Several years have passed since the last update... Several years have passed since the Master Chief got away with Shephard's computa. This is his story. "ugghhh... What happened?" Shephard said as he rose up to look around. He was in his ship. The ship was fine. But that meant that he was still alive... Without his PC. How could he do anything without his PC? The answer was nothing. Without the warm embrace of cheap Steam prices, he knew his life was over. "curse you Master Chief!" he yelled at the top of his lungs so that the world could hear it. The- "Shephard you dumbass! Shut up!" Shephard looked over from the spot he was laying to see Talia... Tali... Uhh... That girl that everyone who has ever played Mass Effect 2 wanted to bang! "you, me, bedroom, now!" Shephard yelled. "No, you flipping asshole, I got with Garuss while you were taking your seven month long nap, you shit!" In that moment in time... He knew what he had to do... "GARUSS!" he yelled so loud that everyone currently trying to ignore his dumbass heard not only what he said, but they also heard the sound of his uvula jiggling around in the back of his neck. "Yes Shephard?" Garuss asked Shephard with a puzzled look on his face. "You've been playing hide the zucchini with Tali haven't you?"Shephard asked with a very serious look on his face. "Yes" Garuss replied. "And it felt damn good too! She even sucked my zucchini! All night." he said. For Shephard, that was the last straw. He grabbed Garuss's dick, ripped it off, put it between bread, roasted it at a nice temperature of 135 degrees, then he made Garuss eat it. With no barbecue sauce. "Aww, I always wanted a cock meat sandwich!" Tali said, utterly disappointed. "I have one you can eat.". "Ohhh... Lemme suck it!" Shephard nodded until his head popped off when he heard Tali's statement. And right befor he was about to get the head of his life... "Shephard u fagt, where hav u been? The PC of PC's has been kidnapped and your trying to get head? C'mon!". "God damn you faggety computer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"