Living alone both excites and scares me.

For those of you who aren’t caught up, I recently moved into my very own one bedroom apartment.

For those of you who are intimately caught up, I am skipping the series of unfortunate events that quickly followed my move in and am choosing to focus on the good, please join me in that endeavor.

It’s grotesquely expensive but it’s mine and I live here with no roommates!!!! I am living the dream. I am the Black Carrie Bradshaw who is of course the white Joan Clayton but I digress. While living alone certainly has it’s perks (most notably coming home and not having to interact with another person) there are certainly some downsides.

While preparing to live by myself for the first time in my life, I did a lot of research. This consisted of Googling “how to live alone”, scrolling through the endless articles associated with this topic and that’s about it.

According to my Google search, writing this newsletter is a BIG mistake. Because, when you are a young woman who lives alone you should make every effort to keep people from finding out that you live alone lest one of them try to bring harm to you. So I’ve already broken the cardinal rule. Fine. Not to worry, there are several other things you’re supposed to do:

• keep all your windows locked unless actively ventilating and double check them all at night — I technically do this! It’s so hot I have no business opening my windows at all. Check back in with me in the Fall about this one.

• lock your front door —this may seem self explanatory but you can’t imagine how often I have forgotten to lock the door when I’m inside the apartment. I guess my thought process is to lock it to keep people from getting in when I’m not there. But when I am there, I’m like ‘who would try to break in while I’m HERE’ lol. Don’t worry I do check it before bed every night.

• consider a security alarm system — I am in fact considering it so, check!

• give someone your spare key— check!

• only take your trash out during the day — check! But this one is a side effect of me being afraid of the trash rats which I am less likely to see during the day :)

• make friends with your neighbors — every single person who lives in my building is at least 45 years old. Everyone I’ve met has remarked on how young I am. That said, I have neighbors on both sides of my apartment and I did introduce myself to the woman on the right (approx. 65 years old) the first time I saw her. And guess what? The woman on the left is her sister!!! The woman on the right is the only one I ever see because the woman on the left never leaves her apartment. The woman on the right brings her everything she needs. I’m going to study them and write a play about them.

• never post on social media in real time — check check check!!!! This is a big one for me. You have to be so careful about what you post on social media in regards to your location. I have a general rule that I don’t make a post with my location clearly visible until I have already left said location. This logic applies to living alone in regards to vacations and things. You shouldn’t post that you’ll be away from your home for x amount of time because people might go there and rob you!

Now, there are also many things you’re supposed to purchase in order to live alone successfully. A few examples:

• a fire extinguisher

• flashlights

• a bucket

• first aid kit

• tool kit

Nobody had to tell me to buy any of these because I am generally paranoid about emergency/ disaster situations. My current biggest fear related to living alone is choking on something with no one around to give me the Heimlich. I’ve given it a lot of thought and there’s nothing I could do. My best bet would be to run out onto the street and hope a stranger helps me but with no oxygen flow I don’t know if I’d make it down the stairs. My mom says there’s a way to give yourself the Heimlich by slamming up against the back of a chair but I don’t have any chairs with a back high enough. Guess I better thoroughly chew my food…

Health and safety hazards aside- the worst part about living alone is by and large the fact that I have to kill all the bugs by myself. I hate it so much. Killing them isn’t even the worst part if I can grab my spray in time, it’s removing their dead little body! I try to be brave but often times I scream and cry and yell and jump up and down and do whatever it takes to get it done. There’s something so horrific about having to look at them on their backs like that. Maybe subconsciously I think they’re playing dead and will jump up and run up my arm when I try to scoop them up?

All this said, there are some really great things about it. I get to decorate however I please. I don’t have to ask anyone to be quiet while I do a self tape or worry about making too much noise myself. I can do whatever I want? I don’t have to consider anyone else’s space. The other day I put a Minnie Riperton record on blast and sat naked on my couch eating an icepop while the AC blew directly onto my [redacted]. It was a heat wave day! But honestly, being naked is one of my greatest pleasures associated with living alone.

I’m definitely still adjusting. As the days go by, I’m still trying to figure out if I actually like living alone. I’m not sure yet but with 11 months left on my lease, I’ll certainly figure it out. I’m looking forward to Fall, inviting people over to watch Nora Ephron movies, decorating for the holidays and maybe hosting a friends giving? Baby steps. For now, I am still trying to unpack everything.

I leave you with a photo of my kitchen, complete with an Ephron inspired Kitchen Lamp.

Til next time,

Alexis