I Hope I Did Good

couples_therapy Session 3 (Prompt 10)

2008-04-19T22:11:00Z

So, Toshiko. It's been a while.

Yes, I know. I'm sorry about that. I've been very busy at work.

Nothing too serious, I hope?

Aren't we supposed to be talking about my relationship issues? Do you really think that's relevant?

You tell me if it's relevant, Toshiko. You're the one it effects.

Well, ok, maybe it's a little relevant.

Does it involve Owen Harper?

Toshiko?

What happened?

I don't want to talk about it.

Do you feel there is a distance between yourself and Owen?

Oh, you could say that! You could certainly say that.

Would you care to elaborate?

No. A lot of things have happened over the last few days. Everything has changed.

I don't know what to do.

We had an argument. And, although we did sort things out after wards, for the most part, and although he was understandably stressed at the time, I can't stop thinking about what he said.

What did he say?

Can you repeat that? I couldn't hear you?

He talked about how I watched him screw all those women and how I'm only interested in him now because he's 'safe'. Now that he's as screwed up as I am.

And how did that make you feel?

How do you think it made me feel? What if he's right? I mean, I do know that I'm 'screwed up'. I work for Torchwood, we're all screwed up. It's part of the job description. But I always had this ridiculous idea that, one day, he'd notice me - the real me - and everything would fall into place.

Maybe I read too many fairy tales when I was small. They're only one step away from romance novels, aren't they? I stupidly assumed that he'd have to realise I was female eventually, and not entirely unpleasant.

We always got on well. Before Gwen joined the team, anyway. We'd go out for drinks after work. We even kissed, that Christmas Eve. It didn't bother me that he forget the very next day, because I knew it could only be a matter of time. It didn't bother me that he picked up woman after woman, and told us all about it the next day. It was only a matter of time.

A matter of time ...

Oh, this is ridiculous. How are you supposed to help me with a relationship that doesn't exist and never will?

Toshiko? Toshiko? Where are you going?

Toshiko?

The Real Ending of 'Exit Wounds'

2008-04-06T15:49:30Z

She was probably going to die. She was losing a lot of blood, far too quickly. She didn’t need to be a doctor to know that. She couldn’t feel anything, thanks to the broad spectrum painkiller which had now numbed her senses completely. In fact, for the first time in her entire life, Toshiko Sato felt completely in control.

She’d always been a very logical person. She liked mathematics and physics and careful order. But, for some reason, Tosh had always had difficult applying those same rules to her own life. She was always swept along by events, rather than shaping them for herself. Now, when it was almost too late, she’d managed to seize back power.

The floor of the lab was crimson. An average human adult had 5.6 litres of blood in their body, she recalled. It didn’t sound very much. It looked like a lot now, though. But at least it wasn’t black or brackish. The bullet had missed her liver. She had thirty minutes or so, rather than a mere fifteen. More than enough time to sort out the situation at the power plant, if she was careful.

She’d told Owen she was brilliant – probably the most immodest she’d ever been, since she wasn’t really given to self praise – and she’d been telling the truth. With one hand pressed to her stomach (as if that would actually make a difference) and the other clutching her trusty scanner, she managed to vent the flow channels and set a time delay so Owen could escape before the radioactive material arrived.

Brilliant.

She could hear footsteps from somewhere behind her, back in the Hub. The man who had shot her? Or her Ianto and Gwen managed to find Jack and stop him?

Tosh was surprised to find that she didn’t actually care. She couldn’t. The world seemed to have faded, turning sepia before her eyes. Her job was done. The city was safe from the radiation, if nothing else. She knew, with a certain indefinable confidence, that her team-mates would take care of the rest.

Her eyes fluttered shut, just for a moment. She was so tired.

When she opened them, Gwen and Jack were by her side. They were saying something, but the words floated away from her, as intangible as a musical tune heard from a great distance.

“Talk to me now, hey? Tosh?”

And then Owen was there. She heard him swear – typically – and move Gwen out of the way to kneel beside her in the pool of crimson. She wanted to apologise for making such a mess in his lab, ridiculously, but she could only manage a muted croak.

This wasn’t right. She’d been in control before. She was losing it now, having it snatched away by her well meaning co-workers. Her well meaning friends.

She couldn’t manage to tell them that, either. Tell that she was fine. That everything was fine.

“Hey, Tosh,” Owen chastised gently, “Come on, open your eyes. Look at me. Stay with me! We haven’t had our date yet, remember? Not planning on standing me up, are you?”

She made a noise that was halfway between a laugh and a sob, aware of Gwen hovering somewhere in the background, making a similar noise as she buried her face in Ianto’s lapels. Jack’s hand was squeezing hers and he was cradling her head. Strange how she could feel that, but nothing else. Not Owen’s deft ministrations, or the pain from the gunshot wound, or the pain from her broken arm. Just Jack’s reassuring presence.

“You’re gonna be fine,” the Captain assured her, and Tosh nodded, just once, before resting her head against his chest and allowing herself to drift off for a while. She believed him. She always did.

That was how she’d ended up with Torchwood in the first place.

couples_therapy Session 2 (Prompt 4)

2008-03-13T17:33:01Z

What is your greatest fear when you're in a relationship?

Well, I suppose, these days, I tend to worry if the person I'm getting involved with is actually human. They could always be an alien more interested in Torchwood technology than in me ...

What?

We've never really talked about my job before, have we? I've blamed Torchwood for quite a few things, including the current state of my love life, but you've never actually asked me to explain why.

I wouldn't dream of telling you how to do your job, of course, but don't you think that would be a good question to start a session with?

Perhaps. Why don't you tell us now, Toshiko?

Fine. I work for an organisation which combats hostile alien threats and collects alien technology.

Toshiko, if you could please try and take the question seriously.

I'm being perfectly serious. I'm not very good at jokes. You can ask anyone I know. I'm too 'uptight' for jokes.

Torchwood monitors a rift in space and time, a rift which runs through the city of Cardiff. It's our job to combat and neutralise any threats which slip through and to collect alien technology in order to arm the human race against whatever might come next.

Toshiko ...

Don't you remember Canary Wharf? The Sycorax ship hovering about London? An alien ship crashing into Big Ben? Calling it terrorism doesn't change what actually happened. Do you really believe it was just drugs in the water supply? A mass hallucination?

Torchwood tries to keep it all secret, but there is a whole universe out there, teaming with life. We're so small, here on Earth. Utterly insignificant. There is so much out there, and it's terrifying and beautiful at the same time. Some times ...

Some times?

Some times, if you remember that, you're able to realise that things aren't quite as bleak as they seem.

About a year ago, I found this tablet. It took me weeks to translate, but when I did, I found out it was a letter. Just a letter. An alien, from a planet thousands of light years away from Earth, writing home to their family!

Then, a few months ago, I ...

... I shouldn't really be telling you any of this. I'm sorry. I'm going to have to give you retcon, aren't I?

Retcon?

Oh, please don't ask me to explain. You won't remember anyway.

couples_therapy Session 1 (Prompt 1)

2008-03-01T11:11:43Z

So, tell us about your first kiss.

My first kiss? With anyone in particular?

With Owen.

Oh.

Well, it was Christmas Eve. Although, I suppose, it would actually be more accurate to say that it was Christmas Day, since it was around 3am when we finally staggered out of the Hub.

Owen and I were waiting for a cab outside the Millennium Centre. I think Suzie, Ianto and Jack were still inside. I can't remember exactly why we'd all stayed in the Hub, rather than migrating to a bar of some sort. None of us were sober enough to do much if a disaster did occur, apart from Jack. I don't think he has the capacity to get drunk, no matter how much he actually consumes.

We're not here to talk about Jack, Toshiko.

I'm sorry.

I ... I had this stupid sprig of mistletoe that Suzie had given me. She'd fixed it up in the centre of the Hub, but handed it to me as we were leaving, with a ridiculous wink that made all the blood rush to my cheeks. If it hadn't have been for the alcohol, I'd probably have died of embarrassment.

The alcohol was also the only thing that gave me the courage the lift up the mistletoe and hold it over our heads. It was freezing cold, although it wasn't raining. For once. Despite the alcohol induced bravery, my hands were shaking.

I don't think Owen realised what I was doing at first, but he caught on eventually. He grinned at me, and then, with the cabdriver shouting at us to get a move on, he kissed me.

And?

And? There is no 'and'. He didn't even remember it the next day. I shouldn't have got my hopes up.

Introduction for couples_therapy

2008-02-27T20:49:08Z

Hello, my name is Toshiko Sato and I'm currently in a long term relationship with ...

Oh, who am I trying to convince? I'm not in a long term relationship. I've never been in a long term relationship. With my job, there just isn't time.

Although, even if there was time, I'm unlikely to find someone who actually understands what I do. Not that I could tell them about Torchwood if a miracle did occur. Protocol.

And ... well, I suppose, if I'm being totally honest, there is another reason for my current single status.

I ... well, I ...

Ok, well, I've been completely and utterly and desperately in love with one of my colleagues for the last four years. Ever since I started working for Torchwood. He hasn't realised this. He doesn't even seem to realise I exist a lot of the time.

Until I get over this 'crush', I'm not going to be able to form a relationship with anyone. I'm not sure therapy is going to help, but I suppose it's worth a try. Right?