heads or tails ✦ you and i

there goes my childhood.

stormfallen — Tue, 08 Feb 2011 02:30:42 GMT

nnnnnoooooooo.

/has her own little moment of silence.

stormfallen — Fri, 05 Nov 2010 15:19:08 GMT

It's kind of sad how disproportionate things are online. I was actually just having a convo about how if some bunch of aliens were monitoring our news/internet/communications, they'd think Earth was the worst place to live ever because all people ever talk about is the shitty things that happen.

Naturally what do I do: I perpetuate this by only posting in my LJ when I'm upset about something. 8)

But nahhhh. Things are never as bad as they seem, media is just a good way of getting those frustrations out. I'm sure I could write a paper on it if I really wanted to.

The real subject of today's bitching is how I've finally started seeing some therapists that are helping me change the way I think and make progress and I actually leave their offices feeling good about myself...and then I go home and my mom ruins my mood again. Awesome. Great job, you're shooting yourself in the foot, because that's YOUR money that's paying for them, darling. Leave me the fuck alone to sort out my life, because obviously you butting in doesn't help, if the last FOUR YEARS are any indication.

Of course when I try to explain this she takes it personally and goes on about how she loves me even though I don't (I never said that?) and I hurt her feelings and make her stressed. UH. Okay. I don't even. I haven't sworn at her or insulted her since that one time, which I apologized for even though she kind of deserved it. Am I being a little priviledged? Maybe. But it doesn't excuse her seeking me out to nitpick over MY life and then saying it stresses her out. YOU approach ME, not the other way around. I'm sorry I stress you out just by existing, mom. Maybe if you chilled out and actually let me handle things you would find it easier to relax.

But of course that won't happen, because she has to make sure I'm doing something "productive" every second of the day, and god forbid I take a break to play a video game, because only twelve year olds play video games!! Apparently. So my choice in entertainment is just another sign to her that I'm unable to grow up. Or something.

And people wonder why I don't try to explain things to her--it's because every time I try to get her to see my point of view, she takes it personally and twists it around to be about her, exactly like her own mother does. This is why Grandma drives you up the wall, mom, why are you imitating her. This isn't about you, it's about me, and you're the one who tells me to be selfish and take care of myself before others, including my girlfriend. Yet you want me to put YOU first? Not happening.

I guess the one comfort is that my CBT specialist confirmed that my mom has actual issues of her own, which makes me feel a little less crazy. It doesn't make her priviledge and condescension any easier to deal with, though. Considering I can't fix her problems, and she'd get insulted if I suggested SHE get a therapist, so I have to work around them while fixing myself at the same time.

Yes, I'm not the best daughter, especially right now. I make mistakes, I can be rude and irritable and antisocial and unmotivated, but hey. Maybe that's because I'm chemically depressed? Being patient is not "enabling" me, it's called being supportive. Basically my entire family seems to run on negative reinforcement except for me, and they don't seem to understand it just makes it worse.

Sigh.

I need a job, but there's not guarantee that won't just give me more headaches. At least I'll have money, I guess.

Things that are actually good: I'm drawing again. I almost have 100% completion in BBS. (why does Aqua level so slowly compared to the other two whyyy) I've been sewing a lot lately and I might actually (gasp!) have a costume done ahead of time...

Eh that's all I can think of right now. Back to job hunting it is.

dem arts

stormfallen — Tue, 12 Oct 2010 07:47:20 GMT

So yeah I'm consolidating everything, but old art dumps are over here for the curious.

I think it's sort of funny that when everyone was first excited for Birth by Sleep, and all of it was still speculation, Terra became my internet nickname. Now I'm Enzel, which is a long story. But then when I played the game I found myself feeling more of a connection to Ven and Aqua.

Terra is adorable, though, I love him. Derp on forever, kid.

Missing some stuff here because it's on my other comp, but. And some might be repeats from DA/my old comm because my organizational skills are terrible.

(NSFW is marked with **. Not necessarily nudity [I've never really drawn full nudity, honestly] but sketchy/implied mostly. Still something you don't wanna look at with your mom hanging over your shoulder.)

ToV: Second Star rp sketchdump. Yuri, Duke, Judy's new outfit, Estelle's new outfit, and Fel and Raven.
Tales of Rebirth sketchdump. Veigue, Veigue, more Veigue, Zapie, chibis of the cast, and Claire and Agarte.
Kairi, Sora, and Riku from Kingdom Hearts II.
Vanitas and Ventus from Kingdom Hearts: Birth by Sleep (SPOILERS)
Xion and Roxas (KH: 358/2 Days). Normal outfits I designed--those cloaks get boring.
Random fanart. Some scenes from Mostly Harmless RPG: Raven (ToV) and Van (ToA), Sync and Arietta below them, then the three characters I played there. (Raven, Sync, Max. Have since swapped Raven out for Kairi.) The right side are all OCs from Mirror's Edge. (ToA rp)
Mirrors Edge, Sync/Asch. (ToA)**
Luke/Asch (ToA)**
Rare fairly recent full color piece. Aoife from Perfect Sky. (original)
Companion to the above, Gavin and the goddess Syntyche.
The sage, Dejana (Perfect Sky)
Misc sketchdump. Tamora Pierce's Daja, plus the other three. Sodia from ToV, Elucifur and Duke from the same. The rest are all originals of mine.
More ToR. Veigue, Annie, and Agarte(!Claire).
My OC/Mascot and internet nickname namesake, Enzel.
some stupid SnK!BbS shenanigans. a.k.a Vanitas with his face in Aqua's cleavage. DON'T ASK I KIND OF...ship it...sob. Terra is displeased.
stuff from all the LJ rps I've been in. Some were requests from the Mostly Harmless kinkmeme.
Kingdom Hearts sketchdump. Again, spoilers because Vanitas' face. Yet I can't stop drawing the creepy little bastard. :|
Leon and Cloud for Zeff's fic Gunmetal.
Lots of Tales fanart, also with Trish from DMC and Beatrice and Jessica from Umineko, and well as the Maximum Ride kids. The half-naked guys are from Simoun, which is like Evangelion with lesbians. I kid you not.
Ventus and Roxas, Xion and Sora. (KH)
Elucifur from ToV, Kritya form. (my design since he has no official one.)
teenage Duke looking unenthusiastic as usual. (ToV)
Dejana in color (Perfect Sky)
Damuron being an idiot. (ToV)
Casey/Canary (ToV)
kind of crappy Aqua sketch.
ToA sketchdump. Sad Luke/Tear moment from the Drama CD.
Moar Elucifur. I used these sketches to make his icons.
Some sketches of Dejana for her icons. Can't find the other half atm.

...whew. This is why I need to not put things off.

let's try this again; RP INFO

stormfallen — Sat, 02 Oct 2010 08:23:53 GMT

LAST UPDATED:12/13/2011
MUN STATUS: active but a little slow.

Name: Enzel

Current games/characters

@queenofheartsrp

XION | Kingdom Hearts: 358/2 Days | mnementomori
CLAIRE BENNETT | Tales of Rebirth | persical
GAILARDIA GALAN GARDIOS | Tales of the Abyss | hopelessdreamer
RAVEN | Tales of Vesperia | variabledge

Other/DRs

dear_mun
memebells

Open RP post HERE.

Other muses/journals in comments.

old stuff and links

stormfallen — Tue, 21 Sep 2010 21:25:02 GMT

Emo crap aside. Pretty much everything I do from here on: art, icons, etc, is all gonna be on this because I'm going to start actually using tags. /fails forever

CONTACT/LINKS

My DA
Anything else: PM me. I don't check my email that often. This goes for my y!gallery, because I don't really wanna link to that atm. Though if you're already a member, it shouldn't be too hard to find me if you stalk the Leon/Cloud and Tales clubs.

OLD STUFF

my old journal
old writing and fics
quotes and other dumb stuff
icons and sketchdumps
My old DA
My old DA for yaoi, etc

stormfallen — Sat, 11 Sep 2010 21:05:12 GMT

Moved from sakurabatou.

Yes I've been playing BbS why do you ask.