shape the pain into something great, disintegrate and reintegrate

April-June Sketchbook

stick — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 17:08:46 GMT

I finally filled up a whole sketchbook. Here's what went down!

stick — Thu, 23 Jun 2011 05:37:33 GMT

I didn't make an eljay post today like I'd planned, so y'all get an apology instead.

THOUGH RECENTLY, with how little I've been using my journal... I've been debating whether or not it's worth it to keep updating. On the one hand, you guys are awesome and I love reading about things that's happening with everyone. And I've had this journal since, like, my freshman year of high school. But on the other hand, Tumblr, Plurk, and even the Facebook + Twitter combo have been so much easier... and LJ does have a habit of screwing things up every couple of months. Besides, whatever I'd want to say in my LJ entries could be said in YouTube videos, perhaps more creatively and entertainingly. DILEMMA.

The School vs. Work-and-Life Conflict

stick — Fri, 17 Jun 2011 01:57:52 GMT

All day, every day.

stick — Wed, 15 Jun 2011 23:56:41 GMT

What it be, guys. Got my Spring quarter grades back and it looks like 4.0s across the board--except for my computer science class, which just has an asterisk where the grade should be. But I got full credit for the class, so I must have at least passed!? I'm not worried about it, since it was the first class I've actually hated in a long time. Me and computer science, man, we never get along.

I've been having an awesome break. I've been lounging around, eating Cheetos, catching up at paradisa... I've been watching a lot of Psychadelic Snake's videogame walkthroughs because I'm too cheap to buy these games myself. It really makes me want to go into making video game walkthroughs; he makes it look like so much freakin' fun. I don't have any of the right gear for it, though. Alas.

Anyway, I'm watching him play through Persona 3, which is really ace. ~~JUNPEI MY MAN.~~ I think today I'm also going to start finally reading Homestuck because if I don't start now, I will probably never, ever, ever catch up. A friend is coming over this weekend and we're going to marathon all of Cowboy Bebop because I've never seen it all the way through... and Philosophy Guy will be over on Friday for more Battlestar Galactica. It's like I'm getting back in touch with my inner geek, I missed it so. oAo

I saw X-MEN: First Class a while ago and totally loved it for all the wrong reasons. It was the cheesiest, and I totally shipped it. Yeah, you know what I'm talking about. I'm sure comic buffs could gripe about it, but for someone who's only casually in-the-know when it comes to X-Men, I thought it was loads of fun.

And I pained my nails for the first time in months. BONUS LEVEL: COMPLETE.

As a parting thought, everyone should watch Conan O'Brien's Dartmouth College Commencement Address. It's hilarious and encouraging. I've got more I want to say about it, but I'll leave those thoughts for another post. :)

stick — Thu, 09 Jun 2011 04:39:36 GMT

Oh sweet freedom, I'm finally finished with my finals.

My art final was super easy, but my computer science and history finals were killer. The first was a series of one-hundred multiple-choice questions that I only sort-of knew. The second involved me writing a three-page essay on a mystery topic, given to us the day of the test. The good news is that I knew I was going to pass both classes no matter what--even if I completely flunked the finals--and that was definitely a relief. My magical 3.8 GPA is probably going to take a beating, but there are more important things in life.

Speaking of life, I feel like I finally have mine back. I can do all the important things I've been putting off for the last week, like scholarships and loans and money and sobsobsob. I'm going to do some art projects first, though, in the place of where I would be in school. I'm determined to write a Skeleton City script in the two-week break before classes start again!

How did everyone else's finals go? Or did you have your finals ages ago? Or have you not had them yet? My school seems to be a couple weeks to a month behind most people in that regard.

stick — Thu, 02 Jun 2011 02:37:57 GMT

I added links to my half-billion social networking and art account sites in my profile, mostly for my record. I finally gave in to the leviathan that is Twitter, partly for the potential selling platform, and partly so I can participate in all the cool things that my favorite vloggers do there. And partly to watch Lady Gaga. Don't judge me.

The newest addition to my "things I want to blow a lot of money on" list? A camcorder. I'd like one with a rotating display and a really good microphone, but I doubt I could find one like that for under $200. I might just get a new webcam instead for a forth of the price, since my biggest beef right now is that my video quality is terrible. My sound is so-so, but I think I can adjust for that with a headset I have.

Did you know they're making a Candyland movie? Not just any Candyland movie, but one that tells a dark tale of good and evil. This could either be a complete disaster... or the best thing ever. Although that's what I said about Epic Mickey, and look how that turned out... Unrelated statement: Alice: Madness Returns needs to be out right now, because I played through the iPad storybook and may or may not be drooling over the art book.

Finals are next week. If no one hears from me for a few days, I'm probably passed out on top of the gored remains of my history notecards or buried under my computer science manuals.

stick — Mon, 30 May 2011 03:52:07 GMT

I got my hair all trimmed up yesterday. I looked like a boy when I first got it done, but my hair has a way of reforming overnight. The downside is that I can never do anything with it. The upside is that you could hack my hair to pieces and a day later, no one would be able to tell. I really love how it turned out, and even though most of the pink has faded out of my hair, it still looks pretty cool.

I've constantly been talking myself out of binge-buying things now that I've got a little room to spend. The latest thing? I've wanted to go and buy some wigs. Some long, brightly-colored wigs. I keep seeing bright orange ones in store windows, though pink would also be great. I would totally wear them to school and not even care. I could braid them. I also want to comb through a Goodwill for some more costume-like clothing, because I love wearing corsets and vests and frilly shirts. But if I started on that track, I'd burn through what little I've got saved up without a second thought.

I saw Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides yesterday. If you're looking for a good pirate-y time, I would totally recommend it, because I had a lot of fun. Like the previous Pirates movies, the plot moves back and forth between a few different groups and might drag on a little longer than is necessarily good for it... but now that they've dropped the storyline with Mr. and Mrs. Turner, the movie was a lot less weighty. I was free to go, "More complications? Oh noes!" instead of wondering how much longer they could possibly play the "Character X has switched sides!" card. The new characters were all really interesting, Blackbeard was an excellent villain for the movie, and I actually really like what they ended up doing with the returning characters, especially Barbossa. It was interesting to see Jack as the true main character (as in the previous movies, he shared the stage with Will), because we got to see more than just his usual... hand-waving... girly-running... saying-wacky-things... self. Though there was plenty of that anyway. And the mermaids! Good gravy, the mermaids. My inner history nerd did a little backflip of joy when the Spanish showed up. I'm always tickled by how much research they put into these movies, even if they fridge-logic their way through most of it.

And I finally started watching Battlestar Galactica, the new one. I hope Starbuck stays cool and that I eventually find a reason to like Gaius. Also, there's an awful lot of making out. 8( I may or may not get over that. I'm awkward.

I don't speak German but I can if you like.

stick — Sat, 28 May 2011 04:45:59 GMT

I'm back from New York! People keep asking me how it was, and the first words out of my mouth are always, "Dirty, loud, and it smelled terrible." Despite that, I really did have an awesome time. My favorite places to visit were the the New York Public Library and St. Patrick's Cathedral, mostly because I've got a serious love of Beaux-Arts and Gothic architecture. It was interesting to see how different the people are there. I can believe that there's a huge sense of community there, even if it's in unlikely places. I'll try and get my pictures and video from the trip up this weekend, if my schedule permits.

School's a total drag right now. I wish I could just take art and history classes forever, but I've got so much other shit to do. All I've felt like doing lately is doodling and sleeping. I've been kind of worried that I've got some weird sleep deprivation problem, but the truth of the matter is just that I'm a college student who works too hard.

Last night, I think I dreamed up an entire choreography and storyboard for a Lady Gaga music video. Outrageous costumes and bizarre religious references included. It was pretty awesome.

And how's this for weird: today I was walking Philosophy Guy through where I live, and we saw this hobo in a cart, chuggin' along backwards through the middle of the street... When he noticed us walking, he called out really loud, "Look at the beautiful young couple! You two have a glorious day." And we were just sort of... like... aaah /face in hands.

But we said thank you. It was nice of him... to say... anyway. dsjfklsdfsd.

stick — Wed, 18 May 2011 01:34:36 GMT

When I was a small child, I would ask my dad, "Can you make me a sandwich?"

And he would wiggle his fingers at me and say, "Poof. You're a sandwich."

I have no questions as to why I turned out the way that I did.

stick — Sun, 15 May 2011 17:54:38 GMT

Yesterday I lounged around like a bum in my wife beater, ate my own weight in Cheetos and pizza, and then spent most of my time bumming around online. I'm paying for it now, but no fucks were given; I think I needed a day to recharge and get some roleplay affairs settled.

In other news, Kanye West needs to get out of my pop music. Norman Reedus can stay, though.

I can't believe I'm taking a trip to New York in four days. I live in Washington (the state, not the capital), and the furthest I've ever been away from home is southern California. I don't know if anyone on my f-list lives there or has ever stayed there, but does anyone have any suggestions for what me and my friends should check out while we're there? We'll definitely be hitting up Central Park, our hotel is in Chinatown, and we're probably going to pool together for a long and proper tour-bus trip through the city. Because yes, we are that kind of tourist.

Miscellaneous dreamthings.

stick — Sat, 14 May 2011 21:14:10 GMT

In the last few days I had a couple dreams. The only things I can really coherently remember from the first is that most of it took place in my room, and that there was a man there who could pick apart his own matter until he turned invisible. He could divide himself up into little one-inch cubes at the largest, and into individual molecules at the smallest. He could also extend this power to other people he was holding on to.

Last night I had a dream where I got on a bus to go to school, but I'd forgotten my school things at home. I was also dressed in flip-flops and a one of my wife beaters, which was hardly appropriate for the snowy weather outside. For the most part, I was just conflicted about whether or not I should get off the bus, turn around, and get everything... or if I should just suck it up so that I wouldn't be late. In the end, the snow was so high that school would have been cancelled anyway.

This dream was basically me all last quarter, because I would always leave my giant art portfolio at home and have to trudge back six blocks to get it. ;__; I really hate being late to things. It freaks me out.

Hi guys.

stick — Sat, 14 May 2011 06:47:24 GMT

Sorry I've been so lame about eljay-ing lately. I'm hoping to get into the swing of things again this weekend. But, for now... sleep.

I love history.

stick — Thu, 05 May 2011 02:45:57 GMT

Though, really, Philip IV fucked a lot of people's days up.

stick — Tue, 03 May 2011 13:58:09 GMT

This morning I thought about pouring milk into a frying pan, then nearly poured boiling hot water on a plate. This is not uncommon; when I was younger, I used to leave the box of cereal in the refrigerator and put the milk in the cupboard. More bizarrely, I also sometimes left books in the fridge on accident.

But I have a friend who sometimes leaves her mittens in the toaster, so I guess mine's not that bad a case.

This is a blatant to-do list.

stick — Tue, 03 May 2011 02:32:20 GMT

MEDIEVAL HISTORY:
◻ Crossword puzzle.

COMPUTER SCIENCE:
◻ Plan for next week.

2-D DESIGN:
◻ Gradient strips for color.

WORK:
◻ Hayworth?

OTHER:
◻ Return book to library.
◻ Email financial aid info to SCAD.
◻ Send portfolio.
◻ Set up MyScad.
◻ Make iTunes playlists.
◻ Z-ster wikia, permissions, census.

♪ these days it's hard to tell what's outside from what's in my mind

stick — Sun, 01 May 2011 03:35:57 GMT

✿ Went on a really short hike this morning (about a mile and a half) but had a really hard time with it. It was probably the kill combo of missing breakfast + sleep deprivation that got me. Saw a lot of great trees, though, as well as an elk, a hummingbird, a snail, and plenty of robins.

✿ Attended a drag show that my college put on two days ago. It was a lot of fun. I got plenty of footage, so hopefully I'll be able to smush a video together and upload the pictures soon. Some of the girls were really gorgeous, and one of them was hilarious; I haven't laughed so hard in months.

✿ Getting wrapped up in a lot of work projects. Planning a collaborative poetry day with the Prism club so that the Writing Center can help contribute to a more diverse and accepting environment. They've been getting hit pretty hard lately, and I'm glad I can help, if only a little bit.

✿ Finally have a replacement laptop. It's much faster and prettier than my old one. It's also running Windows 7, which is exponentially better than Vista. We think Staples had to do some underhanded stuff to actually replace my old computer, though. It was weird.

✿ Didn't sleep much this week. Averaging five and a half hours a night, I think. I'm one of those people who need 7+ a night. Mostly I've been up because of homework and projects for work, but bizarre, unsettling dreams have been doing their fair share.

✿ Tonight I'm going to have to have a good sit-down with my priorities and see what I can afford to cut out of my life. I have reached max capacity. I only get about five hours a day to myself, and three hours of that are easily eaten by homework. I just need more room.

✿ I'm declaring the month of May to be "Stick Pays For College Month" (SPFCM?), because the majority of my new "free time" will be spent working on scholarships, grants, and other things that fall under the Stick Needs Money category. I will try my best not to burn out.

✿ On the bright side, I get a week-long vacation to New York in the middle of May. I am full of excitement and uncertainty. But mostly excitement. All my classes are set up in such a way that I can get all my homework/quizzes in early before I go, so my grades won't suffer.

An inquiry.

stick — Thu, 28 Apr 2011 15:52:16 GMT

Flamingos eat lots of krill and shrimpthings, which is what turns them pink.

If you give a white flower dyed water to drink, it'll start to turn that color.

Could you then feed flamingos dyed krill to make them different colors?

And if you can get rainbow flowers, could you create a rainbow flamingo?

Bet you never thought about that, did you?

♪ Here he comes, Mr. Terrible...

stick — Tue, 26 Apr 2011 13:47:54 GMT

My dreams last night were really weird.

The first involved me being a part of this... orphanage or school with a bunch of other girls. The woman in charge started out nice, but she got creepier and creepier, and the setting became more and more rusted and decayed. Eventually I decided to leave, and I had to navigate up a lot of stairs back, onto these pristine manor grounds, and through the streets until I could find someone who would help me. Weirdly, I did find a woman who helped me and gave me a guest room to sleep in for the night. I was worried the headmaster would still find me because the room was full of shadows, but I slept there anyway. Once I realized that, despite her eventually going crazy, the headmaster had helped me a lot... everything got a little brighter and I was able to sleep peacefully.

I woke up in the real world and fell back asleep--this time my dream shifted to where it was me doing my homework on my bed and hearing the familiar Latin chanting from The Hunchback of Notre Dame downstairs. My brother was checking out DVD extras when I went to go look. It was fine and dandy until the DVD started showing a segment, like, "Most disturbing things ever filmed." My dream logic said these were things the creators considered using in the movie somewhere. My brother and I were both pretty appalled.

I can only remember two. The first was where there were two stands, like for a bird to perch on. On the first stand had the skin (feathers, etc.) of an owl, kind of deflated and empty and missing the face. On the second, right next to it, had the insides of the owl all stacked up so that it had a vaguely owl shape, with the face draped oddly on top of it. The second scene started with a man dancing on a stage of some kind, singing, "♪ Here he comes, Mr. Terrible..." followed by footage of him dressed up in a scarecrow costume and having hung himself from the ceiling. The body was swaying back and forth a little, like he'd just done it. He was wearing a mask that I've actually designed for one of my Skeleton City characters. The singing just kept going over the footage.

The whole dream experience kind of screamed Silent Hill this time. I've still got the tune of that song stuck in my head. Nnnnegh.

Mercury is in Retrograde

stick — Thu, 21 Apr 2011 04:09:11 GMT

I'm trying to motivate myself into starting a bunch of work. I should stop taking on extra jobs at work. My studying load is bad enough as it is. Caffeinated tea is slowly becoming my savior, which is the first step down the long and depressing trail of an authentic college lifestyle. Cheers.

I had a weird day at work. My staff hour turned into me hosting a workshop, my little "pretend to be a receptionist because ours is on break" slot involved someone yelling at me because of a misunderstanding, and then I was drafted into a meeting without anyone telling me what the meeting was about or why I was attending. I also got two paper paper cuts and argued about whether or not a wooly mammoth would beat a tyrannosaurus rex in a fight.

stick — Tue, 19 Apr 2011 05:20:14 GMT

Always tired and stressed about money. Not a great combination. Drinking caffeinated tea to try and get through the last chapter of my homework for tonight. I'll pass out after that.

I got to relive everything I hated about High School Group Work today. In my medieval history class, I wound up in a group of five and ended up doing most of the work. I thought Henry II sounded like a pretty cool guy, eh murders his archbishop and doesn't afraid of anything. I genuinely wanted to learn about the topics that my other group members were assigned as well. It's just frustrating to have been stuck in a group of guys who either hadn't read the sources, did the assignment wrong, or who couldn't even humor me by bullshitting some answers.

On the bright side, I bought my co-worker (we will call him Nostalgia Guy) and myself a drumstick each (those ice cream treats on a cone, wrapped in paper) because another co-worker (we will call her Biology Major) was eating one delightedly in front of us. I got the second drumstick as a surprise for Nostalgia Guy, because he'd thought I was just going to get one for myself. It went like this:

NG: W-Wow, thank you!
ME: No problem. This makes up for that time you gave me gummy snacks... and that cliff bar...
NG: This is so great, I wasn't expecting that.
BM: And it's your birthday, too!
ME: Yeah, it... IS YOUR BIRTHDAY, THAT'S RIGHT! --I mean, yeah, I totally planned that.

So that worked out pretty well.

The caffeine's kicked in. Time to finish another boring computer science unit.

Drinking and Comics (but not at the same time)

stick — Sun, 17 Apr 2011 18:54:02 GMT

My friends threw a drinking party last night, partly because we haven't all seen each other in ages, and partly because two of us had recently turned twenty-one. I was a giggly drunk, which came as a surprise to no one. What did come as a surprise was that I wasn't wobbling around after three shots of vodka like everyone thought I would be. Surprise tolerance and a full stomach, for the win.

Drinks of the night were: three celebratory vodka shots that I gagged through (tastes like burning), a couple of screwdrivers that were mostly orange juice because I'm a pansy, some vodka and cranberry juice which was good but not as good as the screwdrivers, and a mike's hard strawberry lemonade that was great except for the carbonation (because I'm weird and don't like carbonated things). And water. No hangover, just feel a little 'bleh' here and there. All things considered, it was a lot of fun and I'm glad my friends were lookin' out for me the whole time. Must do it again sometime.

On a completely and totally different note, I've been thinking about putting my current webcomic project on hold for a while while I figure out the plot and characters and build up the skills I need to put the sort of quality into it that I want. In it's place, I want to start something in a typical four-panel strip sort of format. I've got a million ideas for it, and it would be a heck of a lot easier than my trying to get in a whole colored page a week. There are some other reasons I want to switch projects, but those are the big ones.

So yeah.

I am filled with generic rage.

stick — Sat, 16 Apr 2011 15:59:17 GMT

I finally got my computer back from the incompetent Staples + Dell combination. It took three and a half weeks. I've had it back for all of three days, lost some of my music and documents in the file transfer, and I'm tired of having to reinstall everything.

I restarted it this morning for a standard Windows update and it experienced the same OS failure that it did before they replaced the hard drive and "fixed" everything. A few other things still don't work the way they should either. Did they not, you know, replace the operating system after I clearly said that there's a problem with my operating system?

I am just.

Frustrated. Really, really frustrated.

Mom and I are going to go down to Staples today and raise hell. We'll see how that goes. I'm angry enough to start crying. There's no reason I shouldn't get a replacement computer at this point. I just want a computer that works, is that too much to ask?

stick — Mon, 04 Apr 2011 05:14:16 GMT

M'not sure what to do with everything so far this quarter. I've been telling myself I'm just off-kilter because I don't have my own computer and my books are either online or unaccounted for. I've also been tired and distracted. Two out of three of my classes seem boring. I'm still trying to find a niche to settle into. I need to think about things.

Medieval History: I was expecting this class to be a more modern history class. What a surprise that was. I like history, but this is really hard. Too many names and dates. All "useless" information to me. I also have little to no knowledge of European geography, which is fucking me up. I need to put some effort into that if I want to understand things.

Reading exercises are stand-alone. That's not hard. The first one only took me a couple of hours. Could either assign them to a single day or divide them up over the week. Will look at the other ones. Book exercises are in the textbook, which I don't have yet. Maybe I should copy chapters eight and nine from the library book so that I can get the notecards done? Also seems like it would be extended over the week, because reading a whole history book chapter at a time seems tedious and difficult. Film exercises are supplementary and at the end of the week. Quizzes might be the devil. The final exam is the devil's uncle.

Mostly I just need to wrap my head around what the fuck is going on at this point in history. We're behind in lectures, the reading jumps ahead, and I don't have the book. I think that the book is really the key that I'm missing, here. I'll try making a timeline once I've got a hold of the pages. Copying tomorrow morning, then. Great. Okay.

I should spend less time freaking out about copying dates down during lectures and just try to focus on overarching themes and events. I can get the dates and names down after class from the power points. Over-complicating things? Probably. But my brain shuts down when it's faced with a bunch of dates and names. I have one week, let's see what I can piece together.

Computer Science: For some reason, all the instructors of computer-based classes that I've ever had have been boring and confusing. Emailed him about Being Rather Confused and the supplementary material he gave me hasn't been Terribly Helpful. Why do we have two textbooks? Why doesn't he mention any due dates? Why are we starting in chapter four? What the fuck ever.

First book actually helpful. Each chapter is approximately five units long, which means that I should be golden if I read one unit a night, which would be best if I read one unit ahead of the given day's lesson. Rather, I think I'll end up just reading the whole goddamn thing on the weekends. Or maybe a unit a day and a project a day in the second book. He says we can just cruise ahead on those assignments so long as we do exactly what the book says and I am, if nothing else, very good at following directions.

Not having my own computer has made this class very frustrating. Bookwork will help. Breathing helps, too. Taking notes would help. I should look into a notebook for that. Okay, cool. Also need to figure out when I will respond to posts on Angel. Hnnng, Tuesdays? That's when I'm off work early. Could make that my Angel day.

2-D Design: I don't even really need to mention this class. I love it. The homework is therapeutic. I should figure out a way to streamline my art supplies, though, so that I don't give myself more back problems than I already have. I look forward to this class more than I've ever looked forward to an art class before. It balances out my two MASSIVELY UNSURE classes.

Writing Practicum: Yeahfuck. Better than last quarter, but the scattered workload is still being dredged over from last quarter. The committees got reorganized, which is great. So what do I need to do (it's so impossible to keep this all in my head)? Job things--need to do observations. Need to job shadow. One a day should be fine. I also want to watch over my newbie, because she sounds really awesome. She's an English major. Writes "vampire stuff--but not Twilight." I should show her around on Monday.

Project things--cultural lens. Got to update the board. Got to look into flags. Got to get together with Coworkers A and B to figure out what our project is going to be and on what week we'll be doing it. Something where people separate into groups according to their type, I think. Too many scenario activities lately. We'll brainstorm.

Committee work--going to put the kitchen work into motion. Gotta get everything labeled. That place is a mess. I also want to assign people to update the sea of words board and the workshops place. Should check with Kerry to see if the evaluation slips are ever going to get a date put on them. Maybe I'll ask around about if the place needs more or less art anywhere. Coworker C is usually happy to help with that stuff, so I'll ask for her opinion.

omg wtf college: Will get my portfolio in as soon as I've got my own computer back again. I've got more than enough. Need to get my parent's financial information together and then fill out my dependency form so that they can tell me about what grants n' stuff I'm eligible for. Holding off on loans for a little while--I'll focus on scholarships instead. I've got some lined up, I just have to look into them and do them. I'm hoping for one a week. I think I can do it. The whole thing scares the shit out of me, but I've got to keep going at it with confidence. I can do it. It'll happen.

Life in General: Still cooking on Tuesdays. I'll have to get back into a comic schedule when I've got my computer back. I miss it. I want to start playing with my dog daily and putting in a little bit more exercise. I also need to remember to wash my face more. I need to do my laundry. I want to read daily. I want to create more. I want I want I want.

At least the weather's getting better.

I've been in a fog lately. I'm not sure if I'm just tired or stressed or if my sinuses are acting up, but it's almost visual. Actually, maybe it's my glasses. I need to get my eyes checked. Anyway, the edges of my vision get a little fuzzy and grey, like there's something pressing in on my ability to perceive the reality in front of me. And I'm always feeling... mentally pressed. It comes with a really strange mood, like I'm tired and antsy all at the same time. I've been weepy a lot lately. It's also a mood that really pushes me to go make art and write things. It's like the feeling you get at the end of really tragic movies, but dulled out and not as jaw-dropping. I've been going to bed early because I've felt burned-out, but it's like my brain just doesn't feel like turning off with the rest of me.

I might just be depressed. I've never really been depressed before, so I'm not sure if I can make that call, and I know I'll probably pull myself out of it once I start feeling on-track and have my own computer again. I was good to myself this weekend and didn't bother trying to get up before 10am either day. I've got the steps I need to take to feel in-control of my schoolwork and such. I think I just feel too emotionally heavy in the here and now.

Go get your crew to hype you up, stand behind you like, "Whoo!"

stick — Fri, 01 Apr 2011 23:27:06 GMT

I'm sorry I haven't been around to reply to anyone's posts or messages. My computer is still in a mysterious third-party shop. It might actually be in China, for all I know. I'm working on figuring the whole thing out. The good news is yesterday was the start of the period in which I was told I can expect them to get back to me.

But I wanted to talk about my birthday a little. Birthdays are strange for me, and this might be something that developed in recent years rather than one of those weird things that set in during my childhood. But I have no idea what to do with birthdays. They make me feel awkward. Loved, appreciated, and surrounded by wonderful friends... but awkward. Mostly because I don't know what to do with all the positive feedback and love. I don't expect much. I'm always surprised by how much I receive, and I genuinely appreciate everything from the wrapped presents to the small, startled, "Oh. Happy late birthday!" moments.

And I don't really celebrate my own birthday. I don't party on my birthdays unless someone else prompts me. This week, my birthday's felt more like a week rather than a day. The celebrating has just sort of trickled in, and it'll slowly ease out into normality for the rest of the week.

I haven't really done any drinking yet. A friend's mother made me a White Russian, though, and that was pretty darn delicious. 8)

First, I got my hair cut really short. My friends joke that my hair gets shorter and shorter every year--by the time I'm 25, I'll just wind up with a buzz cut. For right now, I've got a pixie cut. I had part of my bangs dyed bright pink, something I've secretly wanted to do since I was five (there was an episode of Bill Nye where the scientist talking about the rain forest canopy had pink streaks in her hair and I've wanted them ever since). That was the present from my mom, because I would never pay $100 for my own hair. I'm way too cheap. :)

Then I went shopping for new art supplies for my 2-D Design class (WHICH I LOVE, BY THE WAY) and after a half-hour of shuffling excitedly around a giant art supply store, my dad stepped in and paid for everything for me. That was his present, which was just about the best present he could have gotten me. I was bouncing around excitedly the whole ride home--I love art supplies.

Then I had my cake, and ate it, too! Chocolate chocolate chocolate cake with chocolate on top. I got to see two friends I haven't seen in ages and we all exchanged our Christmas gifts (see a previous post for details). I got some cute jewelry, gloves, and some chopsticks for the hair I no longer have. I-I'll probably end up eating with them. |D; There was some Lady Gaga gear, a "YOUR MOM" lanyard, and a pin of that one guy who says, "hide yo wife, hide yo kids..." Another friend gave me a sleeping mask, a gorgeous scarf, a glow-stick trident, and a Barnes & Nobles gift card. I promptly spent the latter on The Hunchback of Notre Dame on DVD. I also bought this book... I think it was called The Art of Disney. My mom has a version of it up in our guest room, but it's really old. This updated version has art all the way up through The Incredibles, so I'm excited to look through it.

And then I got to work today, and one of my co-workers walked up to me with her hands behind her back all conspicuous-like... After I gave her a suspicious look, everyone said happy birthday and she handed me this gorgeous origami bird that held an origami envelope filled with nice notes on paces of paper that all of my co-workers had written. Our super-artsy biology major made me some cards for my name-tag with my favorite Pokemon on them. My chatting buddy up at the front desk got me these cheesy little electric candles and a really beautiful pendant for a necklace in a cute, sparkly box. It came with bright pink miniature sleigh bells on the front of the bag. I was so delighted with everything that I sort of just hid in my corner and read things and djlfkasd.

AND THEN, the best thing happened. One of my co-workers is codenamed Cute Boy around here because everyone has had a crush on him at some point (myself included). Girls sign up for sessions with him because he's ridiculously good-looking. Anyway, he had kind of a weird childhood and didn't get to watch or read too much that took place outside of normal "real life" and religious context, so he's really interested in art and imagination and other sort of philosophies regarding reality. A few quarters back, he got really interested in Alice in Wonderland, and since I'm kind of a buff on the subject, we had a lot of chats about it. We ended up going to the movies to see Alice in Wonderland and How to Train Your Dragon together on the same day. A couple days ago, the day got brought up in conversation again, and he was surprised that I remember it so clearly.

That was the day I also said I hated April Fool's Day, because I'm totally gullible and people always go, "I got you a present. Hahaha, April Fools. B)" Jerks, right? Sob.

Anyway, he walks up to me after our work meeting and sort of follows me down the stairs. We're talking, but he ends with, "So the reason I'm following you is because I got you a present."

I say, "What, really?" and he goes, "April Fools."

I hang my head but start laughing, because I'd really fell for it. And then he says, "April Fools, April Fools." And explains that he really did. A confusing exchange of whether or not he actually had anything (How many times can you say "April Fools" before you end up defaulting, anyway?) he handed me a stack of presents, grinning. He said that he wanted to be the first person to make an April Fool's joke out of the presents and then say that the joke was a joke.

He got me three huge bars of chocolate and Alice in Wonderland on DVD. To top things off, that DVD was the one thing I was sad I hadn't actually gotten for my birthday, and I'd just decided not to buy it myself the night before. It was perfect.

He got a hug for that one. I hope his girlfriend really appreciates him, because I may forever mourn the fact that he isn't single. :')

And now I'm going to go home and watch my DVD and do art things with my new art supplies. I get to wait happily for the next week or so for my favorite Disney movie and fantastic art book to show up, and we'll be having my birthday dinner on Sunday after a movie. I'm calling sushi night, baby! There might also be a cheesecake date with a good friend in there somewhere. I'm really looking forward to just taking it easy this weekend and having a good time.

After twenty-one years of this life thing, I've decided that it's pretty good. Even with all its downs, it's cracks, and its anxiety-causing moments, life is really pretty good.

A very merry unbirthday to you all. ♥

Hold the fucking phone.

stick — Thu, 24 Mar 2011 03:59:10 GMT

Lemme pause this shit to express a little bit of my frustration, here.

So as you may know, I brought in my computer to be fixed six and a half days ago. I have this warranty agreement from hell where Staples and Dell try to work together to solve whatever computer problems I'm having, and they're really bad at communicating with each other. I've sent my computer in twice for the same problem before. The Staples and Dell combination has failed to fix it. That, within itself, is pretty rage-tastic. The first time I brought in my computer, on the long list of "things that are wrong" I added that my computer's clock doesn't work. The time moves way too slowly. The guy just shrugged it off with a, "Yeah, that happens with my computer all the time lol."

I brought it up this time and that same guy was like, "You know, that might actually be causing some of your problems." NO SHIT, BUDDY.

But this time, I managed to get Staples to elevate my case so that Dell will either scoop out the parts that don't work (like, oh, the fucking motherboard) and replace them, or just replace the whole damn computer. And I was like, whooo, all right, I'm gonna get my computer back in ten days.

Yesterday night, I got a box in the mail. Rather, a box that hadn't been folded out yet. Dell sent me a box in the mail, and I was under the impression that I was supposed to send out whatever computer I got back in this mysterious box if I was unsatisfied or if it had issues again. That made logical sense. But I called back Staples today, on day six, to see what was up.

He goes, "Uh... Yeah, you... Were supposed to get a box...?"

I go, "Oh, yeah. I got it yesterday."

"Can you bring it over? We need it to send your laptop to the Dell repair shop."

Sssssoooooo my laptop has been sitting in their back room for a week. The box was sent to me instead of to them. I shouldn't expect to see my laptop for seven to fourteen business days. School starts in four.

Having worked two jobs that are pretty much nothing but customer service, I don't want to say that I could do their jobs better than they can. But goddamn it, I could do their jobs better than they can. What the fuck. Every time I have had to deal with these guys, they've been incompetent slackers. Every time.

RAAHRHAJRSALDKF I'm gonna go paint out my feelings. B( There are a lot of angry calls in my future.