Writing on the Wolf's Walls

Goodbye, Ciao, Adios and all that good stuff.

thornefox — Wed, 30 May 2007 01:51:50 GMT

Hmmm...well, this is it ladies and gents. The very LAST entry. So maybe this is an occasion, to review my transition.

Where should I start? I guess, I'll start where it ends. At the moment I am a regular smoker (cigarettes), getting a comic book company of the ground with the help of people who are both friends and partners now (thanks to this project of ours), still single, no longer a virgin (big whoop, right?), without any particular religion, but still containing a fairly healthy worldview, Neil Gaiman is still my favorite storyteller and I don't think I'll ever stop idolising Alan Moore. I try not to hold double standards and avoid making large generalizations about the people in this world. Of course, my eyes can't get enough of pretty ladies, my body still has a taste for cold beer and I hold an immense amount of respect for Native spirituality at its core. There's also a job I have lined up working with "Clean Water Action" in the Fall, which is yet another Environmental Conservation group. Next semester I'll be living in a single room within the Graduate Dorms at MSU. I am currently the proud guardian of a bi-color eyed rat named MAXIMUS Zeus and hold the honor of being good friends with Mr. Mystic the stark black rabbit.

What else? I believe that anything is possible and that today's mainstream society lacks a complete handle on how to grapple the mysteries of perception/relativity. I'm quite certain I'm comfortable with my ideas on the Cycles of Nature to the point where I don't see my mind changing, but rather gaining more and more incentive to stand firm on that subject. Time seems more fluid to me now, especially with this odd aging rate of mine and at the moment World Shaper is trying to chip off the last remaining piece of the sculpture that will be me.

My favorite foods include a variety of fish, pretty much any meaty sort of crab (the bigger the better), most fruits and vegetables, well prepared potatoes (not raw though), wild game (particularly venison, caribou, goose and coon) and I don't mind eating a select few insects.

Biggest Fear? Hmm...I really don't know yet...OH!!!!...waking up one day to find that everything I love about the Earth is gone.

Music wise? I'm all about Hendrix, Zeppelin, The Beatles (favorite of which is Lennon), Joplin, Bone Thugs-N-Harmony and Eminem. Pretty much classic rock and old school gangster rap, but lately (thanks to the first few groups mentioned) I've been slinking into blues and as a result will be seeing B.B. King come July 6.

Greatest fantasy? Being a traveling, swashbuckling bard who has sex in graveyards (with living women) and has the mystique of Robin Hood and the Green Knight wrapped entirely around and throughout him.

Oh...and I still smoke weed. That won't stop, it'll just take a back seat. Plus, the History Channel rocks, so does "Lost" and "The Sopranoes", Xena: Warrior Princess is still THE SHIT. I've got a crazy taste for Lovecraft and am trying to ease my way into Kafka while realizing that my favorite poets just might be Frost and Whitman.

My favorite poems of all time are "Stopping by the woods on a Snowy Evening", "A Noiseless Patient Spider" and "Tyger". I have about 74 pages of my own poems collected and maybe more when I get what I have scribbled in my notebooks. I still sketch and still like SOME anime (Cowboy Bebop and Samurai Champloo).

I've also got a chip on my right shoulder and an Eagle on my left, plus a Spider in my soul.

That's about it, I hope this is good enough a note to leave everyone on. I'll see you when I see you if I see you, it's been good. Keep living and thriving and being the best you could possibly be. Fuck Bush jr....VOTE in '08 (preferably for Clinton, but that's totally your choice) and be the change you wish to see in the world.

Goodbye, Ciao, Adios and all that good stuff. Have a great Summer.

The Greatest Woman to Ever Live...

thornefox — Sat, 26 May 2007 19:14:52 GMT

...is Lilith.

"Life is the story of how you die."- Me

thornefox — Mon, 21 May 2007 18:13:18 GMT

On May 30th I'm leaving to work at the camp this Summer, just like I have done for the past 2 Summers. I'm very excited and feeling as if this is one of those moments where it's not a matter of me escaping, like it used to be, but instead returning to something sacred to me. There is so much waiting for me and I'm content with the idea that this Summer will be so much greater, so much more different and special than any Summer I've ever had...excluding the one that set me on this path.

So, I've also been thinking and reading and then thinking more only to live a little greater...nonetheless, I came to the realization that it's time for me to let go. I can't hold on to my past just as much as other people can't. There is no time, there is no space, there is no feeling of obligation lurking in my body which tells me that I need to ever go back. Truth be told, I was insane for most of the time this journal was going and now that I'm not insane anymore, now that I have meds to balance me out and this whole other worldview to validate my relevence in this society...I feel like I can't play by the old rules anymore.

There comes a point in (hopefully everyone's) life where you literally have to grow up. You have to really ask yourself about the Bigger Picture and live according to that. You have to make tough decisions, break bonds with people you thought you'd never find reason to leave, do some pretty shocking things that no one thought you were capable of doing, SAY pretty truthful things (as relates to yourself). One day, I just woke up and had the Will to Live to Die. I realized that I'm not immortal and that I need to do whatever it is I'm going to do before I die or become too jaded or weak to move on or even give a damn.

Where I'm going with this is that I don't care about these little things anymore. It's time for me to live for the bigger things, because for a long time I've been told that I couldn't handle "The Real World" that I was "Sheltered". My cousin said that to me, and what I told him was:

"Do you realize I have knowledge of what species is being wiped out at this minute? You know I can see the genocide happening around you? So, when you talk about how I've never seen real life, because I've never seen anyone got shot and killed...I don't care, because I'm watching this entire world die."

With that said, I don't have time to be on lj anymore. I'm leaving this time for good and I'm not starting up another blog or account anywhere else. Soon I'll be closing down my "myspace" aswell. So...if you're in my life right now, you ARE, there is no more "Looking in from the outside" which is what lj allows people to do with their "friends" these days.

Ciao old friends. It's been strange.

-Kenneth Dean Jackson

Summer Readings

thornefox — Sun, 20 May 2007 17:26:43 GMT

I've finished "American Gods", Book 5 of "Promethea", the "Origin" mini-series and am now in the middle of "Black Elk Speaks". I still have to get a collection of Wordsworth and/or Whitman poetry today and feel like it should be bought at a USED book shop rather than the alternative (that being at Barnes & Noble or something).

Right now? The only thing I'm worried about is whether or not I'll be able to watch "The Sopranos" tonight. Hopefully the t.v. chooses to cooperate with me for at least an hour around 9:00 p.m. today, on this Sunday night. It surprised me to see that Alan Moore happens to either be a fan of "The Sopranos" or is at least acquaintances with someone who is. There was a panel in the "Promethea" series where they talk about Chrissie Soprano (rest in peace) and even mention the actor's role in "Summer of Sam", of which I was wondering if anyone else noticed.

Well...hmmm, I think it's back to sleep for me.

Oh What a Night

thornefox — Sat, 19 May 2007 16:17:32 GMT

I hung out with what I think may have been a few members of a local gang last night and all we did was talk about social problems, smoke cigarettes and maybe we also had some beer and Hennessy too. Then I went to a motorcycle club with one of my cousins for a party that night, only to see another cousin of mine there too (he's a retiree). Man...there was this one girl there...had the nicest legs I've ever seen. Actually, there were a lot of pretty "hot chicks" there, but I think I was just much too "fucked up" to really do anything about it or maybe I didn't care enough.

While I was there, I think I decided this wasn't exactly my "scene" and so decided to sit down and be really chill. I didn't make it home until like 5 a.m. but I did find something interesting on my front porch, that I'm definitely going to try to make some use of before the day is over. (Spider-Man is going to be so jealous).

Hmmm...oh yeah, I also had to take a dead Starling Bird out of my aunt's room, but I remember yanking a feather off for her to keep and trying to take the leg off for myself then thinking "Oh no...that's very disrespectful of the dead." so then I started feeling guilty which made me put it under a bush rather than in the trash can.

For the life of me, I wish I could remember everything my aunt said to me last night after talking about this lifelong conflict I've had with my mother. She basically said "Your grandmother always wanted your wings to spread further and further, for you to become so GREAT and still not forget where you came from." I told her about how she influenced my perception of spiders, telling me that to kill them was bad luck and how I dreamed I was a spider and have aspirations to be a Master Storyteller. She has a story for me, so I'm pretty pumped about that. That woman's lived one hell of a life, so if I get the chance to write it, that would be FANFUCKINGTASTIC!

Well...there is more of "American Gods" to finish, but not much more. Maybe I'll remember to eat or use Mysterious Package #420 before it gets too late.

Praise the Spithra.

Whew...that was a close one.

thornefox — Fri, 18 May 2007 00:05:33 GMT

I think I'll just decide to not take everything so seriously as I used to. That seems to be the only thing that puts me in a bad mood these days (taking things too seriously).
All the Old Stories tell me that Trickster would often make mistakes or run into obstacles and either simply move on or just overcome them. He wasn't the type to sit there and be upset about either of them. So if I'm going to embrace my niche in this world, as Trickster, following the Way of the Spider, then I'll have to do the same.
We DO all make a choice as to how to respond and it seems I'd forgotten that in the past. Last night, if I would have brooded and sat there in my room in a rage, I would have never gotten the work done on the "Nature Boy" comic that I needed to get out of the way. Nor would I have acquired a sheet of "DC Superheroes" stamps. I LOVE "The Verona", it really is quite therapeutic.

I don't know how I'll ever manage to understand why I can be myself around so many people and be Loved, but when I am myself around the majority of my family, especially my mother, I am perceived as "wrong", "selfish", "not right". It all makes me believe that they've done me some great wrong and are waiting for the moment I throw it all back in their faces. Even worse, they're expecting me to but don't realize that it's not my style to do anything that way.

Maybe, that means it's time to start over again or perhaps it means I HAVE already begun starting over. All it took was a return to "The Source" and the realization of what "The Source" actually is to set me straight. Now here I am with a comic book in the works (Nature Boy concept sketch complete) and two jobs waiting for me with Environmental Groups. There is content...I actually feel satisfied knowing I actually WILL be able to do both. All of this came much faster than I suspected...I LOVE it!

Praise the Spithra.

Wow...

thornefox — Wed, 16 May 2007 19:29:48 GMT

It's getting very difficult to sort out what I'm paranoid about and what the truth actually is. Today I realized I have an intense paranoia about my health, which I'm sure I know how to combat. Here I thought I was done, but the only thing I worry about these days is my health. If I allow full trust in World Shaper, I should be fine.
How can I rationalize more wreckless behavior with my body? Shall I convince myself that the urge for people to stop smoking and such is right up there with dieting and unnecessary excercise. Is that just apart of some social revolution in a society that I don't necessarily identify with? I say that, because the society I DO identify with dictates that tobacco is alright, if you respect it. That means, I can't be chain smoking for the hell of it, I'll have to USE the tobacco rather than ABUSE it. See...I can rationalize almost anything.
Besides, it's sacred to my people and if I follow their way, it is sacred to me. At that point, it isn't about me smoking out of habit but rather about smoking as a rite, which is what it will have to become. I must maintain self control and remember the sanctity of Life and Death.

Now...how am I going to manage this one?

Spiders on your Body

thornefox — Wed, 16 May 2007 04:21:42 GMT

Spiders spiders spiders spiders spiders spiders spiders
all over your all over your all over your all over your all over your
Spiders spiders spiders spiders spiders spiders spiders
all over your all over your all over your all over your all over your
your body, crawling on your body crawling on your body all over
your body...
your body, crawling on your body crawling on your body all over
your body...
SPIDERS SPIDERS SPIDERS SPIDERS SPIDERS SPIDERS
ALL OVER YOUR ENTIRE BODY MAKING WEBS IN YOUR EARS
LAYING EGGS IN YOUR THROAT, CRAWLING ON YOUR BODY
AND ALL THE BABIES HAVE HATCHED ALL THE TINY SPIDERS
THEY ARE CRAWLING ON YOUR BODY TOO!!!!!!!!!

Spiders spiders spiders spiders spiders spiders spiders
all over your all over your all over your all over your all over your
Spiders spiders spiders spiders spiders spiders spiders
all over your all over your all over your all over your all over your
your body, crawling on your body crawling on your body all over
your body...
your body, crawling on your body crawling on your body all over
your body...
SPIDERS SPIDERS SPIDERS SPIDERS SPIDERS SPIDERS
ALL OVER YOUR ENTIRE BODY MAKING WEBS IN YOUR EARS
LAYING EGGS IN YOUR THROAT, CRAWLING ON YOUR BODY
AND ALL THE BABIES HAVE HATCHED ALL THE TINY SPIDERS
THEY ARE CRAWLING ON YOUR BODY TOO!!!!!!!!!

American Gods

thornefox — Tue, 15 May 2007 23:54:20 GMT

I'm reading it for a second time and starting to notice a pattern I don't think anyone else has ever seen before. Already, I'm closing in on page 200 and that's not even really half the book yet, but I still see it. Tell you what though? It's 10 times funnier if you perceive what I perceive while I'm reading it for the 2nd time. It's a very dark sort of humor, but still, very funny.

Oh yeah...

Praise The Spithra.

The Tables Turned- by William Wordsworth

thornefox — Mon, 14 May 2007 15:33:52 GMT

Up! up! my Friend, and quit your books;
Or surely you'll grow double:
Up! up! my Friend, and clear your looks;
Why all this toil and trouble?

The sun, above the mountain's head,
A freshening lustre mellow
Through all the long green fields has spread,
His first sweet evening yellow.

Books! 'tis a dull and endless strife:
Come, hear the woodland linnet,
How sweet his music! on my life,
There's more of wisdom in it.

And hark! how blithe the throstle sings!
He, too, is no mean preacher:
Come forth into the light of things,
Let Nature be your Teacher.

She has a world of ready wealth,
Our minds and hearts to bless
Spontaneous wisdom breathed by health,
Truth breathed by cheerfulness.

One impulse from a vernal wood
May teach you more of man,
Of moral evil and of good,
Than all the sages can.

Sweet is the lore which Nature brings;
Our meddling intellect
Mis-shapes the beauteous forms of things:
We murder to dissect.

Enough of Science and of Art;
Close up those barren leaves;
Come forth, and bring with you a heart
That watches and receives.

The Masks are Off

thornefox — Sat, 12 May 2007 19:08:45 GMT

I've been home for over a full week now and can honestly say I know my place here has changed. It became apparent after a debate I had with a good friend of mine, where some I things I had previously told him in confidence were used against me to argue his point against my own and when I he (maybe without realizing it) repeated some not so pleasant thoughts I'd had when I was driven to talk to him during the time when I questioned the relevence of my existence in this world. Truth be told, it did hurt, even then, but there was a larger issue to discuss at the time and the act in itself hadn't really sunk in yet until yesterday and maybe the day before, when I realized I wasn't wrong for being offended by it.

It's funny how once that talk happened, I started remending old connections and even working with the new ones. My roommate from this last year showed up and had a beer and cigarette with me while we both just chilled. Then yesterday I went to my old high school where I got to thank Ms. Presnell, my junior english teacher and Ms. Higginbottom, above all, the woman responsible for introducing me to Neil Gaiman for the contributions they made to my personal and internal growth. I thanked Ms. Presnell in honor of her entire generation for the Anti-War movement, because she had been a protester at some of their rallies and then told her my generation needed to look to her generation for strength as this Environmental Conservation Movement gains momentum.

After that I made a return to "The Verona" where I strengthened some old, yet recent, ties with the people living there. It felt good to be in that place and discuss future plans for a project three of us will be working on together. A lot of like minds in that place, but also pleasantly different. I don't think I would be able to fully appreciate that in the capacity I do now without having gone through this transformation of mine.

Plus, it turns out my family hasn't disowned me and neither have my friends. There has just been a shift in the people who will be major parts of my life for this time period.

The Way it Is...

thornefox — Thu, 10 May 2007 06:25:49 GMT

Today was very good and surprising. I got up and sort of just did a spell that didn't work because I sort of forgot I'm not a ritual spell kind of person, which means that B.O.S. of mine is going to have to be terminated. I've sort of forgotten I had one anyway, especially now that I write so much in the leather bound journal.
For the first time in I don't know how long, I actually cooked my own food with real eggs and sausage. The smoke alarms went off quite a bit, but I still enjoyed my scrambled eggs and cherry tomatoes and black peppered sausage links...mmmmmm. Before, during and after that I was just dancing around the house in my boxers dancing to rap songs.
THEN, I get a text which inspires me to actually take a shower for a change, because having another bored person means you're more likely to not be bored anymore and thus go out and have tons of fun. "Galaga" is the shit, but I hate know it all "Bird Guys". Even as the night wound down I got surprised and saw another good friend of mine and was very delighted to be able to sit down, all of us, and have a discussion.
It served it's purpose quite well, because I was sort of wondering how re-introducing myself to those closest to me would work out. I expected that process to be a lot harder than it was, but it's in that that I learn where my place is in the world and further understand the meaning of True Friendship. That brought me to the conclusion that until you truly know where a person stands on certain things, you are merely acquaintances. Once you can accept them regardless of how drastically different your world views are and then in turn love them as much as (if not more than) your Self, you have gained what is known as True Friendship with that person. At that point, they become Deep Family.

I was going to talk about what I think finally getting "Are You Experienced" (Jimi Hendrix and the Experience) today and having all of that other stuff happen means something great, but I think I'll just save those details for the leather bound journal instead.

All this writing...

HOLY INTOXICANTS BATMAN!!!

thornefox — Wed, 09 May 2007 05:53:11 GMT

It's so odd to realize you feel like yourself when you can down a beer and smoke 3 cigarettes in a day rather than just 1 at night. I must have been sick or something. Either way, it felt really good, like one of those bad asses who goes good for a while then punches some bitch in the face and steals a kids ice cream truck money or something. Well, not quite as dramatic, but nonetheless I knew I was myself when I woke up sat up straight and soon after lit up. Haha, I didn't even have to think.

I even got a little drunk tonight by accident because the beer was soooo good and the foood was sooo much easier to eat when I was drunk. I think I get away with drinking because my grandfather used to and so many people say I look/act/stand/walk just like he does. I've never met the man in my life, but I'm honored to be his grandson.

Oh yeah, here's what Maximus looks like. One ruby red eye, another pink. Mystic is very mean towards him. I love the guy to death though.

Self-Analysis prt. 1

thornefox — Tue, 08 May 2007 05:26:09 GMT

Today, I woke up on the right side of the futon. There was a solo rap jam session which would follow, coupled with more laundry and more cleaning up. I'm pretty sure my wardrobe is fizzling out to a higher level of simplicity now. I have this rule that if I'm going to be buying more clothes for myself, I'm going to have to donate what I already have to Salvation Army. Not to mention I figured out a way to settle with ink stains on very nice clothes. If you've ever sketched, you know what to do with a glob of ink stinking up your canvas.

Then I went to this "Mexican Restaraunt" where the food was really good, I mean wait, the food was terrible, but I loved the company. Only, I got really annoyed with the waiter who asked if I wanted a Free Ice-Cream Sundae (only "Kids" get free Ice-Cream Sundae's) and then later with my mom who jokingly asked my "aunt" if she wanted to babysit me while she went to Florida. That whole thing ended with me finding what I'll call a Michigan Oasis and smoking a "27 Square" while watching birds fly then later showing my mom that there were no hard feelings.

The surprise came when I got the chance to hang out with two good friends of mine. It felt great to play catch up and also clear the air on a few issues that arose between now and Friday. Professor McKinney spoke of something some tribes execute, it's known as "The Enemy Chant". Basically, when a person has been away from their home tribe too long, sometimes they need an "Enemy Chant" to be eased back into the community. I'll consider tonight an "Enemy Chant", in that I felt like I was officially home and back to "The Source". It really was wonderful to get out and see some familiar faces. Even more so, it was great to find some resolve on somethings I struggled with pre-medication.

Every now and then comes a day where I'm faced with a challenge. The Universe just sort of throws one particular problem of mine at me all day, until eventually, I come to terms with it...decide on how I'll handle it in the future and move on. Sometimes I feel like I'm in a state of hyper-change as if the cycle of Life is set to perpetual spin for me and that the gears I set in motion will never stop turning. After that I smile, because it's days like that which show me who I am.

So what'd I learn today? Don't be so impulsive. Direct communication is the best communication (for me). Always harbor understanding for all sides. Also, I'm not alone and Kallman's Syndrome isn't a disease at all. If anything...IT'S A FUCKING GIFT!!!! I never thought I'd think of it that way, but it's true...from all angles.

Oh yeah...and I figured out what happens to Noren Grimm when he gets to "Golgvxmegoria". If you want to know, just ask your shadows.

thornefox — Mon, 07 May 2007 03:34:10 GMT

Peter Parker kicks so much ass in the black costume. I loved that movie to death. I'm really surprised they added a very controversial moment from the comics to the movie. I won't spoil it and if you don't read the comics you'll never really get it any way or you just might not care.

Being home isn't quite as boring as it seems right now. After seeing SM3 today, I came back, stripped to my boxers and took my sleepy ass back to...well...SLEEP! 5 hours in a dreamy haze of comfort. Holy fuck, that futon is so comfortable.

Benjamin "Zeus" Logan is adjusting well enough. He's terrified of Mystic though and I'm starting to think he has good reason to be. Whenever he approaches Mystic's cage, Mystic always does something like jump off of his sleeping platform or something, thus causing Ben to run away in utter terror. He has finally gotten into his hammock though, which is good, because I was worried he wouldn't like it anymore once I adjusted it. Hopefully he and I can develop some form of communication between us like Mystic and I did.

Something tells me that I'll be doing a lot of this in the upcoming weeks, especially if that one girl keeps telling my friends that I'm not there with them because I don't want to be. Hopefully, this doesn't escalate, because although I'll forgive her, I won't forget it. That just doesn't fly with me, especially not with someone who I've known for about 4 or 5 years now. What I want to do is actually talk to her boyfriend, that's the person I really wanted to see, but this whole secretary bit here is interferring with that.

Oh well, everything changes, but nothing is truly lost. It sucks, but I'm not sweating over it. There are loads of things I need to take care of and this is probably my big oppurtunity to do it uninterrupted before I have to be bogged down with multiple screaming children with bug juice stained faces all Summer. Besides, I foresee a good massage, some meditation, and a chance to hang out in Redford with another friend's mother, who happens to be a practicing shaman. I'm really interested to see how our two methods of practice differ.

Till next time True Believers! (haha, Stan cracks me up).

Countdown to Welcome Week

thornefox — Sat, 05 May 2007 16:51:42 GMT

School is over and all I can do is squirm in anticipation of next school year. I pretty much knew I'd fuck a lot of things up this semester, so I spent a great chunk of it laying down some foundation for the following terms.
All in all I feel like I did pretty well, all things considered. I'm still enrolled at the university, technically I'm alive and sort of well, there is a nice chunk of people who I genuinely miss and have plans to see over the Summer.
I'm excited for the Bone Thugs concert at St. Andrews Hall later this month. Then on top of that, on July 6, I'm going with a couple of good friends to see B.B. King live with a bunch of other blues musicians. Considering I've never really been to any concerts to see a group I've actually heard of or have interest in (local bands excluded), I can mark one more check off the "Life Goals List". The fact that both performers are considered pretty "old school" in their respective genres says a lot.

Well, I know I'm going to do a lot of things differently from last year. There is an intense sense of responsibility lingering in my mind and with "Clean Water Action!" waiting in the Fall that won't go away too soon. The time has come where I can look down the tunnel of time and see the #30 about 9 years away. I remember when 20 was 9 years away. Nonetheless, I'm getting too old to keep living like I don't know any better. It's very obvious I need regular meditation, it's no joke that studying would be really great for my GPA this next 2 years. Maybe...hell, just maybe, on Monday at my aunt's birthday dinner, I'll talk to Rex-the-All-Father and finally take him up on the offer he made me so many years ago. The point I'm trying to make is...I've finally grown into my Self.

...oh and if they're going to have "Retro Erotica" on Comcasts "ON Demand", they really really really need to work on getting some actual nudity going on there. Here I am thinking, "This could be the old lady in the grocery store, who'll never know that I saw her naked when she was 30", only to find out there are no naked women in "Retro Erotica" on Comcasts "ON Demand".

How it all Added Up

thornefox — Tue, 01 May 2007 16:33:09 GMT

I remember being a really really little kid and hearing "Wild Thing" all over the place. I never knew who played it or anything, I just knew it was a song I liked.
Now I'm sitting here after who knows how long of knowing who that song was by and I see that man rocking out with his head band wrapped afro. All I can think of is: "Heh...why DON'T I have a guitar?". Then I notice more, his long fingers, his skin color, his psychadellicity (haha, I made that up)...everything.
Now I'm looking at "Apocalypse Lullaby" and reminding myself that I made that to be a song and not a poem. Somewhere in my mind and even on my fingers, I can feel the chords of an electric drenched in the blood and sweat on my hands.

What's it mean when all you can think about is how bad you want to play till your fingers bleed?

The Era of Greats

thornefox — Mon, 30 Apr 2007 16:40:28 GMT

Hendrix
Joplin
Beatles
Zeppelin
Doors
Jefferson Airplane
Johnson (of the Robert variety)
Yardbirds
Simon and Garfunkel
Marley
LeRoy White
Lietz

Poe
Lovecraft
Kafka
Wordsworth
Blake
Whitman
Frost
Thoreau
Emerson
Eisner
"The Man"
Moore
Gaiman
Lietz

Yancey
DaVinci
Dali
Yu
McKean
Ross
Kubert Family
Kirby
Cho
Orvis

Just so you're not completely lost. As I get more and more injections, I start to realize when my childhood was. I was stuck in the body of a child for 20 years, now I'm here and no longer in that body, but I remember who I wished I could be like while I was. These are the people who inspired me to become what I am and what I will be.

Thank You! Even if you're dead.

The Only Mystery I Will Reveal- About Death

thornefox — Tue, 24 Apr 2007 23:14:34 GMT

Alright, for anyone who thinks I might be crazy...that's fine, go ahead...because I might be. But honestly, ever since I had a dream about:

Walking through a beaten field of temple ruins and seeing Jesus Christ chained to the wall and left for dead again...then taking him down and seeing his face, which had been kind and compassionate and HOLY, contort into this mess of malicious smiles and anger only to take the hand I unchained for him and grab me by the throat....scratching me with his new long black nails. At that point I thought he was the devil, which was bad enough to me, but then he decided to throw me on top of an altar and try to sacrifice me for something. Suddenly the skies opened up with thunder and an angel came down from the sky with blonde hair and a sword forged of fire. He impaled the false Christ and took me up with him into the sky.

I've been on a spiritual journey of my own, because I didn't have a church of my own so I had to start answering my own questions about existence (and that's only because, I'd already had my questions about morality answered by my church). So there is my explanation as to why I was even thinking about "Life after Death" or suicide or anything of that nature. I just HAD to know, so I spent a great chunk of my life asking and studying mythology and everything. There are a lot of questions I've been carrying with me ever since I decided to break away from the Christian church then eventually even try and go beyond the Unity Spiritual Movement. I won't say whether or not I've come up with answers for those or not nor will do I think I'll ever really feel like getting around to saying more, because I already feel like this one really BIG answer I got is too much as it is.

Here goes:

What Happens After We Die?

If everything on this Earth needs to consume some form of energy and if everything on this Earth consumes another (thing on this Earth) is it safe to say that this could be how reincarnation is possible? The small bits of energy which go into the creation of both the sperm cell and the egg itself could only be the energy obtained from the things you consumed. Now when someone dies their body begins to break down and everything is released. If it's not in the gases a corpse eventually releases, it is broken down by some other organism, for energy. Thus placing your energy back into the cycle.

That's assuming a person's aura is a collection of their thoughts, experiences and material things they consume. It would also be assuming that those three things previously mentioned, before they can be interpreted and perceived (processed I guess?) by the brain, must be converted into an electronic signal to send through the neurons and back. Then, it'd mean that when what's left of those three things, our memories or signals simply able to be repeated, also leave the body upon death and go into the cycle.

I think even past life memories can be understood that way. Meaning, the memories this person has would have to be a sum of the lives they lived which happened to be apart of the cycle which created your body.

And where space is concerned, Time is fluid and doesn't really exist as a "Monday" or "Tuesday" if you know what I mean, so that would allow an oppurtunity for all of this to occur. I don't think I can even start another thing about what I've decided about Time, because well...that would be going back on my word.

Alright, there it is. I've finally said it. It's one of the things I've been thinking about for probably the past few years just trying to understand. What do you think?

Cagey

thornefox — Tue, 24 Apr 2007 15:30:26 GMT

I'm really not even allowed to say anything about anything right now. It's myself! DAMMIT I CAN'T TELL ANYONE!!!!!!!!! All I say is...nothing. I won't say anything. You'll just have to know it's all good news and it will all be revealed soon.

thornefox — Sun, 22 Apr 2007 08:42:06 GMT

It was a nice day out today and I think I even enjoyed the bulk of it outside. Then someone had to tell me two things that I'd already pretty much guessed, which is weird in about three different dimensions of the word and is even slightly saddening for any of the people involved in this whole mess.
Man...really? I've been getting a lot of phone calls from people lately and a lot of "Hey...but how ye doin'? you doin' ok?" in that weird sort of way where they expect you to be saying "No". There was a time when I would have said just that and before that was the time I would have lied and said "Yes". Now? Now is the time where I just say "Yes, I'm doing just fine." and then go about my day in honesty.
I let a lot of things get out of control this semester. Maybe I even neglected some friendships or other responsibilities I had out there in my hands. My mom has been worried about me and claims I've been very "laxidaisical" (or however you spell it) lately, which I think has a lot more to do with this altered world view of mine than anything else. I'm still trying to figure out the way to totally incorporate that into my life.

This thing...finally I've gotten sick of wearing hats. I even stopped worrying about how I walk or how a particular person might be judging me. For the past week, I've felt much closer to the Earth than I ever have. One day I found a spot in the woods and relaxed there barefoot with a cigarette, a pen and some paper. Having that kind of peace, made me feel like I'd just run through a gauntlet in Hell only to end it in Heaven.

FUCK.WEARING.HATS.

Saucer Black Box

thornefox — Wed, 18 Apr 2007 07:12:33 GMT

I'm not quite sure about
How I got to this place
But I do know I think
I maybe like it sometimes.

Everywhere I go is fear
Sort of creeping through
Almost as if it eats away
At everyone else's soul.

Some of these people
Are much too frightened
Of offering their trust
Or sparing their loyalty.

And there are many days
When the killing laws are
Broken without a care at all
For the lives being prevented.

I am certain the people here
Will some day be able to accept
That their lonely state is a lie
And that they are being watched.

The No Magick Rule

thornefox — Wed, 11 Apr 2007 17:55:54 GMT

I know it's gotten to the point where I need to assess what I will and won't believe. Pretty much, I believe that anything is possible and no belief is much more valid than the other, but also that we as people cannot be governed by the same things. We just operate differently. Every person has something different which drives them, which gives the something to fight for or struggle with for a lifetime. People need that, I've needed that.

It's coming up to me now to really start living the way I've prepared myself to. There really is no excuse to continue living the way I have been. Bouncing back and forth between man-self and spirit-self is hard work and eventually the man-self has something to say about the spirit-self and the spirit-self has some kind of challenge for the man-self. Right now I'm dealing with interpreting a dream which may or may not be telling me that I can't use magick to overcome my current issues.

If that's the case, then I'm in for the ride of my life with this. No magick? I feel like I'm being grounded by The Universe. That really was a pun wasn't it? "Grounded by The Universe" punishment "Can't Use Magick". So either it's a punishment or a challenge. The point is that somewhere out there I'm being given things to overcome and I'm thankful.

FUCK!

Sunday Bloody Sunday

thornefox — Tue, 03 Apr 2007 06:45:02 GMT

It feels good being able to check a life goal off the board. I have now officially witnessed a presentation of a Wrestlemania event in person. My favorite moment was the entire time of The Undertaker. Maybe, I can even say truthfully, seeing that in person has soul shifting affects on the witness. Not to mention I had two quite honorable friends there plus two of my cousins and my mom (who let me deliver my very first elbow drop so many years ago).

So guess how good I felt to be the person with the coolest weekend experience to talk about in Spanish class today?

Quick Thoughts

thornefox — Thu, 29 Mar 2007 18:09:56 GMT

Truth be told, I'm getting along quite well in this new stage of life I'm at. I've decided that I'm quite fine with being considered strange by others because well...why not be? I'd be one thing if I did it all on purpose, but I really don't try. Sometimes I think I'm being completely normal and very rational with my decisions and what I say. Maybe I'm wrong or maybe it just really doesn't matter that much at all.

I started thinking about this while watching some Neil Gaiman storytelling or reading some of his interviews. A "friend" of his stated something about Neil having a "bizarre" world view. Of course, Neil replied (on his own blog) to the effect of "I don't find my world view to be at all bizarre.". That's when I realized that this "strangeness" about me isn't something strictly exclusive to me. It happens to others too and probably quite frequently. I find it comforting that my favorite storyteller has had to face similar problems as I have with other people.

There's something special about comics and all of the stories I read. I think maybe I like them so much because they seem as if they are speaking directly to me. When I hear a good story, I don't feel overlooked at all. I feel like I'm being told things and treated no less important than the majority of the other readers. It feels good to be somewhere and feel apart of something, even if it isn't a particular group of people and is instead a group of stories.

I don't know where I'm going with that, but I think maybe that's the truth of it all. The relationships I have with my stories are more intimate than those I have with other people. Perhaps I did ask for it in one way or another, but so what? If there's anything I love in the world when all is said and done it's my imagination. My worse nightmare is that I'll lose it. I'm much less afraid of losing the people around me. Am I a stranger yet?