Lost in my thoughts

WIP Teapots, Frog Pile

tarnera — Sat, 30 May 2015 23:29:11 GMT

Time for a cross stitch update... I've spent a lot of time lately knitting a Doctor Who scarf, so I don't have that much.

I got a lot of work on this one done since the last time I posted about it! All the full stitches and roughly half the back stitch. And then I... actually ran out of black. This kit had a lot of issues with running out of material, I found. I don't know why.

And then I actually started a new one, because I didn't feel like stitching on black to work on the tiger piece. This one's called Friendship Teapots and I really love the design of the first pot I've stitched so far.

Cross Stitch

tarnera — Tue, 11 Sep 2012 23:12:37 GMT

Heeeeey, you guys! It's been a while, huh... unfortunately dislike of LJ and life in general conspired to kick me in the butt, but hopefully I can start using this journal as a cross-stitch updater if nothing else.

I even have some things to put here, a finish or two and a WIP I've been working on for a while.

The WIP first!

Isn't she a beauty? I think she was only half-done the last time I posted her...

I was also missing her backstitch instructions for a very long time, but over the weekend I went through my entire stash looking for something completely unrelated and found them! So that's cool.

I also discovered that I probably have something like 200 projects, both kits and simply patterns. Wow, when did I achieve SABLE? Anyway, I found in there about a baker's dozen of tiny, silly, somewhat kitchy kits, and I've been working on those.

So far the ladybug is my favorite XD I'm so glad I know about Fraycheck; it's saving my life with these darn things, lol!

No idea what I'm going to do with them yet, though I have a half-hearted idea about giving them away to my friends as like... patches or something. Still thinking about that one. I also might trim down the rose one a bit more, it looks bulky compared to the ladybug one.

Finally, I have the last of this weird artsy vegetable kit. There was also an eggplant (which I gave to my folks) and a green pepper (which I still have). Hopefully I'll decide what to do with them... maybe I'll use them to practice my framing skills with. That wouldn't be a bad use for them. XD

Cross-posted to cross_stitch

So I kinda lied just a bit...

tarnera — Fri, 30 Dec 2011 07:15:48 GMT

...since I'm both going to continue mirroring my journal entries over on DW, and this is a post just for the LJers. Igrick, head of Russian LJ and creative mind behind these and future changes, did an interview recently. Someone over one DW was kind enough to translate it.

Go here to see what the future holds for LJ

...so he's basically trying to get LJ away from the journal/blogging site it is and toward some kind of newsfeed site. I think.

Yeah.

Random Things #105: Of updates and LJ

tarnera — Wed, 21 Dec 2011 03:00:56 GMT

Just as a head's up, for anyone who actually reads this journal... because of the changes LJ is implementing, I'm switching over to Dreamwidth. Again, I use this so rarely it shouldn't even matter anyway... but yeah.

I'll probably still use this to brag about my cross stitch updates, though :P

I won't be deleting this journal, but I've gotten rid of my rarely-used fanfiction journal. If anyone wanted to read those again, I've put them here

Cross Stitch Update

tarnera — Tue, 06 Dec 2011 21:01:12 GMT

Aaah, need to get better at keeping this up... eh, it's better than last time, lol.

A few finishes, two of them rather old...

The msal that cross_stitch did... some time ago. I can't remember when I finished it.

And the other one. I think they turned out quite nice~ I'll probably make them into pillows, eventually.

And then the most recent finish...

I'm so happy~ Only took me 2 years to finish it, ahhaha. But my BoInk turned out lovely~

Some close-ups...

The top two quadrants say 'A' and 'T', my initials, and the bottom two are the year, 11.

I think it turned out very well, but I'm not sure what I'm going to do with it now. Maybe a pillow.

Cross-posted to cross_stitch

Random Things #104: A joyful ramble through my mind

tarnera — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 19:16:16 GMT

And it is December 1st. 23 days until my 25th birthday... what a strange feeling.

Soon I'll be able to rent a car, and now that I am (finally) able to drive that's actually a possibility, lmao.

But my life is a quarter over (assuming I live to 100) and I haven't managed to do much with it. Still working on getting that medical coding certification--I really want to get that so I can move out of this place. My parents are really great (especially for putting up with me this long) but... omg I want to leave so bad.

I really haven't accomplished much, and... I'm not an ambitious person. So I probably never will. I'm ok with that, honestly. Getting a job and living on my own is enough of a goal, preferably far away from my folks. I love them, but I'd love being far away from them more, I think.

Anyway. Need to work harder to get that certification, I've kind of been slacking. Bad, I know, but I plead Thanksgiving. /waves hands/ I'll get it done, I have confidence in myself.

I'm thinking about going to Nashville, TN in January, I've got some friends in the area. Gonna go there for a week, I think, unless something changes. Get out of the house, away from my parents and having to take care of Grandma... by then I'll definitely need the break.

I should probably work more on my cross stitch, too... all my free time has gone to a new show I discovered, Tiger & Bunny. It's fun, like a buddy cop show except with superheroes.

...I never know what to say here anymore, I post all my stream-of-conscience and babbling on Plurk these days.

Meme... thing.

tarnera — Sat, 08 Oct 2011 20:11:03 GMT

The Character Expression Meme
Character: Ginko
Journal: iattractmushi, verdant_walker
RPG: Edensphere, Kannagara

happy	sad	angry	scared

disgusted	surprised	flirty	sexual

confused	shy	playful	rage

hurt	guilty	bored	laughing

sarcastic	tired	wtf	pride

sympathy	evil	innocent	in love

hopeful	smug	lost	fave

Yeah, I cheated with him. Lol.

The Character Expression Meme
Character: Romanadvoratrelundar II
Journal: burntorangesky
RPG: Edensphere

happy	sad	angry	scared

disgusted	surprised	flirty	sexual

confused	shy	playful	rage

hurt	guilty	bored	laughing

sarcastic	tired	wtf	pride

sympathy	evil	innocent	in love

hopeful	smug	lost	fave

Cross Stitch Update

tarnera — Sat, 08 Oct 2011 16:02:37 GMT

...wow, it's been over a year since I bothered taking pictures of my stuff. o_o

That's so weird... anyway, I've been cross stitching off and on that whole time, though I can't be sure what I've worked on. I'm sure I've forgotten a thing or two, but I'll try to take pictures of those things as I find them.

Anyway... My last update, one year ago.

He's got a little more to him now, but maybe not as much as I could have done... I've been a little distracted.

Mostly by starting a brand-new project. She's halfway done and looking pretty (even if I'm not sure what colors to use for back-stitching, I managed to mislay that part of the instructions *weeps*)

And finally, another new(er) project, and the one I'm working on currently.

I'm really happy with how it looks, heh.

Cross posted to cross_stitch

Random Things #103: Common courtesy? Or not

tarnera — Fri, 30 Sep 2011 19:38:16 GMT

I recently encountered something in the RP world. I was talking with a random person on Plurk; they seemed interested in the fact that I'm considering picking up Train Heartnet of Black Cat as a muse. Soon after, they friended me on Plurk, and I thought nothing of it--just someone who shares a common interest with me, wanting to talk more. So I went to friend them back.

But before I could, they pinged me on AIM. And as I was using Meebo at the time, their IM went through without the service asking me if I want to accept it.

Now, to clarify... I do not post my contact info anywhere, or at least I thought I hadn't. I hadn't told this person my AIM name. Upon my asking her how she got it, she said she'd gone into one of my character journals and pulled it off one of the apps I had posted there. I had not intended that to be a contact info post; in fact, I had intended to delete that part of the app, and I did soon after. But the simple fact that she had looked up my character in this game, gone into said character's journals, and looked through them on the off chance I might have contact info somewhere in there...

Personally, I find this rather creepy, disturbing, and stalker-ish. But she seemed nice enough, so I tried to ignore the feelings in favor of talking with her about this particular game.

However, last night one of the mods at a game I play at was approached in much the same manner. Someone had seen her around LJRP, gone into her character journal, and pulled the info off a game app that was never intended to be a contact post. The mod in question had, just like I had, intended to remove this info, and had simply forgotten about it, being both a mod and busy with RL as well.

But the real issue of this situation? Is that the mod Plurked about it. And several people, including myself, weighed in, saying how they also found it creepy, and that was all fine and dandy. But then other people turned up. People who said things like 'There's nothing wrong with people IMing out of the blue!' and 'RP is a collaborative thing' and 'What, do you not want people to talk to you?' ...and basically making me feel like I was being attacked for my very reasonable, imo, attitude.

I'm not saying people can't talk to me. But there are so many ways to do that--all of my journals are able to accept PMs, I have many superfluous journal posts, such as an HMD, IC voicemail, and others that they could easily have commented to. Heck, they could have waited the two seconds it took me to friend them back on Plurk--I was going to, since I did recognize their Plurk name. Furthermore, I don't protest if game-mates contact me this way, since game-contact info is there for a reason. But this person I had talked to for maybe two seconds chose to go in, find my info in a way I was not expecting, and AIM me without even asking.

I ask you, f-list. Is this normal? Am I being unreasonable and bitchy? Or do I have every right to be upset that someone did this?

Because I am upset. So upset that I am now considering changing my AIM name, which is sad because I've had that one forever and all my RL friends know it. But this series of events has made it difficult for me to keep using it--especially since the person who contacted me is on invisibly most of the time, so I'll never know if she's there or not.

EDIT: Since posting this, I have blocked the person on AIM and defriended them from my Plurk. This is, perhaps, a hasty way to deal.... but I was honestly so upset at the time I wasn't thinking all that clearly. I just wanted some space to feel comfortable again.

Random Things #102: Tideland

tarnera — Wed, 21 Sep 2011 09:39:17 GMT

A friend of mine was talking about this movie on Plurk today, and despite the majority of reviews being negative, I decided to give it a watch anyway. Here are my thoughts on it.

The entire film is, in my very humble opinion, quite well done. It is done from the perspective of a child--one Miss Jeliza-Rose. After her mother dies from... I'm pretty sure it was a drug overdose of some sort, though the dialogue left that incredibly unclear in the movie... she and her father take off to the middle of nowhere, since her dad (a drug addict himself) fears the authorities will take his daughter away. Jeliza-Rose herself is incredibly unaffected by her mother's death, though from what little I saw the woman wasn't much of a mother. So perhaps that can be forgiven.

Once at the house that (supposedly) belonged to Jeliza-Rose's grandmother, her father overdoses on some drug, heroin most likely, and dies himself, leaving her to run around and play games of imagination all day--since she believes her father is just 'on vacation' and never seems to realize he's actually died. This part is mostly interesting because of the things she imagines, and her doll's heads, which she wears on her fingers and seem to take on bits of her personality--one doll egging her on while the other protests 'No, no, I'm scared!' all in Jeliza-Rose's voice, of course.

The main protests seem to be about what happens between Jeliza-Rose and her new neighbors--a mentally challenged man, who claims to be a submarine captain (the 'sea' being the prairie grass and his 'submarine' being a collection of tarps draped over a tree), and his sister, a woman who is allergic to bees. Once they discover she's living alone with her dead (and decomposing) father, Dell (the sister) uses her skills in taxidermy to preserve him--we also get some hints that maybe Dell used to know, and love, Jeliza-Rose's father. And Jeliza-Rose decides she's in love with Dickens, the man.

Keep in mind, this is a little girl, maybe ten years old, playing 'let's pretend' with a man who might be easily twice her age, but isn't too much older mentally. Despite the fact that they kiss several times, I still think this is perfectly plausible for the film, since it's being told from a 10-year-old's perspective. She gets a person who will not only play her games with her, but will do it willingly. He pays attention to her. In her experience, people who pay attention to her love her--after all, her parents paid attention (when they were sober and wanted something) and her parents loved her, right? And if he wants to kiss her, that's all right. After all, that's what boyfriends and girlfriends do, there's nothing wrong with that. She simply doesn't understand that there's more to it than that, and I think the film did a wonderful job portraying that side of things--that is, they would get interrupted every time things looked like they were about to take a turn for the badness.

All in all, I really enjoyed this film. I loved the brief blurrings of reality where her dreams or imaginings would take over, and in some cases it was very difficult to determine what was real and what wasn't. I especially liked that part, actually--it reminded me a great deal of the games I used to play, and the way I was in general, as a kid.

In conclusion, while it's clear not everyone likes this film, I think it's well worth a watch--as long as you try to remember what it was like to be a child, and keep in mind that it's being told from that perspective.

Random Things #100: Holy mackerel, Batman

tarnera — Sat, 11 Jun 2011 03:16:29 GMT

Two posts in as many days! That's got to be a record or something.

But it just goes to show how little I use this thing anymore--I am leaving, tomorrow at 7 am, for a family trip out of the country. I won't be back in the states for three weeks, but I'll probably start using this as an actual blogging device again--talking about my travels and maybe posting pictures, too. So if you suddenly start seeing more from me... well, I'm sure you'll figure it out when I start posting pictures of touristy things.

Should be fun, though!

Random Things #99: OMG WTF BBQ

tarnera — Fri, 10 Jun 2011 07:24:27 GMT

Lj what are you doing.

No, seriously. What the fuck are you doing.

I am not pleased with this. At all. LJ seriously needs to reconsider what it is doing. Most of the people I interact with online are not at all cool with this--especially since this new feature registers a far more accurate location than the IP address does.

My IP logging, thankfully, has always been turned off. Because this feature? Also prevents you from erasing whatever IP logs have already shown up on your journal.

Way to go, LJ. Keep pushing. I'm sure you'll transform into a beautiful FButterfly, and we'll all go to IJ or DW or somewhere.

April Plotting Post

tarnera — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 18:57:49 GMT

Because I can.

And because just about all of the people who have my journal friended are either not gamers or not in any of my games...

Starting with edensphere

Tentative goals for Fred (burntorangesky)

1.Hang out moar with Spamily (Genius, Richard Castle, Gai, Bell, Lyle). I'd like to do a log or two even, if we (or just some of us) can find the time.
2.Start getting more into meta stuff. She explored the unattached islands, in a limited way that I just handwaved, the one time she was weightless; the one island that kept rejecting her (library) intrigued her. Evil Twin, memory dust, and podpeople have stopped her from really investigating that, though. Now that things have calmed down, she'll probably start being curious about it.
3.Give her another memory crystal--decided upon one where she meets a human(?) who looks like her, and learns a bit about cross stitch/embroidery.
4.Update CR page, logs links.

Events:

Rainbow Sheep - No real plans for them, except during the sleep disorder event.

Dreamsharing - I have one dream written for her; I want to take another look at it, maybe give Lyle, Gai, and Bell more fitting weapons, something that fits their personality or Fred's perception of them. I.e., Castle got a pen, Genius has Tribble. I may write another dream if I can think of one--maybe a nightmare this time.

Not scheduled for any dream in particular right now; I'll throw her at any that look good. Gai's for sure, probably any Spamily dream.

Sleep disorders - I was going to make her narcoleptic from the 16th-20th. Anyone want to witness Fred randomly falling asleep? Also, since she'll have more trouble sleeping at night during this time, she will at times have a herd of sheep following her around. No plans at this time for the 22nd-25th.

Tentative goals for Cloud (iattractmushi)

1.Do something with the few people he counts as 'friend' (Sniper, Krile, Castor, Bellflower, somewhat Hawk).
2.Get more CR, possibly with new people.
3.Give him another memory crystal--at a time when he can reasonably hide away from people. GJ, mods, you finally gave him a punishment he doesn't want to be seen in public with. Memory of light river, from childhood? Maybe.
4.Update CR page, logs links.

Events:

Rainbow sheep - Since he occasionally has trouble sleeping normally, give him a herd at some point.

Dreamsharing - Semi-related to the sheep... he will be having a nightmare, or at least a very disturbing dream, at some point in this. I just have to come up with an idea and write it.

Again, I didn't have anyone in mind whose dream he was going to for-sure see, but I'll toss him at a few that look interesting.

Sleep disorders - I wasn't going to do anything with this, but then it occurred to me that it would be mildly amusing to give him snoring from the 22nd-25th. Mostly since no one would notice. No plans for the first time, though.

And over at kannagara_rpg

Tentative plans for Ginko (verdant_walker)

1.Get him a job. I'm thinking he'd do something he actually does in canon--that is, sell medicines. He would make these himself, and sell them to anyone who wanted to buy, Celestial or Otherworlder. Probably most of his clients would end up being Celestial, really... >_>
2.Get him to meet up with the nomads. Not only would they be protection from animals and other Celestials, but it would be a (pleasant) reminder of the people he traveled around with as a child. They could also teach him more about the plants and medicines of Kannagara.
3.More CR. Especially with the few Ancient Japan people that are in Kanna now. Expand CR with people he's already met?
4.Run into a Night Fury. Make calm post informing people about dragons.
5.Finish writing his keeping-track-of-everything entry, maybe do a CR page.

Events:

Sakura Festival - I plan to have him attend, but since he's (probably) nowhere near that, it's hard to say just how he'll get there.

If nothing else, he can just decide to go there on a whim, idk.

EDIT now that I've seen more info about it...

So, it's obvious he'll hear about it, lol. He'll probably turn up the first day--he's always happy to get a free meal. No idea what he'll do, but I'll have him tag in somewhere. :|a

Random Things #98: World-making

tarnera — Sun, 20 Mar 2011 21:42:03 GMT

I have lately been reading a book called Incarceron, by Catherine Fisher. I highly recommend it to anyone who likes... idk what genre of book this is. But I highly recommend it all the same.

Anyway, I bring it up because I really really want a game based on this world. Specifically, the Prison aspect of it.

Here's how I think it would work...

Scum, Civicry: Most of the people in the Prison. These are people born there, who have lived their whole lives there. They would need to be NPC's or possibly AU's, of course. OC's would also work.

Civicry - More-or-less civilized people who live in bands, traveling around the Prison. They have the best food, a basic monetary system, clothing.

Scum - Like what their name implies, they tend to live off others. Ambushing the Civicry to sustain themselves, so on and so forth.

Prisoners: The Prison hasn't had new Prisoners for a long time, but now for some reason they're turning up. These would be AU's, OU's, or OC's who were for some unexplained reason transported here.

Cellborn: Now this is why I want this to be a game. The Cellborn are created by the Prison. They are born of it; they have no name but what the Prison gave them, no memories before waking in their cell. They can be born any age. However... they receive images, visions that the Prisoners say are the Prison communicating with the Cellborn. The visions seem familiar to the Cellborn, like they are something from their past, somehow forgotten...

The Cellborn may try to claim they're really from Outside. But everyone knows the Cellborn are crazy. Any visions they receive will most likely be dismissed as insanity by the Prisoners.

So, OU's or OC's, memory-wiped.

The point of the game would be to try and escape the Prison, of course. But never forget, Prisoners... the Prison is alive. And it is watching you.

I have NO IDEA how this game would work, and I know I would make a terrible mod. Lol. But I... I really, really want it to, now.

The Idea of a Promise

tarnera — Mon, 07 Mar 2011 18:12:31 GMT

Title: The Idea of a Promise
Author: tarnera
Appearing in this work: Ginko, Tanyuu, Kumado. Vaguely shippish Ginko/Tanyuu, Kumado/Tanyuu but not really.
Spoilers/Timeline: Chapter 7, Chapter 35
Rating: None.
Summary: Ginko isn't normally the type to hope for things that can't be, but he made an exception this once.
Disclaimer: I own nothing save my crazy theories.
Author's Note: I wrote this as one of the samples for an RP game I'm in. But I think it works nicely as a stand-alone drabble.

She had promised him, years ago. Well. They had promised each other. That her leg would heal, and he would survive, and they would travel together. And he knew that it wasn't a real promise, really he did... that they had been half-joking, bantering when the words were said.

But that didn't stop him from--somewhere deep in his soul, or maybe just the back of his mind--holding out a shred of hope that one day, in the far-distant and unknown future, she might travel with him. It was always there; he would often think about it on the edge between waking and sleep, or when he was too tired to stop his mind from wandering where it shouldn't go. The hope of the idea of the promise kept him warm in winter, kept him going when he was too tired to go on, and at least in one case, kept him alive when he could have given up. Probably would have. The thought of seeing her again, and renewing the promise... he kept the tiny bit of hope alive for years.

Then, one bright autumn day, she says those words. "I am prepared to live out my life with this mushi." And it shouldn't hurt, hearing those words, hearing her... not give up, because it isn't a promise. It never had been. So it shouldn't hurt. But it does. Hearing his hope, the joking, bantering half-promise just swept aside like it is nothing at all. And she looks at Kumado--Kumado of all people--and says the words he can't admit, not even to himself, he was hoping to hear all this time... "You and I are not going it alone."

And he listens to the wind whistle through the grass and over the hills as he carefully shuts away the hope and the longing. Carefully tells himself it doesn't matter, because he doesn't love her. He can't; the promise was the only way they could make it work between Tanyuu, who stays in once place, and Ginko, who never stays put. But that's over now. It's all over.

So he smiles as she gives him a cup of tea, and banters with her. Everything is just as normal; nothing has changed.

Except everything has.

Random Things #97: Blah blah update

tarnera — Tue, 01 Mar 2011 08:14:19 GMT

My paid acct ran out. Blah.

Oh well, I don't exactly have the money for it right now anyway, and since I only use it, like, once a month if that it's really not worth the expense.

Anyway... it is long past time I posted some of the songs I have floating around for my various RP characters. I want to put them in a place I can find them again easily, because lol, memory like a freaking goldfish.

Ginko (of Mushishi). Or as he's known in the particular memory loss game I'm part of, Cloud.

Feather Moon, by Vienna Teng. The lyrics just fit so very well. If you know Mushishi, you'd agree with me. Or not, w/e.

Harbor, also by Vienna Teng. Now, this song is a bit shippy and he's not really that kind of character, but I can see it applying (platonically) to any of his friends in canon--Adashino, Tanyuu, even Isaza. But more the first two. In ES, I'd say it applies a bit more... romantically toward Bellflower (Unohana Retsu of Bleach). But it probably won't go anywhere, ahah /pats Ginko.

...I like to think of this as my Ginko/Tanyuu song. Baaaaaw.

Iiiiiii guess I'll include this one, though only the first half really fits. But this is definitely ES Ginko.

The Tower, by Vienna Teng once again. This song is probably the most fitting song I've been able to find for him so far. It's just... so him. And so very baaaw, in subtle ways, which also fits him so very well.

And of course, I can't let any Mushishi/music spam post go without posting some obligatory awesome.

...also, so poor Romana isn't neglected, I think this is a pretty good Romana/4 song:

Gravity, Vienna Teng.

Hmm. I think I'm sensing a theme of sorts here.

Master Character Journal List (RP)

tarnera — Mon, 03 Jan 2011 07:04:19 GMT

This is subject to change at any time.

At edensphere:

Doctor Who:
burntorangesky = Romanadvoratrelundar II (called Fred in-game)

Mushishi:
iattractmushi = Ginko (called Cloud in-game)

At Kannagara:

Mushishi:
verdant_walker = Ginko

Homeless:

Black Cat:

stray_gunman = Train Heartnet

Doctor Who:

2nd_romana = Romanadvoratrelundar II (with memories)
prydonian_child = Romana (?) as a child

D. Gray-Man:

seal_of_flame = Lavi

Misfits:

takeu2thevet = Nathan Young

Mushishi:

eatenbylight = bb Ginko

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic:

wallowsinstyle = Rarity

One Piece:

paymeyouoweme = Namizou (Genderswapped AU)
callmemr_prince = Sanji

Peanuts:

lil_yellow_bird = Woodstock

Star Trek:

collective_of_1 = Seven of Nine

Crossover AU's

Mushishi/Star Wars:

zenest_jedi = G'in-ko

My Little Pony: FiM/Doctor Who:

myliltimelord =

50 Ginko-centric Sentences

tarnera — Tue, 28 Dec 2010 20:24:54 GMT

Title: 50 Ginko-centric Sentences
Author: tarnera
Appearing in this work: Ginko. Mentions of Adashino, Tanyuu, a few unnamed random people.
Spoilers/Timeline: Various.
Rating: None.
Summary: 50 sentences about Ginko.
Disclaimer: I own nothing save my crazy theories.
Author's Note: These aren't in any particular order; one from his youth can be right next to one from his adult life. I got the prompts from the 1sentence comm (which seems to be pretty much dead), and I used theme set Gamma here.

1.Ring

He still remembers the first time he encountered Them, a ring of light shining in the true darkness; he won't forget Them, or what They did for him, for as long as he lives.

2.Hero

She smiles at him, her dark eyes glistening with more than simple tears of gratitude and he knows it's time to move on, before he becomes something more than a hero--or something less.

3.Memory

Memory is a tricky, slippery, tenuous thing, Ginko's decided over the years; occasionally he's haunted by the idea that whatever stole it away from him as a boy might come back someday to do it again.

4.Box

It's more than just a box; it's kept him (kind of) dry, kept him fed, kept him from getting lost, and kept him company over all the years he's been wandering--at this point, it's the closest thing he'll ever have to a home.

5.Run

He hadn't been expecting the thing to be that powerful; as his feet pound the ground, he thanks everything there is that he was alone this time--and makes a mental note not to be so careless ever again, if he gets out of this one alive.

6.Hurricane

It's kind of awe-inspiring in its raw power--something he would have the attention and concentration to appreciate a hell of a lot more if he wasn't currently stuck in the middle of the storm.

7.Wings

He steps out onto the field and there's a soft explosion--he's surrounded by feathers and alarmed cries as thousands of birds, startled by his sudden appearance from the wood, burst into flight all around him.

8.Cold

The mushi is cold between his fingers, a strange thing on a day this warm, and he carefully pours it into a jar before it can melt--or cause yet another person to freeze to death at the height of summer.

9.Red

He stares at his hand, red with blood, and hopes his stomach will behave--this isn't the first time he's failed to do something, but he's never seen a dead body before.

10.Drink

When Adashino pulls out the sake, he says, "Well, maybe just one before I go," knowing full-well that he's just agreed to stay for the night.

11.Midnight

He peers up at the moon; it's a nice, balmy night, but he should think about finding shelter soon...tempting as it is, he really doesn't want to walk on until dawn.

12.Temptation

When she offers him a place for the night, he reluctantly declines; while she's both very pretty and clearly willing, she's also a bit young, and it's been too long since he's been around people.

13.View

He stands on the porch of his new friend's house, eyebrow raised--"Quite a view, Sensei, hard to believe a simple country doctor like yourself could afford this,"--and he turns his head slightly to hide the smirk at the loud protest his comment provokes.

14.Music

He has to agree that Adashino's latest purchase is quite an interesting machine, but somehow the phonograph just doesn't compare to the sound of cicadas as he's lying half-asleep in a field.

15.Silk

"What do you think?" Tanyuu asks, trailing the sleeve of her kimono across his hand so he can feel the texture; he nods silently, smiling a little, afraid to speak lest his tongue betray what he really thinks about the way it looks on her.

16. Cover

The trees are the shining green color of life this time of year; he forces his way through the unusually thick ground cover, and breathes in the clean, heady green scent of crushed plants gratefully.

17.Promise

They made the promise years ago--he would survive, and she would go with him--but it only hurts a little when she finally breaks it; he's known for years, in the back of his mind, that it would never happen.

18.Dream

Sometimes, when he wakes to find himself surrounded by mushi, he isn't sure whether he's awake--or just dreaming he's awake.

19.Candle

He doesn't need the light, but as the young boy peers fearfully into the darkness before shuffling closer to him, he's glad he brought it after all.

20.Talent

When various people ask him if he regrets being able to see mushi, curses his fate that he attracts them, he simply shrugs and says, "That's just the way it is."

21.Silence

There's nothing quieter than a mountain pass covered in snow in the dead of winter, and nothing nicer than seeing a warm, well-lit house to shelter in at the end of it.

22.Journey

It's not a single journey--journeys have a place they start, and a place they ultimately end, after all--it's more like a series of journeys, one sliding seamlessly into the next, winding their way into tomorrow.

23.Fire

He adds another piece of wood to the fire, and frowns across it at the man he pulled out of the icy water; since the man claims to be a doctor, Ginko thinks he should know better than to fall in streams in the middle of winter.

24.Strength

Another shudder runs through her body as the words slowly ooze onto the scroll, and Ginko waits for her to finish, ready to pull out the futon, or carry her out to the hills, or whatever she likes; it's the least he can do, for the sacrifice she accepts so readily, though it wasn't one she chose to make.

25.Mask

Faint smile, little scowl, low chuckle, broad smirk, slight frown--it's all a living mask for how he really feels; only a few have been privileged to see that mask crack and drop away, leaving behind raw and tender emotions that he isn't quite sure how to handle most of the time.

26.Ice

A waterfall, literally frozen in time; he takes a few moments to observe its silent beauty before turning away to move on--mushi aren't responsible for this, so he should be moving on.

27.Fall

Whenever he's walking through a bamboo forest and the leaves are falling all around him, he can't help but remember the one time he became trapped in one... and he wonders what finally happened to that man, if he left the forest at last--or if he's still there, waiting.

28.Forgotten

Sometimes Adashino thinks that Ginko tries not to form bonds because he wants to leave as little traces as possible behind him when he finally makes that fatal mistake.

29.Dance

There are days when he appreciates the nature he's been given, days when it's more a blessing than a curse, when he's privileged to catch sight of an especially rare or beautiful mushi out in the open; when there's no one to rescue and no one to cure, and the only thing he 'has' to do is watch as it carves mysterious and lacy patterns through the air.

30.Body

Adashino claimed the bottle of 'wine' he had gotten from Dutch sailors had 'body', whatever that meant, but Ginko just smiled and said he'd stick to sake.

31.Sacred

There was nothing more sacred, in Ginko's opinion, than life; no matter if it's human, animal, or mushi, nothing truly deserved to die.

32.Farewells

Adashino has never liked saying goodbye to Ginko, and that hasn't changed; he stands in front of the simple grave for what feels like forever before he turns to make his way down the cliff once more, all the words he wants to say, shout, stuck in his throat--what's the point, after all, when the person he wants to say them to can never hear them now?

33.World

"The entire world as a whole is your home"--kind words from a kind man; they allow him to go on living, and, the best gift of all, they give him something to live for.

34.Formal

He bows his head deeply to the latest adult, hoping that if he's good enough, polite enough, helpful enough, eager enough, something enough... maybe this time he'll be allowed to stay a little longer than a week.

35.Fever

His face hot and probably a little flushed, he scowls up at Adashino as the doctor lectures him on the wisdom of bringing an umbrella with him--or at the very least, having the sense to come in out of the rain.

36.Laugh

The first time he coaxes a laugh out of Karibusa Tanyuu-san, he feels more rewarded than if she had given him access to a hundred libraries.

37.Lies

Lies aren't necessarily bad, in Ginko's experience; like many things, the trick is not the thing itself, but how and why you use it, and what you're using it for.

38.Forever

If he had to say what his greatest fear would be, it might be living forever; since if that ever happens, he likely wouldn't be human any longer.

39.Overwhelmed

The first time he tries to deal with a mushi, he is terrified to suddenly realize so many lives are in his hands; the creature successfully dealt with and three miles down the road, his hands are still shaking as he tries to light a cigarette.

40.Whisper

The sound of mushi calling to him is always in his ears, even when he's among humans; in fact, it's often loudest there.

41.Wait

Tanyuu has no choice but to wait for Ginko; she couldn't possibly go with him, but she knows Ginko will always come back to visit his most patient and attentive audience.

42.Talk

If there is one thing Ginko likes more than mushi, it's hearing the sound of his own voice as he tells someone else about a particularly interesting one.

43.Search

On the few occasions people doubt his reason for traveling the way he does, he just shrugs; he hasn't needed a reason to move on, besides the obvious one, for years.

44.Hope

No matter how far he travels, what he sees and experiences, Ginko will never stop believing in the idea that most humans are pretty decent people, when you get right down to it.

45.Eclipse

It's a beautiful phenomenon, Ginko muses as he watches the moon slowly go a deep reddish-brown; the only thing that would make this perfect if he was able to show Tanyuu-san the beauty of it, too.

46.Gravity

There's a second of surprise as his foot slips against the snow-covered rock, and then a moment of timelessness, where everything is frozen--and then he's falling, bare fingers scraping painfully against rocks in a vain attempt to stop himself.

47.Highway

As good as he is at what he does, and as nice as it is to be able to make the correct diagnosis most of the time... there are times when he's really, really sorry that he's right as often as he is.

48.Unknown

The way he lives, with one foot in this world and one foot in the mushi world, sometimes serves to make him feel far less than human; it's days like that when he seeks out a village, and spends some time among people.

49.Lock

He scowls into one of the drawers of his box--looks like if he wants to stay the night at Adashino's place ever again, he has to find a better way of keeping the doctor from curiously pawing through his things.

50.Breathe

The feel of air being pulled and pushed in and out of his lungs, sometimes accompanied by herbal, slightly bitter-tasting smoke--even more than a heartbeat, it assures him he's alive.

Random Things #90: Summing some things up

tarnera — Mon, 01 Nov 2010 22:23:02 GMT

Tomorrow, it's the election--finally. I am so sick of all the campaign ads, of all the disgusting mudslinging on all sides, of getting sucked (or maybe that should be 'suckered') into canvassing and calling people. Never doing that again, god.

But that's not what I'm here to talk about. I could care less about the election--I'm going to vote, of course, but it's just not that important to me.

Tomorrow is the one-year anniversary of my grandpa's death.

I'm not exactly sad about his death; I never have been. Sure, I'm sorry he died, but it was so painful watching him fade toward the end, watching the strength and mental prowess he was so proud of being stripped away, slowly. In many ways, I'm grateful he went while he still had some command of his faculties. It would have broken my heart if we'd had to put him in a Home.

It's a strange feeling. Just one year. I can remember typing up a post about his death in the library of SIUE just after learning about it, and to me it feels like it should be much longer, so much has happened to me since then. I've ~~quit~~ gotten out of school, moved to a state more than a day away from my old home, and have been pretty much uprooted from all my friends and familiar places. I still have my online friends, thank goodness (ilu guys), but it's been a little hard at times.

But I finally got a job, which helps tremendously. My parents aren't constantly nagging me to fill out job apps now... tomorrow is my first day. I start at 4:15 in the afternoon. It's a sushi place, very small, with a good atmosphere. I just went shopping for a ton of black shirts and pants, since the dress code is all black stuff. I felt weird putting it up on the check-out counter, like I was going into mourning or something... at least I'll be wearing the appropriate color for tomorrow :)

I hope I'll do well there *crosses fingers*

tarnera — Thu, 28 Oct 2010 03:22:02 GMT

Wow, it's been a while since I wrote a fanfic... but I finally managed to hash one out ~~even if it did take me a month, orz~~

Title: Yaminogensou
Author: tarnera
Appearing in this work: Ginko.
Spoilers/Timeline: No timeline, vague spoiler-like things for Io, Suzu.
Word Count: 1,254
Rating: PG? I guess.
Summary: Ginko is trying to investigate a strange mushi.
Disclaimer: I own nothing save my crazy theories.
Author's Note: This was written for a fic exchange in the community mushishi. The title is supposed to mean 'illusion of darkness'.
Prompt: Trapped in an endless maze of nightmares.

Step… step… step… the sound of footsteps against stone, echoing slightly in the dark.

Step… step… step… how long had he been walking? He didn't know. Maybe an hour or two?

Step… step… step… it was strange. He couldn’t see anything, nothing at all, except the dark, yet his feet didn't stumble over any loose rocks, though he did kick them away occasionally. He didn’t run into anything, either. He was walking confidently through a place he had never been before, in total darkness. And he had no idea how he'd gotten here.

Step… step… st—Ginko tripped over something and went sprawling, unable to stop himself from pitching forward in the blackness. He caught himself on his hands; luckily, there wasn't anything sharp beneath them. It felt like he'd landed on powdery sand. After a moment he started feeling around on the stone, trying to find what had tripped him. He moved slowly, feeling oddly vulnerable—he was used to being able to see pretty well in the dark, and suddenly not having that very useful ability was strange. He felt his hands move over cold stone, loose rocks, small things that moved away from his hand quickly, and finally, something smooth and cool with a jagged edge. That was what had tripped him. He felt it carefully, where it was wedged into the stone floor… bone. It felt like one of the heavy ones, maybe a thigh bone. He couldn't be sure if it was human or not, thought it felt about the right size to be an adult man’s.

Either way, it stirred something in the back of his mind, the reason he was here. People, talking to him, asking him to… that's right, villagers in a nearby settlement. He'd stopped there for supplies, and to see if someone would put him up for the night. They had told him there was no food to sell—something about the game being scarce in this area—but they had also told him about this cave… system of caves, he corrected himself, grimly. They had said that every now and then, people would go to the caves. That these people couldn’t be stopped, and that they never came back. It had sounded suspicious to him, and now that he was more alert, he was certain this was the work of a mushi. It was an especially insidious one; the trance had snuck up on him, and he hadn't even noticed it.

Without getting up, he reached into his pocket for a cigarette and his matches. Lighting it, the match an almost-painful flare of brightness in the dark, he inhaled deeply. What was left of the mushi trance fogging his mind vanished. "That's better," he muttered, then got to his feet carefully. He still couldn't see… well, the villagers had thought of that, at least. He felt in his other pocket and pulled the candle they had insisted he take with him. Too bad he didn't have a lantern to put it in, but he'd make do.

The light from the candle was unnaturally dim in the darkness, but it was better than being completely blind. Ginko took a moment to look around the cave he was currently in before he walked on. Bones were scattered over the floor, human, animal… well, that would explain why there was so little game in this area. It looked like the mushi didn't care what it ate. Ginko saw snake, deer, bat, and a large number of rodent skeletons, as well as at least two human skeletons. All the skeletons in this area were very old. Probably the mushi had lived here for a while, and then retreated deeper into the cave system for some reason… Ginko frowned slightly, thoughtfully. He would like to know why the mushi had left this place. It might give him some clues as to what kind of mushi it was.

But he clearly wouldn't learn that by just standing here. Moving carefully, minding his step now that he didn't have the mushi's siren call telling him where to go, he moved deeper into the cave.

He found a chunk of stone after a moment and started marking his path by scratching an arrow deep into the walls, pointing back the way he’d come. He wasn’t sure he would be able to find his way out again later, if he didn’t.

In the semi-darkness there was no way for Ginko to tell exactly how long he walked along, occasionally marking the walls—though judging by the candle, it was probably about half an hour. He lit a fresh cigarette every time he finished his old one, not wanting to risk the mushi getting a hold on him again. He might not be lucky enough to get out of its hold the next time. He didn’t notice any other skeletons, though he couldn’t be sure there weren’t any; his candle wasn’t growing any brighter. If anything the light seemed to be getting a little dimmer, though he couldn’t be sure that wasn’t just his eye playing tricks on him.

Finally, the dim pool of light something on the wall just ahead of him. He moved closer, bringing up the candle to see what it was more clearly.

It was one of his arrows. “Did I just go in a circle?” he muttered aloud, around his cigarette.

There was a soft laugh, right behind him. Ginko froze for a split second then turned slowly. “Is someone there?” He couldn’t see anyone, but given the conditions of this cave, that didn’t surprise Ginko much.

A movement caught his eye further away, which did surprise him a little. He turned his head to look at whatever it was more fully… the silhouette of a person. They ducked behind something almost as soon as he looked at them, but he was left with the impression of green hair… he blinked, and slowly walked to where he thought he’d seen them. “That can’t be right…” The only person he’d met with green hair was miles from here… and she didn’t have that hair color any longer. “But it looked just like her… huh.”

Something touched his arm. He tilted the candle a little, causing hot wax to drip to the floor of the cave. He couldn’t see anything, but there was definitely the feeling of something touching his arm. The sensation moved up his arm, slowly… it felt like someone’s hand. Something brushed against the back of his neck, moving his hair out of the way to touch the skin… he finally decided, as the ‘hand’ moved to caress his chest, that it felt like someone was standing behind him, and… he moved abruptly, taking several steps to the side.

The ghostly sensations vanished, but soft, childish laughter took their place. He saw several darts of movement out of the corner of his eye, but he refused to look at them. Glancing down at his candle instead, he saw that he had been wrong. It hadn’t been a trick of his eye; the light really was dimmer than it had been.

“What… am I supposed to do now?” The despairing words were murmured in his ear. “…Suzu?” When had she said that?

The candle guttered in his hand as though a sudden breeze had sprung up, but the air was still as ever. He found himself holding his breath as the candle guttered again, steadied, and then…

…went out completely.

Mocking laughter filled the darkness.

“…Mushi master…”

Cross stitch update

tarnera — Sun, 01 Aug 2010 21:10:07 GMT

...wow, it's been forever since I posted one of these. Not that I haven't been sewing! But I've been busy, and also I mislaid my camera computer cord. Turns out it was in my camera case, which is an excellent, safe, and smart place for it to be, and also why I didn't look for it there.

Last update"

It's amazing what at least four months of on-and-off work will produce.

A closeup of the smoke, which I actually took some weeks before the previous picture...

And a closer, slightly angled picture of the dragon as he is so far.

Last update

I guess it's been a while since I took a picture of this one, too. It's actually a lot more done than this.

Cross-posted to cross_stitch

Random Things #82: pulls hair out

tarnera — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 00:07:29 GMT

...ok, seriously, self? You need to post more than once a month. It's not that hard. You don't even have a real job. /punts self

*ahem* A-anyway. Yet another update on my move... it looks like we're finally, FINALLY getting our shit together about this whole thing... on Sunday, me and my dad are going to take another truckload of stuff up to South Dakota. We did this two weeks ago, and it worked out really, really well--this time, we're taking a bigger truck, and hoping to get the last of the stuff in our house that can be taken before the final moving-the-people move. The carpet goes in on Monday. The bathrooms are almost finished--that took long enough. And almost everything that can/will be packed is packed.

Really... as much as I'm going to miss my friends here--and I will miss them terribly--it's. Kind of a relief to be moving at last. There's certainly going to be less stress if I'm not working on painting baseboards, or replacing switches/outlits (yay, wiring hot--seriously, don't do that at home, kids :\ ), or helping my mother go through the ton of crap we have in our basement and attic that we probably should have gotten rid of ten years ago. And I want a job. I want moneyies. I'm tired of mooching off my folks (even though I am working for them, so it's not technically mooching). And having something to do with my day will stop my dad from complaining about my addiction to the internet, since I'll be visibly not connected to it all the time.

A whole summer of packing/moving is annoying. I just want this over with.

Random Things #81: Apparently our move is caught in a fold of space/time

tarnera — Wed, 30 Jun 2010 16:03:06 GMT

Jeez, it seems like all I ever post about lately is how I never post anything, or how I have nothing to post about. That, and memes. Let's see... looks like last post I mentioned that we were hoping to put the house on the market and move by early June.

Hah.

Hahahah.

HAHAHAHAH.

Um, no. No, that very much hasn't happened. At this point, I think we'll be lucky to get out of here by early AUGUST. We keep on finding problems... first, we were going to just replace one tile each in two of our bathrooms. In one of them (we'll call it the Blue Bathroom), they discovered termite damage. Ok, so we have to replace the floor, fine. We called in inspectors, the whole nine yards; they couldn't be sure, but they tentatively decided the damage was old, simply because they couldn't find any of the little critters.

And then when we were throwing out some of the damaged wood, a few baby termite-grub-things fell out.

DAMMIT.

So, call the inspectors back... now, the entire tile wall around the tub has to be ripped apart and replaced. -_-
Hopefully, that's all we have to do in the Blue Bathroom. I guess we should be grateful they didn't start chewing on the ceiling of the room below... that would have sucked, since we just payed to get that ceiling fixed.

Now, the other bathroom (we'll call it Pink). Its floor was fine, no damage or anything, but for as long as we've been living here, there's been a giant hole in the wall right about where the soap dish should be. Our theory is that someone possibly was falling or lost their balance somehow, grabbed the dish to stop themselves, and ripped it right out of the wall... anyway, turns out that the entire wall had dry rot all up and down the backside. So, that had to go. And because there was no way we'd ever match the tile (it was really pretty pink-with-white-spattering tile from the 60's), we had to take down the tile around the sink and replace that, too.

They're still working on finishing that one up (listens to the chorus of hammering and chiseling going on), but I think it's going to look pretty good when they get done.

The other thing we're stuck waiting on is the moving truck to move all our boxes and furniture and stuff out. Then we'll be able to get the new carpet in, since the people we're paying to do that can't carpet rooms full of stuff, of course.

Sometimes this thing feels like a complicated puzzle. Or one of those Traffic Jam games. You have to move this piece here before you can move that piece there, and so on and so forth.

But we're making progress, even though we keep on discovering things that need fixing. It's just taking longer than we'd hoped... *sigh*

Meme!

tarnera — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 01:38:56 GMT

Here's the Music In My Pants meme, snagged from swankivy

To play:

You take your music playlist in whatever your player is, and then you randomize it, hit shuffle, whatever. Then take the first 25 songs and list them. Then add the word "In My Pants" to the end of each song title, post it in your journal, and bold your favorite ones.

Here's my list!

1.Jennifer Warnes - Coming Back to You In My Pants
2.Murray Gold - Doomsday In My Pants
3.Mushishi Soundtrack - Akatsuki no Hebi (something like 'Snake of Red Dawn') In My Pants
4.Lady Gaga - Bad Romance In My Pants
5.David Fallis - Vray Dieu Il N'Est Si Doulce Chose (I have... no idea what this means) In My Pants
6.Black Book Soundtrack - The Black Book In My Pants
7.Les Miserables Soundtrack - Dog Eats Dog In My Pants
8.Nightwish - Wish I Had An Angel In My Pants
9.The Beatles - Getting Better In My Pants
10.Mushishi Soundtrack - Ri (Kotowari) (...no idea what this means. Fail.) In My Pants
11.Evita Soundtrack - Eva Beware of the City In My Pants
12.Rhapsody - Triumph for My Magic Steel In My Pants
13.Three Days Grace - Born Like This In My Pants
14.Mushishi Soundtrack - Haru to Usobuko (something like 'The Coming of a False Spring') In My Pants
15.Pentangle - Hunting Song In My Pants
16.Eminem - Fack In My Pants
17.Blind Guardian - Sadly Sings Destiny In My Pants
18.Reel Big Fish - I Want Your Girlfriend to Be My Girlfriend Too In My Pants
19.Blind Guardian - Straight Through the Mirror In My Pants
20.Owl City - Cave In In My Pants
21.ABBA - Fernando In My Pants
22.Torchwood Soundtrack - Eye Spy In My Pants
23.Sum 41 - The Bitter End In My Pants
24.Green Day - Wake Me Up When September Ends In My Pants
25.Mushishi Soundtrack - Yumeji (...I want to say something like 'Time of Dreaming' but I'm probably totally wrong) In My Pants

Random Things #80: Moving and stuff

tarnera — Sun, 09 May 2010 02:03:32 GMT

Heh, my dad expressed concern yesterday about the time I spend on my computer. He said he was worried I was getting addicted to the internet. I almost laughed in his face... not because he was wrong, but because I wanted to say 'no, I'm addicted to roleplaying, and LJ a bit.' He wasn't happy that I was amused at his concern, but oh well.

So today I barely got on at all. Mostly, I packed boxes.

I've been dreading this day for a while, really... the day I had to start packing up my room. Man... I knew I had a lot of stuff, but wow do I have a lot of stuff! I'm really not sure how I can possibly pack it all in boxes by Wednesday (which is when we're painting my room), but at least I have most of my books packed. When I complained to Dad that I wanted to keep some out to read, he told me to keep three and buy more if I run out. I told him that defeated the purpose of packing all my books.

My room is going to look so empty without bookshelves. It's already starting to look like it isn't mine.

We also finally moved all the furniture, which is kind of a pain because now I have nowhere to put my socks and stuff. But at least we're making progress... it's strange. I've had that dresser my whole life, and we just gave it to the Good Will. I sort of wonder if I'll miss it, as crappy as it was.

Going through all my stuff is like a flashback on my life... I discovered some old notes from the time I was at Bradley University, that a friend and I had written back and forth to each other during our biology class. I laughed so much... I miss her. I also found my frikin' Japanese/English dictionary that I've been missing for 6 months, gah. I'm SO HAPPY I found it, but annoyed that it took such an extreme clean-up to uncover it. I need to have a better system than the 'drop things on the floor' method, clearly.

We're hoping to have the house finished and on the market by early June, if not sooner, and that's about when I'll move to Souix Falls.

Man. Less than a month. How did that happen so fast?

Lost in my thoughts

WIP Teapots, Frog Pile

Cross Stitch

So I kinda lied just a bit...

Random Things #105: Of updates and LJ

Cross Stitch Update

Random Things #104: A joyful ramble through my mind

Meme... thing.

Cross Stitch Update

Random Things #103: Common courtesy? Or not

Random Things #102: Tideland

Random Things #100: Holy mackerel, Batman

Random Things #99: OMG WTF BBQ

April Plotting Post

Random Things #98: World-making

The Idea of a Promise

Random Things #97: Blah blah update

Master Character Journal List (RP)

50 Ginko-centric Sentences

Random Things #90: Summing some things up

Cross stitch update

Random Things #82: *pulls hair out*

Random Things #81: Apparently our move is caught in a fold of space/time

Meme!

Random Things #80: Moving and stuff

Random Things #82: pulls hair out