Tally Mark's Journal

Anthrocon, here we go!

tallymark — Thu, 14 Jun 2012 18:21:54 GMT

Life is kicking my butt. Work is a mess. Relationships are a mess. Some family stuff is going down. The end of my contract is impending. Debt is piling on. Career is floundering and flailing.

Trying to deal with all these things at once is leaving me bogged down in a mire of anxiety 24/7. Therefore, screw it. I'm taking the weekend off and I'm taking off. I've got an invite from some brony friends to caravan down to Anthrocon this weekend, and I'm DOING IT. Screw you, Boston! Screw you, complicated emotional entanglements! I'm roadtripping all night down to Pittsburgh! :D

I'm gonna meet my favorite fanasy artist and maybe buy a painting off her, see lots of great costumes and crazy animal art (Get your mind out of the gutter, you guys. Most of the furry fandom is not about kink, it's about cute fuzzy critters), and derp around in a new city.

So, I'm going to go clear my head for a few days, and THEN I'll set about getting my life back on track. :)

Spontaneous Convention Road Trip, here we go.

(On a completely unrelated note, I caught a Largemouth Bass at work today. Woot!).

Two art thefts in one week?! WTF?

tallymark — Tue, 08 May 2012 04:34:49 GMT

Oh hey, another art theft on Deviantart...someone applied a basic Photoshop filter to the image of my white dragon and then put it in their gallery claiming they painted it.

I am not amused, internet. I am not amused.

Art success & art fail

tallymark — Thu, 03 May 2012 04:37:25 GMT

Been so caught up in relationship drama that I forgot to mention I got a Daily Deviation last month! It's this thing on Deviantart where they feature a few pieces each day that stood out to them in some way. (if you ever get a thousand favs on an image overnight, you've probably got a daily deviation..). It's my second one, and seeing as I never thought I'd get just the one, I was pretty blown away.

It's my cheshire cat, here: http://tallydragon.deviantart.com/gallery/#/d2u5qga

However, not long after, I learned that the image of one of my early (and admittedly flawed) works made its way out into the internet without any accompanying information and...well, the internet did what the internet does. It first appeared on a site called 9gag ( http://9gag.com/gag/3807251 ), and most of the comments were pretty insulting, but most of the people also couldn't figure out that it was art. =/ I tried to inform them of the source of the image but was ignored. Fortunately I'm old enough to shrug it off. It was both amusing and offensive. The kinda fun part though is how many people commented with "Looks kind of like Discord!" (This is a My Little Pony reference. You know how I feel about My Little Pony! ). And not long after,it made its way onto Bronies memebase ( http://bronies.memebase.com/2012/04/13/my-little-pony-friendship-is-magic-brony-the-little-god-of-chaos/#postcomment
) with a hilarious caption. Being a big brony myself I'm totally okay with this one. ^__^

Buuuuut, another viewer just informed me that they found the image of my dragon uploaded into someone else's Deviantart gallery. Now THAT, I am not okay with. The person who uploaded it stated that it wasn't their art but did not link to me, and of course they didn't because I doubt they have any idea I made it. (They shouldn't have done it anyway--it's clearly art, and they clearly didn't make it, so WHY would you put it in your gallery?). This is the problem with how easily people take pictures and pass them around--they become completely disassociated from the source. I no longer have any control over my image, and the vast majority of people who see it will never know it is my property. I guess I should be watermarking, but those are easily removed anyway.

It is sort of flattering that enough people recognize my artwork that they know it on sight and were kind enough to report back to me--I don't visit any of these pages, I was told by people who view my gallery. But who knows how many other places my image is that I don't know about? People are using *my* art to boost their own popularity/views...not cool.

tallymark — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 22:16:03 GMT

Am back from Charleston! Very pretty old city, good times were had. :) Me and another girl met a random dude who showed us a real speakeasy (where I had some 1920's blueberry and mint drink) and a rooftop view of the city, and told us all kinds of quirky local stuff since he used to be a tour guide. I had one day to explore the city myself, and I had plans to see the important sights but mostly wandered through art galleries, markets, and coffee shops. Am quite content with that.

The conference was great too, though OMFG, my bill for this is staggering. Am sad I left the convention halfway through, but more nights meant more hotels. Also, I left because I'm going to another My Little Pony convention, because I just haven't been geeky enough this week I guess. XD

Off to NY, see you later everypony!

Charleston?

tallymark — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 18:00:11 GMT

Happy New Year everybody! I'll prolly do one of those year meme thingies when I have time. Just want to wish everyone a better year than the last (which for me, for the most part, was rock bottom, so my standards aren't set high). Go out there and be awesome!

Also, does anyone have any recommendations for things to do/places to eat in Charleston, SC? (on a budget and a time crunch). I'm going to a conference in North Charleston tomorrow and will be there through thursday evening. I have to pay all my own expenses (including airfare AUGH) and will not have a car, so I'm limited to places I can get by bus and can afford on my poor person's budget. Plus I'll be obligated to spend most of my time at the actual convention, networking like nobody's business. But since this out of pocket, nixing money I may have had for a proper vacation later on (whygodwhy), I'd like to get a little local flavor and enjoy myself. Especially given that I am subjecting myself to a 6am flight on my birthday, and its for WORK, and its COSTING ME MONEY. -_-;; (yes, it ought to be covered since its for work, no, it won't, don't ask).

I know some of you guys live in/have been to the south so I figured I'd ask if anything comes to mind. I like nature, fun foods and coffee shops. :)

Your Ponies. Give Them To Me.

tallymark — Sat, 24 Sep 2011 04:52:29 GMT

im'a go to the pony convention tomorrow. ^_^

my inner child will at last be appeased. lets just hope my wallet will not be emptied. put an adorable purple pony on something and all internal resistance goes out the window...curse you, Hasbro, for raising me to compulsively need your (or rather, MY) little ponies.

(confound those ponies)

should be happy

tallymark — Wed, 14 Sep 2011 05:18:19 GMT

I should post here more.

I also should be happy. I'm sending in an application for a one bedroom apartment I saw this weekend--not the best, but not the worst, and its affordable with lots of windows and space. My job is going okay--not the best, but not the worst. I've bought a ticket to BroNYcon (a My Little Pony convention), which I'm not ashamed to say I am totally excited about. I recently treated myself to a new skull (caiman), and some pony figures (stop judging), and more closing-sale-books from Borders than I ought to. By most measurable standards, things are good, or at least better than I have come to expect.

but sometimes its a little lonely in Amandaland. I love having my own place, but after a summer spent with roomates, and neighbors, and meeting new people left and right...it is very quiet here, in my room, and night, and it'll be quieter still when I get that apartment. There'll be no neighbors for me (not that kind of neighborhood...trust me), and I have no friends in town; let's be honest and admit that I have scant friends in this state. The few I have are dear, but it's the kind of situation that makes for infrequent outings. its the sort of thing that has you sitting alone at night, phone in hand with no one to call, computer open but no one to message, car filled up but nowhere to go, and wondering where you went wrong.
anyways. don't mind me. hope all is well with the rest of the internet.

Update Re: Hurricane

tallymark — Mon, 29 Aug 2011 01:30:47 GMT

I was right: alcohol is essential to hurricane survival. We lost power at about 2pm and are still out (I'm mooching wifi at McDonald's). Trees are down everywhere and the basement is flooding; we spent a few hours hauling buckets of water upstairs before giving up.

Being without power doesn't bother me that much, aside from the flooding thing (after all, I just spent three months in the bush), but my family is COMPLETELY UNABLE TO COPE. I cannot even describe it.

Thus, I am reduced to alcohol. 'Fraid I didn't get to throw myself a party, but this fiasco isn't over yet, and I'm gonna need a few drinks to make it through the night. I just wish I'd put the Amarula in the fridge before the power went out. (I was looking forward to finally trying it...elephants get drunk off it!).

Anyway, hope everyone has weathered the storm safely. May you have power and internet and relatives with coping skills. :)

Hurricane Preparedness Tips:

tallymark — Sat, 27 Aug 2011 05:59:00 GMT

Having just come from the Bahamas, where getting slammed by hurricanes is, unfortunately, a way of life, I picked up a few hurricane survival tips from the islanders that I thought I would share with my New England brethren, since if anybody knows how to handle hurricanes, it's the Bahamians. The traditional* way to get through a hurricane is to throw a Hurricane Party. You bring all the rum you can and you hole up somewhere with your family and friends (in your house if it's a category 1 through 3; in a designated shelter or a cave if its 4 or 5 and you haven't managed to get the hell off the island) and have a rowdy good time until the storm goes away.

You still get hit by a hurricane, but you have rum.

A little rum won't hurt at this point. Think about it.

(On a personal note: Yes, I'm back in the states. I left well before the storm hit the Bahamas, but it's gone and followed me up north anyway, so I guess I'll be seeing it soon. And yes, I took the tech job. Too burned out to go into details right now. Will try to later.)

*(This really is traditional. I'm serious).

More job angst. I know. It's pitiful.

tallymark — Fri, 05 Aug 2011 20:58:07 GMT

Hey guys,

Looking for advice again. So my time in the Bahamas is almost up, and I need to figure out what to do next. I really want to travel and do more exciting field work, and make a living doing something I love, but I’m also in debt up to my neck in loans. My advisor sent me a posting for a lab tech job from someone he knows, and I figured it couldn’t hurt so I sent in an application, ended up getting a phone interview, and if I want it the job is mine. I just don’t know what I want.

I don’t want to be a lab tech any more, but as far as lab jobs go this would be a good one. It would only be for one year; it’s actually a postdoc position, the postdoc quit with a year left on the grant and they need someone to finish the project. So it’s not a big long-term commitment. I’d help out with experiments studying how fish swim, do data analysis, write papers, keep the lab running and take care of the fish, etc etc. Actually, it’d be sort of similar to what I did in grad school, except with fish instead of birds, and no thesis. I’ve met the PI before, so I know they’d be a good boss. And it pays $32,000.

My problems are one, I want to do conservation or wildlife rehab--I want to be doing something meaningful--and two, the job is in my home state. I have pretty severe state-hate at this point. I’ve been in MA my whole life; I didn’t even get to leave for college. I want to leave so badly--I don’t expect other states to be dramatically superior, but I expect them to be change. The thought of another year in Massachusetts makes me sick at heart. Also, I’m really quite desperate to escape my family. Putting a thousand miles between myself and my mother was the healthiest thing I could do for myself this summer. I was really hoping to get at least a state or two between us this year (*coughdecadecough*).

But in tough times like this, thirty grand is a lot of money. The smart thing to do is take the job and put up with it for a year, and I would at least have my own apartment and some travel money left over, and make a dent in my loans. The risk if I don’t take it is possibly not getting a job for another six months again and living in my mother’s house, which is what ended up happening last year, and I pretty much wanted to die. I *could,* in theory, end up getting a fantastic dream job right away, and I know you’ll never get anywhere in life without taking some risks, but losing that gamble and being in my mom’s house would be unbearable. There’s comfort and security in taking the job. But maybe that’s not a good thing--maybe I shouldn’t always do the easy thing. But oh man, being able to move out right away...the thought of another year in MA makes me cry, but the thought of being broke and jobless and living with my mom makes me want to blow my head off.

I suppose I could think of it as a test of sorts. Try for one year to find happiness in MA, now that I won’t have grad school taking up my whole life, and if I can’t then I’ll know I have to leave that state and leave forever, and I’ll never look for a job there again. It would be waiting another whole goddamn year to do what I want in life, but it would keep me from a repeat of last year’s unending nightmare. I suppose it’s a decision between happiness vs survival. I want both but I should focus on making sure I have the second one. But what’s the point of surviving if you can’t live? I don’t think that I’ve been living my life, and I don’t even know how to start.

I have to give an answer this weekend but there's so much to think about. I should probably take it. I probably will. But I worry that I'm going to let myself put off the big things--being happy, moving to a new place and starting my own life for REAL, saving the world via animal conservation--forever. On the other hand, the economy is fucked pretty hard right now and job=job=job.

Just hoping for some food-for-thought from some more life-experienced folks.

Just a crazy girl who lives in the woods

tallymark — Mon, 01 Aug 2011 19:45:02 GMT

Am I crazy enough to try August Nanowrimo with almost no pre-planning? I might be.

Had wanted to start this morning but instead had to catch up on nest-checks, which somehow involved hiking 11 km, nonstop, over the course of five hours, and running out of water with an hour to go. I am a machine. A machine that walks.

...Closet My Little Pony fangirl...

tallymark — Sun, 31 Jul 2011 21:58:19 GMT

I--I just learned that there's a Brony Meetup group in Boston. (Yes, this is a My Little Pony fanculture reference). And I about died with squee because ohman I'm going to be back in Boston in a few weeks and I'll get to meet pony fans and have mutual pony fangirling over the super awesome cartoon (the new one, Friendship is Magic) and all the super awesome characters, and I'm gonna bring my pony toys and some pony fanart and DON'T JUDGE ME STOP JUDGING ME.

In other news, still in the Bahamas, still don't have a job lined up when I get back, still don't know what in god's name I'm going to do with my stupid life.

But, ponies.

Eeee.

stuff stuff stuff

tallymark — Fri, 01 Jul 2011 22:22:48 GMT

Baby tropicbirds are adorable beyond all reason. Extremely sweet faces. I wanted to hug and squish them but they weren't keen on that so instead I marked their nest sites on GPS so the Bahamas National Trust could track them. Baby parrots are adorable too but in a different way because they're still at the practically-embryonic-looking stage, but they'll get fluffy sooner or later. At this point almost all the pairs have chicks and its making finding nests WAY harder, since all the behavioral patterns we used to follow are totally shaken up. But I think I'm at fourteen nests total now. I also found an antillean nighthawk nest! I will openly pat myself on the back about this because everyone knows nightjars have cloaking devices.

Not much news otherwise, other than that I'm getting along well with everyone and we're having a good time. It's been raining a lot so we haven't been out much other than the field. Tomorrow we're going over to our boss's place to watch a bootleg copy of the new Pirates movie, drink Dark & Stormies (love!), and swim in their infinity pool.

I'm super excited that we get two mornings off next week, because we volunteered to stay up all night and monitor the turtle nest that's supposed to hatch soon. ohmigod I hope they hatch on our watch. Seeing baby sea turtles would be a bucket lister.

I'm starting to panic horribly about my ability to have a job when I get back since I realize I probably cant get an adjunct faculty job due to the timing--I won't be back till mid-August and the jobs all start earlier--but I am going to think very very very hard about baby turtles instead.

Turtles turtles turtles.

Birds and bugs

tallymark — Wed, 22 Jun 2011 03:00:40 GMT

No time to write up the "bad things" post so it'll have to come later. Am in a sweltering hot car with two other girls, parked in the dark outside the house of the neighbor down the road so we can use their wireless internet. It's too hot during the day and too mosquito-y at night to attempt internet without the car. Oh the things we do for internet.

Today I saw three baby parrot chicks in their nest. They were bald-headed (pink like a pinky mouse) with white fluff, and they were SO tiny and beautiful. They peeped at me when I shone a flashlight down and stirred a little, thinking I was the mama bird bringing food. Said mama (and papa) bird was in a tree over my head screaming at me so I had to be quick about it, but it was a wonderful surprise. :)

I also found two new nests the other day, which I think puts me at ten. Unfortunately, it's been damp and rainy this week and I was essentially gang-raped by mosquitoes two mornings in a row (clouds of them. like a horror movie. all over me for hours at a time. nothing could stop them). The itching has reached torturous levels. oh dear lordie let it stop.

We're going to go to another cay on thursday to look for White-tailed tropicbird nests though, so that'll be a fun change of pace! And there may be some snorkeling in the side.

Good times

tallymark — Wed, 15 Jun 2011 19:20:16 GMT

I’ve been here for pretty much a full month and there has been lots of amazing happenings, some sobering contemplation, and some not-so-amazing drama. I’ll save the latter two for another post since I only have so much time (I have to pre-write all posts, emails, etc).

Being out in the bush every day is an experience in and of itself. Field work is awesome, but don’t ever let someone tell you it’s glorious! It is hard, sweaty, exhausting work. We go out covered in bug spray and come back covered in a thick grimy layer of sweat, charcoal, dirt, and (of course) bug bites. You develop important life skills like how to pee in the woods. Its in a forest but somehow there’s never any shade, and we forge endlessly through thorns and poisonwood while climbing over jagged limestone rocks. But it’s great. I’m in a dry streak right now but so far I’ve found seven nest cavities, which is pretty darn good. It’s like this game where you have to outwit the parrot.

On our time off we’ve swam in two blue holes (Abaco is famous for them--it was in National Geographic), and did cannonballs into one of them. We pet some semi-wild horses and saw sea turtles and a barracuda (I was not as excited to see the barracuda since I was in the water with it). We visited Hopetown in the rain and ate at a restaurant overlooking the gray-green sea; went to Pete’s Pub and saw the bronze-casting art gallery; and had way too much to drink at Curly Tail’s restaurant. We got a tour of Schooner Bay, a community development geared toward sustainable living that is the most amazing thing--it’s every eco-conscious person’s dream home. (Every house has a cistern and it’s own water filtration system; solar panels over the mini-garage; the air conditioning is on a town-wide circuit using an innovative system involving cooled underground water; etc). I’ve driven a pickup (and ridden in the truck bed--on the highway!) and a minivan. We played tour guide for a few days for a group of parrot afficionados and met some great people, and I learned of the existence of vulture parties, which may be the best thing in the world ever.

I have tasted the glory that is Bahamian mac and cheese. Oh lordie, the glory. It has sweet peppers and onions in it and it is spicy. I’ve also had fresh tuna sashimi, conch salad, grouper, and other local foods. And cocktails. The cocktails. Bahama mama, blasters, pina colada, strawberry daquiri, the curly tail--plus the bajillion bottles of rum we have at the house. (Here, beer is expensive and rum is cheap). I’m not much of a drinker but I love fruity froofy cocktails.

The birding has been glorious. Hummingbirds blitzing by, turkey vultures EVERYWHERE. (My love of turkey vultures borders on obsessive). Warblers and kingbirds and swallows and of course lots of parrots. I also saw a pair of pterodactyls the other day. My bird book says they were Magnificent Frigatebirds, but basically they were pterodactyls. There’s also scads of anoles and little curly tail lizards.

On a note of little probable interest to anyone but me, I found a huge-tusked boar skull in the woods, some random cat bones, and a partial turkey vulture skull. I’m not allowed to keep the turkey vulture (legal issue), but just getting to touch it filled me with incandescent joy. I might get to keep the others since they’re invasives, which would be yay because I have a serious thing for collecting bones (some of you may be aware of this. I may have gone on about it at great lengths).

There’s more but I don’t want to make this too long, and like I said the bad (because there is always a bad) can wait for another (probably friend-locked) post. At the moment it's almost time to get back in the field.

There's this thing I forgot to mention

tallymark — Thu, 26 May 2011 20:34:41 GMT

which is that I'm in the bahamas. ^_^

Okay, it’s not really that I forgot so much as that all my mental energy has been taken up with trying (unsuccessfully) not to second-guess myself, panic, packing, etc. So I didn’t want to write anything until I could be coherent about it. But I figure this is as coherent as I’m going to get, and I’ve already been here a week so I really ought to say something. :)

So Petsmart made me miserable. Suffice it to say, I was treated as less than a person by the clientele on more than one occasion. It was demeaning. (Y’all, be nice to your local servicepeople. There’s a person in there). Things were also degenerating at home, the abysmal details of which I will spare you. My life was decaying like a carcass on the side of the road. Except real carcasses get visited by turkey vultures (a great bird) and there’s nifty bones left over, while mine just grew more and more fetid.

In desperation I began applying to unpaid positions again. One thing led to another, and now I’m spending the next three months doing volunteer parrot research as a field tech on Abaco island. (Sort of an unofficial, unpaid internship). So...I’m in the Bahamas now. It’s sunny and there are birds and trees everywhere and it is indeed a very nice place. :) My internal landscape is still a little rough, but the change of external landscape was major enough to have broken the “cycle of despair.” My plan is to force-feed myself enough sunshine to last me into next year. However, this is not a vacation!! There’ll be three other techs and the head of the project, and we spend practically dawn to dusk tromping through the underbrush looking for parrot nests. We’re studying the social behavior of the endangered Bahama parrot. The population here is unique in that it nests underground in limestone cavities.

Being in the Bahamas is of course very exciting, but being the neurotic thing I am, I’m still trying to internally cope with the changes. I have certain misgivings, number one being that I truly regret not taking the crane internship. I understand now that my decision had been based entirely in panic, because at exactly two weeks prior to leaving for the Bahamas, the exact same panic/anxiety/dread kicked in full throttle, telling me all the reasons why I mustn’t go. So now I know I was really just crumbling and I probably would have loved it. That opportunity is gone forever, and I mourn it deeply. And given the timing of things, I could have done both.

On the other hand, I’m in the damn Bahamas. The people are amazing--Bahamian hospitality is like nothing I’ve ever seen before. The beaches are amazing. The food--oh lordie. And the birds are EVERYWHERE. (alas, so are the mosquitoes!). I can work with this.

Anyway, there’s no internet where we’re staying (a tiny house on the beach), we visit an office for internet a few times a week. So my presence online is going to be very thin for the next few months. But I’m alive: sunburnt, bug bitten, but alive. I have a netbook and my stories, and I plan to write when I can. I’m hoping to get a lot of writing done (None so far, but here’s hoping!).

So yay, I’m in the Bahamas. :)

tallymark — Mon, 02 May 2011 03:46:22 GMT

Bye-bye Bin Laden. :)

tallymark — Thu, 21 Apr 2011 04:38:00 GMT

Reason # 8,004,361,752 why living with your mother after college is like being raped in the eye with a pinecone:

Mom: (Sees that my sock drawer has been left ajar two inches and takes this as an invitation to open it up and peruse at will). "What's this here in the back? Are there shampoo bottles in your sock drawer?" (Pulls out a vibrator)--"Oh, nevermind."

Don't worry, mom, it's not being used. My libido died the day I moved back home. But thanks for respecting my right to privacy!

(I'm being sarcastic. People without jobs don't have rights! Everyone knows that. But that's okay because living at home has eroded away my identity, so I no longer need privacy. Everyone wins! Except me. But I don't count.).

:(

tallymark — Wed, 02 Feb 2011 20:16:27 GMT

Oh. I'm not sure how well that went. I thought I was prepared but the interview was pretty informal and I was nervous and I started fumbling/rambling a little. I'm usually pretty good at feigning confidence but I'm pretty awful at interviews I guess.

Maybe this wasn't such a good idea anyway. It's an internship I would love, but should I really be trying to get unpaid positions when I have so many bills? Shouldn't I be practical and use my Master's to get into research and make real money? Except I'm not experienced in most forms of biotech research. Still, a lot of people would consider an animal husbandry internship to be a "step down" for a graduate student...I just figured that in the face of continuing joblessness, any experience was good experience, and I *like* animal husbandry (even though it pays so poorly).

But I wonder if I later have to try and get a "real job" that pays, if doing animal care internships would seem like I was unfocused and goofing around and ruin my chances.

But then I wasn't getting any of those jobs anyway.

I don't know. I'm not sure what I'm doing and much as I try to hide that fact i wonder if the interviewer could sense it. I'll find out in a week or so I guess. I wish things weren't so awful right now where any little decision feels like it could make or ruin your chances of a career and where it seems like anything I *like* doing is setting myself up for financial ruin.

But it would be really damn cool to spend three months in Louisiana raising endangered cranes.

Yay!!!

tallymark — Wed, 02 Feb 2011 15:10:19 GMT

Double-booked interview crisis averted! My mom convinced me to call the store in the morning to confirm they would be open, and to then politely-as-I-can ask if we could meet earlier due to the blizzard. But I didn't even get that far because when the person (a different manager) answered the phone and I told him I had an interview appointment later in the day, he was like, "Yeah, we're going to have to reschedule. We're not even open yet, none of the cashiers have showed up."

Whew! I will call early afternoon to see if I can catch the correct person and ask when a good time to reschedule may be (be proactive and all that), but I am in the clear since *they* told *me* to reschedule. XD (if so-and-so tries to say that actually we can meet today, I'll apologize and tell them that since I was told it was canceled, I let my mother borrow my more-reliable car).

Thanks for the advice, everyone! I don't know how I got out of this one. Dumb luck I guess (since I'm dumb).

Now I can just prepare for the phone interview! (and shovel frozen wet snow..).

HELP!!

tallymark — Wed, 02 Feb 2011 05:10:11 GMT

I am so fucking stupid.

I have two job interviews tomorrow, one on the phone, one in-person, and I just realized that I double-booked them.

I first set the phone interview for 1pm central time (the caller is in New Orleans). Then, completely unexpectedly (since I had applied to them quite some time ago), a retail store called and asked for an interview on the same date. In a panic I did my mental math wrong and, assuming that 1pm central was noon eastern, set the in-person interview for 2:30 so I would have plenty of time between them. Tonight I was doublechecking everything and realized that OH WAIT, 1pm central is 2pm eastern, and I have half an hour between appointments, which (assuming that I do the phone interview in the car in the parking lot of the store) may or may not be enough. How long do phone interviews take?

I don't dare reschedule the phone interview, which is with a busy and important person, but how in god's name am I going to reschedule the other one? Especially given the fact that, in my initial surprise/panic, I may have babbled to the person that "Oh I have another interview at 1pm central, errr, what's that in eastern?", to which he replied "I think it might be 2?", to which I went, "no, wait, I think it's noon! okay, can we meet after 2?" Yes. I really AM that stupid.

I really don't know how to reschedule without making it painfully obvious that I am a blithering idiot who (apparently) can't tell time. Even if I make up an excuse, if he remembers my initial fumble he may well guess that it is a fib. Although, what with the inclement weather, I could feasibly pull off a "my car won't start/I am snowed in."

I wish I wasn't so dumb. ;_;

2010 meme thingstuff

tallymark — Tue, 11 Jan 2011 06:29:15 GMT

1. What did you do in 2010 that you'd never done before?
Hiked in a desert, swam the dead sea, ate Ethiopean food, drove on a highway, learned to make lasanga.

2. Did you keep your New Years' resolutions and will you make more for next year?
No, I didn't. Last year's resolution was to get laid. My new resolution is to get a real job and move out of my mother's house, but obviously I suck at this.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Miriah, my deaf-blind cat.

5. What countries did you visit?
Israel!

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?
A life. Meaning and purpose and direction for said life. A real job. A boyfriend worth my time.

7. What date from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
September 3rd, because it was the last day I could submit my thesis without being billed for another semester...they found another way to bill me, but that's another story..

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Finishing my thesis.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Been jobless for four months. Kill me.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Hm. Does going off my medications and suffering crippling social anxiety count?

11. What was the best thing you bought?
A desert iguana. Best little lizard EVER. Also, am pretty pleased with the wallaby skeleton I scored (I think that was this year..).

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Definately not me.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Me. I have a mean streak that comes out when I'm confined for long periods. I'm like those caged birds who go crazy and start pulling out all their feathers, whenever they're not too busy screaming and biting.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Rent. It ate everything. I'm penniless.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Going to Israel. I've barely left the state all my life so this was a biggie.

16. What song will always remind you of 2010?
Drawing a total blank here. I mostly kept listening to new music from favorite bands. Innocence by Disturbed rocked my world pretty hard but I don't think I actually associate 2010 with it.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: Happier or sadder? Thinner or fatter? Richer or poorer?
Sadder, fatter, and poorer. Fuck.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Socializing, volunteering.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Self-destructive neurotic antisocial behavior.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
Didn't. Am jewish.

21. Did you fall in love in 2010?
No.

23. How many one-night stands?
None.

24. What was your favourite TV program?
After Lost ended, it became Big Bang Theory.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I think I hate myself a little more (I deserve it, trust me), but otherwise nothing but the burning rage of old grudges. :)

26. What was the best book you read?
Oh Lordy I can never choose favorites..favorite manga was probably the massive amounts of Naruto I read, plus Spice and Wolf and Saiunkoku. Favorite book...maybe Babylon's Ark.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
The Video Game Orchestra! They played at last year's Anime Boston. Y'all have to check this shit out...a personal favorite: God of War: The End Begins to Rock and FFVII (Part 2).

28. What did you want and get?
Several new skulls, including the wallaby. Of course, these are all presents I buy for myself. Nobody ever gets me skulls. *sigh*

29. What did you want and not get?
A job. Self-respect. Job.

30. What was your favourite film of this year?

How to Train Your Dragon, Megamind, Legend of the Guardians

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I did nothing. I think I bought myself a piece of cheesecake at Barnes & Noble and ate it alone. I was 26. Never been fond of birthdays.
Oh look I just had another one. *sigh*

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
A JOB. GOD WILL NO ONE HIRE ME?
Also, I wish I'd been more social.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?
I got into t-shirts for pretty much the first time ever...always have preferred tank tops. But I'm into slim girly t-shirts with clever prints now.

34. What kept you sane?
I am not sane. No, really. I'm way off the deep end at this point, and there be dragons in these waters.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I tend to worship fictional characters more than celebrities.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
The amazing dumbfuckery of BP.

37. Who did you miss?
My college friends who don't live so close...someday I will have the money to visit them! (I'm talking to you, Val!!).

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Haven't met a lot of new people, but probably Rori who I met on the Israel trip. Otherwise I have a hard time remembering who I met when. ^_^;

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010:
I have changed enough the past few years that I can no longer re-intigrate into my family. Co-habitation will lead to assured mutual destruction.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

I'm like a bird, I wanna fly away...I don't know where my home is, I don't know where my heart is.

How to push my buttons: A helpful infosession.

tallymark — Fri, 03 Dec 2010 07:50:40 GMT

Hello boys and girls,

Here's a thing that pisses Tally off to no end: Use of "retarded" as a derogatory term. Because making fun of the disabled is just so classy, you know.

Retardation is a diagnosis for a disability. "Retardation" and "stupid" are not the same thing. People can behave "stupidly" without being retarded, and, being equipped with full intellectual faculties, are responsible for their "dumb" behavior in ways a retarded person is not. But hey, let's call that normal person "retarded" anyway because of course retarded people are the lowest on the totem pole, the very stupidest and most worthless of all, so it makes a great insult.

This is basically what you are saying when you use retarded as a derogatory term, as a way to apply a "negative" to a description of one's intellect. You are expressing your disdain for the retarded and adding to the social devaluing of them. And they are socially devalued.

Probably you didn't mean it this way. It's a commonplace word to be tossed about. But to people who live with and work with the disabled, this is how it comes across. Playing nice with your words has nothing to do with being "politically correct", it has to do with having respect, within your own mind, for people with severe disabilities who, yes, are less smart than you, through no fault of their own. And if you do have respect for them, then it doesn't hurt to be respectful with your words too.

Somebody out there appreciates it.

/end minirant

Sorry. Had to get that out of my system. It has been a pet peeve of mine for a long time, and it came up today and made me blow my top all over. I've met retarded people. And they're nice.

So. If you ever want me to gnaw your face off for you, now you know how to get me to do it. ^_^

I have to share this.

tallymark — Wed, 01 Dec 2010 00:43:44 GMT

This. If you like dorky youtube videos, this is hilarious. It is complete and total crack. It made me laugh, and I am not in a laughing mood these days.

Haircut

It is a Choose-Your-Own-Adventure song and it is SO catchy and cheesy, each ending is better and better (Yes, you really click on the options in the video and go forward). The song will totally stick in your head though. I like the Hugh Laurie ending.

Btw, if you have ever seen the Harry Potter Puppet Pals, this is made by the same guy! Yes, HIM. (If not, I recommend the Potter Puppet Pals too). He is completely crazy and win.

I am the Lizard Queen...!

tallymark — Mon, 11 Oct 2010 21:06:41 GMT

I feel like I only get around to posting here when something goes wrong, and if I don't cut that nonsense out this journal will be all doom and gloom (granted, I feel a little doomed and gloomy what with the joblessness and the crazy and such, but that is totally beside the point). So!

He's a desert iguana. ^_^ Last weekend I went to the reptile expo in new hampshire (awesome show, by the way--there were baby chamelons and monitors so big they wore dog sweaters, and every color snake you could imagine) with the intention of seeing all the pretty snakes and buying bucketloads of cheap frozen mice for Jasper. I did not mean to buy a lizard. I fought very hard against buying the lizard. But this one vendor had a desert iguana, and dude, you can't get these guys in pet stores (they don't breed well in captivity), and they are awesome. My advisor had a bunch as leftover lab lizards years ago, which is where I knew about them. They're adorable little brown and white lizards that are the same size as those baby green iguanas you see in the pet store, except the baby green iguana will grow to be six feet long and cranky, and the desert iguana will stay small and mellow. They're also mostly vegetarian (he eats dandylions from my hand! Eeee!). I swear, I walked away from him four or five times hoping for someone else to buy him and remove the temptation--should not be buying new pets while broke!--but they didn't, and well...I'd always wanted an iguana.

I had trouble keeping him warm enough for the first few days but when I told my advisor (who is also awesome beyond all reason) I'd gotten a desert iguana, he was so excited he gave me his custom-built heat lamp/tank lid back from when he used to raise them! Now it is a tiny scorching desert inside that tank!

Here are more pictures:

And here something from the reptile expo I did NOT buy. Yes, this is a $7000 snake. It's a fancy color morph of boa. I don't know if it was the most expensive reptile at the expo, but it was certainly the most expensive I saw. The silly thing is you can get a baby regular boa for under $100.

Now I just have to name the little guy...the seller at the expo thought it was a boy, though can't be sure. I sucks at naming. Gah.