“Oh, so you're bi." The alien's response to the human's inadvertent blurting out of his thoughts was completely nonplussed.

“So you're straight."

“Hate to disappoint you," he said in a flat tone that clearly indicated he did not 'hate' doing so whatsoever. 

“Welp," he shrugged, “if I had met you in that bar before Quinn, lemme tell ya I would have at least tried to invite you to a good time, commitment or not," he winked. “Just picture me, if you will, on my knees."

“You mean like . . . in a bedroom way, or begging way?" This time his flat tone seemed to indicate that he wasn't averse to the idea. Yet wasn't too moved by it, either.

“Whichever applied for the situation." 

“Mm." 

Gary fidgeted. 

“This had better not make things weird between us." he said just as flatly. 

“So, I like, can't call you handsome or compliment you? Because I will totally refrain, if that would make it 'weird.' But otherwise, I'd like to." 

“I suppose that's alright," the Ventrexian shrugged at the request. 

Gary got a gleam in his eye. “Maybe I should do a little more than that, flirt with you to make Quinn jealous." 

“That will not work on her."

“Is that a No?" the human grinned. 

“I don't care," the impassive ex-soldier said. 

“Score!" 

This time around, the exuberant man pumped his fist. 

“Wait a second," the catlike yellow eyes narrowed. “Is that why you asked to pet me?" 

“No! No! I wasn't up to anything," the skinnier man insisted. “Really! I swear, dude." 

The dark cat growled.

The pale blonde man stuttered out something resembling an apology. “If that's off the table because of this, now, then I get it." 

The catlike one gave an aggrieved sigh. “Again, I guess it's alright."

He still glared. “And the kiss?"

Garry crossed his straightened arms and spread them again. “Totally innocent. Just this-century bro stuff. I hear that in some countries, even when heteronormativity was in full swing, that sort of thing was normal." 

“Well Ventrexians can be very affectionate depending on the country too," the alien grumbled. “But if you do anything that seems suspicious, it's not just going to be some achy knuckles, got it?" 

The man rubbed at the hand he had grabbed. “Yes sir, your ex-overlordship."

After a pause, Gary said, “Y'know, Voc. . ."

He cleared his throat. 

“What?" 

“Oh sorry, just got distracted by another thought: 'Voc,' also sounds a bit like the beginning of Italian for 'Voice.' It's spelled V-o-c-e, but it's a 'ch' sound instead of a the hard 'k' sound, and you pronounce the 'e'. Like ey." 

He made his signature smouldering face. “All the better because your voice is out of this world," he joked about the non-Earth native. 

“Heh." He rolled his eyes, but in a good-humored sort of way. “You know a lot of Earth languages?" 

“Not fluently, just dabble some."

“Mm."

“Took a semester of linguistics once. And the standard required Chinese. But didn't pick it up well. I have the attention span of a Firefly. I think I'd be better at romance languages? Just never got around to it. But I'd be totally stoked to learn your language, bud."

“I appreciate that." 

“Wanna give me any basics?"

“You're gonna have to practice doing something that mimics purring. Can humans do anything like that?" 

“Yeah, we can like, flutter our tongues. I can, anyway. And also I can do this thing in the top of my throat that sounds similar, too." 

“Oh?"

He demonstrated. He made a loose “O" with his mouth, and what came out was like a dry gurgle.

“It's gonna sound like you have a very heavy Northeastern accent," the alien commented. “But serviceable." 

“Your purrs sound different depending on where you're raised?" 

“Sure. Don't know that humans could hear all the differences with no ear training, but yeah." 

“Yeah Chinese has some pretty subtle shifts that are hard to detect sometimes too."

“Ah." 

“Oh! Oh! What I was gonna say before that Italian thing occurred to me- y'know Voc, if I wanted to be pervy,"

The catlike one stiffened.

“-I coulda insisted on doing the handshake ritual naked, as usual." 

The other man loosened somewhat. “Yeah, you know, you're right. Well thanks for having that integrity."

The human nodded.

“You know how that originated, right?" the Ventrexian asked. 

“How?" 

“An alien race that had similar homophobia to humans devised it to weed out MLM from their armed forces," the ex-soldier explained. “To force them out of the closet, as it were. If you couldn't shake hands with multiple naked men without getting aroused, you were thrown out. They didn't harm them, or anything. But they weren't allowed to do what 'real men' did, go to war." 

“Oh shoot . . . maybe I should stop using it, then."

“No, it was reclaimed later. Now any straight man who may have some residual discomfort with being around a guy who's attracted to guys is forced to reckon with it from the outset, if he wants the bond." 

“Huh. Nice!" Gary brightened. “Y'know, that's one thing that was so tragic about heteronormativity. Guys who weren't attracted to women, they already had a hard enough time finding partners! Since there weren't very many of them in the general population. They wouldn't even get that small bit of affectionate human contact that they'd like from men. This way, I can get a little out of it, even if it's not all I want." 

“Makes sense."

“And trust me," the human said sincerely, “Any request, I'm gonna respect you first. I'll make sure to let you know right upfront whether I want to do it for plain reasons, or other ones."

The normally impassive man smiled wide.