Eye of Newt, Toe of Frog, Wool of Bat and Tongue of Dog

Knock Knock, Who's There?

spellbinding — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 09:45:03 GMT

Okay seriously I'm trying to start blathering about my wee, little life again. And to get me started, I've been attempting to read little bits of LJ here and there for the last week. It is truly a tough task to come out though when one has been web silent for this long!

Daunting, even.

And er, I just read now that some of you are saying this place might disappear? Uh oh. Maybe I am meant to stay silenced. Nonetheless, until things get sorted out any recommends on where/how to blog elsewhere?

I joined Facebook during the holidays too. See, I told you. I'm *trying*. My first name is Jude. Well some of you knew that. My last name is...well, let me know if you want to add me. I already keep in touch with a few of you on there. Late.

State of Incognito

spellbinding — Mon, 02 Jul 2007 10:17:07 GMT

I am a schmuck, I know it. Thank you to every one of you who emailed or nudged me over the past month. In brief, there has been an amount of emotional upheaval tossed into my lap that made me a bit despondent at times and rather than being able to put words to these things I pulled away - 'cause I fear if my too self-aggrandizing bits come out in the open they will return and bite me in the ass at some later date in time.

I am alive, really I am. And yes, I am still actively incubating (thank all goodness that exists) and my mind/body is fighting to do what it can to stay that way (though it did end up having emergency surgery weeks ago). I feel as though I am a young geriatric with all this invasive treatment, but hell it is without a doubt worth it to me. A truer friend's post tomorrow I promise, with pics even. I will attempt to answer some questions as well, as to what has been going on.

And to answer the large, looming question at hand I have a GIRL growing in thee belly. I am totally stoked. Thanks to those who have been thinking of me, I am trying hard to crawl out of my cave and return the favor.

Any Guesses?

spellbinding — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 11:40:31 GMT

In 6 hours, we will be learning whether K will have a little brother or sister (willing the new little to cooperate and open ze legs). And perhaps this little tidbit explains why I have yet to properly fall asleep. Okay there is more, but truly I just cannot manage to sort my thoughts at this hour.

Nasty Goth Pappy (NSFW)

spellbinding — Tue, 15 May 2007 17:30:55 GMT

Thanks Lesa, for showing me this mess. My favorite criticism by far is this: "...when he stops feeding her cocaine she's gonna realize she's fucking an old nerd that looks like an old Jewish woman." What a hack. He left Dita for this? All right, I have been quiet and I bring this shit to your f'list? I'll behave now. Baaaa (that's for you Trystan).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bx8JwOaiAQ4

Design Help!

spellbinding — Wed, 21 Feb 2007 22:43:11 GMT

I am bad about posting photos of my home so this was a pic from two years ago (hence our now defunct url in the corner) of a bit of the dining room. Nothing has really changed except we now have large shutters on all windows rather than the ghetto paper shades.

The photo is a bit dark as it was taken at night but the paint is a voluptuous red. The room is a cathedral ceiling and there are four columns going into the room which aren't pictured here and an enormous gothic chandelier (about 5 feet I'm guessing?) that was a great DIY project of ours. We also put up large crown molding but that doesn't really matter, it's a tall room. The table seats 10 and is very wide and there is an old baby grand tucked away in the corner. The only remaining thing is a curio of mementos from our wedding tucked in one corner.

P and I are always slowly working on our home. If you've known me for any amount of time, you will be familiar with some of the major projects we have undertaken over the last few years. I like not only things to be slightly eccentric but we're also big into doing things ourselves. Lately I have gotten the bug to find a dining hutch to help complete the room - it's vacuous even with the few items mentioned above. The walls are bare with exception to a large mirror by the piano and it is high time that we add something to the room.

Although the table was expensive I decided to pair it up with chairs from Cost Plus. What can I say, I like mixing things up and dislike sets. Plus, I cannot swallow buying high end chairs that only get used a handful of times throughout the year or by friends who have had too much wine. On to the debate I am having. I want to add a hutch in there, but I want to revive someone's old pieces instead of buying new. I admit it, I want one last DIY project before I get too pregnant and can't participate.

I'm looking at two pieces I have recently located locally. I would most likely be redoing them to match the dining table which is a deep black. I'd love to do another color, but I think it would be really hard to pull off with the red walls and style of the room.

Which style do you suggest taking on for my dining room? Why? Any other suggestions? Although it is a formal room, it is cool, not stuffy. I kind of prefer the open shelving one because it would showcase things better, but is it too country even with a P&J makeover?

Valentine's Recap

spellbinding — Wed, 21 Feb 2007 10:48:05 GMT

I swear I am trying to post more! It seems every day is so packed and busy. I made a surprise DIY Valentine dinner for P. I was a goober because I was not feeling good and did not prepare until nearly the last minute. Therefore plans for appetizers and salad went out the door. My heart-shaped, homemade theme consisted of: chicken pot pie, chocolate cake, valentine and a bottle of cabernet sauvignon.

Prior to our first bites, Keegs and I gave P our homemade valentine containing multiple pages of a poorly written rhyme...I'd share all of it but it sucks, I admit it. Yes, you can see I put no effort into my appearance, need I mention I was feeling icky again?

Okay, I lied. I will share the very last page because there was a special note there. Secret's out! Now you all know why I wasn't feeling good :). After lying to P about my gettting AF it was a relief to finally let it out! The guy was actually keeping track via the calendar and was continually hopeful.

We put the little guy in bed, turned off the lights, and ate our feast while watching Como Agua Para Chocolate.
(because it went with my theme - Tita "made her chilies with love"). To my surprise, P actually liked it! I still love Chencha after all these years.

And no, I did not drink my wine that evening. Because of my former issues of prematurely rupturing, I'll be going in for my first appointment at 6 weeks, which is next Thursday.

Prehistoric Hug

spellbinding — Fri, 09 Feb 2007 19:16:37 GMT

I have been dying to post but time to do so has been sparse! I am making a point of doing so right now simply because I have a few moments. This will be a generic post but wow, had to do it because I know a few of you will love it. I am heading out of town in a bit and won't have access until I return over the weekend - I promise something more personal will be written then. Anyways, on with the neat news bit!

Archaeologists in Italy have unearthed two skeletons thought to be 5,000 to 6,000 years old, locked in an embrace (BBC News 02/08/07).

The pair from the Neolithic period were discovered outside Mantua, about 40km (25 miles) south of Verona. The pair, almost certainly a man and a woman, are thought to have died young as their teeth were mostly intact, said chief archaeologist Elena Menotti. The burial site was discovered on Monday during construction work for a factory building.

"It's an extraordinary case," said Ms Menotti. "There has not been a double burial found in the Neolithic period, much less two people hugging - and they really are hugging," she told Reuters news agency. Flint tools, including arrowheads and a knife, were also found alongside the couple. Scientists will now study the skeletons and artefacts to work out how and when the two people died, Ms Menotti said.

"I must say that when we discovered it, we all became very excited," she said. "I've been doing this job for 25 years. I've done digs at Pompeii, all the famous sites, but I've never been so moved because this is the discovery of something special," she said.

Little Monsters

spellbinding — Tue, 30 Jan 2007 08:51:46 GMT

Monster Park
Originally uploaded by Spellbinding.

So I admit it, I have been hiding out - rump in the air and head in the sand. Apparently seeing the new year in put me in a bit of a slump. Most people are grateful for the holidays to be over and there was me, standing naked in front of the the mirror before and after my daily showering rituals, staring at my not-so-flat-belly realizing there was no longer a little person inside. Yeah, so much for being over it. It is weird how it affects me. I function absolutely fine but when I have a small, quiet moment to myself I sigh and feel my lashes fall into darkness.

In other words, depression.

My salvation lies in a set of steel blue eyes that greet me each day. I find myself grabbing a precocious little boy and maniacally doling out random kisses and monster snarfs until his squeals reach an adequate level of pandemonium, stop, take a big inhale, and start all over again. Zoloft ain't got nothing on this. Yep. I'm back :).

Celebrate

spellbinding — Sun, 31 Dec 2006 22:17:44 GMT

The new year I look forward to with great anticipation. It has been in so many respects, one of trials and revelry, and this upcoming one I feel will continue to greet me with huge lessons. Yet I embrace the idea. For the bulk of my life I lived in fear for one reason or another, so it is with much pleasure that I can at last sit back now as a grown woman and take it all in and manage.

And really, that is all that I have ever wished for.

My love to you my friends, as the year states its goodbye. May it be a true celebration.

Card Exchange? (private comments)

spellbinding — Sat, 09 Dec 2006 19:41:17 GMT

Sorry I've been missing, just needed to take some time away from online. P and I are headed off in a bit to enjoy a one-on-one weekend to celebrate a late anniversary. Cannot wait!

We're sending out holiday cards this week, if you want one and would like to send one back please drop me a line with your name and address and I will reply with ours. (This post will have all comments screened to keep your privacy intact.) Chat with you all soon!

Post Partum, Go!

spellbinding — Fri, 13 Oct 2006 04:11:52 GMT

We met christiangirl32, her hubby and their brand-new puppy yesterday while they were visiting California. What a sweet couple! I'm afraid I was a bit too goofy due to exhaustion and nervousness but I am glad we were able to pull off a little time together before they left. I've known her online for several years now so it was neat to finally meet in person. I hope you and M like the spooky gift I gave you guys! Didn't know if you wanted me to post the few pics we took so I'll email them to you instead.

P convinced me today to slip on my running shoes to begin a habitual routine of trying to get back into shape. I know the man has not stated it yet, but I am sure he has ideas on me running with him *groan*. I really don't know if I can pull that eventual feat off, as I despise it. It hurts to admit it but not only do I now have added baby weight on me, but double that due to the back to back pregnancies I had. My folks gifted us each with a great pair of new shoes to help start us out. I passed my post-partum visit with flying colors two weeks ago and officially feel "healed" so I would really like to lose some of this weight before we try again. I decided to leave this post public as it has become evident to me that I have yet to openly talk to anyone about what happened, and that I am really scared of where my appointment with the perinatologist will lead (scheduled for the 23rd *gulp*). So hopefully this will give me some impetus and over the next few days I will be able to finally release all this.

Here are the highlights of our trek back home this afternoon. Well, of just K and Guinness that is. I was too hot and out of shape to think about getting the whole family in a shot at the time.

How can he already look so much like a little boy when just compared to these just days ago?

Happy Anniversary, Sweetheart

spellbinding — Tue, 26 Sep 2006 19:10:44 GMT

Yesterday marked 12 years for us, as we married in 2004 on our 10 year anniversary. What a remarkable memory. Sadly enough, we have yet to go through our wedding photos...(add honeymoon to that as well) so here are the scant few I had scanned myself. We received our negatives recently. I think it is a sign that we need to get an album and prints made.

Originally we had planned a get away over the weekend, but with what had happened recently, we realized we were not ready to do this. Particularly, since I am still on the recovery path for another 4 weeks it made sense to not waste a gorgeous hotel room (wink wink). Instead, we are moving it out by a few weeks, and that day I am very much looking forward to. Our small celebration here at home included brand new satin sheets, candlelight and take-out.

Not a day goes by where I do not love this man even more. 4,380 days. Okay 4,381 since I am half a day late.

spellbinding — Mon, 25 Sep 2006 17:25:22 GMT

The weekend was a mix of emotion, but now I am sitting within golden layers of satin and am quite content. Today is indeed a very special day.

The small writing desk I bought last week arrived today. I had been eyeing it for a year now and decided to take advantage of a small sale to bring it inside my door. I have not yet finished removing it from its packing material, but have already noticed a substantial chip in the wood. As I had planned already to redo the piece myself (I don't like the finish the maker chose), I just may overlook this and keep it, rather than return it.

We celebrated Mabon by attending my friend's wedding. In a few hours they will be setting off on a five week journey throughout the exotic Sri Lanka and Maldives. She was absolutely gorgeous and I loved the intimate gathering against the ocean waves, fog and autumnal splendor. I am convinced more than ever that I prefer the small celebrations against the large. Some photos tomorrow, I must pay homage to another passion later today.

spellbinding — Wed, 16 Aug 2006 21:20:04 GMT

I have been getting some pressure to start writing again. Sorry I have been so scarce! Figuring as some of you mommas are over at the other place, I just signed up. You can find me at "Spellbound." We bought a new camera the other day and I am looking forward to taking it out of the box and playing with it. Our old one decidedly called it quits. And after two weeks of no photos, I have a growing little boy in dire need of attendance! My incubator is working away and we caught a glimpse of Keegan's little brother or sister a few weeks ago. Everything was where it should be to our delight, and the big appointment to see which it is, is all set for October.

As of 12:17pm today, my record of keeping things down, despite no matter the amount of nausea has been broken. After one pregnancy and this one 12 weeks in, I was finally humbled quite unexpectedly on a somewhat empty stomach. Perhaps I'll take it as an homage to saying goodbye to the completion of the first trimester.

(P.S. Amy, I'm thinking of you and little Ava's arrival!)

When Moms Pee

spellbinding — Wed, 17 May 2006 18:45:38 GMT

We are doing incredibly well, though I just can't seem to get a handle on how to make the most of my time when K is sleeping. When those eyes flutter closed and appendages begin to curl up, my body sinks into a sigh of relief. I would love to pull out some of my projects to work on but somehow I never manage to before it's time to feed again. Advice, parental units out there?

Similarly, lots has been going on but I simply do not know how to find the time to journal. However, in the time that it takes me to run out of the room, hike up my skirt, pull down my chonies and squat, I find my 9 pound furball has taken over the loving while I was gone.

Oh, and I did the unthinkable last night - I took my clothes off.
I then looked at myself in the mirror. And turned.

Wild woman, that I am.

Rugs

spellbinding — Wed, 26 Apr 2006 21:30:01 GMT

It's time to begin working on the Keegan's room again now that we're home. Aside from the little details on my list, I really would like to focus on two purchases at the moment: a dresser and a rug. The one on the left is a color blocked Flokati (the one in green) but I'm not sure if this would be good cleaning-wise for a little one. Anyone with Flokati experience? I'm not a huge fan but I'm looking for something fun. Along similar lines of color, is the blue and green bubble rug. Kind of cute, a bit wary of the white background, but am I willing to hold on to polka dots in a few years when I imagine lots of dinosaurs roaming throughout the house? I can incorporate and design around nearly anything but just not sure. Cute though! Suggestions on these or others, anyone? Something soft, lively and hopefully transitional for years down the road.

Guess Who's Home?

spellbinding — Fri, 21 Apr 2006 18:05:30 GMT

It seems like forever since this whole experience started at the beginning of March but I am happy to report that Baby K came home last week. It is hard to imagine as I ooh and aah over him that his actual anticipated birth date still has not arrived. Unbelievable. Such a dog and pony show and just not enough words. I am ready to come out of hiding though. The shower that was held at our home killed me and I assume only those that really understand me, get it. (ladycelia, you simply have no idea what it meant to me to see you and K a few weeks ago. I can't wait to open up Keegan's Vile Verses and read them aloud! Please know how precious your just being here was.) These 7 weeks were a roller coaster ride I hope to never have a ticket to again. I admit with a great amount of frustration the necessary isolation I needed to medicate myself with. I pulled away from everyone but a select few, and even then kept that contact quite limited. Last night was the first time I actually reconnected with a handful of girlfriends and I surprised myself with getting things off my chest. I have a knack for keeping a safe distance from my emotions and when B grabbed a hold of me and softly said to my face, "I am proud of you" I so lost it.

When I walked in the door last night to hug my husband and baby from my very first alone time since this started, I actually grinned. And from here it only begins to be better. Keeg's came home weighing an awesome 7lbs 3oz but still too gangly for his coming home outfit. I am DYING to put this on him after he fills out a bit more for a comparison.

And of yesterday, he successfully hit 8lbs - we are quickly moving towards doubling his birth weight! Here he is enjoying his second bath at home. My inherited babushka cheeks have obviously found their way to the next generation. I adore this picture more than you can know, he looks like a full-term newborn rather than a premie. Although the sweet pudgy is more positional than actual, we'll take it! Okay, going down for a quick nap before it is time to feed again.

Serenity Now

spellbinding — Wed, 22 Mar 2006 01:44:36 GMT

We manage a few hours of sleep if we're lucky. I am broken on this schedule. There is no babe crying in the middle of the night to help kick in lactation. Instead there is a squelching alarm clock wailing to attach hard suction cups to my chest every two hours, with an unwelcome meager outcome. No sweet baby smell to inhale, no soft skin to caress. When we are not at home we stare at him through 80K acrylic and do our best to keep the holding him in our arms minimal so that he can go back under phototherapy. Our lids grow heavier as the hours tick by and our newest friends are the other parents in the unit managing the same routine.

Although Keegan is doing better and better each day, we are waning in spirit. P and I started out strong, resolute and determined but as days go by since I've been discharged, each day becomes a new further struggle while Keegs remains in ICN. Outside the walls of the hospital people have been finding it necessary to repeat sentiments of "Oh how nice you two get a break before he comes home! You're lucky you can get plenty of rest. So much time to get everything done and ready and no one kicking and crying in the middle of the night!" So much so I finally broke down and cried in a Denny's booth late last night - the only place left open at midnight we could find, glaring at the nasty combination of overcooked, processed and frightening mozarella sticks and "they can get away with calling this chicken strips?" I do love our friends, don't get me wrong, but I swear if one more person has the gall to say these ghastly things to us again I just might deck them.

We live at the hospital each day, only I no longer am adorned with the flapping in the rear gown special. Our pattern involves no sleep, a quick shower and dress and commuting to the hospital. We attempt some random nutrition with quick bites shoved in our mouth while running back and forth to the unit. We juggle a bevy of phonecalls and visits with others all throughout and finally drive back home very late at night with our eyes hardly slit open just to set the alarm to wake every few hours so that we can pump my beastly breasts. Our dog and cat miss us desperately and could care less about the tiny swatches of baby blanket we bring home.

No way in hell is this easier than having a baby who could have come home with us. We do all the work, get no rest and are under continuous stress without the reward of having him. All this is building up and I simply tear. This is not a case of baby blues, it is me holding a riot act against those who keep opening their fucking mouths telling me how *easy* I must have it that he isn't yet home. P, the ever stalwart mate, is also about to go on a bender.

And just think, this weekend there is the previously planned baby shower being held for us in our home, which is a complete disaster from our obvious lack of attention. But somehow when I see this set of 10 toes, even if just in my mind alone, I receive a sliver of serenity.

***We did manage to pull away a bit this weekend to attend a wedding, of which I will manage a most perky commentary I promise. At said event I managed to down a total of 5 mango martinis. And damn, did I relish them.

Pisces: March 9th, Our Little Fish Who Could

spellbinding — Tue, 14 Mar 2006 13:46:44 GMT

Our lives forever changed on Friday, March 3rd at 1:10AM when I frantically awoke P to inform him that my water broke. In a stupor of "this can't be happening, it's much too soon," he followed me back to the bathroom where panic set in as further proof was shed onto the floor. By 1:20AM we scurried out the door with strict phone orders by the OB to meet her at the hospital.

2:15AM I was admitted as a patient and told I would not be leaving until delivery, which would be actively prevented for as long as possible, with a target of 4 weeks. This was serious biding time and many crossed fingers to help mature still undeveloped lungs. Not only was it confirmed that my amniotic sac had broken but I was indeed in pre-term labor - TWO MONTHS EARLY. My heart fluttered in terror as I clutched P's hand while lying flat on my back. The remainder of that night was the beginning of a week of pure horror as a menu of tests and drugs were administered to me to prevent what my body was naturally contracting to accomplish.

Saturday, March 4th at 12Noon it was confirmed on ultrasound that my AFI (amniotic fluid index) was at 0...not a single ounce of protective fluid surrounded the baby. The days to come were excruciating. Filled not only by much intense physical pain, the emotional roller coaster of not knowing whether baby K would make it caused further agony. The best science experiment of our lives was now precariously dangling before our faces. Tears roll down my face just thinking upon the events of the last week and a half. These very same days that seem much more like an eternity ago.

We are on a new clock however, where each oncoming night marks a new day for our son. Baby Keegan was born on Thursday, March 9th at 7:44PM weighing 4lbs 15oz and measuring 18" long. The little fish knew he had to come out and soon - not only had he miraculously fashioned a double knot in his umbilical cord halfway up to the placenta but he came out with the cord wrapped around his neck twice. It is doubtful that he would have made it had he been content and gone full-term to 40 weeks.

The three of us were meant to be together with a sure destiny to escape his future threatening cord predicament. As long as he already was, combined with my own size that was a sure thing. And I cannot even begin to tell you how much we already love this kid. Under watchful eye in the neonate unit for at least a month our preemie has already felt the intense love of our tight circle of family and friends. The next few weeks will continue to be exhausting with more endless hours spent in the hospital but it is so well worth it.

We love you Keegs. Keep our little family in your thoughts.
(birthing story to come when things begin to settle down)

The Door in the Floor

spellbinding — Tue, 28 Feb 2006 00:46:58 GMT

I have several thick books that I've bought to occupy me during the nights of the "baby doth kick too much insomnia." A new one has since caught my interest. I recently waded through an inspiring movie at 3am taken from a section of an Irving novel. The movie is hardly something I'd highly recommend but somehow it touched me as I laid alone beneath my latte chenille wishing for sleep to overtake me.

So much so that I recorded a piece of it to replay to P the following day, and rushed back and forth to the other room so as to transcribe a fantastic reading by one of the main characters Ted Cole (played by Jeff Bridges), a children's author/illustrator of some dreariness. I only wish that I could play the film sequence to you as Mr. Bridges' storytelling is phenomenally expert as he reads in front of an audience enveloped in the dark:

"There was a little boy who didn't know he wanted to be born
His mommy didn't know if she wanted him to be born either
They lived in a cabin in the woods on an island and a lake
And there was no one else around
And in the cabin, there was a door in the floor."

"The little boy was afraid of what was under the door in the floor
And the mommy was afraid too
Once, long ago, other children had come to visit the cabin for Christmas
But the children had opened the door in the floor
And then disappeared down the hole.

The mommy had tried to look for the children
But when she opened the door in the floor
She heard such an awful sound
That her hair turned completely white
Like the hair of a ghost.

And the mommy had also seen some things
Things so horrible, you can't imagine them
And so the mommy wondered if she wanted to have a little boy
Especially because of everything that might be under the door in the floor
And then she thought, "Why not, I'll just tell him not to open the door in the floor."

Yet the little boy still didn't know if he wanted to be born into a world
Where there was a door in the floor

But there were some beautiful things in the woods
On the island and in the lake
"Why not take a chance," he thought
And so, the little boy was born
He was happy
And his mommy was happy again too

Although she told the little boy
At least once, every day
"Don't ever, not ever, never never never open the door in the floor."

But of course he was only a little boy
If you were that little boy
Wouldn't you want to open that door in the floor?"

The film is languorous, but this little bit I forever cherish. The slideshow that accompanies the storytelling grasped me and I sat upright near dawn with a gasp on my face, truly feeling captured by another human in the world. And that, that is the true art.

The book is closed and Mr. Bridges stands up. "The publisher thinks uh, the drawings are too rudimentary, and too few of them. But I'm just an entertainer of children (waggles fingers) and I like to draw." And to think, this is a fictional book within a book, piece mealed into an unknown movie, capturing me so that my rewind/fast forward remote button is nearly worn out from the transcribing.

And Here It Begins

spellbinding — Tue, 14 Feb 2006 14:26:17 GMT

A handful of friends who are also knocked up have been drilling detail after detail into me. I mutter into P's ear that I pray I am not so over-the-top with being pregnant myself. We started child birthing classes a few weeks ago and there too, I find prego nazi couples who find it necessary to question and probe every limit of their hospital staff with specific demands making me feel the alone sane woman.

On the other hand, I too suffer my own new child-bearing neuroses. And this one is perhaps more sinful than those folks above I point fingers to - shopping for the babe. I find myself perusing places I'd never bothered with before, looking for the perfect this or that for Master Keegs. I admit shame. I want my little guy to personify everything I enjoy in his material things. In starting to assess what we will need for the baby registry P has tsked tsked several times for my desiring gear that is more fitting in looks rather than efficiency (i.e. cool stroller with the front wheel that doesn't turn, stylin' car seat covers). Guilty as charged. Just think this could grow into a life-time problem as this kid grows older! And this coming from me, who kidded all her girlfriends over the years that the day I was ready to be pregnant, my kid would only get a box and a piece of string.

One thing for sure...Keegs-must-have-these-shoes-with-skulls-on-them.
I rest my case. (Ahem, if anyone spies cool boy things don't hesitate to share! Particularly if they bear further crossbones and such.) In other baby news, we started working on the nursery this weekend! Looking forward to seeing what the outcome will be.

No Place Like Heaven

spellbinding — Mon, 06 Feb 2006 22:59:59 GMT

There are reasons P and I shell out monthly cash for premium cable. Add on to that our DVR bill to avoid commercials and watch what we want, when we want. Aside from trashy reality TV series which I have a guilty taking to, this means I peruse indie flicks and compelling titles. So imagine my disappointment when I take some interest in a new series The Book of Daniel put out by drab NBC. I wasn't expecting a whole lot (after all, it's network TV), but with hottie Aidan Quinn starring as the Vicodin addicted priest I figured why not? A mere two shows in and the righteous AFA manages to force a Christian pulling of the plug.

Apparently society doesn't want openly gay atheist writers to touch their general broadcast. Sad, even if the writing was to prove stale and nowhere near HBO quality. Jesus plays only what they want you to hear.

Frogs, Snails and Puppy Dog Tails

spellbinding — Tue, 31 Jan 2006 23:43:46 GMT

Officially in the home stretch now of my last trimester, I am hoping to slowly return to some former activities I had ticked off my list such as journaling. I glance at the calendar and a wave of "gotta do this, gotta do that" begins to overwhelm me. A little boy is on it's way in just 3 months now with April 28th as his estimated delivery. Things have been exceedingly well thus far and the babe is actively finding his way around, poking, prodding and doing little jigs according to his fancy in my belly.

Surpisingly, we decidedly agreed on his name last month coming home from the big ultrasound reveal. Hence, our little monster is already known as Keegan (fittingly Gaelic, meaning "fiery" and "thinker") to family and friends. My first purchase for Keegs is a perfectly green stuffed monkey with an ornery tail that I have aptly named Dublin (our first stop on our honeymoon). Saturday, I curiously lifted my shirt and sure enough the little chap tipped his hat and waved hello back at me!

Squeak! Said the Mouse

spellbinding — Wed, 19 Oct 2005 23:48:41 GMT

Ah! I won't even mention the amount of time I spent here just now catching up with everyone. So much going on and so much to say, and I hope I didn't leave anyone out as I backtracked to the beginning of the week. I'm heading out with a quick freshen-up for my studio session but hope to be home well before midnight now that I can finally feel content to write an update in my own journal, rather than all yours. Perhaps I'll even give a bit of a peek of what I'm working on.

Thank you for the pleasure. You obviously have all been hard at work and play! Now off to join the rat pack.

Talking Stomachs

spellbinding — Thu, 13 Oct 2005 07:55:01 GMT

There is nothing better than coming home from a late night at the studio, meandering through city streets and seating oneself at a favorite diner with a local weekly rag parked partially beneath your plate. I'm home much later than I ought to be, my belly still full of ice cold Coke, (one of those nights where I seriously deserved that caffeine!) yet I will yank the windows wide open and light candles as I settle in to read a historical fiction of Vlad the Impaler.

You might even spy me if you look real hard, screeching at the top of my lungs (à la David Byrne) with the dog and cat, "And you may tell yourself, this is not my beautiful house! And you may tell yourself, this is not my beautiful wife! Letting the days go by (let the water hold me down). Letting the days go by (water flowing underground). Into the blue again (after the money's gone). Once in a lifetime (water flowing underground)."

Could this be? My days returning to some semblance of prior normalcy? "Same as it ever was...same as it ever was." Wahoo! Should I allow myself a cartwheel or two, or just seat myself in the candlelight. I'll be wise and choose the latter. After all, the last time I attempted to flip this body I not so incidentally nearly bit off my tongue.

I'm throwing in the first sighting of our little monster to boot (9 weeks on 09/28/05). The little one was actively swimming away when we spied on him/her and though still quite tiny, was obviously quite active as they dog paddled away. P flew home for a surprise 24 hour visit to accompany me to the appointment and carries a copy of the image in his backpack with him everyday while he's gone. It brings his time away from home right now that element of bearable.