All week I’ve heard from my liberal friends that they are doing self-care, self-soothing, and self-isolation. My grief and disappointment about this country unmasked has taken the form of manic, simmering rage. I am reconciling the country that indoctrinated me into the military on cold war patriotism with one that is intent on whoring itself out to whatever dictator smiles prettiest upon our next president. I am trying to sort truth from propaganda – the pious religiosity of churchgoing monsters with their moral turpitude of worshiping a rapist, racist, and felon. How do I reconcile my desire as a woman for progress and a better future for my daughter with the vile trad wives of conservatism?
Light skimming of the news shows that all the most malevolent, corrosive white people in America are being nominated into thrones of national power – the dog killer for Homeland Security, a Fox ghoul for Defense Secretary, Dolores Umbridge, the new Chief of Staff with Voldemort lite as deputy chief, the quivering White Fish Belly in charge of a made up government efficiency group, and the list goes on. If you’re an unqualified cult worshipper who has your lips firmly planted on the dotard’s ass, you’re in. If you like science, have high ethical standards, critical thinking skills, any morals at all, or diplomatic bonafides, there’s the exit. Welcome to the age of Authoritarian incompetency – incompetency that will erode our country domestically and destroy diplomatic ties abroad (and put us on a war footing). Not to mention the embarrassment from the jabbering old dude in charge of it all.
I am trying to remember what good character is, what ethics truly are, and what integrity means. Having a moral compass and holding tight to it is the only way to navigate forward. What does this mean in a world run by histrionic sociopathic billionaires, white women who only want to “help”, and a large percentage of the American public who will believe whatever their creepy old uncle tells them?
Many people will try to justify themselves, but I keep these ideas in mind:
- Having money and power doesn’t make a person intelligent. There’s a slyness at working a capitalist system and all its leaky loopholes, but that is one very particular kind of skill set.
- Believing in god(s) gives no one inherent empathy, kindness, or decency. There is an ability when having faith in things unseen, to more easily believe that what one can see is not the truth. Conspiracy and denial are the slippery slope that many people have willingly slid down and allowed to fuel their hate-filled screeds about the others.
- Having expertise in one area does not make one an expert in every area. Now that we have more years ahead of mentally warped mostly white people running our country into the ground, it is important to remember that the podium, platform, and loudspeaker does not lend veracity or credibility.
- Popularity was never a barometer of good choices.
- People lie a lot about their belief systems. To themselves and to each other.
- Intelligence, thoughtfulness, and critical thinking is not highly valued in this country.
- Exploitation by the wealthy and the blaming of others by the exploited is the American way.
- Short attention spans are a gift to capitalist thieves.
I recognize how harsh this may read, but the pragmatism of surviving an authoritarian regime begs us not to pull punches. As I read, once again, Gene Sharp’s works on nonviolent action, it is clear that the above ideas occlude and impede one’s ability to influence other humans. We don’t speak a common language, so how can we organize for a common cause or make any progress to save ourselves or the planet?
With those things in mind, what is there to hold fast to? There is something to be said for groundlessness, the acceptance of impermanence, the ability to let go and let be. Being human was always this, no matter how we tried to anchor ourselves to belief systems to feel a degree of certainty. We all die – and no power, money, or social media traffic stats will change that. Young pretty influencers will wither away into invisible old women and buff gym bros will shrivel up into leathery loudmouths at the end of the bar. And to dust they all will go. Old people in power will pass their money to their ungrateful spawn who will strangle the rest of the world, in the desperate attempt to hold on to delusions of security and ego. That it has reached such a bloated, inequitable state is a matter of scale. More people to exploit means that more people will be exploited.
“Authoritarianism begins when we can no longer tell the difference between the true and the appealing. At the same time, the cynic who decides that there is no truth at all is the citizen who welcomes the tyrant.”
― Timothy Snyder, The Road to Unfreedom: Russia, Europe, America
I recognize that as a human, I play a role in all of this. I grew up in poverty, but I’ve reached the illusion of a solidly middle class existence. I’m a white woman and I’ve just watched a majority of voters in my demographic once again betray all women, as they have done over the centuries. Much of this is the outcome of toxic patriarchal norms that has so begrudgingly handed autonomy to women and seeks to take any of it back. We are soaked in misogyny – fish who do not recognize that we are in water. Some women assume there will be some safety in whiteness, in maleness, in belief of an afterlife, as if any of that had inherent value beyond a history of exploitation and denial of responsibility.
Whew. It’s a lot. As I said, manic, simmering rage. Where do I go with this?
In some ways, it’s very simple and in others, complicated. The golden rule is an easy one, until you recognize that some people aren’t operating in the same moral sphere or have developed such toxic self-involved habits as to be inured to the suffering of others. We speak the language of therapy now without the accompanying language of responsibility. We speak of rights, but little of obligations. We rail on about freedoms when what we mean is freedom from caring about others. It’s a Libertarian wet dream. Throw in conservative faux morality, gun fetish, and culture war wanking and it’s porn for the American power structures. And we haven’t even gotten to the actual porn which has warped some humans so much that they’d rather screw robots (and often treat other humans as if they were receptacles) than learn how to become fully-fledged humans with relationship and communication skills. P.S. I’d much prefer people screwing robots versus going on shooting rampages. That would be a great trade-in. Give us your guns and we’ll give you a Kitty-Tits-Light-Up. Women could live unimpeded.
I thought I had a point, but no, still angry. Usually I can write myself into a circumspect, thoughtful place. I don’t want to add to the anger in the world. But I know that moving forward requires that I acknowledge this feeling that the tide has shifted in a direction where all of this has been normalized. Part of me is screaming this is not normal. This is not moral or ethical. This is not the world I want for my daughter.
Anger is the easy part.
What comes next is surely more difficult. What is my role in all of this? Where have I gone blithely through my life with a magic eye, seeing only what I want to see? What actions have I or am I taking to make the world any better? When has the visible and invisible hand of power and privilege in my life come at the expense of someone else’s? To what degree is learned helplessness and complacency part of my character? What do I owe to others? How do I move forward feeling a sense of distrust and in many cases, dislike, of my fellow citizens?
Don’t mistake this for blame-shifting. I wholeheartedly blame a lot of people for the shit storm we are entering. Mostly those with money and power who have wielded it as a sword against others instead of as a shield for the most vulnerable. But unlike the conservative grievance philosophy, I know that I have little control over what others do and that blame, in and of itself, is the refuge of lazy thinking. My locus of control is how I react to them and how I conduct myself going forward. What are my priorities? What are my beliefs? What are my obligations?
Perhaps someday I’ll go back to writing fluffy little essays about my garden, but today is not that day. It’s been a minute since we decided that it was time for the end of democracy. We’ve not even begun to see the outcome of handing the keys of the country to an authoritarian felon, who sexually assaulted women, and his incompetent fascist lackeys. It might be some time until I simmer down.
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