I'm sorry for what i did... i hold account for it..
I can't remember things.. i feel like an amnesic.
I deserve what I'll get, be it brutal murder or walls and chains.
I wanted to be your sunshine, ended up being a jinx.

I'll never forgive myself for it, it's eating me alive.
I feel like a sin, waiting to be unalived.
I did things i don't remember, i wish i forget to breathe.
Everytime i see my face, i feel like a sin.
You deserve better, i won't lie.
Everytime i see your face, my heart asks "why".

You want a time machine, that's what I'll work for.
Everytime i see a blade, my thighs bleed cuts.
I wish to go back in time too, not to just "try".
A life would be better with you, but i know you'll still suffer a sin so high.

I wish i never just "tried", with packets of poison just for you to stop by.
I wish to have consumed those by, maybe i was foolish to just try.
I hope you find a star that shines bright,
In the midnight sky that let's you sparkle by.

I was once a safe place that turned to a torture room.
I'm sorry this ever happened, i swear i never wanted to be such a doom.
I'll shed seeds every night, waiting for that one day that i'd be punished right.
I never wanted it to happen, now you say "unfortunately" with "i do" every second.
I blame only myself for being such a miserable sin.
I swear i never meant to hurt you, as it would stab me multiple times too.

It won't change anything, I say as you silently mutter "trust".
I'm well aware of the sin i am.
I wish it to be much better but it feels worse again.
I know you hate the word now, as I say sorry.
I apologise for the sin you loved, don't ask why.

I'll silently wish upon my brutal end, while I keep praying for your health.
I'm sorry you loved, loved such a sin.

Love, Sylphiette; 
Thank you so much for being with me thru my substack journey!<3
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