Vulgarity
Sex is a very dirty thing (especially when done right) but it does not need to be crude. While some people are into that sort of thing, the truth is that the language of regular story telling applies here.
Death to Slang!
Narrators do not use slang. Narrators do not use contractions. At no point should “his balls" EVER “slap against his/her ass." NEVER! While that might be what is happening, the narrator needs to find an interesting way of saying it which is not vulgar. Remember that a character can be vulgar but a narrator is not.
1) Less is More or When to Describe
There are many different types of writing and each of these types force us to focus on different details. Action, drama, romance, mystery, and suspense all require different types of story focus. Mystery and suspense, for example, count on “less is more" so you “hint" at things but spare the specific details. When dealing with romance and sex, however, MORE is MORE!
Sex is about feelings and the information the senses bring into our brains. A kiss is boring unless they taste the salty excitement as their tongues slide gracefully across the surface of the other. While these types of statements add to the length of the narrative, they are the details that turn us on and make our juices flow.
In many ways, we do this with the setting. The description of the character's clothing and the ways they move are important, but too much action in bed can get kind of boring after a while. If all I see is action, action, action, then the feelings get lost. Without feeling … I might as well be reading an instructional pamphlet.
Tender Petals:
Remember not to reduce the power of the love making devices. Cocks, shafts, and asses should be thrown right out along with spooge. In this, I recommend getting a thesaurus … or going to www.thesaurus.com where you will be able to repeat similar actions in different ways and avoid the repetition of the movements which are necessary to achieve lift-off.
“Alaric moved his hips against her, his hard shaft sliding easily between the woman's slick folds."
Slick folds = Good / hard shaft = boring
The poetic ways in which men talk about dicks and pussy are legend. A man has his length, rod, scepter, man-hood, soldier, meat, pulsing member, and phallus. Women have folds, petals, an opening, warm depths, warmth, cradle, womb, nethers, a sex, and a core. The use of vulgar terms will cause the images of these body parts to lose their power. NEVER use: pussy, snatch, twat, dick, or any other words which are both vulgar and lacking in power.
In closing, writing is a skill. It takes time, practice, and mistakes before we get any good at it. If you are able to find a good web site that is willing to critique you then you will have a very good chance of becoming a great writer. Remember that the power of the internet can allow us to learn without embarrassing ourselves around people that we know and respect. Sex, is a dicey topic. There are some people out there who think this sort of writing is amazing and there are others who recoil in horror from it. Therefore, it is best to find a receptive audience on-line before taking any of it to people whom you might need to look in the eye again.
Happy Writing!
If you are writing in the first person you can and should use vulgarity, if the character you are following is vulgar. Such words can be used to emphasise roughness, lack of emotional attachment and other reasons for the character to be trying to remove themselves from the act.
If you are not in the first person, you can use a character's speech to give these same views, helping a character stand out as more than just a member of the appropriate gender.
As for thesaurus, yes, very yes. There is another thing I would recommend, trashy romance novels and their less-trashy-more-popular modern romance-fantasy stuff. Particularly if the author is the opposite gender to you. Such things can lead to diversification of the 'yet another yiff story' into something that people will want to read more for the quality and uniqueness of the writing.
How many times have you sat there and read something and just thought, "Wow, that is an amazing way of using the language," likely on here, not a once. I would highly suggest Katherine Kerr for this. Or, in general, any good author from a country not your own. You will gain new perspectives in writing (if not actually writing sex scenes, Ms Kerr doesn't do those btw).
Oh, and as an extra thing to point out, you would be absolutely amazed at what happens when you program for a computer game (MUCK in my case) that has gender as several fluid variables. Cunts, Cocks, Cunt Size, Cock Length, Balls... all valid variables. Not to mention whole arrays of the things for working out children. In short, if you think sex gets strange in English, try writing it for something a computer can follow :P
This is a matter of taste. I would like authors to challenge themselves when it comes to their language. Anyone can say that “his balls were slapping against her ass,” but it takes talent (and possibly a few paragraphs) to find another way of saying that and still keep the rhythm of pounding passion as lovers thunder through the night …