gotta love a rainbow

thatrainbow — Sat, 07 Jun 2014 23:15:18 GMT

If y'all are still around, I'm gonna try actually remembering to update now and then over at actuallyclintbarton.

Sooooo follow me if you're still around and want an update? and my random thoughts? I guess?

thatrainbow — Thu, 17 Apr 2014 11:00:26 GMT

Hey guys, anybody still here?

If I started using this again, would anyone be interested into following me off this username that I picked on a whim and am not really attached to?

Edit: It occurs to me that I might have a problem with not recognizing who the fuck is responding to this post unless they have the same url everywhere WELP. XD

Saturdaystuck

thatrainbow — Mon, 04 Jun 2012 10:56:14 GMT

So. A little while ago I started this thing with some of the On a Saturday Angel Roadtrip kids crossed over with Homestuck, to cheer Aubrey up. She had a rough night, so I thought I'd finish it.

I am rather proud, even though it's shit. XD

-- archAngelet [AA] began pestering offline chum cityAngel [CA] --

AA: nate
AA: nate get the fuck online
AA: seriously
AA: ...
AA: nate i am going to fucking murder you
AA: NATE!
AA: jesus mary and joseph
AA: i swear to god you are the worst sister
AA: fuck you

-- cityAngel [CA] has signed on! --

AA: thank fucking god and all the motherfucking saints
CA: ...Really, Tay?
AA: shut the fuck up, where have you been?
CA: I'm pretty sure that most of the saints weren't fucking their mothers.
AA: NATE!
CA: Where's the fire?
AA: your boyfriend is a douchebag and i would like to murder him
AA: unfortunately i kind of cant so i was hoping you would
AA: or maybe just shoot me instead
CA: You are melodramatic and kind of a bitch.
CA: You know we broke up months ago.
AA: i don't fucking care he is an asshole
AA: you can kick his ass if you want
AA: i give you permission
CA: You are a very violent person.
AA: yah like this is news
AA: i sleep with a knife under my pillow
AA: and that's not an expression or anything
CA: No, I wouldn't suppose it is, with you.
AA: nate come on please
CA: Fine, what did he do?
AA: hes trying to make me play this stupid game or something
AA: dont know dont care
AA: hes trying to blackmail me
AA: so tell him to fuck off
CA: You drive a hard bargain.
CA: I think I'll go with "no thanks, he's a jerk."
AA: i could seriously punch you in the face right now
AA: but your shadows a bit too much of a puppy
AA: and also hed be a pain in the ass about it
CA: Are you going to leave me alone or are you just going to keep bitching me out for not wanting to talk to my ex-boyfriend that I'm forced to continue associating with because of you?
AA: ill ask mat hes not an asshole
CA: Hey, Pot, nice to meet you.
AA: fuck you too

-- archAngelet [AA] ceased pestering cityAngel [CA] --

-- archAngelet [AA] began pestering cheerfulChampion [CC] --

AA: mat i need a favor
CC: um, i'm not really sure that's a good idea
AA: why not?
CC: because every time i do you a favor, i end up regretting it.
CC: no offense, you're cool and you're nate's sister, but...
AA: ugh you are so hopeless
AA: i just wanted you to tell nates asshole exboyfriend to stop trying to blackmail me into playing his stupid video game or whatever
AA: not exactly going to end in broken bones
CC: uh, have you MET him?
AA: you are such a fucking pussy
CC: anyway, do you mean that sburb game thing he dug up? i think it sounds cool.
AA: oh my god
CC: what? i mean, it's unique if nothing else. and maybe he and nate will stop being so awkward around each other if we play.
AA: you are such a freak.

-- archAngelet [AA] ceased pestering cheerfulChampion [CC] --

CC: yeah well, so are you. :|

-- archAngelet [AA] began pestering assholeCharmer [AC] --

AA: so apparently i have no friends
AC: Is that so
AA: nate doesnt give a rats ass that youre blackmailing her sister
AA: and mats a pussyboy
AC: Is that even news
AA: not really
AA: but i was hoping maybe hed jump at the opportunity to do something completely without risk
AC: No such luck clearly
AA: fuck you jack
AC: Why Ms Barnam so forward
AC: Youll have to buy me a drink first
AA: you are such a dick
AA: i hate you
AA: i hate everything about you
AC: Yes which is why I have proof that you attacked my lips with yours in a rather sensual way
AA: stupid mistake
AA: wont happen again
AA: and dont you dare tell anyone
AC: Are you going to play my game?
AA: if you can convince nate then i guess i dont really have a choice
AA: but i dont think you can manage it
AC: Oh I think youd be surprised what I can still manage with your sister
AA: ugh shut the fuck up
AC: When it gets you so worked up
AC: Not a chance
AA: yeah well until she tells me herself that shes playing im going to call bullshit on your plans
AC: Just wait and see sugar
AC: Just wait and see

-- assholeCharmer [AC] ceased pestering archAngelet [AA] --

-- assholeCharmer [AC] began pestering cheerfulChampion [CC] --

AC: Matthew
AC: I hear that youre apparently a "pussyboy"
CC: tay talked to you, huh?
CC: i really wish that she wouldn't call me that. :/
AC: Well its kind of true you have to admit
CC: jack. :(
AC: No worries man
AC: I will not judge you for being a pussyboy
CC: oh joyous day.
AC: Anyway I want to get going on this game soon
AC: I know it will be awkward with me and Nate playing together
AC: Do you think you can talk her into it
CC: i don't know, maybe...
AC: Great
AC: Just let me know when shes set
AC: And ask her to let Tay know
AC: Thanks man

-- assholeCharmer [AC] ceased pestering cheerfulChampion [CC] --

CC: i really wish you wouldn't do that.

-- cheerfulChampion [CC] began pestering cityAngel [CA] --

CC: hey, nate!
CA: Mat. Does this have anything to do with Tay pitching a hissy fit at me over my ex-boyfriend blackmailing her?
CC: well... maybe a little.
CA: Joy.
CC: seriously, though, we're all set up to play, but we need a fourth.
CC: will you play with us?
CA: Shit, Mat, I don't really want to deal with him if I don't have to.
CC: no, i know, but you don't really have to deal with him much if you don't want to.
CC: please?
CA: ...Are you going to come give me puppy eyes if I say no?
CC: well, i wasn't planning on it, but that's a good plan! :)
CA: Shit.
CA: Fine, I'll play your stupid game.
CC: thank yooooou!
CC: let tay know we're getting started, ok?
CA: Sure.

-- cheerfulChampion [CC] ceased pestering cityAngel [CA] --

-- cheerfulChampion [CC] began pestering assholeCharmer [AC] --

CC: nate's in!
AC: Excellent

-- cityAngel [CA] began pestering archAngelet [AA] --

CA: Hey, we're getting started on Jack's game or whatever.
AA: fuuuuuuuuuuck

Muselist

thatrainbow — Mon, 21 May 2012 00:35:15 GMT

</tr>

MUSELIST
in games
⇉ Azari ( NEXT AVENGERS ) The son of the deceased monarchs of Wakanda, Black Panther and Storm, Azari is a cat-like lighting generator. And also very responsible. He basically plays den mother to his siblings (all of them orphans of the Ultron war, raised by Tony Stark) and tries his best to be the kind of young man his parents would be proud of. played at ataraxion.	⇉ Anya Sofia Corazon ( MARVEL (616) ) One day, Anya Corazon stumbled on a confrontation between two age-old organizations and ended up with a knife in her gut when she tried to intervene. She was saved, but only by becoming Spider Corp's hunter, and basically a superhero. Time passed, she left Spider Corp and eventually lost her powers, but her heroing instincts couldn't be put away. She eventually teamed up with Nomad, who became her best friend Rikki Barnes. Oh, and her girlfriend. There's that, too. played at a facility.	⇉ Toby Daye ( THE OCTOBER DAYE SERIES ) A cranky, coffee-addicted changeling detective, Toby is a walking cliche and trouble magnet. Still, under her rough exterior is a good woman, a good mother (though she's had that stolen from her), and a brave and oft-selfless knight. She really needs to get over her hero complex, though. Amnesiac due to game reasons, goes by the name "Lucky". played at aather.
⇉ Roxy Lalonde ( HOMESTUCK ) Roxy is a nice girl, if a drunk. Really, though, with her life, who can blame her for wanting to experience the world through an alcohol-induced haze? Despite her proclivity for vodka martinis, she is a pretty sharp cookie, and a bit of a scientist to boot. She carries a torch for her best friend Jane, that has been blissfully reciprocated. played at marina nova with the same journal name.	⇉ Stevie Rogers ( MARVEL (MCU) ) AU The Super Soldier that was a figure of national pride during World War II, Stephanie Rogers became Captain America against every odd placed against her. When she woke from her 70 year sleep, she found herself in a world she barely recognized. Thank goodness for the Avengers, or she'd have little to do but think about everything she lost - including her place in the world. played at beyond the rift.
homeless
⇉ Tuesday ( A VERY DIFFERENT SORT ) OC Tuesday is a bit rough around the edges, tends towards cynical and pessimistic, and isn't quite human anymore. She gave up her humanity (and her name), but she won't tell you what for. She reluctantly swears fealty to the Fox Witch, and she's a fair shot with a shotgun.	⇉ Jaz Tyler ( DOCTOR WHO ) OC Jaz is the half-human daughter of a wayward Gallifreyan and his chavvy companion. She's got a vortex manipulator she built with her step-dad, a sonic she built herself, and a mobile that she can't get to call home anymore. Oh, and she likes trouble just as much as her dad always has.	⇉ Molly Carpenter ( THE DRESDEN FILES ) Stubborn, opinionated, magically talented, and built like the proverbial brick house, Molly is a force to be reckoned with - though less so than her mother. She's got lots of tattoos, lots of piercings, and ridiculously-dyed hair, and if you want a veil cast, she's your girl.
⇉ Ella Blake ( FRINGE ) Ella is sharp and sassy, for a kid her age. Her Aunt Olivia is the coolest person in the world, though Storm from X-men comes close. She loves superheroes and ponies, and likes hanging out with Uncle Walter, even when he's weird - he likes to play games, and she's taught him how to tell good stories. Also she doesn't take things from strangers, especially at the Bridge.	⇉ Henrietta "Etta" Bishop ( FRINGE ) Etta is a very capable, well-trained young woman. She's a pretty damn good liar, and she's relatively fearless when it comes to accomplishing her goals or protecting people. She has to keep up a tough front for work, but she's got a sweet side saved for her friends and family.	⇉ John Egbert ( HOMESTUCK ) AU John is 13 and a true dork. He likes magic tricks, playing pranks, and watching movies of dubious quality. He's a loyal friend, though he can be kind of a douchebag sometimes, usually because he has no brain-to-mouth filter to speak of. Also, he is Not A Homosexual. various AUs played
⇉ Astrid Farnsworth ( FRINGE ) On the higher-functional end of the autism spectrum, Astrid is a skilled data analyst, and can process information presented in record time. Though she isn't particularly skilled socially, she loves what friends she makes fiercely. Also coffee.	⇉ Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III ( HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON ) A viking who kind of fails at being a viking but wins at being a smart, caring kid. Also he was the first viking to realize that dragons aren't evil. And he was the first to ride one. He and Toothless are like this. Very tight. He's awkward and kind of affection-and-acknowledgement starved, but he's a good kid all around.	⇉ Marina Hawke ( DRAGON AGE 2 ) OC Marina Hawke, a rogue with a penchant for arrows and snark, is the Champion of Kirkwall! Or will be. Depends on when you get her from. She's snarky and saucy, but if you push her too hard she can turn sharp and violent as anything. She has good intentions most of the time, though. She loves her little brother dearly, and her strange, mostly-adopted family here in Kirkwall, though she'll always consider herself Ferelden at heart. And, well, she's not overly known for her tact...
⇉ Billy Kaplan "Wiccan" ( MARVEL (616) ) Billy Kaplan, sort-of son to the Scarlet Witch, brother to Tommy Shepherd, boyfriend to the most amazing and best boyfriend in the whole multiverse (Teddy Altman). He used to be a Young Avenger, and technically he's got a spot as an Avenger now if he wants it... it's just that he really doesn't, at the moment.	⇉ Kanaya Maryam ( HOMESTUCK ) Kanaya likes to think of herself as a genteel, well-spoken young troll. And in general, she is. She chooses her words carefully, though she tends to use quite a lot of them, and busies herself with gardening and fashion design when she's not fighting off the undead hordes or chatting with her friends. She likes to give relationship advice but she's honestly not very good at it. She has a soft spot for two horrible-for-her things: melodramatic rainbow drinker novels, and Vriska Sekret.	⇉ Veralidaine Sarrasri ( THE IMMORTALS QUARTET ) An orphan and a wild mage, Daine is a sweet, stubborn, common-sensical young woman. Though she's always had a way with animals, the past few years has seen her skills grow by leaps and bounds under her teacher Numair's guidance. Daine can speak to animals with only her mind, compell them to obey her (though she doesn't usually), and even shapeshift to take the form of any mammal or bird she can picture herself as.
⇉ Rose Marshall ( SPARROW HILL ROAD ) You know that legend of the hitchhiking ghost who borrows your coat? Rose is one of them. Run off the road and killed in the 1940s when she was sweet sixteen, Rose has spent the last few decades just riding the roads, and playing Psychopomp when she's called to. The ghost roads are full of all manner of folks, but it's pretty safe as long as you belong there and don't go too deep into the twilight. But steer clear of Bobby Cross if you value your soul.	⇉ Verity Price ( INCRYPTID ) There are all sorts of supernatural creatures in the world - they're called Cryptids, and the Price family studies and protects them. Very is the oldest daughter of the most recent generation of Prices, and she's left the family home to settle in Manhattan, where she can study and protect and also pursue her dream of being a professional ballroom dancer - all while working as a waitress in a strip club where she's the only human employee.	⇉ Clint "Hawkeye" Barton ( MARVEL (MCU) ) The world's best marksman, and an agent of SHIELD, Clint is kind of a badass. He's also kind of a huge dork, and more than a little ridiculous. His best friend/lover/partner is Russian and thinks he's crazy, but they trust each other more than anyone else in the world.
⇉ Pepper Potts ( MARVEL (MCU) ) Pepper has been Tony Stark's personal assistant for years now, and there's really no one else in the world who can do it. She's been his girlfriend for less time than that, but she seems to be taking to it well so far. Pepper is a friendly person, but she has a bit of a vicious streak when it comes to people who hurt her loved ones or try to step into her "territory", so to speak.	⇉ Ramona Darby ( MARVEL ) OC - inspired by Rainbow Dash from My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic Ramona is a loud, brash, kind of obnoxious baby!superhero who is not entirely thrilled with the "not allowed in the field" position SHIELD has her occupying at the moment. She has naturally color-changing technicolor hair and likes to fly around and cause trouble - or, y'know, do her job. Or she would. If they'd let her go in the field.	⇉ Buffy Meissonier ( NEWSFLESH ) Buffy is not your average 22-year-old. She fits the spacey, bubbly blonde cliche to a T, and writes truly ridiculous romance serials that she posts on her blog (and gets great ad and merch revenue from). But her true love is programming, hacking, and building tiny hidden cameras and microphones. And she's damn good at it.
⇉ Shaun Mason ( NEWSFLESH ) Shaun is the sort who dives into danger well-armed, well-trained, and without blinking. Well, as long as said danger is getting caught on camera and he can get ratings out of it. He is in love with his sister (by adoption, so it's totally fine, come fucking on), though he won't say it in as many words to just anyone, and sometimes (depending on his canon point) he is kind of crazy and hears his dead sister's voice in his head. But he's FUNCTIONALLY crazy, so it's okay, right?	⇉ Veronica Mars ( VERONICA MARS ) Sassy, blonde, and bangin', Miss Veronica Mars is a handful any way you cut it. ESPECIALLY when you realize that her dad's a private detective and she's learned more than a few tricks from him - enough to have her own sort of Nancy Drew-for-hire thing going on. Also, unless your name is Logan Echolls, the likelihood of you lasting over-long as a boyfriend are kind of low. Even if she's not speaking to Logan at the moment. Sorry.
( code by whambam )

thatrainbow — Fri, 20 Apr 2012 05:26:16 GMT

I have just finished reading Sam Starbuck's first (published) original novel, Nameless. I can see some hints of the origins as the unwritten Ellis Graveworthy novel Animagus Winter, but it's no weaker for it - stronger, really, in some ways, I feel. Why I feel that way, I can't really say, but to say it is right that it should have those origins.

It's a bittersweet ending, in some ways - these two men who love each other very dearly, one who belongs in the small town of Low Ferry, and one who belongs in the bustle of Chicago. It's only a train ride away, though, and Christopher enjoys riding the train. They're both whole in ways they weren't when the story began, they love each other, and while they aren't counting on a happy ending, they have a happy moment, and that's enough for now. And it's really a good ending. It is, and I've read similar endings that left me slightly wistful but ultimately content.

Such is not the case with Nameless, and I'm at a bit of a loss to explain why. It's a beautifully told story, with enough of the mysticism of the world that seems so distant in the city to really catch my interest, and there's no reason, looking at the character arcs, why I should feel like this.

Except I do. I feel... lost. And a distinct sense of loss. It's strange, because there's no reason to feel any loss - no one lost anything permanently in Nameless, they gained acceptance (from themselves and the people around them), they gained understanding, they gained family. And yet I'm sitting here with this ache in my chest, fighting the urge to cry, because I have lost something very dear to me, and I don't know what it is. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I've lost something, I just can't for the life of me figure out what or when or how. Only that this book either highlighted the loss to my subconscious somehow. Or perhaps part of me thought that this book would have the answer to finding whatever it was, and in the end it didn't. And I'd gladly deal with the emotional fallout from reading this, if only I understood it.

So here I am, stuck at work, fighting tears, because I've lost something that I can't identify, and Nameless was unable to tell me where or how to find it again, or give me any hope of finding it again. Why would I even assume that it could?

But it would seem that I did. Whatever the less-vocal part of my brain thinks I've lost or am missing, it thought that Nameless would have an answer for me. It didn't. It doesn't really have any answers when you get right down to it - it's about the fact that sometimes there are no answers, and knowing yourself, and it is not exactly a comforting book, per se. That's not to say that I won't come back to it, or don't love it - the first is likely true, and the second definitely so. But it doesn't hold any comfort for me.

There is some sort of journey I need to go on - spiritually speaking, anyway - and I feel like my heart is trying to tell me to go, go now, but I don't know how or where or why. Maybe once I've figured those things out, and come back from whatever journey this is, Nameless will be a comfort. Maybe there's too much of Lucas-without-his-mask in me, searching for a way to fit in the world, a way to find where he fits in a world that doesn't seem to be made to accomodate people like him anymore. I haven't found my mask, I haven't found the transformation that will make me whole and bring me home, and until I do, this book is nothing but a taunt of what I want but can't have. I don't know, I'm mostly just rambling at this point. I don't know how much of this, if anything, is what's actually going on in my head and my heart.

All I know is that I finished reading Nameless, and it was not enough.

> Mat: Ramble about trans* stuff for a while.

thatrainbow — Wed, 28 Dec 2011 13:06:50 GMT

Okay, easily done.

First off, it's kind of weird how, once I HAVE a binder, my desire to wear it becomes much less urgent. It's just there, waiting for the days where I want to have less boobage, and that in and of itself is a comfort.

For those who know Homestuck, I have found myself in unexpected possession of a moirail. Albeit one who has less need of keeping me from committing violence than a traditional Troll moirail, but I'd think that's a cultural difference that holds pretty true as far as humans go. (For those who don't know Homestuck, a moirail is a sort of platonic soulmate, who helps keep you balanced and who you help keep balanced in return. It's... hard to explain, I just know what we mean when we say it, so... bluh, words.)

Her name is Kari, and she, too, is trans*.

We've bonded a lot, and it probably doesn't hurt that she plays a Dave to my John in Sing (even if she's nothing like Dave and I'm hilariously like John), and basically she rocks my socks off. She calms me down when I'm freaking like none other, and she'd smell like sand on the beach if my moirail had a scent.

She came out to her mum tonight. And it went famously, apparently. Probably won't go as well with her dad, but she's got one parent on her side and that is a powerful strong thing. I have to admit, I'm as jealous as I can be while still being overwhelmingly happy for her. I'd love to be able to tell one or both of my parents and have them support me, but...

Well.

It'll just have to wait until we can manage on our own. I... am somewhat okay with that. Not overly pleased, but okay.

And in the meantime, I have my lovely wife, beautiful girlfriend, carnival kid, and moirail to keep me sane in the myriad of ways that are unique to each of them.

I am the luckiest guy around, for sure.

> Mat: Remember that you have a blog.

thatrainbow — Fri, 23 Dec 2011 02:03:09 GMT

Uh. So yeah. >_>

I have this.

Brief rundown of my life at the moment!

I have a binder now! Which I do not wear every day because I'm still getting used to it and shit, but man, it's so nice. Of course, the day I was feeling nice and guyish at work earlier in the week, I was getting ma'am-d more than I do on a normal day. WTF. On the bright side, I got some awesome guys' clothes from Goodwill, and actually used the guys' restrooms THREE TIMES IN TWO AIRPORTS on Sunday, and only had one guy give me any trouble.

Him: Uh, Miss, this is the men's room?
Me: Yeah, YOU try wearing a fucking binder on an airplane sometime, dude. *goes in anyway*

And that was it.
Unfortunately, even with a little effort, I don't appear to be able to pass. *sigh* I guess I kind of expected this, but still. It sucks. But I will persevere because even without passing, it feels so much better. But seriously, guys. I'm a sexy bastard.
Went to visit the parentals for a few days. Got to hang with Charley (my Carnival Kid) and Morgan all Saturday afternoon. Went to dinner with the ex-boyfriend on Thursday night (and spent all night flirting back and forth oh god). Oh and Friday we went to the beach and I swam in the gulf even though it was like 60 degrees and freezing and you guys I love the ocean. Happy plaaace. I even didn't feel too weird in a girly swimsuit. Or in a swimsuit period!!!!!!!!
Homestuck has eaten my brain. My life is crazy 13-year-old kids.
I've been playing voraciously over at singularity_rpg. I'm playing Toby Daye, Buffy Meissonier, and an AU John Egbert. I am madly in love with this game.
I have started grabbing important journals on DW in the event of migration, because LJ is full of dickwads.
...yeah, stuff. I've been kind of a mess off and on for the past few days, but my railsis Kari has been keeping me relatively level. Dude, how do I get all the most awesome friends? <>>>>>Kari
Oh, and the BEST THING on this list: When I went to visit my parents, my mom took me shopping for a Christmas present. She bought me this. It is the most beautiful microphone I have ever touched. I got an inexpensive pop screen, too, obviously. I just. Now all I need is a soundproofed room that won't make my voice echo, heh. Still, it is beautiful and I really need to find the perfect things to record. Can't wait to really sit down on my day off (Christmas, lol!) and play with it. :D

So yes. Good is theoretically outweighing bad, though you wouldn't be able to tell from the fact that I keep nearly (or actually) having these tiny meltdowns. Some are bleedover-induced, some are not, but all in all it's... bluh.

I'm also still gaining weight - slowly, but I am. Brain swooshes or no brain swooshes, I am sick of being on Paxil - I'm going to drop down to half dose (5mg vs 10mg) for a couple weeks and reassess. Important notice - if you guys notice that I'm acting differently than I usually do, please bring it up to me? I'm relying on my friends and Aub to help me gauge if I'm okay on less Paxil. Honestly, even if I'm not doing as well, I'm going to wean off carefully and go in for a different scrip - one that hopefully won't make me gain weight. Bluh bluh bluh.

Anyway, that is the state of the Mat as of right now. :) How are all of you, since I've forgotten that my journal reading lists exist for a couple months?

Off to a good start

thatrainbow — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 04:02:45 GMT

So, Nano started today, complete with my kind of insane project to hand-write 50,000+ words this month. Last night, mortalcity and I went to the Ithaca kick-off/write-in. I haven't been to one for five years, which was just the kickoff party in the San Mateo, CA area and nothing more because I had to be home at night to watch my roommate's 5-year-old while she was at work. Aubrey hasn't been to a Nano event for seven years, since the events where we met and became friends.

Also, Morgan, it has been officially 7 years and 1 day since I met you, and dragged you out of your corner at Panera to get coffee with my crazy, scarf-wearing self. I have yet to regret that moment. ;) Never will, either. MWAH!

Anyway, Aub had said that if she enjoyed the kickoff that she'd like to go to some of the write-ins over the course of the month. We really lucked out - when we got to the diner, we chatted with the ML and the other early arrivals, and that was fun. But then, oh then, two lovely young women ended up at our table - Anna and Carrie. You guys, we had SO MUCH FUN. We felt really old because except for the ML and Anna, we were the OLDEST PEOPLE THERE. Seriously, it was WEIRD, after Velvet Botox (the Tampa/St. Pete group from 7 years ago) which mostly consisted of people in their late 20s and up, and the five of us teenagers. Ah, the days when I had to prove that I wasn't actually 16. I was 18 and they refused to believe me until I provided my ID! No lie! But we had lots of fun, and are definitely doing more write-ins.

As far as the actual writing goes, it's not bad. I'd forgotten how it felt to really settle down and write long-hand. It's a much more fluid process than writing on the computer. You can pull it out and add a few words without much trouble, while you're waiting for a bus, or while you're waiting for them to make your sandwich at the sandwich place. Plus when you don't have the computer, you can't get distracted by things like settings, character sheets, email, twitter, plurk, AIM, music...

I wrote four pages at the write-in (and drank five cups of coffee...), two when I got home, and two so far today at work. Even more that getting in a good typing rhythm, I'm kind of taken aback by my word count. I'm estimating, given an average of 10 words per line and 32 lines per page, that I have about 320 words on each page. I've passed 2.5k already, and it feels like I've written half that. I think it definitely helps to have the visual goal of the bottom of the page. I'm actually feeling more confident of my ability to finish my nano this year. If it goes well this year, I might make this a tradition. Plus, it can't hurt to pull myself away from the computer for the time it takes me to write those pages every day. ;)

My novel_in_90 project (which is being typed and will be posted as I finish chapters over at darlingthenovel, go join!) has started off nicely, though I'm not really sure where to go with it. I know where it has to go by the end, I just don't know how it's going to get there. It's not as imperative that I figure it out ASAP, though, since it's only 750 words a day, and I've made that with just the very first scene. I'm looking forward to exploring Jo's character, especially since she's not making an appearance in Super until a third to half the way through. That's a whole two weeks away!

Anyway, that's the surprisingly-sane State of the Mat. More updates later in the week, when I will likely be crazier than ever.

NANOWRIMO OMG

thatrainbow — Fri, 28 Oct 2011 18:51:17 GMT

So I made a comm for my nano: superthenovel, which is highly uncreative, I know. There's nothing in it just yet, but hopefully I'll have a cast list up shortly!

I will note that I'm planning on writing this longhand, so the comm is mostly going to hold things like worldbuilding and backstory until after nano, unless I get the urge to type shit up. Which I might, from time to time, if I'm proud of a scene. (Especially if Sunny and Ten are in it, since they already have a fan club.)

Anyway, any actual WRITING is going under a lock, so if you have a DW account and want to read anything, go request to join!

I am, I am [IMPORTANT, PLEASE READ]

thatrainbow — Sat, 01 Oct 2011 05:19:29 GMT

I am a coyote girl. I'm a queer little fae one who likes to walk barefoot in the grass. I love urban fantasy and a little sci-fi, and sometimes trashy romance novels. I am a gamer (though I kinda suck at 'em) and a blogger and an RPer. I am poly and in love with two amazing women who make my life better just by being themselves. I like Doctor Who and Glee and Criminal Minds and Fringe and My Little Pony. I work in an adult bookstore and love it. I love to write, and I live to sing. And I am trans*.

...Yeah, in my first draft of this post I had this bit about how you're probably surprised, and then Aub and Jaqui proceeded to be ABSOLUTELY NOT SURPRISED AT ALL (Aub called me anticlimactic. ANTICLIMACTIC!) so I won't presume to know whether you're surprised or not.

And yeah, I am a bit of an odd duck, even among the odd duck trans* folks I know. I love my breasts and my feminine curves. I still consider myself a coyote girl despite the fact that I am not, in fact, a girl (figure that one out). I have no desire or plans to have surgery or take hormones.

But just because I am not a "normal" guy doesn't mean I'm not a guy. When I was 13, my favourite activity was to wear a too-small sports bra, dress in baggy cargo pants and an over-large hoodie, go to the mall with my guy friends, and basically get "mistaken" for a teenaged boy. It felt good. Not just fun, not just amusing, but good. And back then, I didn't even know what being trans* WAS, so unlike my attraction to girls, I never really fought it. Especially 'cause I still liked pretty things, girly things, dresses and makeup (sometimes), so even after I learned the very basics of what being trans* entails, I still didn't feel like it applied to me. I mean, would I LIKE to be considered a guy? Yeah, I thought, that'd be awesome, but I can't be trans*. I like being a girl too much.

It's taken some time, but over the past few years, I've grown more and more sure that I'm just a guy who happens to enjoy having what is generally considered "female" anatomy. And still I haven't said anything. But a few things have happened recently to push me to actually coming out.

The first is the simple feeling of new beginnings permeating my life, with Aub and I moving into our new house, getting our new car, doing domestic stuff like cooking dinner and painting walls and pulling up carpet.

The second is that my wonderful friend O, one of the sexiest women I know, recently came out to the WoW blogging community as trans. This has changed not a thing about how I think or feel about her (she is a sexy lady, full stop), but the fact that she just sat us down and told us meant more to me than I could express when she posted that.

And third, earlier today I came across a tumblr (which I've lost since) of a guy who felt no need to "pass" as traditionally male. He, like me, has no desire for surgery or hormones. He wears some clothes that would generally be considered "girly". He has longish hair, dyes it fabulous colours, and wears amazing theatrical makeup. He doesn't look like what I would usually peg as a guy, but looking at his pictures, he very much is. Maybe it's just my habit of interpreting people as they want to be interpreted, but even with his long pink hair, lipstick, eyeshadow, barrettes, and a corset showing off his cleavage, he read as absolutely a guy to me. Not a MASCULINE guy, because he doesn't want to be, but still a guy.

And damn if it didn't make me go "...well, if he can be out..."

So, after much much much debate and waffling and flailing and needing moral support from my girls (you know who you are), I have decided (obviously) to come out as a transgendered man, with all my quirks and unique takes on what it means to be a guy.

So I have two requests for you, my friends:

1) My name is Matthew. You can call me that, or Mat (note the one T), or Mattie.I do go by Apple in a few places, and personally I do not feel weird about being called Apple while being a guy. If you want to keep calling me Apple or call me Mat, that's up to you, I'll take either one. :)

2) I'm a guy. Please use male pronouns when you're talking about me. He/him/his.

I know this is kind of a lot to just suddenly announce. I know it's gonna take some work to remember to use the right name/pronouns, especially for anyone who's never had a trans* friend or family member begin whatever their form of transition was. And I'm not gonna bite your head off if you slip up every once in a while, so don't feel bad if it happens. I do it, too, to friends that I KNOW don't belong to those pronouns, but it just slips. All you need to do is correct yourself, try not to slip up next time, move on.

Anyway... yes. I love you all, I'm still me. Same me as I was this morning when you thought I was a girl. I was terrified of making this post earlier. I'm glad I got to talk to my girls, because I'm surprisingly not afraid of making it now.

If you've got any questions, leave a comment, I'll do my best to answer. And though I would be shocked if any of you guys were douchebags about this (I know you guys and you rock!), if anyone IS, I'll sic my attack squad on you. Trust me, you don't want to piss them off.

What is transgender?

thatrainbow — Fri, 30 Sep 2011 18:42:08 GMT

So, I don't remember when I first learned about transgendered people. I do remember, though, that for as long as I can remember knowing about trans* people, I've been told that being trans* is this:

Being trans* means that you feel a different gender than the body you were born with, and generally will have surgery and hormones (and/or breast-binding, if applicable) to make your body appear how you feel it should.

Okay. All well and good, I suppose. Except... what about the transwomen who don't feel the desire for surgery, and just pad their bras if they want to have a bigger bust sometimes? What about the transmen who are content to bind or pack or neither? What about the transwomen who aren't feminine, and just want to wear jeans and tshirts? What about the transmen who want to wear skirts and corsets and makeup? Do they not technically count as trans*?

If someone is fine with their body - they don't want surgery or hormones, and they don't want to bind or pack or pad or tuck every day, or even most days - are they still trans*?

My opinion is, of course, "absolutely, why wouldn't they be?" But I know that there are probably a lot of people, even in the GLBTA community, who would look at a transguy in a shirt that shows off his cleavage and say "psh, she's not really trans, if she were, why would she be so comfortable with her body/showing off her femininity?"

If cis* folks can have such a vast variety of presentations and fashion choices, why can't the trans* folks?

Because it feels right to say

thatrainbow — Sun, 11 Sep 2011 20:48:25 GMT

So, it's 9/11.

I have a weird relationship with remembering 9/11. On the one hand, I want things to stop grinding to a halt every year. On the other... I had a panorama shot of the City in my room at my parents' house, that was taken before 9/11, and if I looked at it too long it would break my heart.

I was 15 when it happened. It was my first year of being homeschooled, and my mom was still kind of strict about me getting up and being dressed in the mornings, instead of sleeping in and doing school in my pajamas. I remember I was doing my hair, blasting my music and singing into my hairbrush, when my mom burst in and said "Get out here, terrorists are attacking," and ran back out.

I, like any 15-year-old who has been hassled by her mother to hurry up most every morning, figured she was just trying to get me to move faster, though I thought it was a weird way of doing it. I didn't come out for about 15, maybe 20 minutes, and when I did, my mom and my 10-year-old sister were sitting in front of the TV, staring at the news.

I don't remember most of the morning. Some of the women from my mom's bible study came over, one of them brought her daughters, who were 13 and 8. My sister and the younger girl went and played in Kat's bedroom, all the grown-ups went to the living room to pray, and the older girl and I sat on the couch in the family room watching the news and talking quietly. It was scary. It was terrifying, especially since I'd fallen in love with New York when I was 10. That was my city.

The first tower had collapsed earlier, while my mom was watching, but the second tower came down while they were out of the room. Both the other girl (I think her name might've been Ashley) and I shouted for our moms, told them what happened. They didn't believe us at first, they said it was just footage of the first tower being shown again, and it wasn't until the ticker at the bottom said that the second tower had come down that they listened to us. I don't think I've ever been as frantically upset at my mom for not listening to me as I was that day. The second tower had collapsed while I watched, I'd been watching for hours, and my mom had the gall to tell me that I was stupid enough to mistake the first tower footage for something new and frightening.

Later that day, after all the new footage had ended, I tried to work through everything. I ended up writing a piece of Sailor Moon fanfic. It was not the best ever, but it was about loss and heartbreak and moving on, and it really helped me feel less... scared, uncertain. It was horrible, and that wouldn't change, but I didn't have to be afraid all the time. Like my mom was - a week after 9/11, I took my dog for a walk, and a fighter jet flew above the city, near enough for us to hear it, almost at sonic boom speeds, and my mom flipped out and DROVE AROUND THE BLOCK to find me and order me home right then in case something happened.

Ten years later, I still am not quite sure how I feel. I hear stories about people who were there, people who died, people who died heroes, people who didn't die, and I cry. I see people going on about how we can never forget and I roll my eyes. It's a fine line between remembering and wallowing, to me. Yes, it was horrible; yes, there are people who were personally affected who are still not done grieving and that's fine; yes, we should remember. But it shouldn't become the only tragedy we meditate on as a country.

Today, I remember what it was like. Tomorrow, I will continue not being afraid. I will continue respecting Muslims, I will continue living my life.

I love.

thatrainbow — Thu, 08 Sep 2011 00:23:04 GMT

I am a coyote girl, a cuckoo girl, an autumn girl, a rainy day girl, a garden earth girl. I love cat girls and coyote girls, fox girls and raven girls, trickster girls and angel girls. I love my routewitch girls who never quite settle, and my hearth girls who always keep a spot for them at the dinner table. I love my Wonderland girls who sometimes lose themselves, and my candlelight girls who guide them home. I love my Babylon girls who leave their paths behind, and my lilymaid girls who never stray far from their pools.

I love fire girls and ice boys and cuckoo children who are outside the lines we draw around gender. I love hedgewitch boys and warlock girls and so many in-betweens.

I love them all, from the changeling girl who has been mine for time out of mind to the lighthouse girl who I've been waiting for my whole life and finally found. And sometimes they're ice girls or raven boys, but regardless of gender, they are part of my life and I love them.

I love you. You, reading this right now. Even if we've never spoken, my heart has a place that is yours. Even if we don't speak anymore, if we've drifted apart, if I screamed I hated you and never wanted to speak to you again. Because once you're a part of my life, I can't help but love you, just a little.

Cars and embroidery floss

thatrainbow — Wed, 07 Sep 2011 07:55:04 GMT

So we've been watching Top Gear between Pat going to bed and us going to bed, and I've just got to say that I am madly in love with these boys. THEY ARE SO CUTE! Richard is my favourite.

In vaguely-related news (in that it involves cars), my dad's coming to town this weekend to get us a new car. Who, because I am not stupid (and Aubrey has forbidden me), will not be named Koschei. I'm hoping for a sturdy little volvo wagon in dark blue, in which case the car will be named Sexy. Anything else... well, we'll find out when we meet them, I suppose.

Additionally, and entirely unrelatedly, I've come to the conclusion that I need to make FRIENDSHIP BRACELETS!

Or, rather, Dusty is making friendship bracelets, and I felt the urge to make the ones she's making. She's making matching sets for her and various people that she's started making friends with. So I'll be buying up terrifying amounts of embroidery floss in various bright colours and stealing a few safety pins from work, and making a truly horrific number of friendship bracelets. :D And then, of course, the people who play those characters will be getting a friendship bracelet. And I will be wearing a, I believe this is the technical term, "metric fuckload" of friendship bracelets.

I can't PROMISE anything, but if any of you lovely people would like a hand-made embroidery floss friendship bracelet, let me know! Leave a comment with a couple colours you like (anywhere from 2-6, your choice!), and (if you are bracelet-savvy) a preference of pattern, and if I do not lose interest in the project too quickly, you may get a friendship bracelet from me! And I will have a matching one. :D

Stress management

thatrainbow — Sun, 04 Sep 2011 21:44:42 GMT

There are two kinds of stress that I deal with regularly. There's the acute stress that overwhelms everything and has me crying at the drop of a hat and feeling utterly miserable, and then there's the long-term stress that simmers, underlying everything, building up and making me feel just over the line of overwhelmed without pushing me into being a sobbing, hysterical mess.

I deal with acute stress loudly and emotionally. Sobbing, screaming, singing loud songs at the top of my lungs until my throat is hoarse, rough sex, and (in the past) heavily emotional and poorly-controlled cutting. My most noticeable scars on my arms are from periods like this, that are usually instigated by a specific event, or a couple of events back to back.

Simmering stress is different. Sometimes I have my screaming, sobbing acute stress meltdowns after one thing just tips me over after a long bout of simmering, but sometimes it just simmers, until things change and it dissipates. These days, I generally try to distract myself until my stress levels dip and I can relax, by playing video games, RPing, watching TV. In the past, I would cut, very methodically. Thin, sometimes nearly invisible, parallel scars run up and down the length of both my arms from this sort of cutting.

A couple years later, I tried replacing that response with distraction and, when it got pushed too far, smoking. Nicotine can be really useful in situations like this, especially since I've never had a problem with smoking. I have a couple cigarettes one afternoon, maybe two days in a row, and that gives me enough breathing room to get back to distraction techniques until the stress goes away.

I still struggle with cutting. That's the nature of an addiction, really. During my brief stint as manager of the Portrait Studio this past spring, after my ankle was healed, I got so overwhelmed that I created a little "stress box" - a pencil case with bandaids, neosporin, a small bottle of alcohol, and a razor blade. I hid it behind the counter and would put it in my purse if I couldn't handle the day - I'd head to the bathroom, lock myself in a stall, make a few small cuts somewhere my clothes would cover the injury, then after a few minutes of letting it bleed, would wash the cuts, put neosporin and a bandaid over them, and head back to the studio.

And then there's today, where I headed to the convenience store to get a soda, and almost bought a disposable razor. Instead, I bought a pack of cigarettes. I've got that underlying stress that, unfortunately, I can't actually do anything about right now. It's stress from worrying about Aubrey, the weather being hot and muggy, the car not working, living in Pat and Caroline's living room, the fact that we have had pretty much no money for a week and a half now, the fact that I don't know for sure when we'll be able to move in to the house, I don't know when my dad's coming to get us a new car, I need some medical tests done before I can even take placement tests to apply for classes at TC3... the list goes on. A bunch of little and not-so-little things that on their own would be... mildly stressful but nothing some chocolate and a Disney movie couldn't cure. Together, they make me struggle with my inclinations to make myself bleed.

And to be honest, I don't know that I WON'T end up buying a disposable razor to rip apart and cut myself with. I don't particularly want to, but nicotine doesn't always help enough and I don't know if it'll be enough today. I'm not fishing for attention or support or anyone telling me not to hurt myself - if I do, I do; if I don't, I don't. I just had to get all this out there.

thatrainbow — Thu, 01 Sep 2011 22:00:46 GMT

I think I am becoming largely immune to pornographic images.

Okay, that's not true, if I actually take the time to look at them, I can still find them either titillating (unlikely) or disturbing (more likely). But I've gotten to the point where I really don't see them if I'm not actively looking. I don't really notice the nudity and penetration and other various sordid activities going on anymore.

Which is vaguely hilarious. It's not many people who can have a good-natured conversation about music or Harry Potter or the weather with someone while you ring up their "Anal Abyss" DVDs and vibrating cock rings.

What I really enjoy, when I think about it, is how mundane it all is to me. I don't bat an eyelash when someone asks about which lube is the best, or when a woman comes in and we have a very comfortable back-and-forth over the merits of various vibrators and the sort of sensation she's going for. I mean, part of it is that I have LONG since overcome my shyness about sex and sexuality. I have absolutely no problem in telling someone coming in for their first vibe that they might want to start with Vibe B instead of Vibe A because A is very strong and it can be a very unpleasant sensation if your clitoral area is sensitive.

That said, cleaning the back rooms at night (which is really just sweeping up any paper towels/tissues left behind and running a mop over the floor) is still disgusting. I do NOT need to be dealing with other men's semen. Just ew.

"Real" names and why I hate them

thatrainbow — Tue, 09 Aug 2011 20:10:13 GMT

Yeah. So, because I am a good, rules-abiding internet citizen (*snort*), when I signed up for my World of Warcraft account, I used my legal name, for fear that there was a chance they'd cancel my account if I didn't. Why did I think they'd know what my real name was or wasn't? Who knows. But it didn't really matter, because no one saw the name on my account.

Then Blizzard introduced RealID, which is a cross-server, cross-faction, cross-GAME chat where anyone on your RealID list can see you no matter where they're playing in relation to you. Which was exciting as all fuck, except for the fact that, since they couldn't very well go by character name, they went by the name on the account. The name on the account which you can't change without faxing/mailing/emailing them a copy of the proof that you've legally changed your name.

Now, my friends are all amazing, and as far as I can tell, they work along the same lines I do - their legal name is just another "character", and I call them by the handle I always have. Still, when I haven't been "Elizabeth" in a while. I'm Beka, I'm Apple, I'm Mattie, but I'm not Elizabeth. And I hate that a name that I cannot identify with is the name that everyone on my RealID list sees. That it's the name I see next to my comments to them.

One day, I'll actually legally change my name, and then I'll put in to change the name on my account, but until then... I'm stuck with it. And that's not fair. Just because a name is on my driver's license doesn't mean it's my name.

My real name is Matthew Rebecca Rose, just like my real name was Rebecca Rose Cavanaugh for a while. My LEGAL name has no connection to my real name, and the idea that I have to plug a name that I don't identify with into some website just to use it, just because it's what's on my ID, is... imminently frustrating.

Thank goodness I don't really play by the rules anymore.

An update

thatrainbow — Fri, 05 Aug 2011 20:55:04 GMT

So. My parents. Are exhausting. Thankfully, I managed to pass out for an hour just now, so I'm slightly LESS exhausted, but Jesus Christ on a pogo stick. First, I must relay, that at one point they said "is there any other job you could get?" followed by "we're worried about your heart" - which briefly made both Aub and I concerned about sudden cardiac issues until they followed up with "your heart and your soul". LOL. Oh parents. Being a porn pixie is not soul sucking, shockingly enough.

So we looked at houses! Which... I would describe in detail, but Aubrey did fantastically at her journal, so I'll let her say most of it.

Seriously, guys, the magic and unicorns house was Shadowed Hills? But the house we're trying for now is Goldengreen, and OURS. It's... it's fantastic, in a way that Shadowed Hills wasn't. Shadowed Hills was fun, and colourful, and was the sort of place where you have a friend or two living with you and you go to college and paint the walls crazy colours and let the paint splatter on the floor a bit. Goldengreen is... is... settle down, plant a garden, get chickens, paint in the work room, get a degree, have a baby. Shadowed Hills is that first step towards adulthood when you're not really ready to be quite an adult yet. Goldengreen is... grownup. Goldengreen is a place that I want to put nice furniture in and hang things on the walls. I want to have a housewarming with the few people I know. I want to make blackberry jam to give as Christmas gifts, and find out if I want to raise more chickens to sell the eggs. I want to cook a proper meal for tea so I can sit down and eat with my wife before I leave for work. I want to sit at the kitchen table and do my homework.

I just.

There's something about this house.

I know this is stupid, but I see this house and feel like I can actually be an adult for the first time in my life.

I hope I hope I hope it will be ours.

Update from your neighbourhood hobo!

thatrainbow — Tue, 02 Aug 2011 16:02:52 GMT

We are all settled in, as far as it goes, at Pat and Caroline's. We vacated the apartment from hell and left pretty much all our trash for Brian to clean up, because we are petty and vindictive and it's less time-consuming and expensive than taking him to court for kicking us out after nearly 2 years of allowing us to pay rent a week or two into the month instead of on the first. Since I'm pretty sure we could.

I am, thankfully, not sleeping in my car! We were keeping Ace in her crate outside when I was coming in, but regardless of whether I was out with her or not she was constantly whining and freaking out. Apparently while I was at work last night, Pat gave the okay to have her in the apartment as long as she's crated, so while I know she will hate that crate with a passion by the time we leave, at least a) she's not howling piteously, and b) I get to sleep inside!

My parents are coming to town in a couple of days, I THINK to get the inspection done on the house, and to see me before going to my cousin's wedding. I need to get her a card, Aub and I were planning to go up until we got the eviction notice. :/

In non-moving news, I have actually been WRITING a little bit! Or I was before the whole "packing and moving" thing. I'm working on a Babylon Wood fic, from quite a while before the game, before the last King and Queen were chosen and Tempest was born, when Veronica Mars and Logan Echolls were there. I'm pretty pleased with it so far - it's broken 2k words and I'm not done yet! Hopefully I'll be able to finish it relatively soon.

ATTN PEOPLE WHO MAY CONSIDER MOVING TO ITHACA

thatrainbow — Wed, 20 Jul 2011 04:05:17 GMT

Okay, guys, here's the thing. We are probably getting a house! A house that we love, that is made of sunshine and rainbows and has unicorns hiding in the foliage. Seriously, this house is fabulous. However. My dad is the one buying it, and he's said that we need to rent out one of the bedrooms. He wants to rent out both, but considering the fact that there's only one bathroom and one of the reasons we wanted more than one bedroom were so Aub could have an office, that's not gonna fly. Still, we are going to try to rent out one of the rooms. That's where you guys come in. See, neither of us is at ALL comfortable with the idea of letting some random stranger into our house. So, we're coming to you, the people we know and love, to ask if you'd be interested in moving up to Ithaca to rent a room in our house. This would not be an OMG RIGHT NOW thing, as we don't even know if we'll technically get the house, or when we'll be closing on it. We don't know how much the rent will be. But what we know is this: -You will have your own colourfully painted bedroom and closet -There's a washer and drier in the house -We have a dog and two cats and are more than happy to welcome more animals into our home -We're only a couple minutes' drive from the centre of town -We're on at least one major bus line So... yeah. If that at ALL interests you, leave a comment, keep an eye out for a proper post with more info, and... if you're not interested or you know it wouldn't be possible, just be sending us wishes of luck. Thanks guys.

[Fic] Happy - Veronica Mars

thatrainbow — Thu, 14 Jul 2011 00:48:38 GMT

Title: Happy
Rating: PG
Fandom: Veronica Mars
Summary: Veronica Mars is happy. (post s3)
Wordcount: 307
Notes: SO YES. I'm writing again! Apparently. :O I decided that I don't care how shitty my prompt responses, I am SO filling the prompts Ai and Aub kindly left for me on the prompt meme I did just before the journal move. So.

She carries the act so convincingly, the fact is sometimes she believes it
That she can be happy the way things are, be happy with the things she's done.

Veronica Mars is happy.

She's just returned from her summer internship at the FBI, where she was not quite the top of the class, and she has her adoring boyfriend lavishing attention on her. When he's not busy with the new radio work he's picked up since she left. But a boyfriend who adores her, who she adores, who is sweet and loyal and doesn't start fights or vandalize public property because he's bored or angry.

She has her two best friends, who don't take any shit from her (most of the time) and can usually make her laugh. She's got people she can rely on, to be honest with her (usually), to have her back, to keep her from getting too obsessed with work and school. She's got her father and a home that finally has hot water again and bright prospects for her future

She doesn't have anyone pissing her off with their constant jackassery in her inner circle. No one invading her privacy or pushing all her buttons. No one making everything she does slightly awkward with the way they look like a kicked puppy wondering why she doesn't love them.

She doesn't have anyone she can reminisce about sophomore year with. No one she can turn to when she remembers something silly Lilly said once, because she has no one who would understand how quintessentially Lilly it was. No one giving her embarrassing hickeys and convincing her to watch a movie she never would've looked at twice just because it would be watching it with him. No one to order room service dessert just to use the chocolate drizzle in bed.

But that doesn't matter. She doesn't need any of that, because she's perfectly happy with her life.

Veronica Mars is a very bad liar.

Enter Ms. Derpy Hooves

thatrainbow — Wed, 06 Jul 2011 00:57:29 GMT

Yeah, so, guess who mis-read the schedule, thought she had the night off, and had to come into work 3 hours late and slightly buzzed from a mojito at dinner? Yeah, that'd be me. I'm not sure whether I should spend these next couple of hours derping around in WoW, derping around in Mass Effect, derping around reading MLP fanfic, or derping around trying to fill ANY of the prompts I recieved from my prompt meme. *absently wanders around the internet doing nothing*

Welcome!

thatrainbow — Sat, 02 Jul 2011 04:17:06 GMT

Bwahahahah, new journal! Quick rundown for those of you who may have friended without reading the post I'm about to put up on my OLD journals (both DW and LJ) - please don't link back to my old journals, or AJ's old journals. While there are some aspects of my online life that are still connected to those accounts (my personal site, which doesn't have anything to do with AJ, and my personal email, for example), I'd prefer to minimize the chance that somehow AJ's parents (probably her mum) would track me down through weird linky things. I mean, if it's a locked post, that's one thing, but let's try not to get in the habit of it.

And yes, at the moment, all my icons are ponies. That will change before too long, I can pretty much guarantee it, but until then, PONIES, DAMMIT. >:|