Hey, everyone! It's your dragon pal Aoi here and for this, I'd like to share with you all why I enjoy posting my fursuiting adventures and fursuit content for you all to see, as well as why I enjoy going to cons and meets! Is it simply to show off or anything along those lines? Well, NONE OF THAT! Let's get into it! ^w^

I don't usually talk about my mental health a whole lot unless it plays an important part/is an important topic of what I am wanting to share at that moment, such as now. As far as I'm aware, there's not much out there regarding the struggles that autistic adults face and as someone who is an autistic adult, it is indeed very tough at times. One thing I especially struggle with and what often hits me out of nowhere is extreme tiredness that completely sucks the life and energy right outta me. I also struggle a lot with getting a good night's sleep. I often find myself just laying wide awake in bed at night, not feeling tired at all when I was just feeling exhausted 2 minutes ago. Or, I fall asleep quickly but end up wide awake in the middle of the night at 2 or 4 AM, unable to go back to sleep. Or, I find myself having a good night's sleep by some chance but still end up feeling exhausted like I didn't get any sleep at all. And like I said before, sometimes this extreme tiredness comes crashing down on me out of the blue during the day and I then find myself going back to sleep again whenever possible just because I'm unable to keep my eyes open due to that overwhelming tiredness when I was feeling fine just 2 minutes ago. Then there's the extreme "overworked gut" feeling which feels like a very high anxiety level that can especially be felt in my guts. It completely puts pressure on that whole area and this feeling of an "overworked gut" due to anxiety can basically be felt throughout the whole day, usually at random intervals and especially when I'm preparing for a con, meet, etc. Yes, literally when I'm about to do something fun and that I really like, anxiety is still here. And even when it's not furry related at all, I can still experience constant anxiety even if I'm going to do something that I really enjoy, such as preparing to play a video game. When I'm at home and have nothing to worry about, anxiety is still here. It's especially very bad at home for some reason. When I wake up, the first thing I always feel is my guts immediately going haywire and often finding myself burst out into cold sweats because yes, anxiety has come to greet me first thing in the morning. At home, I often feel very depressed, anxious and have extreme lack of energy for basically everything in existence. Sometimes I can't even bring myself to go online. Too much anxiety or lack of energy, or both. So basically, I struggle a lot with anxiety, extreme exhaustion, depression and all the other struggles I experience to a much higher extent than perhaps most regular people due to being autistic. There are a lot of positives as well but the negatives of autism is something I really struggle with and as I got older, these struggles seem to have only gotten worse over time. Like I can remember being a lot less sensitive and way more social as a kid. Now, I'm extremely sensitive and alert, and I have a lot more social anxiety than I did as a kid. Sometimes I do have a couple of decent days at home but those are usually few and far and I just find myself being overwhelmed and exhausted most of the time. As of late, it can get very bad that I'm even too exhausted and have no energy to go upstairs and put on a fursuit to take some at home fursuiting photos, even. There are periods where I am mentally fine and stable for quite a while but then out of the blue, it can go not so well again. Very frustrating and I could go on and on and on but now you really know what I mostly struggle with.

So with that out of the way, why on earth would I stress myself out even more by going to meets, cons, and all this other stuff when I know it's probably gonna be real rough with all these struggles I go through?

Well, that's the part that I can't wait to tell you about! For me, it's really important for my mental health to go to cons, events and meets because while I may end up already half destroyed both physically and mentally trying to get to the destination of the meet or con, it gives me such a HUGE boost of energy and good mental health that I simply can't experience at home, no matter what I do. It's like once you're really there, you can literally just forget about all your struggles, worries, and all the pain. It really is like stepping into a portal that takes you to places you can only find in your happiest dreams as you leave the real world behind, even if it's just for a little while. Of course the anxiety and gut problems are still present, but it's so much more manageable than it is at home. It's like a distraction from that mental and physical pain, and seeing all those lovely and friendly people both with suits and those who don't have one...I just didn't think it was possible any more with how sick and twisted the world has become. I often find myself becoming overwhelmed in a positive way just because of the sheer amount of genuine kindness and wholesomeness I can find at those cons and meets alone, and that restores my faith in humanity again a little bit every time I get to experience that! And it brings me so much joy and happiness getting to share and show that same kind of genuine kindness to others who are also there! Whether it's attendees or just a random passerby, it really brings me great joy to just be kind to others because even I sometimes forget what it means to be truly kind, as I let the hateful world and all the negativity get to me too, and in return, I often find myself having a dark and sour mind because of it, especially when I'm at home. Because of how sensitive I am in that regard, I too can easily let hate consume me sometimes because genuine kindness seems to be lacking a lot everywhere I look, and then it's easy to just focus on the hate and only the hate. But when I get to just escape from that dark, twisted and hateful world, you really have no idea how much it benefits my mental health and because of the kindness I experience at these cons and meets, it really refuels my energy, motivation and positive mental health tanks, as well as that much needed kindness tank at times.

I can remember so well that during ConFuzzled 2023 last year, I was feeling absolutely shattered, both physically and mentally while I was standing in the registration line for the convention. Anxiety was yet again completely killing me on the inside and I could slowly feel a meltdown creeping up on me. I was about to cry. I could feel it. Then one of ConFuzzled's mascots show up, giving everyone in the line a hug! It was none other than Brok the Badger! And I got a hug from him too. A very much needed hug, may I add. I was just my depressed, vulnerable self. No suit or anything. Brok's hug just made me feel that genuine kindness I was talking about and I could literally just cry in his arms right there and then because I really needed that hug and it just made me so much more emotional, but in a good way! Gosh, I was so thankful for that hug, like you have no idea. It was at that moment that I knew how a much needed hug actually felt like, and that's one of the reasons I really like to give out hugs as well because you never know, that person you just hugged may have actually really needed that hug! And it really felt so nice to be on the receiving end of Brok's hug because darn, I really needed that and I shall never forget that moment!

So of course my struggles are with me at cons and meets too, but I can manage a lot better when I'm there and all that kindness and wholesomeness that I experience from these cons and meets put these struggles in the background for a bit and I can just really be myself and forget about all those struggles for a bit and that genuinely feels amazing! But after a good while, it's definitely time for me to go home because I still end up feeling mentally and physically exhausted despite having a great time so if a con, for example, is 5 days, I can't stay the whole 5 days. At max, maybe 3 or 2 and a half days but after that, it's time to head home due to the complete exhaustion, which is mostly physical in the case of cons. Some day, I hope that I will be able to stay at conventions for a lot longer if my body allows it but just going to them is worth it as a whole, regardless if I can't stay for the whole thing! I also wanted to note that because of the struggles I face, either one or both my parents are always with me not just as my handlers while fursuiting, but also needing them for general support and just knowing that they're there in case I have a mental breakdown or a panic attack. So yes, despite conventions and meets definitely helping my mental health, the struggles are still there but usually far in the background! ^^

Besides it helping me mentally, I also aim to bring smiles to others as well and make them happy at cons and meets too! I've seen what experiencing genuine kindness and wholesomeness from others does to me so I always try to return that for others as well whenever I can! When there's nothing in particular currently going on at a con or meet that really interests me, I switch focus to bringing joy to others whenever I can and whether that's the regular public or actual attendees, it doesn't matter to me! I spread happiness to whomever may need it and it's not always via hugs but I will sometimes stop to just tell someone that they're awesome or ask if they're having a great time at a con or meet, just to name a few examples! Speaking of which, another great example of this was at ScotiaCon 2024, if I remember correctly! There was someone waiting outside the main doors of the hotel but they weren't an attendee. From what I could see while wearing my fursuit head, they were just a passerby who was perhaps staying at the hotel itself but not for the convention from the looks of it. This person really wanted a hug but they weren't able to receive one yet, according to the security guard who was standing next to them so the guard asked if I wanted to be the one to give them a hug and of course I said yes and gave them a hug! You could really see that the hug brightened up this person's mood and a huge smile appeared on their face! That in return made me very happy as well because I was able to make someone else happy! There's also plenty of times where I see both fursuiters and non-suiters standing alone all by themselves with no one to talk to or no one to take photos of them or with them and whenever my social anxiety doesn't get in the way, I'll absolutely approach those people just to try and make their day and con/meet experience worth it and to show them someone has also noticed them and again, you can really see it means a lot to these people! I mentioned social anxiety in the previous sentence and sadly, that's also something I struggle with and it does get in the way quite often so I don't always talk or interact as much as I'd like with others but I always try my best! <3

I'm no artist or fursuit maker, yet I've had people tell me that they really enjoy seeing my content and that my content often helps them feel better whenever they're having a rough day and that it really brings a smile to their face! Hearing that really means the world to me because even if it's just silly photos and videos, my content helps brighten up others' days and that's why I enjoy posting this all so much!! Whether it's people enjoying following along my adventures at cons, or whether it's them laughing at some stupid video of Aoi doing silly and dumb things while the person watching is having a bad day but that video is the reason they smiled today, then it meant that I've yet again accomplished my goal because I was able to make someone smile and happy! Sure, I see my fursuiting adventures as like a kind of blog that I can look back at and share the fun memories I've made, along with anyone else being able to follow along for those interested, but just like fursuiting for charity, my main reason with all my content and posts is yet again to hopefully be able to bring smiles, joy and happiness to others! Whether that's the people who are following me online or people at cons and meets, it doesn't matter! And of course, it all benefiting my mental health is another very important reason! My mental health and being able to spread joy; those are the two main reasons! ^w^

So yes! Besides my fursuit adventures being kind of like a blog to me where I can look back on fun memories and milestones I've accomplished, such as raising money for charity, and anyone who's interested can follow along too and it seems like a lot of you are in fact interested in following along with my adventures! I genuinely appreciate every single one of you and that's why I wanted to write this to let you all know that it's not just fun blogs but it also greatly benefits my mental health and I can also contribute to others' mental health and just try to bring them overall joy and happiness whenever I can! My life certainly isn't always rainbows and sunshine. Far from that, as I struggle a lot and especially recently at the time of writing this but furry really does genuinely help me a lot! I don't only bring joy and happiness to others while fursuiting for charity, but I also try to do this whenever I'm at cons and meets as being genuinely kind is just really important to me and I know how many people could use some real genuine kindness every once in a while because this world lacks a lot of it and I, along with many others, aim to continue to spread joy and happiness wherever and whenever we can! Thank you to everyone who took the time to read this all the way through! Remember, I appreciate you and you're awesome!! <3