s u b j e c t i v e s

I'm Just A Little Bit Caught In The Middle (Harry, Ron, Hermione) PG - 1/1

scatteredintime — Sat, 27 Nov 2010 00:25:31 GMT

i'm just a little bit caught in the middle [1/1] 1319. pg.
harry potter (harry potter). hermione granger (harry potter). ron weasley (harry potter). ron/hermione/harry.
Things change. People need a family.

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Author's Notes: Ficlet. Very AU. Very OOC in some places. Prompt: Harry/Ron/Hermione, i held on as tightly as you held onto me Written for the HP Non-Canon Ship Ficathon.

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After the war a thousand little things happened. Funerals to attend, reparations to make, schools to rebuild. With so many things they didn’t know where to begin and where to stop.

In the midst of it all the Trio had decided to take a break when all those things were done. It had been an unanimous choice. They had been offered to begin training as aurors – mostly because the auror ranks were greatly depleted of good fighters and the three teenagers had fought in a war, after all. They had politely declined and promised to think about starting auror training the following summer. Professor McGonagall – Minerva, as she had asked them to call her – had put up offers for anyone to retake the year, considering that a part of the student body had been in hiding, unable to attend the school due to their blood status or simply too busy trying to stay out of the way of the Death Eaters among the teachers.

Yet again, Ron, Hermione and Harry politely declined. They couldn’t imagine going back to school, going back to their childhood just like that. The war had ended but they couldn’t pretend everything was back to normal. Now – after the war, after growing up – this was their normal. And they needed a break.

Ron was the first one to suggest that they leave the country for a while. Every last living wizard in Britain knew who they were, knew what they looked like, knew their story, and it was just too much. Isolation and deep-rooted fear during their time on the run had made them paranoid and jumpy; not a single day went by without one of them being close to a panic attack, simply because someone had tapped them on their shoulder or had spoken too loud. They weren’t used to other people, they had been hidden observers for too long.

It was Harry who planted the idea of recovering her parents from Australia in Hermione’s mind. Several calls to the British Consulate eventually provided them with the location of her parents; they lived in Brisbane.

Professor McGonagall – Minerva – allowed them to peruse all the books they needed in the library of Hogwarts to research the things they needed to know. The search for the right memory restoration spell took some time. Once they had found it they hadn’t known how to go from there. Neither of them wanted to go to Australia prepared with a spell they hadn’t ever tried before.

Again it was Minerva who helped them. They weren’t war heroes for nothing and she knew someone who knew someone who had a relative working for the Department of Mysteries or something like that. For once they were glad to be known everywhere. The Unspeakable – they weren’t allowed to know her name – came to Hogwarts and it was in the Chamber of Secrets that they were taught the perfect spell; it was slight modification from the original one they had found but they had been promised that it would work. It was the Unspeakable who introduced them to inter-continental Apparition.

They left for Australia on the last day of August after the unspoken agreement that they didn’t want to be reminded of missing the train ride to Hogwarts on the next day. Hermione had made reservations at a hotel near her parents’ house.

And suddenly they are there. Standing in front of the house that belonged to Wendell and Monica Wilkins. Hermione lets out a deep breath, unsure if this is the right thing to do. Harry stands on her left and Ron on her right and it is only their support that convinced her to walk towards the door and knock.

When she sees her mother who isn’t really her mother at that moment standing in front of her, she breaks. Harry grips her hand in his and Ron lends her the steadying touch to the shoulder that she so desperately needs. She couldn’t do this without them.

Monica Wilkins stares at her in bewilderment, her face betraying her thoughts; she is unsure what to make of the three teenagers. Hermione wipes away her tears, stammers an apology before Ron takes over the talking and Harry takes over the comforting.

“We apologise to intrude on you like this, Mrs. Wilkins,” Ron starts. They’re not quite his words, he wants to blurt out all the reasons they have come here for, but that’s not how this should go. The Unspeakable had told them how to go about this. They were going to do this the right way, for Hermione’s sake.

He fumbles with the hem of his coat, uncertain of how to go on, and he can’t look into the eyes of Hermione’s mother. Not really. Instead, he stares at her feet, and repeats the things that he, Harry and Hermione had talked about.

“Mrs. Wilkins, the thing is, we have news for you. For you and your husband, that is.” He nods to emphasise what he just said. He risks a glance and looks into her face, sees disbelief mirrored in her eyes. Disbelief and maybe something else. He has to push on. For Hermione, who is still in Harry’s arms.

“Please, may we come in? I know that’s not a lot to go on and we could be burglars trying to see if you’ve got any valuables we could pilfer, but, please, we need to talk to you and your husband,” Ron presses on. If this doesn’t work, if they don’t appear to be trustworthy, they’re going to have to use compulsion charms to convince the couple.

They’re in luck. The woman in front of them nods, looks the three of them over and can’t help saying, “Of course, do come in.”

Once inside she calls for Wendell who seems to have a hobby room upstairs. She proceeds to make tea while her visitors sit down on the sofa. Wendell comes downstairs; when he sees them he nods and provides a friendly “Hello” before turning to Monica with a questioning glance.

It takes a while for the story to get out. Hermione can’t help staring at her parents, marvelled at the fact that they’re alive. So alive and well and she can have them back! And so Harry takes over the talking for a moment until Hermione snaps out of it. When she does, she smiles and squeezes his hand and squeezes Ron’s hand and then the information gushes out.

They explain to Monica and Wendell that they’re parents, that they have a daughter, that they’re not actually Monica and Wendell but Jean and Robert Granger, that their memories were taken, that they’re basically in the wizard equivalent of witness protection. They don’t believe it until Harry transfigures his teacup into a gerbil and Ron does his best Aguamenti, which Hermione then vanishes. Hermione’s parents are amazed.

They ask more questions. Questions about why Hermione sent them to Australia, why she didn’t come with them, why they hadn’t protested. They’re curious and want to know whether they would retain their memories as the Wilkins’. Hermione falters in her tale; it hurts to tell them that she didn’t give them a choice, it hurts to see the slight betrayal in their faces, even though they don’t know her. Not yet, anyway.

When Robert – Wendell, still – asks Hermione to give them some time to think about this, to give them time to decide whether or not they want their memories back, she takes in a sharp breath before running out of the room. A look between the boys and Harry runs after her, murmurs soothing words in her ear, tries to ease her pain because he knows how hard it must be to be faced with the truth of the situation.

Ever the strategist, Ron tells her parents that they’ll be in town for a while, that they’re taking a break from Britain, that they have all the time in the world to make a decision, that they could try to get to know each other before choosing.

Harry and Hermione come back into the room and they nod to Ron; they’re ready to go. For now. They leave the phone number of their room at the hotel, just in case. Outside Ron takes Hermione into his arms and gives her a tender kiss. She needs all the support she can get; she never thought that things might go this way. They don’t see the two people back in the house peering out of their living room window and observing them.

The following days are spent with endeavours to distract each other. They’re still jumpy around people, a different continent doesn’t change that, but they are going to make the best of the situation. They Apparate to places all over the outback. Sometimes they march through the terrain, sometimes they sit back against a tree and simply let their thoughts wander. They walk through the tourist parts of Brisbane. It’s not what they came here for but it helps. They’re more relaxed here than in Britain where you never know how many supporters of Voldemort are still out and about.

Hermione considers staying, if her parents choose to live on their new life. Hermione considers staying, even if her parents choose to go back to being Robert and Jean. Maybe this is the right place for them. They can be whoever they want to be here. They’re not The Boy Who Lived and his two best friends here. They’re not the Golden Trio, not the defeaters of the Dark Lord here. They’re just themselves and it’s all they need.

They don’t impose on Hermione’s parents even though they haven’t called back. It’s a difficult choice to make, they all reason. More than two weeks after their visit to the Wilkins’ house they’re surprised when there’s a knock on the door of their hotel room and it’s not room service.

Wendell and Monica made their decision and now they’re standing in the hotel room, pointedly ignoring that there’s only one bed and a cake on the coffee table. They’re ready to tell them. Hermione has to sit down on the bed and it’s Harry who pats her hand when Wendell speaks up and tells her in no uncertain terms that they want to go back to being Robert and Jean.

She jumps up to embrace her parents and nearly crashes into them. It’s the best birthday present Hermione could’ve asked for.

The trio asks them to sit down on the sofa, to ask questions if they have any. They do, of course. They’re not Hermione’s parents for nothing. Questions are asked and answered to the best of everyone’s abilities. And then it’s time.

The spell itself isn’t complicated, it’s simply “Restituo Memoriam”, but it’s the casting that they had to work hard to learn. And of course the power. They hadn’t been able to acquire one of the spell amplifiers the Ministry used for Memory extrication or restoration. They had to do it this way, but The Unspeakable had been sure of their success. All they had to do was cast it together.

Wendell and Monica look a bit ill at ease when Harry, Ron and Hermione begin to start casting. It doesn’t last long and there’s no expression left on their face, only empty eyes, and a minute later they nod off and another minute later they raise their heads and suddenly they’re Robert and Jean again.

Jean is the first to say something. She almost runs over the table in her haste to get to her daughter, to hold her close, to kiss the top of her head. Robert is a bit slower, he’s suspicious of the boys like any other father would be. And then he throws it away and shakes their hands and introduces himself as Robert Granger and then he hugs his daughter and his wife until one of them complains that she can’t breathe.

It takes a long while until they’re all ready to sit down and eat the birthday cake that has been waiting for them. It’s a simple cake, but it means so much more for all of them. It’s reunion and gratitude and freedom and love. It’s the beginning after the end.

The Grangers notice that the story that Hermione had told them before the restoration of their memories was just a survey of everything that had happened. They notice that she’s easily startled by people other than her two friends. They ask them to leave the hotel and come to their house for the remainder of their stay, however long that may be.

Hermione explains that they’re not sure how long they want to stay here, that they’re survivors and need time to cope. The Grangers are fine with that. They’re still not sure if they want to return to their old life. Australia is a nice place after all.

Of course things only last for so long. It happens about a week after they move in with Hermione’s parents. Harry and Ron are supposed to sleep in the living room on transfigured beds while Hermione stays in the guest bedroom. It’s night and Jean can’t sleep and so she goes downstairs into the kitchen to grab a glass of juice and she notices that the beds are there but they’re empty.

She creeps upstairs again and sneaks a look into the room that her daughter occupies. There, on the bed that seems to have been transfigured to twice its original size, three bodies are pressed together and each of the boys is gripping one of her daughter’s hands and they’re fast asleep and they look like they’re so scared that they might be torn apart, even in their sleep.

She closes the door and goes back to bed and doesn’t say a thing about it when she comes down the next morning to a delicious breakfast that Harry is making. She’s not sure what to think but she let’s things go on like they do. There’s nothing wrong and Hermione smiles more around the boys than she smiles around her parents.

It’s when Robert comes into the guest bedroom – Hermione’s room – unannounced that things go awry. He walks in on Hermione kissing Harry. Harry, not Ron. The black-haired kid and not the redhead. They don’t notice and he leaves again, pondering what he saw. Maybe Ron and Hermione had broken up?

He casually inquires about mundane things the next day after lunch, when he and Hermione do the dishes while Harry and Ron are outside and tending to the garden and Jean is enjoying the fact she doesn’t have to do anything. He distracts his daughter enough before springing his question on her.

“So, Hermione, which of the boys is your boyfriend?” It’s a seemingly normal question but Hermione is appalled for a moment and squeaks out a high-pitched “Dad!”

“What? I’m just curious. You see –” he begins to explain but Jean interrupts him with a glower that tells him to shut up or else.

“Robert, don’t be nosy. She’ll tell us when she thinks she’s ready,” Jean says, amazingly capable of transmitting all the things she doesn’t say in one perfect glower. For once he’s not fazed by any of it.

Hermione gathers her wits about her and nods to her father, though. She can do this. She knew she would have to tell them at some point. And so she starts, “Let’s sit down and we can talk. It’s – it’s complicated.”

Her father doesn’t like that answer. “I don’t think we need to sit down. Which one is your boyfriend? The redhead or the other one?” The look in his eyes says more than thousand words. He’s not going to let it go. “I don’t mean to push you. I’m only looking out for you.”

“I know that, daddy. It’s –” She tries to find the right words but she can’t even think properly.

“Yes? Is it Ron?” her father prompts.

“Well, sort of?” She replies. Her mother nods her encouragement but her father only raises one eyebrow. It’s in that moment that Harry and Ron come back into the house. The silence is enough to tell them that something is up.

“What’s going on?” Ron looks at each of them, a bit confused until Harry nudges him in the ribs and says, “I think this is about the three of us.”

Hermione and her parents nod and both boys take a step forward and take Hermione’s hands into their own and Robert asks, “Which one of you is her boyfriend? Because I am sorry to say this because it’ll hurt one of you but I’ve seen her kiss both of you and I’ll have none of that in my house.” He expects it to be Ron because Harry hadn’t seemed troubled at all when Ron had kissed his girl way back when. Robert isn’t prepared for what comes next.

It’s Harry who says, “We’re both her boyfriends.”

Hermione gives her boys a loving smile each, Jean gives her a smile to show her support and Robert has to sit down on the sofa.

“Both? But – I don’t understand this.”

Despite the dire situation, the awkward moment, the weird revelation, Hermione and Jean giggle. Robert has always been a bit slow on the uptake.

This time the Grangers sit on the sofa and Ron sits down in the closest armchair and he pulls Hermione into his lap and Harry next to them onto the armrest. When everyone is settled – without tea because there really don’t need any more broken teacups – Hermione puts on her serious face and starts to explain yet another story. It seems that Australia is the land of revelations for her and her family.

She takes a few breaths and then she’s ready to talk.

“War changes people.”

---

It was the day after Godric’s Hollow that Harry and Hermione sleep next to each other in the same bed. They were tired and scared and didn’t want to lose sight of each other and so for once they didn’t bother that one of them should watch out for the enemy. They were like lost children, no one could find them there and the more time they spent away from the world, the more they needed each other. Both of them missed Ron.

Ron was Harry’s first friend and he missed him terribly. Ron was Harry’s family, Harry’s connection to the Weasleys and he needed him as much as Hermione did.

For all the bickering they did, Hermione truly loved Ron. She was in love with him. She loved him and it hurt terribly to see him gone.

And – she finally realised – she loved Harry the same way. In this strange world of magic they were her family and she loved them both, she was in love with them both and she hadn’t known and she wished that Ron was back. She wanted Ron back because she missed him and because Harry missed him and they, Ron and Hermione, were Harry’s family and they were supposed to be there for each other and it hurt to be two instead of three.

Then Ron came back. Harry told him that Hermione was his family, that Ron was his family and that he needed them. Hermione was mad at Ron, but mostly she was glad to have her boys, her family, back. Ron told them that he couldn’t go back to the Burrow. It was not his prerogative, not when he had given his life over to Harry the moment they had made the choice to help him with his search for the Horcruxes.

Harry didn’t really understand until they were in Hogwarts and he saw Ginny and he was glad that she was safe. He didn’t really understand until he didn’t feel the urge to kiss her. It wasn’t Ginny who was his family. She was an extended part of it and he loved her but he loved Ron more. Ron, who was sometimes an incredible git. But hadn’t their time on the run proven it to Harry? He needed Ron and Hermione more than Ginny or Cho or Dumbledore.

War changes people and Harry wasn’t comfortable around the outspoken girl who had once been his girlfriend. She was too loud, too excited, too much. One moment with Ron and Hermione after the downfall of Voldemort had given him more answers than anything else.

During the months on the run, they had grown to be each other’s family. And now they couldn’t live without each other; they couldn’t live with anyone else. Maybe this was a strange relationship, maybe they were imagining things, but they were all they needed.

---

“War changes people. Maybe we’re insane, maybe we’re completely screwed up inside, but it physically hurts to be without each other. We’re a family now.”

If We Never Get Out Of Here (Harry, Hermione) PG - 1/1

scatteredintime — Wed, 24 Nov 2010 16:06:00 GMT

if we never get out of here [1/1] 1319. pg.
harry potter (harry potter). hermione granger (harry potter). harry/hermione.
After Ron left, Hermione was devastated. And it was all Harry's fault. So now he has to fix her.

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Author's Notes: Ficlet. AU. Prompt: Harry/Hermione, one day we will be a legend. Written for the HP Non-Canon Ship Ficathon.

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Another night, another day goes by with Ron gone off. Another night in which Harry heard her, crying almost silently. He always takes the night shift, because she needs all the rest she can get. He is used to this; he’s used to getting little sleep, used to functioning automatically. His body was conditioned for this. It was as though Dumbledore had known that he needed to be moulded into a person who could withstand hunger and cold, a person who could deal with an uncomfortable life. Maybe his life at the Dursleys hadn’t been all bad. Maybe it had prepared him for this adventure. Him. It was always him.

He was angry at Ron. Angry that he had left him like that. Angry that poor Ronniekins couldn’t deal with not having three warm meals a day. Angry that Ron was right; he didn’t know how it felt, he didn’t have a family. Angry that Ron and Hermione were all he had, even if the Weasley matriarch had all but adopted him into their family. Angry that Ron had hurt his Hermione.

Mostly he was angry at himself. Angry that he had let the unspoken arguments fester like they had. He was angry that he had put Ron through all this mess, because Ron was right. He didn’t know where to go, what to do, what Dumbledore wanted him to do. So angry and alone and lost and insecure, because if it hadn’t been for him, Hermione wouldn’t be like this.

It was his fault that Hermione was so devastated. And he had to fix it. He had to.

Idly he turned his wand in his fingers. He wanted to go to Godric’s Hollow but he didn’t think Hermione would want that. Not now. Maybe later. In a few days. But now, now he had to cheer her up, had to make her forget about Ron. If he could make her forget for just an hour.

It was almost morning when he had formulated a plan. It wasn’t brilliant by any means, but it would do.

Wand in hand he slipped through the tent opening and moved towards the girl that was brave enough to leave her parents behind to help him. Unease gnawed at him; she had been sleeping restlessly during the past nights and now he was about to wake her up in the middle of the night. His fingers, cold from the biting winter air outside despite the warming charms he had cast, touched her shoulder and, as gently as he could, he woke her up.

Hermione opened her eyes with effort and took in the strange look on Harry’s face. “Harry? What’s going on?” She took a look around, expecting something to have happened, half-expecting to see that Ron had come back.

“Nothing, Hermione. Get dressed, there’s something we have to do. Hurry,” he said, not even bothering to explain. He wanted to fix what he had broken.

He turned away to give her some privacy but Hermione wouldn’t let him off the hook like that. “Harry, what happened?”

He shook his head, “Nothing, I told you. Please, Hermione.” His voice almost cracked. He didn’t want to tell her what he had planned, didn’t want her to spout logical arguments against this latest stunt of his.

“But –” Hermione started to say, when Harry cut her off.

“Hermione, do you trust me?” He asked her and he looked into her eyes, as though they might provide answers to all his unasked question.

“Harry, you know that I –”

“Hermione,” he repeated, “do you trust me?” The forlorn look in his eyes startled her, caused her breath to hitch for just a moment.

The look in her eyes softened. “Always,” she breathed. “I trust you. Always.”

He didn’t say anything after that, left the tent so she could dress for the cold outside.

When Hermione came out of the tent minutes later, covered in the warmest clothes she had, beaded bag in hand, he whispered the spells needed to undo and shrink the tent and the wards, leaving only one of them.

“Harry, what –” She was at a loss for words. It was very early and still dark outside and she couldn’t see why Harry wanted to leave. The wards hadn’t gone off, they were safe.

“You said you trust me. Put the tent away, quickly,” he ordered. For once she did not protest and when she looked back into his face, he could see that she was trying hard to keep her curiosity and fear in check.

“Take my hand.” He held out his hand to her and the moment she had laid hers into his palm he gripped it tight, whispering another spell to undo the last of the wards and with a crack they were gone.

They reappeared in a small street halfway across the country.

“Where are we, Harry?”

He hesitated, didn’t want to egg her on. “I’m not quite sure, actually. I was here as a child, once. One of the few trips that I was allowed to go on. It must’ve been in primary school. Come on, there’s something I want to show you.”

Hermione nodded, not letting go of the warm hand that was still gripping her own hand.

Silently they marched through the seemingly empty small town they were in. They walked the snow-covered streets carefully, trying not to slip on the icy cobblestones. In some houses the lights were already on, people were getting ready to go to work and school. A child stood in one of the windows, peering out to see the snow falling and a pair of strangers walking past the trees of the park.

Harry led the way, steering them towards the town centre until he stopped in front of the town’s church.

“Harry? What are we doing here?” She asked, trying not to let the questions she really wanted to ask spill over. Why have you brought me here? What if Ron will never come back? What if we get caught? What if I don’t want to let go of this, of this adventure, of having only each other?
“I wasn’t sure if you were religious but I thought it would be nice. The church is really nice inside. When I was here, it was deep winter and I saw the sunset through the windows,” he explained without really explaining anything at all.

For a moment he simply looked at her, giving her hand a squeeze, and then he whispered “Alohomora” to open the doors of the church.

“Hermione, I can’t give you a peaceful sunset. I can’t give you Ron. I can’t even give you the promise that you will make it out of here. I’m not sure we will. But I can give you faith. Have faith that we can make it through this. Have faith that one day this will all be over and you will be back with your parents.” The words stumbled out of his mouth and he had difficulty to form them into proper sentences. There was so much he wanted to tell Hermione. Have faith that I will always try to do the right thing by you. Have faith that one day we will be a legend, having defeated the darkest wizard of our time. Have faith that, whatever happens, I will try to make up for the unhappy weeks I forced upon you.

Hermione looked into his eyes for a long time, her eyes glittered with unshed tears, almost as though she was trying to show him the things she couldn’t say. “You don’t have to promise me anything, Harry. I don’t – we don’t need a sunset when we can have a sunrise. We don’t need Ron.” She wasn’t sure if this was true but she needed to say this nonetheless. She had to say this or she would never stop being angry and mad at him. “If we never get out of here, if we never make it out of this town – being here with you, it will be enough.”

Adorable (Helga, Rowena) PG-13 - 1/1

scatteredintime — Mon, 06 Sep 2010 01:12:11 GMT

adorable [1/1] 452. pg-13.
helga hufflepuff (harry potter). rowena ravenclaw (harry potter). rowena/helga.
Helga has to change her back, but she's so adorable. Even pissed off.

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Author's Notes: Drabble. AU. Prompt: Rowena/Helga, strawberry shortcake, a zen garden, an itty bitty kitten, the Room of Requirement, an unfortunate Charms mistake, a pipe stuffed with pungent tobacco.

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“Here, kitty kitty! Come here, kitty,” Helga cooed softly when she finally found the cute black kitten that was originally Rowena in the Room of Requirement. She pried her eyes off the little kitten for a moment to take a look at the room. Every time she was in here, she was amazed by what her fellow friends and she had managed to do. This time around it was a small zen garden, obviously Rowena had been looking for a place to soothe her nerves.

From the way said kitten bucked and grumbled however, it wasn’t quite soothing enough. Rowena definitely didn’t find her current dilemma half as amusing as everyone else, but Helga couldn’t help but beam at the look of her. Her blue eyes were just as piercing as they were on the human Rowena and the blue bow around her small neck was just adorable.

“Come here, darling, I’ve got the antidote for your little Charms mishap,” she went on, but Rowena the kitten only eyed her sceptically. “It’s in the strawberry shortcake, silly. Sal and I know that you’d rather stay a kitten than touch those foul smelling potions of his. Although you are very adorable to look at,” she finished with a glint in her eyes. She wouldn’t mind having a kitten although she’d rather have Rowena in full human display than like this.

Grumpy as she was already, Rowena the kitten did not take this in very well. Adorable. Pah. She wanted to get back to her research, adorable or not. And she wanted to hex the bollocks off the person who did this to her. But oh, she could do adorable if Helga wanted it so badly. She had a decided about her as she snorted in defiance and trotted away. She could play with the bushes all day long, if she had to.

“Oh, come on, darling. You know I didn’t mean it in a bad way. You make a very adorable kitten but I’d rather have you glower at me in human form. Eat the shortcake. Now.” And with that she set the potion-injected shortcake on the floor and waited for Rowena to come – which she did – and eat it – which she did – and transform back – which happened right thereafter.

“I expect a thank you for that,” Helga said with a wink. “We could’ve left you as a kitten all day long.”

“Fine,” Rowena grumbled, “thank you. Here, have this,” she said and gave Helga a deep kiss. “That enough of a thank you?”

“For now, yes, darling.”

“Good. Can we go after Godric, that oaf, now, so I can hex his bollocks off and transfigure him into a pipe stuffed with pungent tobacco?”

“Of course, dear.”

Reciprocation (Hermione, Padma) PG - 1/1

scatteredintime — Mon, 06 Sep 2010 01:03:01 GMT

reciprocation [1/1] 519. pg.
hermione granger (harry potter). padma patil (harry potter). hermione/padma.
Hermione has to tell her or else she'll never be able to concentrate on her homework.

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Author's Notes: Drabble. AU. Prompt: lesbian pairings, something really sweet.

-

So maybe this wasn’t the right place or the right time but then again it never was. She couldn’t wait forever for something to happen. It just wouldn’t work out that way.

From what she gathered, she had to do the first step. It wasn’t that bad, really. She was a Gryffindor after all. She was supposed to be brave and – oh well, she wasn’t all that brave. What if she messed it up somehow? What if her interest wasn’t reciprocated?

She sighed. Only one way to find out. With a mournful look towards her books – she just couldn’t concentrate as long as this situation wasn’t cleared up – she left the common room and headed towards the other tower that held dormitories.

As she passed the Arithmancy corridor on her way, she felt better about herself. Yes, she had actually calculated the possibilities (with the added help of a bit of Runes knowledge) of how this could go and if she hadn’t made a mistake – she never made any mistakes, thank you very much! – there were several good outcomes and only a few bad ones. This wasn’t so bad. She could do this.

She mustered up all the courage she could find within her and quickened her steps until she stood in front of the Ravenclaw common room. Really. This was way too easy to get into. A smart riddle? She could do this. No sooner said than done she was in. Good. Now to find – oh there she was!

“Padma?” She asked as she came closer to the girl in question. “Could we maybe speak somewhere, alone?”

“Hermione? What are you doing in here? Is this about the Runes homework? I thought we would meet up tomorrow with the study group.”

“No, this isn’t about Runes. I wanted to talk to you.”

“Okay. Let’s head outside the common room, then.”

“Thank you.”

Silently she followed Padma out of the room and then to the left and to the right and to the left again, through a door, to the right again and then straight forward until they arrived at a balcony. The view was rather spectacular and she couldn’t help but admire it.

“What did you want to talk about?”

“Hm? Oh, right,” she mumbled, not once turning her gaze away from the beautiful countryside below her. “I was doing homework earlier or at least trying to but I just couldn’t really concentrate because I was thinking about you. This has been going on for a while now, actually. The thinking about you, I mean. And I couldn’t go on like this, so I came here. I just had to talk to you and–”

“Hermione?”

“Sorry. What I am trying to say is, I think I am in love with you.” She turned around and looked right into Padma’s eyes. Nothing. She couldn’t detect anything in them. She knew this would go the wrong way! She just knew it.

“Well, that’s what I wanted to tell you. I’m sorry. I should go now, I really didn’t mean to–”

“Hermione?”

“Yes?”

“Would you just stand still?”

And with that Padma leaned forward and gave one Hermione Granger her very first kiss.

Beaches (Neville, Ginny, Luna) G - 1/1

scatteredintime — Mon, 06 Sep 2010 00:55:02 GMT

beaches [1/1] 147. g.
neville longbottom (harry potter). luna lovegood (harry potter). neville/luna
The couple spends their anniversary at a beach.

-

Author's Notes: Drabble. AU. Prompt: Luna/Neville, summer, the beach, back to school.

-

He closed the door behind them and let her take in the view before stepping beside her. This was exactly what he had hoped for and more. The Room of Requirement had really outdone itself this time. There was sand and palm trees and sun beds and even a pitcher of the sangria that she loved so much! It was perfect and he really hoped she liked it.

"I though you might like to see a beach that is not prone to be invaded by a giant squid," Neville murmured. Even after all these months he was still so nervous around her. Yet, he couldn't be happier when she turned around and grinned at him.

"I really love it. Thank you." With a flip of her fingers she held out her hand for him to take.

A day at the beach was just a perfect way to celebrate their anniversary.

Very Much Like Her (Neville, Ginny, Luna) G - 1/1

scatteredintime — Mon, 06 Sep 2010 00:49:40 GMT

very much like her [1/1] 255. g.
neville longbottom (harry potter).ginny weasley (harry potter). neville/luna.
Neville runs into Ginny and they talk about his wife.

-

Author's Notes: Ficlet. AU. Character's aren't mine. Prompt: Luna/Neville.

-

The first person he encountered was Ginny. Thank Merlin she worked for the Ministry. He wouldn't have liked to ask random people about where to find his wife or her best friend. "Have you seen Luna anywhere, Ginny?"

"Neville! Hi! What are you doing here? And no, sorry, haven't seen her. She might be in the Department of Mysteries again." Ginny explained quickly, thinking about when the last time was that she had seen Luna. It definitely had been before lunch break, of that she was sure. With a smile she thought about how almost nothing had changed. They weren't exactly at school anymore, but they were still in the same building and Luna was still the same strange person that she held so dear. And Neville was just a darling, they way he took care of his family, of Luna.

"The Department of Mysteries? But she doesn't work for them. Why would she go – wait, no. Don't answer that." Of course, Luna would be the one person to find her way into the Department of Mysteries without actually working there and without getting thrown out.

"Yeah, I think they want to hire her. They borrow her every now and then. Well, she goes down there every now and then. But that's Luna for you."

Neville nodded. That sounded very much like his wife.

"Well, I'm going to go and find her then. She can't have come far," he said with a wink and waved her goodbye.

"Be sure to give her a kiss. She's been dreamy again, today!"

"I will!"

Seven Minutes In Heaven (Parvati, Millicent) PG-13 - 1/1

scatteredintime — Mon, 06 Sep 2010 00:43:30 GMT

seven minutes in heaven [1/1] 1,001. pg-13.
parvati patil (harry potter). millicent bulstrode (harry potter). all seventh years. parvati/millie.
The 7th Years don't know how to spend their last evening at Hogwarts.

-

Author's Notes: Ficlet. AU. Character's aren't mine. Written for a pairing prompt.

-

It was their last night before the Leaving Feast – their last one! – and they were bored. They had to do something. There had to be something fun that everyone liked to do. "So what exactly are we going to do now?" Dean finally asked the dreaded question and expectantly looked into the round. He shook his head. They all looked rather clueless. Except for Neville, who promptly replied, "I don't really know. We could play Exploding Snap?"

"What? Have you gone completely bonkers? This is our last night here, I am not going to play Exploding Snape with you!"

"Well, couldn't we just get drunk then?" Seamus asked hopefully.

"No. Boring. Come on, someone must have an idea. Harry, what do you say?"

"Well, we could go to the Room of Requirement! Maybe it knows what we should do." Harry mused, not realising that he had apparently had the best idea ever. It wasn't long before his friends pounced on him.

"Yes, let's!" "Brilliant idea, mate!" "Why didn't I think of that?" Never had they agreed on something so quickly. Even the girls were all for it!

The way to the room was rather short, apparently Hogwarts wanted them to arrive quickly, and so they stood in front of the door in less than ten minutes. In front of the door. A door. There shouldn't have been a door.

"There's already someone in there, isn't there?" Ron asked and took in the nods of his friends. "Well, I don't know about you, but I don't care. Let's go in there." With that he grabbed the door handle and pulled it open. One look inside and it was clear: Everyone had thought of this. All the Seventh Years from Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff and Slytherin were in there already and the room looked rather comfy.

Ron was about to ask if they could join them, when Blaise Zabini shouted, "Well, come on in, there's enough space for everyone." Just as he said that, a bunch of armchairs and huge pillows appeared, matching the ones that were already there.

"Well, you heard him, let's join 'em!" Ron shouted enthusiastically and was about to skip into the room when someone held him back.

It turned out to be Dean. "Are you sure, Ron? The Slytherins are in there as well."

"So what? It's our last night, people! I surely won't try to kill them and I doubt they'll waste their time trying to off us, either. So get in!" Ron finished and pulled away from his house mates. He wanted to have fun and if that included the other houses, so be it.

The rest of the Gryffindors quickly followed, shedding all worries at the door of the room. They were here to have fun and fun they had!

There was firewhiskey, spiked butterbeer and a huge buffet of food. Someone had brought his radio, as well. There was something for everyone to have fun with.

As the night went on, the soon-to-be-graduated students were getting more and more open with each other, partly due to the alcohol, partly due to their will to let bygones be bygones.

A group of people sat together chatting, while other groups were playing games.

"This is getting boring, you guys. Can't we spice it up a bit?" Lavender asked. They were playing Spin The Bottle and she really really didn't want to do any more of this. "Couldn't we add a part to it? Do you all know Seven Minutes In Heaven?" She looked around to see most of the people nod. "If you don't know it, have someone explain it to you. Anyway, I say we spin the bottle to determine who has to go in the closet." She had barely said the last word when a door appeared in the corner behind them, obviously to a closet.

"I'm all for it!" Ernie all but yelled, slyly glancing at Susan, who sat on his left side.

Lavender continued, "Anyone got any problems with it? No? Well, then let's start."

Their game quickly evolved into a fest of laughter. While the chosen people were in the closet, the others couldn't help but guess what they were up to. Lavender had to go in with Draco, Susan and Hannah proverbially came out of the closet together, and even Goyle and Pansy didn't seem all that fazed.

They had been doing this for several rounds already, new people joining their game every now and then, when Parvati had to go in with Millicent Bulstrode.

The second the door closed behind them, both of them began to giggle.

"I wonder what they're going to say about us while we're in here," Parvati gasped between bouts of giggling. She had been waiting for this all evening.

Millie only winked at her. "I am not sure I want to know, really. What do you think, how about some making out with your dear girlfriend? Up for it?"

"Always!" The word had barely left her mouth when Millie pressed her lips onto hers. Gods, they had missed each other over the last days. The end of school time was a rather close affair. The Seventh Years were all sticking together like glue these days, most of the time you could find all of them huddled together in their respective house. And so it had been rather difficult to sneak away to see each other. But thank Merlin it was only one more day and then they could see each other whenever they wanted.

When they came back up for air, Parvati voiced what she had been thinking about all weekend.

"Millie, I am thinking-" she started, but Millie interrupted her.

"That we should get out and tell them?"

"That too. But I was thinking more along the lines of moving in together." Parvati smiled at her hopefully.

For a fleeting moment Millie was speechless. "What? Move in together? Are you serious? Parvati, of course! I'd love to!" She couldn't hold back and pulled her girlfriend close to give her another passionate kiss to seal what she had said.

Neither of them noticed that the door opened and everyone saw them.

Dear Diary, He Left Me (Ginny) G - 1/1

scatteredintime — Mon, 06 Sep 2010 00:34:20 GMT

dear diary, he left me [1/1] 479. g. spoilers for book 7.
ginny weasley (harry potter).
Shortly after the Trio leave for their big adventure, Ginny tries to express her thoughts to her diary.

-

Author's Notes: Ficlet. AU. Character's aren't mine. Prompt was: 'For this challenge you should write a journal entry, or entries, by any character. This can be set during a canon time, or not, it's up to you.'

-

Dear Diary,

He left me. That's all I can think about these days.

He left me. I love him so much and I know he loves me the same.

He left me. Said it was for my own good and protection. He told me that he was putting me in unnecessary danger by associating with me. I understand that he's scared. I understand that he can't bear losing the people he loves. But right now I could tear into him and hurt him until I stop hurting. Right now I hate him so much. I know he's afraid that everyone he loves is going to get killed because him but I wish he'd stop pushing everyone away.

If I am pursued and hunted down by Death Eaters, there's a chance that it may be because of our relationship but it might as well be for being a blood traitor. They're not going to stop just because Harry Potter cuts all his ties. I wish he'd understand that he's hurting not only me or himself but everyone.

He left me to go on a (probably dangerous) trip with Ron and Hermione. Doesn't he realise that one more person might make a huge difference? I don't know what they're up to, I don't know what Dumbledore told him, but now is not the time to push your family away in order to follow Dumbledore's orders. We're supposed to stick together, aren't we? Why, for Merlin's sake, did he have to leave me?

I'm not saying that the fourth person should've been me, you know. I'll keep fighting for our side no matter where I am and who I am with, but I feel so betrayed. You see, he decided that Ron was okay to come with him when he loves him as a brother and he's putting him in more danger than ever before. They don't even have the support of the Order if something happens wherever they may be. They only have each other and who knows whether or not Ron and Hermione are going to get their act together. He might as well be alone if that happens.

I don't want to whine about how unfair it is that he didn't take me with him. I know it's not fair on him when they're been best friends forever. They're like their own family. It's always been Ron over anyone else in our family for Harry. I'm not going to change that and I don't really want to. He deserves a family like that. I just wish he hadn't cast me aside for my protection and broken up with me. There could've been other ways to keep us safe. Breaking up is not going to change You-Know-Who's opinion or that of his Death Eaters. They won't stop until they've hunted down the very last of us.

And being left by him won't change that I love him.

Starcrossed (River, Amy, Eleven) PG - 1/1

scatteredintime — Sat, 08 May 2010 13:36:23 GMT

starcrossed [1/1] 1,355. pg. spoilers for season 5.
river song (doctor who). amy pond (doctor who). eleventh doctor (doctor who). amy/river.
under the stars we make promises that we can keep.

-

Author's Notes: Ficlet. AU. Character's aren't mine. Quite possibly a ~~lot~~ bit OOC. Sorry about that. Extremely cheesy, I am afraid.

-

He convinces her not to kiss him anymore. He can be very convincing. If only she weren’t so stubborn. If only he were better at distracting her. Oh, but she is brilliant. She is pretty much distracting herself now.

“Doctor, who exactly is she?”

“Who is who?” He fiddled around on the console, wondering what those other buttons were able to do.

“River Song. Who is she?” He could almost the question she was actually asking. Again. Is she your wife?

“She’s not my wife.”
“I know that.”

“You know that? Why did you ask then?” Oh, he knew he wasn’t making sense to her. But maybe it would stop her from thinking about it. There was just something that struck him as odd about this whole situation.

“I didn’t. I want to know who she is.”

“River Song is…” He stopped to think. Who was she? He didn’t know either. But something was odd about this situation, about Amelia Pond asking him questions about River Song.

*

Weeks later they are walking on a purple planet when she speaks of River again.

“Doctor, how do you know her?”

“Know whom?” He stops, dreading her answer.

“River Song. How do you know her?” When she notices that he isn’t walking beside her anymore she turns around, frowning and flicking her hair.

“We… we first met in a library. Had a run-in with the Vashta Nerada, you know. I told you about those. She was there with a team of – well, doesn’t matter. She was there and that’s how we met.” He stops himself from telling Amy more than she needs to know. He just isn’t sure if it would do any good to tell her what had happened. To tell her what River had told him. Amy would only ask more questions, would only be more insistent to know more about River.

*

She doesn’t talk of River again until much much later. Something has changed within her. Oh, any normal – well, as normal as can be in a universe full of aliens – being would say that there is nothing wrong with her. And there isn’t. She is just as Amelia Pond-ish as she had been the day they first met. But, oh, he knows something is different. He can almost smell it. She’s changed. When she’s alone in her room she spends hours thinking and pondering to the point of brooding until she falls asleep. She’s subdued when left alone, wondering about the wonders of the universe, tinkering away on fantastical imaginations in her mind.

She’s the same and then again she isn’t. And he knows this just has something to do with River Song when she asks him to make a trip to the 51st century.

*

He lets her wander off on her own. He’s not a fan of this idea but the TARDIS won’t stop bugging him about leaving her alone, giving her the opportunity to find herself again.

He should have known that the TARDIS had it all figured out. Typical. And the only one who didn’t know was he, the Doctor. But now he is observing them. Amelia Pond and River Song.

He tells himself that he’s doing it for her own good, but the TARDIS reminds him that he is a nosy Time Lord with too much time on his hands. She lets him watch his companion anyway.

They are almost crying with joy when they meet. They hug and hug and don’t let go. They’re so unspeakably happy to see each other that it scares them to ever be without the other.

The TARDIS won’t let him see everything but he isn’t called a genius for nothing. He has a strong feeling of what’s going on between the two women. They’re kissing and hugging and kissing some more. He knew it. He’s known that something is going on between them since the moment they said goodbye to River after the crash of the Byzantium, but he had tried to ignore it. Something had told him not to notice it. The TARDIS probably, mindful girl that she is.

But now he sees the whole story. He sees them flirt and laugh and enjoy each other’s company and it makes him smile (all the while pretending that there is nothing creepy about staring at the monitor for hours upon hours, spying on his companion).

“I want to stay here,” Amy says to River, lying in her arms, a position more comfortable with this strange woman who was nothing more than an acquaintance to her than it had ever been with Rory. For a split second she felt regret and guilt. He didn’t deserve her, didn’t deserve her falling out of love with him.

“I want you to stay here,” River replies, planting a soft kiss on Amy’s hair. “But you can’t.” She continues stroking Amy’s arms, trying to fill her with the love that has taken place in her heart the moment she had seen Amy.

“Why not?”

The Doctor is tempted to shut off the screen but the TARDIS takes over his brain. He is meant to see this. He is meant to watch Amy. So he watches and listens. River explains why they cannot stay together. Amy nods in understanding. The screen displays only a blurry something. Apparently, they kiss and hug and kiss some more.

“We’re starcrossed lovers, aren’t we?” The way Amy says it is half sad and half funny. She’s crying and giggling and kissing River again, smoothing her hands over River’s face, then her shoulders, her arms, anything she can grab; she wants to stay.

“I daresay we are. But we will meet again, Amy. I promise you. We will have enough time to be together, to stay with each other, to love each other. It is not our time yet and until it is there will be an end to every encounter between us. But I promise you, Amy, we will have our time. We will meet again and again and again and at one point we will be together for good. I love you, Amy.”

It’s the strangest thing that’s ever happened to Amelia Pond. Oh, there were strange things; the crack in the wall, the Daleks, the Weeping Angels that still give her nightmares. But this thing is the strangest of all. River only just met her for the very first time in her timeline and already she speaks of love.

And if fills Amy’s heart so much, she thinks it’s going to burst. She’s filled with excitement and anticipation, with joy and a tiny wink of sadness, but mostly she is filled with love. She knows what she has to do. “I will think of you every day, River Song. I’ll think of you when I look at the stars and the universe, knowing that you are waiting for me, knowing you are looking at the same stars, the same universe. I’ll come back, River. I promise.”

He turns off the monitor, this time the TARDIS does not interfere. He has a feeling that Amy will sleep better now, that she will do less pondering and more enjoying. When she comes back into the TARDIS she smiles and almost dances towards him. She’s back again, knowing that whatever she is going to do in the future while waiting for the one day that she’s going to be with River again, it doesn’t matter. She’s going to have fun and live her life the way she promised to River until they meet again and again and again.

*

The Doctor watches over her every day. Sometimes they take trips to Earth and she wants to stay there for a while but he never forgets that it is his job to watch over her. His encounters with River make more sense now. She’s not his wife, not an incarnation of himself, she’s nothing quite so daunting. She’s his companion’s future – and thus also his, because even though unspoken he knows what River asks of him – and when he looks at Amelia Jessica Pond from Leadworth he knows that he would do anything to make this little human happy.

END.

World Spins Madly On (Severus, Lily) PG-13 - 1/1

scatteredintime — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 01:28:26 GMT

world spins madly on [1/1] 1,760. pg-13. spoilers for part of book 5.
severus snape (harry potter). lily evans (harry potter).
Sometimes he had blamed everything on Lily.

-

Author's Notes: Ficlet. AU. Character's aren't mine. Inspired by 'World Spins Madly On' by The Weepies.

-

The whole world was moving but he was standing still. That was what it felt like. He was still fifteen, even more than twenty years later. He was still in love with Lily and he was still regretting that he had ever uttered that disgusting insult.

He wished he could take it back. He wished he could’ve been less of an idiot. He had grown up with her; he had grown to love her as they had become older. Where had it begun? Where had his idiocy begun? But no, he hadn’t been an idiot. Idiots didn’t know what they were doing. Gryffindors were idiots. But he, Severus, he had grown up in the snakes den thinking about everything that he said. Slytherins didn’t do or say anything without thinking it through. He had been raised to think before acting, to always keep a clear head.

So why had he called Lily a mudblood? Why had he done it? It had been so many years since that incident but he still couldn’t help but wonder. He had known what he was saying. He had deliberately called her that name and he had intentionally hurt her. He just didn’t know why. He hadn’t known back then and he didn’t know now. Maybe it had been because he was simply so mad at the whole world.

The moment he said it, he wanted to die. He shouldn’t have done it. He shouldn’t have even thought it. He was mad. He was mad at Potter and Black for doing this to him, he was mad at Lupin for not doing anything when he was a prefect, he was mad at himself for getting in their way again. He was not mad at Lily. It was just… she was there and she helped him like she always did, but by now he should be able to defend himself. He loved her as a friend, he was in love with her though she would never know of this, but her idea of helping him had humiliated him even further. And then he said that disgraceful thing to her. She wasn’t a mudblood, not to him. She was heaven and earth and everything in between. But she wasn’t a lesser kind of witch. The opposite, really. Lily was brilliant and intelligent and he wished she hadn’t been sorted in Gryffindor. Ravenclaw would have been great. Merlin, she could’ve even been a Slytherin. But no, she had to be Gryffindor and she had to defend him like this when he was already embarrassed and furious and hurt.

Oh, he knew that she hadn’t meant to do him any harm by standing up to the mighty Potter. No, she had only meant to be a friend. And he had fucked up royally. Her act of kindness had hurt him even more and in his rage against himself he had lashed out and hurt her. He had hurt the one person that dared to be his friend and he didn’t know how to make it okay again.

He had tried to make it up to her. He had. But his fall from grace had been deeper than anyone could’ve assumed. No. Lily had known him to be a person who spoke his mind and she had taken his insult like anything else that he said; she had taken it for the truth.

“Lily, listen to me! I’m sorry!” They were still partners in Potions but something had changed. She didn’t talk to him anymore unless it involved the potion they were making. It had been a week and he had tried everything he could think of. He had followed her to the library, he had waited for her after classes, he had even followed her to the girls bathroom on the second floor once and waited there for her, but she refused to even look at him. It was as though he didn’t exist anymore. Oh, throughout the years he had been at the other end of her wand enough times to lose count but this was different. She wasn’t just mad at him and being a stubborn redhead about it. She was severing their ties. Sometimes he caught her sneaking glances at him from the other end of the room; they were filled with disappointment and hurt. He didn’t know how he could ever make it right again. But he would try.

He had tried and failed. It had taken weeks until she had at least heard him out but even then she had been set to never forgive him.

He had known that he wouldn’t gain her forgiveness even before he began to explain himself. She looked stern and indifferent, a sure sign that she would hear him out because it was the polite thing to do. She didn’t want to forgive him. If only she know how he felt. If only she knew what it meant to be Severus Snape.

“Lily, I am sorry. I am so sorry. I never should have said that.” He wanted to take her hands to make her feel that he was still her friend. He wanted to make her look him in the eyes so she could see that he spoke the truth. He wanted to kiss her so badly to show her that nothing had changed except that he was in love with her. He wished he could let her inside his mind. If only she could see how living with the Slytherins and having a muggle-born girl as his best friend was like. She didn’t understand. She never would unless she tried to see it, and she wasn’t trying. He could see it in her face. She had already said goodbye to her best friend, he was only some student now that she had to listen to because of the kind soul she was. It was too late for Severus.

After that stupid incident Lily had kept away from him. They partnered up in Potions until the end of the year and from sixth year on they went their separate ways without speaking a word to each other. Oh, he had tried to apologise time and again. He had written her a letter, he had come to her house in the summer holidays, he had yelled after her…

“Lily! Would you please listen to me? I said I’m sorry a hundred times already! I never meant to say what I said! You have to believe me, Lily. Please, believe me.” He was on the verge of crying and Severus hadn’t cried for years. But this… her rejection, her stubborn grip on indifference… it made him want to cry until he couldn’t shed another tear. She had been his best friend and now she wasn’t. He made one mistake but she didn’t even give him a chance to redeem himself. She had chosen to sever their friendship and wouldn’t go back on that.

‘That’s why the hat put her in Gryffindor. Because she’s stubborn and impulsive and does whatever she thinks is the right thing to do,’ he thought. It made sense. Only that he wished it didn’t. He didn’t want it to make sense if it meant he could never have her back.

He must’ve looked wrecked; he was kneeling on the dirty ground, begging her to accept his apology. But he would do anything for her. Anything. She must’ve seen the devastation in his eyes, because for once she didn’t leave him in silence.

“You have to mean it, Severus.” And with that she walked away.

He was baffled. He did mean it. He wouldn’t be grovelling on the ground for her if he didn’t mean it. He wouldn’t… he wouldn’t apologise in the first place if he didn’t mean it and he was sure Lily knew that. He couldn’t believe it. How could she cast him aside so quickly?

“Lily! Come back! Lily, I mean what I said!” he yelled after her but she kept on walking. “Lily, I love you and I’m sorry and I miss you and I want you back as my best friend and I’m in love with you and I wish I had never called you that name and…” and he didn’t know what to say anymore. She couldn’t hear him anymore, she was too far away, she was gone. From his life.

… and then they hadn’t talked another word until two years later when he had made an even worse mistake.

Dumbledore had sent him to fetch Evans. That was the only reason why he was even near the Head Girl’s room. He hadn’t talked to Lil- Evans! for almost two years and they had both changed. She was now with that Potter and he had chosen his master. He knocked and when she opened the door he quickly relayed to her what Dumbledore had said to him and then he turned around and stalked away.

When he heard her reply, he was out of sight already. He voice wasn’t much louder than a whisper but he got her message.

“Thank you. And I’m sorry. I heard what you said that day and I am sorry. I accept your apology.”

Resigned he closed his eyes. He was sorry, too. He had been sorry for two years. They had chosen their respective paths and there was no turning back now. Being sorry changed nothing.

Sometimes he had blamed everything on Lily. He had told himself that it was Lily’s fault. He wouldn’t have joined the Death Eaters if it hadn’t been for her rejection and he wouldn’t have ultimately been the one to sentence her to death either. Sometimes he was sure that it was all Lily’s fault.

Most of the time he knew that he had dug his own grave way back in fifth year. Just associating with those in his house that called other people mudbloods had driven him towards the path he had taken. Had he not spent time with them, he wouldn’t have had to use appropriate vocabulary in their presence and he never would’ve insulted Lily that way. It was his own fault in many ways. Oh, Lily had a lot to do with it, but ultimately it was his own fault and nobody but Severus was to blame.

He knew that now. He had known it back in fifth year already, although he hadn’t had a clue of what his insult would set in motion. He had fucked everything up and the world spun on when all he wanted was for it to stop.

END.

quotes archive.

derschatzi — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 10:01:54 GMT

image credit

Passing By (poetry) - PG - 1/1

derschatzi — Sun, 26 Apr 2009 16:04:04 GMT

passing by [1/1] 151. pg. poetry.
In the end, the traffic light decides

-

Author's Notes: Hello, random poem at three in the morning! This was my output for class about the outcry of the Philippines today. That said, I don't know where this came from.

-

Green has us rushing to a go,
red halts us to a complete standstill,
somewhere in between, yellow leaves second thoughts.

Car windows being knocked on by dirty hands,
pity and Catholic guilt compels something to be done,
but in the end, the traffic light decides.

People on the pedestrian lane, uncaring,
rushing forth when the sign blinks, equally aloof.
Ignore the skywalk! It's nothing until you get caught.

Following rules, too idealistic for one's taste.
They're Jaywalking anyway, why can't I do the same thing?
An outcry? Not so much. Getting fined? That’s more likely.

The lights change, that’s a signal to follow suit,
but at every stop-and-go, everything remains the same.
So much for waiting on the world to change.

But there's still a long way to go,
and all the lights that guide the way are blinding [1]
before we fall to decay, and the world doesn't follow.

[1] – Wonderwall by Oasis
(What’s the Story) Morning Glory? 1995

Freedom (fiction) PG-13 - 1/1

scatteredintime — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 21:25:21 GMT

freedom [1/1] 1804. pg-13. fiction.
a dystopian short-story in which we discuss the end of the world.

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Author's Note: This is part of my English class and my group and I are rather proud that we managed to put in as much fandom stuff as possible. Recognize anything?

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3047. The world was dark. The night ruled over the day. Only artificial light to reduce that blackness. Streetlights everywhere, flashlights and lamps. These were the only light sources these days, powered by “Sunshine Factories”, the single most important electricity supplier on planet Earth. The way of life was simple. We worked for companies and in return we were given a place to live and food to eat. But no one knew that these companies were owned by The Government. There was only one government, ruling over the world, and no one knew what they were doing. No one but us. However, I am getting ahead of myself. I am going to tell you my story, the story of Jane Doe 66747. This is the story of how Jane Doe 66747 died.

It was just a day like any other day when ‘John Doe 15523’ left his home a few hours before curfew. It wasn’t custom anymore to give your children a real name. Everyone was just John or Jane Doe. In fact, it was forbidden to call and be called someone by any other name. The Government thought that people who didn’t completely follow the laws were bound to be resistance. They didn’t know how right they were.

John was one of the poor and his home was hardly more than a shack, but he was glad to have it. He was employed by one of the companies as a mechanic and worked hard to take care of his family.

As he walked down the street he kept glancing over his shoulder out of habit. You never knew when you were being shadowed. Three blocks farther he entered a bigger building, windows hidden behind wooden planks.

“Hey there!”, John waved at one of the men standing behind the computer.

“As promised, I’ve brought the last pieces.” A simple sentence like that had everyone stop whatever they were doing. A big man turned around and focused on John.

“You got them?”

“Yeah. Was one hell of job to get them though.” As if on cue an even bigger man stepped up to John, but it wasn’t a man. It was one of those cyborgs who had been working with the resistance group for several months now.

“That’s brilliant, mate. We can start next week then.”

“Sure. Just don’t forget to mobilize the EVACs before to get everyone out of here”, John reminded them. He knew they wouldn’t forget but it always felt much more real if things were said. They were really going through with it.

Over the week he had to tell himself over and over again that this wasn’t just a dream. They were really going to do something against The Government and their plans.

The day before “the action”, as they called it, John recalled everything that had happened so far. While at work he remembered how it had all begun. His work was rather dull and so he had lots of time on his hands to be used for some serious thinking.

When he was a young boy his father had told him about how the world had used to be, filled with sun and happiness. But then all governments all over the world had united and The Government was created. The leaders had decided to leave the work to lower officials, designed their perfect world and had then made connections with electricity suppliers all over the world to establish the environment that now existed.

Rumor had it that they wanted to take over the world completely but inside sources had told John and his friends a different story. There was another planet just like the one they were living on which bore such resemblance to the Earth that it could’ve been mistaken for the same place in a parallel universe. It had been created by The Government and they wanted to settle on this planet with a better “human” race. That one would include the cyborgs John and his men had met. These were only partly artificial, as they had human brains that had been implanted to ensure that they could use the range of knowledge that a fully used brain would provide. Even artificial intelligence couldn’t account for everything, after all it consisted only of calculations and particular programming.

Without the cyborgs’ inside knowledge the group wouldn’t have found out about anything at all. It was disturbing when they first learned that they were all working for The Government somehow. Especially John had been appalled by that idea, considering that he worked as a mechanic and therefore had to do with the production of those machines that were supposed to outlive them and take over the world.

Harry, that was the name that they had given their cyborg, was different though. Usually the brain implants worked like a super computer but Harry’s had been from a resistance fighter. They didn’t know how it happened but the real Harry never truly left. There was still a part of what cyborg-Harry called his “essence” in the brain and now cyborg-Harry and real Harry had merged into one being that was more like real Harry just with some fierce technology as a body.

It had taken a few days to complete The Weapon but now they were on their way to freedom. On D-day, shortly before midnight, right after the proclaimed nightfall they brought their families to an inconspicuous small warehouse at the other end of the city. If it hadn’t been such a terrifying situation, some would’ve deemed it funny to go there. They were literally hiding in plain sight. No one from The Government knew that the means to freedom of the suppressed humans was right in front of their eyes.

John was relieved to see everything in place. They didn’t have a lot of time so they ushered everyone into the EVACs. These didn’t look like they’d be suited for their journey but Harry had calculated everything and they were just perfect for their endeavor.

The leader of the group and John sat in the first and Harry in the second shuttle. They were the ones who would direct the group out of here and make sure that the plan was executed flawlessly.

Harry flew ahead with The Weapon, the one thing that would destroy the shielding that surrounded the planet to cut everyone and everything off from sunlight. The thing that was the reason for the enslavement of the humans by The Government. John and the other were at the very back of their convoy to make sure that no one got lost. Time slowly ticked by as they rose higher and higher and the nervousness that had engulfed everyone didn’t help to assure anyone that this would work. If they didn’t make it, they’d at least die trying.

It felt as if hours had gone by when Harry gave the signal. Everyone hovered where they were as Harry fired off The Weapon. At first nothing seemed to happen. All their hopes were for nothing, or so they thought. A minute later they saw it. A small gleaming stream of something called sunlight. With a smirk John noticed that it wasn’t night as The Government had proclaimed but day. They weren’t high enough yet to escape but they knew that they definitely would. No one working for The Government could get here if they didn’t have the means that the group had.

There was a hole in the shielding screen and it got bigger with each second. Harry gave the second signal and everything was set in motion again. With the goal of all their doings so close no one trailed behind. However, escaping also seemed to get harder with time ticking by. There was a pull that hadn’t been there before like a strong wind that was blowing into their faces trying to pull them back towards the ground.

John could feel that they were getting closer to the hole as it was getting warmer and warmer. Harry had promised that they wouldn’t be barbecued alive but it was still extremely hot. For a second John forgot where he was but the sudden shake to the shuttle brought him back. He realized that this wasn’t supposed to happen and counted two and two together.

The Earth had been confined by a shielding screen for such a long time that the gravitational pull had changed over the centuries. Now they had destroyed part of the screen and the hole was getting bigger and bigger, so the pull collapsed and everything was pulled towards the core of the Earth.

His mind was flooded with panic while he tried to make out if they’d all make it. The third signal from Harry showed him that he was through. It was only a matter of time until everyone was through but John didn’t know if they even had enough time. Every second was important and they were just too slow. He couldn’t help but curse in every possible way. This wasn’t going to work at all. He screamed and yelled at their leader, trying to figure out a way to make the ordeal faster but there was no solution to it.

A few moments of hope were granted to him when he saw that only one more shuttle was before their own but the gravitational force was nothing to smile upon. He couldn’t only feel but see that he was losing control. Their shuttle way at its speed limit but they were still slowing down. He pushed it over its limit but all hope was lost when the last shuttle was through the screen and they had a change in course by an external force. They didn’t make it.

Harry signaled the devastated group to move on. They had all been told that they couldn’t save anyone even if it meant that they lost a loved one. They flew on as they had been taught, unsure and unknowing of what lay ahead except for a new planet that they would call their home. They flew on for days simply following Harry. Some dared to look back to their old planet to see it implode. They had initially thought that there would be happiness about their escape but they felt the loss of two of their people and couldn’t help but wonder what they would now do.

It took many days to get to our new home but now we are finally here. This new Earth is inhabited by creatures similar to the ones that lived on our old planet. We will have to start from scratch now and it will be a hard and long way for each and every one of us. We gave each other names and I am called Freedom. I think my father would’ve liked that.

END

Life Worth Living (non-fiction) M 1/1

scatteredintime — Sat, 06 Dec 2008 17:44:56 GMT

life worth living [1/1] 980. M. non-fiction.
when life isn't worth living anymore

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Author's Notes: I rate this as M because there are some suicide mentions in the text below. However it's not about suicide. It's about life. But depressing as always.

[Note: You don't need to read this if you don't want to. Just scroll down to the end of the AN.] I wrote this almost exactly two years ago after a very hard time. I was depressed and I didn't think it would matter whether or not I was alive. I couldn't confide in my parents (hell, no, they wouldn't've understood) and I didn't think my 'real' friends and I were close enough to discuss something like this. I still don't feel comfortable talking about things like that with those friends. But I learned an important lesson, a lesson that especially counts in our modern times with internet and all that. My online friends helped me through that phase and I'm glad they did.
Back in 2006, November was a month that basically kicked my ass. It was after my birthday and some people who were very dear to me (online people, I must add) hadn't talked to me in months because they were oh so busy. Some other online friends drew back as well because they found better friends than me (that's what I thought) and decreased their contact with me to a minimum. I'm a person who can't connect all that well with the people around me. I love my friends but we don't share many interests. That's why I loved my online friends so much. We simply connected and I really found great friends who I know personally and all that. But back then I felt alone. Really alone. My parents couldn't care less about me, my friends weren't really friends and my online friends were partly offline. And I realized that I was doing something wrong. All I had were people whom I met on the internet. People who weren't real, who couldn't hug me with real arms, who couldn't come over when I cried. People whom I missed to terribly that it hurt to admit it, because how can I miss people whom I never actually met?
But they taught me that I thought wrong. I was wrong about all this. And I saw that I needed real friends but that didn't mean that I couldn't love my online friends just as much. After all they are real people as well, just a little farther away than other people. I still have days when I think "What are you doing? Stop living in a world that isn't real and get a life!". I still don't have a life but I try. I try to connect, I try to keep up with the friends I have around me. It's hard because I'm a loner. I rather spend my time with a book instead of getting drunk in some club. But I learned that I have to accept myself before others can accept me. [/end]

Now why did I tell you all this? It's important for the text below. My views are different today but I still agree with what I wrote. I am not religious but during that time I needed something to hold on to, something that made sense even when it didn't, something that gave me a reason as to why I am here. And I think it's time I posted this.

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Life. What exactly is that? Nothing more than breathing, sleeping, eating, drinking, right? That’s what you think, right? You breathe, you sleep, you eat and you drink. Nothing more, nothing less. Everything else ensues on its own. School, college, work. Every day the same. Is it even worth to live when life looks like that? When every day is like the one before and the one after? Everything repeats itself, day in and day out, month after month, year after year. That’s exactly what you think.

You can’t call that living. You simply exist and that’s what wears you down so much. Nothing works the way you want it to. Nothing, absolutely nothing. There’s no change in your life anymore, no fun, no friends. That’s what you think. You’re so busy that you drift apart. Others live too far way. And suddenly you’re all alone. You wonder why.

Being alone. Who wants that? You think you’ve got no one. And you don’t have any time for that anyway. Time goes by and winter comes. When you leave the house it’s still dark and when you come back it’s already dark. The day is over and you wait for the next. But why? Why go on living when reality looks like that. When nothing works anymore, when you feel so alone that it doesn’t have a point anymore.

And then, out of the blue, one thought comes up. You thought about it often in the last years. Now, everyone would say you’ve gone crazy but you know you haven’t. It’s as simple as that. And every time you think about it, the thought is stronger. You just don’t want to go on anymore. Alone as you are nobody will miss you, you think. In your thoughts you’re already sitting there with the razor in your hand. It seems to be the only way out.

But maybe you think wrong. Ever thought about that? Thinking wrong.

Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get. Every piece of chocolate is a new secret and every day is a new beginning. You mustn’t give up before already. Just because you picked the wrong chocolate doesn’t mean they’re all like that. And maybe the next one you pick will be your favorite.

And then, when you accidentally picked your favorite chocolate, you don’t think about ending it all anymore. In times when you don’t sit crying on your bed, asking yourself whether your life is worth living at all. Sometimes you have good moments, even though you think the whole world is against you.

These are the moments when you’re happy you’re alive. On such good days you might meet someone who shows you how beautiful life can be. A child’s smile can make you smile as well. And you don’t even know the kid.

Or simply someone you were never really close with is there for you and merely listens. Isn’t that when life is worth all the stress? At those times you know that someone is there and is grateful that you are there, too. And you’re happy about that because you want to give this feeling back to him or her. Maybe you don’t really know this person, you have never seen each other before, you’re strangers, but you listen to each other. You tell each other that it’ll get better, that it’s not always like this, that there will be bright days again and not just those miserable gray rain clouds out there. You’re there for each other and even though you may live very far apart, the two of you may be friends.
Friends who trust each other, talk about everything, without seeing each other every day. Friends who know how you really are and most importantly: who you are. Friends who miss each other, worry about each other and cheer each other up again.

Life can never be perfect. You can only learn from mistakes. There can only be good days when there are bad days. And the sun can only rise in the morning when it set the evening before.

What makes life worth living?

Many people answer this question decidedly:
“My family.”
“My friends.”
“My aims for the future.”
“My task in life.”
“My life’s work.”
“My dog…?”
There is so much that’s worth living for.

And when you reach a dead end after all and don’t know what to do anymore, think about this: There are people who suffer much more than we do. People who live in places where war and oppression define every day of their life. People who starve, who are critically ill or who don’t have a home. Or even those people who have to life with all of that. But those people still fight. They fight for their life because sometimes it’s the only thing left. Life is a gift. A gift – maybe from God? Perhaps there really is someone who decided which being should grace the Earth with its presence. Someone who wanted all of this? And if there really is someone who created everything according to his or her own wishes – isn’t it completely pointless and ungrateful to end it all?

Never forget that you live was not your idea and that you breathe not your decision!
Never forget that you live was someone else’s idea and that you breathe a gift for you!
You’re wanted, no child of coincidence, no freak of nature, no matter if you sing your song of life in minor or major…

Live for the things you love to do. Even if it’s just eating ice-cream. A book, a cup of tea, a nice movie. It doesn’t matter. You don’t need to be better, smarter or more unique than other people. You already are unique. And without you someone else might think that life isn’t worth living anymore.

Vanity Fair (non-fiction) - PG - 1/1

derschatzi — Sat, 27 Sep 2008 06:49:21 GMT

vanity fair [1/1] 247. pg. non-fiction.
It's as if she has the world at her feet, and she knows it.

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Author's Note: This is a bit of something I did for Effective Writing class.

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I gaze upon the gleaming surface, and the first thing I notice was the way she stood.

With her hunched shoulders and her shaking limbs, she gives the impression that she had gone through so much, and the ships she sailed had taken their toll on her.

But then I look into those brown orbs, glinting with depth and making me admire how wise she seemed beyond her years.

The expression in her eyes is captivating, brightening her entire gaze with satisfaction.

Reluctantly, I lower my eyes from her stare, taking in her other features: her button nose, the soft curve of her rosy cheeks, the sharpness of her jaw, and the upward curl tugging her lips into a smile. Every single detail is radiant with warmth, tugging at my heartstrings with familiarity and a bit of longing.

Beyond the clear glass, she is almost bursting with confidence I know I will never posses, as well as a firm belief in herself that makes her so intimidating, so invincible. It’s as if she has the world on her feet, and she knows it.

She is the girl I see every single day when I look in the mirror. She looks exactly like I do.

To me, however, she is someone I don’t know. Still, she is the girl I admire and wish to become someday.

She is a fascination.

She is me, only so much better.

The real girl behind the mirror somehow got lost in translation.

Unloved (non-fiction) PG-13 1/1

scatteredintime — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 17:29:14 GMT

unloved [1/1] 1091. pg-13. non-fiction.
How can people fight when they are supposed to love each other?

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Author's Notes: This is kind how I feel right now. Depression always inspires my writing (hence all the depressing stuff).

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Of all the things you think, there are some that go deeper than others. Like…
My mother loves me because I am her child. There’s nothing I could do that would make her furious enough to not love me anymore. She loves me just because I am myself.
The truth however is different. You never really tell anyone how you really feel. When you start to talk about it, your friends don’t believe you. Maybe they don’t want to, maybe they can’t. Maybe they don’t understand that you’re not exaggerating because they can’t imagine it being different.
But for you, it is different. And over and over again, you hear her words…

-

“You disappoint me.” You still remember. It’s been so long ago, but you still remember. You still remember how your eyes get bigger. Never in your entire life did you think that you could disappoint your own mother. You feel so bad, you think your heart will explode. You didn’t want to disappoint her. And still you made her sad.

-

“Go away. I don’t like you right now.” That hurt. You seriously managed to drive away your own mother? And how old are you? Nine? Ten? Well, maybe even eleven. But who cares how old you are? It doesn’t matter then and won’t matter in the future. The only important thing is that you are so impossible that your own mother doesn’t like you anymore.

-

“I don’t want to see you anymore.” You might be used to it by now. It’s not the first time she grabs you and yells so loud that you think your ears might explode. But you aren’t used to it now and you know, you’ll never be. Tears well up in your eyes but you fight a long and hard struggle against them. Eventually, you give up and let them run down your pink cheeks but you did your best. You only start crying when she is so close to you that you could count her hair.

-

“Stop wailing. It won’t help you.” Surprisingly, that didn’t hurt at all. She was right, wasn’t she? Your crying didn’t help anyone. In fact, it only brought red and puffy eyes with it. She’s right, you decided. You try to keep them back and wait until she is done screaming. There’s nothing else you can do than wait for it to end.

-

“Get out! Get the hell out of here and don’t think of coming back!” The first time you’re so shocked, you lock yourself in your room. You’re not allowed to do so but at that time you didn’t care. Of course, this was a big mistake. When she comes to ‘talk’ with you (really, it’s rather her screaming how insolent and ungrateful your are and you hiding in the corner of your bed) the door is still locked and she makes a fuss about it as if you tried to kill someone. By the way, you didn’t kill anyone.

-

“I said get out!” You’re not shocked. You’re not hurt. Of course, you are hurt but you lie to yourself. This is much later than the first time. Well, not that much later. A year perhaps? You’re fourteen or fifteen, something like that. And this time you did get out. You pack your bag for school, pack a bag with stuff for the night and call your friend. Gladly, you can stay at her place. Her mother is not happy about it, since she doesn’t like you (is there anyone on this planet who likes you?). But still, she allows you to stay thinking they were the only option you had (there weren’t, you do have other friends who’d let you stay at their place and if there weren’t any you’d sleep at the train station). You write a short note for your mother (you can’t leave without telling her where you are). Big mistake. The next day she’s even more furious. There’s just nothing that could make her happy. Resigned you hide in your room. It has become your only sanctuary.

-

“Shut up! I’m your mother and I AM RIGHT!” You hold your breath. That was intense. For once you point out that you are right and that she made a mistake and BOOM she’s ready to kill you with her bare hands. You don’t cry. You learned not to cry in front of her. You won’t give her that satisfaction. Not now when you’re already down and she’s still kicking you (figuratively speaking, of course, since she’d never hurt you, right?). This is getting annoying. Whatever you do, it’s wrong. Well, you don’t care. Let her ramble and rattle. You have better things to do than listen to her bullshit. But a silent voice in your head agrees. You’ll never be good enough for her. And somehow she must be right. She couldn’t have made all these speeches without you being bad.

-

“Don’t think you can fool me.” You’re crying so hard, you can’t even see. She tried to hit you. Unfortunately, your reflexes kick in and you slap back. And suddenly everything goes faster than you can even realize. She kicks the door, not caring that you’re standing right there. She ushers you into your room, kicking the fucking door and suddenly your arm is right between the door and the door frame. Tears spring out of your eyes and your arm hurts like hell. Gladly, it’s not broken.

-

“I hate you. I wish I never had you.” That’s it. From that moment on you only live in their house anymore. You’re not a part of the family anymore. No matter what good she might say to you, this will always stay on your mind.

Even though you seem to be a hundred miles away from her affection, you still try. Silently, you know that it’s a lost cause. But you try to get her to like you again. A kiss on the cheek, a friendly “thank you”. She doesn’t acknowledge it. Instead, she rips out your throat (again, figuratively speaking) for not eating up your lunch (how childish) and stares daggers at you because when you help your brother with his homework, you know something better than her.

-

After all is said and done, there’s not much left of you. Where can you go? What will you do now? You have no future visions, you actually don’t really want to leave. She says she doesn’t want you to leave either. But if it goes on like this, you have to. Or do something else. There's no reason in going on living. You feel unloved.

Mirror (Original Fiction) PG - 1/1

scatteredintime — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 20:25:53 GMT

mirror [1/1] 584. pg. fiction.
mirror mirror on the wall, tell me whose soul is about to fall?

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Author's Notes: This is quite old and rather unshaped and raw. And quite depressive, too. I can't help it. I have a thing for depressive stuff.

-

People say the eyes are the mirror of your soul. Through the eyes you can look deep inside them.

When I think about that, I always see their faces before my eyes. I see them turn to me and I see how they want to say something. Then they forget about it. They present me with a sad look on their faces and try to smile.

Sometimes, when I can’t sleep, I think about these things. About them, about our life together, about everything we had. And about their eyes.

Every time when they sit with me and hold my hand, they look into my eyes and I keep looking back. And every time they grips turns just a little harder. They don’t want to let me go and I can see it in their eyes. They’re dull and dark. And when I feel their grip, I know that they want to stop me, that they want to hold me tight so I won’t leave them alone on this planet.

They love me. Every day they tell me. And they don’t need to because I already know it. Still, they do. Probably just to confirm themselves. And all I can do is smile. Despite the pain and the certainty that I will leave them so soon, I smile.

They always say that they love the twinkle in my eyes, especially when I smile. I can’t help but believe them, because they’re right. When I give them a smile and my eyes begin to twinkle, their faces light up for a few moments and they look at me like they used to do years ago. And for a short moment I can see all the words they want to say in their eyes. This is exactly what I want. They speak volumes and I know how hard it is for them to talk to me like to any other person. I see how they have to swallow before talking and I see their eyes glimmer when they look at me.

They won’t cry in front of me but I can see in their eyes how much it hurts to look at me. When they realize that I watch them, they shyly turn away. They know what I can see in their eyes. They know that I see how much they love me and how much they already miss me. I’m not even gone yet. And then I squeeze their hands. I don’t need words anymore to tell them how much I love them.

And I don’t want to say anything in those moments. There won’t be much more of them and I know exactly that I will cry when I begin to talk, when I tell them how much love I feel for them. I don’t want to cry. Not because I don’t want them to see but I don’t want to cry any more tears.
My eyes have been flooded with tears much too often. I want them to shine while I am still among the living.

Now, too, I’m awake in bed. They have left already. They need to take care of themselves and they can’t do it here. Still I see them, see their faces, their eyes in front of me. They had glimmered again. They told me that they were all fine, everyone healthy and alive.

Another day gone. Another day lost for us. And I wonder… What if one is blind and the eyes don’t have any expression at all?

In Which I Put the Pro in Procrastination

derschatzi — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 15:25:15 GMT

in which i put the pro in procrastination [1/1] 375. pg. non-fiction.
Sunday, and the guilt is starting to nag.

-

Author's Notes: Blame hazyflights for all the non-fiction she has been writing. God, my vanity goes beyond taking photos. Nothing relevant here, thank you.

-

Good morning.

Sunday, wide awake and kicking.

So much to do, so little time. Remember back in middle school, teachers aren't even allowed to assign homework on Fridays? Those were the days, indeed. Now weekends are less than twenty-four hours and that just sucks.

-

Good morning (still).

Sunday, for real this time.

One, two, three, four... five? You ticks off the things you have to accomplish for that day, only to end up frustrated. You know you forgot something. Wait for it, wait for it... OH! Right.

Let's get started, shall we?

-

Good morning (yet again).

Sunday, and your day ain't looking so good anymore.

Instead of doing your homework (oh who the fuck are you kidding?) you get caught up in Operation: Spring Cleaning. Yes, that's right, we're clearing out junk from your room! Really? About time!

Wonderful.

An hour later and you've made acquaintances with the dust bunnies. Hello.

-

Good afternoon (about time).

Sunday, and what happened to it being 'rest day' and all?

Good-bye, dust bunnies. Hello, homework. But wait. You can't concentrate if you're feeling this hot and sticky and just OH-SO-GROSS all over, can you? Cool, let's go have a shower.

Five minutes later you're settled on the couch and you can't seem to move because there's an Ugly Betty marathon on Star World.

Homework what?

-

Good evening (how did that happen?).

Sunday, and oh, you're still with Betty. Ugly Betty.

Oh, you try. Yes, you do. Every time an episode's about to end you just go, "One more episode, and I'm outta here!" But somehow you tell yourself that and the next thing you know you've sat through five episodes already.

Who cares about homework anyway? You're skipping classes tomorrow, right?

-

Good evening (I mean it).

Sunday, and the guilt is starting to nag.

So you pull open your notes, but it's Theology and, well, that's self-explanatory. Still you attempt to make sense out of it before slamming the handouts down after the third chapter.

Seriously?

She wants a reaction paper, by all means she's gonna get one.

Seriously.

-

Good midnight (is there such a thing?)

But whatever. You still haven't really done anything anyway.

At least you get donuts.

Like A Liar (Lily, Rufus) PG-13 - 1/1

scatteredintime — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 07:31:04 GMT

like a liar [ 1/1 ] 1,326. pg-13. no spoilers.
lily van der woodsen (gossip girl). rufus humphrey (gossip girl). rufus/lily.
It's the end and neither one of them can save each other.

-

Author's Notes: Drabble. AU. Characters aren’t mine. Inspiration found in 'Liar Liar' by Alexz Johnson.

-

Quivering she sat on the tattered thing they called their couch. The springs poked through the once soft inner material, barely held up by the thick fabric of the cover. She shifted only an inch or so to avoid her left leg being pricked by one of the springs that may have gone astray. She looked out of the window and realized that it was dark already. So dark, so late.

Seconds felt like years and she wasn’t keen on what was to come. She wasn’t one who was easily afraid. But this time she was. She was so afraid of something so trivial. Time. How could someone be afraid of time? She let her thoughts wander; instinctively she knew that she wasn’t the only one afraid of time. Wasn’t that what they showed on TV all the time? That people weren’t afraid to die? They never were afraid of that. So many other things but never that. And most of all they were afraid of time. Time would swallow them like a child would swallow a drop of rain. It was always the same. Death is not the worst thing anyone could fear but time. Time you don’t have; time you spent for nothing; time in which you experienced the happiest moments in you life, fearing that it would end soon. And worst of all the time that passes so slowly that its only purpose seems to be to torture you.

A hysterical sob escaped her reddish lips and it took all her strength not to crumple the walls she had built around herself.

Life is never fair; she knew that all too well. And still she had hoped for her happy ending. The only thing she asked for was this and it was the only thing she couldn’t have. How ironic it all seemed. ‘All I want for you is to be happy.’ Her mother couldn’t have hit her any harder than that. Happiness. What did it mean if she couldn’t share her happiness with the one? What did happiness hold for her if she was to be torn away from the one person that really mattered to her? Happiness. Her mother’s definition included money, knowing the right people, high society. It couldn’t be farther away from her own version of happiness. Love, a tender kiss, a song only meant for her.

Barely a minute had passed but her posture hardly changed. More shifting, more shivering, a desperate sigh, a single tear. She couldn’t wait for him to come home and yet she feared it. How could she live in a world so cruel? Hadn’t Romeo and Juliet shown the world what it meant to love? And hell, she loved this man so ferociously, it tore her apart. She felt her heart twinge but it was futile to try and ignore the sudden pang. She’d never thought that the words ‘a broken heart’ could be understood quite literally. She wondered if she would ever heal again with her heart being torn in two and her love taken from her. It hurt to even think about it and yet she could not. More tears rolled down her cheeks that were now stained with make-up and mascara. She’d find herself looking at a suicidal Goth chick if she looked into a mirror. The tears could not be stopped and neither her train of thoughts. All revolved around him and what they had. And while they filled her mind with pictures of a life that seemed too far away now, she slowly slid onto the cold wooden floor not noticing the man behind her.

He dared not to talk to her. He’d seen the tears before he had heard her sobs, he’d seen her shaking before he had actually entered the room. He knew what was to come. They’d always known that they couldn’t stay together until the very end but still both had hoped to have their happy ending. Silently he moved over to her, putting his hand on her right shoulder. It wouldn’t comfort her, not now, not ever again but it was all they had left. It was so hard to see her like this, to know what had happened. What was worse, he couldn’t help her and neither could she help him. Maybe they really were like Romeo and Juliet, like all these unfortunate couples that were more in love than anyone had ever been and yet they had been torn apart.

“How long?” His voice was barely a whisper but he couldn’t bear to speak louder. He couldn’t bear to form the truth in sensible sentences knowing perfectly well that she wouldn’t want to hear him wasting his beautiful voice with statements too painful to be real. Slowly she leaned into his touch, wanting to stay like this forever. It took her a long time until she could answer.

“Tomorrow”, she eventually replied, her voice hoarse and shaky.

“So soon. I – I would’ve thought she’d give us more time. Just one more day.” He cupped his face in his hands, not wanting her to see the despair on his face and she scooted closer to him, clinging to his leg.

“I know.” What would she do without him? And what would he do without her? There were so many things still ahead of them and so much time to spend but they weren’t granted such a luxury. Both were silent. They didn’t want to destroy even the last remains of what they had. Absently she played with the engagement ring he had given her. Engaged. They hadn’t had the chance to get married. Of course they could’ve gone to Vegas but they wanted something more appropriate. It was only a certificate, a piece of paper. Maybe it was fate that they didn’t have that. They didn’t need it anyway. They loved each other no matter what and they didn’t need a damn certificate to know that they belonged together.

“Promise me something.” It was a shame really. He couldn’t even bear to look at her anymore. He couldn’t bring himself to look at the most beautiful woman on this earth just because he knew it would hurt him even more. She didn’t look at him either. Her eyes were locked on a spot on the wooden floor, not daring to even glance at him.

“Anything. I’ll promise you anything.”

“Don’t – don’t try to…” but his voice failed to carry on. Even his voice knew that this was so wrong. His whole body didn’t work properly anymore.

“I won’t. I’d never do that as long as you’re still here.” Here. Both knew the deeper meaning of that word. Here. Still alive. It was such a lie to say they couldn’t live without each other. They could. They would. Even if it was the hardest thing to do in their whole lives. They could live without each other as long as the other was still somewhere.

“You need to do something for me, Rufus.” Her tears had stopped but her voice was still fragile. She was so fragile. Nothing of her showed that she usually was such a powerful and beautiful woman. She was still beautiful but her features showed only the fragile remnants of her strength. And yet she was able to love someone so fiercely that it could break her. It would break her.

“Anything, Lily. Anything for you.”

“Lie to me. Tell me you love me like a star. Tell me you want me wherever you are. Tell me you’ll breathe me till your last breath. Lie to me and tell me that we’ll have all the time in the world.” Another sob slipped through her teeth, another tear dripped down her chin and suddenly she lunged at him so violently that they almost knocked over the couch. Her lips hungrily searched for his, for his approval, for his last touch, for his heart. Because this was all they would get.

END.

Most of All (Rose, Ten, Donna, Martha, Jack) PG-13 - 1/1

scatteredintime — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 07:22:57 GMT

most of all [ 1/1 ] 1,337. pg-13. no spoilers.
tenth doctor (doctor who). rose tyler (doctor who). donna noble (doctor who). martha jones (doctor who). cpt. jack harkness (doctor who / torchwood). doctor/rose.
They're all in his tiny space ship and he doesn't deserve to be laughed at, does he?

-

Author's Notes: Drabble. AU. Characters aren’t mine. This was written before the season 4 finale. Brown suits are way better than blue suits.

-

Laughter erupted from the console room so loud that the Doctor once again wondered why he always chose humans as his companions. Next time he’d look for something quieter. Next time. He sincerely hoped that ‘next time’ wasn’t all too soon. Despite their habit to miss half of their lives because of sleep, he wouldn’t want to exchange them now. It was one thing to have company, a completely other thing though to have good company. He could live with all their flaws, after all they were company that could talk. He wondered what it would be like if he had a dog to accompany him on his adventures.

-

As he emerged from the wardrobe he could make out the voices of his companions, one more animated than the other. A smile crept across his face. He was so glad to have them all sitting inside his ship. And they were alive, so alive. It was a miracle that everyone was fairly unharmed. It was still a mystery to him that they had managed to save the world. No, the whole universe even.

He wandered down the corridor towards the console when he heard them talking about things they really shouldn’t be talking about. First he wanted to join in on the embarrassing story telling; after all they had saved the universe and deserved some down time. But the next thing spoken made him stop dead in his tracks.

-

“What do you mean, space ducks?” Jack frowned in confusion, but he wasn’t the only one clearly shocked by the image that Rose had just presented them. Martha’s eyes had widened to the size of golf balls and Donna’s mouth was shaped like a little ‘o’.

“Means just that. He’s got red boxers with space ducks on ‘em”, Rose chuckled.

-

Pure horror settled down in the Doctor’s face as he heard them break out in laughter again.

-

“But, how do you know? You didn’t… you know?” Martha was the first one to regain posture again although her body still shook with laughter.

“No, ‘course we didn’t. He’d never do that. I found them once when I wanted to do the laundry. The TARDIS had been mad at him and had refused to wash his clothes. So I did it. Couldn’t let him run around in the same suit all the time.” A giggle escaped Rose’s lips as she remembered that particular day. She had found quite some things that day but the space duck boxers had been the cream of the crop.

“Space ducks… on red boxers… and I thought it couldn’t get any worse than that bloody suit. He’s much too skinny for a suit like that”, Donna muttered still in shock. “I still wonder why he always wears only that suit. As if he doesn’t have any other clothes.”

“Oh he does”, Jack, Martha and Rose piped simultaneously. Again they broke out in laughter and didn’t utter a single word for several minutes.

-

‘Never ever again will I take more than one human with me.’ Humans were sometimes just too childish for him to bear them in larger numbers than one.

-

“He’s got about, what, eight and a half of them, I think”, Rose answered Donna’s unasked question about the number of suits.

“Eight and a half? Do I want to know what happened to the other half?”

-

That was when he decided to interrupt them in their happy chatter. No more jokes about his appearance. He cleared his throat loudly as he entered the console room.

“You really don’t want to know what happened to the other half, Donna. Believe me”, he said before looking into each of their faces for exactly two seconds. As far as he could tell they were about to burst with laughter. Again.

“Hey, Doctor, you mind showing us your space ducks?” Before he could stop it his face turned back to Jack’s and froze in horror again. Oh, what had he done to deserve this.

“Oi!” He couldn’t help but squeak. His mind rattled on and on and he wanted to say more but there was nothing he could think of. He couldn’t express a single word against any of them. Not now. He was much too glad to have them at his side. A few seconds passed while nothing happened except for the exchange of a few glances between the four culprits.

“So. What’s next? Where do you want to go? Fancy a trip to Calceolus?”

“Calceolus? What’s tha…” But before Jack could finish his sentence the three women interrupted him rather rudely with a synchronous “Shoe planet, Jack.”

“Well, anyone interested?” The Doctor raised his eyebrows in a questioning manner but all four of them declined.

“I better get back to Torchwood. The team’s waiting for me”, Jack reasoned. “But I’m sure we’ll see each other soon.”

“Yeah, I better get back to my family, too. They’re probably terrified with worry over me.” The Doctor gave Martha an understanding nod. Of course, she belonged with her family. Next his gaze fell upon Donna.

“Donna, what about you? Leaving as well?” He was quite sure that she’d not stay here any longer now that Rose was back again. She’d most likely feel like an intruder.

“You’ve got to be kidding me! I’ll stay, of course! There’s no way that I’ll miss out on another adventure with you. And besides somebody has to make sure you eat enough, you skinny image of a bloody Time Lord! No offense, Rose”, she threw in and received a “None taken” almost immediately from her. “But I’ll better make a trip to the family, as well. And leave the two of you alone. Besides, you probably have a lot to catch up on”, she added and smiled happily towards Rose.

“Well, alright then. We better drop you off, then.” With that everything was settled. They decided to drop Jack off first while Rose and Martha helped Donna to find and pack a few things she didn’t need on the ship anymore.

----

“So, now we’re alone again. How about we get some chips?” the Doctor asked but Rose didn’t listen at all.

“I missed this”, she said with dreamy eyes.

“What?” Now the Doctor was the one to be curious.

“This. All of this. The TARDIS. Travelling through time and space. Different planets. Aliens.” The enthusiasm in her voice was unmistakable.

“But you had aliens in the other world, too.”

“Wasn’t the same. I’m doing this voluntarily. Travelling with you, I mean. Back there, it was my job to meet aliens and save the world. That’s a difference.”

“So you came back to save the world? To do your job?” This had been bugging him since he had first seen her again. Her whole family was still in the other world and he knew that she missed them just by the hint of sadness in her voice when she had said ‘back there’. And it wasn’t just that. Like she had said, in the other world she had a job. She didn’t have that here and yet she had come back.

“No. Not at all.”

“Then what did you come back for?”

“Just for you.” She flashed one of her most beautiful smiles at him and looked straight into his eyes. The Doctor didn’t say anything. Somewhere deep down he had known this. And strange as it was, it made him even happier than he already was. For some time there was nothing but silence between them and both turned their heads at something else to look at.

“Rose?”

“Yeah?”

“What else did you miss?”

“I missed you, Doctor. And everything that has to do with you. But most of all…” She stopped and looked up at him just to see his face beaming like a beacon.

“What did you miss most of all, Rose?”

“This.” And with that she slipped her hand into his just like they had used to do it in the past.

END.

Love. Comfort. Safety. (Lily, Rufus) PG - 1/1

scatteredintime — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 07:09:02 GMT

love. comfort. safety. [ 1/1 ] 1,292. pg. no spoilers.
lily van der woodsen (gossip girl). rufus humphrey (gossip girl). rufus/lily.
Love is about the whole package. And she found it in him

-

Author's Notes: Drabble. AU. Characters aren’t mine.

-

Love is the collective term for acts of affection, commitment, passion towards another person.

Comfort can be seen as contentment, solace, convenience.

Safety means feeling secure, being certain of something but also to be able to rely on someone.

But what connects the three of them?

It makes people feel better because someone cares about them.

Love

When Rufus Humphrey entered the stage to join his band he didn’t think about the songs they were going to play although one of their songs had something to do with his thoughts. No, he actually thought about that blond girl in the first row. She smiled at him with the most beautiful smile he had ever seen. And she wasn’t just any girl. He liked her. He liked her a lot. And he liked the way she smiled, the way she talked to him, the way she kissed. Especially the way she kissed him. He appreciated every inch of her. Her feet and legs which made her walk like she did. Her arms which made her embrace him like she always did. Her lips which always seemed to need his lips on them. Her hair which tickled him in the face when she lay in his arms. Her body which matched his own like no other.

He took the microphone and welcomed the audience. Then he looked down to her.

“The first song we’re going to play is a song I wrote for someone very special. I guess she has heard the song a thousand times already. She probably doesn’t even like it anymore. And what’s worse, she probably doesn’t like me anymore,” he joked around but his eyes were fixed on her. She laughed together with the whole crowd. She still liked him. No doubt about that. “I still love her though. And that’s why I won’t stop playing this song for her.” You have now idea how much I love you. With that the band started to play ‘Something Like That’ and Lily – that was the girl’s name – had fun taking photos.

After the concert she let herself be pulled backstage. She didn’t let go of his hand. She didn’t let go of him. And behind the stage she was the one who pulled. She pulled him near to kiss him. She loved him.

Comfort

The moment Lily threw herself into his arms he knew something was wrong. She never did that. Not like that. Not as if the end of the world was near and he was the only one who could save them. Seconds later he looked into her face to see that she was crying. He had known this before he had seen it. He knew when something was wrong with her. She didn’t cry if it wasn’t serious. This was serious.

She felt his fingers move over her face tracing her tears and her sobbing became less. And then she felt his lips on hers and she slowly forgot everything around them. He kissed her the way he always did when he wanted to calm her down. Comforting. Loving. Caring. He kissed away her tears until his lips met hers again.

“What happened?” He didn’t need to ask because he knew she would tell him eventually. But this time she shook her head. He raised his eyebrows.

“It’s not important anymore. I’ll tell you later.” A whisper in the dark, a smile that usually brightened everything up. She knew it was like that. He always told her what effect her smile had on him. She was glad that at least for Rufus the world was a little brighter now that she smiled. She widened her smile. You’re the only one who can make me feel better.

In the evening she lay in his arms. She snuggled closer to him. She loved how his arms could comfort her by only holding her. He placed a kiss on her head. She would miss that. She felt horrible. He didn’t know that she was going to leave him tomorrow. But Lily knew. It hurt. But right now everything was okay because he held her and it had a comforting effect on her.

She needed him.

Safety

“Look, leave if you want to. Really. Alison would have a fit if she knew you were accompanying me to this party. Even if it was for your benefit.” Didn’t she want that? Didn’t she want to make Alison furious?

“Actually I don’t care what Alison thinks right now.” That made her hesitate. Since when did Rufus not care about Alison? But to Lily it sounded great. Maybe he cared what she thought.

“Good, then let me introduce you to our hostess.” Right at this moment Eleanor came towards them.

Later she stood aside from the crowd musing about the earlier happenings of this evening. She wondered what Eleanor had thought when she and Rufus had denied that he was her date. He actually was. Why did they behave like teenagers then?

“You’re still spying on him?” Rufus pulled her out of her thoughts and her staring at Bart. Was it a crime now to stare at somebody? She liked Bart.

“I’m not spying. I’m just… keeping track of his whereabouts.” She wished Bart would be paying more attention to her than his date. Hadn’t she made it clear that she wanted him? Rufus kept on ranting about how there was only one thing to make a man jealous. Was it just her who thought this or were men really talking in riddles? As if Rufus could be any help.

“Rufus, I invited you here for many reasons but knowledge of romance is not –” He didn’t even let her finish the sentence and kissed her. Was this some sort of new flirting strategy? Kissing the person you like to make clear that you like her? Maybe she should try this on Bart. Maybe you should stop thinking, idiot!, she scolded herself. Something felt awfully familiar.

Rufus realized he had done the right thing. She would have pulled back otherwise. But now she kissed back. Can’t we just try again?

The evening was slowly coming to an end. Maybe not for them but for him. For Lily it had been a kiss to make Bart jealous. For him although… He found her sitting near the elevator. He began a conversation but when the first word had been spoken he already knew that this wasn’t going to be good. She rattled on about how sorry she was and that she shouldn’t have asked him to come. Why is she sorry? You’re the one who kissed her. And she knows that you know that she’s having a thing for Bart Bass.

“Right. Uhm. And uhm… I’m sorry I kissed you but I did it because that…” And from there he lied. They both knew he did but they also knew it was better to pretend that he didn’t kiss her because he wanted to kiss her.

“And I thought he should know how it feels to lose you.” That was a true thing though. “Cause trust me it’s not fun.” He remembered how Lily had left him a long time ago. And Lily knew what he was talking about. She had never forgiven herself leaving him. After Rufus had stopped talking they both stared at each other in silence. Maybe she should have said something. But the moment was just so… Nostalgic. Right then Bart came towards her. Rufus’ “plan” had worked. And she went with Bart.

And when she looked back Rufus had gone. She felt bad. She had felt so safe when he kissed her and his presence always made her relax. And she realized something.

A long time ago she had fallen for him. Forever.

END.

Probably (Addison) PG - 1/1

scatteredintime — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 06:54:59 GMT

probably [ 1/1 ] 587. pg. no spoilers.
addison montgomery-shepherd (grey's anatomy).
She probably wasn't Addison Shepherd anymore.

-

Author's Notes: Drabble. AU. Characters aren’t mine. Pretty short, pretty old.

-

It was one of these days when Addison would wake up early in the morning only to find herself all alone in the kingsize bed. Like every morning for the past few months she got up, made coffee and walked through her big empty house before she got dressed and head to work. Wait, no. Their house. Or so she thought. At least it was stated like that in the papers. Derek and Addison Shepherd. Still, she had begun to refer to the house as her house quite some time ago. She wondered when it had happened that they had become Derek Shepherd and Addison Shepherd. There had been a time when they had been inseparable bit this seemed so long ago now. Sometimes people even asked whether they were related. And sometimes it hurt. It used to be apparent to everyone that Derek and Addison were happily married. Where had that gone? What exactly made people think that they were just co-workers with the same last name?

Addison Shepherd. It had begun to feel strange to be Addison Shepherd. Was she even Addison Shepherd anymore? She maybe saw her husband twice a day when they met each other accidentally on the corridor. A short ‘hey’ and a peck was everything she could get from him nowadays. Where had the time gone when they couldn’t keep their hands off each other? Had she done something wrong? It probably was her fault, she thought. Yes, he was working like nobody else, he didn’t even come home sometimes but that was his job. He was a doctor, he had to save lives. And she didn’t do anything different. She worked, too. But she still slept at home whereas Derek didn’t. Every once in a while she noticed how he crawled into bed to her late at night but he never said something. He never thought about the possibility that she was waiting for him. Instead he came to bed and lay away from her as far as possible. And in the mornings he was gone before she opened her eyes. It had to be something she had done.

She thought about it all day but she had known the answer already in the morning. There hadn’t been anything even close to affectionate between them since she had lost their baby. She knew it was her fault. If she hadn’t worked all night she could’ve supported herself at the handrails when that young boy had pushed her out of his way. It had been the only time she had used the subway to get home. She and Derek had used to drive home together but on that day she had had an emergency C-section and Derek had already driven home. Well, nowadays she went to work by subway every day. Derek had the car. He didn’t care how she got to work.

Yes, it must’ve been that day that had driven them so far apart. She had tried to get over it by working longer to try to distract herself and Derek had done the same. They hadn’t talked. He hadn’t made it to the hospital in time to be with her when her doctor had told her that there was no heartbeat. And from that moment on she had tried to hide from him. She was scared that he thought it was her fault. He probably did. She didn’t want to bother him. After all she had let it come to this point.

She probably wasn’t Addison Shepherd anymore.

END.

Dancin' In The Moonlight (Sandy, Kirsten) PG-13- 1/1

scatteredintime — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 06:46:56 GMT

dancin' in the moonlight [ 1/1 ] 1,034. pg-13. no spoilers.
sandy cohen (the oc). kirsten cohen (the oc). alludes to sandy/kirsten.
They're dating and going out and who knows what he has planned.

-

Author's Notes: Drabble. AU. Characters aren’t mine. There are some flaws in this, as this is one of my first drabbles, so just look over it. Song is by Toploader.

-

Nervously Kirsten looked at her watch. It was almost seven and Sandy would be there soon. Her hair was pinned up and the red dress made her look like a movie star.
“So, sex date, huh?” Confused Kirsten looked up and stared into her friend’s eyes. Amy shook her head laughing before she explained herself.
“Girl, I can tell you have learned nothing from being with me. This is your third date, by most people it is referred to as the sex date.”

We get it almost every night
when that moon is big and bright
it's a supernatural delight
everybody's dancing in the moonlight

Sandy stood in front of the door and knocked. Third date. The date that was most important to most people. His friends had told him that the third date ruled everything. And if that was so he would do everything to make this relationship work. He wanted something special and in Kirsten he somehow found it.

Everybody here is out of sight
they don't bark and they don't bite
they keep things lose they keep 'em tight
everybody's dancing in the moonlight

A girl opened the door. He was almost shocked not to see Kirsten but then he recognized her as Amy, Kirsten’s dorm mate.
“Come in, she is waiting for you.” She whispered to him so that Kirsten couldn’t hear her. Sandy stepped in shyly as if he was afraid of Amy. ‘Oh you jerk. She doesn’t bite, so open your mouth!’

Dancing in the moonlight
everybody's feeling warm and bright
it's such a fine and natural sight
everybody's dancing in the moonlight

Kirsten took his arm and he walked her out. Today he wasn’t here with his own car. One of his friends had offered to drive them so that both of them could concentrate on the actual date.
“Where are we going?”
“That’s a surprise.”
“You are mean, you know that?” Kirsten pushed him into his side. Sandy didn’t answer and waited for a moment to let her get distracted by the car.

We like our fun and we never fight
you can dance and stay uptight
it's a supernatural delight
everybody was dancing in the moonlight

He grabbed around her waist and lifted her off her feet.
“I hope you’ll like it. I promised you something special.” She screamed while they twirled around and happily nodded in agreement.
“Please sandy, do me a favour and let me down before we can’t make it to something special.” She laughed while saying this and he immediately stopped.
“So there you go, Signorina.” He let her down and led her into the car.

Dancing in the moonlight
everybody's feeling warm and bright
it's such a fine and natural sight
everybody's dancing in the moonlight

Kirsten wondered where they were going. She looked out of window and could feel Sandy staring at her. Outside houses were rushing by. She was asking herself what something special could be. Trees and bushes were flying by and they left the town. The road was getting wild and suddenly they turned right into a forgotten old lane that was surrounded with trees and bushes and she couldn’t see anything else. His look in her neck gave her shivers but she didn’t turn to him. She liked how he looked at her.

We get it almost every night
when that moon is big and bright
it's a supernatural delight
everybody's dancing in the moonlight

The car stopped. She turned around and looked into his eyes. Every time he looked into her eyes he could feel himself getting lost in them. He opened the door and got out of the car. Knowing that she liked it he walked around the car and opened her door to lead her out. They had stopped somewhere in the middle of nowhere and Kirsten was confused to not find out what was going on.
“Why do we stop here?”
“Hold on, I promise you, that you’ll find out soon.”

Dancing in the moonlight
everybody's feeling warm and bright
it's such a fine and natural sight
everybody's dancing in the moonlight

Out of his pocket he pulled a black sheet. She looked confused when he walked behind her.
“We have to walk a little to get to the place I wanna take you.” He tied the sheet over her eyes so that she couldn’t see anything.
“Trust me. I’ll lead you.” She nodded hesitating but then took his arm to show him that she trusted him. They walked on on he led her through the dark. It was not far but far enough to be invisible from the car.

Dancing in the moonlight
everybody's feeling warm and bright
it's such a fine and natural sight
everybody's dancing in the moonlight

“Oh my God, Sandy!” She couldn’t believe what she saw when he pulled off the sheet from her eyes. They were somewhere in the middle of a little forest and in front of her a table with two chairs was standing. It had everything that was needed for a candlelight dinner and Kirsten couldn’t get her eyes away from it.
“I hope you like it.”
“Of course, I do. I love it. That is so sweet.” She turned towards him and fell into his arms. In that moment Sandy’s friend who hid himself behind a tree turned the music on.

Dancing in the moonlight
everybody's feeling warm and bright
it's such a fine and natural sight
everybody's dancing in the moonlight
Dancing in the moonlight
everybody's feeling warm and bright
it's such a fine and natural sight
everybody's dancing in the moonlight

Sandy took her hands began to turn her round and round. Slowly they danced to the music. She couldn’t believe that he had done this for her and he couldn’t take his eyes off of her beautiful gaze. He had fallen in love with her and this was his way to show it to her. She leaned against him and he could see her happy smile shining through the night while they were dancing in the moonlight.

Dancing in the moonlight
everybody's feeling warm and bright
it's such a fine and natural sight
everybody's dancing in the moonlight.

END.

Breathless (Sandy, Kirsten) PG - 1/1

scatteredintime — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 06:32:46 GMT

breathless [ 1/1 ] 1,086. pg. no spoilers.
sandy cohen (the oc). kirsten cohen (the oc).
They meet and they are oh so breathless.

-

Author's Notes: Drabble. AU. Characters aren’t mine. This is an older drabble of mine, it might lack some things. Song is by The Corrs.

-

Kirsten was waiting in front of her dorm. She was wearing a black skirt and a purple top that had tiny brilliant-like crystals stitched to it. Amy would have called it too elegant for a first date but she knew that it was perfect.

Go on go on
leave me breathless
come on

A smile appeared on her face when Sandy showed up. It would be their first real date and both of them were excited. Her smile spread out with each step he made towards her. She leaned against the wall and hid her hands behind her. When he stood in front of her, he greeted her happily before he kissed her hand gently.

The daylights fading slowly
but time with you is standing still
I'm waiting for you only
your slightest touch and I feel weak

“Wow, I never thought you were such a gentleman.” She giggled at him and he took her hand. Slowly they walked outside and his looks didn’t let go of her. In his eyes she was the most beautiful girl on earth and nothing could ever make him as happy as he now was. Once they were outside they both stopped and looked into each others eyes.

I cannot lie
from you I cannot hide
I'm losing will to try
can't hide can't fight it

A light wind surrounded them and Kirsten began to shiver.
“Are you cold?” Sandy asked concerned. It was a stupid question actually for it was a warm night and Kirsten didn’t look like she was freezing. She shook her head. No, I am not cold. I am really warm right now. You make me shiver. Thoughts hit her already mixed up mind and she shook her head once again.

So go on go on
come on leave me breathless
take me tease me
until I can't deny this
loving feeling
make me long for your kiss
go on go on yea come on

He could tell that she had a crush on him. Whenever he looked at her she blushed and whenever she looked at him he could literally feel it. He could feel how he wanted to kiss her. How he wanted to hold her in his arms. How he wanted to melt with those blue eyes. His heart was pounding and his mind went all crazy when he thought about her. He didn’t know what it was that let him feel like that.

And if there's no tomorrow
and all we have is here right now
I'm happy just to have you
you're all the love I need somehow

They walked to his car hand in hand. He hadn’t told her what his car was like but His friends had convinced him of taking his car and not another one’s. ‘If she really likes you she’ll accept this car as yours and won’t run away.’ He remembered just too well how his friend hat said that and how they all had laughed at Sandy.

Just like a dream
although I'm not asleep
I never want to wake up
don't lose it don't leave it

They arrived at the restaurant he had chosen. It wasn’t too expensive but yet a very beautiful and romantic place to go. When he parked the car he looked at her once again. That girl was so beautiful and he didn’t get why he had her. He closed his eyes and opened them again just to find out that it was not a dream. He was going out with Kirsten Nichol, daughter of the famous Caleb Nichol.

So go on go on
come on leave me breathless
take me tease me
until I can't deny this
loving feeling
make me long for your kiss
go on go on yea come on

While they walked to the entrance she leaned against him and he could smell her scent through the air. She wasn’t wearing an expensive perfume like other spoiled girls and that was what made him curious. How could she go out with him? Him, Sandy Cohen, the loser of it all. He didn’t understand why she was interested in him. Didn’t understand why she really liked him. And he could tell she did. He could swear that he was not her type after he had watched her for some weeks now

And I can't lie
from you I cannot hide
and I've lost my will to try
can't hide it can't fight it

Entering the restaurant she remembered how Jimmy had taken her to some restaurant. She hadn’t liked it at all from the beginning and yet she had pretended to that. But this was different. This was real and she knew that it was serious

So go on go on
come on leave me breathless
take me tease me
until I can't deny this
loving feeling
make me long for your kiss

They sat down and the waitress came by.
“Hey Sandy. Nice to see you here. Has been a long time since you been here.” She smiled at him friendly. It was just a smile a waitress would give to a guest and yet Kirsten felt jealousy come up. She wanted to be the only on this evening that was allowed to smile at him and this waitress simply didn’t obey to what Kirsten wanted. She wanted to have Sandy for herself. She knew that it was selfish but she felt so comfortable with him and she didn’t want to let it go over. She wanted him. Him and his kiss

Go on go on
come on leave me breathless
go on go on
come on leave me breathless

After they had ordered they had to wait. Both of them were still nervous and Kirsten began to play with her hands. Shyly she smiled at him and was mentally cursing the slow kitchen. She always got shy when she was alone with a guy. She had been shy with Jimmy and now with Sandy there was no difference. No difference except that she felt something between him and her that was different to what she had felt with Jimmy. Suddenly Sandy pulled her out of her thoughts and broke the ice.

“You know, I really really like you.” She gasped and looked at him almost breathless. No one had ever said to her that he liked her like Sandy did and it was the cutest thing Sandy could have said to her

Go on go on
come on leave me breathless
go on go on.

END.

Wishes (Lily, Kirsten) PG-13 - 1/1

derschatzi — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 13:52:17 GMT

wishes [ 1/1 ] 1,747. pg-13. no spoilers.
lily van der woodsen (gossip girl). kirsten cohen (the oc). alludes to sandy/kirsten and rufus/lily.
Kirsten believes in a certain superstition. Lily doesn’t… or does she?

-

Author's Notes: Drabble. AU. Characters aren’t mine. I’m not doing the timeline justice as well. Let's just look over the flaws here, shall we?

-

Another ‘family’ business trip for Lily, another Newpsie event for Kirsten.

With a face worn out from too much smiling at people she didn’t even know, Kirsten escapes the restricting confines of her father’s too-grand mansion and makes her way down that familiar path.

Her familiar path, which led to the beach just a little beyond her home. Kirsten did not like the ocean, how could she, with all the fish? But over the years, the fine sand that was only oh-so-inviting and the soft lull of waves crashing the shore beckoned her often to the clandestine area when she needed to be with herself.

(Often it was to get away from Hailey, but ask, and Kirsten will not admit that.)

However, when she finally sets foot in the sand tonight, she finds a sight she had never seen all the times in the past she was there.

Kirsten must be hallucinating, but she thinks she just saw herself.

She tries to mask her surprise, but the young lady turns around before she could do that.

There were hints of shyness before her smile becomes confident. Too confident, in fact, like it was almost practiced.

That smile, that smile alone gave Kirsten another reason to believe she was seeing herself in this girl.

“Kirsten, right?”

She nods in confirmation, not even allowing herself to be surprised that this girl knew who she was.

“I’m Lily.”

A few chosen, polite words later, and both girls were seated on the sand, vaguely wondering how meeting each other should be so different from meeting thousands of people they’ve met before.

Lily checks her watch. It’s 11:11 in the evening.

And to her right, after seeing the time herself, Kirsten’s eyes are closed as a soft smile plays on her lips.

-

“You make wishes when it’s 11:11?”

“Well, yeah I do. Doesn’t everybody?”

“I don’t.”

“Somehow, I’m not surprised.”

-

With the wealthy background that was one of the trivial things they have in common, it was not an oddity that Lily and Kirsten came to know each other through a party.

Such socialites, they were. Blessed with good looks, hopelessly blond and blue-eyed. Lily is a few years younger than her acquaintance, a fact she will eventually come to rub in to Kirsten in years to come.

(Ironically, decades later and it’s Lily who ends up needing the Botox, but she thinks Kirsten’s too nice to point that out.)

They were renowned to be the ones always at the top of their game, where they came from. But together? They’re stunning. Unapproachable, almost. Where Kirsten comes from, she has learned to deal with such shallow people. Same goes for Lily, though on a slightly more different level she thinks Kirsten will ever encounter. But she couldn’t be more wrong about that, though she doesn’t have to realize it now.

But Kirsten and Lily.

Lily-and-Kirsten.

Both were pleasantly surprised at how they genuinely seemed to get along.

“So, ’KiKi’, huh?”

-

“You know, I never really saw you as someone who believes in things like that.”

-

When Kirsten escapes her father’s home again, this time it’s for good.

Off to Berkeley she goes, and the only ‘Newport’ thing she’s brought with her besides her material possessions, is her friendship with one Lily van der Woodsen.

And Lily’s not even from Orange County, but she has helplessly associated the girl with where she came from.

Since that night, their being acquaintances has turned into some sort of a friendship, though it was mostly over long-distance calls or when Kirsten happened by the east coast, or when Lily got to go with her parents back to California for business reasons like the first time.

Despite the distance, Kirsten feels like Lily’s the only person who she can talk to about anything and everything.

But she finds it hard to tell Lily the real reason why she’s really leaving Newport and starting anew in Berkeley.

So she doesn’t.

She can’t even admit it to Jimmy.

Or herself.

-

“Why do you make a wish when it’s 11:11?”

“Because I like believing in magic.”

-

Barely a month after settling in Berkeley, and Kirsten meets Sandy Cohen.

He’s unlike any other guy she has ever encountered before, and that scares her. A lot.

Shitless.

The minute she comes home (well, if you could call her mail truck a home) after her coffee date with him, Kirsten’s immediately on the phone with Lily and telling him all about this guy she met.

What was he like?, Lily asks, always eager to hear about her friend and her rebellious ways. She never thought Kirsten would be that girl to defy her parents and run away from the bubble that was her home. She was a whole lot stronger than Lily saw her to be, and that fascinates her.

Sometimes, she wonders how it would be like if she were more like Kirsten.

-

“How does it work?”

“Well, the superstition is simple. When you look at the clock and you see it’s 11:11, you make a wish.”

“That’s it?”

Kirsten laughs. “That’s it. You don’t have to make everything complicated, Lil.”

-

The phone calls become fewer and farther in between as the years pass.

Kirsten and Lily still talk, of course. It just wasn’t as often as it used to be.

Not as often as they would have liked.

It was during one of these lulls of theirs when Lily meets Rufus Humphrey in New York, in a concert gig nonetheless. A concert gig she would’ve rather died than be seen at (what kind of name is Lincoln Hawk anyway?).

But she happened to be there, and he happened to be there, and the next thing she knew, he was making her laugh.

Some part of her thinks she finally knows how Kirsten felt about Sandy.

-

“Why 11:11?”

“Huh?”

“What’s the significance of 11:11 anyway? Why that number?”

“Apparently it’s when the universe taps you on the shoulder.”

-

Lily doesn’t have to wonder anymore. She knows.

Granted, it’s just not the same. And she would be the first to admit she’s becoming more of a groupie than a rebel like Kirsten was (is), but it still displeases her mother, and when Lily’s not caught up having so much fun being with Rufus, she’s taking such pleasure in that fact.

Rufus is a wish granted. A wish Lily had made at 11:11.

That wish wasn’t to be like Kirsten.

And no, that wish wasn’t to find an excuse to flaunt her rebellion to her mother.

No. Lily wished for something else. Someone else.

Just like how Sandy was to Kirsten’s own wish.

And Lily couldn’t be happier.

-

“What if the clock says 23:11 instead of 11:11? Does it still count?”

“I don’t know.” Kirsten’s smile is amused. “You’re thinking way too much into it.”

-

The next time Lily and Kirsten see each other, it’s in New York and Lily is in tears.

She doesn’t think Kirsten has been presented with such choices before: The man who gave her such happiness, or the one thing that Lily hates to admit she’s afraid of letting go of.

No, she corrects herself. Kirsten has been presented with such choices, and with no hesitations she chose Sandy over everything else. That was why she was in New York in the first place: to finally meet Sandy’s mother.

She and Sandy were finally getting married, and yet Lily can’t even be happy for them.

Not right now.

“How do you make it seem so easy?” she asks from under her sheets.

Kirsten sighs. It has been far too long and Lily had no idea of how difficult the past few years had been for her. Sure, they were her happiest, but compared to her childhood years of ease back in Newport, life in Berkeley wasn’t as simple.

“It’s not.” She soothes, falling silent to choose her words carefully. She and Lily were so different, yet so alike that it scares her. A thought comes to her, and a peaceful smile tugs at her lips reminiscently. “Ever you try wishing at 11:11?”

The very simple and child-like concept of wishes always made Lily think of Kirsten. There was something magical about them that never failed to make her happy.

But it’s failing her right now.

“Wishing doesn’t make things happen, Kirsten.”

-

“Kirsten, it doesn’t work!”

“You’re not supposed to look at any other clock again until you’re sure it’s past 11:11 already.”

Lily’s jinxed herself, but she doesn’t tell Kirsten that.

Even though, technically, she just did.

-

Lily and Kirsten grow up, and, admit it or not, become the adults they had avoided that very night they first met.

Little did the times come when they would look at the clock randomly and see that it was 11:11. Therefore, less were the chances of them making wishes, and even during those rare opportunities they were so caught up they just didn’t end up making any.

If there was one wish Lily and Kirsten should’ve made, way back before, it’s never to become the people they’re becoming now.

But it was too late.

Or was it?

11:11.

Lily wishes it wasn’t. Oh, how she wishes.

-

“Since when did you start making 11:11 wishes yourself?”

“Since you made me believe in them.”

-

Almost two decades later, and things have changed a lot.

They were both older, more mature than the two teenagers they used to be, having gone through the trials and tribulations life brought to them. But despite all those, they were still Lily and Kirsten, and Lily-and-Kirsten, that much they knew.

There was so much to say, and it felt like they both didn’t know where to start catching up.

In that moment, however, words were not needed. It was the words left unsaid that mattered the most.

“Oh, Kirsten, come over here and give me a hug.”

And Kirsten can’t help but think, deep down, some things never really did change.

It’s been far too long indeed.

-

“Well, did your wishes come true?”

“In a way, they did.”

END.