the sun is just yellow energy.

thelinus — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 17:45:08 GMT

I am so sleepy. Or like, so bored it makes me sleepy? But also kind of wiped? And I can't decide wether to go to bed early (like super early) or if I should make an attempt to not be lame and actually do something.

It is seriously way too cold out there too. My phone's weather app tells me: "-21 c (real feel -29)". brr.

/whine.

thelinus — Sun, 07 Aug 2011 09:43:42 GMT

1. What was the last book you finished?
2. What book are you currently reading?
3. A book you'd recommend.

my answers:
1. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
2. The Waves by Virginia Woolf
3. The Tiger's Wife by Téa Obreht

Signal Boost: Return of the DDoS

thelinus — Wed, 03 Aug 2011 18:35:43 GMT

Originally posted by deathpixie at Signal Boost: Return of the DDoS

For those wanting to know more about the recent DDoS attacks, yes, it looks like it was the Russian government trying to shut down the dissidents again.

As I said last time, while it's frustrating not to have access, LJ is a lot more than a social network platform. From the article:

"LiveJournal isn’t just a social network. It’s also a platform for organizing civic action. Dozens of network projects and groups mobilize people to solve specific problems — from defending the rights of political prisoners to saving endangered historic architecture in Moscow."

So while I know many are considering the move over to Dreamwidth and other such sites, supporting LJ is a way we can help support those who use it for more than a writing/roleplaying/social venue.

Also, as a FYI, LJ is giving paid users effected by the outage two weeks of paid time as compensation.

thelinus — Sat, 26 Feb 2011 10:01:17 GMT

THAT. WAS FUCKING AWESOME.
what the fuuuuuuck.
Genevieve was AMAZING! Jared's gigantic mansion! J&J don't talk to each other!
they killed Misha DD:
i don't even know, man! wheee!

it's gonna be a long, cold winter.

thelinus — Mon, 23 Aug 2010 14:59:00 GMT

Day 20 – Favorite kiss:
gah. i gotta confess, i remember almost zero kisses from books. the only ones i do (think) i remember somehow are again, Tommy & Charlie kiss after an argument and possibly Harry & Cho kissing? with Tommy and Charlie it was because it was so well written and passionate and funny, and with Harry & Cho because it was Harry's first kiss ever, so it was kinda exciting. and the "how was it?" "wet" thing. of course, it wasn't actually described in the book (as i see now, looking it up in the book), but still. it counts!

------

there was something i wanted to write in here last night, but i cannot for the life of me remember what it was. hmm.

aaanyway, YAY TRUE BLOOD --->
in random order:

- yay Tara/Jason!
- wtf, werePANTHER?? also, i thought it was Tara at first, and was all wtffff.
- "you know you have feelings for me" "ew"
- hopped up on V!Lafayette & Jesus are cuuuutte. also, really wanna know what Lafayette can do.
- Sookie's a faaairy, hee. it got more amusing every time Bill said it.
- Eric is so cute when he cares.
- i hate Tommy so, so fucking much. wanna kick 'im in the teeth. and yet, its not exactly his fault he's such an asshole.
- wtf, Sam??
- "blah, blah, vampire emergency, blah". Pam is growing on me, i think.
- yay Jessica/Hoyt!

thelinus — Fri, 20 Aug 2010 16:19:44 GMT

Day 17 – Favorite story or collection of stories (short stories, novellas, novelettes, etc.)
I'd almost have to go with either Self-Made Man or Wormwood, both by Poppy Z Brite. I have caught some flack once for saying she was one of my favourite authors (still is) - the person judging me thought I was an idiot, without any taste in literature, and that PZB was one of your more despicable teenage emo-horror writers. Although I very much enjoyed Lost Boys and Drawing Blood etc, they are obviously not the only thing PZB has written, and I enjoyed her Liquor series even more (aha, another series I've read..hmm), though my favourite might still be Exquisite Corpse which is some of her more hardcore horror.

But that is beside the point. I chose this/these, because in all honesty, the stories kept me entertained throughout (as far as I can remember). I'm not enough of a literary snob (or one at all really) to list VW's or Katherine Mansfield's short stories as my favourite, even though I've enjoyed several by both. PZB's short stories (these, anyway) are gruelling and chilling and morbid, but they were also entertaining and interesting. I think I've developed a somewhat weaker stomach when it comes to horror; I was less affected by/afraid of it when I was very depressed, so I'm not sure what my reaction would be now. Maybe I should see?

----

no ART BLOG recs? i'm sure some of you follow art blogs/journals/deviant accounts!

in which i am a bit complainy.

thelinus — Mon, 16 Aug 2010 12:37:26 GMT

Day 01 – A book series you wish had gone on longer OR a book series you wish would just freaking end already (or both!)
Day 02 – A book or series you wish more people were reading and talking about
Day 03 – The best book you’ve read in the last 12 months
Day 04 – Your favorite book or series ever
Day 05 – A book or series you hate
Day 06 – Favorite book of your favorite series OR your favorite book of all time
Day 07 – Least favorite plot device employed by way too many books you actually enjoyed otherwise
Day 08 – A book everyone should read at least once
Day 09 – Best scene ever
Day 10 – A book you thought you wouldn’t like but ended up loving
Day 11 – A book that disappointed you
Day 12 – A book or series of books you’ve read more than five times
Day 13 – Favorite childhood book OR current favorite YA book (or both!)
Day 14 – Favorite character in a book (of any sex or gender)
Day 15 – Your “comfort” book
Day 16 – Favorite poem or collection of poetry
Day 17 – Favorite story or collection of stories (short stories, novellas, novelettes, etc.)
Day 18 – Favorite beginning scene in a book
Day 19 – Favorite book cover (bonus points for posting an image!)
Day 20 – Favorite kiss
Day 21 – Favorite romantic/sexual relationship (including asexual romantic relationships)
Day 22 – Favorite non-sexual relationship (including asexual romantic relationships)
Day 23 – Most annoying character ever
Day 24 – Best quote from a novel
Day 25 – Any five books from your “to be read” stack
Day 26 – OMG WTF? OR most irritating/awful/annoying book ending
Day 27 – If a book contains ______, you will always read it (and a book or books that contain it)!
Day 28 – First favorite book or series obsession
Day 29 – Saddest character death OR best/most satisfying character death (or both!)
Day 30 – What book are you reading right now?

Day 15 – Your “comfort” book:
Definitely all the Virginia Woolf diaries. They just soothe my mind and can oddly enough keep me attentive and entertained for hours. When I was feeling really ill and sad and lonely and miserable last fall, these books were like my saviours. Especially when she wrote about when she was ill, confined to bedrest for months on end, and so on. But not only that, she's so...strange, and alert and scrutinizing. I love reading her descriptions of the downs, or the garden, people's homes, London, etc.

eta: also, I'm an absolute whore for Agatha Christie's Hercule Poirot books. Definitly also comfort reading.

Day 16 – Favorite poem or collection of poetry:
Nothing Unrequited Here by Heather Bell. I came upon this collection and the author through One Night Stanzas, and after reading a couple of the poems, I asked my parents if they could buy it for me for my birthday (or was it Christmas?), and they did. It's really good, beautiful, funny stuff, written by a rather unknown woman. Gorgeous binding as well, completely hand made.

----

i've been feeling reeeeal tired and meh today. wonder what is up with that. can't be the weather as its sunny and warm (still - it was supposed to get cooler! i want cooler weather, okay! the heat and sun was great, but i'm finnish for fucks sake. give me the rain and the cardigan weather already), and nothing bad has happened. and i don't think i'm sick.

it's dad's birthday on wednesday, should come up with a gift (i'm so late again); and sign-ups for uni courses start tomorrow; and i should get my Uni nation thing sorted out; i need to figure out my goals for my therapy (something about her is rubbing me the wrong way, augh)and oh yeah, I REALLY NEED AN APARTMENT. also, money would be nice, aka a job.

the productive things i have done today include: yoga, buying vitamins and sorta studying for my uni IT test. i suppose that's something? *vegetates*

p.s. i still want to eat like ALL THE TIME. but i think that's mostly boredom. grrrreat.

day 14!

thelinus — Sun, 15 Aug 2010 18:28:43 GMT

Day 14 – Favorite character in a book (of any sex or gender)
Favourite character EVER in a book, or just a favourite character in whatever random book? I guess, I'll go for Ronja of Ronja Rövardotter (Ronja, the Robber's Daughter) by Astrid Lidgren. She's just...courageous and tomboyish, sweet. I don't really have a really good reason for liking her. And I'm much influenced by the movie, which I saw waaaay before I read the book (and it was like my favourite movie for years), which features the adorable Hanna Zetterberg as Ronja. If I had read the book first, and a few years later than when I saw the movies, I might say Mattis, Ronja's father. I'd still be pretty inclined to say him now, too.

i will eat your head, maybe.

thelinus — Sat, 14 Aug 2010 20:07:52 GMT

Day 13 – Favorite childhood book OR current favorite YA book (or both!)
I couldn't find a picture of the original Swedish cover, but this book! It's called Storm-Stina, by Lena Anderson. I loved reading through it again and again, mostly because of the pictures. Its a young girl spending the summer with her grandfather on a tiny little island, and she gathers stuff that floats ashore and makes cool things out of them. Idk, there was just something about it that I loved, and still do.

Two other favourites were Riku, Roope ja Ringo lentvät kuuhun (Riku, Roope and Ringo Fly To The Moon) by Mauri Kunnas and Häntä pystyyn porkkanit (Tails Up, Carrot-Rabbits) by Leena Arikkala. The first one is about dogs flying to the moon to fix a robot that's become old and weary (they give him colourful mittens and scarves which make him happy!) and the second one is about a family of rabbits that are starving and try to find food and get caught up with some bad foxes and things.

----
i bought this film for 99 cents a couple weeks ago, because it looked interesting and was hella cheap. its called Things We Lost in the Fire, with Halle Berry and Benicio Del Toro. its GOOD. why haven't i heard about it before, and why did they sell it for such a ridiculously low price? also, why are Halle Berry movies always so full of sexy scenes?

thelinus — Thu, 12 Aug 2010 07:40:38 GMT

Day 12 – A book or series of books you’ve read more than five times
If you count both books, I'm sure I've read BJ at least five times, if not more. It was my absolute favourite at around 14 or 15. And as great as the first movie is, the books are infinitely better. I used to wake up in the mornings and find myself lying on a very tattered paperback.

----

went to the GE doctor yesterday (after my psychotherapy) and she told me that the strong pulsing and thudding i've been feeling in my stomach for the past year or more is simply my abdominal aeorta, which can be felt so clearly because i'm so skinny. hilarious and relieving. same thing with my internal organs - i can feel them very clearly through my stomach, which is a bit weird, but that is also because i'm skinny and have almost no musculature in my abdomen. must do something about that.

still, i'm going in for a ultra sound and salmonella test tomorrow. just to check things out.

and, after telling at least three people that i'd been feeling really good for the past two months or so, i got IBS cramps and strange pulling and gurgling in my stomach yesterday evening. *headdesk* i expect these things to go away again ASAP, though. or else.

in which i meme and ramble.

thelinus — Tue, 10 Aug 2010 17:48:40 GMT

Day 10 – A book you thought you wouldn’t like but ended up loving
Vanikan Palat by Hannu Väisänen was, I think, recommended to me by my dad. It's basically about an army kid in the 1950's or so, living at an army base with lots of other families. It doesn't sound like anything I would be even remotely interested in, but actually, it was very good. Again, for historical reasons, its interesting to see the day-to-day life described in it, but its also interesting to hear the story of a 7-year old boy told by the adult he grew up to be.

Day 11 – A book that disappointed you
The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerlad. The way this book had been lauded, how its a classic and a must read in modern American fiction, etc etc, had me thinking it would be wonderful. Admittedly, I didn't read it for my own pleasure, but because it was on the reading list for one of my courses, but still. I just. Sure it was an okay book, and it made some nice points, but I just didn't get what was so phenomenal about it. A pity, really.

- you know what one of the lamest feelings ever is? getting depressed and pissy because someone who has had a rough time of it has had a good period, is getting on in life and is doing what they've always dreamed of doing - and you're not.

its completely human, but its one of the most unattractive emotions or reactions one can have. and my whole morning and afternoon went down the shithole, because i reacted just so in such a situation. and not because i felt bad that i felt that way, but because why can't i ever have anything? why does no one like me, why can i not get a job, why am i even trying? ugh. so stupid and pointless. *sigh*

- the fact that i have to see a gastroentreologist tomorrow when i've been feeling perfectly fine for months now *knock on wood* isn't making me any happier, especially if there's a chance they might want to do an endoscopy, which i have already suffered once and would like to avoid having to do again, if possible.

- also, i have two weeks to find myself and Kaisa an appartment with low rent, and its not looking very good; the student housing system in Helsinki is very congested and flats are hugely pricey and unavailable in general over here and argh. I can't stay here because its too expensive and I have no privacy and my roomie is moving out anyway and and and. STRESS.

but. i put my faith in the universe and trust it to take care of me *hippie*

- also, i caved in and watched the season 5 gagreel and omg, so much love &hearts only a month and a half or so till we get the boys baaack! whee.

all wrong.

thelinus — Sat, 07 Aug 2010 15:12:49 GMT

Day 09 – Best scene ever:
Okay, this will be a repeat, bookwise, but the first thing I thought of (and lets face it, it IS pretty awesome), is SPOILERS AHEAD: Tom does cocaine with a girl in the invalid toilets, by rubbing the coke inside her ass and then proceding to rim it out of her. I'm sorry, but that totally rocked my teenage mind, and I still find it kind of hilarious and hot in a very stupid and dangerous, non-RL kinda way.

There are probably other scenes that would be absolutely awesome, but this is what you're getting!

----

in other news i went to the gym today for the first time in about a year and a half. i felt like i'd never been there before, total klutz, and my muscles are so non-existent, its kinda sad.

~~and i'm gonna head to a girly girl's worst nightmare kind of shindig: foam party! it's gonna be...interesting? and wet, by the look of things. makes picking clothes and make up kinda difficult.~~ change of plans.

books, 2 for 1!

thelinus — Fri, 06 Aug 2010 18:22:35 GMT

Day 07 – Least favorite plot device employed by way too many books you actually enjoyed otherwise
The only one I can think of, and it doesn't really bother me THAT much, just confuses me, is the trope of detectives who have drinking problems and/or difficult relationships with their children. ALWAYS. Wallander, Erlendur, etc.

Day 08 – A book everyone should read at least once
Well, I already mentioned Eckhart Tolle. The only other book that I have read, that can say I wished everyone would read is Homosexuality, A History by Colin Spencer. It is very thorough, starts as early as one can possibly get (much before ancient Greece, for example) and discusses several issues and view points etc.

I also think there are culture- and country-specific things that people should read, like for Finns, I think it would be very educational to have read the Kalevala (which I haven't). A history of ones country or people, not to mention the history of the world would be very good. Anything that reminds people that they are not the first people on earth, others have had ideas and others have done great things before them. Also anything that reminds people of their spiritual side.

day 6, plus a lot of babble.

thelinus — Wed, 04 Aug 2010 08:29:13 GMT

Day 06 – Favorite book of your favorite series OR your favorite book of all time
since i've basically answered both of these questions already, i'll go for another series, that i DO love a lot, and my favourite of them, Punainen Erokirja by Pirkko Saisio (the title could be translated into The Red Resignation/Divorce Book).

It's the last part of an autobiographical trilogy, and its mostly about her life as a student in the 70's at the University of Helsinki (where I am!), her girlfriend and having her first child. She's probably my favourite finnish author, her style of writing is very specific and I love all the descriptions of Helsinki and the University in it, how she makes it all sound very common and everyday-like, while at the same time making it romantic and urban, all of which they are, really.

-----

somewhat relatedly (why do i use capital lettering in the book meme, and then instantly revert to my usual ways when i write something else?), since she was also a communist and the book certainly talks about that too: i started thinking about my parents, and my uncle(s) and aunt(s) in the morning, and the irony of it all, somehow.

what i mean is, my parents and my fathers twin brother and wife were all commies in the 60's and 70's; very passionate and hopeful of the prevailing of a true, good communist Russia, or hopefully, a communist world. they were quite sincerely behind the original idea of communism, which is (in my opinion) a very noble and good one, but sort of failed to maybe see the bad shit that was going on. but that's beside the point. my point is, that they were communists, and my dad's eldest brother and her wife were Maoists (and they had big old arguments with each other about which was better), and now?

now they're all middle class bourgeoises, living quite comfortably in the capitalist society they are in. and sure, they're all still very emotionally connected to the memories and ideas, and are all very left wing politically, but...i wonder if their young selves would have approved?

and i don't mean this in a judgmental way, i just find it funny. that that's how life goes.

also relatedly, my dad just came back on monday from an 8 day trip to East Karelia, on the Russian side, namely Vienna Karelia. he went with 16 friends, about half and half of finns and germans, and they stayed in tiny little rural villages that looked like they had stuck in the 1950's, and got to sleep and eat at little B&B's, that were essentially the private homes of old ladies who made their living by catering to tourists. the reason i'm mentioning it is simply because it think it is wonderful that he/they went and experienced all of that, and that my dad arranged it, and the idea of the people there, living in poverty and as an "outdoors museum" as my dad put it, is quite sad and jolting.

and lastly, mom wants me to see another gastroentreologist, because i've had this weird pulsing in my stomach for over a year and goddammit i am so sick of seeing doctors and the pulsing doesn't bother me and i've been better, WILL I NEVER ESCAPE DOCTORS??

day 5!

thelinus — Tue, 03 Aug 2010 18:21:55 GMT

Day 05 – A book or series you hate
I don't think I really read stuff I hate or dislike or find boring. I stop reading in that case (except if it's for school, but I haven't hated any of the stuff I've read academically either). So therefore, I must judge a book by its ~~reputation~~ cover (ha ha), and say the Twilight series. I haven't read any of it, tried to listen my way through the first audibook and gave up after 30 minutes. It just sounds bad in every way. But as I haven't read it, I can't say for sure, obviously!

thelinus — Sun, 01 Aug 2010 11:29:06 GMT

Day 04 – Your favorite book or series ever
This is virtually impossible to answer. At least since I'm going with the book, for the sake of variation (otherwise I'll have to give the same answer to different questions). I'm not very certain of my pick, Tommy's Tale by Alan Cumming (the actor!!) but here is how I chose it:

- i have read it at least three times
- it was hugely inspirational to me when i first got it (i think i was maybe 15 or 16?)
- it deals with questions that are relevant and interesting to me (homosexuality, children, friendships, addiction and depression).
- its funny as hell and an easy read
- i would and have recommended it to several people.

and yet, i feel i can't with complete honesty say this is my favourite book of all time, but seriously, that is a very difficult thing to decide. its not what i would want to read right now, and i haven't really actively thought about if in years. but its what used to be the greatest thing ever for me, so. until i can decide what that would be right now, this is what i'll answer.

-----

i went out last night, by myself. i have done that quite a few times, and only now realised it doesn't seem to be a done thing. about six people asked me if i was alone and all seemed a quite surprised when i said yes!

but i had fun! i am so glad and proud of myself that i know how to do that, nowadays. i danced a whole lot (despite the mostly shitty music played at DTM, like at every gay club known to man), at times a little uhh...improperly, with a very drunk and handsy girl who i think was trying to build a harem for herself. she had like five girls around her at some point. hee.

and i came across amaoto_channel and trash_society, plus the cute (i knew it!) gay boy who is the current tenant in my apartment! yay :)

p.s. i loved Alejandro by Gaga when her album came out, but then i listened to it so many times that i got tired of it, and was still kinda sick of it when it was released as a single, but MAN, is that a good jam to play at a club. sounded so good, and everyone was singing along, so i had to run back to the dancefloor and dance to it, even though i had already gotten all my gear and was ready to leave.

day 3 of books.

thelinus — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 18:30:35 GMT

Day 03 – The best book you’ve read in the last 12 months
Utvandrarna (The Emigrants) by Vilhelm Moberg. I just finished reading this a couple of weeks ago, and it is SO GOOD. I also just finished reading the second book in this series (there are four all together) and it was equally good, but somehow I feel I should name this one, because its the starting point.

It's about people from a small Swedish village in the 1850's. It tells of the hunger and poverty of these people, due to bad crops, natural disasters and general problems in society. Children die of hunger, people become indebted and lots of people have to suffer bad treatment as farmhands etc. Because of all this, a group of 16 people from the village decide to emigrate to North America, and most of the book is about the passage over the Atlantic.

It's very realistic, very historically interesting & appealing, but also very personal and humane. So, so good. And should definitely be read in the language it was written, if at all possible (though there are probably some very good translations out there, I don't know).

day 2!

thelinus — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 16:58:48 GMT

haha, here i am, posting again. let's just say i wont make it my goal to post every day, but it might turn out that i will.

Day 02 - A book or series you wish more people were reading and talking about
I'm going to say The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. Now, it's not like people aren't talking about it - its probably the most popular and respected spiritual/'self-help' guide out there. Oprah's talked about it, so really, its known. But still, most people probably do not know about it, and even fewer have read it. And I personally think that if this was obligatory reading (which is never really a good idea, but anyway) in high school or somewhere like that, the world might be a much better and happier place.

It puts your life into respective, it puts life in GENERAL in perspective, points the way to peace of mind and openness and true kindness, I think. It did for me, anyway.

30 Days of Books

thelinus — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 16:14:08 GMT

stole this from Lily of the Valley! books, how i love them. probably won't answer these every day like i did with the original 30 Days meme, but we'll see.

Day 01 – A book series you wish had gone on longer OR a book series you wish would just freaking end already (or both!)
Day 02 – A book or series you wish more people were reading and talking about
Day 03 – The best book you’ve read in the last 12 months
Day 04 – Your favorite book or series ever
Day 05 – A book or series you hate
Day 06 – Favorite book of your favorite series OR your favorite book of all time
Day 07 – Least favorite plot device employed by way too many books you actually enjoyed otherwise
Day 08 – A book everyone should read at least once
Day 09 – Best scene ever
Day 10 – A book you thought you wouldn’t like but ended up loving
Day 11 – A book that disappointed you
Day 12 – A book or series of books you’ve read more than five times
Day 13 – Favorite childhood book OR current favorite YA book (or both!)
Day 14 – Favorite character in a book (of any sex or gender)
Day 15 – Your “comfort” book
Day 16 – Favorite poem or collection of poetry
Day 17 – Favorite story or collection of stories (short stories, novellas, novelettes, etc.)
Day 18 – Favorite beginning scene in a book
Day 19 – Favorite book cover (bonus points for posting an image!)
Day 20 – Favorite kiss
Day 21 – Favorite romantic/sexual relationship (including asexual romantic relationships)
Day 22 – Favorite non-sexual relationship (including asexual romantic relationships)
Day 23 – Most annoying character ever
Day 24 – Best quote from a novel
Day 25 – Any five books from your “to be read” stack
Day 26 – OMG WTF? OR most irritating/awful/annoying book ending
Day 27 – If a book contains ______, you will always read it (and a book or books that contain it)!
Day 28 – First favorite book or series obsession
Day 29 – Saddest character death OR best/most satisfying character death (or both!)
Day 30 – What book are you reading right now?

Day 01 – A book series you wish had gone on longer OR a book series you wish would just freaking end already (or both!)
This is difficult, mostly because I haven't read a whole lot of series (can think of only 3 series off the top of my head, and i'm currently reading one of them). So I'll probably have to go with Harry Potter, and it answers both. I wish it would have gone on longer, or that it would have gone on to the end being as great as it was up until book 6. I also wish she would have sooner ended the whole series a book to early than publish the awfulness that was at least the end of book 7.

[summer] of our discontent.

thelinus — Mon, 31 May 2010 19:01:12 GMT

been too (sincerely, true enough) positive for too long, and i'm bursting with slowly creeping discontent and worry and my body feels out of sorts and wrong and i am anxious and therefore...

in bullet-points, of sorts:

- i have no money, and will have to take out all my savings to be able to live through the summer.
- the reason i have no money is because my body is fucked, and also because i have no fucking work ethic, and am a spoiled little white girl who never has to do anything to get what she wants, and so happily says no to available jobs, because i don't think i can manage the workload.
- i have to spend fucking ridiculous amounts of money and time on getting and making food each week, and half of the time i am fucking sick of eating what ever it is i'm making, because i've had that same food 4 times that week already (broccoli, carrot, zucchini, lentils, broccoli, carrot, zucchini, lentils...).
- i will never ever fucking find someone. nobody is interested in me, and even when i think i look good and feel happy, i come away disappointed and feeling ugly.
- i'm borderline under weight, but i'm starting to get afraid of my eating habits again, i eat and eat and eat and cannot get enough, and what if i start gaining weight again and can't stop eating and will end up really obese again?
- my life will never be fucking normal, i will never hold down a steady job, or have a family, or friends that actually contact me before i contact them, friends who like me as much as i like them. i want to give my parents grandchildren but i probably can't and it pisses me off and saddens me so much.
- i have no idea if i actually even want to become a translator. half the time i do, half the time i don't.
- i have all these things i want to do and i'm not doing any of them because i'm too afraid of what might or might not happen, i think too far ahead.
- my ear aches and i cannot have infections because i cannot take antibiotics and i've been to the doctor enough to last me half a life time, thank you very much.

thelinus — Tue, 18 May 2010 09:53:45 GMT

i was corageous yesterday and wore these very short shorts outside to the park. i havent worn shorts in ages, first because i was too fat (? bullshit) and then because the skin on my legs is...droopy. as you can see. but whatever. its my body, i love it, and i can't go the rest of my life covering it up just because it's gone through big changes, some of which i'm rather proud to take credit for.

SUNSHINE! it is everywhere. and its hot. except for now - the sun is still shining, but they've been promising rain and thunder storms, which i'm rather excited for.

i am off to my nutritional therapist, hoping she's got some good ideas, is happy with my progress (?) and that it doesn't cost much over 100e @.@ expensive bastard. but a nice, expensive bastard, who has helped me quite a lot, so.

♥

--------

Day 01- Guilty pleasure
Day 02- Something that inspires you
Day 03- The five songs you would have with you on a desert island and why
Day 04- What you imagine paradise to be like
Day 05- A thank you letter to someone who has changed your life
Day 06- Earliest thing you can remember
Day 07- Favorite cover of your favorite song
Day 08- Someone you think would make a good president
Day 09- Five things you want to see change
Day 10- A dream you had this past week described in detail
Day 11- Favorite picture ever taken of yourself
Day 12- Your favorite musical artist's life story
Day 13- A memory that never fails to make you laugh
Day 14- Best mashup you've ever heard
Day 15- A moment, phrase, or song that has changed your life the most
Day 16- Something that you want to do within the next five years
Day 17- What you want to remembered for
Day 18- A picture that makes you feel
Day 19- A passage from a book that has touched you
Day 20- A band that you immediately liked and the song that made you like them
Day 21- Your favorite medium of art
Day 22- Someone you would give your life up for without question
Day 23- Most awkward first impression you feel you’ve ever given
Day 24- Something you did as a child that other people remember you for
Day 25- Something you would do if no one stopped you or if you knew you wouldn't fail
Day 26- Your definition of love
Day 27- Your definition of the meaning of life
Day 28- A moment you remember being completely happy in and a description of why you believe you were. What is your definition of happiness?
Day 29- What you live for
Day 30- Ways you believe you have grown over the past thirty days

Day 21- Your favorite medium of art: this is a hard one. of all arts i have to say music, because its just...music. it can give you everything. words and sounds and images. but if we're talking visual arts, it's not as easy. its a bit of a tie between painting/drawing and photography. and if you'll really twist my arm, i might go for photography.

good, better, best!

thelinus — Mon, 12 Apr 2010 08:01:20 GMT

[ 1 1 0 - 3 6 5 ] J... just for laughs! (EXPLORED)
Originally uploaded by Olga M. Soto

Dear Flist,

How can I entertain you more? My posts seem to echo to deaf ears, as they'd say in Finnish, and it does make me feel a little like I'm just taking up unnecessary space on your friends page! And I don't want to do that. I LIKE you guys.

So, any suggestions are welcome! Mwah.

ugh.

thelinus — Thu, 01 Apr 2010 19:03:38 GMT

my mom played the best April Fools joke on me, but it will only make sense to finns!

äiti (facebookissa): Jari Sillanpää ja Marco Bjuström meni eilen naimisiin!!!!!
minä: OMGWTF?!?! [kaverille] Jari Sillanpää ja Marco Bjuström meni eilen....ei VITTU.
äiti: lol.

uskoin sen IHAN TÄYSILLÄ viis sekuntia ja olin ihan hämilläni ja innostunu, ja sit tajusin.

damn you april fools. and i'm sorry, this is annoying, but it really doesn't make any sense to anyone who doesn't know the two gay finnish celebs Jari Sillanpää & Marco Bjuström, which my mother claimed had gotten married yesterday. see?

Writer's Block: Role model

thelinus — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 12:54:21 GMT

yes, Severus Snape. i think he would tell me to quit whining and being pathetic and just suck it up and shut up about it. he can live in emotional pain for decades, why should a year of shit make me wallow like a pathetic little bitch?

ah, Severus. i do love you so. and that actually made me feel better, go figure!

also, i seem to be totally rooting for Elena/Stefan, despite my earlier postulations about insta-romances and my general dislike of hetero love on television/in movies. how progressive and adult of me! i would, however, still like to see Stefan with someone more MALE. but not Damon. have come to the conclusion that they have about zero chemistry, Damon is obviously fucked up and not even in a fun way, and Stefan needs a human counterpart. ALSO, Jeremy and Tyler would make a cute couple.

as always, new entries up at my blog.

sing songs for the wishing.

thelinus — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 16:12:20 GMT

not to be dramatic or anything, but when you live with pain for long enough, and even when you get used to the fact that it will be recurring, and you know how much it hurts when it comes, you still never get used to it, not really. even though you KNOW its there, waiting, each time just knocks the breath out of you.

and its not JUST the pain, because if it was, you'd probably do a lot better. its the fear of pain, of having to wait for it, and expect it and be afraid of when it will come again. that makes it twice as bad.

and you might think that its a tiny small bit of your life, this pain and fear. there are thousands of other things. and its not really anything serious, even if it hurts like hell. but it ends up eating so much of your thoughts, of your time. it consumes you, because you don't want to make plans anymore, because what if the pain comes. or what if its already there?

so sometimes you just want it to be OVER. to make it stop completely by any means necessary. because if this is what the rest of your life looks like, then you don't think its worth it, and you may just as well bow out early. for your sake and for the sake of others. really, its nothing dramatic, its just logical.

but of course you wont. if for no other reason (and there are lots of very good reasons), then just because you would be the laughing stock of everyone, killing yourself because of that.

its just a thought. but still.