Small, Beautiful Events

Bete Noir Application

2010-11-12T15:31:46Z

1. Player Information
Name (or internet handle): Ash
Current characters in Bete Noire: N/A

2. Character Information
Name: Fifth Doctor
Livejournal Username: thecricketer
Fandom: Doctor Who
Image: http://l-userpic.livejournal.com/57804618/12179315

3. Character Information II
Age/Appearance: The Doctor is over eight centuries old, but appears to be in his early thirties at most. This body is the youngest he's ever been in. Floppy blond hair and soft blue eyes complete the picture of a rather harmless looking individual. This often irritates him, though he'll admit it can come in handy. He'll usually be wearing his own variation of an Edwardian cricketer's uniform. It consists mainly of red, white and beige, save for the celery on his lapel. Beneath his jumper is a white shirt; holding up his trousers are question mark suspenders. He speaks with an Oxford English accent.
History: The Doctor was born on Gallifrey, a planet with a highly advanced but stagnate, corrupt society. During his first life he stole a TARDIS – a ship that travels through space and time – and with his granddaughter set off to explore the universe. He was tired of the binding rules, the fear of change and most of all the strict policy of non-interference. He wanted to see the universe, to make a difference.

By the time he reaches his fifth life, the Doctor has saved countless lives, liberated or saved various worlds, and generally been a meddler throughout around eight centuries of existence. He's both got himself exiled from and made President of his home planet, but never stays there long. His status changes from criminal to tolerated renegade to begrudged hero, and he ignores it when he can.

This particular regeneration began when the Fourth Doctor fell from a radio tower attempting to save the universe from entropy. The Master – his oldest friend and best enemy – was trying to use said entropy to his advantage, being a reckless megalomaniac, so naturally tossed him off the thing.

Then he attempted to send the newly regenerated, weak, confused Doctor to Event One – the beginning of the universe, the Big Bang - and then trapped him in an artificial world using the Doctor's own companion. Adric had been with him for some time, by then.

This absurdly intricate plan was destroyed when the Doctor realised what was going on and used the Master's tragic puppets against him. Through all this, Nyssa and Tegan did their best to protect him, despite barely knowing him, and he'll never forget that.

Since then, he went on to live as he always had, travelling, saving, discovering, preserving. Sometimes he failed; sometimes he lost people he cared for a great deal. Seeing Adric die – such a young boy, who reminded him so much of himself – took a heavy toll on him. He kept on, but he was never quite as confident, quite as earnest. He'll always feel grief and guilt for Adric, and he's all right with that.

Still, he treasured the wonders he saw, the adventures he had, and the friendships he made. He even befriended his would-be assassin, and Turlough became another companion. It helped him bear Nyssa's farewell, and then Tegan's.

As time went on, he was forced to make harder and harder choices, to see more and more bloodshed. His chosen way of life was wearing him down; the execution of his oldest enemy and friend was almost too much. Turlough left him, that day, to return to a home that might finally accept him again.

Two young, vibrant, determined women renewed his fervour for the wonders of the universe. It became easier to weather the violence and injustice, to bear the memories. Peri and Erimem made him feel like himself again.

He met another, long after she'd left him, only to discover that she was dying, that it was his fault, that she wouldn't let him help her. Tegan had always been stubborn. It was a hard blow, and he's travelling alone for now. His friends, of course, will never know how long he was without them.

Personality: This Doctor is often polite, using tact to his advantage. He can be tetchy, however, even snapping at his closest friends when he's annoyed. In a pinch his subtle, wry sense of humour can turn into sharp sarcasm, often in the face of wilful ignorance or needless cruelty.

He's a very knowledgeable sort, and enjoys going off on tangents about anything he finds interesting, which is quite a long list. He loves to learn more about the universe, and has the mind to retain it all. Sometimes he retreats into the guise of researcher, of spectator, focusing on the wonder of the universe rather than the tragedy.

He tries to remain remote while still being compassionate, so that emotions won't cloud his judgement, though he doesn't always succeed. He's somewhat repressed, never talking about his own doubts or pain, doing what he should rather than what he wants. As a result he doesn't deal well with intimate emotions, keeping his own under control and becoming uncomfortable when faced with those of others. Still, he'll do his level best to be comforting.

Usually he'll take everything in his stride, or seem to, even making glib remarks while he's tortured. This does not endear him to his adversaries, and can at times irritate his allies. The easiest way to make him show anger or distress is to harm someone, particularly a friend. He's been especially protective of his travelling companions since he lost one of them.

He'll always try to talk through a conflict first, and wishes that others would act peacefully and rationally more often. This doesn't mean he isn't willing and able to use violence if necessary; he knows exactly how to incapacitate many beings, and can aim perfectly. He'll become less adverse to it as time goes on, much to his distaste.

He thinks that makes him less; less of a hero, less of a Doctor. He's a bit insecure in general; none of his previous incarnations save the first ever lost a companion. He has a guilt complex a mile wide. He very rarely deals with trauma, preferring to just keep dashing about the universe, losing himself in the life he loves.

Sexual Preferences/Orientation: The Doctor doesn't have much of a libido to speak of; his species is so very long-lived, and sex isn't necessary for procreation. Besides, there are so many things to do with his time, sex doesn't really rate. This doesn't mean he's never attracted in that way, and when he is, it's not limited by much. He'd think 'pansexual' is a fairly fitting term.

Powers: As a Gallifreyan the Doctor's physiology is unique, and often beneficial. He can live for centuries if he's not killed. If he is, he'll regenerate into another body; every cell will transform. In many ways he'll change, and in others – his curiosity, his bravery, his compassion – he will not. He has seven lives left.

He has two hearts, and a respiratory bypass system that allows him to go without air for some time. He has a great deal of stamina and heals quickly.

Every Time Lord has a measure of psychic ability – they can share memories, invade thoughts, bend people to their will – but the Doctor never developed his much. He's only ever used it to call out to other Time Lords and soothe troubled minds.

Reason for playing: I love the Fifth Doctor because there's so very, very much going on under that affable, mild surface. He can be heartbreakingly vulnerable and utterly horrifying, and you might blink and miss both. There's so much that he keeps buried, that he resists or dismisses; righteous rage, bitter regret, weary cynicism, self-loathing despair, desperation for some measure of control. Bete Noir is the perfect place to delve into it all.

Third-Person: The Doctor isn't headed anywhere in particular. He knows where he doesn't want to go; not Australia, not Monte Carlo. Nowhere on Earth, preferably, but he does end up there so very often. Perhaps because of the TARDIS's disguise; perhaps because it was the first place they landed, he and Susan.

Susan…

No. Now isn't the time to wonder. Not when he knows how Tegan's life will end.

The Doctor closes his eyes and refuses to focus on his fingers as they fly across the console – after, of course, he sets course for a different planet. The TARDIS may or may not follow the route he's mapped for her, but it should at least guide her decision.

He knows immediately, when he walks through the doors, that he's in a place he's never been. Excitement crackles through his misery, dispersing it for a few precious moments.

The architecture is that of Earth's, he's certain, but there's something off. He can feel it, at the tip of his mind. It feels a bit like Stockbridge, outside of Time, but not quite. There's something else at play, something that leaves a foul taste in his mouth.

As he surveys the city properly, shutting the door behind him, he sees that it's dirty and dilapidated, worn and jagged.

"Well," he murmurs wryly. "At least it suits my mood."

thecricketer @ 2009-12-21T17:40:00

2009-12-21T22:41:00Z

TEN things you wish you could say to TEN different people right now:

1. You will always be a queen.
2. You can tell me, you know.
3. I didn't want you to go.
4. I miss your shouting.
5. She was right; I needed you.
6. Sometimes I wish I could have stayed.
7. I wish you were still alive just as often as I wish I'd killed you sooner.
8. You were my role model. I'm so sorry.
9. I miss you, just as much as I missed your mother, and hers.
10. I was so very proud of you.

NINE things about yourself:
1. I've saved a lot of lives.
2. I've caused a lot of deaths.
3. I once saved a world with a cricket ball.
4. I once destroyed a world by accident.
5. I enjoy painting model trains.
6. I have, in my right pocket, that very cricket ball, a cartoush from Egypt's eighteenth dynasty, a ball of Alnekian string, several gold pieces, a pack of everlasting matches, and a field gravity detector, by which I mean a yo-yo.
7. My favourite colour today is green.
8. I'm not entirely sure how old I am.
9. I don't really need my glasses.

EIGHT ways to win your heart:
1. Respect my ship.
2. Keep an open mind.
3. Show compassion.
4. Be eager to learn.
5. Nurture a sense of adventure.
6. Remember that I'm older than I look.
7. Criticise my flaws.
8. Understand them.

SEVEN things that cross your mind a lot:
1. My friends.
2. My failures.
3. My future.
4. Problems.
5. Solutions.
6. Possibilities.
7. Inevitabilities.

SIX things you do before you go to bed:
1. Maintenance the TARDIS.
2. Find my room.
3. Organise my room.
4. Contemplate the universe.
5. Read, or paint, or play.
6. Decide I don't need the rest after all.

FIVE people who mean a lot, in no particular order or ranking:
1. My TARDIS
2. Erimem
3. Peri
4. Turlough
5. Tegan

FOUR things you’re wearing right now:
1. A beige frock coat.
2. A stalk of celery.
3. A beige hat.
4. Striped trousers.

THREE songs that fit your life perfectly:
1. "The Wayfarer"
2. Roughly translated, "The Hopes/Dream/Achievements of Omega: Ballad/Tragedy of the First Time Lord"
3. [characters not recognised]

TWO things you want to do before you die:
1. See more.
2. Do more.

ONE confession:
1. I'm sorry.

Five things you might have posted to Twitter had it been invented.

2009-09-22T11:25:10Z

1. Regenerated, not easily. Almost died in Event One. Was trapped in Master's fantasy world; was quite dodgy, now I think about it. Mustn't dwell. Do have lovely friends.

2. Saved Earth with cricket ball; fine moment, that. Adric betrayed me, but changed his mind, so that's all right. Nyssa was brilliant. Must not give Tegan cause to hit me.

3. Visited paradise; too green. Colonialism proved fatal once again. Adric almost got self killed; Tegan got possessed; Nyssa slept in TARDIS. Think she had right idea.

4. May have started Great Fire of London. Reminds me of Rome. Do not think anyone was poisoned, though. Nyssa did destroy a robot. Was saved by Adric; rather embarrassing.

5. Why didn't I leave after the cricket? Didn't even get to dance with Nyssa, who almost died. Blast my curiosity. At least they had fun for a bit. Adric made amusing pirate.

Make a list of people who you should have apologized to.

2009-05-31T12:31:53Z

1. My family. Most of them had either disowned me or died, of course, but I did leave them all. All except Susan, and then I left her too. ...Which isn't to say I wouldn't do it again, in either instance.

2. My friends; those I had left, on Gallifrey. I left them as well, perhaps before ever running away. ...I wonder if he would - no, I don't think it's in him to forgive, anymore.

3. Katarina, Sara. I know it was their choice, I imagine they'd tell me as such, but that doesn't mean...it didn't need to happen.

4. So many, many others who have died fighting by my side. Some I managed to say the words to, others I didn't; some would accept them, others wouldn't.

5. Jamie, Zoe - I gave them the universe and it was ripped away from them and they don't even know.

6. UNIT, perhaps, for some things.

7. Romana. It's no wonder she left, really.

8. Nyssa, for failing to save Traken. Tegan, for taking her from home. Adric, for

This is unutterably depressing, I think I ought to stop.

thecricketer @ 2009-05-27T01:44:00

2009-05-27T05:44:29Z

There is a raging counsellor in the Lady President's office. Well, as much as this one rages, which amounts to wearing a hole in her carpet and muttering fiercely, long pale hands clutched tightly behind him. It's certainly more of a reaction than any other patients have got.

"He is as impertinent as he was as a child, President Flavia, but with age he's slyer with age. I can hardly shout at him when he's so tactful in his insults, so placid and quiet."

"I didn't think counsellors were meant to shout, Paxavel."

He finally comes to a halt in the centre of her abused floor, scowling at her across the desk.

"Some people need to be shouted at, Your Excellency."

President Flavia makes a show of examining her nails, speaking to them rather than the man before her.

"Did that ever work before?"

"It got him to shut his fool mouth for a bit."

"I must say, that hardly sounds rehabilitative."

Paxavel gives a sharp laugh, and it's echoed from behind him. He spins, robes swirling at his feet, to find the very subject of his diatribe smiling wryly at him from the archway.

"I see we agree on that prospect. I've still no idea what our lovely President is playing at, but it's nice to know you're as much in the dark as I."

"You could make it easier on the both of us by cooperating," Paxavel snaps. The Doctor's smile widens.

"If I'm forced to stay here, I may as well enjoy it as much as possible."

"Why must you take so much pleasure in disrupting your home?"

The smile fades from the Doctor's face, the levity from his voice. For once, he looks his age.

"Gallifrey has not been my home for a very long time." His voice softens as he shakes his head. "I don't know if it ever was."

A sharp nod to President Flavia and he's gone, striding the corridors with the speed of one accustomed to running.

"Well. That was enlightening, anyway. More than most of our sessions." Nixavel takes a deep breath before turning back to her; there's a weary, pensive smile on her face - a slight mischievous one, he'd think, if he didn't know better.

"Wasn't it? You'll need to add it to your notes."

On The Couch: Introduction

2009-05-27T05:43:18Z

Yes, I am the Doctor.

No, you may not call me Theta Sigma, I've not used that handle for centuries. The same holds true for my given name, which you well know. You do, in fact, know quite a number of things.

You know I'm a renegade. A traveller. A meddler. You know I've been both condemned and lauded by the High Council, punished and used. You know I don't want to be here in the slightest.

This psychoanalysis isn't for my benefit, and we both know it. It's simply another way to manipulate me, to reign me in, and I don't plan to make it easy for you. I do, in fact, plan to be as difficult as possible until I'm allowed to hop in my TARDIS and go. Again.

Well, then, now we've cleared all that up. How do you do?

thecricketer @ 2009-05-20T04:39:00

2009-05-20T09:39:32Z

Make up a title for a story I didn't write, and I will respond with details of those non-written stories. You may if you like include details, such as pairings or fandom or whatnot.

:D? Please? I might really write them, which would mean I wrote things.

thecricketer @ 2008-11-27T04:58:00

2008-11-27T10:03:57Z

Comm: Bad Company Muses
Prompt: Deprivation
Verse: A Damned Kind

He is in a world with no sky.

Scarlet sunlight barely filters through thick smog, casting shallow light over crumbling buildings and splintered streets.

This city was built from the mountains, and slowly but surely, the ravaged planet takes it back.

It is like this across the world.

It is as it is meant to be.

"You could change it, you know." A murmur in his ear, deceptively soft, his voice cloaked too in his precious velvet. "You could change it all."

He had chosen this planet, blamed the TARDIS for their late arrival as they wandered through grim scene after grim scene; dead-eyed urchins stained with blood, desperate strays gnawing on their own flesh, tiny corpses abandoned in the grime.

Now, they stand away, apart, as they have since returning from paradise; outside of Time.

"All of these forsaken children." A broad term, for a Time Lord. "You saved yours, after all."

Erimem. Adric. Sara. Katarina. (They could have done so much and now they can.)

He could feel time twist near to breaking each time, hear it screeching inside his head, and ignored it so that he could see their smiles again.

This, though, this is an entire planet. (Where the people used to laugh and the smoke used to sing.)

It is dangerous, he says, and he hasn't the right. (Didn't he say that once, and regret it a life later?)

There is always a price. (Who decides if the cost is too high? How does one weigh life against life?)

"Noble Doctor, always sacrificing to the Web of Time. Do you suppose they would understand?"

Of course they wouldn't, and he wants to say that isn't the point, but that isn't true anymore.

He doesn't know if this makes him weaker or stronger.

He sees another child fall and be forgotten (he had wide ocher eyes in a narrow face, with hair the colour of ash and skin the colour of moons, and he spoke in chimes).

He is tired of watching.

The Master smiles.

PIRATES for his_sarah_jane

2008-11-14T14:47:50Z

They have absolutely no idea where they're going, and it's brilliant.

All of it is brilliant. Perhaps not very wise, all told, but that doesn't much matter at the moment. Not when they're laughing and clinging to the console and so very close.

It's easier, with Sarah Jane. Easier to laugh and hug and be. Perhaps it's because he knew her in an easier time; perhaps it's simply because she's Sarah. Perhaps it's both.

It doesn't matter why, because they're landing, and it's time for another adventure.

"Where do you suppose we are?" He's grinning a mad grin, wide and bright and delightfully painful.

thecricketer @ 2008-11-14T00:38:00

2008-11-14T05:38:39Z

The How's My Driving? Meme

Ten Five Times You've Laughed

2008-11-06T17:28:57Z

It is the first time they've stepped on alien soil together, and she is jubilant.

She crouches down, running her tiny hands through azure grass, basking in silver suns, and he watches, leaning against their ship; she is a great, twisting tree with glimmering leaves.

Now she runs a circle around it, dancing to soundless music, lost in wonder.

Then she stops, and takes his hands, eyes and smile vibrant with youthful joy.

She reminds him so very much of her mother. For a moment, he wants both to laugh and cry.

He chuckles, and pulls her into his arms.

It is very easy, now, to forget who he is. To shrug away the burdens, to dismiss the past and embrace the present.

To merely enjoy the universe, despite everything.

They're in a vast meadow, he and his friends, his piper and his prodigy. She is entranced by the lustrous flowers; he is climbing a massive tree covered in crimson vines.

They are both so young, and have so much to see, and he's going to show them everything.

Then Jamie falters, and the Doctor can only soften his raucous fall.

Zoe's laugh, as she runs to them, is infectious.

They're locked in a cell again. The Doctor is pacing, and muttering, and scheming; the companion is fiddling with her hair.

It isn't long before he snaps at her. Jo only smiles, triumphantly holds up a hair pin, and strides towards the door he'd been cursing.

With much aplomb, she picks the lock, and his laugh is one of joyous pride as he embraces her.

His voice is apologetic. "I don't think there's anyone else I'd like to be locked in a cell with."

Her own is indulgent. "Me either, Doctor."

Shots ring out; they entwine their hands and run.

They're discussing Academy.

It's a rare thing; for him the memories are distant and shaded with bitterness, for her they are too close for comfort. She did, after all, shed that life to embrace something new.

It's a precious thing; so few know what he left behind. So few would understand her choice.

They speak of hidden pathways and ancient trees and secret corners. They speak of lost friends and obstinate professors and tedious peers. He tells her of devious tricks and broken traditions; she tells him of every furtive divergence.

They remember. They laugh. They accept.

They are content.

He complains about Earth, until balmy beach air floods the TARDIS.

"You said you wanted something warmer. I'd change out of that uniform, were I you. In fact I think I'll leave my coat here."

"You can do that? I was beginning to suspect it was glued on."

The smirk is customary, but his voice is light and playful, his eyes glinting with amusement and gratitude. He's confident, cheerful, comfortable.

A laugh escapes the Doctor's lips, soft and warm as the gentle breeze.

They've come so very far. It will be nice, for once, to take time to enjoy it.

thecricketer @ 2008-10-30T06:03:00

2008-10-30T10:04:30Z

Comm: Muses With Remotes
Prompt: "There are certain people who are not meant to fit in your life, no matter how much you want them to."
Verse: Troubles the Dark

One upon a time, there were two best enemies.

In his home, chaos rests.

Peri thinks he's insane.

"The Master? The same one who destroyed an entire planet so he could be a real boy again? The same one who held me at gunpoint and dragged me around like a rag doll? The same one who used poor Kamelion up until he died?"

He can't begrudge her that.

Erimem thinks he's irresponsible.

"This man is obviously dangerous. Why are you letting him endanger the entire universe when he ought to be dead?"

He can't disagree.

Peri thinks he should burn, and Erimem need only learn a fraction of what he's done for her to concur.

They will content themselves with being wary, because he has asked, and because they trust him.

Because Peri saw his eyes when it happened the first time. Because Erimem has learned the value of mercy.

The Master cannot hurt them, nor anyone else.

For now. He never does stay trapped forever; it's admirable, in a way.

Physically. He knows exactly what to say; he always has.

The Doctor has risked friends and future and freedom (not only his, that would be easier to bear), twisted Time in knots (he can feel it tugging at his mind).

All to save a proud portent of death itself.

All to save the friend he executed.

He'll never find peace this way.

"Am I to be your absolution, my dear Doctor? You should know better."

This isn't how it's meant to work.

"You're not supposed to heal the monsters, Doctor, did you forget?"

This isn't who he's supposed to be.

"The Oncoming Storm, reduced to a keeper. Shall I call you the Jailor now?"

It doesn't matter.

Once upon a time, there were two best friends.

thecricketer @ 2008-10-16T01:09:00

2008-10-16T05:07:49Z

The problem with LJ: we all think we are so close, but really, we know nothing about each other. So I want you to ask me something you think you should know about me. Something that should be obvious, but you have no idea about.

Trick or Treat?

2008-10-10T02:24:05Z

My LiveJournal Trick-or-Treat Haul
thecricketer goes trick-or-treating, dressed up as Harlequin .
aces_are_rare gives you 14 softly glowing pineapple-flavoured wafers.
alainn_aislinn gives you 2 softly glowing cherry-flavoured pieces of taffy.
capturedworlds tricks you! You get a rock.
changehistory gives you 11 light orange peach-flavoured wafers.
galeforcehero gives you 11 green tropical-flavoured pieces of chewing gum.
his_sarah_jane gives you 1 blue lime-flavoured pieces of bubblegum.
salvagestime gives you 5 light blue tropical-flavoured gummy bats.
sinister_charm tricks you! You get a piece of paper.
tastefulfashion gives you 11 light green peach-flavoured gumdrops.
the_corsair gives you 19 mauve grapefruit-flavoured pieces of chewing gum.
thecricketer ends up with 74 pieces of candy, a rock, and a piece of paper.
Go trick-or-treating! Username:
Another fun meme brought to you by rfreebern.

Just Prompts - Ten Everyday Items

2008-10-04T05:42:58Z

"Is this really necessary?"

"We only want to be safe, Doctor."

"Well, frankly, you seem to be enjoying it a bit too much."

A toothy, devious grin that he's seen a hundred times on a hundred faces, and he's shoved against a wall and patted down. Really, how threatening does he seem? Perhaps he did promise a few people a revolution, but all he wanted to do was negotiate.

Unfortunately he was caught sneaking in, which was very careless of him. Now he's surrounded by guards, having his personal space quite thoroughly invaded, and –

"Be careful with that!" The head guard – large fellow with purple and orange scales, name of Garisch, he hadn't appreciated the Doctor smirking at it – tossed and caught his cricket ball a few times before handing it off.

"Don't worry, you'll get back everything not considered a danger. After you leave, of course."

"Of course," the Doctor mutters, as several more rather essential trinkets are taken – a spool of twine (always handy), a vial of ash (currency on a particularly dank planet), everlasting matches (an old invention of his that he's quite proud of).

"Ah, what do we have here!" Not a question, of course, that's always irritating. "A ray gun!"

"No, that's just my tooth brush."

Proving it is a quite tedious affair, but they manage to move on to his other pocket soon enough. A biodamper (in the form of a ring), opera glasses (with enhanced lenses, of course), a travel dial (to be a gift for a friend, if he can manage it), a tattered business card (John Smith, Scientific Adviser).

"There, now, are you satisfied?" But Garisch is digging deeper, and the Doctor stiffens as he pulls forth an ancient cartouche .

None of the trickster remains as he says, "You will give that back."

The younger man leers at him, nods at his inferiors to hold the Doctor steady as this, too, is handed away.

They're caught off guard when he yanks his arms forward, making them stumble, allowing him to pull away and get a few well-aimed kicks in to keep them off balance. He could never escape this way, but it's enough.

Amidst the chaos, all he does is pluck the cartouche from a stunned guard's hands and slip it into his pocket.

"You can go back to restraining me now, if you wish." A bluff, of course, but such a fun one.

He smiles brightly as they do so, but the hard glint in his eyes keeps any straying hands quite away from his pocket.

Bad Company Muses - Temper

2008-10-02T20:40:58Z

They're in a prison cell, battered and dishevelled. The Doctor is sitting against a cold, rough granite; Turlough is pacing, having just finished an accusatory tirade.

"Are you done? My ears are ringing." The Doctor's voice is naught but mildly annoyed. Turlough stares down at him, sighs, and slumps down besides his friend.

"I was hoping for a nice shouting match to distract us from our imprisonment."

"I think we ought to rest, don't you?"

"Do you ever lose your temper?" Turlough imagines he'll always be a mystery, this man who's unflappable in the face of treachery and assassination. He doesn't really expect an answer.

"Not often. Not anymore." A sad, tired smile, and once again Turlough is reminded just how old the Doctor is. "I've more control than I used to."

"And why is that?" The smile fades, and just for a moment, the Doctor stares into a very different cage.

They've escaped again, just barely, and landing on another world, trembling and exhausted.

Tegan started shouting at him the moment they stilled, and she hasn't stopped.

"You've got your head so far in the clouds you couldn't hear us screaming! Well I've had enough, Doctor. I'm better off on my own."

"Tegan!" She doesn't listen, of course, storming out into a world of goodness knows what. He's half a mind to get a spot of tea and leave her to it.

"Doctor." Right on cue, thank you Nyssa. She's standing near the door, peering outside with calm concern. Always composed, always dignified. Constantly reminding him of what he ought to be.

He sighs, grasping the console and leaning forward – he may as well confirm their position. "Why must she be so difficult?"

"She's a woman, that's why." Adric, shining his precious star – it had been knocked off when Tegan pushed him aside.

"Romana was a woman," the Doctor says curtly, never looking up. That was the crux of the whole tiresome issue, wasn't it? The wound they both shared and both ignored?

Adric flinches, and coolly informs them that he'll be in his room before walking stiffly towards the inner doors. The Doctor lets him go, closing his eyes, hands tightening enough to hurt – him, his ship. One of them deserves it, at least.

He hears soft, measured footsteps, and straightens, staring at Nyssa with a set jaw.

"Come to chide me, Nyssa? Do make it quick, I need to coax a petulant orphan out of his room before he does something rash and find an infuriating young woman before she gets herself killed just to spite me." To his surprise, she only shakes her head.

"I can talk to Adric. You'll be faster on your own." She rests a hand on the console, and the TARDIS welcomes the careful, gentle touch. He relaxes, a little, and nods.

"Yes. Thank you."

She offers a faint, sympathetic smile. "They only anger you so easily because you care so much. I'm certain they'll understand eventually."

"Life is too short for that sort of thing."

thecricketer @ 2008-09-27T13:37:00

2008-09-27T17:38:33Z

Reasons To Hate The Time Lords

A stagnant, overbearing, dull society. I couldn't change it as a youth, and quite frankly I've given up on it.

Smug xenophobia. I can, perhaps, be a bit condescending at times, but at least I don't lord myself over the rest of the universe simply because I'm what I am. ~~Well, I try not to, and if I do I hope someone kicks me.~~

Ruthless politics. Yes, I do know firsthand. There's a reason I turned down the Presidency.

Family.

Having a beautiful world. ~~I miss it sometimes.~~ They don't even see most of it.

Jamie.

Zoe.

Exile. They assassinated me, trapped me, made me despise a world I loved. It became easier, with time, and I'll admit I grew quite fond of UNIT but I left for a reason. ~~I still wish I could have shown Liz the stars.~~

Having me do their dirty work. No, I will not commit retroactive genocide, thank you very much. I don't have the right and neither do you. ~~Sometimes…no.~~

Souring my relationship with Romana. ~~Yes, all right, that was mostly me.~~ I still wonder why they called her back. ~~And if she'll ever return to this universe. If she'll want to see me when she does.~~

Omega.

Borusa. I admired him once, you know. He was the professor I could never fool. Irritating, but rather comforting in its way. ~~I was lonely, sometimes.~~ Gallifrey isn't a good world for role models. See above.

Koschei.

Ushas.

Theta.

Talk about your relationship with your parents.

2008-09-16T14:56:52Z

Gallifrey doesn't have therapists as such. It does, however, contain experts in the Gallifreyan mind, and on occasion they use this expertise to counsel the few denizens in need who will admit it.

Theta Sigma is not one of them. He does, in fact, resist very loudly and persistently the entire way.

"I am not troubled. In fact, I'm probably one of the least troubled people on this planet, which granted isn't saying very much – "

"Insulting us will not – "

"This world is full of apathetic, xenophobic cenophobes who – "

"You're the psychiatrist now, are you?"

"I've an entire list penned out. Allodoxaphobia, atelophobia, cherophobia, eleutherophobia, geliophobia, metathesiophobia – "

"Oh, do shut up."

They've arrived, and the harried professor promptly shoves Theta through the door and locks it behind him. With an indignant scowl, Theta straightens his robes and mutters about rudeness.

"Ooh, it was. I can't imagine what you did to make him so brusque."

His head jerks up, because there's something odd about that voice. Younger than he expected, for one. Far less stuffy.

Oh, no, this man isn't what he expected at all. Full head of dark hair, wide eyes, a distinctly amused curve to his lips.

"Well? Not just going to stare at me, are you? I had a couch brought in, you should use it. Very comfortable, I tried it out."

He turns his head, and sure enough, there's a red couch, matching the arm chair his therapist is seated in.

After a moment, he strides over and sits down. He'd sprawl, but he doesn't think it would annoy this one, so there isn't much point.

"There we are. Now we're both comfortable. Well, not entirely comfortable, I can tell. Relax, won't you?"

"Why should I? They want to kick me out. Again." His own voice almost makes him cringe; bitter, tired, raw.

"Ah. Well. Yes." The words are drawn out, and the strange Time Lord is staring down at his hands – long, thin, rather like Theta's own.

He could start ranting about the parochial injustice of it all, but he knows it won't make much difference. Some of the younger ones he can sway, but this man is ancient. Set in his ways just like the rest of them.

"You shouldn't make your mind up about people so quickly, you know."

His eyes widen, and he frantically searches said mind for some intrusion – but the older Time Lord shakes his head.

"Just guessing. I'm good at this, you know, that's why they picked me. Well, and I was a bit more eager than the rest."

"And why is that?"

"You're interesting! No one can figure you out, you know, even if they think they have. You're very intelligent, but you keep failing classes. You're charming, but you aren't overly popular. You're a rebel, but no one knows why."

"And you're meant to find out."

"In part. The sooner we start, the sooner it will be done with." Theta sighs, and nods, and rests back against the upholstery. It's from Earth, of course, one of his favoured planets at the moment; the man did his research.

"So. Tell me about your parents."

Theta groans.

"Must I?"

Another smile. In fact he hasn't gone without one for very long, and Theta can't tell which are forced and which are sincere, and it's all very unnerving. This one, anyway, looks sympathetic.

"I'm afraid so, yeah."

Another sigh. He's stalling, of course. The impromptu doctor doesn't seem to mind.

"Old family, very traditional, very reserved. They don't approve of me. Hardly shocking, really, I'm a horrible student with dangerous ideas who associates with Shobogans and -"

"And how does that make you feel?" Theta just stares, for a moment, and could swear he sees the hint of a smirk, just for a moment.

"Not very much, to be honest. We were never close." It's the truth, more or less. That distance has been growing for decades.

"And when you were younger?"

"I had better role models."

"Like the Hermit." His eyes narrow, and he straightens, but can't see pass the impassive expression.

"How did you know?"

"I'm supposed to know, Theta. I know K'anpo was more like a father to you than anyone else. I know that when he left, you felt so alone, so very alone, and no one could possibly understand."

"Is that why I'm acting out, then? Is that why I'm so much trouble?" The words are harsh, derisive, but he's staring at his hands.

A quiet chuckle turns his head again. A sad smile captures his gaze.

"You're so much trouble because he taught you to be better than all of this." The man rises, swamped in his extravagant robes. For the first time, Theta realises they don't fit him very well.

"You're meant for so much, Theta Sigma. Don't forget that. Don't stop trying."

"If they expel me – "

"They won't. We had a very enlightening session, revealing a confused, lonely boy who only needed a little guidance." His eyebrows rise. "You will, of course, be a bit more subtle for a while. I know you can do it if you try. Even I can do it."

All Theta can do is stare up at him, into bright, wise eyes that remind him of his own, for no reason he can discern.

At a gesture, he stands, and the man leads him to the door with a hand on his shoulder.

As Theta steps over the threshold, he looks back.

"You never gave me your name." He sounds, he knows, both hopeful and suspicious. He thinks the man will hear both, and that's all right.

"No, I didn't. Here – " The man rummages through his robes, and pulls out a crumpled flower. "Have this instead."

The door closes, and Theta stands there for some time, with a faint smile on his face and a daisy in his hand.

thecricketer @ 2008-08-29T03:44:00

2008-08-29T07:45:17Z

Request any fic of mine and I will provide you with a commentary/annotations, like a DVD extra.

For sinister_charm

2008-08-29T05:31:59Z

The Doctor wanted to relax.

Usually he found such things rather boring, but even he could admit it was sometimes essential; after, perhaps, an emotional upheaval, and a battle with rabid fluffy toys. Funny; usually such an adventure would help put such things out of his mind, but it didn't work.

Perhaps this would.

The Eye of Orion may have been a predictable choice, he supposed, even dull, but there was no need for the TARDIS to be so stubborn about it.

"Now, really – " He stumbled, banging his shin against the console as his ship roared in his mind; since when did she hate...

...No.

No, she wanted to go somewhere else, somewhere specific.

Slowly, he straightened, holding tightly to the edge, and listened. He'd been so closed off, so rigid, that he never felt her own desperation. He didn't know the cause, but he knew that emotion so very well.

So very, very well.

Softly, "All right, old girl. Take me where you like."

Soon enough, they materialised on a scorched, barren world that made his mind shiver.

Well, he can't go back now.

thecricketer @ 2008-08-24T20:12:00

2008-08-25T00:13:54Z

Comment here to find out what the Doctor really thinks of your character. The truth, I mean, not just what he'd tell you, and not just what he thinks he thinks.

On The Couch: Thirteen

2008-08-18T02:26:15Z

"Do we really need to do this?"

"I know you tried your very best to be late, Doctor, but we still have half an hour left."

"I wasn't trying, people really did need my help – "

"It took you an hour to reprogram a space shuttle?"

"It was very complex."

"You took a tea break."

"They needed a bit of comfort. How would you feel, crashing on a strange world, stranded and confused, ship damaged, friends injured or worse – "

"Did you need to make all the tea yourself?"

"I wanted it to be the very best."

"Very gracious of you. Did you slip in calming -"

"Herbs, they were only herbs, and only for the more anxious ones."

"You took some of them with you. Offered to let them take your place."

"You did say I was gracious."

"Right, right. Now, something simple, I think…what is your favourite number?"

"…Really?"

"I could choose something more intimate – "

"No, no, that's all right. Hmm. Thirteen."

"And why is that? Isn't it considered unlucky in many cultures?"

"One reason I like it so much."

"Naturally."

"Besides, it's a very versatile little number. It's a star number, a Fibonacci number, four sorts of prime. It can symbolise mystery, maturity, epiphany – "

"Which you tend to equate…"

"And that's only on Earth."

"And you own planet?"

"It symbolises mystery there as well."

"And why is that?"

"No one is quite certain of what happens after."

"You're being cagey, Doctor."

"I wouldn't be me, otherwise."

"You may be the worst patient I've ever had, did you know that?"

"I suspected. Remind me to refer you to the Master."

"Why is that?"

"Well, aside from breaking my record…he broke thirteen."

thecricketer @ 2008-08-06T09:41:00

2008-08-06T13:41:30Z

You are The Star

Hope, expectation, Bright promises.

The Star is one of the great cards of faith, dreams realised

The Star is a card that looks to the future. It does not predict any immediate or powerful change, but it does predict hope and healing. This card suggests clarity of vision, spiritual insight. And, most importantly, that unexpected help will be coming, with water to quench your thirst, with a guiding light to the future. They might say you're a dreamer, but you're not the only one.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

OOC - The Doctor's Sexuality

2008-08-05T21:38:50Z

I very much recommend you read this essay on the Master's sexuality. And then this one.

My take on Time Lords and sex is a bit different.

It's not very important, but it does exist, and is one way to procreate, if not the most popular. (Yes, I will gladly take Looms without that stupid fertility curse attached.)

It is, like most things on Gallifrey, a ceremonial event. It's about connecting on a mental level as well and physical. It's a rare expression of private intimacy, of veiled sensuality, of life itself. There are, of course, different rituals for different kinds of sex, different emotions and motivations.

It's tedious, is the thing. There's nothing spontaneous about it.

If the Doctor ever did have sex on Gallifrey, he certainly didn't do it the proper way. It was in part to flaunt the conventions, to be his own person; it being fun was just a bonus.

So Gallifreyans do have sex drives, and they do on occasion indulge them. They are not as powerful as a human's, and are more easily controlled. (Because they don't have to be, and Gallifreyans have more control over their bodies.)

This makes it a bit easier for the Doctor not to indulge in it, and by and large, I don't think he does. (There's a reason that, for 'sexuality', I often put 'flexible, often ignored'.)

For one thing, it just isn't a priority. He has other things to do – wonders to see, worlds to save, people to change.

For another, the people he's with most often are companions, and he knows it will usually complicate things, and he doesn't want to deal with that. (See this prompt for my take on it, if you'd like.)

So he's not usually thinking about it, and when he does, he often tries to stop.

When it comes to the Fifth Doctor, I tend to think he never had sex in canon, though he fell for certain people. I think he may be the least likely to, because he is, in short, a repressed martyr with a guilt complex.

This Doctor doesn't deal well with intimacy; he doesn't even embrace his friends very often. There's nothing wrong with sex, provided it's consensual, but he'd rather not hear about it, thank you.

If someone makes sexual advances, he will probably be flustered and confused; he doesn't expect people to be attracted to him. Sometimes he'll try to talk it out; sometimes he'll pretend to be oblivious; sometimes he really will be.

I don't think this means he could never get to that point – obviously, as I've written it a number of times.

Let's take a look, shall we?

Open Verse

Sarah Jane
Sarah was and is very good at tearing down his many barriers. Part of this is because he knew her as Four, who wasn't so closed and insecure. Part of this is because she is, quite simply, Sarah Jane.

She made certain he knew that yes, she wants this, no, she won't regret it, and would you please stop treating me like a child before I hit you on the head.

She was confident and direct, understanding and compassionate, a reminder of an easier life, a dear friend.

Nyssa
Five fell slowly but surely in love with Nyssa. He never said anything, and neither did she, because they're both careful and proper and reserved.

When they met again, they were both older, she more confident and he more open; slowly but surely, they grew comfortable with their own emotions, and eventually they became intimate.

His interest in Nyssa was always more…cerebral, emotional, than sexual, but he always thought her beautiful, and he cherished the intimacy they shared.

Turlough
~~Turlough insisted on wearing a tight schoolboy's uniform, how fair is that?~~

Ahem. The Doctor connected with Turlough, as a fellow exile, a stranger in a strange world, a bright, antagonistic rebel. It was easy to forgive him, to guide him towards something better, to be his friend.

As for something else, well, beyond lingering glances and a lack of personal space, he never acted on his attraction.

Then Turlough returned to him as well, and they went a bit further, because the rules had changed, and he was tired of resisting everything around him.

The Poet and the Muse

Aislinn
The Doctor didn’t want to fall for her, as at the time she was involved with his future self. He did anyway, despite himself, because she's brave and beautiful and vulnerable, trying to find herself just as he did as a young man, struggling with a difficult, confusing world.

He wanted to show her that she, herself, was amazing, that she could be loved completely with no strings attached, that he would care for her no matter her nature, no matter what was in her past.

Eventually, in one universe, she chose him. Aislinn is a very sensual, tactile person; she had him embracing her even as they became friends, and it was easy for him to move forward.

Byron
He didn't plan on falling for Byron, either; it took him quite by surprise. It shouldn't have, really; he admired the poet before ever meeting him, and when he did, the man was captivating.

Far from perfect, of course, and the Doctor let him know it – but also that he was extraordinary, that potential never fades, that he's more than his legend.

One day, the Doctor sealed it with a kiss – awkward, tentative, but passionate. Eventually, he would become comfortable in his own sexuality.

Aislinn and Byron, of course, already had a complicated relationship; the Doctor wanted them both to feel equal, cherished, loved. By him, and by each other. It will never be perfect, because nothing is perfect, but that's all right.

It felt only natural to accept a proposal.

Oncoming Storms
Ushas

The Rani, of course, was very different from the girl he knew at Academy, but the Doctor didn't care; he refused to let another friend slip through his grasp, become an enemy instead. He had burned Koschei alive – he wouldn't deny Ushas.

She was just as brilliant as before, just as daring, and he enjoyed their banter as much as ever. They understood each other in ways no one else did, even if they failed to in others.

They were both strong and vulnerable in turns, and began to lean on each other, breaking their own rules.

Certainly he could have broken that one, as well.

Paradisa
Lucy

This is, by and large, not a sexual relationship; she is his companion, and he does not have sex with companions.

However, during a loss that banished his restraint, his suppression, the control that kept him sane, she kissed him, and he let her. Their clothes never came off, but pleasure was certainly had.

He blames himself for letting it happen, because it did in fact complicate things. Lucy is certainly beautiful, desirable, but she was always a friend first and foremost, and he wanted it to stay that way. He had no experience with romantic relationships, and he didn't want to her hurt her. Since then, he's tried his best to keep it platonic.

Later that night, of course...

The Master
The Master has always been a point of contradiction for the Doctor. They started out as best friends, and never entirely lose that, even once Four regenerates. Five never could, after all, bring himself to directly kill the man until Planet of Fire, and seemed to enjoy bantering with him. (Susan, in The Five Doctors, mentioned that they looked like friends. Well, up until the Doctor nicked the Master's recall device and left him to the Cybermen. Moving on.)

It was, in part, that murder that spurred on his relationship with the Master in Paradisa.. The guilt ate at him until he died; the Master's voice was the last he heard before regenerating.

The Doctor felt responsible for him, as his friend and enemy and killer.

Both had died horribly; both needed something to ground them. Something distracting, something powerful, something familiar.

Slowly, the Master began to heal, and the Doctor began to accept living instead of dying.

Of course, when the Doctor lost his inhibitions, the Master was going to take advantage, to manipulate the situation in his favour.

He made the Doctor furious, made the Doctor passionate, and then turned that passion to something else. (In part, perhaps, so he wouldn't get backhanded again.)

Since then, they've been in a...not quite romantic relationship. They do love each other, but they also hate each other, and hurt each other, and use each other. Sex is just one more part of that, an expression of and an opening for it.

So, in short? The Doctor isn't usually interested, but he certainly can be, given the right person and the right time.

Warning: it got long. 1,463 words long.

Muse Pens Application

2008-08-04T11:07:08Z

Evil League of Evil

To Whom It May Concern:

I received your letter rather late, I'm afraid, though I must say I'm not inclined to be very helpful. Evil is one thing, but melodramatic evil? I've had quite enough of that, thank you.

This of course brings us to the subject at hand.

I'm very flattered that the Master used me as a reference, but he just cannot expect me to lie. Perhaps he thinks I'll warn you that he'll attempt to take over, subjugate the lot of you. It would be a point in his favour, I'm sure.

No, you see, the truth is, he's merely a showman. He likes the flare, the drama, but in truth he couldn't hurt a fly. He loves kittens and puppies and various other fluffy creatures (though he does rather hate horses). He's a thoughtful, lonely little boy beneath it all; he's far more likely to write poetry than conquer a galaxy.

I've been his chief nemesis for centuries and he hasn't killed me yet. What does that say, do you suppose? Whether it's incompetence or compassion, it's hardly fitting. (I would post the latter, if it matters; he's quite intelligent, but far from devious, and he's been carrying a torch for ages.)

Sincerely,

The Doctor

P.S: He can't sing, either.

Five People I Shouldn't Fancy But Do:

1: Nyssa. She was so young when we first met, and aged so quickly. It was easy to grow close to her, especially when we were left alone; she was always a calming presence, tranquil and graceful. She was more like me than anyone else. Of course I fell for her. Of course I never told her.

2: Turlough. He likes to think he isn't young, but he is. Emotionally stunted, it's easy to see. Vulnerable, beneath the sardonic apathy he likes to affect. It would be wrong to take advantage, because no matter my motives that is what it would be. It doesn't matter how clever or brave or intriguing he is, that he too is an exile. So I never did, and then he left. I shook his hand.

3: Illeana. She was bound to the Earth, I was bound to the sky. She had a family, responsibility, ties that she wouldn't sever cavalierly. Yet she was so brave, and strong, and perceptive, and we had both lived long lives fraught with extraordinary, dangerous things…

4: The Master. I won't deny it; not at the moment, anyway. He was my best friend, once, and I fancied him then to, but neither of us was particularly good at that sort of thing. Then I left, and he changed, and I ought to be glad I killed him, but instead I feel hollow. That's hardly fair, is it? Why should I love someone who has caused so much pain? I hate him as well, why can't that be all?

5: Myself. Well, my future self. Eleventh to be exact. Is that narcissistic? Probably. Well, she's quite fun, you see, and brilliant obviously, and such a fascinating contradiction, and...I'll stop attempting to justify it now.

A Link