If you've just discovered my writings, you may be starting at the end. The formatting and naming structure might be a bit confusing for a new reader, so I wanted to offer some clarification.

1. Capitalisation of HIM, HE, PASTOR, MASTER, etc

Capitalisation always refers to the SENIOR PASTOR, the Narcissistic Leader in this astonishing tale. Sometimes, I capitalise THEM, referring to both the Pastor and his wife. Wherever you see capitalisation, you know I’m referring to the abuser.

Why? Because HE controlled me. HE became like ‘God’ even though I still loved my Saviour deeply, I served the MASTER because HE solicited it.

I’ve also realised that when I re-read the PASTOR’s emails, he very often uses capitalisation to emphasise his points. It’s a show of power. I think I inadvertently turned to this formatting because of my familiarity with HIS usage.

2. Names of the PASTOR

I don’t use HIS name. If you know, you know. If you were there, you know who the lead character in our story was. But if you were not, it doesn’t matter. You can replace my usage with your own abuser’s name.

Some clarity over the different references:

a) I say PASTOR when, in the retelling, I was blinded when I trusted and followed HIM.

b) I say MASTER when HE had risen to a position of unwavering authority either with myself or others.

c) I say MONSTER occasionally. Those of you reading may think this term should be used to a greater extent. But the truth of our story is that I didn’t realise HE was a MONSTER until the very end. And even still, I hold onto the faint hope that one day, the MONSTER will repent, fall to HIS knees, realise the depth of the abuse, and desperately try to find a way to repair the damage in HIS final years.

In more recent posts, I have modified HIM to lowercase italics. him, he, pastor, master. This change took place specifically in a moment of freedom that I speak about here:

Stories

I am not like HIM

The Willow Tree

·

April 29, 2024

Continued from River of Tears

Read full story

Now, when I talk of the pastor in the present, since that moment, he is in lowercase italics. he no longer holds power over me.

But if I’m writing about a story from prior to that time, I retain the formatting of capitalisation.

3. Pseudonyms

I use pseudonyms throughout my writing. In early entries, I’m more vague. But as the story continued to unfold, and the players, so many players, needed to be referenced, I began altering names to protect identities. Again it is a case of, if you were there, you likely know. But if you were not, you will not.

4. Austin Bradley - The MASTER, HIM, HE

Austin Bradley represents our real-life church leader at the centre of our high-control religious environment. The name Austin Bradley is a pseudonym used in the book Deep Dive, while the title ‘The MASTER’ is used throughout most of the Substack writings. In the book, he embodies the archetype of a charismatic but coercive spiritual authority—someone who built a following through persuasive rhetoric, prophetic posturing, and an insatiable drive to expand his influence. Austin’s leadership was marked by subtle manipulation, blurred boundaries between spiritual loyalty and personal allegiance, and a pattern of using relationships as leverage to achieve his vision. Those under his leadership often found themselves making deeply sacrificial choices, believing they were serving God, when in reality, they were being drawn deeper into a system built around one man’s image. Austin’s presence looms large throughout the story—not just as a pastor, but as a symbol of the psychological entrapment that can exist within seemingly sincere religious movements.

4. Facts and Evidence

I research everything. I go back to sources—emails, minutes, videos, photographs. I visit locations, and I speak to witnesses, multiple witnesses. While there is a creative spin to my writing, the facts reflect reality — down to the direction of the sun and sometimes the weather on a specific day. Truth is more important to me now than ever before. If you’ve been wondering how I remember everything. I don’t, or at least I didn’t. But I do now. It’s research I do that provides the evidence and detail.

5. Other Survivor Stories

I often collaborate with other survivors in these writings. Sometimes they share their own stories here, and other times, we work together, back and forth, to flesh out their narratives. Detailed stories are thoroughly processed with the individuals involved. This process has been healing and therapeutic for many. If you have a story you wish to share, please reach out.

I hope this explanation helps you to understand the process of The Willow Tree. If you have any questions at all, please reach out or comment here.