Hello.

It's been so long. I want someone to talk to, just to talk. Maybe to talk and reassure me that I'm not crazy, that I'm not actually asking for too much from others. I want so desperately for people to find this "by accident" and know how I really feel, but I'm afraid of the consequences. Even if I straight up told him that I felt underappreciated, even if I revealed to him just how much his attention matters to me, it still wouldn't be enough. I've told him pretty much this before, and it hasn't changed anything, and if I were to tell him again, it still wouldn't measure up. I want him to discover it, I want it to dawn on him that I am the best he's ever had and ever will have, I want him to run to me in appreciation of it. That's unrealistic.

I make the mistake of thinking I know the best course of action and being dissappointed when it doesn't work out my way. Just because he doesn't do things the way I want him to doesnt mean he doesn't love me, right? So what happens when he loves me in a way that is unsatisfactory to me? Should I just learn to be satisfied with less? Do I want too much?

I really do remember a time when he did the things I wanted and said the things I wanted, or else I wouldn't have let him in. Is it wrong for me to expect him to still do this?

Prioritize me. Seek to appease me. Share your life with me. Ask to share my life with you. That's what I want. I want you to want me, want you to integrate me with your life.

I guess I don't intoxicate you anymore, my very being doesn't inspire and ignite you like it used to. I suppose I am to blame for that. I don't know what to do to bring that back though. If it's not possible, I think I'll ever be satisfied. I suppose all I have left to do is wait and see.