You awake in a panic-fueled rush as the alarm clock blares loudly by your nightstand. Rubbing your eyes, you feel a heavy weight settle in your stomach as you take in the time: 9 AM. The girls are going to be late for school. You quickly throw off the covers and exit the bedroom to make an immediate beeline for their bedroom. You open the door and-

Oh.

That's right.

Your mind quickly regains its composure as you take in the sight of the near-empty room, containing various boxes and items you couldn't be bothered to find a proper place for. Where you had initially thought four bedframes were are empty corners, once again reminding you that it is all a figment of your warped imagination. You let out a deep breath, one you're not sure is either from relief or some deep-seated disappointment. As your mind begins to focus back on reality, you recall that today is still a workday, but your schedule calls for you later in the afternoon. You contemplate returning back to bed, but you decide that since you're already up you might as well take a shower.

As you discard your clothes and begin your daily routine, you think back to the reoccurring dream you've been having for the past few years. On and off, your mind focuses on a bizarre scenario, all relating back to... That incident with her. Your back involuntarily shivers despite the hot shower as you remember what happened, the details of her appearance and that house still clear as day to your mind. Those awful things she had done to you... The things she most likely would've done to you...

 

... And it was hard to forget what happened as a result of such an awful thing.

She was pregnant, how many, you didn't know. Maybe forensics knew, but... You don't want to think about that. You don't ever want to think about that. It took a very long time for you to move past that awful thing you had done just to escape with the help of a therapist. The alternative was certainly worse, and you took your opportunity when it was presented to you that night. You never intended to kill her, but...

You let out another deep breath. Reopening that mental wound is the last thing you want to do. Despite that, your unconscious mind still creates these "what-ifs" every now and then. This time it was vivid enough for you to almost think it was real. It even had your mother and father in it too, all celebrating their birthday. How would you even know when to celebrate their birthday? Would you have...

No. Again, it's best not to think about it.

 

Maybe you should call the therapist again. Bring up these dreams and nightmares before it gets worse. You don't feel seriously affected by them, but you can assume just how easy it is to fall down a rabbit hole like tha-

You once again shiver.

... Maybe some TV will help clear your mind. You finish taking your shower and throw on a bathrobe before crashing on the couch. You look at the calendar on your phone, wondering if there's an important date you should keep aware of before it sneaks up on you. You take notice that tomorrow you don't have to work. Could call up Lily, ask if she wants to do something on your free day. You remember her mentioning something about going out to eat with one of her friends.

'That'd be nice,' you think to yourself as you turn on the TV. As you resume watching a series you left on pause last night, you can't help but think about the dreams again. No grander thoughts or contemplations, just a very simple question as you recall each detail of you and your theoretical daughters:

What if?