Twitter | Tumblr

I have no idea what I'm going to write, and God and US government willing, I will be on a plane somewhere over the Atlantic the day fics are due, but how can I say no to a high school au. (Also, some of these boys actually went to high school in the US. Finally, I can write about something I actually know about.)

hockey people!

2013-08-30T21:18:48Z

So, I added a bunch of new people from the friending meme over at home_ice (hi new people!) and now I have fandom posts all over my flist and bunches of LJ comments to answer. It's like it's 2007 all over again! I'm really excited about finding hockey fans on LJ, since so far I've been lurking on Tumblr because I don't actually understand how fandom works on Tumblr. Like, Tumblr's a great platform to share images and gifs, but how do you talk to people there. No, seriously, how do you? Am I suppose to reblog something and comment then? And then they comment back by reblogging? Isn't that super annoying for everyone else following me who don't care about my conversations with other people? I'm too old for this shit.

Anyway, I'm lecturinginroom3b on Tumblr and til_midnight on Twitter, if you're looking for where else I hang out online. I don't really have any sort of introduction post, but I'm 28, am in the Peace Corps and live in rural Morocco. It's very hot here and I complain a lot during the summer. I taught myself how to make cheese, garlic and herb biscuits yesterday and now I never want to eat anything else. Feel free to ask if you want to know anything else about me. :)

Along with all the friending meme, there was a prompt challenge going on at home_ice and I ended up writing a bunch of little ficlets. The longer and more complete ones are on AO3, but eventually I figured out how to write actual drabbles.

i've got all this ringing in my ears (Jo/Nate) @AO3
circle the date (kidline OT3) @AO3
mine is the morning (Tsquared) @AO3

everything that matters breaks in two (Sid/Geno) (aka slightly depressing kidfic, what the hell is wrong with me)

Sidney thought the hardest part of spending a month in Russia would be abiding by Russia's anti-gay laws. Not that he and Geno were a publicly demonstrative couple back in Pittsburg, but the knowledge that he couldn't hold his boyfriend's hand in public if he wanted to set like a rock in Sid's stomach. As much as the laws rankled, however, the hardest part was the orphanage in Magnitogorsk that Geno volunteered at during the off season.

Sidney had been looking forwards to visiting the orphanage. He liked kids; they made so much more sense than their grown-up versions, and he knew that Geno had been visiting regularly since returning to Russia. "There no much money or caretakers. It sometimes hard to be there," Geno had warned him before they came, but Sid hadn't fully understood what that meant until they arrived. The orphanage was a small, concrete building with a postage stamp of a yard in the back. Inside, it was hot and flies buzzed in the still air. There were three rooms, two lined with cribs, the other with beds, and Sid could hear at least three different children crying over the Russian soap opera on the TV in the corner.

Geno led Sidney into a room full of babies, two to a crib. One of the babies, a little boy still small enough to almost fit in Sidney's hand, was crying pitifully, and when Sidney looked in the crib, his face and hair were covered in spit-up and the still full bottle that had been propped up by a towel had slipped out of his mouth. Geno scooped the boy up, careful to support the back of his neck, used the towel to clean off his face and onesie and passed him to Sid.

"This Lyosha. He only two weeks old."

"Hey, baby," Sidney said softly to the child, cradling him in the crook of his arm. He took the bottle Geno handed him and Lyosha settled instantly, eating intently and staring up at Sidney with huge, solemn eyes.

"You feed Lyosha and other babies. I go let bigger babies out of cages," Geno told him, walking into the next room, which had seven bored toddlers confined in three cribs.

Hours later, Geno came back from playing blocks with the older children to find Sid with Lyosha still cradled in the crook of his arm, an older baby standing on his lap and industriously chewing his hair and another child lying on his back on the floor, tugging on Sid's foot. Sidney was singing Oh Canada softly and awkwardly rocking Lyosha with one arm.

"Sid. Not sing Oh Canada to Russian babies. Sing Russian national anthem."

Sidney blushed. "It's the only song besides The Hockey Song I know all the words too," he admitted, "and I've already sang that one three times. Lyosha cries every time I put him down and I want him to fall asleep before we leave."

"Is easier when other baby not hitting him," Geno told him, gently untangling Sid's hair from the baby's grip. "Give me Vanya. You have many babies."

"I couldn't just let them lie in their crib and cry. I want to take care of them all."

"We come back tomorrow," Geno said gently, hand on Sidney's shoulder. "And maybe one day, we take one forever."

Sidney leaned against Geno. "One day I'd like that."

the carolina heat isn't something that keeping a cool head can beat (EStaal/JSkinner)

Jeff headed back to Raleigh in late August, a little before training camp was set to begin so he and Eric could have a few weeks of calm together before the season started. After three years, Jeff loved Raleigh. He loved tea so sweet it made his teeth ache and messy BBQ sandwiches. Showing up to the RBC for workouts felt like coming home, even if there wasn't any ice yet, and after a long summer apart, Jeff loved that in Raleigh, he could come home to his boyfriend at the end of the day.

He might love Raleigh, but that didn't mean he had to be a fan of the Piedmont's weather in August. It was hot. Hot and humid and sticky and oppressive. Raleigh in August was miserable.

He and Eric grilled (it was called grilling, not barbecuing in the South, he'd learned) dinner in Eric's stupidly big backyard their first weekend back. It was stupidly domestic, with a table set on the back porch, fireflies just starting to come out and cicadas whining in the background, but the steaks were barely on the grill before Jeff was seriously contemplating shaving his hair off just to avoid the way he had immediately started to sweat under his curls and at the nape of his neck the second he stepped foot outside. Eric flipped their sneaks and prodded them with the spatula, communing with his meat, before dropped down on the porch bench next to Jeff, slinging an arm over his shoulder and nosing into his space for a kiss. Jeff leaned into the kiss eagerly, needy for touch after so long apart, but before long he felt himself sweating everywhere Eric was touching him, and finally he had to pull back and wiggle out from under Eric's arm, fanning himself and pressing a now lukewarm Gatorade against the back of his neck.

Eric laughed at him, no subtly at all. "Oh shut it, Staal. I love you, I just love more when there's AC."

play dates (PKane gen kidfic)

Madelyn Sharp was Patrick’s fifth favorite girl, after his mom and sisters. She was definitely his best girl in Chicago and Patrick never turned down the opportunity to hang out, which is why Sharpy picked Maddy up from Pat’s house after his and Abby’s date night (Pat’s pretty sure they just stayed home, made fun of terrible TV and tried to make another baby) to find Madelyn drawing a picture of “Uncle Kaner and Daddy winning the Stanly cup” on Patrick’s upper arm in marker. Mostly, it was a blue blob with two smaller red dots and one enormous gray dot.

“Nice ink, Peeks,” Sharpy said as he collected his offspring.

“Are you seriously chirping your own child’s artistic skills?”

“You know washable doesn’t mean that’s going to come off before practice, right?”

Patrick shrugged, swooping in to press a loud kiss against Maddy’s cheek and see if he could get her to hit Sharpy as she squealed and flailed in delight. He could. Kaner: 1, Sharpy: 0. “Everyone will just have to be jealous that they didn’t get to spend the evening coloring with the best Sharp.”

Based on the amount of chirping and Jonny’s unimpressed look at Patrick’s biceps, which was a smeared blue mess, it was hard to see their jealousy, but Patrick knew the truth.

party crashers (Tazer gen)

Jonny should have been safe. He had been careful and covered his tracks: gave a false name at registration, made sure to hide his face with a hat on the plane and told everyone he was spending the week fishing at the lake and wouldn’t have cell service. No one even knew he was a comic book fan. Despite all his precautions though, the first damn thing he saw when he stepped onto the convention floor at Comic Con was Patrick Kane, wearing a Superman T-shirt and unfortunate hair. Jonny retreated quickly, grateful that he was in costume and there was no chance Kaner had recognized him.

Like Batman, Jonny was the night.

Also, speaking of fic, I finished my Hall/Ebs HP!AU last night. It's 12,000 words, which means I've finally successfully written something that's longer than 1,000 words! Anyway, if anyone would willing to look over it or do some hand holding while I figure out how to deal with plot, that would be awesome.

best birthday present

2013-02-27T13:44:31Z

I was in Rabat for medical last week, and I spent a bunch of time hanging out in the volunteer lounge in between appointments, only the wi-fi wasn't work, which is crap since it is my sacred right as a PCV to be able to update the software on my laptop when I come to the capital. BUT ANYWAYS, it meant that I suddenly had a bunch of free time with my computer and I ended up opening the 1D fic I started writing this summer (working title: pretend boyfriends, dammit), before summer camp and Ramadan killed all inspiration, and reading it for the first time since August, and turns out, I'm almost finished. Like, really almost finished. I have two or three short scenes left to write and I need to finish one or two more scenes, but I'm basically 1,000 words from being done. AND I didn't hate it. While I was writing it, I felt like the pacing and flow were all to hell, but re-reading it six months later, I actually thought it was decent. So yeah, someone should glare at me until I finish that.

And speaking of One Direction, look what Sarah sent me for my birthday.

Not pictured: three blocks of cheese.

For my 28th birthday, my asshole friends went to Target, bought me 1D TOOTHPASTE and tiny notebooks and then shipped them to me in Morocco. They almost bought me the 1D Girl Talk game, but apparently decided against it since it would have cost like $50 to ship and let's be real, I would have played it once for a laugh and then left here. Man, my friends are the best. I haven't used the toothpaste yet, but I stuck the 1D-on-a-farm notebook in my purse and I use it to write down random Arabic words (both that I hear and that I need to look up when I get home). So far, the highlights include 'dirt' (nukasa), 'sand' (rumala) and my new favorite Arabic word 'very tired' (madigadiga).

possibly a terrible idea

2012-07-18T13:35:16Z

Okay, so Zyan is Muslim and the Internet tells me he tweeted about fasting last year (so it must be true), which makes me want to write gen fic about Zayn and Ramadan. DOES THAT MAKE ME A HORRIBLE PERSON? I think it might, kinda, but Ramadan would have JUST started when Zayn got to the bungalow (it actually started the day the other of the boys arrived, but Zayn arrived a few days later, which is probably not a coincidence) and so they were getting to know each other and becoming a band in the middle of Zayn fasting. And just, I want to write fic about the rest of the boys mocking Zayn for sleeping every afternoon (because he’s hungry) and Harry staying up late so he can cook Zayn food in the middle of the night and everyone trekking to the McDonalds (which in my heart is 24 hours, even though I know it probably isn’t) for the pre-dawn meal one day.

And then when the boys were at the judges’ house, it was still Ramadan, and not only was it Zayn’s first real trip away from home, it’s the middle of a major holiday, and didn't Zayn talked about being homesick? So the boys all research Ramadan in an attempt to cheer Zayn up, and they look up what traditional Ramadan food is and then Niall (because he speaks Spanish!) hunts all over Marabella for dates so Zayn can have a traditional meal for breaking his fast.

And I don’t know, the boys could try and fast with Zayn one day in solidarity and everyone assumes Niall will fail out because Niall + food is a real life OTP but he doesn’t because it’s Zayn and it’s important.

I don’t know, I just want this. Am I allowed to write it?

The two main topics on my mind recently have been Ramadan and One Direction. It's only natural to combine then, right?

voice meme

2012-07-14T09:45:44Z

I did that 1D voice meme that's been going around, because I love hearing other people's accents. It took me like, ten tries to successful record this because I kept sounding like an idiot or incorrectly using the voice memo feature on my iPod. So, give it a listen if you want ten minutes of me rambling about stupid boybands giving me feelings. (All of them good.)

(Also, for the record, I was born and raised in the south. I have almost no accent. Not sure how that happened.)

1. How did you get sucked into the One Direction madness? (do you want to blame someone in particular?) How long ago did it happen?
2. What do you wish the next record will be like?
3. Who is your favourite? (and don't say you love them equally. If you can't judge otherwise, look into your 1D folder on your computer, which member's photos have you saved the most? or whose photos do you reblog the most on Tumblr) What is it about this person you like so much? Has your favourite changed during the time you've been involved in the fandom?
4. Who is your least favourite? (I know this might seem horrible, but try. We know you still love them even if they're not your favourite.) Has that changed?
5. Have you seen them live? If so, how was it? If not, would you like to?
6. Do you have an otp in this fandom? If you do, tell us a bit about why the pairing is your favourite?
7. Do you have a One Direction pairing that you don't particularly ship/like to read?
8. Do you have favourite story tropes? What are they?
9. Is there a 1D fic you wish someone would write?
10. Are you working on a story right now? Do you want to tell us a little about it?
11. Anything else you'd like to add?

I watched Spiderman and all I got were these feelings

2012-07-12T22:02:51Z

I saw The Amazing Spider-man today and it was amazing and perfect and totally worth all the hoops I had to jump through to see it. (The nearest movie theater that doesn't dub all their movies in French is in Casablanca which isn't actually close and also, I hate hate hate Casablanca. I did it as a day trip, which isn't the craziest day trip I've ever done, but it's pretty bad. I spent NINE hours traveling to watch a two hour movie and spend an hour and a half sitting in McDonald's, and I don't even want to add up how much I spent today because it was totally wroth it.) (Totally worth it, but the movie ticket alone was more than what spend on food in a week. Ouch.)

Andrew Garfield as perfect as Peter Parker. Tobey Maguire was never my Spiderman and especially by the end of that franchise (which I don't think I even bothered to watch), I was so sick of those movies and off Spiderman, and I was wary about the reboot because I just didn't like the other ones, but this Spiderman totally did it for me. More banter, more bitchy teenage Peter Parker, more feelings! And ugg, Andrew Garfield is *such* a good actor and I kept getting distracted by what a good *physical* actor he was and how perfectly he imitated being an awkward, gangly teenager who's still getting use to his own skin. So, so good! And I love love loved snarky, awkward moody teenage Peter Parker. LOVED!

Emma Stone was *amazing* as Gwyn Stacey. (At one point the friend I was seeing it with leaned over and said something about what a good actress Emma Stone was and I just made fingerhearts in agreement.) Also, Gwyn Stacey had agency, which filled me with glee. She was smart (probably smarter than Peter Parker, or at least getting better grades) and never actually had to be rescued by Peter. She saved Peter when the Lizard Connor attacked the school, she stayed behind at OsCorp to evacuate the building and make the antidote, she made a damn blowtorch and defended herself. She wasn't just the romantic interest and she and Peter bantered and also, her shoes were amazing. In short: loved Gwyn Stacey.

I kept leaning over to Kim and whispering, "SCIENCE!" during all the tech scenes, which were ridiculous, but that's okay, because science is movie speak for magic. During the crane scene, Kim leaned over and said something about how there would never be that much construction in that concentrated of an area and I had to hiss at her to be quiet because I was busy having FEELINGS, okay. And why can't I find that clip online?

Also, Kim commented on how Andrew's hair would never fit under that mask and I laughed and laughed and told her that it was because Andrew Garfield's hair is MAGIC.

Awesome movie was awesome and I wish I could see it again. Now if only I could manage to see The Hunger Games and Avengers.

I use to be a real adult, promise

2012-07-11T20:31:43Z

In case in one was wondering if I'd been able to reclaim my dignity and self respect, or if I'm still overly emotionally invested in a bunch of teenagers, the answer is one direction straight to hell.

I swear, I was never this interested in boybands when I was the appropriate age. (Pretty sure boybands weren't made of happiness and sunshine and rainbows and feelings when I was the appropriate age.)

I'm writing fic for the first time in ages, and this pretend boyfriend fic just reached 10k and needs at least another 5k before it's finished, what the everloving hell. I've never written anything this long or with this much of a plot. I keep poking at it and shouting, "Stop developing side plots. And feelings. Why won't you end?"

Also, this is giving me so many Hogwarts!au feelings that I'm not letting myself deal with until pretend boyfriends fic is finished.

“Which Harry Potter house would you be sorted in to?”

Niall: Hufflepuff

Liam: Gryffindor

Harry: Ravenclaw

Louis and Zayn: Slytherin

So, they're all in different houses, and everyone knows that houses at Hogwarts are about as friendly with each other as the cliques in Mean Girls, but somehow the five of them meet and become BFFs. Louis and Zayn are in the same house, obviously, and Louis and Harry have been friends their entire life. I'm not sure about Niall and Liam yet, but somehow they become this group of inter-house harmony that keeps getting kicked out of the library because all they really want is a place to hang out and play Exploding Snaps and dare each other to eat Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans. Finally, Liam sucks it up and asks the Weasley twins if they know of a place he can hang out with his friends from other houses, and the twins totally think he's trying to hook up with someone, but they tell him about the Room of Requirement anyways, so the boys just have to figure out how to sneak out of their own common rooms and they have a place to hang out. And of course the twins totally stake out the Room of Requirement because they want to know who Liam is hooking up with, but all they see are a bunch of different guys going in, so now they tease Liam about his gay inter-house orgies and Liam wants to die a little.

So yeah, if anyone was wondering what I spent today thinking about, there you go.

(If I stare at the internet hard enough, this will appear. That's how the internet works, right?)

I've also started collected gifs, somewhat by accident. I was just going to save a couple of my absolute favorites, and then they took over my desktop, so now I have a folder called "so apparently I collect gifs now?"

One of my new favorite things in when I hear Arabic in the background of TV shows or movies and can understand it. It doesn't happen very often, because I don't actually hear background Arabic all the often, plus my Arabic is still pretty crap AND I know Moroccan Arabic, which is by no means the same as Modern Standard, but it happens sometimes. Like Iron Man, which I could understand huge chunks of (which is actually problematic, since Arabic isn't spoken in Afghanistan) or in Leverage, when Elliot calls the little Iraqi girl habibti (which isn't actually gramatically correct, but it's really close). SO, if anyone asks why I've spent as much time as I have staring at a shirtless teenager, it's because I'm trying to read the script of his tattoo. ~~And I keep being distracted by his face.~~ No one can ever prove otherwise. I have no excuses for all the other Zayn pictures.

Niall looks like he's about twelve, and this is from a year or so ago, so he basically was twelve, but that's still an amazing laugh.

Uggg, this is just a beautiful shot with beautiful colors. Louis and Liam are my otp.

Liam and Zayn are my other otp. Look at that hug, how can I not love them?

Liam is my favorite and I just want him to get cuddles by his attractive bandmates. Or his gorgeous, real life girl friend. Basically, I'm just overly invested in this child's happiness and want him to have good things always.

Lips. And tongue. You're welcome.

Fandom Ruins Lives

2012-06-28T21:51:20Z

So, the scene. I'm sitting at the world's worst Mexican restaurant (they only served Moroccan food, but it was called El Sombrero and had tiny margaritas) with three friends/fellow PCVs, and they start talking about anal sex, as you do. (The conversation started with contraception and then segued to butt sex, I'm not sure how.) Except this was a really basic introduction to butt sex and my sitemate was explaining about things like lube and the need for prep. I spent half the conversation with my head down on the table, laughing and laughing, because she was so serious and earnest about how you can't just stick it up there.

Everyone thought I was mortified and kept asking if I was uncomfortable. I swore up and down that no really, I was fine, but I couldn't explain that I was laughing because I already know all this and had forgotten that not everyone does because they would ask how I know all about butt sex and I'm terrible at lying on the spot and wasn't about to tell a bunch of norms that I learned all about anal sex when I stubbed across Harry Potter smut on the school library when I was fifteen.

Fandom, you have ruined me for normal human interaction.

FO

2012-06-26T09:06:19Z

(mostly) friends only | fic and some fandom squee unlocked, rl locked | comment to be added

fic: help us most to grow (1D rps)

2012-06-22T11:52:38Z

Um, so apparently I now write fic. When I said I had fallen hard for 1D, apparently I wasn't kidding.

help us most to grow

fandom: 1D RPS
pairing: gen (ot5)
rating: PG
summery: Liam hadn’t used to be so handsy. And then he joined One Direction.
a/n: Title is from "For Good" from Wicked, which is a bit cheap, I know, but it beats the working title, which was once more with feelings. Thanks to harriet_vane for encouragement and for reminding me that I should stick to the same tense throughout. And for sucking me into this entire madness in the first place, I guess.

Liam hadn’t used to be so handsy. And then he joined One Direction.

It was Liam’s first trip home since the album dropped and the Up All Night tour, and while he remembered being bored when he was home over Christmas, after the American tour and the press and interviews and being on Saturday Night Live, boredom actually sounded pretty great.

It was his first night home, and Ruth and Nicola were watching telly on the couch when Liam wandered through on his way to the kitchen. "Is that Glee?" Liam asked.

"Mmhmm," Ruth said. "It's the one where Kurt sings that song from Evita."

"I love this one. Push over," he told his sisters, clambering over the back of the loveseat to squeeze into the small space between them.

"Li-am," Nicola complained. "There's a chair right there."

"But I'm already sitting down," Liam told her, shifting until the girls rearranged themselves so all three were wedged into the small space.

"Missed us, did you?" Ruth asked.

"Yeah, I guess so," Liam told her, casually flinging an arm around his sister as he tried to harmonize with The Warblers's version of “Somewhere Only We Know.” "How wild is it that Glee's actually covered one of our songs?!"

***

Liam spent the first day of vacation being gloriously lazy: sleeping late, washing his clothes and enjoying a regular shower that wasn't at a venue after a show. He went for a long run and spent the afternoon watching reruns with Ruth and messing around on the piano, but after the first day, the lethargy started to drive him crazy, and he was excited when the weekend rolled about and his school friends were free.

Liam had been home at Christmas, but the Up All Night tour started in early January and he had needed to stop by London before going to Bournemouth for training, so this was the first time he'd seen any of his friends since before Up All Night was released, and as much as he loved his band, he missed his normal friends.

Liam had known Andy since they were in primary school. They were both quiet, serious children who spent hours playing with toy cars and blocks in the backyard. Seth had been Liam’s lab partner in biology and sat with him at lunch, and they’d been friends ever since. Andy and Seth were quiet and reserved and had never once tried to lick or bite Liam.

Andy and Seth both come home for the weekend and they meet at a bowling alley Friday night. Liam was the last to arrive because he had to wait forever for Ruth to give him a lift.

"Fashionable late, eh Payne," Andy shouted as Liam climbed out of the car.

Liam laughed. "It was Ruth you were waiting on," he protested.

Andy gave him a critical look. "Maybe. It looks like your hair takes less long to fix now."

"Shove it, you twat," Liam told him, grinning. He flung an arm around Andy and pulled him into a proper hug. "It's been ages since I saw you guys."

"Well, you've been busy," Seth said.

"It's been a crazy year," Liam allowed, letting Andy go and giving Seth a hug in greeting.

"Come on, let's bowl."

Liam was no good at bowling.

"You are truly terrible at bowling," Seth told him solemnly after Liam rolled his last ball with a commanding score of 18.

Liam laughed and sat down next to Seth, stretching his legs out and bumping his knee against the other boy's. "Fine, Mr. I Have 120 Points And Have Managed To Knock At Least One Pin Down Each Turn. Show me how it's done."

Seth glanced down at the long line where their legs touched and where Liam's borrowed bowling shoe rested on Seth’s ankle, then glanced at the row of empty chairs across the table, and shot Liam a strange look before shaking it off, standing up and saying, "Watch and learn, young Padawan. Watch and learn."

***

The next afternoon, Andy, Seth and his girlfriend Amy dragged Liam out to the shops. It felt weird being out without the other guys and the constant buzz of attention that usually surrounded them, but Amy had a mission and promptly led them into a bright shop full of costume jewelry and improbably decorated hats.

Liam barely knew Amy - Andy had met her at uni after Liam had left for the X Factor - but she was cheerful and sunny and after spending a weekend with his old friends, who were a lot more reserved than Liam remembered them being, Amy's bright, easy laugh was strangely reassuring.
The store was full of hats, from berets to trilbies, in the most eye-searing colors Liam had ever seen. He had picked up a blue and white striped top hat that instantly reminded him of Louis when Amy returned, holding a pile of truly outrageous hats - a bright red porkpie, a deerstalker in neon plaid and a green and purple paisley fedora.

"I found some hats you should try on," she told Seth brightly.

"Those are awful," Seth told her flatly.

"I don't know," Liam chimed in, twirling a fez with a rainbow tassel on this finger before perching it on his head. "I quite like this one. And this one," he grabbed the fedora, "would look fantastic on you."

"See, Liam agrees with me," Amy said, grabbing the hat out of Liam's hand and purposefully walking towards Seth.

"Fame has changed you," Seth told Liam darkly, backing away from Amy's bright grin.

Liam laughed and leaned against Andy, hooking his chin over Andy's shoulder to watch Seth's attempt to fend off his girlfriend. "I think you need a bow tie with that outfit."

Andy's back went stiff against Liam, and after a long minute, he ducked away from Liam, giving him the same look Seth had shot him at the bowling alley last night. "Do you feel okay, mate?"

"Yeah, sure," Liam told him, confused. "Enjoying my time off and all."

"Don't you think that's a bit queer?"

"What, Seth's hat?"

"No, how you're constantly touching everyone."

Liam thought about it. "No, not really. We mates, right? What's wrong with mates occasionally giving the other a hug?"

"Mates don't usually lean on each other like this."

Liam thought his boys and how they were constantly in each others space, bumping hips and arms slung casually over shoulders. He thought about the easy, casual affection they had for each other, and Liam wasn't stupid. He knew that his band had a different concept of personal space that most people and he remembered how strange the constant hugs and poking and the lack of personal boundaries had been during the first few weeks of live shows. Liam had spent hours locked in the bathroom of the X Factor house, frantically texting Andy "louis just lickd my face, wtf" and "harry nad zayn wont stop pullign my hair, why didnt simon put me in a band w/ normal people."

But that was before he realized that the constant hugs and hands skimming over his back were his band's way of showing affection. It had taken Liam months to realize that when the pressure and the stress of the live shows and then the record contract and trying to corral four other teenage boys into something resembling order and discipline was enough to give him a headache, Louis would drag him away from his schedule and into a hug, and make him watch a movie, still wrapped around him like an octopus, until Liam felt the tension pooling in his shoulders melt away. When the crowds surrounding them started to get larger and louder and Niall started to get claustrophobic, it felt natural for Liam to wrap an arm around him until he relaxed. And sure, maybe Harry and Louis had a special relationship, even to people who knew them, and to an outsider, Louis's obsession with pinching Liam's nipple was a bit outside the bounds of normal social interaction, but it wasn’t gay. It's just them, and Liam suddenly realized that he didn’t want to over analyze his relationship with his best friends, so he just shrugged and said, "Some mates do."

"I don't know if it's the fame, but something's changed you, mate," Andy told him.

"Either way, I think Seth would look great with a bow tie."

***

When he got back to London, Liam barely dropped his bag in his house before heading straight to Louis and Harry's apartment. Zayn and Louis were already there, sprawled on the couch watching the same marathon of Glee reruns that Liam had enjoyed with his sister during vacation. Zayn automatically lifted his legs to let Liam slip into the space between him and Louis. Liam settled down, leaning against Louis with Zayn's legs across his lap.

Louis absent-mindedly patted Liam's hair, his eyes still trained on the TV. "Have a good break, Li?"

"It was alright. Spent a lot of time with my mates from school. They think the band has turned me queer."

"Has it? Zayn asked.

Liam laughed. "Have you seen Danielle?"

"She is fit," Zayn agreed.

"They said I act differently now. That I touch people more, and that it's a bit queer."

Louis snorted. "You were practically a robot during the X Factor. Now you act normal and they're still robots."

Liam grinned, and batted Louis's hand away from where it was inching towards his chest. "Maybe, but at least no one tried to pinch my nipple this weekend."

"That means your defenses are weak and you must be trained again," Louis told him solemnly.

"The best defense is a good offense," Liam told him, smacking his hand away, then squawking when Zayn took advantage of his distraction and leaned over to tweak Liam's other nipple.

Liam elbowed Zayn in the side in retaliation before grabbing Louis's hand to prevent future attacks and settling back to enjoy the show.

"How wild is it that Glee's covered one of our songs?"

"I know," the others agreed.

til_midnight @ 2012-06-10T19:48:00

2012-06-10T19:48:30Z

Dear fandom,

Where is the Grease!AU 1D fic? Obviously, Louis is Danny and Liam is Sandy, because Louis as Danny is canon and if anyone is going to play the virgin who doesn't smoke or drink, it's Liam Payne. Harry would be Danny's best friend Kenickie and Niall and Zayn would be the Pink Ladies Rizzo and Frenchie.

Zayn would be Frenchie because like Frenchie, Zayn is very concerned about hair care and probably has a lot of practice as a beautician. That makes Niall Rizzo, which means apparently I ship Harry/Niall in this fic.

And I don't know, that's about all I have. There's the whole plot with the rival gang and the race, but I don't know who would play the Scorpions and there's Niall/Rizzo's pregnancy scare, but mpreg-nancy scares isn't really a fic troupe, now is it. Liam would have to flirt with someone to make Louis jealous and Louis would become a running to impress Liam, which would probably work.

I don't know, I just really want Louis and Liam singing Summer Nights apparently.

Sign That Maybe I'm A Little Obsessed

2012-05-23T09:07:49Z

SCENE: Sitting in my living room. BFF Sarah is playing Plants vs. Zombies and I'm fiddling around on my computer. (Clearly I'm a fantastic host.)

BF: Have you heard about the new British band that's suppose to be the new Jonas Brothers.
Me (thinks): AHAHAHA. And also, my current Firefox window is three fics, a primarily 1D Tumblr and my previous post. Plus, I was writing 1D fic while I waited for you to wake up this morning.
Me (out loud): Yes, it's One Direction. They're kinda my favorite thing in the world right now.
BF: Of course they are.
BF: They were getting a lot of publicity when they were in America.
Me: Really? I heard one of their songs coming from a car when I was walking past the high school last week.
BF: I haven't heard any of their music.
Me: Taking that as an invitation to play their music. *opens iTunes, plays "What Makes You Beautiful"* *pulls up picture of One Direction, luckily a picture online and not my hard drive because that would be embarrassing*
BF: They're adorable!
Me: I KNOW! *does not mention feelings*
BF: How old are they?
Me: Eighteen to twenty.
BF: They are not that old. They're like, twelve. Which one's 20?
Me: That one. *points to Louis*
BF: He looks like the youngest one.
Me: This is the youngest one. *points to Harry* He's only barely eighteen. These two are also eighteen, and that one's nineteen.
BF: You just happen to know all that.
Me (thinks): At least I didn't use their names.
Then later, BF: Their music is actually pretty good.
Me: :D:D:D:D

I just, I so rarely have fandom intersect with real life. I have the occasional HP fandom friends and like, I occasionally meet people who tell me what a big fan they are of P!atD, but that's about it, especially here.

One Direction (Straight To Hell)

2012-05-20T22:24:34Z

Thing #2 making me happy are my awesome new Aladdin pants that I bought this weekend in Marrakesh, because a) it's hot, b) these are literally the most perfect pants ever, no seriously, they're look like a peacock vomited a rainbow all over MC Hammer's iconic pants and c) it cracks me up how incredulous people back home are about me actually wearing these in public. (Dear people back home, have you MET me? These are my SECOND pair of peacock-rainbow vomit Aladdin pants.)

I mean, Thing #2 making me happy is actually One Direction. One Direction is a British boyband. The five members auditioned for the X-Factor in 2010 as solo artists, were cut in bootcamp and cried a lot, but then Simon Cowell put them all together in a band. They instantly ~~fell in love~~ became best friends and brothers, came in third and cried a lot again, and then Cowell signed them and now they’re kinda a big deal, I think? (I don’t know, I’m pretty hazy on anything that’s happened in the US in the past eight months. I didn't know what The Avengers was until my entire flist started talking about it and I didn’t realize that The Hunger Games was shot in my hometown until my dad told me I’d been to a bunch of the places from the arena. It's not just pop culture I'm confused about. I'm only somewhat aware of what this whole Occupy Wall Street movement is, and apparently Newt Gingrich was running for President, what? Joys of being in the Peace Corps. I do know that One Direction is at least a tiny bit of a thing in Morocco, because I heard What Makes You Beautiful when I was walking down the street of my middle-of-nowhere, rural Moroccan town.)

So yeah, One Direction is a band. And sure they're a manufactured boy band but a) they're a *good* manufactured boy band and b) if you say you don't like bouncy, happy pop music, I say shut up, I think you're lying. Their album is ridiculous and catchy and fun and makes me happy. I had to go to Figuig, a town waaaaay out on the Algerian border, for work a few weeks ago, and while Figuig is lovely, it took three solid days of buses and trains and then more buses to get there. I started to listed to One Direction's album, Up All Night, at the start of the trip and I have never been so happy to be forced to sit on public transportation with headphones in in my life. (Seriously, the first days was TWELVE HOURS on a bus AND the bus broke down for a while, and then the train didn't exactly break down, but there's only one track, so we kept having to wait for ages at tiny, rural stations while the train coming in the other direction passed and then we kept having to stop while desert nomads [no, seriously] tried to sell us legumes and sheep on the side of the road, but I didn't even care because I was busy listening to What Makes You Beautiful on repeat.)

The boys themselves (there are five - Louis, Harry, Niall, Liam and Zayn - ranging from barely 18 to 20) are adorable and really pretty and also, they touch each other a lot. No, a lot.

I don't know what's going on here, or why Harry's pants have fallen off, but I think this is a regular occurrence for this band.

Liam is too smart to get crushed! Also, Zayn's getting all handsy with Harry.

And this is Louis trying to pinch Liam's nipple. This is not the first time he's tried it and clearly, Liam has gotten wise of Louis's tricks.

Everyone touching everyone. (Also a common occurrence.)

Louis (cheek-pincher with aggressively sideways hair) and Harry (cheek-pinchee with aggressively curly hair) have a very *special* relationship that mostly involves lots of groping and biting each other.

This is from their actual music video for their song One Thing. Zayn, your face is ridiculous.

Liam and Louis are my favorites, I think. Why isn't their more fic about these two?

And whoops, that got a bit out of control, although I did just spend a very enjoyable half hour trolling Tumblr for gifs. :):):) But, they're pretty and handsy and talk a lot about how much they love each other and how they're best friends, and sometimes it's so precious that it makes me claw at my face. For example, they have FRIENDSHIP BRACELETS, I can't even. The fic basically writes itself, it's precious.

And like, I don't even know where I'm going with this. Just, One Direction is adorable and makes me happy, but also, it's been a really long time - years - since I've actually fallen head over heels for a fandom and I've forgotten how much fun *that* can be, especially when you first fall into it and one day you can't figure out who anyone is and then like, two days later you are busy quote facts about their personal life.

Also, I'm writing fic for the first time FOUR YEARS (and I don't think I've finished anything since, yep, freshman year of college.) And it's ot5 gen fic? That was suppose to be a drabble, but keeps getting longer. There's no actual plot, but it keeps getting longer, whoops.

Friends Only

2011-10-03T14:18:23Z

One of the things Peace Corps did when we arrived in Morocco (even before the lesson about how to flush a Turkish toilet), was have a session about policy. There was a section about blogs, and we were told that although we were welcomed to keep a blog, we were required to give Peace Corps the URL so they could monitor what we wrote.

I’m required to have a disclaimer on my blog now. There are things I’m not allowed to write about. There are things I’m not allowed to have a public opinion about. There are things I’m not allowed to even TALK about with Moroccans. Now that I’m a government employee, the first amendment no longer applies to me. I know from friends already in the Peace Corps that this isn’t just a formality, and that my blog will be watched and that if I say something they disapprove of, I will hear about it and be told to take it down or face consequences.

Guys, this blog has been with me since I was a depressed, emo seventeen year old. It saw me through drunk posts in college and the disaster that was my first real job. It’s seen me in many different countries and at least a dozen fandoms. I have slashy pornfiction and some terrible teenage emo poetry in my archives. I am both unwillingly to censor myself here and deeply uncomfortable with the idea of my boss or my government having a link to this blog. I am also unwilling to stop blogging. As silly and trivial as LJ is, this blog is a record of over a third of my life and I don’t want it to stop now.

And so I’m going friends only. I’ll come up with a friending policy in a few months when I get to my final site and figure out what my regular internet access will be. (This isn’t a de-friending post. I’m not touching my current friends-list, although I haven’t so much as glanced at my flist since I got to homestay.) If for some reason you’re not on my friends list, comment and I’ll probably add you, or you can check out the Other Blog (which is actually a few years old at this point, since people at home wanted a link to my Korea blog and I didn't want them here), which is public and watched by the government, but will probably almost identical to what’s being posted here.

til_midnight @ 2011-09-07T00:03:00

2011-09-07T04:03:00Z

I LOVE conversations that begin with: "Sorry, I'm really drunk right now" "Nah, that's okay, so am I."* They always end with declarations of love (even if you never actually got the other person’s name).

Anyways, went out to the bar with the brother tonight, ostensibly just to talk before I fuck off to North Africa for a few years, but there were cocktail samples and then vodka happened and now I'm distinctly tispy. Everything is a bit blurry around the edges. Among others, I had a bacon cantaloupe martini which a) was delicious and b) I christened the anti-Morocco. Neither bacon nor alcohol will feature heavily in my next few years.

Speaking of which, guys, I leave in, holy shit, FIVE days, which might be why I was so eager to jump on drinking bandwagon. (I'm currently dealing with the panic attacks by a) not packing and b) reading JoBro/bandom fic, so, you know, if you have any recs.)

*Drunk I may be, but not so drunk that I didn't spend a ridiculous amount of time trying to figure out if I formatted those bit of conversations correctly. SPaG is important, man. Nor was I too drunk to spell check. That shit's just amateur.

No Longer Friday Five

2011-07-09T18:18:51Z

Remember when I use to post here regularly? Yeah, me neither. Friday round up.

My grandmother turned 84 in June and to celebrate we hiked up to Big Rock in Dupont State Forest for a picnic dinner and views of the full moon. I made a spring quinoa salad and a broccoli pesto with orzo, Mom made sauteed leeks with goat cheese, Leah made chocolate chip cookies and we hiked up just before sunset. It rained briefly and part of the meal was eaten huddled under a tarp, but then the clouds cleared after a short shower. We found out after we arrived that the moon wouldn't rise until close to midnight, but there was a lovely sunset, and we played cards by the light of the many headlamps I still have floating around in my purse and no one tripped on the hike back to the car in the pitch dark.

We also celebrated the 4th of July with my grandmother. I had my traditional Independence Day meal (Indian food and non-American beer), we played more cards and then watched the fireworks from her backyard.

I've started going to trivia night at a local bar with my brother and some friends. We do okay (one win, a couple of second places and we would have won last night if I could have remembered that the '92 summer Olympic games were in Barcelona), but mostly I just enjoy the chance fix my hair, wear something besides yoga pants and a t-shirt, have a drink and made sarcastic comments about Chuck Norris with friends. (So far, there have been two Korea related questions [which city was chosen to host the 2018 Winter Olympics and who is the Secretary General of the UN] and both times, I insisted on writing the answer in Korean [평창 and 반기문] because (a) I'm TOTALLY that person and (b) I spent a whole two hours teaching myself Hangul by reading subway signs and, so help me God, I will use those skills whenever possible.) (Trivia caller: Man, someone is a dork. Me: YES, WHAT'S YOUR POINT?!) (I bet you thought I would stop writing in Hangul know that I'm no longer in Korea. THINK AGAIN!)

Speaking of Korea, people following me on Twitter or Google+ (or, you know, real life) know that I can't freaking shut up about how much I want some kimchi jjigae, because (a) kimchi jjigae is really fucking 맛있어요 (which, even after five months back in the US, is still my default way of saying delicious) and (b) I really miss Korea, guys. It snuck up on me; at first I was busy enjoying being back in the US and seeing my family and friends, and then weeks turned into months and I realized how much I miss it. I miss laughing with Audrey about the name of the stations on the Bundang line and I miss the 4th grade cleaning crew who kept giving me Korean homework. I miss Seoul and SnB and seeing the cherry blossoms with Siobhain. I miss my apartment and my neighborhood and, God help me, I was looking through photos from Pru's visit in January and I got nostalgic because omg, that was my Paris Baguette, the one where 친의 convinced me to buy her a kimchi pastry in exchange for a terrible ugly pillow she had made in home ec which I will cherish forever. I miss Nicole teasing me about my terrible Korean while I refrained from mocking her ridiculous ridiculous shoes. I miss having co-workers I didn't actively want to stab in the eyeballs.

Moving to Korea was one of the best decisions I've ever made for myself.

And hey, look, I'm on Google+. I'm unclear how well I'll use it, since I routinely forget I have a Facebook, but I am a big fan of all things Google, so there's hope.

Testy

2011-06-03T23:36:08Z

So, there's this cardinal that lives at my parent's house. This is not a bird over endowed with brains, and he is convinced that his reflection in the windows of the house is a rival bird. Whenever he sees himself in the window, the bird (nicknamed Testy, short for Testosterone) repeatedly flings himself into the offending reflection in a testosterone fueled attempt to become the alpha cardinal in the area. From sunrise to sunset, the house echos with the thoinks! of the cardinal ricocheting off the house and the swears of my dad threatening to go outside and backhand the thing with a tennis racquet. It's particularly bad in the kitchen and my parents bedroom (both are surrounded by trees and shrubs for him to perch on while contemplating an attack), and my parents have had to drape the windows of their bedroom with sheets and towels in an attempt to hid the reflections, lest Testy wake them up at sunrise by headbutting the house. It looks like someone ineffectually tried to mummify the house.

This has been going on for a month and Dad has cracked. He came into the living room today with a gun in one hand and murder in his eyes. I'm praying for poor aim, but I think Testy's days might be numbered.

April is for Avocados

2011-05-04T03:54:35Z

April was a pretty awesome month. It started with white-water rafting and jungle hiking in northern Costa Rica, plus some really awesome news that made me jump up and down on the side of a Costa Rican highway. (Hopefully May will be the month that I feel certain enough about the news to talk about it.) I spent the next thirteen days bouncing around Costa Rica: Sarapiquí, Sarah's village, San Jose (twice) and Manuel Antonio National Park to see some monkeys.

After Costa Rica, I spent a week at home and my oldest youngest brother came home. He been building a log cabin in the woods of Arkansas since January, so this was the first time I had seen him since February of last year. Then, the next day, my other brother came home for Easter break and for the first time since Christmas 2009, the whole family was together under the same roof. It was... loud and my little sister, who was briefly an only child for the first time in February, informed us that she liked the idea of having siblings more than the reality.

The next day, my parents, sister and I set off for Mexico. For years, my parents' church has supported two orphanage (one in Colima and one outside of Puebla), but this was the first time I wasn't working or in school during the annual mission trip. This year we went to the orphanage outside of Puebla (about three hours southeast of Mexico City) and it was so lovely. I can't say I was thrilled with traveling in a group, but the orphanage was amazing and the kids were precious and hilarious and endlessly forgiving about my butchering of their language. Also, the food was amazing. (I ate everything put in front of me, including every bit of sketchy chili-doused roadside fruit and had no problems. Almost everyone else in the group, the people who avoided anything that could have possible come in contact with the water and totally missed out that time we went to a market in Acatzingo and I tried to eat everything in sight, was ill at least once, which just goes to show that chili powder and lime cures everything.)

While April is now over and I'm probably going to stop getting fresh avocados every time I turn around, my travels aren't quite done yet. I'm heading to Washington DC on Thursday to spend a week with Riah, one of my closest friends from Korea. I've only been gone from Korea for two months and I've already lost touch with so many people, and I'm really glad Riah and I have managed to keep in touch.

Friday Five, or March in Review

2011-04-08T22:11:45Z

1) I left Korea on February 28th and the culture shock of returning to the US was both easier and harder than last time (i.e. the time I ended up with my hands over my ears in line for security at San Fransisco because I'd lost the ability to tune out other people's conversations and was going into sensory overload). It was easier because I knew what to expect and harder because Korean habits had had two full years to form. It took me a few weeks to stop bowing at people and I'm still muttering in Korean. The one thing that I didn't have trouble adjusting to was having a car again. I still make sure to hand cashiers my money with both hands and slip my shoes off before entering a house, but I'm loving being able to drive again.

2) No sooner had I made it home than I left again. I got home Monday night and left Wednesday morning for Chapel Hill to go to a wedding and see friends from college. Unfortunately I didn't get to see much of my university friends, but the wedding was lovely and I got to meet my senior year roommate's new baby. I also bought a new computer. (In my first 48 hours in the country, I went to the bakery, the library and the Apple store. I have my priorities in order.) My old computer had been slowly dying for the past eight months and I'm loving having a computer with a working mouse again.

3) Being home has been really nice. I've spent a lot of time with my family, specially my little sister, who is now 16, holy crap, when did that happen? I've also been cooking a lot, taking advantage of my mom's kitchen, which has all sorts of fancy utensils I didn't have access to in Korea, like a blender, measuring spoons and an oven.

4) I've also been to the library at least a dozen times. I have a Kindle, which was easily the best purchase of 2010 and is great if you live in a country where English isn't spoken, but not so good if you want to build a fort out of books. I also have a new library card for the first time since high school. I've never been good at returning library books on time and by senior year, my fine had reached an amount so large that I stopped using my card and started using my mom's instead. For years, I've been convinced that the fine was eighty or a hundred dollars, but when I finally checked, it turned out I only owned twenty four dollars, which might have seemed huge to me ten years ago, but is easily payable now.

5) Being home has been nice, but also a tad boring, since I don't know anyone in Brevard anymore, so at the end of March, I left for two weeks of vacation in Costa Rica. I spent the first week with a friend who lives here, and now I'm on my own, trying to remember to speak Spanish instead of Korean.

The Trip Home

2011-03-08T16:54:59Z

Musings on my trip home, AKA, no I wouldn't like to talk about it, but I'd sure as hell like to yell about it.

Dear people who asked me how my trip was,
Think of Monday. Think how fun Monday usually is. Now imagine a Monday that lasts for THIRTY FOUR HOURS. THAT was how my trip was.
Love,
Cait

Things started so well. I allotted myself so much time to get from my apartment to the airport bus stop that I was actually able to catch an earlier bus than planned. I was at the airport three hours before my flight, check it only took fifteen minutes, neither of my bags were overweight AND since my school didn't force me to overstay my visa this year, I didn't end up in a small room filling out reams of paperwork while being yelled at by immigration officers. I was sitting at my gate two hours before my flight.

Incheon has free wireless for the entire airport! This is the last time on this trip I can say that, and one of the reasons why I love love love Incheon, my all time favorite airport. I sent my mom an email saying, "Already at the gate, two hours in advance. Totally going to make my flight!"

On the flight to Narita, I discovered that the downside to having a Kindle is that your book is an electronic device that must be turned off during take-off. I read a lot of SkyMall and was cranky. Next flight, I'll make sure I bring a paper book too.

Also speaking of books, I bought The Hunger Games for the flight and it was omg, so awesome. I was told that it would be hard to put down, that I would end up finishing it at 4:00 in the morning, tired and exhausted, but too caught up in the story to stop, so I bought the book to read on my 24 hour trip from Korea to the US and ended up being the furiously cranky girl in line at customs because she had to stop reading briefly. My full review at Goodreads is here.

My flight to Narita was uneventful. I didn't have yen, didn't want to deal my card being flagged if I used it in Japan and also, my carry-on bags were really heavy, so I didn't buy lunch during my layover. My flight out of Narita was delayed an hour, but I got a seat at the gate, so all was well. Man, this trip is going well.

We board the airplane, buckle ourselves in and sit. And then sit some more. Finally, the pilot announced that we were waiting for a delayed flight from Taipei with several passengers who were making a connection to our flight. The Taipei flight was suppose to arrive "soon" and folks, we're just going to wait a short bit for them to arrive, but we'll be gettin' on our way real soon. You could tell it was an Atlanta based flight crew. We finally left an hour and a half later, bringing our total delay to two and a half hours which, consequentially, was about how long my layover in Atlanta was.

The flight, omg, the flight. The flight from Narita to Atlanta was terrible. There were turbulence THE ENTIRE WAY. ALL TWELVE HOURS OF IT. Some were mild, some were more serious, but the fasten seat belt sign was never taken off. I don't mind turbulence, they're like a mild roller coaster which is welcome entertainment on a long flight, but eventually you need to use the restroom and stretch your legs. Luckily, the flight crew was understanding of people ignoring the fasten seat belt sign and the pilot warned for mild turbulence vs. severe turbulence.

Somewhere over Colorado, the pilot came over the intercom and asked that anyone on the plane with medical experience please go to the back of the plane, there was a passenger of need of aid. I'm a little disappointed he didn't ask if there was a doctor on the plane (Hollywood, you lied to me), but relieved to see several people responded and even more relieved that the passenger wasn't ill enough to necessitate an emergency landing.

We finally reached Atlanta, several hours late, and were put in an holding pattern. Luckily we only circled Atlanta for thirty or forty minutes, but the weather was terrible and the landing was even worse. I've flown on a lot of planes in a lot of different weather and I have virtually no fear of flying, but this landing was rough enough that my stomach turned over and clutched my armrest a little tighter.

I reached Atlanta, cleared customs and immigration (filling out my customs form was a delight after having lived in Korea for two years; I have acquired a lot of stuff) without problem and rushed off to the gate for my connection to Asheville, only to get bowled over my exhaustion (I didn't sleep at all on the flight to Atlanta), hunger (turbulence interfered with food service on the flight from Narita and plus, it was airplane food) and the weight of my carry-ons (I was worried my checked bags would be overweight, so I crammed as much as I possible could into the bags on my back). I staggered up to the nearest eatery (a Burger King), was stunned by the idea of ordering food in English, took two tries to find the correct currency to pay with, carefully handed my money over with both hands and then bowed to the cashier. Culture shock, I has it.

I arrive at my gate, ten minutes before my plane was suppose to depart. Lucky for me, the flight was delayed an hour and I didn't have to go running to the gate, shouting and waving my arms, to catch my plane. (You laugh, but it's happened to me before.) I borrowed a cell phone to let my parents know I was delayed and they told me the delay was because of the torrential rains and a tornado watch in Asheville. I looked at a weather map and the forecast of the weather front in Asheville making its way south to Atlanta and swore. A lot. And not under my breath (I'm still adjusting to the idea that people around me can understand me). All in all, I was only stuck in Atlanta for four and a half hours, which could have been so much worse, but I had been away from home for a year and traveling for over twenty four hours and I just wanted to get home, hug my mom and go to bed.

I made it home! Eventually. It took 30 hours from leaving my apartment in Korea to pulling up at my parents house in America, but I made it and I'm home.

Korean Officetel

2011-02-27T13:09:16Z

Tonight is my last night in Korea. I finished packing Friday night and spent the weekend searching for the corner of my apartment I surely forgot to pack, because there was no possible way I was finished packing two days in advance. I've been having nightmares of weeks where get back to America and realize that I had completely forgotten to pack up my apartment, but I think I'm finally done.

I spent the week before last last week cleaning my apartment, partly because trying to pack a messy apartment means you end up packing the mess and partly because when I was cleaning, I didn't have to be packing. I ran out of things to clean on Saturday, but I took some photos of my apartment before I started to tear it apart and stick it in boxes.

So, my apartment. I live in an officetel. Officetels, which comes from office + hotel, are usually one room studio apartments. The first four floors of my building are commercial (a pharmacy, a half dozen clinics, a billiards hall, a couple of restaurants and a butcher shop), and the top five floors are apartments. Some people complain about noise or smells from the businesses below, but other than getting the side-eye from clinic patients in hospital gowns hooked up to IVs taking a smoking break by the back stairs when I take my trash out at night, I've never had any problems.

This is the main room of the apartment, looking from the door. The bathroom and kitchen are to the left and right. On on the left side of the room is the table, couch and bed. On the right side is the closet type thing, the dresser and my desk. The far wall of the apartment is all windows, which was nice during the summer and really cold during the winter.

Standing next to the bed, looking back at the door. The recessed area by the door is the only part of the apartment you're suppose to wear shoes in. The light over the shoe area is motion sensor, but it's erratic and I sometimes trigger it when I walk into the bathroom or the kitchen.

A closer look at the closet thing. It was put up by the previous teacher, and while I'm grateful for somewhere to hang my clothes (the dresser isn't very big), it did severely limit how I could move furniture around. Underneath the clothes are my crafting stash bags, luggage and spare bedding.

A closer look at the desk, which is the only part of the apartment I really decorated. The red box is full of stationary products which, yes, I know, I have a problem. Stationary is ugly and overpriced in the US, so it's a get-it-while-you-can situation. The painting was done by my little sister. The trashcan has pandas in airplanes quoting R. Kelly lyrics. Also, my light-up devil horns from the World Cup.

This kitchen isn't technically a separate room, but it's tucked away in a corner and if I pull out the counter space from under the stove, it almost has four walls. I have a hot plate, a rice cooker, a electric kettle, toaster, microwave and, after I absorbed Margaret's spices while she was in America this winter, a spice rack with four different containers of curry powder. The contraption above my sink is the sterilizer, so I can UV my dishes after I wash them.

The bathroom was my least favorite part of the apartment. The sink-shower meant that the bathroom was *always* wet. I can't keep anything in the bathroom since it would get soaked daily, the floor stays wet for hours after a shower (or a load of laundry, since my washing machine drains onto the bathroom floor) and standing water on the counters means I risk electrocuting myself every time I blow my hair dry. Also, the hot water heater only runs at night, so once the hot water is used up, that's it for the day. It's more than enough for a shower but, let me tell you, washing the dishes with ice cold water during the winter was LOADS OF FUN.

So, that's my apartment. I actually really like it. It's small, but how much space does one person actually need. It's in a good area - buses to my school stop in front of the building, a subway station is three minutes away and a much larger bus stop is only a ten minute walk away. There's a Daiso next door, a market two buildings down and in that three minute walk to the subway, I pass six coffee shops and a ho-tteok stand. In good traffic, I can be in Seoul in half an hour. It's smaller than my last apartment, but the bed's a double, the ondol worked all winter and I don't have to stick the AC hose in a trashcan to keep from flooding the apartment, so I count it a win.

It was a good home.

Misconceptions

2011-02-26T15:47:07Z

Yesterday was my last day at school. I spent the morning cleaning off my computer, and then left around 11:00 to finish packing. A group of my former 6-1 boys were playing soccer in front of the school when I walked out and they shouted hello.

"Teacher," they told me, "we going to middle school now."

"I know," I said.

"Where are you going, Teacher?"

"I'm going to America," I told them.

"Why?

"Well, I'm from America. My family is in America."

They huddled together for a quick consultation and finally the most advanced boy asked, "So, Teacher not Canada person?"

Turns out, my ENTIRE school thought I was Canadian all year.

Goodbye, Part 1

2011-02-18T04:59:17Z

One of the hardest parts about teaching in Korea is how transient the expat community is. Contracts are only for a year and once their year is up, a lot of teachers go home. I was lucky my first year and none of my close friends left, but this year Omega left in May, Tony and Christine left in November and Riah left a few weeks ago.

On what was suppose to be Riah's last evening in Korea, we (Audrey, Caroline, Riah, Siobhain and I - the ladies I spent Christmas with) were sitting in Cold Stone in Gangnam, feeling morose, when Caroline suggested we make a scrapbook as a going away present. She had a Polaroid camera. I had many different colors of pens. We had a notebook and stickers. And scissors. And tape. Look, I'm friends with a very crafty group of people, okay!

I love that I'm friends with a group of people who, when someone suggests making an impromptu goodbye scrapbook, ACTUALLY have all the necessary supplies on hand.

Caroline and Siobhain examining a Polaroid.
And so we made a scrapbook. It was a rush job; Cold Stone kicked us out at 11:00, the Coffee Bean we relocated to kicked us out half an hour later and Audrey and I needed to catch the last train home at midnight. The first half of the scrapbook was detailed (or at least had interesting asides) and had introductions and dinosaurs and fun lessons learned in Korea (even in Korea, don't assume people don't understand English is an important one) while the second half consisted of unannotated Polaroid pictures hastily taped onto blank pages while the Coffee Bean employees gave us the side eye for still being in their shop ten minutes after closing.

Riah's introduction page. When pronounced with a Korean accent, Riah sounds an awful lot like the word liar, so Riah specified that her pants were not on fire. And, underneath No Pants On Fire, I added 불 바지 없어요, which says, in what I'm sure is truly atrocious Korean, No Fire Pants. It was hilarious at the time.
We adjourned to the street outside to say our final goodbyes, which were awful. Saying goodbye is never fun, but it's especially hard in such a ephemeral community because Korea, our common ground, isn't a permanent location for any of us. My group of friends from university still meets up in Chapel Hill periodically, but the odds of seeing this group of girls again in the US are slim. Also, for me, saying goodbye to Riah was the first on a long list of goodbyes I have to say this month.

Riah gave us matching bracelets from Cambodia as a going away present.
So, we were standing on the street of Gangnam crying and promising to write and it's awful and cold and then Audrey and I realized that if we want to get home, we have to leave RIGHT NOW, only we didn't realize the time quite soon enough and just missed our last transfer. I've just barely caught a lot of last trains home, but in two years of living here, this was the first time I actually missed it.

Luckily, we were both able to find taxis willing to drive out to where we live with minimal fuss.

I woke up the next day, Wednesday morning, to an email from Riah. The snowstorm that ate Chicago (are we calling this one Snowpocalypse?) meant that O'Hare was closed and Riah was stuck in Korea until Friday night. Suck it, Chicago. On Thursday, Riah, Audrey and I went to COEX, and during our shopping breaks, we finished the scrapbook. We captioned the photos and wrote lists based on our experience here: crazy English names Korean children give themselves, Things We <3 About Korea, Places we <3 in Korea, How to Anger a Korean, Important Konglish Words, Important Korean Words.

Our list of Important Korean Words is possible the most worthless list of Korean ever and contains such gems as kimchi dumplings, old woman, fleece lined pants and fish (the animal, not the kind you eat). Others - Samsung, Hyundai, soju (Korean rice liquour, like drinking rocket fuel) and bulgogi (Korean barbecued beef) - don't even have an English translation. We had more, actually useful, words, but it turns out we don't know how to spell the Korean we use the most. We spent five minutes trying to figure out how to write thank you, a word I say ALL THE TIME.

After several failed attempts, I said, "You know, we are surrounded by people who know how to write 감사합니다."

We looked around at the cafe, full of Koreans. "Yeah," Riah and Audrey said.

"We could, you know, ask any one of them."

"Yeah," they said again. We stayed seated and left thank you off our list.

Audrey and I said goodbye to Riah again Friday afternoon, after spending the morning at the jimjabang. It still sucked, and I still cried, but it was easier the second time. It was easier when we weren't rushed. It was also easier because, during her extra days, Riah and I made plans to take a road trip once we're both back in the States. Wisconsin and North Carolina aren't that far apart.

Me and Riah