So I mentioned this paper here before a few times, but I didn’t actually say anything coherent about what I thought of it (as far as I can remember.)

Today I started re-reading it, so here I am.

I’m not having quite as many feelings about it this time around. But it’s only “less feelings” in comparison to the first time I read it, when I cried happy tears at multiple points. After having read so much awfulness dressed up in scientific clothes by autism experts, it’s an incredible relief to see those ideas taken apart in the same thorough, scientifc language.

The main thesis of Towards a Behavior of Reciprocity is that because autistic people are labelled as lacking “social and emotional reciprocity”, as well as social awareness and empathy more generally, some people blame all failures of understanding between autistic and non-autistic people on autistic people’s deficiencies, with no recognition of what the non-autistic people involved might be doing wrong.

Or, in other words–

If you’re autistic, and every time something goes wrong a social situation you feel guilty and blame yourself? Even when “something goes wrong” = being bullied or abused?

You don’t have to feel like that. Being autistic doesn’t make it all your fault. Social interaction is a two-way street, and other people also have a responsibility to you, to reach out to you, to try and understand you. The responsibility isn’t all on your shoulders.

One of Gernsbacher’s first examples is a checklist for identifying a lack of “social reciprocity,” which includes questions about whether a possibly-autistic child’s peers bully or tease them, or consider them weird. Gernsbacher says:

This item appears to measure other children’s lack of social or emotional reciprocity. Regarding another child as odd or weird implicates the regarder—not the target child—as lacking in empathy or understanding.

It’s simultaneously totally groundbreaking and necessary, and completely ridiculous that this has to be said this way. This is such a basic thing! “Victims of bullying are not at fault for having characteristics the bully thinks are weird.” That shouldn’t be revolutionary.

It certainly shouldn’t be revolutionary enough that it has to be said in clinical language in a psychology paper, but it is, it really is, because the playground bullies have other scientific papers already on their side! And a lot more of them!

How did we get in this situation?

tumblr_ntv14u3YWj1r8izvoo1_250Sparkly has signed up for an adult ballet class this semester. Ey did ballet for many years when ey was younger, but the last time ey took classes was when ey was in middle school. Anyway, eir shoes and leotard and so forth arrived today, and ey asked me to take some pictures while ey tried them on. I’ve always thought that it was obvious ey had done ballet, just from the way ey holds eir hands and gestures and so forth, so while I don’t know anything about dance, I’m inclined to think that ey will do well.

One of my favorite things about the Lieutenant Leary books is how concerned Daniel and Adele get for each other. Every time they’re not in the same room and one of them sends a radio message/etc., they get all

“Oh, Daniel’s voice sounds so strained! What’s wrong? Well, his ship is taking off, it’s probably just the acceleration.”

“Oh, was that a quaver in Adele’s voice? Or was it just interference? When Adele is in charge of my ship’s communications, she makes sure there’s never any interference…”

I mean, the tone of tender concern isn’t actually that obvious, but it’s there! Practically every time they talk to each other long-distance, they do this. They are so. fucking. cute.

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The other thing I love is how– very explicitly– none of the characters are perfect, and in fact, most of their talents not only come with flaws but are also flaws. The particular worldview and attitude and thinking style that makes someone excellent at one job also means they’re at a disadvantage when it comes to other jobs that require different skills. A character can be avowedly The Best fill-in-the-blank In The Navy and also be mediocre at best at other equally important skills, and that’s totally normal and doesn’t in any way detract from their awesomeness at their particular area. It’s not a sad, fatal flaw to shake your head at, nobody expects them to be any different. The characters are lovingly accepting of each others’ flaws, even when they could be frustrating.

The first thing I’ve learned by watching videos about ASL is that, if I try to copy a one-handed sign, I will correctly flip it– so, if the other person is signing with their right hand, I’ll use my right hand, too.

If the sign involves both hands, I instinctively mirror them and thus do the sign the wrong way around. Every time. Argh.