There’s a person on Tumblr

who I don’t follow but whose posts I’ve come across a few times. They like to talk about how (their particular experience of) autistic issues with empathy-ish things are actually a blessing, because their “lack” of certain kinds of empathy means they aren’t vulnerable to emotional manipulation.

Small justified complaint: They call this THE autistic problem with empathy, which… it’s not? There isn’t one single way autistic people experience empathy. They shouldn’t talk like their experiences are The Way Things Are for everyone.

Feelings that aren’t a proper complaint:

I know that they’re trying to deal with the truly awful things people say about people who “lack” empathy. I’m sure turning it into a positive helps them. And regardless, autistic people talking about our actual experiences is a good thing. I get it. I do.

But it pisses me off because here’s this person saying “I don’t fall for your silly manipulation, I’m so awesome, go me” and here I am feeling so vulnerable.

I’m not even sure if the kind of manipulation they’re talking about is the kind I actually am vulnerable to! But it bothers me!

Still sorta sick.

Random thought of the day: Eff Rothmer from The Thirteenth Child is the first fictional character I really identified with.

[I mean “identify with” in the sense that’s interchangeable with “relate to,” if that’s unclear, not “identify as” meaning “I literally am this thing.”]

I liked lots of characters as people, and I was invested in their stories, but I didn’t tend to think any of them were like me. I related to fictional characters as if they were separate people, friends maybe, but separate people.

And honestly I’m not sure if there is a second fictional character I identify with yet.

I could write about why Eff and not anybody else, but that would take a while and I’m still not feeling 100%.

Instead of spoiling someone’s advice post

(a lovely advice post about letting intrusve thoughts just pass you by and saying “How about no, that’s a bad idea”)

I’ll say this here.

I have… a fair amount? I don’t actually know how much is normal… of intrusive thoughts, of the “I could do [dangerous thing] right now. Why don’t I do that?” type, and I don’t think I’ve ever found them upsetting or scary.

I think I’ve said before that I never spent much time looking for advice about dealing with anxiety, because all the advice I found was either obviously wrong for me, or something I was already doing. This advice is in that second category. It never occurred to me to do anything else with my intrusive thoughts than think “no, I won’t do that” and continue on with my day.
And if it needs to be said, I don’t think this makes me extra awesome at dealing with anxiety or something like that. I think it’s weird and I’m wondering why these thoughts never bothered me.

Still sick

but also thinking about religion and magic and superstitions. I’m a little afraid of the part of me that wants to see omens & significance in small things, believe that my intentions can make things happen, etc. I feel like it could get out of hand very easily.

I’m not sure if that’s a justified feeling, though. It’s a little related to the fear of being stereotypically “off in my own world”.

Shiny, new, very brief MFMM griping

I saw the first two episodes of series 3 of Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries yesterday (series 3 recently became available on Netflix) and as wonderful as it is to be watching this show again, I have to say,

I’m still waiting for a non-straight character who isn’t either

(a) dead

(b) a criminal

(c) Dr. Mac

(There might maybe be a gay man I’m forgetting, but this is definitely true of the lesbian/bi women.)

Not to mention, I now also know why my Australian acquaintances who watched this months ago were saying they wanted Mac to have more screentime. It seems like she’s not allowed to do anything besides autopsies, at least in these first few episodes.