I am nerd. Hear me ♥.

Aaaand importing my fic to Ao3.

2015-08-08T15:28:00Z

Holy crap, this is my second post this month. I might be sick or something.

Today I finally responded to the Ao3 invite I got, uh... in 2012, set up an account, and have decided to start importing what fic I've got on here to there. This industriousness will ~~probably~~ not last.

My new Ao3 account is here: sparklepocalypse@Ao3

Book Meme

2014-08-04T01:51:35Z

While I'm working on ~~reading~~ editing and posting old fic, why not? Yoinked from piscaria.

Pick up the book nearest you and turn to page 45. The first sentence explains your love life.

Les questions 3 et 4 se rapportent à la conversation suivante.

[from ETS Study Guide: Praxis French and German Tests]

Well. At least it's in French... which I don't speak. So! Extrapolate what you will from this.

FIC ARCHIVE: WORK-IN-PROGRESS STICKY POST

2014-07-23T12:39:07Z

Hi there! I'm Magz. If you're old enough to have witnessed Spuffy Archives while it was still a thing, you might remember me from some all-human "fantasy" Spike/Buffy stories -- my first real forays into fanfiction. If you came along to the wild world of fanfiction later, you might know me from things like J² RPS and Glee Kurt/Karofsky stories.

At any rate, I've decided to make all of my fanfiction available for the reading again. [Yes, all of it. Yes, even the infamous "Hard Time."] I figured hey, I get kinda bummed when I go back to read stories and they've disappeared from the internet, and I hate to bum people out, myself. So whatever I've been able to find I'm slowly posting here, with guesstimates about their original post dates. You can find everything I've been able to put up so far in my freakishly organized LJ Tags List.

To that end, if you have any of the following of my early BtVS fics, please message me! They've disappeared from my hard drive [and apparently the internet], which makes it hard to post them here. The list of stories I'm missing, with titles and summaries miraculously saved by the Wayback Machine, are:

THE DOWNWARD SPIRAL - Spike/Buffy all-human AU. Since they first met when one of them was dangling upside down from a jungle gym, Buffy and Spike have always been fiercely protective of one another. They've grown up together and helped each other through nearly every experience, whether it be one of love, loss, happiness, or despair. But when one of them goes over the deep end, not even the love of a best friend will keep them from tumbling further and further into darkness.

I HATE YOU, BE MINE - Spike/Buffy all-human AU. When Cornelius William Giles gets kicked out of his English school for fighting, his father, Rupert, moves him and his fraternal twin brother, Liam Angelus, across the pond to a one-Starbucks town in southern California. The twins react very differently to their new environment, as well as to our heroine, Buffy Summers. But after a tragic accident, the relationships between the Giles boys and Buffy begin to unravel and re-form as something quite different, and unexpected. FOUND! Sorta. There were 7 chapters available in the Spuffy Archives Wayback Machine archive. Not actually sure if I wrote more than that, to be honest...

IMAGERY - Spike takes a shower. No specified 'ship. For Lissa, who demanded more Naked!Spike now.

[INSERT TITLE HERE] - Spike/Buffy Season 6 AU. In order to stop a new breed of soul-sucking demon, Spike and Buffy must get married. Weird, huh? Well, it seems that the demons are very attracted to the emotions that flood a bride and groom during and immediately after the ceremony. Tons of Spuffy goodness ensues. FOUND! Thanks to ladypeyton, who had a PDF of it.

JUST LIKE RIDING A BIKER - Faith/Biker, Season 3. Oh, like none of you wanted to pick up that quote and run with it. Yeah, right. Here's my version of what happened when Faithie-dear schtubbed the biker. It's a pre-Faith, Hope, and Trick piece, so beware the underage sex aspect.

LOVE FROM AFAR - Spike/Buffy Season 7 AU. This is how, in a perfectly perfect world, season 7 would've gone. It's rather AU from the end of Seeing Red on, because Spike seems to have a pulse. Also, remember how Faith is in jail? Not anymore... FOUND! Thanks to ladypeyton!

MISSING YOU - Spike/Buffy Season 6 AU. Spike-turns-human story. First imagine that Spike left at the end of Becoming II, with no intention of ever returning to Sunnydale. Then imagine that he didn't… until an unexpected twist of fate drew him back to the Hellmouth during the middle of Season 6.

OH, BABY! - Sequel to "Pretty Buffy". Yeah, I know a lot of people are sick-to-death of baby stories, but back when I was writing at FanFiction.Net, all my reviewers wanted a sequel for some reason. But anyway. This is basically little snippets from each month of Buffy's pregnancy. FOUND! Thanks to ladypeyton!

SHE - Spike/Buffy Season 6. Spike POV. Buffy and Spike's relationship has become more and more abusive, and one of them has to end it. The other ends up broken, drawn as if by an invisible magnet back to their other half. FOUND! Thanks to ladypeyton!

SPIKE ON TOP - Spike/Various Season 7. A Spuffy Awards challenge response. Spike's got four hours to save the world. The catch - and yeah, I know, there's always a catch - is that to avert the rapidly approaching apocalypse, he has to sleep with five people. Two Slayers, a master vampire, a 'ho biscuit', and a guestage grudgingly volunteer. Graphic slash warning, so if that's not your bag, skip those chapters. This is season 7, post Dirty Girls, with the premise that Xander never lost his eye because his eyes are pretty.

TO FIND YOU - Spike/Buffy All-Human AU. Between the ages of six and sixteen, the orphaned William Foster was severely physically abused by his older brother, Angel. After a beating in which he was nearly killed, William took refuge in a foster home. He was adopted and he and his new family moved to England to escape the dark threat of more abuse. Now, ten years later, William has returned to his childhood home. Stronger, wiser, and using the nickname "Spike", he's got only one goal in mind - to save the girl he left behind.

THE WARMTH - Spike/Buffy AU. Remember that whole scene at the end of the Season 3 episode Lovers' Walk? Pretend that never happened, and Spike's been hanging out in Sunnydale ever since. During a routine patrol and threatening-Willie session, Buffy discovers Spike sitting in the Alibi Room. They're both emotionally vulnerable, and once again wonder why it's impossible for them to kill one another...

Glee Fic: Serendipity -- Hold the Cliché (1/?) -- K/D

2012-07-01T23:56:51Z

Remember when I used to be so good at posting things in my LJ account? Yeah, me too. :|

Title: Serendipity -- Hold the Cliché
Authors: tessisamess and sparklpocalypse
Pairing: Kurt/Dave
Rating: NC-17 overall
Word Count: ~3,500 of an estimated 80,000
Spoilers: Canon up to Glee 3x14, "On My Way"
Warnings/Triggers: [highlight to read] Character death (not Kurt or Dave), homophobia, and a serious lack of spontaneous singing.
Summary: Sometimes you find love in someone new; sometimes you find it hiding in plain sight. Kurt and Dave have been friends since their senior year of high school, but when they unexpectedly run into each other at a Halloween party everything changes.

The first part can be found here. Posting will occur weekly until completion.

Obligatory post!

2012-04-16T13:06:38Z

Damn, I sucked at LJ again. I'm working on it though! I swear. :|

I've been contemplating making DVD caps of the TV shows I have, but I'm not sure how much of a need there is for most of it.

Angel: The Complete Series
Angels in America
Anne of Green Gables: The Complete Series
Band of Brothers
Big Bang Theory, The: Seasons 1 and 2
Blue Planet
Buffy the Vampire Slayer: The Complete Series
Chuck: Season 1
Dollhouse: Season 1
Emma: 2009 BBC Miniseries
Firefly
Friday Night Lights: Seasons 1-3
Generation Kill
Heroes: Seasons 1-3
House: Season 1-5
Into the West
Invader Zim: The Complete Series
Lost in Austen
Merlin: Seasons 1 and 2 (Region 2)
Nature's Most Amazing Events
Over There
Planet Earth
Primeval: Seasons 1 and 2
Pushing Daisies: Season 1
Six Feet Under: The Complete Series
Supernatural: Seasons 1-4
Tin Man
True Blood: Seasons 1 and 2
Veronica Mars: The Complete Series

I'll have to do some investigatin' to see what is needed by internet folks and what would be superfluous.

World in reverse.

2012-03-25T23:35:19Z

Hello, Mr. Jones. Welcome to Mercy Hospital. How may I help you? You say your wife is in the ICU? Beaten half to death by straight-bashers? Terribly sorry, Mr. Jones. Some people make the rest of us look bad.

Now if you'd have a seat, Mr. Jones, I'll see if I can update you on your wife's condition. What? No, I'm sorry, Mr. Jones. We don't recognize the legality of your heterosexual marriage at this institution. You're not allowed back in the ICU.

I suggest you sit down, Mr. Jones, before I call security. Yes, I am looking at you disdainfully, Mr. Jones. I never understood the appeal of wanting to sleep with the opposite sex. No, there's nothing that you can do about this, legally.

Mr. Jones, we have word about your wife. She passed away this morning. Now, about her will. If you'd just step through here, we can talk about what happens when someone has no biological relatives...

In Search of the MANdenhead: The Myth of the Ass Hymen

2012-03-21T22:53:05Z

This was originally posted in my previous LiveJournal in 2005. I've re-posted it here (using the original date stamp) because it's one of my favorite entries I ever wrote.

It's something that you see again and again, particularly from writers who have ladyparts and don't really talk to gay men or read up on things at Minotaur's site. It's guaranteed to make you go, "OH DEAR GOD." And yet, it doesn't actually exist.

But recently, while I was reading bad pr0n, I realized that some slash writers might not know that there's no such thing as an ass hymen.

No such thing as an ass hymen. Is this breaking people's hearts? I hope not. I mean, it's not like I'm that horrible child on the school bus who told you that Santa Claus doesn't exist. No, I'm that horrible adult who's ruining your dreams about gay defloration.

So let's take a look at the male digestive system, since this is apparently where the fabled, um, mandenhead is located. Specifically, we'll be looking at the sigmoid colon, the rectum, and the anus.

The Anus

The anus is obviously the first thing encountered in anal sex. It's a strong, stretchy little group of muscles at the very end of the alimentary tract that holds things either in or out, and lets you take a bowel movement every once in awhile. Because of its usually contracted state, it's generally recommended that for maximum comfort, one stretches it carefully with fingers or sex toys, and probably some sort of lubricant (although some people like to go without either), before plunging ahead with the screwing -- especially when one is a first-time bottom.

When I read slash stories where there's a lot of bleeding and excessive pain involved with the first thrust, I cringe. A lot. Mostly, I cringe because this kind of bleeding/pain indicates damage to the anal sphincter, which if left untreated can lead to loss of bowel control. If you're not into scat, this is a horrible thought to have pass through your mind when reading smut for smut's sake.

But the anus is not an ass hymen. Eventually, after non-traumatic sexual contact, it'll contract and go back to its original state, whereas the fabled ass hymen would tear and disappear completely. If your anus disappeared completely, you'd either have a mess or a serious health problem to deal with.

The Rectum

The rectum is not an ass hymen either. It's nearly as stretchy as the anus, and there's a secondary sphincter inside it. This sphincter isn't as strong as the anus, and it won't keep you from embarrassing yourself the next time you have to crap if you've damaged your anus by some moron ripping your anal tissue when he fucked you. The rectum is as far up as most cocks will reach during anal sex.

The rectum is also home of the prostate (AKA 'fun button,' 'sweet spot,' 'male g-spot,' etc.), which, contrary to popular fen belief, does not reside so far up inside the ass that only those with the longest of cocks can reach it -- it's only about two inches in. That's right, even a guy with the most needly needle dick can, at the right angle, stimulate the prostate. However, neither the secondary sphincter nor the prostate are remotely close to being this mythical ass hymen, which all men have and must break in order to truly realize Their Inner Gay.

The Sigmoid Colon

So if the ass hymen isn't in either the anus or the rectum, it must be in the end of the sigmoid colon, where only those men who are Most Graciously Endowed can rip through the dude's mandenhead. Except, well, there's nothing there (but the things you might expect to be in a person's colon). If the ass hymen existed, it'd be torn asunder during one's first poop, as an infant. So why do people write first-time gay sex scenes like the following fabricated one?

Luke carefully pressed one, two, then three fingers inside Jacob, rocking his hips against Jacob's thigh as he stretched him.

"Do it," Jacob moaned, his hips pushing up against Luke's hand. "C'mon, now..." He bit his lip when Luke's fingers withdrew, and clutched the sheets as he felt the blunt, slick head of Luke's cock against his hole.

Luke thrust gently forward.

"AAAAAAAAIIIIIIEEEEEE OMG IT HURTS SO MUCH STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP PLEEEEAASE STOP STOP PLEASE PLEASE IT HURTS IT HURTS!" Jacob squealed, scrabbling against the bed and trying to get away.

Stilling his hips, Luke murmured, "Okay. Okay, I'll pull out."

"NONONONONONO I WANT IT," Jacob shouted.

*Make up your damn mind,* Luke thought, and thrust forward.

"OMG OMG OMG IT FEELS SO GOOOOOOOD," Jacob howled.

See what I'm getting at, here? Not only does the breeching of the mandenhead cause excruciating pain, but the pain is over within three seconds the guy's initial reaction. Maybe the ass hymen is magically absorbed by the body once the guy's first cock is thrust through it.

Conclusions

The only logical explanation for the myth of the ass hymen is this: Sometimes anal sex does hurt -- usually not a lot, however, your anus, rectum, and sometimes sigmoid colon aren't used to having things larger than poop pass through them. If a top's impressively well-endowed, it requires patience, know-how, and sometimes a generous amount of lubricant to make things work. But they do work, eventually.

So where'd the ass hymen come from? Well, sometimes a top isn't patient enough, and sometimes a bottom likes it a little rough, and... basically, a fic writer introduced the idea that buttsex can be a little painful at first, and the rest of fandom ran with it until there was this whole new body part created: the mythical ass hymen.

But the ass hymen hasn't made it onto scientific diagrams, and until medical examiners cut open a dead guy and say, "Whoa, what's this membrane here? I've never seen anything like it!" ... it never will.

Here's how to fix your wonky single entry subject line in Smooth Sailing!

2012-03-21T20:06:37Z

... if you have a paid/plus/permanent account, anyway. Folks with grandfathered-in free LJ accounts, feel free to skip this entry, which I've also posted to s2smoothsailing because well... that's sort of where this kind of thing goes.

So you've got your Smooth Sailing layout all beautified through the use of CSS and possibly some theme layer code poking, right? And then you click on an entry and realize that the subject line is just... not there. I can commiserate with you, there. I've figured out that futzing with the CSS of .bodyheaderblock will show a subject line -- but not the same one as shows in the recent/friends views on your journal.

After angsting for basically forever about how .bodyheaderblock just doesn't look the same, I scrolled through the Smooth Sailing base code and decided to experimentally copy/paste something in my theme layer. And it worked. So now I'm sharing said experimental copypasta with you fine people.

This is the original code for the subject line in Smooth Sailing layouts. Copy and paste it, in its entirety, into your theme layer:

function Entry::lay_print_subjectline(Color bg, Color fg, bool usecolour) {
       var Page p = get_page();
        if (($.itemid!=int($*layout_guestbook_entryid) or ($.delayed))) {
          """<div class='entryHeader'""";
          if ($usecolour and $*layout_friends_colours=="subject") { print " style='color:$fg;background:$bg;'"; }
          """><span class="entryHeaderDate">""";
          if ($p.view!="day") {
            # print "<a href=\""+$.journal->base_url()+"/calendar/$.time.year/"+zeropad($.time.month,2)+"/"+zeropad($.time.day,2)+"/\">"+$.time->date_format("%%dayord%%")+"</a>-";
            # print "<a href=\""+$.journal->base_url()+"/calendar/$.time.year/"+zeropad($.time.month,2)+"/\">"+$.time->date_format("%%mon%%")+"</a>-";
            # print "<a href=\""+$.journal->base_url()+"/calendar/$.time.year/\">"+$.time->date_format("%%yyyy%%")+"</a> ";
            # print $.time->time_format();
            print $.time->time_format($*text_format_entry_date_and_time);
          }else{
            # print $.time->time_format();
            print $.time->time_format($*text_format_entry_time);
          }
          """</span><span class="entryHeaderSubject">""";
          if ($p.view=="entry") {
            if ($.delayed) { " - $.delayed_icon"; }
            if ($.sticky) { " - $.sticky_icon"; }
            if (defined $.security_icon) { " - $.security_icon"; }
          }else{
            print (defined $.security_icon or $.sticky or $.delayed or $.subject!="" ? " - " : "");
            if ($.delayed) { "$.delayed_icon "; }
            if ($.sticky) { "$.sticky_icon "; }
            if (defined $.security_icon) { "$.security_icon "; }
            print $this->formatted_subject({"class"=>"subj-link"});
          }
          """</span>""";
          if ((size $.tags>0)and($*layout_position_entrytags=="subject")) {
              """<span class="entryHeaderTags"> [<a href="$.tags[0].url">$.tags[0].name</a>""";
              foreach var int i (1 .. (size $.tags - 1)) {
                  """, <a href="$.tags[$i].url">$.tags[$i].name</a>""";
              }
              """]</span>""";
          }
          """</div>""";
        }else{
          """<div class="entryHeader">""";
          if (defined $.security_icon or $.sticky or $.delayed) {
            if ($.delayed) { "$.delayed_icon "; }
            if ($.sticky) { " $.sticky_icon "; }
            if (defined $.security_icon) { " $.security_icon"; }
          } else {
            " ";
          }
          """</div>""";
        }
}

What we're concerned with, to make your entry subjects matchy-matchy on recent and single entry views, is the following chunk of code from this function:

          if ($p.view=="entry") {
            if ($.delayed) { " - $.delayed_icon"; }
            if ($.sticky) { " - $.sticky_icon"; }
            if (defined $.security_icon) { " - $.security_icon"; }
          }else{
            print (defined $.security_icon or $.sticky or $.delayed or $.subject!="" ? " - " : "");
            if ($.delayed) { "$.delayed_icon "; }
            if ($.sticky) { "$.sticky_icon "; }
            if (defined $.security_icon) { "$.security_icon "; }

See how the two sections don't match? Well, we can fix that. Hit enter after if ($p.view=="entry") { and add:

print (defined $.security_icon or $.sticky or $.delayed or $.subject!="" ? " - " : "");

Then compile your layer and bask in your new, matchy-matchy entry subjects.

I hope this wasn't confusing for anyone! It's been literally years since I've written a tutorial like this.

Well, I resolved to use LJ more.

2012-03-21T13:37:12Z

And apparently I have! I've now posted three more entries this year than I did in all of 2011. Which is kinda sad, because I've only posted seven entries, total.

Given my visual trip down memory lane in my last two entries, I think it might be kinda fun to see if I can make some ~~hellaciously ugly~~ vintage-looking, 2003-4esque graphics. Maybe I'll try that this weekend. I probably still have the same textures and gradients I used back then hoarded away on my external hard drive, somewhere -- hell, I've likely re-used them in more recent stuff, but, you know. More wisely.

Maybe if all goes ~~badly~~ well, I'll even turn it into a little challenge for graphics makers. That'll make me post more often, right?

Header Archive

2012-03-21T00:57:16Z

As if sharing all the available thumbnails of my old layouts wasn't enough, I totally have some graphics that used to belong to LJ layouts, but which I never bothered to make screencaps of. A few of them are nice. The rest of them are less so. But I decided to ~~inflict them upon~~ share them with the world, anyway...

Because I'm ~~sadistic~~ nice like that. Semi-NSFW for butts. Well, one butt, but it's a nice butt. And also Chris Evans is shirtless at one point, so... beware. Or enjoy! Whichever.

Ancient (And Not So Ancient), Layoutless Headers

I've organized these chronologically, also. That was easier to do, since way back when, I actually date-stamped my graphics. Go, past me! Click on the images below to see the original size.

Brian and Justin from Queer as Folk | First header I ever made. I'd willfully forgotten this one.

Multifandom | I'd willfully forgotten this one, too.

Romeo + Juliet | Not a bad third effort, although it's quite... orange.

Ewan McGregor | Looks sorta like a paper bag, doesn't it?

Charlie from LOST | Not really sure where I was going here...

Dieux du Stade | Holy mother of smart blur! Also have a butt.

Brian Kinney from Queer as Folk | Nothing says sex god like a pre-school font.

The Butterfly Effect | This one, I like. Well done, self.

Ralph Fiennes | Well if it isn't smart blur, again!

Hugh Dancy | I'm not... really sure what's going on here, but I remember loving it.

Hayden Christensen | I remember loving this one, too, at the time.

Hayden Christensen | One of the less terrible ones, gotta admit.

Shattered Glass | Yep, had no recollection of this, either.

Hayden Christensen | I had this one saved as "weefeyhayden.jpg," for obvious reasons.

Hayden Christensen | The first of two wet Hayden headers.

Hayden Christensen | I prefer this one, though. *pervs*

Roses | This one's not actually a thumbnail. I... I had a layout this tiny?

Orlando Bloom | You know, I remembered doing a lot more purple than orange. Clearly I was wrong.

Chris Evans | Oh god, remember when everyone tinted everything red? I do.

Supernatural | This was my header for all of a day until it started to hurt my eyes.

Arthur from Merlin | I really liked this layout. Kept it for a few months.

Merlin | This might've won the award for longest-standing layout of mine ever.
But wait! There's still more! I haven't found all the old community graphics I've made in the past. Ohh dear. Some of those really bring the pain.

Layout Archive

2012-03-20T23:39:08Z

So, back in the day I had this thing where I'd keep a layout for about, oh... two weeks before changing it. Layout ADD or something, I guess.

I've lost a lot of the code for these layouts, but the thumbnails and, in a lot of cases, the headers still exist! Some of them are... interesting -- actually, screw diplomacy. Some are straight-up weird-looking, but I'm going to share them anyway. Yay!

So, um... brace yourselves! I apologize for any retina damage these might cause.

Ye (Olde, Olde) Olde Layout Archive

I've attempted to organize these thumbs chronologically to the best of my ability. Not sure how well that worked out...

s2 Component | Orlando Bloom
(click above to view header)

s2 Component | Waterlilies
(click above to view header)

s2 Opal | Veronica Mars 1x15: "Ruskie Business"
(click above to view header)

s2 Component | Justin Timberlake
(click above to view header)

s2 Component | Hayden Christensen
(click above to view header)

s2 Component | Multifandom
(click above to view header)

s2 Component | Les Ballets Trockadero de Monte Carlo
(click above to view header)

s2 Component | Supernatural 1x01: Pilot
(click above to view header)

s2 Component | Supernatural 1x06: "Skin"
(click above to view header)

s2 Opal | Hugh Dancy
(click above to view header)

s2 Opal | Adrien Brody
(click above to view header)

s2 Opal | Adrien Brody
(click above to view header)

s2 Component | Jensen Ackles

s2 Opal | Adrien Brody for the_lj_reboot
(click above to view header or here for process)

s2 Opal | Supernatural season 2 promos
(click above to view header)

s2 Component | Ian Somerhalder
(click above to view header)

s2 Component | Eric Bana
(click above to view header)

s2 Component | Steve Sandvoss
(click above to view header)

s2 Opal | Supernatural 2x04: "Children Shouldn't Play with Dead Things"

s2 Opal | Supernatural 2x08: "Crossroad Blues" for the_lj_reboot
(click above to view header or here for process)

s2 Opal | Supernatural 2x02: "Everybody Loves a Clown"
(click above to view header)

s2 Opal | Supernatural season 2 promos for the_lj_reboot
(click above to view header or here for process)
But wait! There's more! Orphan graphics whose layout thumbnails I either never took or lost are coming up next. And if you think these were wonky...

The LJ REBOOT: Round 5 Entry!

2012-03-20T02:45:24Z

So it's that time again -- time for me to make a long, blathering post about what I did in order to create a semi-fabulous layout for the_lj_reboot. This is the third Reboot I've participated in, and the first in which I was so low on time and energy that I literally whipped out my entire layout in a day's time, give or take some minor poking here and there. If anything, this has been a lesson in procrastination.

Rebooted!

"Yeah, I got time." The phrase came as easily to me as it did to Mr. Incredible on the day of his wedding. Finals? Have to study. Moving? Have to pack. Kitten in a tree? Have to shake it loose with my brute strength. Reboot V deadline looming ahead? No problem. Hell, there's still time to pass out for four days after getting home from my first year at school.

And then I regained consciousness and realized, "Oh, crap. It's the 21st of May, and my Reboot layout is due in ten days." Thus commenced the ritualistic running about like a chicken who has met an untimely end by beheading. And after I was done molting, I sat down and stared at my computer, willing it to create the most fabulous layout possible, for me.

This entire layout is based on a pattern. I was saying to myself as I started to plot out the basic design in Photoshop [I always create a mock-up of what I want things to look like before I code them], "I want something with the guys from Supernatural on it, but I want something to border the side, too." It took me awhile, but I found what might be the perfect pattern for the mood I was trying to set -- a simple, flowery design by 77words. With some minor color adjustment so the pattern would match the header graphic I'd already created in the mock-up, I was ready to start the most tedious part of the design process: the coding.

I've never done a purely CSS-based layout. I admire the people who can do it, but I have to get my hands on the meat of the layout and fiddle with the actual hard coding to make it look the way I want. This often leads to compiling errors in the s2 advanced customization center, as well as, um... interesting mistakes.

Whoops! Forgot a bracket.
With a few minor speedbumps, I was well on my way to a brand spankin' new layout, this time without recycling any of my old code. The only thing I did recycle was halffling's Opal template [which I continue to heart], although the fact that this is an Opal-based layout is barely noticeable, with as much as I've changed it.

The Design Process

After experimenting with gradients and shading in my first Reboot [#3, spring 2006] and with rounded corners in my second [#4, fall 2006], I thought it was time for a little something different. I knew going into the mock-up that it was going to be a Supernatural-based layout, and I knew that I wanted to incorporate a lot of shades of aquamarine and turquoise into it. I needed to brighten up my LJ -- the previous layout I'd been using was a nice, but somewhat boring combination of gray and smokey-blue.

For the header I used the standard, almost overused Sam-and-Dean-in-field photos that were circulated before the start of Supernatural season 2. I tried to take some pink out of their skin tones and to brighten up the blues in the photos as much as possible before working in the rest of the elements I would need for a good layout design, in the mock-up.

It took me awhile to find the right pattern to start my layout out with. Some of the ones I tried making myself were pretty horrific, before I started combing through 77words' patterns on my external hard drive and came up with this cute little flowered pattern in teal, aquamarine, and tan. The colors matched the header I'd thrown together nearly perfectly. After that, the mock-up was easy like Sunday morning.

PS mock-up: click to embiggen.
Getting the design to match the mock-up was only sometimes tricky. I can tell you right now that the way the layout is set up matches the mock-up pretty closely. It's obvious that I changed the text on the header -- thanks to marishna, who had to kill my joy about Blur's 'Girls and Boys' by telling me that it didn't quite fit the graphic. Additionally, I had a few more borders than strictly necessary in the PS mock-up, so I removed a few of those. I think the hardest parts were by far putting the time/date above the icon [and the username below, on friends view], and moving the tags up from the metadata.

Afterthoughts

I still haven't figured out how to remove the tags from kunzite1's cleaned-up tabled metadata code without getting a compiling error. :| Oh, well. Metadata isn't the meat of the entry, anyhow.

On a whole, I very much enjoyed rebooting my layout. I thought it was definitely time for a change as far as the look of my layout goes and am relatively satisfied with the way it turned out. Mostly, I'm loving all the blue.

Another plus is the load time for this layout. There are sixteen images uploaded into the Reboot Version V folder in my LJ ScrapBook. Reboot Version IV claims 10 images; however, the images are larger in terms of file size than those uploaded for this Reboot. And compared to the 62 images that were involved in my Reboot III layout, sixteen images for Reboot V are a paltry sum.

At any rate, I had fun. I've blathered on for quite some time now, mainly to while away the minutes that remained before I could post this and turn on my layout. I'm looking forward to the next Reboot already, regardless of whether or not the stress of another timed layout will kill me.

As always, it was designed for Mozilla Firefox. Of course it doesn't look right in Internet Explorer.

Make sure to check out the other fantastic designs at the_lj_reboot.

The LJ REBOOT: Round 4 Entry!

2012-03-20T02:21:07Z

Another round of the_lj_reboot has come and gone, and I've participated for a second straight time. Yay!

I had nowhere near the time for Reboot IV that I did for III, so as you can see the layout is basically a rendition of previous layouts with slightly different CSS and different graphics. But I love the colors and the flow, and the graphics just pop, so I'm happy with it. For now.

Until two weeks from now when I get tired of it. :| That's about how long it took me to replace Reboot III with something a bit more sedate, anyway.

I definitely expended more energy making the header than editing the CSS, this time around. The images I used were high quality but sometimes a bit touchy, and I spent quite a bit of time poking them just slightly to change position, coloring, etc.

As always, it looks best in Firefox because IE is just wonky, isn't it? I have no idea what that ginormous gap between the entries and sidebar is in IE, but I certainly didn't put it there. ::facepalm::

Anyway, pretty new layout, yay!

The LJ REBOOT: Round 3 Entry!

2012-03-20T01:45:50Z

What do you get when you cross a carnival with a bordello? My the_lj_reboot layout, that's what.

I've had this layout open in a tab of Firefox since early August as I worked on it nearly nonstop -- although the first two HTML mockups didn't work out so well. Which is probably the understatement of the year [although #2 looks massively better than #1, mainly because it's got some of the graphics from the final version integrated into it], but hey!

Things to Notice:

1. I went a little crazy with the hover effects. Everything from the subject to the links in the navbar to the userpic border changes in some way on hover.

2. Devil's in the details. Ignoring for a moment that Adrien Brody's gorgeous belly is portrayed in all its glory on this sucker, look at all the damask. ♥♥♥ And the little curlicues and dingbats in the [rotating!] image at the top of the navigation bar are love. So much love, in fact, that they're repeated again throughout the layout as ornaments for the subject line and, down at the bottom, as gigundoid ornamentation that really, you can only see well on a 1280+ resolution monitor.

3. Rotating images? Yes please. Refresh this LJ enough times in Firefox and you should see every image available in the rotating images script whatsit. Yay! [My favorite is "minorfourth has been a slasher since before she knew what slash is."]

4. Black and white and red all over. Might as well call these my theme colors, because I always seem to go back to them no matter what type of layout I'm making. Which is kinda weird, considering my favorite color's actually blue... but I guess most people aren't so pretty with the asphyxiated look going for them.

The Process:

After the first two big reveals at the_lj_reboot, I thought it'd be fun to challenge myself with a Rebooted layout of my very own. I immediately decided to go with Opal [Libra OSWD] as my base layout, because of all the layouts LiveJournal has available for use, I've found Opal to be the most flexible in terms of customizations. As you can tell, I customized like crazy.

I used halffling's base code as a starter point once I'd plotted out with plain-old HTML how I wanted my layout to appear, and from there the layout really took off. The header graphic came later in the process, after I'd started with the red and gray damask and the rotating images, because I felt like even though there was a lot going on, it really needed something to tie it all together. I added a footer later to bring the whole thing home.

As with all my headers, there wasn't really a process so much as a throwing things at it until something looks good.
There is a lot going on in this layout; that's another reason why I'm keeping the default comment pages up. For people with slow connections, I won't torture them by forcing them to load all the gimongous chunks of my header, plus all the other images used in the layout, every time they want to comment on my journal.

Because a lot of the layout is transparent *.png images, the best way to view it is definitely using Mozilla Firefox. I recommend checking it out with Firefox just once, even if you're a fervent Internet Explorer lover, because the pixeliness of the transparent *.gifs I coded in for IE viewers just don't do justice to their Firefoxian counterparts.

This whole experience has been super-fun for me. I'm hoping that the other participants enjoyed it just as much.

In conclusion: please check it out in Firefox. Just once. Please.

Stuff! And things!

2012-03-20T00:47:20Z

In an attempt to use my LiveJournal account more, I'm going to start by adding old stuff from my previous account (dorkdance) to this one. Which seems lame, when I could be adding new content, but hey. Gotta restart somewhere, right?

So in the next week or so, I'm going to see if I can back up all my old fic (yes, including the crackfic to end all crackfics, Hard Time, which I just recently re-found), layouts, graphics, etc. to this account. I'm probably going to leave personal posts where they are, because reading those is like going back and reading your diary from ten years ago -- sort of cringeworthy.

But yeah! That's the state of the sparklpocalypse at the moment. :D

So, several months ago I did a big bang.

2012-03-17T13:57:04Z

By which I mean, I actually finished it. Which is weird, because I never finish these things. I blame tessisamess for this change, since I collaborated with her on the story. Aaaaanywho.

The story is now (finally, hooray laziness!) up at our collaborative fic LJ, so I figured it was probably time to post about it on my own LJ. Right? Right.

Title: Elephant
Authors: tessisamess and sparklpocalypse
Artist: silver_paired
Fandom: Glee
Pairing: Kurt Hummel/Dave Karofsky
Rating: NC-17
Summary: When Dave starts his second semester at OSU, the last person he expects to run into on campus is Kurt Hummel -- after all, last he knew, Kurt was off to kickstart his glamorous life in New York. He and Kurt have never been friends, but now that he's out and the only person Kurt knows on campus, and the threat of high school humiliation is no longer looming, what's to stop them from trying?

Part one (the fic was split due to size restrictions) is located here.

Project promo: The Bullywhips

2012-02-22T02:51:36Z

Originally posted by tessisamess, here.

Tonight's episode of Glee was amazing, and its message about cyberbullying was incredibly timely and important. Because of tonight's episode and the direction the show took with its storyline, we couldn't have timed the launch of this project any better if we'd planned it.

If you're a member of Glee fandom who's concerned about the major issue of bullying, please, take a moment and go to bullywhips and take a look around. If you like what you see, join -- and if you really believe in the message we're trying to spread, sign the pledge!

LJ HTML guide for newbies!

2012-01-29T20:07:12Z

I am by no means an expert coder, but I've picked up quite a bit in the past few years -- enough that I feel comfortable compiling this guide to the most basic of coding for LiveJournal posts.

Codelicous!
A somewhat detailed guide to posting on LiveJournal for newbies or people who are just now letting go of RichText, by sparklpocalypse.

Basic Formatting: boldify · italicize · underline · ~~strikethrough~~
Slightly Less Basic: embedding images · creating links · linebreaks on LJ
Little More Formatting: centering content · creating dividers
LJ-Specific Coding: linking to users/communities · cut tags
So you want to format a LiveJournal post without using the dreaded RichText editor? Here's some basic tags you should know:

 · · · <s>
Basic formatting: bold, italics, underline, strikethrough.



To boldify text, use . For example:

I like narwhals and butterflies!
... is coded: I like narwhals and butterflies!

On Tumblr, this tag is replaced with .



To italicize text, use . For example:

Help! I've lost a piece of cheese in my ear!
... is coded: Help! I've lost a piece of cheese in my ear!

On Tumblr, this tag is replaced with .



To underline text, use . For example:

I don't know what you're talking about, Mr. Jones. I assure you, I've always had purple hair.
... is coded: I don't know what you're talking about, Mr. Jones. I assure you, I've always had purple hair.

<s>

To ~~strike through~~ text, use <s>. For example:

I ~~hate~~ love your new shirt! It's so ~~awful~~ cute! Where'd you get it?
... is coded: I <s>hate</s> love your new shirt! It's so <s>awful</s> cute! Where'd you get it?

On Tumblr, this tag is replaced with <strike>.

<img> · <a> · · 
A little more advanced: links, images, and linebreaks.

<img>

For artists, your PNG, JPG, or GIF images will be the most important part of your post. But how to include them? Simple: Use the <img> tag. For example:

... is coded: <img src="http://i.imgur.com/dbAel.png">

The bit between the quotes that follows src= in the <img> tag must be the direct link to wherever your image is hosted online. If it's a path to a webpage, such as the deviantART feedback page for that image, this tag will not work.

You have to use a new <img> tag for each image you want to include in your post.

<a>

You might also want to include links to things in your post. For this, you use the <a> tag. For example:

Hey, check out this super cool site!
... is coded: Hey, check out this <a href="http://tumblr.com">super cool site</a>!

The bit between the quotes that follows href= in the <a> tag is the URL you're linking to. You can link to images, websites, etc.

You can also turn an image into a thumbnail link, as in the following example (click the thumbnail to view larger):

... is coded: <a href="http://i.imgur.com/dbAel.png"><img src="http://i.imgur.com/dbAels.png"></a>

By placing the image tag inside the link tag, the image becomes the bit of your post that is a link.

 · 

What about linebreaks on LiveJournal? Well -- on a lot of sites, HTML editors require that you include  (paragraph) and   (linebreak) tags. LiveJournal does not. Including these tags when you use the HTML editor just means that you'll have obnoxiously large breaks between paragraphs in your post -- upwards of one inch, in some cases. To add a linebreak in a LiveJournal post, you just need to hit the enter key. To double-space, hit the enter key twice. So strip those  and   tags from your posts when you copy from Tumblr, and double space with the enter key instead. Or triple space, if you prefer.

<center> · <hr>
Just a tad more formatting.

<center>

As you might have guessed, <center> is used to center things on the line. It's one of the tags you can't use on Tumblr, so it might be new to a few of you.

Rollercoasters are awesome!... is coded: <center>Rollercoasters are awesome!</center>

The <center&;gt; tag can also be used to center images.

... is coded: <center><img src="http://i.imgur.com/dbAel.png"></center>

The <center> tag automatically adds an extra linebreak after it, so if you're a stickler for perfect formatting, hit the enter key one less time than you normally would at the end of the line, after your centered content. Without the aid of more advanced HTML than we're going to go into in this guide, you can't have both centered and regular text on the same line.

<hr>

On the off-chance that you want to add horizontal dividers in the body of your post, but don't want to use custom text/image dividers and the <center> tag to do it, <hr> is for you. Just slap a <hr> into your post where you'd like the divider to be, and you're good! This is one of the few basic HTML tags that you don't have to close.

<lj user> · <lj-cut>
LiveJournal-specific coding.

<lj user>

Want to link to someone's LiveJournal or a LiveJournal community in your post, including the userhead link to their profile? It's as simple as using the <lj user> tag.

LIVEJOURNAL: genghischan is coded <lj user="genghischan">
COMMUNITY: kurtofskyrebang is coded <lj comm="kurtofskyrebang">

Just use the username/community name in place of the ones provided above and you're set.

<lj-cut>

If you're new to LiveJournal, chances are you'll post something to a community without a cut tag, and about fifteen different people will comment that your post needs a cut. Here's how to do one: you use <lj-cut>.

You simply place the content you want to hide behind the cut in between <lj-cut> and </lj-cut> and it'll be hidden from the community/your friends list until people click on the link. It's generally an unspoken LiveJournal rule that any text more than a paragraph long, any images more than 350px wide by 400px tall, and any content that isn't worksafe or contains spoilers/triggering material/controversial material should be placed behind a cut.

The "fake cut" is a link that's been formatted to look like a cut tag. People sometimes use these if they post things on their journals, and then crosspost the links to communities. However, a simple link is totally sufficient in these cases, unless you feel up to coding the rest of the "fake cut."

Was this at all helpful?

Renamed!

2011-10-26T01:03:29Z

And man, do I have to start using this thing again. I feel bad, you know? My poor LJ is all neglected and gathering dust.

Anyway! wherethewind is now sparklpocalypse! This is mostly just to clear up any confusion about my fandom identity on various social networking sites, but also because I was feeling antsy about having kept the same username for like, ~~ever~~ way longer than a year. It was weird. And stuff.

Also I'm alive, just... FYI. :D

CSS Template: Smooth Circus [s2 -- Smooth Sailing]

2011-09-11T19:22:59Z

Note: This CSS template was created using Google Chrome, and tested perfectly in the newest version of Mozilla Firefox. There are some text display issues in Internet Explorer.

Smooth Circus
A LiveJournal CSS Template by sparklpocalypse, Featuring:

     » Custom Fonts via @font-face
     » Fixed Footer
     » Fancy Bulleted and Numbered Lists
     » Super Fancy Blockquotes
     » Moderately Fancy Contextual Popups
     » Center Alignment

Smooth Circus

Recent Entries · Archive: Year · Archive: Month · Live Preview · CSS · Images

Alternate Color Schemes

	Confidence Unleashed Larger Image Preview View/Download CSS Download Images [*.zip]

	Heat is in the Air Larger Image Preview View/Download CSS Download Images [*.zip]

	Self-Effacing Notions Larger Image Preview View/Download CSS Download Images [*.zip]

	Imitations in the Pants Larger Image Preview View/Download CSS Download Images [*.zip]

Installation

1. Download the template CSS using one of the above links.

Screencap: contextual popup [unavailable in live preview].

2. Feel free to edit the colors, images, etc. to your liking. DON'T DO ANYTHING BEYOND CHANGING THE BASICS IF YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND CSS.

3. Go to LJ's Customization Center and enter Smooth Sailing in the search box. Select any one of the themes listed and then choose "2 Column (sidebar on right)."

4. In the Display tab, scroll down and select "Left side of the entry text" under Userinfo Position in Entries.

5. Go to the Custom CSS tab and select NO on both dropdown menus, then paste the custom CSS in the box and select "Save Changes".

6. If you do not want to use the navigation strip, which I've customized to suit the layout, then go to the Display tab and under Navigation Strip, uncheck both boxes.

7. Crediting me for this layout would be fabulous. You can edit it to your heart's content -- go crazy with color, images, etc. if you want.

Images
There are five background images utilized in this layout. Please download the ones that correspond with the stylesheet you've chosen, then upload them to your own server, as they're currently hosted in my LJ Scrapbook account, and that can be kinda dodgy sometimes.

     » bg-main.png located in the body block of the CSS -- original made by The Inspiration Gallery, edited and recolored by me
     » bg-blockquote.png located in the blockquote, .daytitles, .day-date, div.ContextualPopup .Userpic, and div.ContextualPopup .Content blocks of the CSS
     » bg-dark.png located in the .sidebar and .entryUserinfo-usericon img blocks of the CSS
     » bg-light.png located in the .w-cs-userinfo block of the CSS
     » bg-med.png located in the .w-cs-summary and .w-cs-controls blocks of the CSS

If you're having issues with pictures on your friends list stretching out your layout, try the following in your CSS:

In .entryText, add EITHER overflow: auto; OR overflow: hidden; to the block. The first option will insert a scrollbar when needed, to corral those pesky stretchy images. The second option will clip all content wider than the constraints of the entry. I prefer the latter, but only because I don't care for scrollbars going all willy-nilly in my layouts.

I'm not dead!

2011-02-21T13:42:54Z

Funny how that subject line was saved in my browser. Oops.

School has eaten me, and more importantly, Tumblr has eaten me. I suck, I know. I should really be using my LJ, since I've got a paid account and all... *sigh*

So how's everyone been?

Happy Christmafestikwanzaakah!

2010-12-25T13:59:48Z

Happy holiday of your choosing, flisters! Hope you're all healthy and content, and that those of you who are spending the day with family don't get driven too batty by them! And also that Santa wasn't as mean to you as he seems to have been to that guy up there. *points* ♥

kallysten wrote me gift!fic this holiday season, and you should all read it! Because she's awesome. :D She asked for prompts, and I can never prompt easily. I wound up prompting the following:

"So, there's this vampire. And he's a giant nerd, like -- his wardrobe more resembles Sheldon Cooper's than anyone's we've ever seen on any of the things that have come out of Joss Whedon's brain. And he's got this pet tortoise, because well, replacing cats gets really depressing after awhile, and tortoises live a long time. He frequents The Edge [the vampire bar from her original book series], but only bites people after he gets to know them, because he genuinely feels bad about it otherwise. One night, while our nerdy vampire friend is out walking his tortoise in the park, a hunter decides he's his next quarry. *dramatic music*"

And she wrote it. ♥♥♥ Go read The Unromanticized Life of a Vampire and tell her how freakin' awesome she is. :D

I hope you all eat too many cookies, because I'm definitely going to and I don't want to be the only one! :D

Glee fic: Bait With Your Heart: Kurt/Dave, PG-13

2010-11-27T15:54:08Z

Title: Bait With Your Heart
Author: Magz [sparklpocalypse]
Pairing: Kurt/Dave
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: ~ 1,100
Spoilers: You should probably watch Glee 2x06 through 2x08 before reading this.
Warnings/Triggers: [highlight to read] Character death -- minor and major; attempted suicide.
Summary: Non-linear, second-person POV, and slightly AUish. "A boy from your class sits down next to you and lets you play with his red Power Ranger. You give him part of your Fruit Roll-Up and he gives you some of his Goldfish, and when it's time for story hour, he scoots his mat close to yours."
Author's Note: What the heck, brain. You let me write a completed fic for the first time in years, and it's the most controversial pairing ever to emerge from Glee? I don't even. *sigh* Oh, brain, you do like the drama. Ahem. Anywho! Title comes from a slightly longer quote by Mark Twain -- "When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain."

Bait With Your Heart

He's thirty-one when the bill is signed into law. You're thirty, and you're clutching his hand tight, so tight, and you're both smiling so widely that your faces hurt.

That night, you take a little black box out of its hiding place in your dresser and put on the ring he gave you -- he's been wearing the one you gave him the whole time. You fall asleep curled around each other like you have for three years.

· · · · ·
When you're fifteen, he begins a campaign apparently designed to destroy your clothes with sticky, sugary syrup and crushed ice. As slushie drips down your face and into your collar, you tell yourself that at least it's not a dumpster.

· · · · ·
You're thirty-three when his unit is deployed to the Middle East. The night before he ships out you wrap yourself around him and try to burn the feel of him in your arms into your memory.

When you tell him he'd better come back to you, he tells you he loves you.

· · · · ·
You fall on the playground and scrape your knees a week after your seventh birthday. It hurts, and you want your mommy but she's not coming back, and the recess monitors are busy breaking up a fight between two bigger boys so you sit on the ground, miserable and sniffling. Then a boy from your class sits down next to you and lets you play with his red Power Ranger.

You give him part of your Fruit Roll-Up and he gives you some of his Goldfish, and when it's time for story hour, he scoots his mat close to yours. When you get off the school bus that afternoon, you tell your daddy that you made a forever friend, and he looks really happy for the first time in a long time.

· · · · ·
You're seventeen and you find him bleeding in the boys' bathroom. You almost drop your iPhone three times before you call 911. You hate him so much -- you hate him more at that moment than you ever have before. And even though you try so hard to forget how white his face is when the paramedics wheel the gurney out into the hallway, you wake up in a cold sweat for weeks afterward.

· · · · ·
You're thirty-six. He's sitting on the bed in front of you, his shoulders hunched and his head down. He's holding deployment papers in his hand. You want to pull him close and never let go. He asks what you think he should do. You tell him to come back to you.

· · · · ·
When you're nine, you grow apart. He plays football and you don't. You take dance lessons and he doesn't. You stop going to the secret hiding place on the playground to share snacks, and so does he.

After awhile, you decide it's not so bad that you don't have your forever friend anymore. When you grow up, you'll have lots of them.

· · · · ·
You're four, and your mommy is your best friend. You like the way she smiles when your daddy does something nice for her.

You ask her when she knew she loved him. She hugs you tight and tells you that it was when she noticed he was a good man.

When you ask what she means, and wasn't daddy always a good man, she laughs -- it sounds like the bells on Sunday morning -- and says you'll understand someday.

· · · · ·
You meet his eyes across the crowded restaurant. It's your twenty-fourth birthday today, and you're back home celebrating with all your forever friends.

He looks away first.

The next morning, you run into him at Starbucks and he shifts back and forth uncomfortably for a moment before turning and leaving. When he leaves the coffee shop, you try not to wonder at how much it looks like he's running away.

· · · · ·
You're shouting at him in a locker room that smells like socks and sweat and body spray. You're sixteen and you've never been so terrified or so angry. But with every word, the terror gives way to a new swell of rage and you feel like you're screaming now, words meant to hurt like the slam of your body against a locker. And then --

· · · · ·
He kisses you and tells you he'll be back in an hour. It's been nearly fifteen years since you let him into your life again. Somehow you can't believe he'll be forty next spring.

· · · · ·
You're eighteen, and you're packing the last of your things. College starts in two weeks, but you need to be prepared. You check and double-check your list before making one last run to Target. Your family keeps insisting that there are stores where you'll be attending school, but it never hurts to be prepared.

When your cart nearly collides with his at the checkout, you feel like something is missing. Later, as you're putting your bags in the car, you realize that it was intimidation.

Then you realize it's been missing for months now.

· · · · ·
Twelve, and you think you catch a glimpse of him at your dance recital. You wonder why he sat all the way in the back row.

· · · · ·
Nineteen, and you come home on break to find that his father's died. It makes you think of Fruit Roll-Ups and Goldfish. You wonder if there's a grown-up equivalent. Then you wonder why you care.

· · · · ·
Ten, and when a bigger kid trips you, a new girl comes to your aid. You know he's watching, but you decide you won't look back.

· · · · ·
When you're twenty-five you come home for good. It takes you three weeks to gather up the nerves to confront him, no matter what anyone says about courage.

Six months later you're heading off a confrontation of another sort, as your family demands to know if you're seeing the man who made your life a living hell in high school. You laugh it off... but inside, you can't help but think of something your mom told you when you were very little.

· · · · ·
You're thirty-eight. Two police officers are standing on your porch.

· · · · ·
It's your first day of school. As careful as a five-year-old can be, you climb up the tall steps onto the school bus for the very first time, and a boy wearing a Spider-Man tee shirt pats the seat next to him and says you can share. He sticks his tongue through the hole where his left front tooth is supposed to be, and then he tells you his name is David and that he's six years old.

On the second day of school, David's not on the same bus as you, and you won't even remember him and his Spider-Man shirt a year later when he shares his Goldfish on the playground.

~~end~~ beginning

sparklpocalypse @ 2010-11-26T18:00:00

2010-11-26T23:00:56Z

Real quick-like, because being at home is more time-consuming than I'd like:

Amazon is selling Merlin season 1 on DVD [region 1] for $19.99. I don't know how long that price will remain as it is, but jeezy creezy, if you don't have the DVDs, now's the time to shell out the cash and buy them. Get thee hence to your online purveyor of goods! :)

Hope everyone had a fab Thanksgiving! Woke up to white stuff on the ground this morning and was very put out.

So let's talk about that show with the singing and the dancing and such.

2010-11-17T03:41:45Z

No, not America's Got Talent. No, also not Dancing With the Stars. Try again.

So, Glee eh? I'd just about given up on the show because they lost the plot, and then they found it again with a vengeance. And in the process they made me like Kurt. Well done, Glee.

Let me explain. Kurt in season 1 was... well, okay, he was fabulous, but he wasn't the kind of person I'd hang out with. He was just sort of one-dimensional and sparkly, and it seemed like any drama he had revolved around his sexuality. Too much sparkly gives me a headache, you know? But in this season, even though his problems still tend to revolve around his sexuality, there's a new edge to them. And all of this is Karofsky's fault. With the well-timed bullying storyline, the writers of Glee have given Kurt a new depth that makes his character much more interesting to me -- and, thanks to Max Adler's frankly brilliant acting, this depth has extended to Karofsky as well.

And all of it leads to [stems from?] this:

This is the moment in Glee where, if I hadn't been sitting at my desk, I would've fallen off my chair. My roommate can attest to the fact that for like 2 minutes into the commercial break, all I was capable of doing was yelling "OHMIGOD!" and flailing. And once I was done flailing, I settled down and thunk a bit. And realized how glad I was that Ryan Murphy and co. decided to go the Slap, Slap, Kiss route, even though it's totally a cliché. Not necessarily because now Kurt and Karofsky can go skipping into the sunset hand-in-hand [and after tonight's death threat, I don't think that's even remotely possible anytime soon], but because it brings to light an important thing most people overlook: sometimes bullies are just as emotionally destroyed as the people they push into lockers.

We don't know what Karofsky's issue is. Maybe he grew up in a household where the parents cheerfully discuss how deeply homophobic they are over dinner. Maybe his parents are fine, but his teammates are homophobic enough to make up for it. Maybe the fact that "gay" is still a synonym for "lame" has something to do with it. Whatever the case is, what we've got in Dave Karofsky is, like Kurt shouted, a scared little boy. Based on his previous appearances on the show, we know Karofsky's likely got a learning disability [see the blurb from "Mattress"], so it's probably hard for him to use his words. But what does he have to make up for it? The Fury.

I don't know if Karofsky will be redeemed. Glee has certainly redeemed other bullies -- Puck wanted to flip a port-a-potty with Artie trapped inside, and now he and Artie are best buds; Finn used to throw pee balloons at Kurt and now they're comfortably cohabitating thanks to Burt and Carole. And a lot of people are saying that Karofsky has done things that are entirely irredeemable, especially when it comes to his raging [and self-loathing] homophobia. I think it'll get worse before it gets better in his case, and most likely to the detriment of Kurt's wellbeing. But for the sake of seeing more of Max Adler's fantastic acting -- and for the sake of all those other kids who hate themselves so much because of their upbringing or whatever else that they pick on the people who in reality are a lot like them -- I hope Karofsky does get his redemption.

I'm not talking sunshine and roses with Kurt, here. Kurt's got his massive crush on Blaine to focus on right now, even though I don't really see that progressing beyond friendship. Blaine would be a good mentor for Kurt -- even if he's living vicariously through him by telling Kurt to stand up where he, himself couldn't. [And my god, how hilarious was Mercedes' "Gay, gay, gay, gay gay gay..." hallucination in tonight's episode?] But once things have calmed down to some extent, I'd like to see Karofsky come to some level of self-acceptance and happiness. After all, based on what I've witnessed in my own lifetime, if you take a bully, and make them happy, then there's less pain to go around. Or, if you think mathematically [wherein b represents the bully, r represents rage, c represents contentment, and e² represents everyone else]:

( b - r ) + c = e² + ☺
Yeah, I'm no mathematician. :|

So Kurt and Karofsky. Do I think they'd have some insane hate-fueled makeout sessions? Yeah, totally. Do I want to see Kurt dating him by the end of season 2? Nope. That would just feel too rushed. But there are over a dozen episodes left in the season -- I can see the writers working in a tentative friendship, maybe -- even if Karofsky's at the stage right now where he's scared so shitless that he's making death threats. Friendship. If they do it right, it'll be great. And I'll like Kurt even more as a result -- because not only have I developed a celebrity crush on Max Adler thanks to the bullying storyline on Glee, but this storyline has really showcased just how well Chris Colfer can act.