I dropped in on Kowalski again the other night. I wasn't particularly frustrated or angry or anything, just sort of... lonely, if I'm being honest. Which is sort of the point here. Right. Honesty. Lonely and discontent and... it's hard to describe. I was at home, and suddenly there was nowhere I wanted to be *less* than there. And I thought about where I actually did want to be, and apparently that was Kowalski's place.

It wasn't that late, only nine something, so I drove over. He didn't sound irritated or anything when he buzzed me in, but he didn't sound real surprised it was me either. So I knocked on the door and he opened it right away and immediately shoved a bottle of beer in my hand. This is the sort of gesture I appreciate. He said hi and let me in. His place is never gonna get features in Better Homes And Gardens, but God, right then it looked like the best place in the world. He had all the lights on and there was Chinese delivery scattered all over the coffee table and Bob Dylan on the stereo, and it just felt *good,* like Christmas at your mom's or something.

And Kowalski's pulling my coat off and sitting me down on the couch with my beer and offering me some Chinese-- he said "we were just having dinner" and before I can say "who?" I notice his turtle, right on the coffee table, chomping on a huge piece of lettuce. It's actually sort of cute. So he grabs another pair of chopsticks and he sits down next to me and it's just real comfortable. Nice. Companionable and all that stuff, like having a buddy. And I've missed that. I could never have had that in Vegas. Lots of slimy bastards wanted to get cozy with Armando, but he didn't have friends. He had soldiers and employees. Last time I had a real friend was Benny. Best friend I ever had. Til now, I guess. Not to take away from Benny or anything. But it's one of those "you don't know what you got til it's gone" deals. And if you're lucky enough to get it back, you better hang on with both hands and be appreciative as hell.

Not that Kowalski is easy work or anything. But he's sort of familiar territory, if that makes sense. Sometimes with Benny I didn't know which freaking way was up, but I know what I'm doing with Kowalski. I get how to handle him, I get why he does stupid shit, I know how he'll react to stuff. But then he'll totally throw me for a loop. I suppose that's what keeps it interesting.

And we're hanging out, dripping peanut sauce onto back issues of Ring World, listening to Bob wish that for just one time we could stand inside his shoes, and it's good, you know, it's just *good.* So of course one of us has to fuck it up. This time it's me. I actually asked him why he left Canada. Left Fraser. And I don't know why I did, it just seemed like we were doing pretty well, and neither of us had tried to hit the other yet, and I, in my infinite wisdom, just had to go and change that. Because yeah, he almost popped me one. Like I said, Kowalski's difficult. But please, like I wouldn't have seen that coming. So I pushed his fist aside and he punched the back of the couch, and he just looked like a miserable teenager, all the piss and vinegar knocked right out of him. I wasn't mad at him. I wanted to hit people (mostly Feebs) when I left Benny too.

So he mumbled an apology and I told him it was okay, and he looked me in the face and said he didn't want to talk about that. Just yet. And that's fine. That is absolutely fine. There's a lot of shit I don't want to share just yet either. And we just finished off the Chinese, and Turtle finished the lettuce, and we watched the news and the Simpsons, and I fell asleep on his couch again. So... yeah. It's still good.