spoonah

THIS GOES OUT TO MAH GRL, AMANDA~!~!~!~!

spoonah — Thu, 27 Sep 2007 04:40:32 GMT

okay so.
-oct. 8th, jarrod and i are flying to alabama to get our car :)
mile high club, here i come!
-nov. 6th, maylene and the sons of disaster and every time i die show! fucking kick ASS!!!
-nov. 7th, JARROD'S 19TH BIRTHDAY! don't worry, everyone is invited. :D
-nov. 22nd, badfish (sublime tribue band) show. never listened to them but everyone says that they are amazing.
-nov. 24th, BRAND NEW concert! i've been waiting to see them since the 9th grade.
and a bunch of stuff in between probably.

tonight was fun. me, jarrod, dan, ashley, mazetti, danielle, gay alex, and chris went to galleys pizza, then the beach to skim board. it was so beautiful, there was a full moon and the sunset was simply amazing.
i love living in florida!
and, it was the first day that i haven't smoked in a looooong while. it was pretty nice actually.
tomorrow me and kristen and alex are eating some shrooms and hopefully tripping. it's been really hit and miss lately with the shrooms here but we get them free so we can't complain much.

too tired to type anymore.

spoonah — Sun, 02 Sep 2007 21:48:23 GMT

Today I played Harry Potter on Wii and it was awesome. Tonight=weed olympics! I am somewhat excited, after this Jarrod and I aren't smoking for a week. The past few days have been pretty good, no Bob lurking around and partying every night. But my body is definitely tired.
I'm going to post a bunch of pictures soon.

spoonah — Mon, 27 Aug 2007 16:15:11 GMT

After having an emotional breakdown almost every day for the past month, I have decided to quit taking Ortho-Tricyclen Lo. I realized that after the first couple of weeks of taking it, I get mood swings like crazy and I think it's driving my boyfriend mad. I'll get mad over EVERYTHING, seriously. I just don't feel like myself anymore. Poor Jarrod, it must be difficult to have a psycho bitch as a girlfriend. He's been incredibly understanding about the whole thing though. So no more birth control pills for me, it's not worth it anymore.

AND I'm going to try and not smoke weed today because this has been my schedule just about every day:

Wake up and smoke.
Go somewhere, smoke on the way.
Friends come over, we smoke.
3 am in the morning and I can't go to bed, so I smoke!
And that's waaaayy too much and I feel like a shell of a person. Except I already smoked once today but I stopped early.

Just got a text from jarrod: "i love you so much goofy butt!"

Last night was awful but also kind of good. Robbie, Dale, and Dan came over after Jarrod got off work and we smoked. Then we all went to Mazetti's and Bob came too, we watched both Kill Bill's which was a mistake and smoked some more. Danielle wanted to make blueberry muffins but she needed 2 eggs and milk and Dan wanted limes and oranges for his blue moon beer or whatever so we went to Publix and stole 2 eggs and the fruit but I bought the milk. Anyway, at the end of the night I started to feel like shit, emotionally and physically which makes me frustrated. Wouldn't you feel frustrated if you generally felt like shit? So I start crying a little bit, but I keep in extremely low key except Jarrod noticed because he always does. By the time we are out the door I am completing bawling. Jarrod is like, "What is wrong with you?" And that's when I realized that I've turned into a modern day Jekyll & Hyde. So that made me ever more upset so I cried more, Jarrod said, "Don't be upset, there is nothing to be upset about." Which again, made me feel worse for whatever reason. We got in Bob's van, and went to Walgreens to buy stuff. Jarrod had to stay in the van to keep Angus company and I was about to go in the store when he grabbed my arm and he held my face in his hands and wiped the mascara that was smudged on my cheek and said that he loves me with all his heart and he's sorry for getting frustrated with me and then he kissed me a lot. So that made me feel better. We got home and we were hanging out in my room and Bob asked why my parents hate Jarrod and I told them about how I promised them I would stay a virgin until I was married. So we talked about that a bit, and I felt another emotional episode coming on, I think Bob sensed it too because he said he was going to go to bed. As soon as he leaves I started to cry again and Jarrod asked if I regret having sex with him. I said no but I don't know how I'm going to explain that to my future husband since I'm supposed to be pure and whatnot. And I was seriously crying sooo hard, it was ridiculous. Then Jarrod said, "Well, I'm not trying to hint at anything but what if your future husband is me? What if we make it?" So that made me think a bit. Then he said, "I want you to always remember what I'm going to say next, always. You are going to make some guy extremely happy one day. I hope it's me because I love you so much." So, with that we slowly drifted off to sleep together.

We woke up this morning with our legs all tangled together. We looked at each other and smiled, he got up and got ready for work. He always looks so handsome right before he leaves. I think about him all day while he is at work and when he comes home, I rub his back and ask him how is day went. He says, "Well, it was work. How was your day, sweetheart?" Then I tell him all the things I did. We smile. Sometimes I think we both are thinking, "Wait--aren't we too young for this?" But then we realize that no, we aren't. We are just two young scallywags in love and that should never ever be wrong.

Last night he said, "You know, some people die without ever finding what you and I have."
"That's pretty scary." I said.
"Yeah, it really is."

spoonah — Sun, 26 Aug 2007 20:05:18 GMT

I woke up this morning to a very loud "FUCK!!!" that Jarrod yelled, incidentally in my ear. He was supposed to wake up at 8 to go to work and the clock read 9:25. Then Bob showed up, like he has been doing every morning for the past week or so. At least he's progressively showing up later, the first time he came at 7 in the morning on Jarrod's day to sleep in. Anyway, he brought Angus with him and Jarrod and I are looking after him for a few days. Angus is Bob's HUGE tomcat, he's pretty chill though. Just sits with you all day, desperate for attention. His real name is Little Prince but that's lame, so I call him Angus when Bob's not around.
Anyway, while Jarrod ran frantically around trying to find a clean sock to wear, I packed a bowl, we smoked, then headed out the door at 9:50. I decided to go with them just so I could get some fresh air. Bob and I came pack to Gary (Jarrod's grumbling asswipe of a stepdad) throwing stuff from the spare room into me and jarrod's room. The room was TRASHED. He basically tossed the cat foot and water bowls on the floor, piled 54645 pounds of dirty clothes onto the bed and on the floor. Okay, yeah, they didn't exactly know a cat was staying in there in the first place BUT thats not the point.
So Bob and I sat there looking at each other and we just started cleaning like MAD.
We actually vacuumed, too! The floor is really, really clean.
Then my Dad picked me up, he took me to Wal-Mart and bought me shampoo, conditioner, and q-tips. He also gave me 15 bucks!
Get this, my parents offered me a CAR, a MINIATURE CHIHUAHUA, and an APPLE LAPTOP to come home. They said that next year I could move to Toronto and start going to school and they would send me money every month. Last night I had the first doubts ever about me and Jarrod's relationship. Or maybe at least me and Jarrod living together. I could be making a lot of money right now and living an easy life. Not that right now things are hard really. The only aspect that I'm worried about is my job situation, which just improved tenfold since Jarrod's Mum(who works at corporate DMV) managed to get the scans of my green card that they took when I got my license! So that's cool.
It's weird how different things would be if I wasn't with Jarrod. At times I find myself wanting to go back...but I've always said that love comes first with me. And I really do love Jarrod. I've always wanted what Jarrod and I have, ever since I was a little girl. I had it once before with Jeff, but since he died I've been searching for it ever since. I've waited and waited.

I don't know...I need to think about it some more. I really want to stay with Jarrod though, he makes me happy and I'm young and I need to enjoy this while I still can before I get too old.

pot and cranberry juice

spoonah — Sat, 25 Aug 2007 23:34:48 GMT

iron and wine=cool. jarrod is at work. bob is staying here and it's kind of obnoxious. i hate it when all of our friends are over and they walk WITH THEIR SHOES ALL OVER OUR BED. pfft. i'm definitely washing the sheets asap. just smoked by myself, super high. parents are about to pick me up so i can go to this adult soirée-type thing with them. that means lots of delicious hor'doeuvres! hurray for me! I am actually v. v. excited. shit! they're here!

spoonah — Tue, 21 Aug 2007 05:10:05 GMT

My week so far-compressed version.
slept over at amanda s' house saturday night.
came back home sunday morning, had to frantically hide the various marijuana paraphernalia b/c jarrod's dad is visiting from alabama.
went out to dinner with jarrod's dad and his friend bob at shells then we drove out to lakeland to visit some of their old friends.
it was an extremely interesting car ride. jarrod's dad kept hinting at me and jarrod's inevitable MARRIAGE which made me kind of nervous but excited in a weird way as well...i don't know. This lady from my old church took me out for sushi the other night and she preached at me the entire time. She said that Jarrod and I aren't in love, we're in lust and we couldn't possibly love each other because we are too young and it's just our hormones acting up. All I could think in my head was, "WTF?!" First of all, Jarrod and I went through a lot of shit in the very beginning of our relationship. If we were just interested in getting some poon, we would've broken up a long time ago because we rarely saw each other outside school and it's not like it's hard to find willing people these days. We stayed together even though my parents hated him and threatened to call the police and Jarrod said he wanted to stick with me through this and I just don't think people who were merely lusting after each other would do that.
whatever, end rant.
monday i woke up, smoked, jarrod and i talked about a bunch of stuff and then he kissed me goodbye when he left for work. it was like this:
Jarrod: (putting work hat on) Alright sweetheart, I'll see you in a few hours.
(kisses me a few times) I love you, bye!
Me: You too, have a great day.
*door shuts*
*few seconds pass*
Jarrod: (walks in with goofy grin on his face and kisses me again*) I love you!! bye!
and then you can repeat that about 3 more times until his mother yelled JARROD! and he had to rush out. teehee~
i called kristen, she picked me up and i went over there and played Wii and made my own Mii. It was so much fun! We went outside and smoked, then we went to Freedom to pick up Kimbo and TJ. IT WAS SO WEIRD TO NOT GO TO SCHOOL TODAY. :( I miss it terribly. After that we picked up Jarrod, then went back home to get his coins to cash at Publix. We went there and he cashed them and they were worth $30! So we bought pot and Jarrod is going to take me out to Moe's :)
Then we went back home and watched The Hunted, chilled and smoked. I smoke way too much, I think this journal is helping me realize that.
I think I better go check on the blueberry muffins I just made, they should be almost done.

spoonah — Thu, 16 Aug 2007 16:11:53 GMT

Last night was weird/fun. Justin came over. Jarrod said he wanted to drink so we did, we have half of a handle of captain so we walked to the gas station to buy some root beer or something. I also bought a pack of Djarum Black ciggs. I seriously loooooveee those but they are expensive so I can't smoke them too much. We got back and drank and smoked. Then we went walking outside and I sung Bible songs, then we went swimming. This dude that lives a few houses away showed up at the pool and invited us to his house to smoke so we went. After that I was waaayyy to fucked up to function anymore so I decided to go home early so I could lay down. I puked outside, puking up captain morgan is so gross. I stumlbed home, went on the computer and talked to Eileen but I can't remember what I said :/ then I laid down until Jarrod came home.

Now Jarrod is at work, he asked if he could take a djarum to work and i said yeah, but he doesn't have anything to put it in so he asked if he could just take the whole pack and put it in his pocket and i said yeah. i hope he doesn't give any of them to people because i want to make them last. At least I have 2 to smoke here, I think I may watch some TV and smoke one of them now.

Kristen might be coming over before work and leaving me guitar hero! Looovee that game.
I'm really tired/delirious.

I'm really screwed over, job-wise. I lost my green card, it costs $300+ to replace them and around 3 months. It sucks, I got hired at a really good job and I can't work there right now. They are probably going to end up firing me. Jarrod is working a lot now, I'm really proud of him. He's happy too because he says now he can support me or whatever, since we have been living off of my money for the past few months.

I've spent so much money lately on shit. Pot, booze and clothes, that's it. And food. Fuck, I have less than $100 in my bank account now. I'm going to try and return some of my clothes that I bought, especially my work clothes because those were around $50. I kind of just realized how fucked I am.

At least I know the bc pills are working. I'm so glad I have those but they make me feel so weird sometimes. I get these really awful panic attacks.

I found Jarrod's journal from the 2nd grade, haha it's so funny and cute.

Okay, here is my to-do list so I can feel like I have accomplished something.
1. Take a shower
2. Clean up room
3. Clean bathroom
4. Clean kitchen
5. Walk dogs
6. Relax and enjoy a cigarette/bowl.

So there we go. I need to give myself something to do while I'm at home by myself. I am taking surveys and making money from it, it's pretty cool and it works. I've already made $20 so at least there's that.

spoonah — Mon, 13 Aug 2007 22:11:37 GMT

I would just like to say that I am SO sorry for living the way I want to.
I'm also sorry for not making entries about my favorite food or the way I part my hair or other random shit that no one honestly cares about. Does anyone honestly care what other users put in their entries? I don't.

If you don't like reading about my sex life for whatever reason, THEN DON'T! Maybe you are a prude, maybe your sex life sucks, whatever it is, who cares? Why does it annoy you so much? And also, apparently I'm a slut for sleeping with one person, who I'm in a committed relationship with. Sex is fun, right? I enjoy it a lot, it's a part of my life now so I'm going to talk about it.

As for being a pothead, wtf? Fuck you! Just because I talk about when I smoked or what I did when I smoked doesn't mean I'm bragging or something. Just fuckekerrrereiddj

I don't know, everyone has been talking to me about this and it's frustrating. I've changed in a lot of ways, yeah I get it but a lot of me is still the same. Stfu.

spoonah — Fri, 10 Aug 2007 04:09:29 GMT

Well it really just hit me. No more high school. :/
It really makes me sad. You know how at the end of the summer, when laying around and doing nothing is boring to you, and you actually get a little bit excited for the new school year to begin? You get new classes, meet new people.
I really miss my 3rd period french class, that was the best. And german, and newspaper.
Look at my life. Last year I was getting home from volunteering at a church camp. Now I live with my boyfriend and party and I'm just completely different and I kind of miss last year before all of this sometimes.
It's weird, I'm not innocent at all anymore. I'm so used to being innocent and now I'm not. I miss being close with my family and God.
But I'm also having a lot of fun right now. I would never have any of the friends I have now if I still had the same mindset as I did before.
I get to go to Disney World with my family tomorrow, I'm really looking forward to it. At first I wasn't but now I totally am, I'm excited. I miss them a lot. I actually started crying while I typed that up, I still kind of am. I just don't know who I am anymore.
And I hate it when people say this is all Jarrod's fault. Yeah, if I never met him I would of never of started smoking pot or drinking, etc but I love him so much and he never pressured me to do anything. If anything, he didn't want me to start smoking but I really wanted to try it and see how it felt to me and I like it. If I never met him, I would never be taking any risks or living how I really wanted to live. Despite the fact that I was a more secure person last year, it was so incredibly monotonous and I wanted my life to be more exciting, I want to experience everything to make sure of what I want.

I know that in a few years I'm going to go back to how I was before. I want to go to church again regularly, get married and have a family. I think it would be cool to adopt.

Okay I know this is going to sound really funny after all of that but I'm really excited because I bought my first bong today and it's so fucking nice. It's huge! A bunch of people came over and we smoked out of it and it was great. After this Jarrod and I are going to smoke a lot by ourselves.

Last night I had a lot of fun! I went to this little party thing at Mazetti's. They just bought this really great 4 hose hookah and he also had passion-fruit flavored shisha, and lemon and peach and all this other stuff. Dan introduced me to Blue Moon with orange in it, it's so good which is weird because I normally hate beer. Danielle made the best blueberry muffins I have EVER tasted. Then we played smoking games and I bought a dub.

I'm excitedddd, Disney World tomorrow!

spoonah — Tue, 07 Aug 2007 06:52:24 GMT

lol, whatevs~
like i ever commented on your journal anyway!

spoonah — Sat, 04 Aug 2007 06:36:04 GMT

the bc i'm on is really starting to fuck with my head at times. thankfully, jarrod understands. i told him whenever i get like that to just take me aside and give me a big hug and kiss and tell me he loves me and i'll be fine. after that i'm great. i don't know though, it's getting really old. i just get so depressed out of nowhere.

i'm going to try and get a good night's sleep, tomorrow is a big day.

agenda tomorrow:
wake up, take shower, pick out a really cute outfit, DON'T EAT!!!, get groceries with kristen?, go to the beach, and TRIP BAWLZ!

spoonah — Thu, 02 Aug 2007 03:56:28 GMT

Jarrod and I bought the hookah, it's awesome. It hits really nicely for a small one and the middle lights up. Me, Jarrod, Justin, Scott and TJ just smoked the pineapple flavored we bought and it's really great. I'm glad we invested in one. I'm going to invite a bunch of people over and everyone will get to smoke it. So everyone I know irl, give me a call so we can chill!

Wow, I just drank a half glass full of cheap wine and I'm buzzzzeedd..
ALSO, we smoked out of Dagobert for the first time in a while today because we lost him but he is now found.

I'm trying shrooms this weekend with Jarrod and Alex and Kristen at the beach. I'm pretty stoked.

spoonah — Fri, 13 Jul 2007 13:52:12 GMT

somehow i have squished my life into two garbage bags, a duffel bag and a backpack.

i move out today. eeep!
my parents are being surprisingly nice about it!, helping me pack and whatnot.

so, here it goes.

spoonah — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 18:59:51 GMT

I move out with Jarrod tomorrow.

AHHHHHHHHHH. And get this, I have nothing packed away. I haven't even begun to start :/ I think I'll do that tonight.

Starting tomorrow, I can do whatever I want. Wow.

spoonah — Sat, 30 Jun 2007 03:25:48 GMT

hah, nevermind. i'm better now, it must've been the pills. good golly gosh.

spoonah — Fri, 29 Jun 2007 19:04:13 GMT

I'm in the worst fucking mood right now, for no reason at all.

spoonah — Fri, 29 Jun 2007 05:46:36 GMT

http://www.videowebtown.com/sinanwolfgazo14/2942/15068

Just a question.

spoonah — Fri, 29 Jun 2007 01:16:42 GMT

What is your opinion on mind-altering substances? what have you tried? what do you want to try? what will you never try?

share some of your best and worst experiences while drunk/on drugs.

spoonah — Thu, 28 Jun 2007 18:41:23 GMT

I get really pissed off when I wake up before 1 pm. I get pissed off when I wake up period. Time goes by so much faster when you are sleeping and I want nothing more than to just sleep these last 2 weeks away.
Maybe I should savor it though.
After my birthday my life will never be the same again. My relationship with my parents will no longer be the same and most of it is my fault.
I think a part of me is really going to miss my junior year when my relationship with my parents was basically my number one priority. They love me a lot.
What I've done is irreversible and I think I just realized that.

I should go get ready. Tim, Avril and I are going to the outlet malls about an hour away. Tim spent $300 on Gucci sunglasses yesterday, dayum.

I just don't know anymore.

Will love be enough?