Let's see if any of them are appropriate
1) Terwin beat the Sun in a staring contest.
*) I was lucky with the sun spots...
2) Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Terwin pajamas.
*) (not so much...)
3) Terwin can split the atom. With his bare hands.
*) (I do use a Little magic to do this... usually)
4) Terwin once participated in the running of the bulls. He walked.
*) Actually, no, I had to run to keep up with the bulls, they kept trying to escape while I was still giving advice...
5) You can lead a horse to water but cannot make him drink, unless you're Terwin
*) Does it count as drinking if you just teleport the water inside?
6) When Terwin was a baby, he didn't suck his mother's breast. His mother served him whiskey, straight out of the bottle.
*) Actually, it was the hermit that did that...
7) That's not Terwin doing push-ups -- that's Terwin moving the Earth away from the path of a deadly asteroid.
*) It's only fair, after all, I'm the one that changed the course of the asteroid...(I just wanted some ice...)
8) Terwin has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.
*) But the math is a real challenge some times
9) The quickest way to a man's heart is with Terwin's fist.
*) This is actually untested...
10) Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Terwin can kill 100 percent of whatever the hell he wants.
*) But they always ask me not to...
11) According to the Encyclopedia Brittanica, the Native American "Trail of Tears" has been redefined as anywhere that Terwin walks.
*) I did not MEAN to do it... Honestly, anyone could have accidentally removed the Quichick from history, forcing the Native Americans to rely on the much less useful and nourishing buffalo.
12) Terwin is expected to win gold in every swimming competition at the 2008 Beijing Olympics, even though Terwin does not swim. This is because when Terwin enters the water, the water gets out of his way and Terwin simply walks across the pool floor.
*) It actually only tries to do this about once a month, unfortunately I then need to re-instruct the water on proper behavior. Stupid inanimate objects and their short memories...
13) July 4th is Independence day. And the day Terwin was born. Coincidence? I think not.
14) Terwin's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Terwin.
*) actually, this was an accident too... I'll put it back as soon as I figure out where I sent it...
15) While urinating, Terwin is easily capable of welding titanium.
*) it was just the one time, just after had that unfortunate incident with the plane of elemental fire...(not that one, the other one, no the other one, it's indexed under elemental flame incident #482, look it up)
16) When Terwin looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Terwin and Terwin.
*) It's a fear thing, but usually if there are enough magical barriers between the two Terwins this does not happen...
17) Terwin can win at solitaire with only 18 cards.
*) I did not have enough decks, so I split them up among the Terwins...
18) Terwin has 3 knees on each leg.
*) everyone knows that, otherwise I could not fold them sufficiently to fit inside a car...
19) The 11th commandment is 'Thou shalt not piss off Terwin' This commandment is rarely enforced, as it is impossible to accomplish.
*) almost impossible to break that is...
20) Terwin invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
*)There has never been a need... Just like there is no need to mention the chicken, it's a given.
21) On a high school math test, Terwin put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Terwin solves all his problems with Violence.
*) no, there was that one, er, no the other, um, I'm sure there was one of them where I tried something else?
22) Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Terwin.
*) yes but that one pesky time-wizard it always asking me to put buffers between my altered rates of temporal flow, something about the creaking keeping him up at night, I think...
23) Google won't search for Terwin because it knows you don't find Terwin, he finds you.
24) Terwin built a better mousetrap, but the world was too frightened to beat a path to his door.
*) it really does work, and some times the causality matrix holding the universe in question even survives... sort of...
25) Terwin can drown a fish.
*) I was just trying to explain to it about higher dimensions...
26) Terwin can slam revolving doors.
*) but they always seem to close on my leg...
27) Terwin doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.
*) I bring them back intact... mnostly
28) Most people fear the Reaper. Terwin considers him "a promising Rookie".
*) I keep encouraging him to 'think big' but he still just does one at a time...
29) Terwin can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
*) This is one of the parts of the mousetrap that tends to do 'bad' things to causality...
30) Terwin likes his ice like he likes his skulls: crushed.
31) Terwin once partook in a pissing contest outside of a bar. His opponent drowned.
*) the portal was not supposed to go to THAT ocean...
32) When God said, "let there be light", Terwin said, "say 'please'."
*) manners are important.
33) Divide Terwin by zero and you will in fact get one........one bad-ass that is.
*) This is part of how I share the thoughts and memories across the Terwins...
34) Terwin can divide by zero.
*) see #33
35) Terwin once ate four 30lb bowling balls without chewing.
*) It taught me to pay more attention to my snacks while coding...
36) Only Terwin can prevent forest fires.
*) it's easy, I just never activate any of my inventions...
37) Terwin once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
*) I only got the feather fall spell a little backwards...
38) Guantuanamo Bay, Cuba, is the military code-word for "Terwin's basement".
*) Actually, they asked me to send them somewhere less unusual, so I sent them to visit with Cthulu, the prisoners seemed very grateful...
39) Terwin is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
*) it only existed in four dimensions, it was easy to circumvent.
40) Terwin once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
*) I forgot that I still had the horn of blasting effect active...
41) When the boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Terwin.
*) I only jumped out at him that one time...
42) Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Terwin"
43) Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Terwin glare will liquefy your kidneys.
*) it does not happen that often, not more than once week, really...
44) Terwin once finished "The Song that Never Ends".
*) It was easy, I just closed a temporal loop.
45) Lightning never strikes twice in one place because Terwin is looking for it.
*) I just want to refine my lightning bolts to have a more 'natural feel'
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